Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories:

F/F, M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander, Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Original Female Character(s)

Additional Tags:

POV Ilya Rozanov, Social Media, Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Boston Bears | Boston Raiders (Game Changers), Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros (Game Changers), Ilya Rozanov Mic'd Up on the Ice, Shane Hollander Mic'd Up on the Ice, Ilya Rozanov Needs A Hug, Ilya Rozanov is a Menace, Twitter, Chaotic Good, Closeted Character, Lesbian Character, POV Outsider, PWHL | Professional Women's Hockey League, Flirting, Fake Flirting, Fake flirting that isnt fake at all actually, Queer Themes, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Crack Treated Seriously

Language:

English

Stats:

Published: 2026-04-26 Completed: 2026-04-28 Words: 7,896 Chapters: 2/2

Ilya Rozanov's 12 Step Plan For Public Flirting

Summary

Ilya still loves a terrible decision. Nearly ten years of exposure to Shane just mean that now, the terrible decision comes with a plan. This time it comes with bullet pointed lists, research. Fresh ideas scribbled late at night and stuck, one over the other, onto the fridge door.

This crucial, terrible decision comes with deliberation and forethought and a twelve-step fucking plan.

A plan that starts with ‘attend every game he can between the women’s league’s rivals-turned-wives Clara and Katya’ and ends with ‘kiss Shane on the mouth at center ice.’

Because Icarus has nothing on Ilya fucking Rozanov. The internet is not ready. Yuna is going to have his head for this. Step one begins on Friday. He cannot fucking wait.

--

Half Ilya Rozanov POV and half social media fic tracking the chaos, managed and otherwise, that is unleashed as Ilya enacts his plan.

Notes

Timeline wise, this fic begins less than a year after they first go to the cottage. Therefore, Ilya is still in Boston.
In this fic, Ilya has two years before free agency after the cottage, rather than just one. This extra year of long distance does contribute to him taking some fairly drastic action. Carefully planned but drastic.

Chapter 1

Chapter Notes

Ilya has a problem. Actually, he has a lot of fucking problems but right now all of them are manifested in the blue-white glow of his TV screen.  

Unable to help himself, Ilya selects the next YouTube clip. 'Clara Salazar vs. Katya Ivanova, mic'd up, Cup Finals, 2015.' He presses play. 

Clara and Katya. Division rivals. The top players from their respective countries. Team captains, of course. Future members of the hall of fame. And married. To each other. Together and out and dating for years before that. 

Since their rookie season.   

Katya is even Russian. Her English filled with the same little irregularities. The same dropped articles. The same abundance of clarifying questions tacked to the ends of phrases. Her accent blurred and curling around the clipped awkward English vowels. Just like his.  

On screen, Katya settles into position at the face off, meets Clara’s gaze and winks. Her lip curling up, she leans forward and says, “Whoever gets next goal, chooses food for dinner, da? Loser washes dishes, cleans up, all sweet, no complaining.” She raises an eyebrow, throws down the challenge. “We have deal, yes?”  

Its so fucking domestic. Ilya might throw up. 

This whole problem began because his YouTube algorithm had figured out what seven hundred odd hockey players all failed to notice. Then, armed with this information, it had proceeded to ruin his life.   

He watches another clip, then another. More cup finals, national tournaments, the fucking Olympics. Katya never captained for Russia. She led the Olympic Refugee team instead, a bright rainbow stripe running down the side of her Captain’s jersey.  

Ilya knows he needs to stop. Needs to stop setting his eye to the narrow gap between the doors, peering out from within the dark interior of the closet, and somehow looking at his own fucking life. Spread out in the light. Sprawling and uncontained and so fucking glorious. And not his.  

He is probably two, maybe three, more video clips away from crawling to the office of the PWHL commissioner on his knees and begging her to take over the NHL. Buy them out. Arrange a hostile takeover. Storm the building. Stage a hostage negotiation. He doesn’t fucking care, just do something. Just get him out of the fucking closet before the air in here runs out and he chokes on too many swallowed declarations. Too many aborted glances. Too much holding back and looking away and never, never touching. An unholy lack of being able to reach out to touch his boyfriend’s hands, his hair, his burning red cheeks. Bright red and blushing at the attention out in public. Ilya knows they would be. But he has never seen this.  

Fuck Russia, this is the real fucking crime.  

Shane has started talking about these videos in his ‘smoking is bad for you’ voice. Which, honestly, is a massive fucking under reaction. Yes, the cigarettes may be slowly filling his lungs with tar but whatever these videos are doing to him is far worse. Far more existential than simply not being able to breathe.  

But Ilya has never been able to stop pressing where it hurts. Never been able to draw back, not until there is blood spilling slick between his fingers.  

He goes to watch a game. Sits there in person, no more screens. Feels the buzz and hum of tension in the arena as Clara Salazar skates out to center ice. Bends at the face off dot, looks across ten inches of space – and right into the face of her division rival who is also her fucking wife. Go-home-at-the-end-of-every-day-and-wake-up-together-for-the-rest-of-your-life fucking actual legal and official and registered wife. 

Katya matches Clara’s feral grin. Sends it right back. The two of them glaring at each other, bodies tense, smiles over wide and beaming. 

Ilya never wants to look away. Or possibly just never wants to look. This was a terrible fucking idea.  

There’s a snap, a collective frozen moment, then the puck drops. The stadium tips over into a roar as the game begins.  

Ilya watches the two women on the ice and feels the tension and release singing white hot along each and every vein.  

Oh, yes, this is much, much worse than cigarettes.  

The final straw comes when Katya Ivanova transfers to the Boston Sea Hawks. Ilya thinks he might hate her a little. He’s never been so jealous in his life.  

Clara is captain for the New York Panthers.  

He doesn’t need to watch the press conference. Doesn’t need to see Katya’s statement about why she moved teams. He fucking knows.  

Now Katya is in his city. Taking her wife out to dates in Boston’s little Russia district. Getting pap’d kissing in the park just ten minutes from his house. Facing off against Clara right here in the local rink. At every New York vs. Boston grudge match. 

And so, he snaps.  

