Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories:

Gen, M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Shane Hollander & Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble & Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Harris Drover & Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble, Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble & Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Luca Haas/LaPointe, Luca Haas/Felix LaPointe

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Harris Drover, Troy Barrett, Evan Dykstra, Zane Boodram, Luca Haas, Wyatt Hayes, Nick Chouinard, LaPointe (Game Changers), Young (Game Changers), Boyle (Game Changers), Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Rose Landry, Felix LaPointe

Additional Tags:

Social Media, Supportive Ottawa Centaurs (Game Changers), Ottawa Centaurs (Game Changers), Ottawa Centaurs Player Ilya Rozanov, Ottawa Centaurs Player Shane Hollander, Married Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Minor Troy Barrett/Harris Drover, Autistic Shane Hollander, Team Mom Shane Hollander, Minor LaHaas, Shane Hollander Has an Eating Disorder, Shane Hollander Can Fight, Ilya Rozanov is Obsessed With Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov Relationship Timeline Reveal

Language:

English

Series:

Part 1 of Don't Think 'Verse

Collections:

pepperroxd’s library, Lazer's Social Media fics, HollaNov fanfics I Love, so obsessed i might actually watch hockey, Hollanov Hall of Fame, HRfaves, how dare you make me feel emotions (/pos), I need sunshine ☀️🏒 ~ Heated Rivalry (Game Changers) fics, AHRFC, TDH Game Changers / Heated Rivalry, Centaurs fics I love love love, Sweet as Pie (buttery flaky a little salty), Fics LunaK does not want to lose track of, Onyx HR Faves

Stats:

Published: 2026-03-31 Updated: 2026-10-12 Words: 79,887 Chapters: 37/?

Don't Think Too Hard

Summary

Daily posts on the Ottawa Centaurs social media during Shane Hollander's first season.

Notes

This is just some silly nonsense 😊

Chapter 1: Who is your emergency contact?

Chapter Notes

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Hey, Boston? Who are you going to call after we wipe the ice with you this weekend?

[Video of the tunnel leading out to the ice, a mini-stick is in the corner of the frame with a tiny microphone attached to the toe of the stick.]

@holeander
Shane ‘team mom’ Hollander strikes again!

@ourboytroy
Okay but they're all so cute I kind of forgot they play a violent contact sport for a living

@itscalledapuckhelloooo
Roz losing his damn mind that everyone loves his husband 💀💀

@rozanderrr
the little ducklings following hollzyyyy

@badnewsbearsrawr
These are the guys who think they're gonna beat us??? lolok

@loverboyroz
The team with Roz, Hollzy, Bood, Barrett, and Haas on the first TWO lines???? With Wyatt fucking Hayes in goal? get a grip my guy you're fucked

@hollzysbrokenblade
are there pics of hollzy changing that tire orrr

@puckpuckpass
I would like to see them… for scientific research purposes

@Young33Centaurs
My hero 💪
[A photo of Shane Hollander crouched beside a white sedan with a tire jack propping up the rear passenger wheel. He is wearing mid-thigh light blue shorts and a white compression t-shirt. He's using a tire iron to loosen the bolts on the wheel in front of him - the muscles of his arm bulging.]

@hollzysbrokenblade
May your pillow always be cold and your phone always above 75%

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
OTTAWA WINS 5 - 1 AGAINST BOSTON. [A video featuring highlights from the game: Luca Haas scoring a beautiful one-timer off a pass from Hollander. Rozanov laughing and hugging Marlow during warm-ups. Hollander and Rozanov flying down the ice on a power play. Barrett shouldering Carmichael out of the way to score a goal with a wrist shot. Several quickly cut together shots of Hayes stopping goal after goal after goal. Young and Holmberg play fighting with their sticks while a ref is calling a penalty on Boston. Two gorgeous goals from Rozanov in the third period each off of a pass from Bood. The video ends on a clip of Hollander scoring, doing The Rozanov flawlessly, much to the loud chagrin of the Boston crowd – and his husband on the bench.]

@centarPRIDE
what a time to be alive!!!!

@Yuna_Hollander
My boys! ❤️🖤

@lucahaasmyheart
Did you see that????

@shanestan24
My man my man my man 🥰

@Rozanov81
MY man 😤

@shanestan24
🫡🫡

@theresascreencapforthat
[A screenshot of the ‘stop he's already dead’ scene from The Simpsons.]

The lights in the bedroom are low, only the warm lamp on Ilya’s side of the bed is illuminated, a fact that warms Shane's heart as he exits the ensuite bathroom. His hair is damp, his skin is warm, and he is more than ready to curl up in bed with his husband. His husband who is sitting against the headboard of their bed – their bed with fresh, clean sheets that Ilya took care of while Shane cleaned himself up in the bathroom. Ilya is in just a pair of boxer briefs and his hair is a crown of messy curls anointed by Shane's own fingers.

“What are you watching?” Shane asks, pulling back the sheets to slide into bed.

Ilya lets out a low, rumbling hum as Shane crosses the width of the mattress to lay his head on his shoulder. “Mm, the highlights that Harris posted,” he answers, turning his phone screen just enough to show Shane. He lays a heavy kiss to the top of Shane’s head. “You played beautifully, moy lyubimyy muzh.”

Shane rolls his eyes and turns his head to stifle a yawn against the side of Ilya's neck.

“I love you,” Shane murmurs, pressing a soft kiss at the dip of Ilya’s collarbone.

Ilya chuckles softly, “Not enough to be emergency contact.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Shane says on a laugh.

Suddenly, with no warning, Shane is on his back and Ilya is holding himself up over him. The cross hanging around Ilya's neck swings between them, gently bumping at the underside of Shane’s chin.

“I already did. Would you like repeat performance?”

Shane smirks, “Do you want to change the sheets again?”

Ilya groans, dropping his head to rest his forehead against Shane's collar. “You are so boring, Hollander,” he grumbles.

“That's why you're my emergency. To keep life exciting.”

Chapter End Notes

Updates will be inconsistent as I find inspiration

Chapter 2: What is the last song you listened to?

Chapter Summary

HARRIS: (off camera) Hollzy, what was the last song you listened to?

ILYA: (smirking) Harris, my husband doesn't listen to m–

SHANE: (cutting Ilya off) Shake Tramp by Marianas Trench.

Chapter Notes

I'm of the firm belief that Shane's music taste evolved in the early 00s to early 2010s pop punk scene and has not moved on since.

Thus, we are both Marianas Trench trash ✌️

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Chicago, are you ready to face the music?

[The video begins in a long plain hallway. Fluorescent lights buzz overhead and as the camera moves there are large posters passing by of each player on the Ottawa Centaurs. A door is pushed open, revealing the players lounge.]

HARRIS: (off camera) TROY!

BARRETT: JESUS! (jumps and stares just over the camera with a bug-eyed expression) What the hell, Harris?

HARRIS: (off camera)(giggling) Sorry! Quick, what was the last song you listened to?

BARRETT: (sighs loudly and turns back to the coffee machine) I don't know… That new song Fabian Salah just put out? I don't remember the name. We listened to it in your truck on the way here.

HARRIS: (off camera) Last song you listened to – Go!

BOOD: (visibly startled) Wheels on the bus.

BARRETT: (off camera)What the fuck?

BOOD: I got halfway here before I realized I didn't have to listen to kid's music because my kid wasn't in the car, but honestly? The Gracie's Corner version slaps.

HARRIS: (off camera)(laughs) Fair enough. Hazy?

HAYES: Honestly? The Pirates of the Caribbean main theme.

BOOD: And you all thought I was the weird one!

HARRIS: (off camera) Roz! What was the last song you listened to?

ILYA: I was listening to Bad Bunny in the car.

HARRIS: (off camera) Which song?

ILYA: (sighs and taps at his phone screen) Safaera.

HARRIS: (off camera) Do you speak Spanish?

ILYA: I barely speak Russian before 8 AM, Harris. We are operating on vibes alone this morning. Now, please let me through, I need coffee.

HARRIS: (off camera) Hollzy, what was the last song you listened to?

ILYA: (smirking) Harris, my husband doesn't listen to m–

SHANE: (cutting Ilya off) Shake Tramp by Marianas Trench.

HARRIS: (off camera) (laughs) Really?

SHANE: I am a Canadian Millennial, Harris. I am not immune to the siren song of Josh Ramsey.

ILYA: Who is Josh Ramsey? (Ilya makes an annoyed sound before he starts to jog after Shane) Shanya! Who is Josh Ramsey?

HARRIS: (off camera) Boys, what was the last song you listened to?

YOUNG: We all literally drove here together.

LaPOINTE: (sighs) Wish We Never Met by WhoHurtYou.

HOLMBERG: Pointy is going through some stuff.

HARRIS: (off camera) Who hurt you, indeed.

HARRIS: (off camera) What was the last song you listened to, Evan?

: DYKSTRAFriends in Low Places. Garth Brooks.

BOYLE: (laughs and stops walking next to Evan) You talking about us?

HARRIS: (off camera) What's the last song you listened to?

BOYLE: I just listened to my kids giving a lovely rendition of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the phone.

HARRIS: (off camera) Aww, that's cute.

CHOUINARD: Crisse, Harris!

HARRIS: (off camera) Sorry! While I've got you (laughs): What was the last song you listened to?

CHOUINARD: (starts to walk away, calls over his shoulder) Adore You by Harry Styles!

HARRIS: (off camera) Really?

HARRIS: (off camera) Luca, what was the last song you listened to?

HAAS: Oh, um… Exile by Taylor Swift.

@centaurworldd
why are our boys absolutely going through it???

@makeitmakecents
Roz surviving on caffeine and vibes ✌️

@marianastrench
We are also not immune to the siren song of @Hollander24 🫡

@hollanovice
don't look now but there's a Russian terminator looking for you

@considertheimplications
Once Roz figures out who Josh is he is coming for you lolol

@rararozanov
I'd never heard shake tramp before 👀 mr. Hollander!

@presspowerplay
okay but friends in low places kind of rocks as a cents coded song

@GraciesCorner
Wheels on the Bus is a classic for a reason @BoodsBBQ!

@lucashaasmyheart
exile? EXILE??? get behind me baby it's okay!

@shanesfreckles
Fabian Salah – I apologize Troy Barrett, I wasn't aware of your game.

“Who is Josh Ramsey?”

Shane laughs to himself as he sets his bag down at his stall. He turns to face Ilya with raised brows. “He is literally just the singer of a band I liked in high school,” he says, shaking his head in disbelief.

Ilya narrows his eyes as he pulls his phone back out. He makes his way over to the sound system and plugs his phone in. There is amplified clicking through the speakers in the room and it hits Shane's nerves wrong, causing his shoulders to bristle. Ilya notices and winces.

“Sorry,” he says softly before the sound stops.

The door to the dressing room opens just as the opening to the song Shake Tramp fills the air. Wyatt laughs as he walks across the room. “I didn't know you knew Marianas Trench, Roz,” he says with a grin, sitting at his stall.

“No. This is song that Shane said he last listened to. With his boyfriend Josh Ramsey.”

Shane throws his hands up, “Oh, my god, Ilya!”

More people filter in as the song continues and Shane watches the look of concentration on Ilya’s face as he is trying to listen and understand the face paced lyrics on a first listen. As the chorus hits, his eyebrows shoot up and he abruptly stops the song.

“Shane Hollander!” Ilya laughs, a faux scandalized tone to his voice, “Your boyfriend said he was going to slap you like a bitch and you'll take it like a whore!”

Shane's face floods with heat, feeling eyes on him and hearing amused chuckles from around the dressing room.

“You've said worse to me,” he replies, raising his brows.

Ilya’s face is torn between being delighted at the chirp and flushed at the implication. There is loud groaning from all around the room. Bood waves his arms through the air.

“Please, we do not want to be part of your foreplay. Either turn the music back on or find a new song!”

Wyatt laughs, “Bood is a big fan of Wheels on the Bus!”

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Don't worry, we curated your victory playlist for you, Centaur Fans! Celebrate that 3 - 2 win against Chicago like a Centaur!

[A link and a screenshot of a Spotify playlist featuring all of the songs mentioned in the video.]

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading and commenting and all that fun stuff

Love ya, uhh!

The Playlist!

Chapter 3: What is your hidden talent?

Chapter Summary

@slammeddownboodstyle
Hey… um… I think someone accidentally edited out Hollzy's bit.

@antivoyagersquad
WHAT WAS HOLLANDER'S ANSWER

@antivoyagersquad
I AM IN YOUR WALLS HARRIS DROVER TELL ME WHAT HOLLZY SAID

Chapter Notes

I have given Young, Holmberg, and LaPointe first names. I couldn't help myself.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
We've got a few tricks up our sleeves for the Admirals this weekend?

[The video begins moving into the Ottawa Centaurs dressing room. There are players all around in their practice gear. Some sitting in front of their stalls, others standing and milling about as they talk and laugh with each other.]

HARRIS: (off camera) Do you have a hidden talent or party trick?

YOUNG: (Blinks rapidly and lowers his water bottle) Um… I can roll a coin across my knuckles?

HARRIS: (off camera) Impressive!

HARRIS: (off camera) Luca, do you have a hidden talent or party trick?

HAAS: Um… I don't think so? Not really.

ILYA: (off camera) Don't lie! You are an artist, Haas. Show!

HAAS: (blushes) Oh. It's not that great and I don't have anything with me that I–

LaPOINTE: Here. (Steps into frame, holding a piece of paper.) Haas drew this for me when we were in the playoffs last season.

HARRIS: (off camera) Luca, you drew that? It's so good!

HAAS: (clearly uncomfortable with the attention) Okay, thank you. It's someone else's turn now.

HARRIS: (off camera) Since you're here, LaPointe, what is your party trick?

LaPOINTE: I need a table.

HOLMBERG: (off camera) Oh, this is sick.

BOYLE: (off camera) The kid is a freak.

BARRETT: (off camera) That is not normal.

SHANE: (off camera) Oh, my god. Stop it.

HOLMBERG: (off camera) That's nothing, watch this!

ILYA: (off camera) What is wrong with all of you?!

HOLMBERG: (from the floor) Okay, what can you do then, Cap?

ILYA: I can do the fast part of Godzilla.

BOOD: (off camera) Bullshit!

BARRETT: (off camera)No you can't!

ILYA: Fill 'em with the venom and eliminate 'em. Other words, I'ma minute-em, I don't wanna injure 'em, but I did a villain In the gym, I'm finna pick up a pen and hit 'em with a venom And eliminate 'em, other words, I'ma minute-em...

ILYA: I got a trailer full of money and I'm paid in full. I'm not afraid to pull a— Man, stop.

HARRIS: (off camera) Oh, my god.

BOOD: (off camera) How did you even learn that?

ILYA: (shrugs) I had time– I made a lot of drives to and from Montreal for a while.

HARRIS: (off camera)What about you, Dykstra?

DYKSTRA: I can make squirt water out of my hands like a water gun!

BARRETT: Dude!

HARRIS: (off camera) (laughs) Okay, Troy. Your turn– dazzle us.

BARRETT: Ugh, I don't know. I can… say the alphabet backwards?

YOUNG: (off camera) Oh brother, this guy stinks!

HARRIS: (off camera) Go on.

BARRETT: (sighs and rolls his eyes) ZYX-WVUT-SRQP-ONMLK-JIH-GFED-CBA

HARRIS: (off camera) Shane Hollander! Canada's golden boy! What is your hidden talent?

SHANE: Um… I can–

HARRIS: (off camera)Bood, what is your hidden talent?

BOOD: I can do the wave with my eyebrows!

CHOUINARD: (off camera) That is all?

ILYA: (off camera) BOO!

BOOD: That's short for my name, that's approval!

HARRIS: (off camera)Boyle? Any party tricks or talents?

BOYLE: I can rip an apple in half.

HAYES: (off camera) (laughs) Bullshit! Someone go get an apple from the lounge!

LaPOINTE: (off camera) That's wild!

HAYES: (off camera) I stand corrected.

HARRIS: (off camera) Alright, Wyatt, what about you?

HAYES: I can do a kip up?

HOLMBERG: (off camera) Do it!

BARRETT: (off camera)That was cool as hell.

HARRIS: (off camera)Very nice, Hazy!

HAYES: (bows and waves) Thank you, thank you!

HARRIS: (off camera) Last but not least– Nick, whatcha got?

CHOUINARD: Uh, I can balance a hockey stick on my nose?

BOYLE: (off camera) Isn't this how you busted your lip and broke a lamp last year?

CHOUINARD: I've gotten better!

HAYES: (off camera) Prove it!

The video fades to black.

ILYA: (off camera) Nobody look at my husband!

@slammeddownboodstyle
Hey… um… I think someone accidentally edited out Hollzy's bit.

@antivoyagersquad
WHAT WAS HOLLANDER'S ANSWER

@antivoyagersquad
I AM IN YOUR WALLS HARRIS DROVER TELL ME WHAT HOLLZY SAID

@lucahaasmyheart
My boy is an artist 😍

@rozandrrr
pls roz spent months (years??) driving between Ottawa and Montreal just casually learning the literal fastest rap verse ever????

@wannapuckaboutit
Why are the children so freakishly flexible??? What are they feeding them????¿

@troybarrettsabs
Yes first line wingers give us nothing 🫰

@getinmycrease
i know Boyle and Chouinard stay annoying their wives

@centaurswaterboiii
What is happening in the Hollanov household???

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
OTTAWA WINS against NEW YORK 4 - 1. Looks like @Hollander24's party trick is actually a hat trick!

[A short video highlighting each of Shane's three goals against the Admirals.]

@shanesleftnip
You can't distract us! What did he do in the video!!!!!

@shanesrightnipple
RELEASE THE FOOTAGE DROVER

@shanesleftnip
Omg brother!

@shanesrightnipple
BROTHER

“I can put a Starburst in my mouth, unwrap it and fold the wrapper back up with my tongue.”

The silence in the dressing room is deafening. Shane looks around at his friends and teammates with a slightly furrowed brow, unsure of what to make of their reaction. Or lack thereof.

“There's no way,” Troy whispers, mostly to himself.

“Are there any Starbursts in the lounge? We have to see this,” Bood says from across the room.

Jordan and Felix all but sprint from the room, no doubt heading towards the player's lounge. Shane shifts a bit uncomfortably in the heavy quiet. He rubs at the back of his neck and looks up at Ilya who is standing beside him. There is an unreadable but not unfamiliar expression on his face. Before Shane could ask, or analyze any further, the door is thrown up.

Holding his fist in the air, Jordan runs over to Shane and holds his hand out. There are several different colored Starburst in his palm.

“We didn't know what flavor,” he says quickly, breathing heavily.

Shane nods and plucks the yellow one from Young's palm. He casually tosses the candy into his mouth. It's strange to do this with a room full of eyes on him, but Shane looks down at the floor. He'd found out he could do this in high school. It was a weird thing that kept his mouth occupied while he did other things. He hadn't really thought about it in years having moved on to hoodie strings and toothpicks and his husband.

He allows the saliva to fill his mouth and wet the wrapper before easing the edges up with the tip of his tongue. He works easily, slowly peeling back paper and rotating the candy against his teeth. Once the candy is released, he tucks it into his cheek like a chipmunk. He bends, folds, and twists his tongue to fold the paper wrapper before pushing it out through his lips.

Shane plucks the folded wrapper from his lips with his fingers and looks up, expecting some sort of reaction to the cool trick. Instead, he is met with wide eyes and red cheeks from almost everyone around him. Ilya, snapping out of his stupor, moves in front of Shane, frantically waving his arms.

“Nobody look at my husband!”

At home, curled up on the couch after dinner with TSN on the television, Shane absently runs his finger over the curve of Ilya’s bicep. He can't concentrate on the sportscasters breaking down the Guardians and Bears game. His thoughts are stuck and treading water.

“Ilyusha?” Shane whispers.

Ilya hums softly, “Da?”

“Why was everyone so weird about the party trick thing?”

Under his hand, Shane can feel Ilya's muscles stiffen. Shane sits up straight and looks back at his husband with his brows drawn close. Ilya is looking back at him, his eyes flitting quickly across Shane's face like he's trying to figure out why Shane is asking. Finally, he sighs and runs a large hand down his own face.

“Okay. It is similar trick to tying a cherry stem with your tongue. It is… a way to show your talents with your tongue,” Ilya slowly explains.

It takes a few seconds.

And then it suddenly clicks.

“Oh, my god!”

Chapter End Notes

...are you seeing my vision?

Chapter 4: What is the last book you read?

Chapter Summary

@Voyageme
Rozanov can read?

@mrsrozanov
Maybe you should try reading the room and fuck off back to Montreal babe 😘

Chapter Notes

I found out that Will Smith (hockey) started a book club on the Sharks and I just... couldn't resist.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Hey, Buffalo – There's still time to hit the books before our game! 📖

[The video begins outside of the arena. The sun is setting. Several cars are scattered around the parking lot and the camera focuses on a set of double doors.]

HARRIS: (off camera) Alright, boys, what is the last book you read?

CHOUINARD: I was on story time duty last night. We read Where the Wild Things Are.

HARRIS: (off camera) Wait, I loved that one as a kid!

DYKSTRA: I read The Very Hungry Caterpillar to Susie this morning.

HARRIS: (off camera) Cute, cute.

HARRIS: (off camera) What's the last book you read?

YOUNG: We're all reading the same book right now, actually!

HOLMBERG: Yeah! We started a book club!

HARRIS: (off camera) You three? Started a book club?

HARRIS: (off camera) Well, what book are you reading now?

LaPOINTE: Song of Achilles.

HARRIS: (off camera) Holy shit, really?

YOUNG: I'm almost done. It is sad as shit, man.

HOLMBERG: (slaps Jordan in the arm) I'm not there yet!

LaPOINTE: (shrugs) It's really good so far.

HAYES: Hi, Harris.

HARRIS: (off camera) (laughs) Hi, Wyatt. What was the last book you read?

HAYES: Oh, man! I just finished reading the Ice Cream Man anthology!

HARRIS: (off camera) Ice Cream Man…?

HAYES: Yes! Like base level, on the surface, it seems like this simple horror anthology where each issue features a different setting and different characters, with the titular ICM serving as something of a host or instigator. Kind of like The Twilight Zone, if Rod Sterling was more directly responsible for all the weird and horrible crap that goes down.

HARRIS: (off camera) Whoa, that sounds cool.

HAYES: It is! Let me know if you wanna borrow it sometime!

HARRIS: (off camera) Bood, Boyle. What's the last book you read?

BOOD: Cassie's got me reading The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. She read it a couple months ago and she asked me to read it so we can talk about it. It's hard between the little man and playing but I'm getting through it!

BOYLE: My brother got the twins a Lord of the Rings ABC book. It's called One Book to Learn Them All. We read that about a hundred times yesterday.

HARRIS: (off camera) Luca, what is the last book you read?

HAAS: It's been a while since I've had time to actually sit and finish a book. Over the summer, I read the Song of Achilles. That was really good.

HARRIS: (off camera) Song of Achilles? You're not in the…

HAAS: In the what?

HARRIS: (off camera) Nevermind. Have a good night, Luca!

HARRIS: (off camera) What's the last book you read?

ILYA: I finished Anna Karenina a few nights ago. I re-read it once a year.

HARRIS: (off camera) Do you really?

ILYA: (Shrugs) Usually, yes.

HARRIS: (off camera) Do you read it in Russian?

ILYA: ...I should read Russian novel in English?

HARRIS: (off camera) Fair point. (Laughs) What about you, Shane?

SHANE: I'm currently reading Breakaway by Tal Pinchevsky.