Ilya still loves a terrible decision, after all. Nearly ten years of exposure to Shane just mean that now, the terrible decision comes with a plan. This time it comes with bullet pointed lists, research. Fresh ideas scribbled late at night and stuck, one over the other, onto the fridge door.  

This crucial, terrible decision comes with deliberation and forethought and a twelve step fucking plan. 

A plan that starts with ‘attend every Sea Hawks vs. Panthers game in Boston for the remainder of the season’ and ends with ‘kiss Shane on the mouth as center ice.’  

Because Icarus has nothing on Ilya fucking Rozanov. The internet is not ready. Yuna is going to have his head for this. Step one begins on Friday. He cannot fucking wait. 

-- 

ESPN: Boston Captain Ilya Rozanov sighted at yet another Sea Hawks vs. Panthers Women’s League Game. We caught up with Rozanov on his way out of the stadium yesterday to ask why he’s attended so many PWHL matches this season. The answer: It seems Rozanov is looking to pick up new tricks from the women’s league’s most famous and revered rivalry. Should Hollander be worried? Only time will tell. 

[ ESPN Video Clip ] 

“Mr. Rozanov, Mr. Rozanov. Ah, yes, over here.” Ilya comes to a halt in front of the ESPN journalist. “Thank you for stopping to speak with us. Could you give us any insight as to why you've attended so many PWHL games this season?” 

Ilya shrugs one shoulder, face neutral. “I like to watch good hockey.” 

“Ah, yes, of course.” The interviewer hesitates. “Perhaps there’s more to it though? You have attended every home game of this series. That’s quite a time commitment.” 

Ilya tips his head in acknowledgement. “Ah, well, maybe I am also looking for tips, yes? Salazar and Ivanova are very good. Both very good. Is...interesting to see other rivals compete after so long with Hollander. I am thinking, maybe I can learn something, da? For next season.” 

“Oh, really?” The interviewer is smiling now, clearly thinking there is a headline here. “And have you found anything so far that you want to take back to the NHL next year?” 

“Yes. In NHL now, the chirps are all...all boring, same, nothing new. Chirps in PWHL are very different. Many different types we do not use. I am thinking, maybe I take from Ivanova and Salazar, yes? Borrow from other rivals and take back to NHL. They are very good, very different. Would be more fun, I think.”  

“From Salazar and Ivanova?” 

“Yes, is what I just said.” 

“You are, um, aware that Salazar and Ivanova are married?” The interviewer runs a hand through his hair, looking a little thrown. “So, um, a lot...well, all of their chirping really, its just flirting...” 

Ilya stares back, impassive. “I know they are married, yes.” 

“Yes, exactly. So, um... well, you’d have to modify their approach. You couldn’t just take it directly, given- given its...” 

“I don’t know. Maybe would need changing.” Ilya shrugs. “Maybe not.” A broad smirk spreads across his face. He looks straight at the camera, tilts his head. “Maybe Hollander is lonely, no?”  

Still smirking, still staring straight at the camera, Ilya winks. 

[ Video Clip Ends ] 

@Maxene_Sampson18:  

‘Should Hollander be worried?’ Yes, yes he fucking should be! Because watch that interview clip and tell me Rozanov is not planning something unhinged for next season? 

@TishaElectricals101:  

Oh my god, he’s not actually thinking of... 

@EdithArtsSpace: 

Did I just hear him say his plan to expand the horizon of NHL chirping is to flirt? With his rival? 

@MenanceOnMain: 

He wants to fake flirt his way to a Stanley Cup? Behold, I give you an idea that could only have come from the vodka-stewed brain of Boston’s most notorious fuckboi. 

@LewisForBoston81: 

Might as well bring all his skills to the ice, I suppose.  

@HarrietHealthSupplies: 

This is going to be carnage. Oh, I cannot wait. 

@MacyMay_1989: 

He’s probably just joking around guys. There’s no way he actually follows through on this. Right? Right?? 

@XavierFrancis_98: 

I fear that Shane Hollander - Canada’s little goody two shoes Golden boy of hockey - is not prepared for this and Ilya Rozanov knows it. 

@AyshaOnTheIce: 

I love whenever male athletes are inspired by the women’s league in their respective sport. It shows great-- Hang on, he said what now..?  

-- 

[ Video clip – First game of the season. Boston vs. Montreal pre-season match up. Starting face off - Rozanov vs. Hollander. Mic’d up. ] 

Ilya skates lazily over to center ice. He drops down into his face off stance. Opposite him, Shane is already waiting. 

He looks across at Shane. Ilya catches his eye and smirks, raises an eyebrow. “So, you come here often?” 

[ Video clip ends ] 

@SafiLovesBoston: 

Oh my God, he didn’t. 😂😂😂 

@Francine_Montreal07: 

Is he really doing this? Right out on the ice in front of God and Yuna Hollander?  

‘Do you come here often?’ Oh my fucking god. 

@HockeyReplays87: 

Oh, I am dying laughing at this. Did you see Hollander’s face. Think Rozanov might be on to something here. 

[ Video clip: Rozanov vs. Hollander, second face off of the game. ]

“Okay, just say it.” Shane says, as soon as they are both settled at the face off dot. 

“Say what?” Ilya’s voice is flat but his mouth twitches.   

Shane glares back. “Whatever you’re going to say. Just get on with it.” 

Ilya gives him a lopsided grin, eyes darting all over Shane’s face. “Hollander, I am making big effort for us. Spice up rivalry. Do not want such long-term rivalry going stale, da?” 

Ilya’s crocked smile shifts into a shark-like grin. Shane splutters, cheeks turning red, still glaring. 

“Aw, what is face Hollander? You do not like?” 

[ Video clip ends ] 

@LaytonGymSupplies: 

Oh, the fucking nerve. Too fucking funny man.  

@MetrosMania24: 

Yeah, ok, even as a Metros fan I can admit that shit made me laugh. Hollander is equal to it though. Dude’s focused. 

@SlavicIceQueenIvanova: 

Oh this is going to be fun.  

Roz is a crazy man. 

[ Video clip – face off, third period. Rozanov vs. Hollander ] 

Back at the face off dot, Ilya smiles again, sharp and bright. Shane stares back at him, face stony, jaw clenched. 

“Love of my life,” Ilya drawls, “my one true rival, why are you embarrassing me? Third period and no goals yet. Is bad for my ego, sweetheart. My rival must be better than this. Is making for very sad game.” 

[ Video clip ends ] 

@RaidersFanFacts: 

Ok, ok, this is not a drill, people. It's happening. Rozanov is following through on his insane hint about putting Hollander off his game this season by flirting at him. 

@FinnTheFan95: 

I don’t know if I’m horrified or enthralled. 

@FinnTheFan95: 

Maybe this really will get him a second Stanley Cup. Its diabolical. 

@Santiago_1999: 

Look at Hollander’s face. He is not surviving this. Rozanov you crazy bastard. This is fucking genius. 

@TristanForTheMetros : 

Ooh that was brutal. ‘Why are you embarrassing me?’ Christ. 

@BostonRaiderAlways: 

They should give out awards for best chirps at the Vegas NHL awards. Rozanov would clean up. 

@AyshaOnTheIce retweeting @BostonRaiderAlways: 

Roz burner account identified. 

@HockeyFirstAndLast: 

They better mic them up for every game this season. I think I speak for all of us when I say, if we miss even one insane fake flirting attempt from Rozanov, we will riot. 

-- 

@Hockey_Stats_Breakdown_Crew: 

There have been two in season games, plus the two pre-season match ups, between Boston and Montreal so far this season. Rozanov is clearly getting a rise out of Hollander with his new approach to chirping. The key question though - is it effecting his game play? Time to check the stats. -🧵1 / 5 

@Hockey_Stats_Breakdown_Crew: 

Across all areas, Hollander’s performance against Rozanov this season has seen no decrease in skill or success rate. While he may look flustered, it's not translating to his game play. [Link for breakdown of all statistical approaches used] 

Even at face offs, Hollander’s performance against Rozanov this season is within the margin of error, i.e. no significant difference on past seasons. - 2 / 5 

@Hockey_Stats_Breakdown_Crew: 

The only notable difference for either player, is that both Rozanov and Hollander are playing significantly better than last year. Which, in and of itself, is very impressive, given they both took their teams on deep playoff runs last season. - 3 / 5 

@Hockey_Stats_Breakdown_Crew: 

In conclusion, Rozanov is not succeeding in distracting Hollander, but he is certainly not distracting himself, either. He is, in fact, playing some of the best hockey of his life. It seems the real question should be whether Rozanov is having a standout season because he's having an alarming amount of fun with his new chirps – sadly, statistics cannot confirm or deny this theory. - 4 / 5 

@Hockey_Stats_Breakdown_Crew: 

But I, for one, cannot remember the last time I saw Rozanov look so alive out on the ice. Maybe these two really have found a way to spice up their long-term rivalry. We await the rest of the season with great interest.  - 5 / 5 

-- 

[ Video clip: Shane at post game press briefing. He is sat at the front of the room in his post game suit, facing the forty or so journalists seated before him. ] 

A journalist from the front row stands up. “Mr. Hollander, what are your thoughts on the type of chirps heard tonight on the ice?”  

Shane shrugs. “I don’t tend to spare too much attention for chirps. Its all part of the game but it isn’t necessary from a technical stand point.”  

“But this season they must feel significantly more, well, targeted?”  

Shane just stares blankly. 

“Rozanov’s approach to you, I mean.” The journalist prompts. 

Shane turns to face her. “Rozanov can do what he likes. I will continue to play good hockey. What Rozanov does is up to him. Do we have any questions about the win tonight?” 

There’s a chorus of murmurs until another journalist speaks up. 

“You really have no comment on Rozanov’s behaviour?” 

“I largely try to ignore it. His, err, new approach isn’t making any difference to my game stats or results so its not really relevant to my game play.” 

“So, you don’t have any issues at all with Rozanov’s bizarre approach to you this season?” 

Shane gives a half shrug, face unreadable. “Nice for him to have a hobby, I guess.” 

[ Video clip ends ] 

@MetrosMania24: 

Cut him to the bone, Shane. That’s our Captain. Let’s fucking go. 

💀💀💀💀 

@TristanForTheMetros: 

Oh, I just know Shane has a horrible little smirk tucked somewhere underneath that perfect media mask. 

-- 

Instagram post by Rozanov81: 

[ Photo of Ilya stood between Katya and Clara out on the ice, his arms around both of their shoulders. All three are grinning at the camera. ] 

Caption: Loved skating with KatyaIvanova and ClaraSalazar today but why is Hollander24 leaving me to be third wheel? Need my own rival for proper rivalry skate date, no? What do you say Hollander? 

Comments: 

Hollander24: Um, no. Just no. 

Rozanov81: Rivalry date. Double date. You can meet Salazar and Ivanova. I know you want this. 

Hollander24: I would love to meet them both, obviously but that isn’t the point.  

Hollander24: This is so stupid. 

Hollander24: I’m only even considering this because I have a brand shoot in Boston that weekend anyway. 

Rozanov81: Ah Hollander, I knew you could not resist me.  

Hollander24: I am not even dignifying that with a response. 

Hollander24: Also, not sure what you’re so excited about. I don’t put out on a first date. 

Rozanov81: Hollander24, Hollander24, answer me. Is yes? To double date? 

Hollander24: This whole thing is ridiculous. I’m not actually doing this, you know that, right?  

Rozanov81: Katya Ivanova and Clara Salazar will be there. They are hockey legends, Hollander. You are hockey nerd.  

Hollander24: I can meet them another time.  

Rozanov81: I know you want to ask Clara about her new ‘Salazar’ move. 

Hollander24: Ok, ok, I’ll do it. But only because I want to meet Ivanova and Salazar. You are just an annoying but unavoidable extra, ok? 

Rozanov81: I like it when you’re mean to me.  

Hollander24: Oh my god. I’ve changed my mind. 

Rozanov81: Liar. You cannot resist the chance to be hockey fanboy over PWHL greatest players. I know this. 

Rozanov81: See you in two weeks Hollander. 