ILYA: Pinchevsky? Is Russian?

SHANE: Why do you sound confused? It's about the players who escaped from the USSR to join the NHL. You literally see me reading this book every night.

ILYA: (smirks) Yes, but you have on your little glasses when you read and my brain can only hold so much information when my husband is being so alluring.

HARRIS: (off camera) (laughs loudly) Okay, good night, boys.

HARRIS: (off camera) Troy, what's the last book you read?

BARRETT: (groans) Harris…

HARRIS: (off camera) C'mon. Share with the class.

BARRETT: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Which has nothing to do with my mom, by the way. She's great.

HARRIS: (off camera) Shout out Julie!

[The video ends on a shot of Troy smiling brightly as he laughs and shakes his head.]

@OttawaPublicLibrary
Such good choices all around! Go Cens!

@julie_fraser
Love you, Harris! (And Troy, obviously 😘)

@h.drover
💖💛💖💛✨️✨️💖💛💖💛

@hollanovs3rd
hollanov being so fkn cute and gross and in love im gnawing at the bars of my enclosure

@Voyageme
Rozanov can read?

@mrsrozanov
Maybe you should try reading the room and fuck off back to Montreal babe 😘

@rehabilitatedpuckbunny
Love that the kids have a book club and what a book to start with jeez

@gaytheprayaway
I know what you are felix 👀

@hollanovdefensesquad
Maybe don't be gross and speculative about personal shit

@gaytheprayaway
Aren't you the one sharing every pap shot and tabloid article about hollanov??????

@lucahaasmyheart
Why isn't Luca in the book club??? 😕

@centsandsensibility
Love all the dads reading with their kids 🥰🥰

@shanesleftnip
Can we also see Shane in his little glasses 🙏🙏🙏

@theresascreencapforthat
[A screenshot of the ‘Shut up and take my money’ scene from Futurama.]

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Absolute TEXTBOOK goal from Luca Haas to win the game in OT tonight!
[A video of Luca Haas firing the puck up over the Buffalo goalie with a beautiful backhand shot. He is swarmed by his teammates as the buzzer sounds to end the game. There is a large group huddle/hug of the Ottawa team, when they begin to pull away Luca Haas and Felix LaPointe are the last two still touching.]

@lucahaasmyheart
🥹im so happy i could cry🥹

@shanesfreckles
We are unstoppable this season!!

@gaytheprayaway
👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Ilya drops his toothbrush into the little cup beside the sink and turns to leave the bathroom. From the doorway he sees Shane curled up on his side of the bed with his little glasses perched on his nose. He has the book he's been reading pulled up close to his face as he relaxes back against the pillows behind him.

He looks so soft and sweet and Ilya kind of wants to bite him.

Just a little.

Ilya pads softly into the room so as not to disturb his husband. He quietly slips his phone off of the top of his dresser where he left it when they came upstairs, and opens his camera app. This has been a simple joy of Ilya’s since the two of them got married – being able to not just take and save pictures of Shane whenever he wants, but also post them if he wants without fear of repercussions.

He snaps a few pictures of Shane with the end of his bookmark between his lips as he intently reads the words in front of him. His eyebrows are scrunched ever-so-slightly and his glasses have slipped just a bit down his nose.

God, Ilya wants to ravish him.

Ilya smiles to himself as he climbs into bed beside Shane. He leans over to press a soft kiss to Shane's cheek, sneaking a peek at what he is reading.

“Do you know how to say his name?” Ilya asks, just to be an asshole, pointing at a name in the book.

“Отъебись,” Shane replies simply, turning the page.

Ilya laughs, loudly. He can see Shane biting back his own smile. Leave it to Shane to learn how to tell him to fuck off in Russian as soon as possible.

Rolling his eyes, Ilya goes back to his phone with a fond smile.

@Rozanov81✔️
[A photo of Shane Hollander wearing an Irina Foundation t-shirt while sitting in a king size bed with his glasses on while reading Breakaway by Tal Pinchevsky. He is lit from the side by the warm light of his beside lamp. He looks comfortable and soft, entirely focused on his book.]
My boring husband 🩵

@shanesleftnip
Thank you, Mr. Rozanov 🤝🤝🤝

@itsholander
ITS SO FLUFFY IM GONNA DIIIIE

@rozandrrr
Find you a man who looks at you how Shane looks at a boring ass book 😍

@troybarrettsabs
Domestic life looks good on Hollander 👀

@puckpuckpass
Bless you Ilya Rozanov 🙏

Chapter End Notes

I am pushing an agenda.

Chapter 5: If you could be an animal for a day, what would you be?

Chapter Summary

ILYA: Why Shane?!

SHANE: (shrugs) To piss you off.

Chapter Notes

I saw a tiktok about this and here we are.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Welcome to the jungle, Vancouver! 🦁

[The video begins moving through the tunnel up toward the rink. On the ice, several members of the Ottawa Centaurs are running drills or skating laps. On the bench is Nick Chouinard and Zane Boodram, both without their helmets as the rest and rehydrate.]

HARRIS: (off camera) Good afternoon, gentlemen.

CHOUINARD: (chuckles and shakes his head) Hello, Harris.

BOOD: (grins) Hey, Harris.

HARRIS: (off camera) Quick question: If you could be any animal for a day, what would you be?

BOOD: A whale shark.

CHOUINARD: That was so quick. How could you pick that fast?

BOOD: (shrugs) I think it would be fun to just chill and float around the ocean.

HARRIS: (off camera) What about you, Nick?

CHOUINARD: I don't know. A bear, maybe? One of those ones during Fat Bear Week so I can eat as much as I want and be cheered on for it.

BOOD: Maybe you should have done competitive eating instead of professional hockey.

HARRIS: (off camera) Troy, if you could be an animal for a day, what would you be?

BARRETT: Hm. A giraffe. (winks and skates away)

LaPOINTE: No, but Patroclus said that h–

HAAS: (looks up and spots the camera) Hi, Harris.

HARRIS: (off camera) Sorry to interrupt, but I have a question.

LaPOINTE: Shoot.

HARRIS: (off camera) If you could be an animal for a day, what would you be?

LaPOINTE: I know what you should be! (points to Luca)

HAAS: (skeptically) And what's that?

LaPOINTE: A swan!

HAAS: A swan?! Why a swan?

LaPOINTE: You like the water. You've got a long neck. And you can actually be very scary sometimes.

HAAS: What if I don't want to be a swan?

LaPOINTE: I'll be a swan with you.

HAAS: (smiles) Okay. We'll be swans together.

HARRIS: (off camera) If you could be an animal for a day, what would you be?

DYKSTRA: A moose.

BOYLE: You are so Canadian.

DYKSTRA: And what you'd be a bald eagle?

BOYLE: Maybe!

HARRIS: (off camera) Alright boys, if you could be an animal for a day, what would you be?

HOLMBERG: A lion. (playfully ‘rawrs’ at the camera making a claws gesture with his free hand)

YOUNG: (laughs and slaps his arm) Dude, that's so dumb.

HOLMBERG: Okay, so what would you be, then?

YOUNG: An orangutan.

HOLMBERG: You got mad last time I called you that!

YOUNG: Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger or ginger related names!

HARRIS: (off camera) Hazy, if you could be an animal for a day, what would you be?

HAYES: Oooh, tough question. Maybe like an otter? They seem cool and fun.

HARRIS: (off camera) Roz, Hollzy. If you could be an animal for a day, what would you be?

ILYA: A dog. Because I am so fun and cute and loyal. (leans close to Shane and taps his own cheek)

SHANE: (rolls his eyes but kisses Ilya’s cheek) I would be a loon.

ILYA: Why Shane?!

SHANE: (shrugs) To piss you off.

[The video ends as Shane grins brightly at Ilya before turning away to walk back to his own stall.]

@gaytheprayaway
FUN FACT: swans mate for life

@gaytheprayaway
iknowwhatyouarefelixlapointe

@sillybillyboii
What does Roz have against loons? Doesnt he have a loon tattoo???

@futuremrsrozanov
[A photo from the team instagram where Ilya is in a tank top, clearly showing the loon tattoo on his left arm.]

@lucahaasmyheart
Were they talking about Song of Achilles??? Is my boy in the book club now?

@shanemomander
The casual cheek kiss tho????

@ourboytroy
Why are we winking about a giraffe? What's going on?

“Shane, you cannot be a loon.”

Shane smirks as he pulls off his pads, “You didn't even know what a loon was until a few years ago.”

“Well, I know now and I hate them. My husband cannot be evil bird!”

Troy laughs softly from a few stalls down. He turns to look at Ilya with a grin stretching across his face. “They're just birds, Roz.”

Shane yanks off his compression top and pushes a hand through his hair, to get it out of his face. “The first time he heard a loon call at our cottage he thought it was a wolf,” Shane shares with a tease smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

From across the dressing room, there is a very distinct loon call. Ilya jumps and whips around, trying to find where the sound came from. Troy and Shane simultaneously lift their hands to their mouths and make loon calls of their own.

“How do you all know how to do that?” Ilya demands, glaring between the two, now giggling, men.

Wyatt stands and pulls off his own jersey, “They take all Canadian boys into the woods when we turn ten and we can only come home once we master the loon call.”

He then makes his own loon call with his hands.

Shane can see Ilya’s shoulders tense.

He ignores it, “I never did see my friend Tyler again after his tenth birthday. Our teacher said he moved to Alberta but… we all knew.”

Snickering is heard from all over the room.

Just as Luca comes out of the showers, a towel wrapped around his waist, Evan lifts his cupped hands to his lips to make another loon call. Luca, obviously shocked by the sound, jumps and drops the towel he'd been drying his hair with.

“What the hell was that?” he demands.

Ilya points emphatically at Luca, “See! Is scary sound. No more! No more wolf bird sounds!”

“Wolf bird?!” Luca asks, clearly shocked.

Shane grins at Troy but shrugs his shoulders. “Fine, no more,” he says, reaching out to squeeze Ilya's hand.

“And you cannot be a loon, either,” Ilya says firmly, fixing Shane with a glare.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
You win some, you lose some. But at least we're having fun!

[A video of all of the Canadian members of the Centaurs skating laps around the empty rink making loon calls. The camera shifts to a very annoyed Ilya who sits on the bench with a confused Luca and Josh beside him.]

@hollanovnation
I support Shane Hollander in trolling his husband

@luckyluca
I dont understand what is happening

@vanhockeyforlife
This is why you lost

@wannapuckaboutit
u sound like ur fun at parties

@shanesleftskate
sure why not 🤷🏼‍♂️

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading and supporting it means so much 💛

Chapter 6: What is the perfect date?

Chapter Summary

HOLMBERG: Picture this!

YOUNG: Sicily, 1920…

HOLMBERG: What?

YOUNG: (shakes head) Nothing, continue.

Chapter Notes

I've lost control of my life.
Here is another chapter.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
We're looking for fun ways to celebrate when we beat you tomorrow, Detroit! 😘

[Video begins by focusing on the sign outside of the gym in the Ottawa training center. The heavy door is pushed open to reveal several members of the Centaurs either working out or congregating and talking.]

HARRIS: (off camera) Shane. What is the perfect date?

SHANE: (grunts softly) What, Harris?

HARRIS: (off camera) The perfect date. What do you think is the perfect date?

SHANE: April 25th, because it's not too hot and it's not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.

BARRETT: (laughs) Did you just casually quote Miss Congeniality?

SHANE: (racks the weights and sits up) It's a good movie.

HARRIS: (off camera) It wasn't what I meant.

SHANE: (grins) Maybe be more specific?

HARRIS: (off camera) You spend too much time with Roz. Troy– Same question.

BARRETT: I don't know, there's a spa in Quebec that's a real great time.

MULTIPLE PEOPLE: Ooooooooh.

HARRIS: (off camera) Okay, boys, what is the perfect date?

HOLMBERG: Picture this!

YOUNG: Sicily, 1920…

HOLMBERG: What?

YOUNG: (shakes head) Nothing, continue.

HOLMBERG: Okay, anyway. Progressive date.

LaPOINTE: (laughs) Ally!

HOLMBERG: Shut. Up. I just mean you do like drinks, appetizers, dinner, and dessert all at different places. You try new things, you do a little walk around. You talk, you laugh, It's fun.

HARRIS: (off camera) Oh that's kind of cute. Good for you, Bergy. LaPointe, what about you?

LaPOINTE: I went on… well it wasn't a date but we went to the National Gallery and we each picked something gor the other person and looked at it for like five minutes and then tried to draw it from memory. Mine was so bad but it was a lot of fun.

YOUNG: I'dunno, that sounds like a date to me.

HOLMBERG: If it walks like a date and quacks like a date…

HARRIS: (off camera) Jordy? What about you?

YOUNG: Perfect for me or for her? Cause I'm a cheap date, man. I like an arcade and playing games together. But I'm down for anything!

HARRIS: (off camera) Roz, what is the perfect date?

ILYA: Well… (grins lewdly and glances to where Shane is spotting Troy at the bench)

SHANE: (off camera) Don't.

ILYA: (laughs) For my birthday this year, my husband Shane Hollander–

SHANE: (off camera) As if you have another husband.

ILYA: I'm ignoring you. Anyway, Harris. My husband, Shane Hollander, took me to a race track and I got to drive so many fast cars. Then, we got in a fancy limo and he let me get McDonald's in the limo. Then we went to our cottage and sat on the dock on lake and watched stars.

HARRIS: (off camera) Aw, Shane.

SHANE: (off camera) You can't give a sincere answer when I told a joke!

ILYA: Harris, did my husband tell a joke?

HARRIS: (off camera) (laughs) He did! I told him that he spends too much time with you.

ILYA: Yes, yes. I'm really rubbing off on him.

HARRIS: (off camera) Bood, what is the perfect date?

BOOD: Cooking. A class, or at home together. Cas and I are big foodies.

HARRIS: (off camera) That's nice. What about you, Wyatt?

HAYES: My wife is a doctor so most of our dates consist of me rubbing her feet after a shift while she drinks wine and we catch up on whatever show we are trying to watch.

HARRIS: (off camera) That sounds so nice, though.

BOOD: Barrett, are you taking notes?!

HARRIS: (off camera) What is the perfect date?

CHOUINARD: Selena and I like to go hiking. We plan a big hike and have lunch somewhere that's quiet and just us. She brings wine and I usually end up carrying her back to the car, but she deserves it.

BOYLE: Aw, Choui. (laughs) Nicole is a big book reader. So I like to take her to bookstores and get her a coffee and let her run wild.

HARRIS: (off camera) (laughs) Good man.

DYKSTRA: We do a weekend camping thing. Find a nice a spot and get away just us.

HARRIS: (off camera) Luca, what do you think is the perfect date?

HAAS: Like a museum or an art gallery, probably. There's a lot to see and you can walk around a lot to talk.

HARRIS: (off camera) Have you been to the National Gallery?

HAAS: Yeah, uh… (smiles) Once or twice. It's nice.

[The video ends as Luca walks away, pulling his phone out of his pocket.]

@troybarrettsworkoutroutine
Loveboy Barrett. Loverboy Barrett. Loverboyyyyyyy Barretttttttt.

@centitoff
Roz out here making sure we all know he's married (to his husband)

@rozmeoff
His husband, Shane Hollander

@jesshootinanhollerin
Shane Hollander (Roz's husband)

@gaytheprayaway
LaPointe is out here making my job so easy

@slammedownboodstyle
no one mentioning young's golden girls reference???? just me??

@centaurtrashh
imagine being on a hike and seeing choui carrying his drunk wife down the trail on his back like a lil backpack 💀

@voyagerboi95
Didn't know Hollander knew what a joke was

@holeander
Montreal thinking they'll ever win anything without him is the real joke

@lucahaasmyheart
Haas. Is. So. Cute.

@freebostonroz
anyone else think the ‘he let me’ thing was weird??

@hollanovtilidie
roz is right where he wants to be – eating big macs in a limo and stargazing with his husband

@getinmycrease
His husband, Shane Hollander

Ilya slides into the booth beside Shane, slipping an arm around his shoulders as he settles. Shane presses against his side immediately, and Ilya tries to not look as positively pleased as he feels at the unconscious action of his husband. Ilya drops a quick kiss to the top of Shane's head and hums softly.

“So what joke answer did you give Harris?”

Shane scoffs, “I quoted a movie.”

Across the table, Troy laughs as he sips his drink, “He told Harris that the perfect date is ‘April 25th, because it's not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket’.”

“What movie is this from?”

Everyone at their table freezes. Shane sits up and slowly turns his head to look back at Ilya in disbelief. “You've never seen Miss Congeniality?” he asks, sounding truly offended.

“Miss Con– What?”

Wyatt shakes his head, “Miss Congeniality. It's a great movie, man.”

“Hi, hello. I am not from North America,” Ilya says, looking around the table feeling a bit lost.

Shane drops a hand to rest on Ilya’s knee and gives it a small squeeze. “We'll watch it on our day off tomorrow,” he says, leaning over to press a kiss against Ilya’s cheek.

“It's a date,” Ilya says with a grin, “And then maybe I can rub off on you some more.”

“Okay! I'm going to play pool!” Bood shouts, practically climbing over Wyatt to get up from the table.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
We had fun, Detroit. 😉😏 Maybe our second date can be in Ottawa?

[A video showing the power play at the end of the third period. Shane is at center and Ilya is at his right wing. They flow together beautifully, attacking the ice and breaking away down to the other goal. Shane dekes a defenseman, sliding left and passing the puck to Ilya just as he crosses in front, and scores on a gorgeous wrist shot.]

@detroitdesucks
I'm gonna need a couple of strong boys to take one for the team and start kissing so we can stop losing so BAD EVERY GAME

Chapter End Notes

My agenda is agenda-ing and I am almost where I want to be.

Chapter 7: Who do you trust to keep a secret?

Chapter Summary

@lahaaslife
i know shane knows so much gossip about this team

@shanesrightnip
Its why his ass is so fat, its full of secrets

Chapter Notes

🙌 It's tiiiiiiiiiiime 🙌

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Hey Columbus, you wanna know a secret? 🤫

[The video starts outside of the arena in Ottawa. The team has wrapped up a meeting and are heading to the bus to the airport for their next game.]

HARRIS: (off camera) Who on the team do you trust to keep a secret?

ILYA: Easy, Shane.

BOOD: Holly

BARRETT: Hollander

HAAS: Shane

DYKSTRA: Hollz

HOLMBERG: Hollzy

LaPOINTE: Hollzy

CHOUINARD: Hollander

BOYLE: Hollander

HAYES: Shane

YOUNG: Hollzy

SHANE: (grins and shrugs) I mean, Ilya kept a pretty big secret of mine for a long time.

[The video ends on a shot of the team bus pulling away, heading to the airport.

@shaneoishisnameo
idk this feels kinda sad tbh

@crazy4hazy
ikr like hollzy was in the closet and hiding his bf for yearssssssss

@puckingpuckandpuck
not everything is sad and gay™ maybe they just trust hollander???

@ourboytroy
this feels like team mom energy like lets all go tell hollzy all the tea and feel better

@mrsrozanov24
i would trust shane hollander with my life

@layounbergtriplets
do you think they coordinated their answers or they all just would trust hollzy with the nuclear codes?

@lahaaslife
i know shane knows so much gossip about this team

@shanesrightnip
Its why his ass is so fat, its full of secrets

@centartrashh
Lore Master Shane Hollander

@hollanovdefender
But how long did he keep that secret Shane? Like… time frame, give or take? ✍️✍️

At first, Shane isn't too sure that he hears it. He's in the hotel bathroom, doing his skincare, and he freezes for a moment to strain his ears over the obnoxiously loud bathroom fan. No, that's definitely someone knocking on the door. Shane sighs and finishes rubbing in the moisturizer on his face. He grabs a hand towel and makes his way to the door, wiping off his hands as he goes.

Peering through the peephole he spots a very nervous looking Felix LaPointe standing in the hall.

“Hi, Felix,” he says as he opens the door.

The younger man jolts slightly, obviously startled. His eyes flit over Shane and he is immediately aware that he's only wearing a pair of sweatpants. Felix shakes his head and rubs at the back of his neck.

“Um, is Cap here?”

Shane's brow furrows, “No, sorry. He went down to the hotel bar with Bood and Wyatt like ten minutes ago if you wanted t–”

“I actually was hoping to talk to just you,” Felix says in a rush, cutting Shane off.

“Oh, okay. Um, come in,” Shane says, taking a step back to open the door.

Felix slips past Shane and stands a bit awkwardly in the middle of the room. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and glances around, clearly nervous. Shane sighs and goes to the desk where Ilya dropped his own hoodie when they arrived and pulls it over his head to cover his bare chest.

“You can sit, if you'd like,” Shane says, trying to ease some of the kid's tension.

Shane had been a captain for many years in Montreal. He'd dealt with innumerable rookies and young players coming to him for advice and help out of silly little problems. This wasn't exactly new for him.

He was just confused as to why Felix wanted to talk to him and not Ilya.

Felix nods a bit jerkily and perches himself on the very edge of the bed. He folds his hands in his lap and avoids looking at Shane altogether.

Shane leans back against the desk, “Is everything al–”

“I'm bi.”

The abrupt confession causes the gears in Shane's brain to screech to a halt. He blinks rapidly as he attempts to recalibrate his expectations of this conversation. He realizes that he may have been quiet for too long when Felix finally looks up at him with wide eyes.

Oh, shit.

“Wow. Thank you for telling me. Have you told anyone else?”

Felix shrugs, “Not in those exact words.”

Shane hums softly, “Sometimes the words are hard.”

At least Felix smiles at that as he nods. Shane pushes a hand through his hair as he silently weighs his options for continuing forward.

“I'm going to ask a question and it's going to sound… rude but I promise it's not and that's just how my voice is sometimes. Why are you telling me?”

Felix worries his hands together in his lap, and he looks back down at the carpet. Shane can see the way his jaw muscles tense and how his Adam's apple bobs with a forceful swallow. He shifts a bit uncomfortably as he lets out a heavy sigh.

“I figured you might understand. Especially considering what I'm about to tell you. And I know, like, Cap will mean well but I don't know… you feel like the calmer, safer, option,” he explains with an almost defeated shrug.

Shane straightens up and walks over to sit beside Felix on the end of the bed. He doesn't say anything, doesn't push, he just waits.

Finally, Felix hangs his head with a sigh. His eyes close.

“Last season. Luca and I… we hooked up. A couple of times. We hung out and shit and then during the summer he went back to Switzerland. We didn't talk much. Or at all. And I kept seeing him post online of him doing all these things and hanging out with these guys. I don't even know if they did anything but… I don't know. And then when he came back to Ottawa before preseason he didn't talk to me. Suddenly, we were just teammates and not even friends. I just… I don't…”

As Felix loses his loosely held composure, Shane scoots a bit closer and wraps an arm around his shoulders. Under his arm, Felix takes a few steadying breaths that cause Shane's arm to rise and drop with his shoulders.

“We've been talking more but I'm, like, afraid to bring it up. I don't wanna sound desperate or anything but I really like him and even if he doesn't like me like that, I kind of need him to at least say it. I don't like this in between bullshit.”

Shane nods and squeezes gently around Felix's shoulders. He sighs and asks, “Can I let you in on a secret?”

Felix nods, turning his head to look over at Shane.

“Ilya and I were… casually together for a long time before we were officially together. There was a period of time where he didn't talk to me for like six months and then when we saw each other again he asked me to suck his dick in a public bathroom.”

Felix scoffs, “Dude.”

Shane laughs softly and shakes his head. “It was a long time ago. The point is. For a long time we were stupid and danced around the idea of feelings and being more than a fun hook-up. We hurt ourselves and each other because we refused to talk about it. If you need to talk about it, you have to bite the bullet and go for it.”

Before Felix could say anything else, the electronic lock on the door whirs softly before the door pushes open. Ilya steps inside the hotel room with a plastic bag hanging from his wrist, and stops a few steps in as the door closes heavily behind him.

Felix jumps, scrambling away from Shane and to his feet.

“I… it's not…” Felix stumbles over himself, staring at Ilya with wide eyes.

Shane laughs, loudly.

Ilya grins and looks over at Shane with raised eyebrows, “I go for a drink and bring you back food and you have one of the rookies in my bed?”

Felix looks like he's going to die, and Shane just laughs harder. He tries to get himself under control. When he finally manages, he gets to his feet as he wipes at the moisture in his eyes. Ilya rolls his eyes and goes to set the bag of food down on the desk. Shane walks over and places a hand on Felix's shoulder.

“It's fine, relax. But, I do think you should talk to him, okay?”

Shane leads Felix to the door as the younger man nods slowly. Shane opens the door and gestures out into the hall.

Felix steps past the threshold and turns to face Shane with a small but grateful smile, “Thanks, Hollzy. Um, goodnight. Goodnight, Cap.”

“Goodnight, LaPointe! Please stay out of my bed with my husband next time!”

Shane laughs again, closing the door in Felix's red face.

Ilya looks over once they are alone and smiles, “What did he want?”

Shrugging, Shane walks over and wraps his arms around Ilya’s waist. “It's a secret,” he murmurs, kissing Ilya’s jaw.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Secret's out: Ottawa wins 6 - 1 against Columbus! 🤫

[A short video of highlights including 2 goals by Luca Haas, 2 goals by Shane Hollander, 1 goal by Troy Barrett, and 1 goal by Felix LaPointe.]

@lucahaasmyheart
My boy was on FIRE tonight holy shit

@columbuschoseme
Ottawa is playing like gods and we are playing like drunk toddlers WHAT IS HAPPENING

@detroitdesucks
I'm telling ya these boys gotta start playing tonsil hockey so they can play real hockey!!!!!!

Chapter End Notes

Love ya, uhhhh

Chapter 8: What's the funniest thing that's happened to you?

Chapter Summary

HARRIS: (off camera) I can't use that answer, Barrett!

BARRETT: (yelling over his shoulder) Not my problem, Drover!

Chapter Notes

More than one of these answers are based on a real experience I've had 👉👉 Have fun!

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Hey, Toronto, want to hear something funny?

[The video begins staring down a long, empty hallway of the Centaurs training rink. There are voices and laughter coming from all around. A mini stick with a microphone on the toe is visible in the lower part of the frame.]

HARRIS: (off camera) What is the funniest thing that's happened to you?

SHANE: Getting outed via FanMail is objectively pretty ridiculous.

ILYA: (surprised laugh) Shanya!

HARRIS: (off camera) Oh, my god, Shane!

SHANE: I'm sorry, can I not find humor in my trauma?

HARRIS: (off camera) I just didn't expect that answer! (Laughs) Roz, what about you?

ILYA: You know, a few summers ago, I broke my nose t–

SHANE: Nope! We're done!

HARRIS: (off camera) What is the funniest thing that's happened to you?

BOOD: Being from Trinidad and getting drafted by and living in Ottawa is kind of hilarious.

BOYLE: In college, I was at a party on St. Patrick's Day. I got hammered and sang Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced on top of a pool table, and when I tried to climb down my pants ripped on the corner.

BOOD: (laughs loudly) You win!

HARRIS: (off camera)What is the funniest thing that's happened to you?

DYKSTRA: As a teenager, I got benched because I was late to practice and no one believed me that it was because I got hit by a moose.

HARRIS: (off camera) You hit a moose with your car?!

DYKSTRA: No. I got hit by a moose. I was stopped at a sign and it was like 5AM and suddenly my whole truck shook. A moose popped outta the trees, rammed my passenger door, and ran off!

CHOUINARD: That might be the most Canadian thing that has ever happened, ever.

HARRIS: (off camera)Well, what about you, Choui?

CHOUINARD: I recently had to sit in a conference with my middle daughter's teacher because she has been repeating grown up words at school and I had to keep a straight face as her teacher read off the list of things she has been saying. Selena kept pinching my leg because I was smiling.

HARRIS: (off camera) Gee, I wonder where she picked that up.

CHOUINARD: (grins) No fucking clue.

HARRIS: (off camera) What is the funniest thing that's happened to you?

LaPOINTE: I got to watch Bergy and Jordy try to run a foot race down our hotel room hallway last roadie, at like two in the morning, just for Roz and Hollzy to open their door. I deadbolted my door and wouldn't let Bergy back in when he tried to run away from Roz.

BARRETT: That explains… so much.

HARRIS: (off camera) (scoffs) Children. What about you, Luca?

HAAS: I attempted the balkenprobe at Oepfelchammer while on a date over the summer. It did not go well. I ended up with wine up my nose.

HARRIS: (off camera) What does that even mean?

HAAS: Oepfelchammer is an old tavern in Zurich. They have a challenge called balkenprobe… uh… beam challenge, in English I think. You climb in the ceiling and hang upside down and drink a glass of wine.

HARRIS: (off camera) Why would you do that?

BARRETT: Why would you do that on a date?

HAAS: (shrugs) Sometimes your brain tells you something will be cool and you'll impress someone and it isn't and you don't.

HARRIS: (off camera) Aw, Luca.

HAAS: It's fine! I'll perfect the balkenprobe and find someone who is impressed by it.

HARRIS: (off camera) Troy, what about you?

HARRIS: (off camera) I can't use that answer, Barrett!

BARRETT: (yelling over his shoulder) Not my problem, Drover!

HARRIS: (off camera)Wyatt, what is the funniest thing that's happened to you?

HAYES: My rookie year media portrait. My sister offered to do my hair before my ‘big day’. It was bad. Thank god I didn't get much ice time and no one saw it that much.

HARRIS: (off camera)What is the funniest thing that's happened to you?

YOUNG: Mom and Dad grounded us last roadie.

HOLMBERG: And then got mad when we kept talking and kicked us out of their hotel room at like 3AM.

HARRIS: (off camera) This was after your race in the hotel?

YOUNG: Who told you that?

HOLMBERG: I'm going to get Pointy.

[The video ends as Young and Holmberg head off towards the rink looking very determined.]

@gaytheprayaway
[A cropped image of Luca's elbow bumping against Felix's arm.]

@LaHaasArmy
GOOD THING LAPOINTE IS SO EASILY IMPRESSED

@rozanderrendezvous
what was roz doing that broke his nose and hollzy doesn't want him to say?????

@hohohollander
obvs broke it in a face sitting accident

@centaurbonkpatrol
BONK! Straight to horny jail with you!

@barrettsbiceps
WHAT DID TROY SAY

@slammeddownboodstyle
poor bood stuck in the got dayum tundra

@shanesfreckles
✨️SHANYA✨️

@dykefordykstra
Dykstra is the most Canadian man to ever exist

@rolliepoliegoalie
Okay but who is mom and who is dad?

@bigdrozzy
[A screenshot of the ‘I'm not just a regular mom. I'm a cool mom.’ scene from Mean Girls with Ilya's head poorly photoshopped over Amy Poehler's.]

@centsational
I thought we all agreed on Shane Team Mom Hollander

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Hey, Toronto, want to hear something funny?

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
[A video showcasing Troy Barrett scoring twice back to back against Toronto, and Wyatt Hayes blocking every shot that the Guardians took on goal.]

@centsandsensibility
ooooh we love a petty post

@chironextradad
Former Toronto boys FLOURISHING in Ottawa is so damn beautiful

@iceinmuhveins
yes good this was very funny to watch with my die hard guardian fan father ✌️

@emotionalsupportpuckbunny
Anyone else think Troy's cut answer from the video today had to do with Kent getting arrested last season?????

@ohmydeadgod
👀👀👀

“Ilya, I have to know.”

The call of his name catches his attention. Ilya looks up from where he had been tying his shoe to see Harris walking into the locker room, making a beeline right for him. Ilya raises a single brow as he finishes with one shoe before moving on to the next.

“Know what, Harris?”

Harris huffs loudly, “How you broke your nose!”

Ilya smirks to himself, shaking his head. He finishes with his shoes and looks up to see Harris staring at him impatiently.

“Ah. Well, Shane and me were at the cottage. He was sitting in bed reading some boring book, but he's very cute, very sexy, my boyfriend,” Ilya winks. Harris laughs and rolls his eyes.

“He's your husband,” Josh says plainly from his stall.

Ilya waves a dismissive hand in the air, “This was before. Anyway, my boyfriend is very attractive, yes.”

Before he can finish his thought, Shane exits the showers and walks across the room with just a towel wrapped low around his waist. Ilya gestures wildly at his back but stops abruptly.

“No one look!”

Shane scoffs to himself, “We're professional athletes, Ilya. We have all seen each other naked.”

Ilya scowls at Shane, even though he isn't looking, before turning back to Harris, who is still waiting for him to get to the point of the story. “Right. How I broke my nose. My boyfriend looks so nice sitting in bed and I am in love with him, so I decide to join him in the bed,” Ilya explains simply.

Shane, now in just a pair of boxer briefs, turns and glares at Ilya, “You lunged at me!”

Across the dressing room, Bood and Wyatt snicker with each other and Troy rolls his eyes as he's getting dressed.

“You hit me in face with stupid, heavy, hockey book!” Ilya exclaims indignantly.

“Maybe don't jump on people when they're not expecting it!”

“See, Harris! I try to love my sexy boyfriend and he beats me with largest book known to man!” Ilya says loudly, pointing an accusatory finger at Shane.

Chapter End Notes

To answer a FAQ

Troy's answer was being confused thinking people were being weird about Zane and Cassie having their baby when they were really talking about Dallas Kent getting arrested

Extra scene From the Cutting Room Floor

Chapter 9: What’s your “I’m not proud of this” snack?

Chapter Summary

HARRIS: (off camera) What’s your “I’m not proud of this” snack? Is it Salmon?

BARRETT: Are you ever going to let that go?

HARRIS: (off camera) As soon as it stops being funny.

Chapter Notes

There is a discussion about Shane's struggles with food in this one. If Rachel won't deal with it, I will. There's no real indepth descriptions or anything, just acknowledgment of the unhealthy relationship he has with food.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Oh, Pittsburgh, you are in for a TREAT on Wednesday!

[The video opens on a shot of the Ottawa Centaurs's training facility rink. Coach Wiebe is leaning against the boards talking with Ilya Rozanov while other members of the team are collecting equipment after practice. Everyone looks tired, but they are all smiling as they talk amongst themselves.]

HARRIS: (off camera) Jordy. What’s your “I’m not proud of this” snack?

YOUNG: Bed pickles.

HARRIS: (off camera) (surprised laugh) What are bed pickles?

YOUNG: A jar of pickles I keep by my bed for a late night snack. Sometimes I mix in seasonings.

HARRIS: (off camera) You just keep a jar of pickles next to your bed?

YOUNG: (clearly flustered) You asked, Harris! You asked, I answered. Leave me alone!

HARRIS: (off camera) What’s your “I’m not proud of this” snack? Is it Salmon?

BARRETT: Are you ever going to let that go?

HARRIS: (off camera) As soon as it stops being funny.

BARRETT: (rolls eyes) Cookie dough ice cream, but you have to eat the ice cream and leave the cookie dough bits for last.

HARRIS: (off camera) (laughs) Wild and crazy.

BARRETT: (grins) Shut up.

HARRIS: (off camera) Boys, What’s your “I’m not proud of this” snack?

LaPOINTE: (laughs) Proof! Proof that Ottawa's golden boy isn't perfect.

HAAS: Isn't Shane Ottawa's golden boy?

LaPOINTE: He's not a boy he's a (exaggeratedly lower voice) man.

HARRIS: (off camera) (clears throat)

HAAS: (blushes) Sorry, Harris. What was the question?

HARRIS: (off camera) What’s your “I’m not proud of this” snack?

LaPOINTE: Ah, man. I guess… dipping flaming hit cheetos in cream cheese.

HAAS: You do what?!

LaPOINTE: I'm not proud of it! (gestures pointedly at the camera) What about you, Mr. Perfect?

HAAS: Zweifel paprika chips. I will eat an entire bag by myself in one sitting. You can't get them in Canada. It's very upsetting.

HARRIS: (off camera) What’s your “I’m not proud of this” snack?

DYKSTRA: Late night fridge charcute.

BOOD: What does that mean?

DYKSTRA: Sometimes in the middle of the night I'll stand at the fridge and eat like cheese slices and salami and grapes like a charcuterie board but… just out of the fridge. Caitlin hates it.

BOYLE: I hate it.

HARRIS: (off camera) Well, what about you?

BOYLE: Cottage cheese and peaches.

BOOD: Dear God. What is wrong with you?

BOYLE: Don't knock it ‘til you try it!

BOOD: I will not be trying it, thank you.

HARRIS: (off camera) What's yours, then?

BOOD: Popcorn with Sriracha.

DYKSTRA: Okay, how is th–

HARRIS: (off camera) What’s your “I’m not proud of this” snack?

HOLMBERG: Ketchup on poutine.

HARRIS: (off camera) Heathen.

HOLMBERG: It's GOOD!

CHOUINARD: You're going to get kicked out of Canada.

HARRIS: (off camera) What's your answer, Choui?

CHOUINARD: I don't know. My kids got really into Kraft Dinner with hot dogs and I will happily eat whatever they don't.

HOLMBERG: That's not that bad.

CHOUINARD: Yeah, well, you are a child.

HARRIS: (off camera) What’s your “I’m not proud of this” snack?

HAYES: Oooh… I like watermelon with everything bagel seasoning on it. My wife hates it because of garlic and onion breath but its so good.

HARRIS: (off camera) Roz, What’s your “I’m not proud of this” snack?

ILYA: (hums) Cold spaghetti sandwich. You butter piece of bread and put cold leftover spaghetti on it. Fold and eat. Delicious.

[The video ends with Ilya winking at the camera before slipping into the dressing room.]

@lahaasarmy
I see you

@centsandsensibility
@jboylehockey whAT DAWG

@puckingpuckandpuck
some of these aren't that bad and then there's Bergy and Boyle

@gaytheprayaway
I know what you are Felix LaPointe

@shanesfreckles
where… where is my boy?

@shanemomander
he was there while hazy answered why isnt he in the video???

@voyagerboi38
he doesn't eat human food - hope this helps 😊

@hollanovdefensesquad
We're going to eat you alive next week - hope this helps 😊

@swissconnection
How has Haas not shriveled up from all the salt in those chips????

Shane spots Harris lingering at the boards after Wyatt leaves. He knows, by the camera in his hand, that Harris is waiting to ask him whatever silly question that he's come up with today. When it started, Shane was sure that he'd hate it – being in these little social media videos. As they've gone on, he's found that he doesn't mind that much.

Maybe even likes them.

Picking up the puck, Shane skates over to Harris at the boards. “Hi, Harris,” he greets, gliding to a stop.

Harris points his camera at Shane, “What’s your “I’m not proud of this” snack?”

There is suddenly a loud ringing in Shane's ears and his face burns white hot. His vision goes a little wonky as saliva floods his mouth. He has to force his eyes shut and take a slow, shuddering breath in. He tries hard not to think about the no doubt confused look that has to be all over Harris's face at Shane's instantaneous and intense bodily reaction to such a simple question.

“I… um… I don't want to do this question,” Shane finally says in a warbling voice. He peels his eyes open and blinks slowly back at Harris.

Harris slowly lowers his camera, “Oh. Yeah, sure.”

“I'm sorry,” Shane mumbles. He slips his gloves off of his hands and shakily undoes his helmet. He feels stupid. Stupid and weak and so fucking useless. He shakes his head, “I have, what my therapist calls, an unhealthy relationship with food. And I'm working on not seeing food as inherently good or bad.”

“Hey, no. No worries, Shane, really. I can, uh, I can do a different question. It's not a problem,” Harris assures easily.

It just serves to make Shane feel worse.

A pitying look crosses Harris's face momentarily before he smiles warmly and reaches out to lay a hand over Shane's forearm. He squeezes gently and the low simmering dread inside Shane's stomach stops. Shane offers his own barely there, definitely sad, smile.

“You've already asked everyone else. I don't want to make you do more work over my bullshit. I just won't be in this one, “ Shane says in a thick voice.

“Are you sure? It's no problem, really.”

Shane nods and moves to step off the ice, “I am. Thank you, though.”

With one last heavy smile, Shane makes his way back to the dressing room. He puts away his things and enters the room, trying to appear more put together than he feels. He barely makes it to his stall before Ilya, already dressed in his regular clothes, is by his side.

“Everything okay?” he asks in a soft voice, head ducked close.

Shane nods, swallowing around the lump in his throat,”Yeah, I'm good.”

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Oooh, buddy! What a treat this game shaped up to be!

[A video highlighting Ilya’s two goals, and the LaPointe to Haas goal to break the tie in the third period.]

@layoungbergtriplets
LaPointe has been so gassed up these last few games 😍😍

@gaytheprayaway
Gee I wonder why 👀👀

@shanesleftskate
🥰🥰🥰 I'm too busy watching my man watch his man 🥰🥰🥰

“Do you see?”

Shane looks over as Ilya sits beside him on Bood's back deck. Ilya hands him a plate and nods across the way. Shane glances over to where Felix and Luca are standing next to the table of food. They are both holding a beer and standing quite close. Felix leans in to say something that makes Luca laugh.

Really laugh.

Shane grins and shakes his head as he looks down at the plate Ilya made for him. A salad, a tiny bit of jerk chicken, a cookie. His heart hammers against his ribs but he takes the fork in hand and picks up a small piece of chicken. Ilya kisses his cheek.

“Leave them alone,” Shane says with a grin.

Ilya lifts a brow, “They are a them?”

“Maybe.”

Chapter End Notes

This whole fic kind of blew up and it made me afraid to post in case everyone hated it lolol

Chapter 10: Goal Song

Chapter Summary

LaPOINTE: Is he, or is he not, a boss ass bitch?!

HARRIS: (off camera) Get out of my office.

Chapter Notes

It's loving Shane Hollander hours up in this bitch!

ALSO! There is an anachronism in Dykstra's answer. The song wasn't out at the time this takes place but it's too perfect so shhh just pretend.

Also also – the click here is an actual link. Click it.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Hi, Montreal! We figured you should get used to hearing this before our game.

CLICK HERE

[The video begins on a shot of the empty rink in the Ottawa arena. Text appears over the picture. ‘This is a special video. The question was given to players ahead of time to give them time to come up with their answers’. That text fades away before more takes its place. ‘This is Shane Hollander's first game against Montreal since leaving. We want to make it special.'p

HARRIS: (off camera) Okay, Bood, what should we pick for Shane's goal song against Montreal?

BOOD: I thought hard about this. I asked my wife, too. I decided it should be Ain't it Fun by Paramore. Specifically the ending with the choir where they all sing ‘don't go crying to your mama’.

HARRIS: (off camera) (stifled laughter) That's great.

BOOD: (beams, clearly proud) I thought so!

HARRIS: (off camera) What do you think we should play as Shane's goal song against Montreal?

HAYES: I'm so glad you asked! (laughs) We've learned that Hollzy has an affinity for early 2000's to 2010's pop-punk music. And like any good Canadian who likes that music, he has to like Simple Plan. So! I picked the bridge of Me and Against the World.

HARRIS: (off camera) Solid choice, Hazy.

HAYES: Thank you!

HARRIS: (off camera) What song did you come up with as a choice for Shane's goal song against Montreal?

CHOUINARD: I had to consult Selena. We decided on What the Hell by Avril Lavigne.

HARRIS: (off camera) I love that you and Wyatt stuck to Canadian artists.

CHOUINARD: Only the best for Canada's golden boy, yes?

HARRIS: (off camera) Of course!

HARRIS: (off camera) (sighs) I'm almost afraid to ask you what so–

YOUNG: (interrupting) Sorry Not Sorry, Demi Lovato!

HARRIS: (off camera) (groans) Jordan.

YOUNG: It's a good song!

HARRIS: (off camera) We can't play that in an arena with children in it!

YOUNG: (smirks) Then you're really not gonna like LP's answer.

HARRIS: (off camera) Oh, my god.

HARRIS: (off camera) Okay, Luca, what song did you come up with?

HAAS: This was… a challenge.

HARRIS: (off camera) I'm sure it's great. It cannot be any worse than what Jordy came up with.

HAAS: Okay. So, I picked High Hopes by Panic! At The Disco.

HARRIS: (off camera) Oh, that's actually so good.

HARRIS: (off camera) I've already been warned for whatever you're about to say.

LaPOINTE: (deflates a little) Jordy is a tattle-taler.

HARRIS: (off camera) So, go ahead, what did you pick?

LaPOINTE: Boss Bitch by Doja Cat.

HARRIS: (off camera) (groans loudly) Felix.

LaPOINTE: Is he, or is he not, a boss ass bitch?!

HARRIS: (off camera) Get out of my office.

HARRIS: (off camera) Okay, Bergy. What song did you choose?

HOLMBERG: I picked the perfect one.

HARRIS: (off camera) The more you hype it up the less inclined I am to believe you.

HOLMBERG: Shout out to my ex by Little Mix!

HARRIS: (off camera) (snort of amusement) Definitely could have been worse.

HOLMBERG: Have you asked LP yet?

HARRIS: (off camera) Unfortunately.

HARRIS: (off camera) What song do you think we should play as Shane's goal song against Montreal?

BOYLE: Centuries by Fall Out Boy.

HARRIS: (off camera) Oh, that's… really good actually. Good job, Boyle.

BOYLE: (smiles and shrugs) Man's a legend, what can I say?

HARRIS: (off camera) What song did you come up with, D?

DYKSTRA: This might be more appropriate for Roz than Hollander, but Bitin’ List by Tyler Childers.

HARRIS: (off camera) (stifled laugh) That is probably more of a Roz song but still good.

HARRIS: (off camera) Alright, Troy. What did you choose?

BARRETT: I don't care.

HARRIS: (off camera) (stammers) What?

BARRETT: I don't care. (grins) The song by Fall Out Boy? ‘I don't care what you think as long as it's about me’. Heard it?

HARRIS: (off camera) (exhales loudly) You're a jerk.

BARRETT: (grins) Yeah, sometimes.

HARRIS: (off camera) Last but not least, Roz. What song do you think we should play as Shane's goal song?

ILYA: I thought a lot about this. And, I snuck a look at my husband's spotify. (grins) I decided on Gives You Hell by All American Rejects.

HARRIS: (off camera) Oooh, good choice.

ILYA: Yes, because it will.

SHANE: (takes paper) What is this?

HARRIS: (off camera) We asked your teammates to brainstorm songs they want to play as your goal song in the game against Montreal. Those are the songs they picked.

SHANE: This is really nice.

HARRIS: (off camera) So, what song do you want to use? I'd say we can do all of them, but that'd be 11 goals by yourself. Although, if anyone could do it, it'd be you.

SHANE: (chuckles) Thanks, Harris. (looks down at the paper and hums) I think I'll go with–

[The video ends on a black screen. Text appears. ‘We'll find out at the game!’]

@makeitmakecents
I LOVE THIS TEAM

@cennyforyourthots
i feel god in this chilis tonight

@shanesleftnip
do you ever cry??????