Rozanov81: For double date 

Hollander24: I hate you 

@HockeyIsLife111: 

Ok so who has seen insta? [Link to Rozanov’s Instagram post]  

They aren’t seriously going to do this, are they? 

@BostonRaiderAlways: 

No but like, if Rozanov manages to bait Hollander into this – that’s hall of fame shit, right there.  

@BradleySmithson08: 

Come on, keep this fucking gay shit out of hockey. 

@AntiWokeAgenda: 

It's not gay, you idiot. It's clearly a fucking joke. Pretty sure Rozanov hates the gays anyway dude. 

@MetrosToTheMaxxx: 

Yeah, it's clearly a bit. 

@MetrosManBrad: 

Its fucking hilarious. And if anything, it's the opposite of gay. It's a fucking prank, man. It's funny as fuck. None of that woke shit.  

@JacobBostonBrosClub: 

Yeah, just dudes who still have a sense of humor. 

@Salazar_ReinaMia: 

I mean, Katya and Clara are gay. But Ilya-party-boy-Rozanov definitely isn’t. Come on, we’ve all seen the tabloids.   

@SofiaRoza08: 

Oh Ilya. Professional rage baiter. Nobody has ever done it like you, my beloved. You beautiful nightmare. 

@Jarod_4TheBoisss: 

‘I don’t put out on a first date.’ Oh, Hollander has got jokes now. I see how it is. 

@Martin_Maximus05: 

I still don’t think there’s any chance they actually do this.  

-- 

@Lily_91:  

So...my cousin works as a cleaner at the rink where Rozanov and Hollander were rumoured to be meeting. For their double date with the women’s league rivals.  

She was cleaning the corridor by the side entrance today when Ilya Rozanov actually showed up. And you’ll never guess who was there waiting? 👀👀 

She sent me this recording as proof.  And so, I present to you all... 

[ Recording begins ] 

The swish of a door closing. Sound of footsteps approaching.  

“Hollander,” calls a loud, distinctive Russian accent.  

“Rozanov.” The reply is quieter, a little more stilted.  

Closer to the recording device now and at a more normal volume, Rozanov’s voice continues. “Hollander, Hollander, you did not even wear anything slutty for me.” 

“Oh for...” 

“Is supposed to be date, no? You could not show even little bit of forearm. You are like Victorian lady covering ankles.” 

There is the sound of a sigh. “Maybe I didn’t want you to be distracted on the ice? When I beat you at speed skating, I can’t have you complaining I cheated. Distracted you by showing too much skin or something.” 

This is followed by a bark of laughter. “Ah, so is just Canadian golden boy and his good sportsmanship?”  

“Yes, exactly.” 

“Is not league competition today, Hollander, is just date. Always you are so responsible. So uptight.” 

“I’m not, not always. Its not like-” 

“I could help you with this, you know? I’m sure I could help you to, uh...relax.”  

Theres a moment of silence and then Shane’s voice remarks, “Well, that was quick. And I’m not even wearing a slutty outfit.” Ilya laughs again and Shane’s voice continues. “Did you forget the rules already, Rozanov? I don’t put out on a first date.” 

“Uh, uh, uh. Is Ilya, not Rozanov. This is date. You call girl by her surname on normal first date? I don’t think so. Not nice Canadian boy Shane Hollander.” 

“What part of this exactly do you think counts as either ‘normal’ or a ’first date’? 

“What?” Ilya’s voice sounds overly shocked. “You have never been on skating date? The Shane Hollander? Never been on skate date? I was doing this when I was fifteen, no, thirteen, and you are telling me you have never, saying is not normal, that it is-”   

“Fuck me.” Shane lets out a breath.  

“Ah, no, I cannot. I am respecting boundaries, remember? Is only first date. How many dates does it take, hmm? Three, four, five? Do not worry, we will get there. I am here for the, how you say, long game, no?”  

“Rozanov.” 

“Ilya. Is Ilya, not Rozanov.” 

Shane sighs. “Ilya.” 

“Yes, Shane. Thank you, Shane." 

There’s the sound of footsteps again, two sets this time, retreating away from the recording device. 

Shane’s voice asks, “Happy now?”  

“Yes, happier.” 

Shane gives a huff of laughter. “If you make a comment about my glasses, I swear to God-” 

There is a creak as a door swings shut, cutting off the conversation. 

[ Recording ends ] 

@JustJosefina14:  

I cannot believe they are actually doing this. 

@BostonIsLife_010: 

Thank you, thank you, thank you to whoever got this recording. 

@JustJosefina14: 

God, they are so funny together. No wonder Ilya can’t resist baiting him even off the ice. 

@Rolland_TyreRepairs: 

Huh, so Hollander really is lowkey funny. I thought Roz was going to walk all over him but maybe he can give it back just as good. 

@MetrosToTheMaxxx: 

Please, the man who said “nice for him to have a hobby.” That was cold as fuck. Of course he can give it right back. 

@SarahReighly09: 

Shane Hollander wears glasses? Since eh, WHen? 

@FreddySmith_6789: 

Apparently only for reading? 

@SarahReighly09: 

Like, how would Rozanov even know that? Are they actually friends? 

@FreddySmith_6789: 

Ha, no way they are friends. That's too crazy. Maybe they’ve just been in each other's professional orbit for long enough? You must pick up on things, right? It’s been like ten years. 

@Sally_Johnson_Haircare: 

Ok but why do these two sworn rivals have more chemistry than the last five actual dates I’ve been on. That’s so fucking depressing. 

@JonJonJonas87: 

Didn’t even dress slutty for me. I’m sorry but that's just too funny. Fucking legend. The chirps this season have been fucking golden. 

@MadLadzz_1987: 

Like a Victorian lady. 💀 I’m dead. 

@SiguiréSalazarSiempre:  

Please @Clara @Katya – we need the insider info. What was Rozanov and Hollander’s fake date like? Tell us, tell us, tell us! 

Please pretty please. 