@shanesrightnipple
all the time brother

@shanesleftnip
😭BROTHER😭

@anyas3rdfather
im so glad i got tickets to the game now!!!

@mittymachine
All this and hes not gonna score once

@mrsrozander
Shane has scored more goals this season than your whole team wtff

@amazyhazy
bffr you think THE Shane Hollander won't score against that colander you call a goalie?!

@holeander
Not the COLANDER

Shane Hollander gets a pass from Luca Haas at his own blue line. With a swift flick of his wrists, he navigates the puck around J.J. Boiziau as he tries to lunge for him, his skates cutting sharp, rhythmic arcs into the ice. Shane is flying now, crossing center ice, the puck a dark blur attached to his stick blade.

The crowd is on its feet.

His heart is hammering against his throat.

He hits the offensive zone, head up, scanning. A defender comes for him hard, but Shane utilizes a perfectly timed mohawk turn, gliding on one foot and changing his angle, leaving the defender grabbing at nothing but air. Drapeau, red-faced and intense, crouches low in the crease, his glove hand twitching in anticipation.

Shane doesn't look at the net; he looks directly at Drapeau's eyes.

From the top of the circles, he loads his stick and fires. No slap shot, just a quick snap release. The puck zipS top-shelf, glove side, catching the tiny pocket of air under the crossbar.

CLINK.

The bottle of water rockets off its resting spot on top of the net, water spraying like fireworks. The red light flashes instantly, and the arena is filled with music.

When you see my face, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell. When you walk my way, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell. If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well, then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell.

As the song plays, Shane is dogpiled by his teammates. Luca and Felix are the first to crash into him, shouting unintelligible nonsense as they slam him into the boards. Shane manages to look across the ice and spot Ilya standing at the bench. He's beaming widely at him. Shane feels like he could float.

He's scored a lot of goals in his life.

Will score a lot more.

But this one feels special, surrounded by his team, his family, against the team he never truly belonged in. This was something he was definitely going to remember.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
What a game! 7 - 2 Ottawa, with a staggering 4 goals by our hometown boy Shane Hollander!!

@Yuna_Hollander
I am so proud that I get to call you my son ❤️❤️

@shanesfreckles
Mama Yuna got me crying in the club

@24waystomakeyousmile
I can smell the mvp from here~~

@RoseLandry ✅️
My favorite gay boyfriend 🥰😍

@centuarpride
MA'AM????!?!?

“Shut up!” Ilya’s laughing voice carries over the rowdy crew gathered at Monk's. Shane laughs softly, shaking his head mostly to himself. Everyone does settle down, turning to give Ilya their attention.

He stands from his chair, right next to Shane's, and lifts a hand to further silence everyone.

“I would like to make toast. To our win tonight– fuck Montreal!” A chorus of ‘Fuck Montreal’ is quickly echoed back which makes Ilya smile wider. Shane glances quickly to see Hayden and JJ, who joined them after the game, smile and shake their heads. At least they're good sports. Ilya shushes the group once more. “And also to my beautiful husband, Shane Hollander! The best player in the whole NHL!”

Shane's cheeks flood with heat as he stares up at Ilya. Their tables erupt with boisterous cheers of ’Hollander’! but Shane doesn't pay them much mind. He can't, not when Ilya is looking at him like that with those beautiful eyes of his. Ilya slides back down into his chair and Shane leans forward to kiss him.

He ignores the cheers and jeers from their friends, smiling widely against Ilya's lips.

“Я люблю тебя,” Shane mumbles into the kiss.

Ilya sighs happily and pulls away with a broad grin, “Я тоже тебя люблю.”

Chapter End Notes

Thank you all so much, truly, for all the kindness and support. It means the world.

Chapter 11: Do you want to play a game?

Chapter Summary

SHANE: You think you can beat me?

LaPOINTE: (off camera) I know I can.

SHANE: (smirks) You're on.

Chapter Notes

This was just a fun and goofy idea that took a lot more effort than I considered at first lolol

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Carolina, are you ready for our game? We LOVE games!

[The video begins in a back hallway of the Centaurs training rink. A hand is holding two cards in front of the camera. One reads, ‘TAG!’. And the other says, ‘HIDE AND SEEK’. The camera shifts to the side to show Felix LaPointe around the corner wearing a gopro strapped to his chest and a frighteningly excited smile on his face.]

YOUNG: ...What is this?

HARRIS: (off camera) Pick a card.

YOUNG: (slowly plucks the card on the left and reads it) Tag?

YOUNG: Yo, what the hell?!

HARRIS: (off camera) You better run.

YOUNG: What are you doing?!

LaPOINTE: (off camera) (cackling) I'm gonna get you!

LaPOINTE: (off camera) Got… you.

YOUNG: (breathing heavily, doubles over) This is… such bull… shit.

LaPOINTE: (off camera) You're just… a sore loser.

HARRIS: (off camera) Pick a card, any card.

BOOD: (chuckles) This isn't weird or ominous at all. (picks the card on the right and reads it) Hide and seek?

LaPOINTE: Ten… nine…

BOOD: What is this?

HARRIS: (off camera) Hide and seek, obviously.

LaPOINTE: Eight… seven…

LaPOINTE: (off camera) Six… five… four… three… two… one. Ready or not, here I come!

LaPOINTE: (off camera) Really, Bood?

BOOD: I didn't have a lot of time!

LaPOINTE: (off camera) I think you just suck at hide and seek.

BOOD: When I get out of here I'm going to kick your ass.

BARRETT: What is this for?

HARRIS: (off camera) Pick a card!

CHOUINARD: Both of us pick one?

HARRIS: (off camera) No, pick one and it's for both of you.

BARRETT: (narrows his eyes but picks the card on the left and reads it) Tag.

CHOUINARD: Like the game?

BARRETT: I'm not playing tag.

LaPOINTE: (offcamera) You're no fun, Barrett.

HARRIS: Choui is already around the corner.

LaPOINTE: (offcamera) Shit!

LaPOINTE: (off camera) Get back here!

HAYES: Whoa, what's all this?

LaPOINTE: (off camera) (breathing heavily) C'mere, Choui.

CHOUINARD: Come and get me.

HAAS: Felix, what are y–

CHOUINARD: That was a very cheap move.

LaPOINTE: (off camera) You're just too slow, old man.

CHOUINARD: Too slow? (drops Felix on the ground, walks away)

HAAS: (peers over the back of the couch) You okay, Felix?

LaPOINTE: (off camera)(breathless laugh) Never better!

SHANE: You want me to pick one?

HARRIS: (off camera) That's the idea, yes.

SHANE: (rolls eyes, takes the card on the left) Tag. Are we playing tag?

LaPOINTE: (off camera) We are.

SHANE: You think you can beat me?

LaPOINTE: (off camera) I know I can.

SHANE: (smirks) You're on.

LaPOINTE: (off camera) How. Are you. So fast?!

SHANE: (laughs) Fast? I'm just getting started!

ILYA: Shanya? What are you doing?

SHANE: LP thinks he can catch me. I think he needs more speed practice.

ILYA: Mm. And you're hiding behind me, why?

SHANE: So I can do this.

LaPOINTE: (off camera) Okay, Hollzy. Let's call a draw and be done.

SHANE: Eat shit and die, LaPointe!

ILYA: (off camera) You challenged Shane Hollander to a game and thought you could just, what, back out?

HARRIS: (off camera) C'mon, boys, pick a card!

HAYES: For both of us?

HARRIS: (off camera) One card for the two of you.

HAYES: Go ahead, Hassy.

HAAS: (grabs the card on the left, looks at it) Tag?

HAYES: Is this why Pointy tackled Choui in the lounge?

>

HAYES: Aw, man.

LaPOINTE: (off camera) (panting) Gotcha.

HAAS: Shit, it's cold.

LaPOINTE: (off camera) You're the one who ran outside!

HAAS: You're the one who tackled me into the snow! (smiles, breathing heavily) You're still on me, by the way.

LaPOINTE: (off camera) Oh, shit. Sorry!

HARRIS: (off camera) Pick a card – one card for the two of you.

ILYA: (grabs the card on the right) Hide and seek? Like, Прятки, da?

HARRIS: (off camera) I don't speak Russian, Roz. But you hide and LaPointe is gonna find you.

ILYA: Take the child!

HOLMBERG: Hey!

LaPOINTE: (off camera) ...Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Ready or not, here I come!

LaPOINTE: (off camera)Really? …Bergy, I see you.

LaPOINTE: (off camera) Really? You're not even crouched or anything.

HOLMBERG: I panicked!

LaPOINTE: (off camera) Sure, sure. Do you know where Cap went?

HOLMBERG: I would never snitch on Cap like that! (points out the door, to the right) How dare you!

LaPOINTE: (off camera) You aren't very good at this game.

ILYA: I get paid a lot of money to play a game for a living, I do not need to be good at child's game.

DYKSTRA: So, we pick one and do whatever it says?

HARRIS: (off camera) Pretty much, yeah.

BOYLE: Okay. (picks the card on the right) Hide and seek?

BOYLE: You're gonna seek us, Harris?

LaPOINTE: No, I am

LaPOINTE: (off camera) Three. Two. One. Ready or not, here I come!

HAAS: Who are you looking for now?

LaPOINTE: (off camera) D and Boyle. They are ghosts apparently.

HAAS: (grins, gets closer and whispers) Maybe look outside. (winks)

LaPOINTE: (off camera) Y-yeah. Thanks, Luca.

[The video ends with Felix LaPointe pointing at the two men, yelling ‘Cheaters!’ and turning back to head inside.]

@gaytheprayaway
Not to sound boring and reductive at this point but… I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE FELIX LAPOINTE

@lahaasarmy
ikr!??

@riskitforthebiscuit
Note to self: Never play tag with Shane Hollander

@centarfuge
mans really told a child to eat shit and die rather than quit a game

@holeander
that's my man 🥰

@crazyforhazy
I demand a redo my boy wasn't ready!!!!

@ourboytroy
troy didn't want to play so he could hang out with harris duh

@slammeddownboodstyle
bood just wanted a cozy place for a nap its okay king ✌️

@roliepoloegoalie
Ilya ‘sacrifice the child’ Rozanov

@chouichouibaby
What a bunch of dorks 😍

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Maybe tag is more your speed, huh? See ya for our next play date, Carolina, we'll bring the orange slices!

[A video highlighting goals scored by Hollander, Rozanov, and Barrett interspersed with clips of each member of the team looking like they're having so much fun together. Dykstra pulling Wyatt around the ice by his stick during warm-ups, Hollander and LaPointe leaned close and smiling on the bench… they're all having fun while shutting out Carolina 3 - 0.]

@anyasbigsister
Just rubbing it in atp 💀

@wildlyunpopular
Evan Dykstra!! Put that crab back in its natural habitat!

@Centaurtrashhh
I love my boys 😍🥰

Shane steps out of the elevator and takes a left down the hall. He left Ilya down at the hotel bar with some of the guys. His head hurts a little bit and he just wanted to lie down to decompress. He knows that Ilya will follow soon, no doubt with some food for the two of them, but the moment alone is nice.

Well, almost alone.

Standing beside Shane and Ilya's hotel door is Felix LaPointe.

“You have my phone number, Felix, you could just text me instead of standing in the hall,” Shane laughs as he approaches.

Felix jolts, obviously not having heard Shane walking up. His face flushes a pale pink. “I just got here. I wasn't even sure if I was actually going to talk to you or not,” he says in a rush of breath.

Shane nods as he opens the door, holding it open for Felix to follow him inside. “Take a seat,” Shane says, walking toward the low bench where his suitcase is. He peels off his jacket and lays it on top before toeing off his shoes and tucking them beneath the bench.

When he looks over, Felix is seated a bit stiffly at the table.

“Really?” Shane laughs.

“Your husband is scary and told me not to sit on his bed!” Felix squawks.

Shaking his head, Shane moves to sit on the bed and scoots back to lean against the headboard. He folds his hands in his lap and blinks over at Felix expectantly.

“I… I haven't really talked to Luca.”

Shane groans, tipping his head backwards to thunk on the headboard, “Felix!”

“I'm trying okay! But every time I go to bring it up, I get this knot in my stomach like something bad is going to happen and I get all sweaty at, like, the back of my neck and he's just… so pretty I can't concentrate!”

Looking back at Felix, Shane can't help but smile softly. He feels almost like he's watching a bizarre version of him and Ilya a decade ago. He just hopes they don't take that long to actually get their shit together.

“I get it. But, you know, there is a way to sort of… force your hand,” Shane says, a smirk tugging at his lips.

As if on cue, the lock on the door whirs to life and Ilya steps inside the room. He glances between Felix and Shane before smiling and shaking his head. “Thank you for not being in bed with my husband, LaPointe,” he laughs, walking over to Shane. He plants a kiss to the top of Shane's head and sets the to-go box he'd been holding onto the nightstand without a word.

When Shane looks back at Felix he's gesturing to Ilya with a ’see, I told you’ expression on his face.

“You got back just in time, Ilyusha. Felix has a problem that I think you are perfect to help solve.”

Chapter End Notes

Thank you.
Love yall.
Uhhh.

Cue the in universe tiktok edits of Shane to "I'm fast as fuck boy!"

Extended scene From the Cutting Room Floor

Chapter 12: Who was the last person to text you?

Chapter Summary

SHANE: Spend a lot of time sexting my husband, Barrett?

Chapter Notes

I've deleted a few comments here and there the last few days but just a reminder – this is all for funnsies. I know I write fast and post often (when I can) but I'm like a grown up with a job and stuff so... let's just chill and have fun.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Philadelphia, we've got a message especially for you!

[The video begins on a very familiar deck to most Centaurs fans. Zane Boodram's deck is full of members of the Ottawa Centaurs all mingling together, obviously having a good time.]

HARRIS: (off camera) Two questions for you gentlemen.

HOLMBERG: I don't know if I've ever been called a gentleman.

YOUNG: I feel very fancy all of a sudden.

HARRIS: (off camera) Who was the last person to text you, and what did they say?

HOLMBERG: My little brother texted me like an hour ago. (laughs) He asked if I could talk to our parents about letting him get a motorcycle.

HARRIS: (off camera) Are you going to?

HOLMBERG: (points at the camera) No!

YOUNG: My last text is from my buddy from school. He sent me a stupid screenshot of me from the last game.

HARRIS: (off camera) Aw, but you look so cute, Jordy. (reaches out to playfully pinch Jordan's cheek)

YOUNG: (Lightly slaps Harris's hand) You are spoken for! Unhand me!

DYKSTRA: (fondly) You're an idiot.

YOUNG: Because I don't want Barrett to kick my ass?! Okay!

HOLMBERG: Could be worse, remember what LP said about Cap?

HARRIS: (off camera) Moving on! D? What's your last text?

DYKSTRA: My last one is from our babysitter asking about Susie's favorite stuffy.

CAITLIN: Baby, can you go get my jacket from the car? I'm a little chilly.

DYKSTRA: Oh, yeah, sure.

HAYES: (grins) Is nowhere sacred, Harris?

HARRIS: (off camera) Nope. So, if you all would be so kind as to tell me who your last text is from and what it says that'd be great.

HAYES: Oh. Lisa literally just texted me asking if I can get her sweater from the car. (stands up) If you'll excuse me.

CHOUINARD: Selena texted me the same thing.

BOYLE: ...Nicole too.

CHOUINARD: This is a prank, yes?

BOYLE: Or a test. And Hazy has already gotten up to do it.

CHOUINARD: So, it will look extra bad if we do not.

BOYLE: Exactly.

HARRIS: (off camera) Who was the last person to text you and what did they say?

BARRETT: Your mom texted me this morning.

HARRIS: (off camera) Oh? What did she say?

BARRETT: (shrugs) She wanted to know when my mom was back in town from getting all of her stuff in Vancouver.

HARRIS: (off camera) Oh, yeah. She was wanting to do something when she got back. LP? What about you?

LaPOINTE: Uh… a friend. Confirming that we're good to hang out after the next game.

HARRIS: (off camera) Uh… huh. Shane?

SHANE: My last text is from Ilya and… (clicks something on his screen and then immediately slams the phone flat against his chest) And I will not be reading that out loud.

LaPOINTE: Ooooh. Is Cap putting the moves on Hollzy?

BARRETT: (laughs) Knowing Roz it's either disgustingly sappy and romantic or the most vile sext you've ever seen in your life.

SHANE: Spend a lot of time sexting my husband, Barrett?

HARRIS: (off camera) I think you broke him.

SHANE: (laughs and puts phone away) Oops?

BOOD: Harris! Have you eaten anything yet?

HARRIS: (off camera) Yeah, I got a plate when Troy and I got here. I'll make my way back for seconds in a bit.

BOOD: Good, good! You know there's plenty.

HARRIS: (off camera) I do. But now, I've got some questions for you guys. Who texted you last and what did they say?

BOOD: Huh… Cass text me a little bit ago asking if I could get get a sweater from upstairs.

ILYA: Well, run along and be a good husband.

ILYA: My last text is from my husband, Shane Hollander.

HAAS: (snorts) As opposed to your other husband.

HARRIS: (off camera) Well, what did your husband, Shane Hollander, say?

ILYA: (smirks as he rereads the message) I cannot say in front of children. (motions over to Luca)

HARRIS: (off camera) You're both ridiculous. What about you, Luca?

HAAS: A friend. It's just a thumbs up emoji, it's not very exciting.

[The video ends with a slow, sweeping shot of the deck where people are sitting and standing together as the sun begins to go down.]

@iceprincesstreatment
I love whatever game the WAGs are playing

@layoungbergtriplets
But what did LaPointe say about Roz???? Cause it sounds like he said something about him and Shane

@gaytheprayaway
I know what you are, Felix LaPointe

@layoungbergtriplets
You're being weird

@ourboytroy
Troy ‘Your Mom’ Barrett

@shanesleftnip
i'd sell a kidney to read hollanov's sexts ngl

@shanesrightnipple
you and me both brother

@centaurmemes
[The same photo that Jordan Young had on his phone with the text ‘When Troy Barrett finds out his boyfriend called you cute’ overlaid.]

@lahassarmy
ive connected the dots

@centsandsensibility
You haven't connected shit

@lahaasarmy
that's a shark and im jumping

@lahaasarmy
ive jumped

“You know I never–”

Shane laughs, waving a hand, “I was kidding, Troy, chill out.”

Troy visibly relaxes in his seat. Felix chuckles to himself and puts his phone away into his pocket. He reaches out to the low coffee table in front of them and picks up his bottle of beer.

“I told you, Hollzy, Cap is scary when it comes to you. He threatened me one time and I value my life,” he says, taking a long swig.

“He didn't threaten you. He was kidding. You all take him way too seriously.”

Felix shrugs, “I don't know. When a giant Russian man smiles at me like that and says not to be in bed with his husband it doesn't sound like a joke.”

A sudden quiet falls over their side of the porch, several members of the team turn to look over at them with a mixture of concern and curiosity on their faces. Troy nearly shoots cider out of his nose. Shane's face heats up.

“Jesus Christ, Felix,” Shane admonishes, running a hand over his warm face. “This is why no one said you when asked who keeps secrets best.”

Felix has the audacity to look confused.

“LaPointe!” Ilya calls loudly as he walks over. He has another plate in his hand and silently hands it over to Shane. “Move so that I can sit next to my husband.”

Felix scrambles to his feet and moves away without a word. Troy snickers to himself. Ilya easily takes the vacated spot and settles comfortably next to Shane, close enough that their thighs are touching. Shane can feel the heat radiating from his body through both of their clothes.

Although, he could just be remembering the last text on his phone.

“Haas went inside to help Cassie get out desserts. Why don't you go too? Make yourself useful. Away from my husband.”

Felix nods and scurries away.

“Your husband, Shane Hollander?” Harris asks with a laugh as he walks over, sitting beside Troy.

Ilya grins, tossing an arm across Shane's shoulders, “So, you've heard of him?”

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Did you get our text, Philly?

[A picture of the scoreboard after the final buzzer showing the Centaurs winning 5 - 2 with the message ‘Centaurs Win!’.]

Chapter End Notes

Love you all tho 😘 ✌️

Chapter 13: Strength Test

Chapter Summary

LaPOINTE: You're not as nice at this as Harris is.

BARRETT: (off camera) Harris isn't here and doesn't have to babysit drunk toddlers.

Chapter Notes

This is a gift for my LaHaas army 🙌

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
We are feeling good, feeling strong 💪, in Washington!

[The video begins a little shakily in a bar. There are television screens on the wall, neon lights, and a slew of bar games in the back corner.

BARRETT: (off camera) Who do you think can get the highest score?

BOYLE: Out of everyone here?

DYKSTRA: Maybe Roz? Or Choui has been bulking up recently.

BOYLE: I don't know, D, you might be able to take it. You too, Barrett.

BARRETT: (off camera) Go for it.

BARRETT: (off camera) That's pretty good.

DYKSTRA: Respectable.

BOYLE: Jesus, D. I'm glad I don’t ever have to worry about you in a scrum.

BARRETT: (off camera) Are we sure you're all old enough to even be in here?

HOLMBERG: We are old enough to drink in the States, thank you very much!

YOUNG: I turned 21 in the off season!

BARRETT: (off camera) You're all babies. (chuckles) Who do you think can get the highest score on this machine?

LaPOINTE: What's the score to beat?

BARRETT: (off camera) Dykstra at 863.

HOLMBERG: (flexes) I can beat that.

HAAS: Yeah, okay. (sips drink) I think Roz or Shane has it, honestly.

YOUNG: Probably. Maybe Bood, he's got dad strength now.

LaPOINTE: If dad strength is what we're going off of then shouldn't Choui get it since he has the most kids?

HOLMBERG: But that brings us back to Cap and Hollzy because they have all of us.

HAAS: (rolls eyes) They are not our dads.

YOUNG: Right. Be weird to have a poster of your dad over your bed. Right, Hassy? (winks)

BARRETT: (off camera) Someone punch the damn machine.

LaPOINTE: You're not as nice at this as Harris is.

BARRETT: (off camera) Harris isn't here and doesn't have to babysit drunk toddlers.

BARRETT: (off camera) You just barely beat Boyle.

YOUNG: (raises both fists in celebration) Not last!

HOLMBERG: Not bad, not bad.

LaPOINTE: My turn!

YOUNG: (low whistle) That was cool.

HOLMBERG: LP is strong like bull!

YOUNG: Alright, Haas!

LaPOINTE: (gives Luca his drink back) What's the high score on these things?

BARRETT: (off camera) Apparently, there is no high score. The average range is supposed to be six to seven hundred, with professional athletes averaging between 800 and 900.

HOLMBERG: We're average!

BARRETT: (off camera) A few guy have said they think Bood and Choui can get the highest score.

HAYES: No one said me?

BARRETT: (off camera) Sorry, Wyatt.

HAYES: Ehhh… I'm not known as much of a fighter. I'd pick Roz or Choui over me any day.

BOOD: Barrett's got soke crazy guns too. (winks at the camera) What's the best so far?

BARRETT: (off camera) Dykstra is holding strong at 863.

CHOUINARD: Je m'en occupe.

BARRETT: (off camera) Jesus Christ.

HAYES: That was crazy.

BOOD: I feel like we should just stop there.

HAYES: No, no, no. I wanna try!

BOOD: Ay! Good job, Hazy!

BARRETT: (off camera) That puts you in third.

CHOUINARD: That was really good.

HAYES: Thanks!

BOOD: My turn, I guess.

CHOUINARD: You couldn't let Hayes enjoy being top 3 for a minute?

BOOD: (laughs) Sorry!

HAYES: It was nice while it lasted. Hey, Barrett, you go!

HAYES: (off camera) Go BARRETT!!

BOOD: That's seriously impressive.

SHANE: This is ridiculous.

ILYA: You are just saying that because you will lose.

SHANE: I'm not going to lose.

LaPOINTE: I think Hollzy takes this.

ILYA: You are not allowed to talk about my husband, LaPointe.

BOOD: Barrett has the score to beat.

BARRETT: (off camera) As a reminder, professional athletes average a score between 800 and 900 but the machine does go over 1000.

HAAS: Holy shit.

BOYLE: That is actually crazy.

DYKSTRA: Remind me never to piss Roz off. Jesus.

[The video ends as the scorecard graphic appears once again. It lists everyone from Shane all the way to Josh with all of their scores recorded. Shane's name is circled and a gold star appears next to it.

@holeander
Shane could punch me and I would apologize dear god

@crazyforhazy
For the first time in my illustrious career as a Wyatt Hayes enjoyer, I am speechless

@centaurfuge
i am feeling things i have never felt before

@hohohollander
My name is Shane Hollander and I have been named the NHLs hottest player multiple times and I've won the Stanley Cup 3 times and my husband is a Russian sex god and I am strong like a fucking ox GIRL FUCK YOU

@centaurtrashh
This is where we all say thank you troy and harris

@emotionalsupportpuckbunny
thank you troy and harris

@layoungbergtriplets
Thank you Troy and Harris 🙏

@haashasmyheart
✨️Thank you Troy and Harris✨️

@Rozanov81✅️
Thank You Troy and Harris 🙌

@rozanderrr
GIRL WHAT

There is a brief moment of silence as Shane's score settles on the machine. Felix's eyes flick from the absolutely insane score to Ilya, who is staring wide-eyed and slackjawed at his husband. He blinks, raises his drink to his lips, and drains the liquid inside. In one smooth motion, Ilya sets his empty glass down and stalks over to Shane who is grinning and pink-cheeked at his victory.

Without a word, Ilya ducks down and presses his shoulder into Shane's midsection to haul him up into a fireman's carry.

“Ilya!” Shane squawks in laughter.

“Goodnight, boys! Bood, make sure everyone is back before curfew!” Ilya calls, already heading toward the exit with Shane grinning and no longer struggling over his shoulder.

Laughter and cat calls follow the pair.

Felix feels his cheeks heat up at the brazen display. He's not a prude by any means but, his hotel room shares a wall with them and he just hopes they tucker themselves out before he gets back. He is, thankfully, pulled from his thoughts by Luca sliding into the chair opposite him.

He looks… so good.

“Can I ask you something?” The words leave Felix's mouth before he even has a chance to process the thought that formed them.

Luca smiles warmly, “Yeah.”

Nervously, Felix glances around the bar. Mostly everyone else has scattered after Ilya and Shane's abrupt exit. Some are at other tables, or playing other games. It's just him and Luca in this little corner by the Boxer machine that still flashes Shane's high score on the little rectangular screen. He swallows thickly and forces himself to look back at Luca.

His cheeks are pink and his curls are everywhere from pushing his fingers through them. His glasses have slid just a bit down his nose, giving Felix an unobstructed view of his eyes.

He is absolutely fucked.

He has so many questions he wants to ask. Why did Luca ignore him all summer? Did he fuck any of those guys from Instagram? Did he miss Felix at all during the off season? Why did it take weeks for them to even talk again? Why are things so weird?

Felix clears his throat.

“Can I walk you back to your room?”

Luca obviously does not expect that question based on how his eyes widen and the way his spine straightens. But the smile doesn't leave his face as he nods.

“Yeah, I'd like that.”

The two of them leave the table together. They close out their tabs at the bar and walk outside. The bar isn't too far from the hotel that the team is staying at, so they walk in a comfortable silence down the street. Once at the hotel, they ride the elevator together to the floor that everyone is staying on and Felix follows Luca down the opposite way from his own room.

Luca doesn't say anything when they get there, he simply opens the door and steps inside, holding it open for Felix who quickly follows.

There are two queen size beds in the room but one is covered in luggage.

“Are you rooming alone?” Felix asks cautiously. He was staying with Holmberg again for this trip, unfortunately.

Luca nods as he kicks off his shoes, “I was with our rookie goalie, Lupin, but he and Jordy apparently begged to room together because they both play some game… I don't know. But it means I'm by myself this time so I'm not really complaining.”

Felix mostly tuned all of that out. The only thing he could concentrate on was that he was alone in a hotel room with Luca. The back of his neck was suddenly very sweaty.

They both turned to look at one another, not saying anything. The room in the room could be nearly 40⁰ with the way Felix was flushed all over. He blinks and Luca is all of a sudden much closer than he had been. The air between them is thick and heavy. Felix is dizzy. He reaches out tentatively, and lays a hand on Luca's jaw. He watches the way that Luca's smile spreads wider at the contact.

Then, they are kissing.

Felix has no idea who initiated but they are kissing and it feels like his blood is electrified. Luca makes the softest little groan against his lips and Felix's brain almost shuts down.

Almost.

“Wait,” he pants, pulling back from the kiss. Luca's glasses have slipped further down his nose and his face is even pinker while his lips are plush and wet with saliva. He blinks, obviously confused as to why Felix stopped. Felix sighs.

“I think we need to talk. First.”

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
What can we say? They don't call it a Power Play for nothing!

[A video showing Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov on beautiful power play together, while the song GUY.exe plays in the background. They move in perfect synchronization, as if reading the other's mind. The video ends as Ilya passes behind his back to Shane who scores on a wrister to put the Centaurs up 4 - 3.]

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading and commenting and for the kudos and all the fun stuff. You're all amazing.

Chapter 14: When was the last time you cried?

Chapter Summary

HARRIS: (off camera) Troy?

BARRETT: I feel like this is an overstep of boyfriend confidentiality.

HARRIS: (off camera) Whatever could you mean, dear?

Chapter Notes

Am I finishing writing this and posting it as I eat stale donuts in the teacher's lounge? Maybe. Shut up.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Hopefully Florida won't be too salty about our game this weekend!

[The video begins as the door to the player's lounge is pushed open. Several members of the Ottawa Centaurs are strewn around the room in chairs or couches or sitting at tables. They are eating after a film review session before they get ready to hit the ice.]

HARRIS: (off camera) When was the last time you cried and why?

DYKSTRA: This morning. Susie has started running everywhere and she fully headbutted me right in the balls while I was putting my shoes on.

BOYLE: Yeah, that's cry worthy.

DYKSTRA: What about you?

BOYLE: Like a week or two ago? PJ has officially moved from calling me Dada to Daddy and I wasn't ready.

CHOUINARD: (off camera) That'll get you every time!

HARRIS: (off camera) Troy?

BARRETT: I feel like this is an overstep of boyfriend confidentiality.

HARRIS: (off camera) Whatever could you mean, dear?

BARRETT: (glares) Two nights ago. We watched a movie.

BOYLE: What movie?

BARRETT: (groans and mumbles unintelligibly)

DYKSTRA: What?

BARRETT: Broke. Back. Mountain. I had never seen it and Harris said I was a terrible gay man.

HAYES: (off camera) Dude, if you didn't cry during that movie there would be something so wrong with you!

HARRIS: (off camera) When was the last time you cried and why?

CHOUINARD: My last PT appointment. (laughs) Lauri did some sort of evil magic on my hip.

BOOD: I'm pretty sure she's a witch to be fair.

CHOUINARD: (takes a drink from his water bottle) What's your answer?

BOOD: My sister, who still lives in Trinidad, sent me a video the other week of my nephews playing street hockey with their friends wearing Boodram shirts. I cried.

HARRIS: (off camera) That's really sweet, Bood.

HARRIS: (off camera) When was the last time you cried and why?

HAAS: I was very homesick a couple of days ago and I got a special treat from home from someone. It was very nice and then suddenly I was crying.

HAYES: That's a much better answer than mine.

HOLMBERG: Uh oh.

HAYES: Last weekend, I was home and my wife wasn't working. We got wine drunk and watched Infinity War and Endgame.

HARRIS: (off camera) Oh, Wyatt… no.

HAYES: They are deeply emotional and impactful within the MCU!

HARRIS: (off camera) Bergy, please. What is your answer?

HOLMBERG: I cried when I took that puck to the palm off that snapshot from Kunde in Washington. (raises hand to show a deep purple bruise in the middle of his palm)

HAAS: That looked so bad.

HOLMBERG: It definitely didn't feel good, that's for sure.

HAYES: That's why I wear all those pads.

HOLMBERG: I didn't do it on purpose! My hand was just there and suddenly it felt like it disintegrated!

HARRIS: (off camera) I'm glad you're okay, Bergy.

HOLMBERG: Thank you, Harris!

HARRIS: (off camera) When was the last time you cried and why?

SHANE: (absently) Last night. Голубой щенок.

YOUNG: Bless you?

’

SHANE: What? Oh. Uh… it's a Russian cartoon that Ilya showed me. It was sad. (shrugs)

YOUNG: That seems about right.

LaPOINTE: I had a very nice talk with my parents over the weekend and got teary-eyed, if that counts.

HARRIS: (off camera) Aw, Felix.

YOUNG: Little Pointy (coos and pinches Felix's cheek)

YOUNG: (pretending to cry) My answer is right now because my best friend is being hateful!

HARRIS: (off camera) Ilya, when was the last time you cried and why?

ILYA: (mouth full) Russians do not cry.

SHANE: So, it wasn't this morning when you accidentally stepped on Anya's foot when you were putting her harness on for her walk?

ILYA: She is my daughter and I hurt her! She cried because I hurt her tiny little foot!

SHANE: So, you admit you cried?

ILYA: You cried over a cartoon!

SHANE: I cried thinking about a little Ilya watching Голубой щенок with unkind people around!

ILYA: Милый. You are too sweet.

[The video ends as Ilya pulls away from Shane and the two of them smile softly at one another.]

@og666
Disgusting

@itscalledapuckhello
Your face and piss poor attitude? Agreed

@unofficialroztranslator
Shane appears to be talking about a cartoon from the 1970s called “The Blue Puppy”. It is about a blue puppy who is ostracized for being “blue” and is eventually rescued by a kind sailor. It's noted that Голубой while literally means “blue” it is a slang term meaning “gay”. Thus, any mistreatment the “blue” puppy receives is viewed as homophobic bullying.

@unofficialroztranslator
Ilya refers to Shane as “Милый” which is a term of endearment meaning “sweetheart” or “darling”.

@hollanovdefensesquad
Yo???????? What the fuck 🥺🥺🥺

@gaytheprayaway
Hm. I wonder what nice talk was had 🤔

@wildlyunpopular
Boyle right in the dad feels it's so hard when kids suddenly stop using kid words

@WashingtonHockey
Sorry about your hand, Holmberg. Our bad 😬

@centaurpride
Love Harris making his previously super secret closeted boyfriend watch Brokeback Mountain like a gay rite of passage

@hdrover
You get it!!

@chironforpm
Roz just shoveling Hollander's mostly eaten sandwich into his mouth is wild work

Exhausted doesn't even begin to describe the bone deep tiredness Shane suddenly feels as he tries to tie his shoes with clumsy, uncoordinated fingers. All he wants to do is go home and lay on the couch with Ilya and Anya. Once they are all secure, Shane gets to his feet and slings his bag over his head so the strap settles across his chest. Ilya had left after getting dressed to talk to Coach Wiebe, so Shane plans to just head to the car to wait for him.

As he turns, something bright orange sticking out of Luca's bag catches his eye. When Luca sees Shane looking, he pulls a chip bag from his duffle.

“Do you want one? They're my favorite from back home.”

Shane smiles, well he hopes he smiles, and slowly shakes his head. He doesn't have the mental bandwidth to even think about eating chips, let alone a kind he's never even heard of before.

“No, thank you,” he says softly.

Luca shrugs, tucking the bag away again, “No problem. Let me know if you change your mind – I've got a lot at home.”

With a nod, Shane says goodbye and heads toward the door. He shuffles with tired legs and heavy feet through the halls out into the player's parking lot. It's cold out and snow has been accumulating over the last few weeks meaning Ilya has retired his fun cars for the winter and, reluctantly, drove his Boring SUV to practice. Shane smiles to himself as he approaches. He opens the back to deposit his bag before climbing into the front seat.

He doesn't have to wait long for Ilya to join him.

Once he is in the driver's seat, Ilya reaches out to grab Shane's chin before leaning across the console to kiss him.

“What's that for?” Shane asks with a grin.

Ilya rolls his eyes, turning to start the car, “My husband is sweet and sentimental and I love him very much.”

“I'd like to meet this husband of yours. He sounds like a catch.”

“Mm. Yes. He cries over Soviet cartoons about dogs because he thinks about his little sad husband watching them with terrible father and brother,” Ilya explains, pulling out of the parking spot.

Shane sighs softly. It had really made him quite sad to think about when Ilya explained the theory of the “blue” puppy to him. He couldn't help but think of a little Ilya who maybe knew he wasn't fully straight watching something like that with his awful brother and father around.

“Sounds like he loves you a lot,” Shane says, reaching out to lay a hand on Ilya’s thigh.

Ilya grins, dropping his hand to thread his fingers with Shane's, “Yes. I am very lucky. Lucky to love him so much more.”

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Don't cry for me, Florida.🎵

[A video featuring highlights from the game against Florida. Felix LaPointe scoring a goal during his first shift on the ice with an assist from Shane Hollander. Troy Barrett scoring off of a beautiful assist from Ilya. Wyatt Hayes blocking shot after shot. And, finally, Felix LaPointe scoring in OT to win the game.]

@shanesfreckles
I love this team. I love being alive.

@whattheshift
That second line with Hollander, LaPointe, and Haas is fucking dirty I LOVE IT

Chapter End Notes

The cartoon Shane's talking about is real. It's said that it's not meant to be a gay message but... fuck, man. The puppy is gay and sad™ it's on youtube if you want to watch it.

Chapter 15: What languages do you speak?

Chapter Summary

HARRIS: (off camera) What are you doing?

YOUNG: Is that your question?

HARRIS: (off camera) No…

HOLMBERG: Then don't worry about it.

Chapter Notes

Y'all ready for some fun lore drops? 👀

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Hola! Hallo! Bonjour! привет! Welcome to Ottawa, Dallas!

The video begins in a back hallway of the Centaurs training rink. Coming down the corridor is Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov. They are both in athletic shorts and compression shirts.

HARRIS: (off camera) What languages do you speak?

SHANE: J'ai fréquenté une école d'immersion française.

ILYA: (grins and nudges Shane with his elbow) И?

[Captions appear at the bottom of the screen. SH: (French) “I attended a French Immersion school.” – IR: (Russian) “And?”.]

SHANE: (rolls eyes) И я учусь говорить по-русски ради своего мужа.

[SH: (Russian) “And I am learning to speak Russian for my husband.”]

ILYA: Посмотри на него! Мой муж такой умный и талантливый.

[IR: (Russian) “Look at him! My husband is so smart and talented.]

SHANE: I am regretting learning Russian. It's just given him more ways to annoy me.

ILYA: I annoy him with my love and devotion.

SHANE: (smiles fondly) I also speak a… passable amount of Japanese, mostly just enough to get my point across with my grandparents.

ILYA: Он такой милый, умный, очаровательный и...

SHANE: Прекрати.

[IR: (Russian) “He is so cute and smart and charming and…” SH: (Russian) “Stop it.”]

HARRIS: (off camera) Hello boys! What languages do you speak?

HAAS: Die Schweiz hat vier Landessprachen. Ich spreche zwei. Allemand et français.

[LH: (German) “Switzerland has four national languages. I speak two.” (French) “German and French.”

LaPOINTE: Je parle français aussi. Mon père est canadien français. Hablo casi exclusivamente en español con mi mamá. Ella es mexicana y se cansa mucho del inglés.

[FL: (French) “I speak French too. My dad is French-Canadian.” (Spanish) “I speak almost exclusively in Spanish with my mom. She's Mexican and gets very tired of English.”]

HAAS: Whoa.

HARRIS: (off camera) Since when do you speak Spanish?

LaPOINTE: Since forever? My name is literally Félix Arturo.

HARRIS: (off camera) What languages do you speak?

BOOD: Je parle un petit peu français. (grins) I also speak Trinidadian Creole which is a dialect made up of a bunch of different language.

[ZB: (French) “I speak a little bit of French.”]

HARRIS: (off camera) Very cool!

BARRETT: I can say hello and I love you in French and that is about it.

HARRIS: (off camera) Welllll?

BARRETT: (rolls eyes) Je t'aime.

HARRIS: (off camera) Je t'aime aussi.

DYKSTRA: Allez les Centaurs!

[ED: (French) “Let's go, Centaurs!”]

BOOD: (laughs, shakes head) Dotishness

HARRIS: (off camera) Josh, what languages do you speak?

BOYLE: (signing as he speaks) I learned ASL as a kid because I'm a CODA and my older brother is also hard of hearing.

HARRIS: (off camera) CODA?

BOYLE: (continues signing) Child of deaf adult. My dad is deaf so I learned to sign really young.

HARRIS: (off camera) That is so cool. I had no idea. I might have to pick your brain about some stuff later.

BOYLE: (signing) Sounds good. See ya!

HARRIS: (off camera) What are you doing?

YOUNG: Is that your question?

HARRIS: (off camera) No…

HOLMBERG: Then don't worry about it.

HARRIS: (off camera) Okay… What languages do you speak?

YOUNG: Je ne parle pas français.

[JY: (French) “I do not speak French.”]

HOLMBERG: Did you just learn that so you can tell people if they speak to you in French?

YOUNG: Oui!

[JY: (French) “Yes!”]

HOLMBERG: Tu es tellement stupide, parfois.

[PH: (French) “You are so stupid sometimes.”]

YOUNG: Merci?

[JY: (French) “Thanks?”]

HARRIS: (off camera) What languages do you speak?

CHOUINARD: My last name is Chouinard. I am literally Quebecois. I speak French.

HAYES: (deadpan) Oh, my god. I had no idea.

CHOUINARD: Tais-toi.

[NC: (French) “Shut up.”]

HAYES: I know enough to be able to order a beer in Montreal and that's about it (shrugs).

[The video ends on a shot of Nick shaking his head in disappointment at Wyatt.]

@gettolapointe
FÉLIX ARTURO LAPOINTE EL HOMBRE QUE ERES

@layoungbergtriplets
Aww Jordy 😔

@gaytheprayaway
Sé lo que eres.

@rararozanov
Hollander's Russian pronunciation 😬

@ottawasted
It's his third language give him a break!!

@roliepoliegoalie
I expected Hazy to say some goofy shit like Klingon or that avatar nonsense

@boyleberry
okay but sick new boyle lore drop wth

@lucahaasmyheart
Luca is so cuuuute 🥰

@dykesfordykstra
good try king ✌️

@riskitforthebuiscuit
It must be nice for Roz to be able to speak to someone in his first language again

Shane steps out of the showers, tying a towel around his hips, and walks back out to his stall. Ilya walks by, on his way into the showers, and gives Shane an over-the-top flirty wink. Shane shakes his head to himself as he gets to his stall to pull out clean clothes. He notices Felix sitting in front of his own stall a few down the line, phone in his hand, with Luca sitting beside him.

“Who are you texting?” Luca asks.

“My mom. She's asking about family day.”

Silently, Shane begins to get dressed.

Luca hums, “Is she coming?”

“Probably. She really wants to meet Hollzy,” Felix says with a laugh.

Shane snorts back his own laugh as he pulls a shirt on. He turns to sit down to put on his socks. “Moms love me,” he says with an eye roll.

Luca laughs as he stands up. One of his hands rests on Felix's shoulder, using it as a bit of leverage but it lingers for a few seconds longer. “I'm going to head home,” he says, pulling his hand away. Felix looks up and silently watches as Luca gathers his things and leaves the dressing room.

“You have to know, Felix. I'm like notoriously unobservant about certain… things. But even I know you're in deep,” Shane says, shooting a pointed look at the younger man.

Felix's cheeks darken and he ducks his head to look back down at his phone.

“I told my parents. About me,” he says softly.

Shane slips on a shoe and looks back at Felix with raised brows. “Everything okay?”

Felix smiles, “Yeah, yeah. It was good. They're good. I was thinking of… telling everyone.”

After tying his laces, Shane sits upright and watches Felix for a second or two. He seems to be calm– happy. God, a part of Shane is almost unruly with jealousy. How simple his life could have been if he had been even a smidgen as brave as this fucking kid. He swallows harshly, wrestling the terrible thoughts into submission, before smiling as best as he can manage.

“I think that's great. You know we're all here for you. And Ilya has been dying to make jokes out loud so honestly it'd make my life easier.”

Felix laughs loudly and shakes his head, “Well obviously I have to do it now if only to help you.”

“Stop flirting with my husband, LaPointe,” Ilya drawls as he re-enters the dressing room, towel slung low on his hips.

Both Felix and Shane look up at him as he crosses the room to his own stall. The two of them make eye contact and Shane shakes his head, grinning.

“It's not fair, right?”

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Sometimes things get lost in translation. We'll brush up on our skills and be back!

[A video showing the highlights from the game against Dallas including goals scored by Troy in the first period, and Ilya on a power play in the second – he immediately finds Shane after the puck crosses the line and hugs him close on celebration.]

@anyasbigsister
You can't win them all. Good game, boys!

@voyagerfan86
Keep that shit off the ice

@makeitmakecennts
Call the commissioner, hockey players are hugging their teammates after scoring!!!! What's next? Communal showers?

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for all the love, truly.

Chapter 16: Family Day

Chapter Summary

SELENA: Oooooh, Lisa has a crush on a boy.

LISA: (laughs) Shh! Don't tell him!

Chapter Notes

Ngl. I got a little misty eyed for some reason writing this lolol

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
From our families to yours – Have a great weekend!

[The video begins with several shots of the rink at the CensPlex. People are all over. Children are skating and sliding all over. There are people sitting in the stands, talking and laughing. Players are playing with each other and their families. Two dogs are shown napping together under the home bench.]

HARRIS: (off camera) First things first, can you introduce yourselves?

CASSIE BOODRAM: I'm Cassie. (waves) I'm married to Bood.

CAITLIN DYKSTRA: Caitlin, Evan's wife.

CASSIE: I don't think anyone in this building ever calls him Evan.

CAITLIN: I do when I'm mad at him.

CASSIE: (laughs) Are you mad at him right now?

CAITLIN: (smiles wide) No.

HARRIS: (off camera) What is your favorite thing about your player?

CASSIE: Zane is… such a good-hearted person. He's so selfless and just wants everyone around him to be happy and cared for.

CAITLIN: Evan is so protective. He's literally a defenceman, but he just looks out for everyone. If he cares about you, you will always have someone in your corner.

HARRIS: (off camera) Hi, can you introduce yourself?

FERNANDA: I am Fernanda LaPointe, and this one (gestures to Felix with her head) is my baby.

LaPOINTE: (under his breath) Mami.

HARRIS: (off camera) What is your favorite thing about him?

FERNANDA: He is my baby. He has two older sisters and an older brother. Félix knew he wanted to be hockey player since he was a baby. He did not care what everyone else was doing. He was going to play hockey. He works very hard and follows his dreams. (looks back at Felix) Me inspiras mucho.

LaPOINTE: (kisses her cheek) Gracias, mamá. Te quiero.

FERNANDA: (leans against Felix's side) Te quiero mucho.