@ClaraSalazarHockeyPlayer:  

Oh, you know. They competed for fastest skater, most skilled puck handling, best crossbar shot, strongest back hand, best pick up line, fastest to get changed after. Argued for a full ten minutes over who paid the bill at dinner. Just everything  you’d expect a rivalry date to be. 😉 

@ClaraSalazarHockeyPlayer: 

Oh, and Shane did ask me about how I came up with the ‘Salazar’. But he waited for Ilya to be on the other side of the rink, ‘so the asshole can’t overhear and say I told you so.’  

@KatyaIvanov_SeaHawks: 

They are both idiots about each other and we love them. Was very fun. Very funny. Great rivals double date. Should do again another time. 

-- 

@HockeyIsLife111: 

Boston vs. Montreal tonight and you know which two players are both mic’d up again 👀👀👀 

@BostonBesties545: 

Oh, this is going to be juicy. 

[ Video clip – Boston vs. Montreal, first period, Rozanov vs. Hollander for the face off. ] 

At the face off, Shane returns Ilya’s gaze, his face carefully blank.  

Ilya leans forward and asks, “Shane, when do you do next Calvin Klein campaign? I need new poster for bedroom wall.” 

Shane laughs. “Oh yeah? What happen to the one you already had? Is it damaged? Did it get a bit...sticky or something?” 

Rozanov’s eyes go wide, mouth opening in shock before he snaps it closed again. He makes to respond but the linesman steps forward for the puck drop and they are out of time. 

[ Video clip ends ] 

@NyetGonnaHappen: 

Shit man, I have never seen Rozanov so thrown by a fucking chirp. 

@RobRobRob_79: 

He was not expecting Hollander to get on his level. 

@PedroTheMetro: 

Yeah, Hollander really fucking got to him.  

@IceTheCoffee: 

To be fair, I don’t think it affected his game. Rozanov scored a fucking hat trick. 

@RobRobRob_79: 

No, clearly not, but fair play to Hollander for trying.  

@Rolland_TyreRepairs: 

Yeah, fair play man, he really brought it.  

@Felipe_Montreal77: 

We’re seeing a whole new side to Hollander this season. 

@NyetGonnaHappen: 

Yeah, I didn’t know the guy could chirp, let alone get Rozanov like that. Rozy is usually a fucking brick wall. 

-- 

Instagram post by Marleau_BostonRaiders: 

[ Photo taken in the Boston locker room, centered on Ilya’s cubby space. Stuck to the wall above the cubby is a large poster from Shane’s latest Calvin Klein commercial. It shows Shane standing in white boxer briefs, a hand on one hip, face in profile. The poster bears a signature scrawled in black sharpie. It reads ‘Hollander xoxo.’ ] 

Caption: A certain someone persuaded us to sneak this into the locker room before practice today. Thank you Hollander24. You should have seen his face, man. I still don’t think he’s recovered from the shock. 

Comment: Well played, Hollander. 

Comment: Hollander with the off the ice pranks. Who knew he had it in him? 

Comments: Oh, this is getting good. 

Instagram post by Rozanov81: 

[ Re-posts the same photo as Marleau. ] 

Caption: My rival is too good to me. 😘 

Thank you for new poster. I keep very safe. I buy nice frame. No damage this time. Will be glass frame. Wipe clean. 

@BostonBroGymRatz: 

💀He did not just write that. 

@JamieJoshua_131: 

Shane Hollander found dead in a ditch. 

@Harriet4Hollander: 

This is the trouble with getting on his level. Its Rozanov. He can always get lower.  

-- 

@Rozanov81: 

So, @Hollander24, second date?  

You send me poster like this and no second date, Shane. You are tease. 

@Rozanov81: 

Or maybe is too much for you now? You are scared? Want to forfeit, yes? I win. Best hockey player, best flirt, best chirps. You give up, yes? Montreal Captain goes home crying like his team. 

@Jarod_4TheBoisss: 

So, they are just full on playing gay chicken now. 

@ElliotSmythson11: 

I mean, yeah? 

@RobRobRob_79: 

This is beyond chirping now. Rozanov is just straight up playing gay chicken with Hollander. 

@JamieCleaningServices203: 

Time to call it now guys. Before this goes too far. 

@Samuel4TheSeaHawks: 

Yeah, at some point this stops being funny and starts being fucking offensive.  

@BostonBakeriesQueenSt: 

Come on Shane, give it up man. Before this gets out of hand. 

@JustJosafine14: 

There’s no way you’re going to out crazy Rozanov. Its Rozanov, for fucks sake. 

@Hollander24: 

You want me to lose? To Rozanov? 

#RivalsDontBackDown 

@Rozanov81: 

Do not worry. Hollander told me first time we hooked up that he is not a chicken.  

#RivalsDontBackDown 

@NyetGonnaHappen: 

See what I mean? You can’t out crazy whatever the fuck that is.  

@LuciaSpinZoneClasses: 

I can’t with these two anymore. 

@BostonBornBostonRaised: 

We failed to consider that these are the two most competitive motherfuckers in the history of hockey.  

@SalazarStan37: 

I don’t think either of them are backing down until we get a kiss at least. 

@Martha_Modelling23: 

Spotted - Hollander and Rozanov on second date in Montreal this evening???? 

[ Video clip ] 

Ilya and Shane are stood together on the sidewalk. Shane glances up and spots the person filming them. “Oh, shit, um...could you maybe not film. I-”  

“Relax Hollander, is just second date, yes?” Ilya puts a hand on Shane’s shoulder. “Everybody knows we are doing this. Will be fine. Internet will need to know who has won, anyway.” 

“For the last time, Ilya, you are not better at arranging dates. Your date was not...you’re not more romantic or, like...you’ve hardly ever been on any dates anyway, you always just-” 

“Ah, shut up Hollander, is not the point. We-” 

“I have picked a nice restaurant and it's going to be fucking romantic, so just shut up already and-” 

“Ah, this is how you speak to all your dates, yes? Does your mother know you are so rude? Is why you cannot find nice girl in Montréal, no?”  

“You are such an asshole.” 

“Yes, see, very romantic to call your date an asshole, very-” 

“Oh, for fucks sake. Let's just go. The restaurant is this way. I don’t want to miss our reservation.” Shane grabs Ilya’s arm and drags him away down the street while Ilya grins, gleeful and unrepentant.  

 [ Video clip ends ] 

@JustJosefina14: 

Oh, I am crying laughing at this. What is even going on. 

@Caitlyn_Raider4Life:  

Are they like competing for who can arrange the most romantic date? I can’t even with these two. 

@HollyDoesHockey131:  

You know how we thought there was no way this was ending without a kiss because these two make being competitive look like a DSM diagnosable condition? Well, what happens now then??? Now that they’ve brought some kind of romance competition into this whole prank turned gay chicken rivalry extension er... thing? 

Comment: First, the phrase romance competition is insane.  

Comment: Yes, agreed. 

Comment: Second, #RivalsDontBackDown so I guess this is going all the way to the wedding, right? Like it's that or an intervention. They literally cannot help themselves. 

@Caitlyn_Raider4Life:  

I think Hollander can’t help himself, he’s too competitive. Rozanov could help himself, but he doesn’t want to. He’s having too much fun. 

@SallyGregson1991:  

The way that like half the women in Boston would get on their knees and beg for Ilya Rozanov to put this much effort into planning actual dates for them and he’s out here doing all that and more so he can long-distance fake romance Hollander just to piss him off.  

@MontealMaddison44: 

Nice for him to have a hobby, I suppose. 

@MattsMechanicsMontreal: 

Lol 

@Sophia_SunsetFloristsLtd: 

Saw Rozanov and Hollander in Montreal this evening, straight up walking down the street like it's nothing. They had just come out of a restaurant, I think.  

Recorded a little bit of their convo as they walked past but then they crossed the street and I lost them.  

[ Recording begins ] 

Shane’s voice can be heard first. “How many dates have you even been on, anyway?”  

“Hmm, counts if is just sex?” 

“No. Definitely not. A date has to have a least some part of it that's, y’know, a date. Not just...” 

“Fucking.” 

“Yes, not just...that.” 

Ilya laughs. “Okay, okay.” There's a pause as he presumably considers his answer. “Maybe not many.” 

“No?” 

“No.”  

There's a few more seconds of silence and then Ilya’s voice returns. “Does it count as date if there is fucking first and then date part after?” 

“I think that, like, half counts. Like when you get the assist but not the goal, maybe.” 

“Ah, okay. Is not so bad. What do I get for fucking then date part then more fucking?” 

“I think that would be like, a goal in overtime.” 

“Hmm, is better. Okay, okay, so-” 

There's the sound of traffic and the recording cuts off. 

[ Recording ends ] 

@NoCoffeeNoCallback: 

It’s the blind leading the blind, guys. The man who fumbled Rose Landry in a fortnight explaining to Ilya Fuckboi Rozanov what a date is. I can’t. 

@HockeyFirstAndLast: 

How are they ever going to determine the most romantic date? They need to call in an actual referee, or this will never end. 

@LiveBreatheSkate: 

The way I would bet everything I own and then my house that Rozanov’s next question was, “So how do I get hat trick?”  

@Rozanov81 retweeted @LiveBreatheSkate: 

Yes, of course. But he did not give me answer. Said he needed to think about it. 🙄 

-- 

@LisaLorenzo_1994: 

You will never guess who I saw out in Boston today 👀👀👀 

Confirmed sighting. This is not a drill. 

#RivalsDontBackDown

[ Video clip ] 

Ilya and Shane are seen leaving a coffee shop in Boston the morning after a game. Ilya holds the door open for Shane and they both step out onto the street. The two look to be bickering. As they near the camera, the conversation between them can be heard while they pass by.  

“You do remember this isn’t a real date, don’t you?” Shane says. “Therefore, it doesn’t matter who pays for the coffee.” 

“Yes, yes, I remember. Would be very difficult for us to date anyway. To be together. Do you not think, Hollander? Arch-rivals, forbidden love. Would be very Russian, very tragic.”  

Shane laughs, shaking his head. “The long distance would be hard too. One of us would have to move teams. I mean, probably, right?” 

“Or you move to Boston. We win five Stanley cups. Then retire early, have many freckled children. Would be good life.” 

“You realise if we won five Stanley cups together, I would still have more than you?” 

Ilya glares at him.  

Shane grins. “Because I have more already. I have two and you-” 

“Yes, thank you Hollander. See this is why it would never work between us. Could never work. Nope. Never. Because you are asshole.” 

Shane snorts. “You are such an idiot.” 

The conversation fades out of earshot as the pair continue on down the street together, seemingly in no hurry. 

[ Video clip ends ] 

@NotACrazyCatLady: 

Third date! Third date! 

@VictorBostonBros: 

Boston coffee date! 

@Constance_2001: 

Thank God, what would we even do all day if we couldn’t be parasocial on the internet about these two and their weird date feud. 

@Hollanov2481:  

I honestly don’t know what to do with myself in a world where we have actual Ilya Rozanov himself describing a relationship between him and Shane as “Very Russian, very tragic.” I just...  

@LillianJones1992:  

“Very Russian, very tragic" is now my new vocal stim which is a real problem because every time I have to explain where it comes from, the whole thing sounds completely insane. I’m pretty sure my co-workers think I’m making at all up. 

-- 

Tumblr post by NotACrazyCatLady: 

Things Rozanov has shouted at Hollander on the ice this season: 

OK, so, I have collated a list of the top ten pet names used by Rozanov for Shane this season (you’re welcome.) 

Here they are in all their glory: 

• Sweetheart 

• Freckles 

• Love of my life, my one true rival 

• My tomato (because of the blushing?) 

• Prettiest player in the East. (To which Hollander responded, “No, its GQ’s hottest man in the NHL, remember? Get it right, Rozanov.”) 

• Solnyshko [Russian for little sun/sunshine] 

• Canada’s prince of hockey 

• My prince charming 

• My little chicken (this seems to have gotten the strongest reaction from Hollander so far. Probably due to the ongoing gay chicken references which have taken over hockey socials the latter half of this season. ) 

• Gazonokosilka [Lawnmower]. ( I have no idea at all why this one, believe me. Maybe he’s just trying to distract Hollander by being extra confusing...) 

Comment: 

He’s an idiot, your honor. Yes, I do love him for it.  