HARRIS: (off camera) (laughs) They got minors?

NICOLE: Mhm. For tripping.

HARRIS: (off camera) Taking after Dad, I like it. (Chuckles) Okay, can you please introduce yourself?

NICOLE: Nicole Boyle, married to Josh.

HARRIS: (off camera) And what is your favorite thing about him?

NICOLE: Oh, god. He is so observant. He sees the things other people miss, or maybe don't even think about. He sees a need and fixes it without any big to-do. Like, he'll see me a bit overwhelmed with them (motions toward the twins who are banging on the glass of the penalty box despite not being tall enough to really see over the boards) and without me saying anything he packs them up and takes them somewhere for a few hours. He sees when you need something and will bend over backwards to make it happen.

HARRIS: (off camera) You're gonna make me cry.

NICOLE: Blame Josh.

HARRIS: (off camera) Hello! Could you please introduce yourselves?

DAVID: David Hollander.

YUNA: Yuna Hollander. We're Shane and Ilya’s parents.

HARRIS: (off camera) What's your favorite thing about them?

ILYA: Yes, Mama. Tell the whole internet how I am your favorite son.

SHANE: Leave them alone, Ilyusha.

ILYA: But Shanya, they're going to say nice things about me!

HARRIS: (off camera) Are they always like that?

DAVID: Constantly.

YUNA: That's what I love about them, though. Shane has always been… particular. He likes what he likes and is always so thorough and detail oriented. So focused. Ilya really lets Shane relax and have fun and be a version of himself I'm not sure even Shane knew was there.

DAVID: They're so competitive about everything. We have had to ban several games from our house.

YUNA: Shane called Ilya a capitalist pig the last time that we all tried to play Monopoly.

DAVID: They will always compete against one another as hard as they can but they'll also stand up for each other even harder.

HARRIS: (off camera) The team has banned Uno from buses and planes.

DAVID: Yeah, that makes sense. Shane has a lot of feelings about the explicit rules of Uno.

SHANE: (skating by) You can't stack plus 2's! It's in the rules!

HARRIS: (off camera) Hi, could you please introduce yourself?

VICTORIA YOUNG: My name is Victoria. I am Jordan's grandmother.

YOUNG: (cups hands around his mouth) Nana!

HARRIS: (off camera) What is your favorite thing about Jordan?

VICTORIA: Jordan always makes me laugh. Things weren't always easy or fun, but he had always been able to make me smile and remember that they can be.

YOUNG: Oh, man, Nana. You can't be actually nice. That's not cool.

HARRIS: (off camera) No, it's nice.

HARRIS: (off camera) Could you introduce yourself, please?

CLARA HOLMBERG: My name is Clara and I am Peter's mom.

HARRIS: (off camera) And what is your favorite thing about him?

CLARA: Peter has always been so helpful. He's my oldest and he's helped so much with his younger siblings while also doing his literal dream job. He still calls and checks in with them and me to make sure we're all okay.

NILS HAAS: Hallo! I am Nils. This is my wife Lenor and our daughter Jara. We're Luca's family.

LENOR: We are so proud of Luca. He has always loved hockey. He told us when he was only four years old that he would play professional hockey – and there he is! He is so talented and hardworking. There is so much to love about him.

JARA: We miss him a lot, but he is very happy so we are happy for him.

HARRIS: (off camera) Hello! Could you please introduce yourselves?

SELENA: I am Selena Chouinard. I'm Nick's wife.

LISA: Lisa Hayes. Wyatt is my husband.

HAYES: (off camera) DOCTOR! Dr. Lisa Hayes!

HARRIS: (off camera) (laughs)And what is your favorite thing about your player?

SELENA: Nick is such a good dad. We have three kids and that's hard enough without all the traveling he does. But he always makes time for them. He makes sure he spends enough time with them all doing things they like. He calls and facetimes all the time when he's on the road. He's this big scary beast of a man to mostly everyone else but he's their daddy and he's so proud of it.

LISA: Wyatt is always unapologetically himself and encourages everyone else to do the same. He never wants anyone to feel left out or unwanted. He goes out of his way to include people and learn about the things they enjoy too. He's just great.

SELENA: Oooooh, Lisa has a crush on a boy.

LISA: (laughs) Shh! Don't tell him!

HARRIS: I am Harris Drover, Troy's boyfriend.

JULIE: I'm Julie. Troy's mom.

HARRIS: My favorite thing about Troy is…

JULIE: Keep it PG.

HARRIS: (scandalized laugh) Julie! I was going to say that my favorite thing about Troy is how he is constantly working to be a better person. He's great, truly, but sometimes he doesn't think he is so he is always doing more for others and getting out of his comfort zone to do that. It's really great to watch first hand.

JULIE: There was a point in time that I thought maybe I'd lost my chance with Troy through a lot or family nonsense. But he proved me wrong. He is so kind and caring. He is such an advocate for those who need a voice and he is always looking for ways to help, no matter what. He may not always look like he's happy about it (laughs) but he does it.

HARRIS: I tell him all the time that he has resting bitch face!

JULIE: He does!

HARRIS: (off camera) Introduce yourself please.

SHANE: (sighs heavily, but smiles) Shane Hollander-Rozanov. I am married to Ilya Rozanov-Hollander.

HARRIS: (off camera) And what is your favorite thing about him?

SHANE: Ilya does nothing half-assed. He plays every hockey game like it's his last time on the ice. He loves his friends and family like he has never been hurt before. He laughs like every joke is the funniest thing he's ever heard. He holds me like I'm something special and precious. He is a hurricane of chaos, but it's so nice to live in the eye of the storm.

HARRIS: (off camera) Please introduce yourself.

ILYA: I am Captain of the Centaurs and best hockey player Ilya Rozanov-Hollander, and I am married to second best hockey player Shane Hollander-Rozanov. He is my husband.

HARRIS: (off camera) What's your favorite thing about him?

ILYA: His ass.

ILYA: (off camera) No, no, no. I kid! I joke!

ILYA: How boring he is, that is my favorite. For a long time my life was exciting in… not fun ways. Shane is safe. He is secure and predictable. I never have to worry if he is going to love me or not. He makes plans years in advance because he knows that he will keep loving me that long. We have routines for everything. And I love it because it means he thinks about me enough to make room for me and us.

[The video ends with a few more shots of different family members interacting. Clara Holmberg sits with Victoria Young, chatting happily. Lisa Hayes skates around with one of the Boyle twins in her arms. Shane Hollander sits with Selena Chouinard and Cassie Boodram. Julie Fraser talking animatedly with the Hollanders. Milo Boodram and Susie Dykstra sit on the ground happily being loved on by Chiron and Anya. Fernanda LaPointe standing with Felix and speaking with Luca, pinching him gently at the waist.]

@thisisacentsworld
Is Nana looking for a younger wife by any chance? Asking for a friend.

@gettolapointe
¡Fernanda! Mi corazón 🥹🥹🥹

@hollanovorbust
I have so many thoughts and feelings about Shane and Ilya and Shane's parents and I don't even know where to begin omgggg

@ourboytroy
Julie! She is an icon! She's the moment!

@lucahaasmyheart
look at the little familyyyyyy 😍

@layoungbergtriplets
idk y it just occurred to me that bergy has like a real first name??? who is this peter??? thats bergy. the bergmeister.

@ottawasted
where is the green flag guy?

@boyleberry
those twins would absolutely wreck shop on the ice when they're older

@cliffmarshmallow
Hollander really turned a hoe into a housewife

@shanesrightnipple
Hollander-Rozanov. And his husband, Ilya Rozanov-Hollander is right where he wants to be. With his husband – Shane. Who he married.

@shanesleftnip
You tell em brother!

@gaytheprayaway
Do I even have to say it atp???

“Mommy!”

Shane looks up to see Odette Chouinard, the youngest of the three Chouinard children, skating over. She huffs loudly and leans against the boards. She's just barely tall enough to see over the top. Selena chuckles softly and turns to face the little girl.

She asks, “Yes, my love? What's wrong?”

“Bas is being mean! He said I'm too slow and can't skate with him!”

Looking across the ice, Shane spots the eldest Chouinard child, Sébastien skating circles around Nick as they talk. Selena coos softly and reaches out to lay a hand on Odette's where it is gripping the top of the boards with a barely contained fury. Shane recognizes and can appreciate the glare in her eyes.

“He is bigger than you, ma puce. I'm sorry he hurt your feelings, but sometimes he doesn't want to do what you want,” Selena tries to reason with all the patience of a mother three times over.

Shane, however, grins and leans closer.

“You want to go fast?”

Odette looks over at him with wide eyes, nodding her head frantically. Shane gets to his feet. “Go tell your brother you want to race,” he instructs, already hopping over the boards. The little girl doesn't wait. She is off in a flash.

Selena chuckles, “What are you going to do?”

“Win her a race.”

Shane skates off after Odette. On the way he passes Ilya who is talking with Bood and Wyatt, so he takes a moment to playfully slap him on the butt as he goes by. Sébastien and Odette are lined up together on the blue line when Shane approaches. He stands behind Odette and crouches just enough to be able to slip his hands under her arms.

Nick, who is standing in front of them to call the race, laughs to himself as he obviously recognizes what's about to happen.

“First to the end of the rink wins. One… two… three!”

Sébastien shoots forward quickly. Shane grins, and lifts Odette just a little, so her blades are barely touching the ice.

“Go!” he laughs as he launches forward.

Odette pumps her legs like she is skating with all of her might. Shane encourages her as he picks up speed, easily catching and surpassing Sébastien. When they are close enough, Shane sets Odette down and lets her push herself into the boards. Shane lifts his arms up and cheers. There's a lot of cheering and clapping from various people around the ice.

Whipping around, Odette skates back to Shane. She runs into his legs and hugs his knees.

“Thank you.”

Selena Chouinard | @LadyChoui
Daddy might have been replaced as Odette's favorite hockey player.

[The video of Shane and Odette racing with Sébastien at Family Day.]

@shanesfreckles
oh he needs to be a dad asap

@puckaround.findout
someone get that man pregnant

@Rozanov81✅️
I'm trying!!!!!

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for all the love and support. It means the world.

Chapter 17: Taste Test

Chapter Summary

BOOD: So good, my friend. So good.

HOLMBERG: (chewing) I don't know what this is but I'll take a dozen.

BOOD: Atta boy! (laughs)

Chapter Notes

I know that I've said it before but
🙌It's Happening 🙌

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
We're feeling really generous, Calgary. We want to share something special with you!

[The video opens in some sort of conference room. There is a long table with members of the Ottawa Centaurs all sitting around it. Captions are shown at the bottom of the screen as people begin to speak.]

ILYA: Harris, what are we doing?

HARRIS: (off camera) A special taste test to celebrate some friends. Lennox, if you're ready.

HARRIS: (off camera) Felix, remove the cover to your plate first.

LaPOINTE: This feels like some Game of Thrones shit.

YOUNG: Just do it!

LaPOINTE: (high pitched, excited shriek) Ahh! No way! How did you? HARRIS! How do you even know what a jicaleta is?!

HARRIS: (off camera) I talked to your mom at Family Day.

BARRETT: What is it?

LaPOINTE: (picks up the jicaleta by the wooden skewer, holding it like a popsicle) Jicaleta! It's, uh, jicama covered in chamoy and lime juice and Tajin. (takes a big bite and groans loudly) My mom would make these for us all the time as kids!

BOOD: Oh, that's so good.

DYKSTRA: ...spicy. Good, but spicy.

SHANE: I like it.

LaPOINTE: (through a mouthful) Esto está tan delicioso. Podría llorar ahora mismo.

[Fl: (Spanish)”This is so delicious. I could cry right now.”]

HARRIS: (off camera) I'm glad you like it, Felix.

LaPOINTE: I could kiss you right now, Harris. (glances at Troy and winces) I won't, but I could.

HARRIS: (off camera) You guys can finish or set it aside. Lennox is going to bring in the next surprise.

HARRIS: (off camera) Bood, if you would do us the honors.

BOOD: Even though I know it won't be bad it still feels like a trick.

LaPOINTE: See! (grins and takes a bit of jicaleta from Luca's plate that broke off, pops it in his mouth) It's scary!

BOOD: Harris! How… is this aloo pie?

BOOD: Harris. Do not take this the wrong way. (takes another bite) How did a white boy from Ottawa make this?

HARRIS: (off camera) I talked to Cassie. She sent me a recipe. Is it good?

BOOD: So good, my friend. So good.

HOLMBERG: (chewing) I don't know what this is but I'll take a dozen.

BOOD: Atta boy! (laughs) It's like a… spicy, savory mashed potato mixture in fried dough. Kind of like a dumpling or turnover.

CHOUINARD: With all the cooking you do, Bood, you never made these for us before?

ILYA: (already finishing his, silently pulling Shane's half eaten aloo pie from in front of him) You have been holding out.

HAYES: Potatoes, good. Peppers, good. Fried dough, good! (double thumbs up)

HARRIS: (off camera) (laughs) Okay, Lennox, are you ready?

HARRIS: (off camera) Alright, unfortunately we couldn't make this one but we found them. Luca, go ahead.

HAAS: Tirggel!

BOYLE: What?

HAAS: Tirggel! They're a kind of Christmas cookie from home.

HAAS: Don't bite into it!

YOUNG: You can't get all excited over a cookie and tell me not to eat it, dude.

HAAS: No. It's very hard. You have to let it melt in your mouth a bit before you chew it. (pops a cookie into his mouth and hums happily)

LaPOINTE: (covers mouth to talk) I wasn't expecting honey.

HAAS: (laughs, chewing) It is mostly honey.

ILYA: I love a honey dessert. (looks toward the camera) Why are you smiling like that, Harris?

HARRIS: (off camera) No reason.

BARRETT: These are really good.

DYKSTRA: So good!

HARRIS: (off camera) Alright, Lennox?

HARRIS: (off camera) Your turn, Shane!

SHANE: (eyes wide) Oh.

HOLMBERG: Fish!

SHANE: (laughs) My grandma used to make these! I don't remember the last time I had one.

HAYES: This is taiyaki, right?

SHANE: (nods) Yeah. The dough is kinda crispy on the outside and cakey on the inside and you can fill it with pretty much anything.

HARRIS: (off camera) Your mom said anko was your favorite filling.

SHANE: Of course she did. (bites the head off the fish)

YOUNG: (whispers) Poor fishy.

LaPOINTE: (groans) Oh my god, Hollzy.

ILYA: Don't ever say my husband's name like that again, LaPointe.

SHANE: (slaps Ilya’s leg) Shut up.

CHOUINARD: What is the filling?

SHANE: Anko. It's a sweet red bean paste.

BOYLE: It's kind of got a waffle consistency. I like it.

HARRIS: (off camera) Next is a special drink.

HARRIS: (off camera) Josh?

BOYLE: (laughs) This one is definitely poison, right?

BOOD: You good, buddy?

BARRETT: Are we intruding?

HAAS: What is it?

BOYLE: (suddenly very prominent US southern accent) It's the house wine of the south.

HAYES: Dude, what?

BOYLE: Cheerwine! It's a cherry soda made in North Carolina. I only ever have it when I go visit my parents, holy shit.

CHOUINARD: Oh, that's… tangy-er than I expected.

HOLMBERG: Fizzy.

ILYA: I like it!

BOYLE: Don't get used to it. It's so hard to get in Canada.

HARRIS: (off camera) We have extra bottles in my office.

BOYLE: My god, I could cry.

HARRIS: (off camera) We only have one more since the rest of us are all boring Canadians.

ILYA: (grins) Is vodka?

HARRIS: (off camera) You wish. (laughs)

HARRIS: (off camera) Go ahead, Roz.

ILYA: (softly) Medovik. (glance at Shane) You?

SHANE: (shrugs and smiles) Harris asked about Russian foods you like.

ILYA: Was my birthday cake every year growing up until… (clears throat). Is honey cake layered with cream. You let it sit in refrigerator for a whole day so it melts when you eat it.

ILYA: Спасибо. (kisses Shane's cheek) Thank you, Harris.

YOUNG: (takes bite) Holy shit that's good.

BARRETT: Wow.

LaPOINTE: This slaps.

HARRIS: (off camera) I hope you all enjoyed. There's extra in the players lounge if anyone wants s–

[The video ends as nearly everyone pushes away from the table to hurry out of the room.]

@bigdykstraenergy
I would like a plate please

@brokeassblade
This was so nice????

@gettolapointe
[A really badly photoshopped picture of R2D2 wearing Felix LaPointe's jersey.]

@centaurtrashh
But the way they all turned into little boys again???? 🥰😍

@sinbin4life
Tbf some of them still are little boys

@massholeroz
Why is Roz eating all of Hollander's food?

@shanesfreckles
Fuck you thats why

@ontariobabe
*frantically Googles whatever Bood had*

@ohmysweetcarolina
BOYLE IS FROM NORTH CAROLINA?!

@hollanov105
okay but roz looked sad and also happy about his? 😭

@haasboss
I don't think Luca can handle Tajin 😅😅

The player's lounge is full of people sampling the treats that Harris and the social team worked hard to make. Felix LaPointe looks around the room feeling a certain sense of belonging that he hasn't felt in quite some time. Maybe ever. He takes a bite from the jicaleta in his hand and lets his eyes linger for just a moment on Luca where he's talking to Jordy and Bergy across the room.

The image of his cute, pink cheeks after eating his own jicaleta makes Felix's heart do something funny.

Which, in turn, makes the rest of him do something even funnier.

Before he can really stop himself, or think about what exactly he's doing, Felix steps up onto a chair. People stop talking and all turn to face him. He feels a little ridiculous with a half eaten treat in his hand as all eyes settle on him.

“Um, hi. I just… okay. You guys are all like my family and, well, I already told them so I guess I should tell you too. I'm bi.”

There is a beat of silence and, stupidly, Felix feels like maybe he's made some sort of mistake. He glances to the side of the room to see Shane watching him with wide, warm eyes. It calms his nerves.

“We really are the gayest team in the whole league, huh?” Troy says with a laugh.

Whatever tension Felix originally felt disappears with the smiles and laughs of his teammates, his friends. He hops down from his chair and is immediately brought into a hug by Wyatt who pats his back and ruffles his hair.

“Good for you, kid,” he says, squeezing Felix's shoulder.

“Thanks, man,” he replies, a little dazed.

More back pats and comforting words find their way to him until Felix feels an arm wrap around his shoulders and he looks over to see Shane next to him. “Feel better?” he asks with an easy smile. Felix looks over to see Luca watching him, his lips slowly pulling back into a wide grin.

Felix flushes and nods, “Yeah. Uh, thanks Hollzy.”

Suddenly, Ilya is next to Shane and looking down at Felix with raised brows.

“You may be out now, but he is spoken for, LaPointe.”

Shane scoffs, and lightly smacks Ilya in the chest, “Be nice, asshole.”

Félix LaPointe| @FelixLaPointe07
[An image of R2D2 photoshopped onto the bisexual flag]

@gaytheprayaway
OMG????????????

@Rozanov81✅️
[‘I love my bi son’ screencap from The Righteous Gemstones]

@Hollander24✅️
He's had that ready to go for WEEKS. Proud of you, Felix.

@Rozanov81✅️
Don't get any ideas, LaPointe.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
We had so much fun sharing the ice with you, Calgary. Hopefully you don't go home too disappointed.

[A video showing several signs of encouragement from fans for Felix. Goals scored by Luca, Shane, and Felix. As well as a surprise, third period goal from Wyatt Hayes – shooting the puck from his net, over a Calgary forward and into the empty net at the other end.]

@crazyforhazy
FROM ALL THE WAY DOWNTOWN ITS WYATT HAYES

@centsandsensibility
What a fucking wild way to finish a game

@Wyatt.Hayes✅️
I think I'm ready to be a forward now 😌

Chapter End Notes

We are one step closer!

Chapter 18: What is the last picture on your camera roll?

Chapter Summary

@Young33Centaurs
SLUMBER PARTY

@FelixLaPointe07
SLUMBER PARTY

Chapter Notes

As some of you have figured out, I am (unfortunately) a San Jose Sharks fan. So... this shouldn't shock you.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
We are looking forward to capturing the views 📸 while in St. Louis!

[The video begins in a hotel bar. The lights are low and most of the Ottawa Centaurs team is spread out across different tables.]

ILYA: (smirks) I like that you take over video when Harris cannot. You are very dutiful boyfriend, Barrett.

BOOD: (laughs) You are an ass, Rozanov.

ILYA: I–

BARRETT: (off camera) (sighs, exasperated) What is the last picture on your camera roll?

CHOUINARD: Mine is a picture of a hole in my garage. (laughs and turns the phone to show a puck sized hole in a grey wall) Ever since Family Day, Odette has decided she is going to be the next Hollander and started practicing in the garage. Her slapshot clearly has the power but the aims not there yet.

ILYA: Have you told him that? He'd love it.

CHOUINARD: Nah, I kind of forgot after Selena made me patch up the wall. I'll show him later, though.

BOOD: My last picture is of the terrible painting in my room upstairs. (turns phone to show a poorly rendered screen print painting of a lighthouse)

BARRETT: (off camera) Why?

BOOD: I always take one for Cassie wherever we stay. She is big on design and stuff and she likes to make fun of the art in hotels.

BARRETT: (off camera) Oh, that's kind of sweet.

ILYA: My last thing is a video, not picture.

CHOUINARD: (chuckles) Is it family friendly?

ILYA: You think I would keep not family friendly things just sitting in my camera roll if I had them? Anyway! Look!

ILYA: My husband is very cute and sleepy.

CHOUINARD: What about you, Barrett?

BARRETT: It's a picture of Chiron. (show his screen, it is a picture of Chiron laying on the kitchen floor on his back. There are specks of flour all over his fur.)

BARRETT: (off camera) What is the last picture on your camera roll?

YOUNG: I know mine, I just did it. (pulls out phone) Mine is a screenshot from my texts with Hollzy.

HOLMBERG: You just casually text Hollander?

YOUNG: He's nice to me unlike you! (scoffs) Anyway. I texted him and said if me, LP, and him all score a goal against St. Louis then he has to come have a slumber party in our room.

LaPOINTE: (mutters) It's like you want Cap to kill me.

HOLMBERG: Mine is a picture of Jordy on the plane here. (turns phone to show a picture of Jordan Young asleep with his head leaning on the side of the plane. His mouth is wide open and he has a Centaurs team towel over his eyes)

LaPOINTE: (laughs) Dead to the world.

YOUNG: Delete that.

HOLMBERG: No.

HAAS: Mine is a picture of me with the Tirggel Harris got. I sent it to my parents. (turns phone to show photo of Luca holding a tirggel in each hand on either side of his face, eyes closed and smiling wide)

LaPOINTE: Oh, this one is cool. (shows his phone - it is a picture from their last game. A fan holding a sign against the glass. It is a bi pride flag with the words “¡FELI LAPOINTE PÓR LA RAZA!) My mamá called me crying when I sent it to her.

BARRETT: (off camera) What does that mean?

LaPOINTE: Like… for the people, the community.

HAAS: That's really nice (smiles).

BARRETT: (off camera) What is the last picture on your camera roll?

HAYES: (pulls out his phone) Mine is… this cool mural I saw the other day. (shows his phone to camera, a large colorful mural is painted onto the side of a building)

BOYLE: Mine is a picture that I took of Nicole and the twins. (shows a picture of his wife Nicole sitting on the floor with one twin in her lap, the other sitting next to her, reading a book.)