Comment: 

They both are. How did they let it get this far? And when are we getting that kiss?? 

Reblogged:  

This season is really going to be one for the history books. 

-- 

The two of them were still in Shane’s hotel room at All Stars. Ilya was supposed to be back in his own room by now, getting ready to head out for the night. Make sure to show his face before sneaking back to Shane later. But they had only made it half way to the door before Ilya had caved and pulled Shane back in for another kiss.  

That had been five minutes ago, at least. 

Ilya scrapes his teeth across Shane’s jaw. He feels the hitch in Shane’s breathing where their chests are pressed as close as he can get them. Who cares about making a fucking appearance for the night out anyway? It had been Shane’s idea. Shane who now has his hands fisted in Ilya’s t-shirt, head tipped back, mouth open. Maybe he would forget and then they could just... 

“Fuck Ilya, we should...” 

Blyat. Ilya presses an open mouthed kiss to the side of Shane’s neck. Lips still pressed to his skin, he murmurs “Yes, okay, sorry sweetheart. Yes I go now.” 

“I, what? Um, no, Ilya, actually I had...there was something I wanted to ask you?” 

“What?” Ilya pulls back, surprised, pulse spiking. But Shane doesn’t look anxious. Nervous maybe but also, happy?  

“What?” Ilya swallows. “What is question?” 

Shane gives him a small genuine smile, a half shrug. “I was just wondering...whether tomorrow...Well, whether you’d like to do step twelve? Tomorrow, at – at the game?” 

Ilya blanches.  

“You want to do step twelve? Here, tomorrow? Out on the ice?” 

Shane just shrugs again and smiles, his eyes never leaving Ilya’s face. “If you think you can pull it off, then, um, yes. I trust you.” 

Ilya blinks, stunned. The words catch up with him. Heat scorches its way up his spine. He pulls Shane forward and into a searing kiss, one hand fisting in Shane’s hair. Trying to draw him in even closer.   

Hang on, wait, wait, wait. Ilya breaks the kiss and drags in a deep breath. He can’t just blindly fling them both over the edge because he is too desperate to think straight.  

Does Ilya think he can pull it off?  

He releases Shane and runs a hand through his curls. Thinks back to the many, many notes still stuck, haphazard, to his fridge door. 

Can he pull this off? 

At this point, the internet is practically trying to bait Ilya himself into taking the whole thing one step further. Like he needs the encouragement. But this is what he had been aiming for. Its somewhat more feral, actually. Tumblr is weird and Reddit is, frankly, a bit terrifying. 

Even the Metros are egging on the ‘prank,’ insisting Shane couldn’t be the one to fold. Last time Ilya played in Montreal, the number of fans wearing “Nice for him to have a hobby” T-shirts had been, well, unfortunate. He had realised mid-game, as he stewed in the Penalty box, that the sheer volume of shirts could only mean the Metros merch department were actually selling the things.  

Montreal metros, still homophobic, still stupid. 

The game tomorrow is All Stars. Which really is the ideal time and place for this. A game that doesn’t matter. The public will be there for spectacle, rather than serious game play.   

Plus, Shane won’t be headed straight back into a locker room with the Metros if there’s any fall out. Which at this point Ilya doubts, but he’s not about to take that risk regardless.  

Ilya raises both hands to cup Shane’s face for a moment, searching his eyes. “Yes, yes, I think so. Plan is in right place for this, is good timing... but, Shane, you are sure?” 

“Yes Ilya. I, um – I want this too. I know you know that. I know I haven’t stood up for you to mom about all this or anything but I wanted it too. You wouldn’t have done it if you didn’t know that.” 

“Yes, I know Shane.” 

Shane huffs. “I wouldn’t have done anything like-” he waves his hand to indicate the insanity of what Ilya has stirred up this past season. “But I needed something. Same as you did. It was killing me, too. Just as much, I think.” 

“Yes love, I know. I noticed.” Ilya leans forward until his forehead rests against Shane’s, feeling the brush of Shane’s breath across his cheek. “I know.” 

Shane pulls back to look at him. Fixes him with a very pointed stare. “But you realise once we actually decide to come out, nobody is going to believe us, right? And it will be all your fault.” 

Ilya goes very still. Every muscle freezing in place, chest seizing, lungs shuddering to a halt. He forces his mouth to work again, needing to get out the question. “Come out? While we are still players?” 

Shane closes his eyes, face drawn tight and nods once. “I can’t do this anymore. I mean it Ilya, it was killing me. And now, every time you skate past and shout some ridiculous stupid sweet thing at me out in front of ESPN and the game reps and fucking everyone, I just think, ‘Oh, I don’t think I can lose this.’” Shane looks across at Ilya where he is still stood like a statue, unable to move and gives him a shaky half smile. 

Then he shrugs and adds, “and also that I wish I didn’t fucking blush so easily. Most of the time, I think that too.”  

Ilya unfreezes all at once, his hand moving to cup Shane’s cheek without any conscious thought. 

“No, solnyshko, no. Do not wish this. Is a gift. Is, like, gift to me. Like um...apology, yes? From whoever gave me fucked up Russian tragedy of a life.” 

Shane laughs, bright and surprised and pushes his cheek into Ilya’s hand. Ilya strokes his thumb across Shane’s cheekbone and he sighs. 

“So, this summer then?” Shane asks. “To come out?” 

“You are sure?” 

Shane just nods.  

“Okay, yes. Yes. I think yes.”  

Ilya smiles so wide his face hurts. This summer. Just a few months. Not another decade of hiding. Just a few more months. Ilya could split open from the breath-stealing relief of it all. 

Shane grins back at him, wide and uninhibited. “You are a disaster. A fucking nightmare. A genius. Ilya fucking Rozanov.” Then Shane is kissing him and all his thoughts are gone. All the thoughts that aren’t more and skin and closer, closer, closer.  

They draw back, just a breath, both panting. Ilya catches Shane’s eye. Both their faces break open again in bright beaming grins.  

Ilya tilts his head. “You really think they won’t believe us now? When we come out?” 

Shane staggers back, throwing up his arms. “Of fucking course not, you idiot.” He rubs at his face, laughing again. “But we should still do it anyway. Definitely, absolutely, should still do it anyway.”  

Ilya laughs and pulls Shane into a bone crushing hug. Both of them still laughing, their breathing slowly settling out. Shane tucks his face into the crook of Ilya’s neck. Safe. Just where Ilya wants him. Warm and close and his. Wrapped up tight in Ilya’s arms and not going anywhere. Not tonight. Maybe not ever.  

Out at the center of the rink, Ilya re-settles his grip on his hockey stick and bends for the face off. Ten inches away across the ice, Shane’s eyes stare back at him. 

Ilya swallows, mouth dry. He’s worked for this. Waited, planned, risked. Now they are here, bathed in the bright lights and swelling sound of the packed out Tampa Bay arena. Okay, okay, he can do this. He can have this. It’s time.  

“Shane Hollander,” Ilya says, letting the words draw out, voice deep, “who has never let me win a day in his life. Shane Hollander, who can never, ever back down from a challenge.” Ilya grins, rolls his shoulders. “I know this. Whole internet knows this. Metros media team knows this, though they are begging for you to let me win. 

“Will you do it? Is too far for you now, sweetheart? You are ready to give in?” 

Shane meets his eyes, his gaze steady. “Not on your life, Rozanov.”  

Ilya beams and takes his moment. Leans forward, right there on the ice, at the face off, and kisses Shane on the mouth. 

Step twelve. 

The stadium is roaring. Half the crowd are on their feet at once, cheering and hollering and stamping. Laughter echoes up to the rafters and right out across the ice. 

Shane’s cheeks have blushed a bright, burning, beautiful red and Ilya – Ilya is so filled with ecstatic, buzzing, delirious joy, he might cry.  

Step fucking twelve. Completed, and still he is flying. Still flying out here in the glorious blinding sunlight.  

They have not tumbled to the ground. Have not become a mass of flaming feathers and burned out hope. They are still flying. 

Fuck you Icarus, he thinks. I am still fucking flying. 

I will not stop climbing now.

Chapter End Notes

In Shane’s room at All Stars:

Ilya: Aw, and will be on our anniversary too. Shane, is too sweet.

Shane: Our anniversary... Oh, yeah, I guess.

Shane: Hang on, how many anniversaries do you think we have?

Ilya: There is All Stars. Cottage, of course. CCM. [Each date listed is punctuated with a kiss]. Oh, and maybe Saskatchewan too.

Shane: You are ridiculous. How are you so-

Ilya: Romantic, da? Am very romantic. The most romantic. Will get hat trick date. Even if you will not tell me what rules are for this.

Shane: Oh my God. You are not still going on about this, I didn’t-

[Ilya shuts him up with another kiss.]

 

---------

If you want to check out any of my other fics, you can find them here

Chapter 2: Jokes On You

Chapter Summary

Just a short epilogue because I couldn't resist writing their coming out post.

Chapter Notes

Instagram post by Rozanov81:

[ Photo from behind the scenes of the CCM rivalry shoot. In the image, much younger versions of Ilya and Shane are posed as if for a face off. Both in full gear, faces inches apart, staring at each other. Rather than the intense standoff from the official ad footage, in this photo they are both unable to hold back their smiles. Shane’s cheeks are scrunched up as he grins. Ilya is looking at Shane with a soft open expression, lips tugged up into a small half smile. Both clearly visible as the giddy teenagers they were. ]

Caption:

#RivalsDontBackDown they fall in love as stupid teenagers. 

I am sorry it took us both so long to admit it to each other. We wasted so much time but we are here now.

Happy 2 year anniversary Shane. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I would burn down whole internet for you any day of the week. 

Okay, announcement over. No one bother me. I am taking Hollander on stupid cute date to little Russia district. Is my turn now KatyaIvanova (Also thank you for help and for the immigration lawyers. See you for dinner on Sunday ❤️)

#NotAHobbyItsACalling

#MyOneTrueRival

Comments:

Rozanov81: If he does not rate this hat trick date, I will throw myself in freezing Boston river. Is not fair competition if you will not tell me rules, Shane.

Hollander24: I still don’t think anyone is going to believe us.

Hollander24: But I love you. Ya tebya lybuyu Ilyushechka. #NotJustAHobby #HeMeansEverything 

Hollander24: Looking forward to tonight. I’m sure the date will be great. I’ll wear something slutty this time just for you 😉

Rozanov81: Hollander, you will show forearms? Just for me? I will swoon like Victorian lady. Is too much.

KatyaIvanova: Congratulations to my favourite idiots. They are so good together. Is very cute. We love you both, Hollander24 and Rozanov81. Bring the good vodka on Sunday Ilyusha. We are celebrating. You can be public idiots now ❤️

----

Lily: I posted it. 

Lily: I love you. 

Lily: If this does not work, we can just release sex tape. Will be fine. 

Jane: For the last time, we are not solving this problem by releasing a sex tape.

Jane: We are never even making a sex tape

Lily: Boring

Jane: You love boring

Lily: Yes, I do.

Lily: Will pick you up at 8, Hollander. Don’t be late. I need to see slutty outfit soon. Cannot keep waiting.

Jane: Idiot

Jane: I love you.

----

@HarveySmithBostonBroz:

Was just at the florists - wife’s birthday is tomorrow. So I’m just stood there trying to remember what bloody kind of flowers she wanted this year. When Ilya fucking Rozanov walks in. Fucking Rozanov. Crazy, right? He’s all dressed up nice too and he goes and asks the owner for a whole bunch of lilies. 

I asked him who the lucky girl was and he just laughed in my face. Said something like, ‘What? Is for my Hollander. You think I would buy fucking flowers for anyone else?’ 

Are they seriously still doing this shit? Enough with the fake gay thing already.

@AyshaOnTheIce replying to @HarveySmithBostonBroz:

You didn’t see Rozanov’s post, did you?

Think it might be a bit more...well, a bit more everything than we were expecting.

Chapter End Notes

Ilya and Shane discussing social media ground rules the day before their coming out post –

Ilya: So...can I tell internet you do put out on first date?

Shane: What do you think?

 

---------

If you want to check out any of my other fics, you can find them here