DYKSTRA: Good man taking candid pictures of her with the kids. (looks at his phone, laughs) Mine is a picture of a nasty bruise on my side after the last game (shows a picture of a large purple bruise on his ribs)

SHANE: I didn't realize you got hit that hard.

DYKSTRA: Definitely not the worst I've bern hit.

HAYES: What's yours, Hollzy?

SHANE: (looks at his phone, blushes) Uh…

BOYLE: (laughs) Is it inappropriate?

SHANE: No! (looks over his shoulder, sighs) it's nothing everyone hasn't seen before. (turns his phone around to show a picture of Ilya. It is a shirtless selfie taken in the mirror of their home gym. He is covered in a fine sheen of sweat and his muscles are very well defined post work out)

HAYES: (laughs) Damn.

SHANE: My husband is hot, okay?!

[The video ends on a zoom in of Ilya from across the room over Shane's shoulder with a knowing smirk.]

@LadyChoui
You have more holes to patch when you get home 😘

@mrsrozanov
What did Roz say that got cut 🤣

@LucaHaasMyHeart
Im feeling cuteness aggression toward that little swiss boy

@centaurdogwatch
ANYA AND CHIRON!!!

@bigdroz
Thank you, Shane Hollander 🥵🥵

@hollanovdefensesquad
Love that Roz had a cute little video and Hollzy had THAT 👀

@layoungbergtriplets
Jordy - Hollzy is nice to me!
Hollzy - why would i spend time with you????
what a sassy bitch

@dykesfordykstra
Oh that looks so bad 😬😬 Calgary really had it out for D huh?

@gettolapointe
Félix 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

@ottawasted
Sleepover???

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Picture perfect win in St. Louis!

[Video showing highlights from the game including a first period goal from Shane on an assist from Luca Haas, a second period goal from Felix LaPointe, and Ilya Rozanov, and an empty-net goal from Jordan Young seconds before the buzzer that has him turning and pointing excitedly at the bench.]

@Young33Centaurs
SLUMBER PARTY

@FelixLaPointe07
SLUMBER PARTY

@Hollander24✅️
😮‍💨

Shane lets out a long sigh as he stops outside of a hotel room at the other end of the hall where Ilya is staying. Where he should be staying. Reluctantly, he raises a fist and knocks on the door in front of him. He's barely finished knocking when it is pulled open to reveal a nearly vibrating Jordan Young.

“Hollzy!”

“Hi, Jordy.”

The younger man takes a step backwards and gestures behind him. Shane shakes his head but steps into the hotel room. There are two queen size beds and a roll-away cot, the latter of which Shane eyes skeptically.

“You don't have to sleep there. You can have a bed,” Jordan says, stepping around Shane. He rocks slightly on the balls of his feet.

Shane smiles, “You'd sleep on the tiny cot?”

Jordan shrugs, “Or, LP and I can share a bed.”

The bathroom door opens suddenly, and Felix LaPointe steps out into the main room. “Why are you always trying to share a bed with me?” he asks, shaking his head.

“Forgive a guy for wanting to cuddle the homies!”

Shane shakes his head and moves to sit down on one of the beds. He kicks off his slides and pulls his legs up to sit criss-crossed with his hands in his lap. He really just wants to go to sleep. After the game in St. Louis, a day of travel, and another game in Tampa Bay, Shane was truly exhausted.

Jordan dives for the other bed, looks up at Felix, and pats the space in front of him.

Felix groans but goes to sit on the bed with Jordan, leaning on the headboard. Jordan sits up in a flash, grinning wildly.

“What do you wanna do, Hollzy? We can order a treat from room service or watch a movie. Me and Felix bought face masks before the game today! We can talk about boys!”

Shane blinks a little wildly at the onslaught of suggestions, “Boys? Are you also coming out to me, Jordan?”

“Nah. But, y'know… slumber party activities!”

“Well, I'm married so the only boy I have to talk about is Ilya.”

Felix raises his eyebrows, “You should tell Jordan what you told me about Roz.”

Jordan sits up straighter and looks between the two of them excitedly, “Tell me!”

Grabbing a pillow, Shane flings it at Felix. It smacks him squarely in the face. “That was a secret shared during your vulnerable time!” Shane protests. He grabs another pillow and holds it aloft, ready to fling again. “Maybe we should talk about your boy.”

“So there is a boy?!” Jordan shouts.

Felix groans and presses his face into the pillow that Shane threw at him.

Shane lowers his pillow and blinks in disbelief. “You cannot be serious, Felix,” he practically hisses.

“We talked!” Felix says, tossing the pillow aside. “We talk about the past and what happened and stuff but… the present is a little more complicated.”

“What are we talking about?” Jordan asks, getting to his feet and jumping on the bed.

Shane raises his brows at Felix and then turns to Jordan, “Felix is head over heels in love with Luca but won't actually say anything to him.”

“Cap and Hollzy used to be fuck buddies and Cap ghosted him for SIX MONTHS. And when they met up again he asked Hollzy to suck him off in a public bathroom!”

Jordan gasps, making a frankly inhuman noise. Shane narrows his eyes.

“Luca has been finding a way to room alone on most roadies because he's hoping Felix will go see him and they can fuck.”

Felix flails so dramatically that he nearly falls off of the bed, “What?”

Shane smiles smugly, “I know all the secrets, don't you remember?”

“Is… is he alone here?”

“Doesn't matter. Too late now. Break out the face masks. We're having a slumber party,” Shane says almost threateningly.

Jordan Young | @Young33Centaurs
🎶We ain't gonna sleep tonight🎶 🎵Like a slumber party🎵

[A photo of Jordan Young, Shane Hollander, and Felix LaPointe sitting side-by-side-by-side in a bed all wearing robes and face masks. They each have a plate with an obscenely large cookie on it.]

@centitoff
This is the single greatest thing I've ever seen in my life

@lahaasarmy
we can stay up late swapping manly stories and in the morning im making waffles!!

@Rozanov81✅️
I warned you about being in bed with my husband, LaPointe

@Young33Centaurs
Okay, Casper 👻👻

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading and commenting and all the kudos. You're all so lovely.

Chapter 19: What's your biggest hockey ick?

Chapter Summary

HOLMBERG: (off camera) What are we supposed to do to get back to the bench?

SHANE: Learn to do a power pull like a god damn professional athlete.

ILYA: (snorts back a laugh) Shane has very strong feelings about skating skills.

Chapter Notes

*quietly puts on some Marvin Gaye*
😏😏

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
We are in Tampa Bay. Here's hoping nothing out here is too… icky. 🤢

[The video begins on the Ottawa Centaurs's bus. It is late afternoon and they just landed in Tampa, heading to their hotel.]

BARRETT: (off camera) Bood, I've been instructed to ask what is your biggest hockey ick?

BOOD: (looks up, blinks slowly) Ick? Bad tape jobs. Irritates the hell outta me. Candy caning or covering the whole blade up to the shaft? Wild work. It needs to be stopped.

BARRETT: (off camera) Fair enough.

BARRETT: (off camera) What's your hockey ick?

DYKSTRA: Ick?

BOOD: (off camera) Like specific pet peeves about hockey or small thing that people do that annoys you.

DYKSTRA: Oh, stick checking. Like guys trying to play off that their miss was because something was wrong with their stick and not that they just missed. So dumb.

BOYLE: Oh yeah, that's a good one. I'll say no sock tape.

BARRETT: (off camera) Children, what's your hockey ick?

YOUNG: (not looking up) Wet gitch.

LaPOINTE: (gags and looks up at the camera) Wet gear at all but especially gloves.

BARRETT: (off camera) Hazy, what is your hockey ick?

HAYES: As a goalie, it's gotta be black stick tape. Makes my job just that much harder.

BARRETT: (off camera) Choui?

CHOUINARD: Guys who toe drag all the time.

HAYES: Yes!

ILYA: (glances up briefly) Harris has sent you to bother us again?

BARRETT: (off camera) He wants to know what your biggest hockey ick is.

ILYA: When people cannot back up their chirps. Is embarrassing to watch.

BARRETT: (off camera) (chuckles) That's fair. Shane?

SHANE: (looks up from his book) When guys break a blade and flop around on the ice like a fish on dryland.

HOLMBERG: (off camera) What are we supposed to do to get back to the bench?

SHANE: Learn to do a power pull like a god damn professional athlete.

ILYA: (snorts back a laugh) Shane has very strong feelings about skating skills.

BARRETT: (off camera) I can see that.

SHANE: It's a basic move everyone should have learned as children!

ILYA: Quick, Barrett, distraction. What is your answer?

BARRETT: (off camera) Tying laces around ankles is insane to me. It's so bad to look at.

ILYA: (nods) It is tacky and distasteful, yes.

BARRETT: (off camera) Okay, boys, what is your biggest hockey ick?

HOLMBERG: Guys skating with their tongues out. Just flopping everywhere. Tuck that shit into your shinnies!

HAAS: (laughs) I had no idea you had such strong opinions on skate tongues.

HOLMBERG: Icks don't have to be logical!

HAAS: Fine, fine. I guess mine is when you're in two-on-one or even three-on-one and you don't pass the puck.

HOLMBERG: That is absolute trash behavior.

[The video ends as the camera spins around to watch the highway stretching out in front of the bus.]

@imnewintown
hi local unsporty queer here i am just here for the hot boys – what is a gitch and why is it bad if it is wet?

@rolliepolliegoalie
It's the base layer of clothes worn under their gear basically like undergarments so their stuff doesn't get as gross and sweaty. So putting it on wet wouldn't be great but also when it's all wet with sweat after a game is also gross

@holeander
Shane is going to arrange a power pull clinic so the guys don't embarrass him out there any more

@getouttamycrease
okay but roz cuddled up to hollzy??? 😍😍

@layoungbergtriplets
This was pre-slumber party right? You think Jordy and LP are planning their night with Hollzy?

@puckingpuckandpuck
Ngl i thought bergy was talking about ACTUAL tongues at first and was very confused

@oldguard88
Why did people boo Boyle about the no sock tape thing? We all used to wear it all the time.

@zaneboodramsworkoutroutine
A lot of guys have kind of a suspender situation with their jocks that hold up the socks now

@emotionalsupportpuckbunny
I'm sorry. Are you saying they wear jock strap LINGERIE to hold up their THIGH HIGH socks?????

@ottawapridee
For such a homophobic sport as a whole, it is really very gay 💅

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
No ick, but that final score was nasty 😜

[A photo of a celly with Ilya Rozanov, Zane Boodram, Troy Barrett, Nick Chouinard, and Pete Holmberg under the scoreboard showing a 5 to 1 Ottawa win.]

@shanesleftnip
First line, my beloveds 🥰

@lucahaasmyheart
that lapointe to haas goal in the second was a fucking beauty

@riskitforthebiscuit
This team is on a complete nother level this season

The team flew out to Nashville the day after their game in Tampa. They're supposed to have the rest of the day free to themselves, then a morning skate and work out the following day before their game that night.

The entire process of checking into the hotel had Felix feeling a little on edge. The team dinner wasn't much better. But now, back at the hotel he's finally decided to do something about it.

Felix pats down his pockets, double checking that he has his phone and key card with him, and makes his way toward the door. He's just barely got his hand on the handle when the bathroom door opens and Jordan Young steps out of the steamy space in just a towel. He pauses and eyes Felix skeptically until a slow smirk finally spreads across his face.

“Are you going to see Haasy?”

Heat erupts across Felix's face. He shifts uncomfortably and pointedly looks away from Jordan.

“Maybe.”

“Use protection.”

Felix groans loudly and flips Jordan off before all but storming out of the door. In the hallway, he takes a few steadying breaths and turns to walk down to the room he knows that Luca is staying in. Nearby, the elevator dings. Felix looks up to see Shane and Ilya exiting the elevator. Ilya has his arm wrapped around Shane's waist, holding him close to his side, while his head is ducked enough to be apparently kissing at Shane's neck.

Shane glances over, spotting Felix outside of Luca's door, and grins widely. He turns away, tugging Ilya off down the hall without a word.

Once the pair of them disappear giggling into their own hotel room, Felix turns to face the door once more. He takes a steadying breath and raps his knuckles sharply three times against the wood. He holds his breath, straining his ears to listen for any movement within. He hardly registers that he is leaning forward at all until the door opens and he has to steady himself with a hand against the doorframe.

“Felix?”

“Luca! Hi,” he breathes out, standing up straight. “Um. Can we talk?”

For half a second, Felix is worried that Luca will tell him no and send him away. Thankfully, he doesn't. He smiles softly and takes a shuffling step backwards to allow Felix to step into the room. It looks like every other hotel room that Felix has ever seen in his life, but he still looks around feigning interest as Luca closes the door behind him.

Luca sits down on the edge of one of the queen beds. He looks up at Felix and pats the spot beside him. Realistically, Felix knows he should probably stay standing or sit at the desk or on the other bed. He knows that being too close to Luca with his golden curls and pretty eyes will no doubt distract him.

He sits next to Luca anyway.

“Can I… say some stuff and you just listen until I'm done?” Felix asks cautiously.

Luca's brow furrows but he nods, “Okay.”

Exhaling slowly, Felix looks down at his lap where he nervously folds his hands together.

“I know that we talked, in Washington, about last season. And, I know we talked about the summer and how you weren't sure I was actually queer and didn't want to put any pressure on me so you tried to put some distance and just… restart our friendship this season. I get it. I do. I just… I don't want to be friends with you, Luca. I really, really like you. You're so funny and sweet and so pretty that I forget to breathe sometimes when you look at me. My mom keeps calling me and telling me she wants to invite you to dinner because Él es demasiado flaco.”

Felix stops himself, having to take a minute to actually catch his breath. He is suddenly terrified and can't bring himself to look at Luca. That was way too much to lay on a guy you fucked less than a handful of times almost a year ago.

“Flaco– your mom called you that on family day.”

Scoffing, Felix rolls his eyes fondly, “That's the part you want to talk about? Yes, flaco. It means skinny. It's a stupid little nickname everyone in my family calls me.”

He finally looks up to see that Luca is staring back at him with warm blue eyes behind his glasses. The corner of Luca's plush, petal pink lips twitches upwards just before he reaches out with his hand to gingerly cup Felix's cheek. His palm is warm and soft, Felix can't help but lean into the touch.

“After the game tomorrow, we go back to Ottawa. Why don't we go on an… actual date?” Luca suggests.

Felix nods slowly, “I'd like that a lot.” His traitorous, lecherous eyes dip down to watch the way Luca's lips stretch wide into a smile that splits his face and fills the room with some ethereal light. “Can I kiss you?”

Luca doesn't say anything. Instead, he simply leans in to press their lips together.

The next morning, Felix rushes through his shower and dresses in such a hurry that he definitely trips putting on his underwear. He would feel embarrassed, but he hasn't stopped smiling since he woke up wrapped up around Luca like some sort of naked octopus.

He rushes down to the elevator and then the lobby, breathing harshly as he skids around the corner. The team is there and waiting for the bus to take them to the arena; Felix is definitely the last one to arrive and it's noticeable.

Roz looks a bit irritated as he spots him but beside him, Shane looks at Felix appraisingly. His eyes flick to where Luca is sitting with Bergy and back again, his eyebrows raising. Felix can't fight the smile pulling at his lips as he nods once.

Shane smiles at him, and reaches up to thread his fingers into Cap's hair, causing the Russian man to relax and turn his softened gaze back to his husband.

Thank god for Shane Hollander-Rozanov.

Chapter End Notes

Well...?

Chapter 20: Hockey Trivia

Chapter Summary

@layoungbergtriplets
Oh, Jordy, you're so pretty

@Young33Centaurs
Thanks!

@centitoff
Oh you sweet summer child

Chapter Notes

This is where my AuDHD shines, honestly.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
We're not just competitive on the ice.

[The video begins at the practice rink in Ottawa. Members of the Centaurs are all seated on the bench. There is a clear division between the player's, separating them into two groups. On one side is Shane Hollander, Wyatt Hayes, Luca Haas, Nick Chouinard, Jordan Young, and Zane Boodram. On the other side Ilya Rozanov, Troy Barrett, Felix LaPointe, Evan Dykstra, Pete Holmberg, and Josh Boyle.]

HARRIS: (off camera) Welcome to Hockey Trivia! I will be asking a question and if you know it you can buzz in. If you're wrong, the other team can steal the point if they know the answer. You will pass the buzzer down the line after each question. The winning team picks where you have team dinners on the next roadie. Are you ready?

HARRIS: (off camera) Shane and Ilya, your first question is: Name the original six NHL teams.

HARRIS: (off camera) According to the system, Shane got there first.

SHANE: (sticks tongue out at Ilya) Montreal, Boston, Toronto, Chicago, New York, and Detroit. Boston was the first U.S. based team in the league.

ILYA: (laughs) Okay, Mr. Knows Everything.

HARRIS: (off camera) One point for Team Hollander.

HARRIS: (off camera) Alright, Wyatt and Troy – In 2002, what did Team Canada put under the ice at the Olympics?

HARRIS: (off camera) Troy?

BARRETT: A Loonie. Everyone called it the Lucky Loonie because both the women and men's teams won gold that year.

HARRIS: (off camera) That's a point for Team Rozanov.

HARRIS: (off camera) Buzzers ready? Luca and Felix, your questions is: If a player is thrown out of a game for being a fight instigator, how many penalty minutes do they get for the fight?

HARRIS: (off camera) What's your answer, Luca?

HAAS: It's seventeen, yeah? Five for fighting, two for instigating, and ten for misconduct.

HARRIS: (off camera) That is… correct! Another point for Team Hollander.

HARRIS: (off camera) What former NHL team played in Quebec City before being relocated to Denver?

CHOUINARD: The Nordiques!

HARRIS: (off camera) (laughs) Correct. Another point for Team Hollander.

DYKSTRA: (chuckles) That wasn't fair.

HARRIS: (off camera) Next question. What is the diameter of a regulation puck, in inches?

HARRIS: (off camera) Jordy?

YOUNG: Two!

HARRIS: (off camera) Incorrect. Bergy, what do you think?

HOLMBERG: Three inches?

HARRIS: (off camera) Correct! Another point for Team Rozanov!

YOUNG: Why would I know how many inches wide a puck is?

HAYES: Because you're literally paid to play hockey!

HARRIS: (off camera) If Bood gets this question right, Team Hollander wins. If Josh answers correctly, it will come down to a team captain tie breaker. Are you ready?

BOOD: Let's go.

BOYLE: Absolutely.

HARRIS: (off camera) Which NHL team was founded by The Walt Disney Company in 1993?

BOYLE: Anaheim! Ducks fly together!

HARRIS: (off camera) (laughs) And the scores are all tied up!

HARRIS: (off camera) Our last question: Which team's power play was so devastating in the 50s that a new rule was created allowing a player to come out of the penalty box after one man-advantage goal?

HARRIS: (off camera) Ilya?

ILYA: Is, unfortunately, Montreal (spits).

HARRIS: (off camera) That is… correct! Team Rozanov wins!

[The video ends on the cheers of Team Rozanov , while Ilya leans across the hockey stick divider to grab Shane's face between his fingers in order to make his lips push forward in an exaggerated pout. Ilya kisses him swiftly just before the screen goes black.]

@lahaasarmy
you can't ask hockey boys to do math, harris!

@wildlyunpopular
This whole thing was just foreplay for Roz and Hollzy, right?

@whattheshift
Seems most games/competitions are tbh

@frcanisthebestcan
Was it planned for Choui to get the Nordiques question lol

@rozanderrr
The spit after Montreal!! 💀

@ringmybellcentre
They're just jealous

@ourboytroy
Of what, exactly? You losing record? Your pitiful point total? Your new center who skates like it's his first day on 2 legs?

Message has been deleted

@fckmtl
Keep that energy up when we come to Montreal next week. I wanna see Hollzy, Roz, Barrett, and LP beat the bigoted smirk of every Voyager fan

@cennyforyourthots
Not Boyle out here quoting Mighty Ducks!

@jboylehockey✅️
You mean the whole reason that I started playing hockey? 🦆

@layoungbergtriplets
Oh, Jordy, you're so pretty

@Young33Centaurs
Thanks!

@centitoff
Oh you sweet summer child

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Closing out this roadie with a win in Nashville! Let's go, Cens!

[A carousel of photos. Image 1: A side profile photo of Ilya Rozanov at the first face off of the game. Image 2: Josh Boyle captured mid-hit on a Nashville forward, his jaw is clenched and he is an immovable object. Image 3: Shane Hollander shot through the net as he aims a shot that would be a goal. Image 4: Felix LaPointe fighting for the puck against the boards. Image 5: A celly with Wyatt Hayes lifting Luca Haas completely off his skates. Image 6: The Scoreboard showing Ottawa winning 4 to 3.]

@gnashvile
These guys are a force of nature god damn

@brokeassblade
Such a cool shot of Hollzy 🤩

@luckyluca
Another game winner for Haas!!!

The house is quiet, which after the ever present buzz of buses, planes, hotels, and arenas left Shane feeling more relaxed than he has in days. He steps out of the bathroom with a towel tied low around his hips to see Ilya stretched out across their bed. He is in just a pair of old basketball shorts as he scrolls through his phone.

God, he's gorgeous.

It wasn't fair at all that he looked like that just laying in bed.

“Shanya?” Ilya asks, not looking up from his phone.

Shane hums softly, making his way toward his wardrobe, “Hm?”

“What does Casper mean?”

Freezing with a pair of black boxer briefs in his hand, Shane chances a look over his shoulder to see Ilya now watching him closely. His brows are furrowed ever so slightly. Shane curses softly under his breath before he tugs on the underwear, and places his discarded towel into the hamper. He sighs, pushing a hand through his shower damp hair and leans back against his dresser. His hands curl around the edge of the wood, pressing into his palms.

“Is this about Jordy's tweet the other night?”

Ilya nods, “I looked online but is just a movie about a dead boy falling in love with scary girl and becoming real again? I don't understand.”

Shane shifts a bit uncomfortably, moving his weight from foot to foot. He was absolutely going to kill Jordan tomorrow at practice.

If Ilya didn't get to him first.

“He was calling you that because Casper is a ghost. We were talking and it came up that years ago, during The Dark Times, you had ghosted me for like six months before the award show in Vegas.”

Ilya takes a moment, his face completely neutral, to process what Shane has said. Finally, the composure breaks as Ilya blinks slowly and then faster as his eyebrows raise.

“You told them this?” he asks, voice almost sad.

Shane moves quickly to the bed. He knees up onto the mattress and all but crawls closer to kneel beside Ilya. “I originally told Felix a while ago, when he first came out to me and told me about Luca. I… I didn't want him to waste time being stupid, like us,” he explains. He takes Ilya’s hand in his and lifts it to press kisses to his knuckles.

“At the sleepover, I brought up Luca and Felix told Jordan. And well, he thought he was being funny, I guess. I'm sorry that I told them, and I'm sorry he said that. I will personally kill him, if you want me to.”

A slow smile creeps its way across Ilya’s lips.

He sets his phone aside before pulling Shane closer. He rearranges both of their bodies until Shane is lying on his back and Ilya is draped over him with his head resting on Shane's chest. His fingers trail delicately up Shane's ribs, causing him to shiver at the touch.

“He will wish you killed him after bag skates tomorrow,” Ilya mumbles, pressing a kiss in the dip between Shane's pectoral muscles.

Shane snorts back a laugh as he lets his fingers sink into Ilya's curls, gingerly twisting the strands around them.

“Do you want to tell more people?” Ilya asks after a few beats of silence.

Shane grins, “That you ghosted me for half a year and I folded like a newspaper when you asked me up to your room?”

Ilya pinches at the slight dip in Shane's waist, making him yelp. “Brat,” he mumbles, soothing over the spot with his wide, warm palm. “Tell people about us. How long we've actually been together.”

Shane is quiet as he considers it. It might be nice, to honestly answer questions about when he fell in love with Ilya and to tell the silly stories of teenagers turned young adults fumbling through feelings and professional schedules.

But there is something still so special about having something that just belongs to them. Especially after their relationship was forced from the shadows into the public eye so suddenly and traumatically.

“No,” he finally answers, “Not right now, anyway.”

Chapter End Notes

Jordan will wish he were Casper when Ilya is done with him.

Chapter 21: If you had to name a baby...

Chapter Summary

@layoungbergtriplets
They're only babies themselves Harris!!

@bergmeistergeneral
Just 3 apples tall 🥺

@thisisacentsworld
Aren't Bergy and Jordy like 6’4 and 6’5 respectively?????

@bergmeistergeneral
🍎🍎🍎

Chapter Notes

I don't know if you follow me Threads on but I made a POST about how I imagine the children 🤣

Warning for: homophobic chirps, mild fighting/mention of blood

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
We work hard. We play hard. We plan hard.

[The video begins high in the seats at the CensPlex as practice is winding down. The whole rink is in view. Most players are filtering off of the ice.]

ILYA: (distant, echoing) Okay, Young! Hit the showers.

YOUNG: (doubles over, hands on his knees) O‐kay…

HARRIS: (off camera) If you had to name a baby after a hockey term, what would you pick?

BOYLE: Oh, god.

HAYES: Deke? That's not a terrible name.

BOYLE: Winger might not be bad.

HAYES: (chuckles) Good Ole Winger Boyle.

HARRIS: (off camera) If you had to name a baby after a hockey term, what would you pick?

BOOD: There's so many weird ones.

DYKSTRA: Dot is like an actual name, right? I'd pick Dot.

HARRIS: (off camera) That'd go well with Susie, too.

DYKSTRA: (laughs, sips his drink) I'm a genuis.

BOOD: Hm… Twig.

BARRETT: Twig? Seriously?

BOOD: What is your perfect answer, then?

BARRETT: I don't know. You could shorten Penalty to something like Penny.

DYKSTRA: Penalty Barrett!

BOOD: Penalty Drover? Barrett-Drover?

BARRETT: Okay! (blushes) Enough.

HARRIS: (off camera) Boys. If you had to name a baby after a hockey term, what would you pick?

YOUNG: Harris, I am a baby.

HOLMBERG: Don't put that evil on me, Drover.

HAAS: They can hardly take care of themselves and you want them to name a made up baby?

YOUNG: You'd be such a mean dad, Haasy. Everyone thinks you're a sweet little boy but you're so mean.

LaPOINTE: Who thinks Luca is a little boy?

HOLMBERG: The entire internet! He's their precious blonde baby!

HARRIS: (off camera) (loudly) Guys?

YOUNG: Sorry, Harris. Um… Bender. (goes back to looking at the television)

HOLMBERG: (snorts) Uh, Chip.

LaPOINTE: My mind immediately went to Beauty for some reason. (removes his arm from the back of the couch to hold his controller)

HAAS: Apple? I guess?

HARRIS: (off camera) Choui, if you had to name a baby after a hockey term, what would you pick?

CHOUINARD: I will hopefully never have to name a kid again, Harris.

HARRIS: (off camera) This is just for fun, Nick, c'mon.

CHOUINARD: Gino. That's a real name, too.

HARRIS: (off camera) (laughs) You'd name your kid Gino?

CHOUINARD: (rolls eyes) They'd fit right in with my three very French children's names.

HARRIS: (off camera) If you had to name a baby after a hockey term, what would you pick?

ILYA: Muffin.

SHANE: No!

ILYA: Pepper.

SHANE: Ilya, no.

ILYA: Bucket.

SHANE: (pulls on a curl) Absolutely not.

ILYA: Rocket.

SHANE: (sighs) Why are you like this?

ILYA: Why are you commenting on my answers?

SHANE: Because it would be my baby too!

ILYA: What about Captain? (tilts head back into Shane's lap and smirks)

SHANE: (scoffs) Sure.

[The video ends as the team settles in around the living room, after the children finish with their Mario Kart, with food and drinks to watch the hockey game together.]

@gaytheprayaway
[Screenshot of Felix with his arm on the back of the couch, behind Luca]

@lahaasarmy
That's a shark 👀

@gaytheprayaway
🦈

@layoungbergtriplets
They're only babies themselves Harris!!

@bergmeistergeneral
Just 3 apples tall 🥺

@thisisacentsworld
Aren't Bergy and Jordy like 6’4 and 6’5 respectively?????

@bergmeistergeneral
🍎🍎🍎

@hohohollander
hollanov is so frigging cuteeeeeeeeee 😍😍

@ourboytroy
I'm surprised Haasy said Apple and not Barrett tbh

@Cass.Boodram
So, when the time comes Zane will not be naming baby #2

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Hockey is for everyone ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🩷🤍🩵🤎🖤

@fmrmtlstan
This feels rather pointed after that game 😅

@centaurpride
Love this team ❤️❤️❤️

@iceicehollzy
Hockey, much like Hollander's fists, are rated E for Everyone!
[A gif of Shane Hollander dropping his gloves as soon as the puck dropped on his first face off against Montreal]

Shane hadn't expected sunshine and flowers when Ottawa took the ice for the first time at the Bell Centre. He just wasn't expecting the glass shaking, ear ringing boos. He's never been on the receiving end of it, not like this at least. He feels off kilter the second his blades touch the ice. Around him are faces that less than a year ago were screaming for him. Above him are the three Stanley Cup banners he helped win for this place.

He's trying to stay focused but his stomach rolls unpleasantly.

There are dirty looks from former teammates. He can see their lips curling around words he can't hear, and doesn't want to hear.

This is all so different from when Montreal came to Ottawa.

Different still as he heads toward center ice to take his first face off of the game with Luca and Felix on either side of him. Across the dot is Stedlund, a third liner who apparently got moved up since Shane's departure. Stedlund looks to the side, his eyes linger on Felix before he looks back at Shane with a sneer.

“You couldn't keep your shit to yourself and had to start infecting your new team with your queerness?” he mumbles, keeping his voice low. Not low enough, Shane can see the way Felix's shoulders tense and his head dips. The linesman isn't there yet, so Stedlund must feel bold. “You and Roz make all the rookies suck your cocks or is he just special?”

Shane doesn't say anything.

The linesman skates over and as soon as the puck hits the ice, so do Shane's gloves. There is a deafening roar that he can't even process as he slugs Stedlund across the cheek before he can even move. He grabs a fistful of blue jersey and yanks the opposing center closer to begin raining punches down onto him.

Shane hardly notices the way his visor clips into his cheek or the warm spread of blood on his face. He definitely doesn't notice the way Luca and Felix are in their own scrum with the Montreal wingers, not until Dykstra manages to pull Shane away as the linesman finally swoop in.

”Numbers 24, 11, and 7!”

Shane doesn't even wait, he skates toward the penalty box. Luca and Felix are close behind, taking seats on either side of him. As he is catching his breath, Shane glances at Luca to see he's definitely disheveled but doesn't appear too worse for wear. He looks at Felix and there is a small split in his lower lip but not much else.

“Hollzy,” Felix breathes out. There is some hesitation in his voice, and Shane can see his knees bouncing.

Shane shakes his head, tapping the back of his gloved hand against Felix's arm, “Hey. They can say whatever the fuck they want about me. They know me. I will never let them say shit about you, okay?”

Felix swallows hard and nods his head jerkily in lieu of an answer.

@holeander
That's my man!
[A fast-paced edit of Shane's fight set to the chorus of ‘Break Stuff’ by Limp Bizkit.]

@shanesleftnip
I KNEW HE COULD FIGHT I COULD FEEL IT IN MY BONES

@mybarnisburning
If I were in the NHL, I'd be afraid for my life after tonight
[An edit of the fight in Montreal cutting between different angles of Shane, Luca, and Felix set to ‘Let the Bodies Hit the Floor' by Drowning Pool.]

@easybreezyhollzy
Not only is he the best player now they know he can (and will) lay them out!????

@shanemomander
Mama Bear Hollzy
[A video of Luca, Felix, and Shane in the penalty box. ‘Not While I'm Around’ from Sweeny Todd plays over the footage. Shane is seen comforting both of them, and letting the medic examine them first. He smiles, blood in his mouth, and pats Felix's helmet.]

@centsandsensibility
🥹🥹Oh he really loves this team huh🥹🥹

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
It was an exciting time in Montreal. When your team has your back, anything is possible 🫡

[A video cutting between Nick Chouinard, Evan Dykstra, and Josh Boyle laying out several members of the Voyagers when they get close to the net. Goals from Ilya Rozanov, Jordan Young, and Troy Barrett are perfectly executed. The final score of 4 to 0 shows on the scoreboard before cutting to Shane Hollander with a cut on his cheek, smiling brightly as he hugs his teammates.]

Chapter End Notes

Shane Hollander can fight. There, I said it.

Chapter 22: Who can go the longest without...

Chapter Summary

DYKSTRA: Yeah, sometimes I feel like Barrett and Hollander silently judge us all for being idiots.

HARRIS: (off camera) It's not silent. He tells me all the time.

BARRETT: (off camera) Hey!

ILYA: (off camera) Shane too.

Chapter Notes

Warning: This chapter heavily focuses on Shane's disordered eating and compulsive thoughts. If you are uncomfortable, feel free to skip this one there isn't much plot wise other than that.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
We're going to give New Jersey something to talk about!

[The video begins inside the empty dressing room at the Ottawa Centaurs training rink. Practice jerseys are hanging in every stall.]

HARRIS: (off camera) Troy. Who on the team do you think could go the longest without talking?

BARRETT: (snorts) Me? Maybe Hollander, if Roz isn't around.

HARRIS: (off camera) Roz, who on the team do you think could go the longest without talking?

ILYA: Maybe Luca? Or, you know, Choui sometimes just sits and observes the room.

BARRETT: He's got three kids at home, he just wants a moment of peace.

ILYA: (snorts) Good luck.

HARRIS: (off camera) Guys, who on the team do you think could go the longest without talking?

BOOD: (laughs) Not Hazy.

HAYES: Hey! (laughs) You're not wrong but come on!

BOOD: Honestly, if he's drawing, I'd say Haas.

HAYES: Yea, that's a good one. Maybe Shane, too.

ILYA: Please, my husband will not shut up.

HAYES: (deadpan) Oh, no, My husband likes to talk to me, how tragic.

HARRIS: (off camera) Alright, fellas, who do you think could go the longest without talking?

DYKSTRA: On the team?

BOYLE: Haas, as long as the other children aren't around. Otherwise, probably Troy or Hollzy.

DYKSTRA: Yeah, sometimes I feel like Barrett and Hollander silently judge us all for being idiots.

HARRIS: (off camera) It's not silent. He tells me all the time.

BARRETT: (off camera) Hey!

ILYA: (off camera) Shane too.

CHOUINARD: So, Haas then.

HARRIS: (off camera) Boys, who on the team do you think could go the longest without talking?

HOLMBERG: If Cap isn't around, I'd say Hollzy.

YOUNG: No way! We had a lot of fun talking at our slumber party. I'm gonna say my boy Poptart (points at Boyle).

BOYLE: I told you that nickname isn't going to stick.

ILYA: No, no! I like it, it's good!

YOUNG: Together we can be Strawberry Poptart!

HOLMBERG: The answer is obviously not Jordy.

HARRIS: (off camera) Okay, kids, who on the team do you think can go the longest without talking?

LaPOINTE: Maybe Barrett? I don't know. Not me.

HAAS: (grins) Yes, we know it wouldn't be you.

LaPOINTE: Mean.

HARRIS: Probably Chouinard. He really only speaks when he's got something important to say.

[The video ends following Luca and Felix into the room as they walk toward their stalls before fading to a black screen.]

@itscalledapuckhello
[A badly photoshopped picture of Jordan Young and Josh Boyle's heads on two strawberry poptarts.]

@itsholeander
Where is my close personal friend Shane Hollander-Rozanov? 🥺

@easybreezyhollzy
ikr i mean roz even brought in his stuff so he had to be there right????

@shanesrightnipple
he's just proving that he's the one who can go the longest without talking by not appearing in the video

@shanesleftnip
Big brain idea brother 🤯

@gaytheprayaway
interesting who came in at the almost the exact same time almost as if they didn't want it to look like the arrived together

@lahaashussy
🦈

@centaurfuge
Hey @young33centaurs how the hell did you come up with poptart for @jboylehockey???

@young33centaurs
Boyle -> Boyleberry -> Boysenberry -> Berry -> Wild Berry -> Poptart!

@jboylehockey✅️
He says like it makes any sense

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Forget small talk, let's talk big moves!

[A video of Ottawa's 4 to 1 win against New Jersey. Felix LaPointe scores a gorgeous one-timer off a quick pass from Luca Haas in the first period. Wyatt Hayes stops a goal and slips the puck back into play to be brought all the way back down the ice by Zane Boodram for a goal at the end of the first period. Ilya Rozanov opens the second period with a slapshot bar down goal. Jordan Young scores, shooting the puck right through the five hole, for a goal in the third. Shane Hollander is noticeably absent from the highlight reel, despite playing in the game.]

@layoungbergtriplets
I love how Jordy has really come into his own this season!!

@luckyluca
😍 Luca and Felix are on fucking fire on that second line 😍

@exmontrealfan
I missed the game. Did Hollzy not play?

Shane's brain is under siege. It had been since before the team even boarded the plane to New Jersey. A war of attrition against his better judgment which was rapidly failing under the crushing weight of numbers. Macros. Calories. Weight. Sugar. Assists. Protein. Speed. Oxygen. PR in the gym. Goals. Heart rate. Shots on goal. Portions. Grams.

Numbers. Numbers. Numbers.

Too high. Too low. Too small. Too big.

It could be from the undercurrent of overstimulation. It could be from the appointment with his therapist, and her need to discuss his issues with control. It could be from the way Ilya eyed him wearily as he counted out crackers for a snack. It could be the fluctuations in his weight and the slight shifting of his muscle build as his diet has changed. It could be from how off their practice was before leaving for this roadie. It could be how dog shit he played against New Jersey.

Anything could be to blame.

But everywhere Shane looks he sees more numbers that are trying to pry his fingers from their death grip on his sanity.

There are too many variables that he has to juggle. He didn't pick the restaurant for team dinner – thank you Jordan for not knowing how big a fucking hockey puck is. He doesn't know the menu or what's good. So his brain reverts as he shifts uncomfortably in his seat amidst the raucous crowd around their table. He feels an old familiar door opening and welcoming him inside.

“Shanya?” Ilya nudges him gently on the arm.

Shane slowly pulls his eyes from the menu clutched in his talon-like grip. They track to the side as he turns his head just enough to look at Ilya. His husband whose face slowly falls in a way that would be imperceptible to anyone other than Shane Hollander, who has spent nearly half of his life with the visage ingrained deeply in his mind.

For just a moment, a brief and blissful blip of time, the numbers disappear. The frantic scramble for control and routine and perfection eases.

Shane takes a slow breath in.

“See something you'd like?” Ilya asks tentatively, almost fearful to speak louder or to actually broach the conversation he can probably feel coming.

And the numbers are back.

Blinking rapidly, Shane glances back at the menu. He can't find anything to zero out the calculations in his mind. Nothing that will soothe the stupid controlling gremlin that has awoken deep in the recesses of his mind. Shane folds the menu closed and slowly sets it down on the table in front of him. His movements feel wooden and heavy.

“I'm not that hungry, actually,” he lies.

Which, apparently, is a thing he does now? He lies to his husband.

Ilya must clock it immediately because the shift in the air between them is palpable. So much so that Troy eyes them both warily from across the table. Shane wishes he could just disappear. He longs for the familiarity of perfectly measured and proportioned meals prepped in advance following the carefully curated diet he spent years on.

“You are not hungry? After a game last night and travel today, you're not hungry?” Ilya asks, clearly suspicious.

Shane's shoulders bristle at the tone in his voice. Something between embarrassment and anger flares red hot in his chest, like he swallowed a burning coal that lodged itself at the base of his esophagus. He can feel the sidelong glances from their teammates as they try their hardest to not ogle the tense exchange.

“I'm still full from earlier.”

Lies.

Liar.

Shane Hollander is a liar who lies to his husband.

“Лжец.”

The casual accusation tinged with heavy disappointment in Ilya’s voice worms under Shane's skin. It wriggles into the negative space in his body, pushing and stretching until his skin feels thin and drawn tight across his bones. It crackles and shoots unpleasantly up the back of Shane's neck. It was one thing to call himself a liar in his own head, but for Ilya to call him on it was like a punch to the gut.

Stupidly, there is a sudden growing wetness along the lower lids of his eyes.

He doesn't want this. He doesn't want to be weak and stupid over having fucking dinner with his husband and teammates. His jaw feels tight and his back muscles tense as he tries to breathe through the onslaught of unfiltered emotion.

At the other end of the table, their server has begun to take orders. Shane needs to get out of here. He pushes his chair back from the table and swallows hard around the uncomfortable coal burning through his throat.

“I'm going to go back to the hotel and lie down,” he says in an unfortunately warbling voice.

Troy eyes him from across the table. Wyatt turns from beside Shane, concern furrowing his eyebrows. Ilya's eyes narrow and his nostrils flare as he appears to be trying to figure out how to put a stop to Shane's internal shame and control spiral. If only it were that easy. Ilya reaches for Shane's hand, but Shane pulls away quickly. The motion draws more eyes their way.

“I'll see you later back at the hotel,” he mumbles, already turning from the table.

He tries desperately to ignore the kicked puppy look on Ilya’s face along with the irregular pounding of his own heart as he walks briskly toward the exit. He keeps his head down as he hits the streets of Boston. The night chill hits him deep in his bones, and Shane pulls his jacket tighter around himself as he stalks away from the restaurant.

Somehow, he finds himself in some fluorescent nightmare of an over-hyped health food store. He purchases a pre-made green smoothie that tastes like literal grass, so his idiotic brain tells him it's good for him, and makes his way back to the hotel.

He can't bring himself to finish the green nightmare of a drink and sets it on the desk before he strips out of his clothes. He takes a too hot shower, scrubbing ruthlessly at every centimeter of skin until it is raw and red and deemed clean. By the time he steps out of the bathroom, with a plush white towel around his hips, Ilya is sitting on the bed already waiting for him.

Shane sees the hard lines of Ilya's face, the crease of his brow, and almost wants to retreat into the bathroom.

“What is going on, Shanya?” Ilya asks, voice desperate and soft.

Tears once again spring up in Shane's eyes as he stares at the hideously patterned carpet. He swallows thickly, trying to find words that would make sense to someone other than himself. How was he supposed to explain to his husband that all the work that they both had been doing splintered and broke apart in less than a week? How was he supposed to look Ilya in the eye and tell him he had taken two steps forward and several giant leaps back?

Ilya sighs, “You are struggling. And you are hiding it. Poorly, very poorly, but you are trying.”

Shane scoffs, rolling his eyes. He hears the gentle creak of the mattress followed by Ilya footsteps getting closer before the points of Ilya’s pointer and middle fingers brush under Shane's chin, forcing him to slowly lift his gaze.

“After our Montreal game I had an appointment with the training staff. My stats are… different. My weight and muscles and balance. They're not bad but different. It made me feel… I don't know. I got really in my head. And then I had a meeting with my therapist and she kept pushing me about how I am going to handle that change and… not well apparently,” Shane laughs humorously.

His lip wobbles and he blinks one, two, three times before a hot tear escapes his eye to trail down his cheek. Ilya's thumb catches it, brushing it away easily. Shane takes a shuddering breath in as his hands wring together between their bodies.

“I've been in my head running numbers constantly. Counting everything. I played like absolute shit in New Jersey because of it.”

Ilya doesn't say anything. He simply steps forward and wraps his arms around Shane's shoulders, pulling him close. Shane instinctively lays his head on Ilya’s shoulders and allows his eyes to close.

“I didn't want to fight or lie or anything. I just… it was like my brain was trying grasping at straws for any familiarity or control it could find,” Shane whispers. His arms wrap around Ilya’s waist as his hands grip tightly into the fabric at the back of his shirt.

Ilya sighs softly and presses soft kisses just below Shane's ear.

“Getting better is not always a straight path. It is okay to slip, is normal. I just want you to tell me when it happens.”

Shane can only bring himself to nod as more tears slowly trickle down his face, over his freckles, and soak into the neck of Ilya’s shirt. He lets out a shaky exhale as Ilya's wide, warm palms run slow, soothing circles over his back.

They stay there in silence, simply holding one another long enough for the chill of the room to settle on Shane's shower damp skin.

“That smoothie was not good, hm?” Ilya asks after a long stretch of quiet.

Shane snorts back a laugh, pressing his face closer to Ilya’s neck. “No. It tastes like dirt,” he grumbles.

“Mm, good thing I brought you food from the restaurant.”

Sighing softly, Shane nuzzles against Ilya's neck, “You're too good to me.”

“Impossible. You deserve everything good and more.”

Shane huffs, rolling his eyes even though Ilya can't see the move. “I don't know about that,” he says, slowly pulling back from their embrace to look at his husband.

Ilya smiles a bit sadly and cups Shane's cheek in his hand. He brushes away a few more tears with the pad of his thumb.

“That's okay. I know so.”

Chapter End Notes

I promised Threads a Felix/Luca chapter if I made a sad chapter so look forward to that.

Chapter 23: 8:30

Chapter Summary

YOUNG: (chuckles) Haasy and LP aren't here yet.

BOOD: That's a bit weird for Haas.

HOLMBERG: They went out last night so they're probably too hu–

ILYA: (hands over ears) Do not talk about breaking curfew in front of your captain! I do not want to be responsible so early in the morning.

Chapter Notes

Here is my LaHaas chapter to make up for last chapter. Enjoy 💖

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Boston, make sure you're on time for our game tonight!

[The video begins at a restaurant table. There aren't that many patrons inside. Text appears on the screen reading: ‘The team was told to be here at 8:30 for breakfast. Let's see what time they arrive.’]

BARRETT: I got here fifteen minutes before we were supposed to because Harris threatened my life if I didn't get here early enough to complete the video. I think Shane is going to be the next one here. With or without Roz is to be determined.

BARRETT: (off camera) Honestly, I'm surprised you're first.

CHOUINARD: (chuckles) I'm surprised I'm first. Hollander isnt here?

BARRETT: (off camera) Nope not yet.

CHOUINARD: Weird. (takes a seat)

BARRETT: (off camera) Who do you think will be next?

CHOUINARD: I think I've got to say Hollander. Maybe Poptart.

BARRETT: (off camera) (huffs, chuckles) Not Poptart.

BARRETT: (off camera) (laughs) No way.

HAYES: What?

CHOUINARD: You are early and you beat Hollander here.

HAYES: I feel like maybe I should be insulted? (laughs) But, are we sure that he's okay?

DYKSTRA: Roz is probably making him late.

CHOUINARD: Late as in not early.

DYKSTRA: Exactly.

BARRETT: (off camera) Well, who do you think will be next?

HAYES: It has to be Hollzy, right?

DYKSTRA: The world might end if it's not him.

HAYES: Poptart!

CHOUINARD: Poptart!

BOYLE: I'm going to kill Jordan.

DYKSTRA: So, it wasn't Hollzy.

CHOUINARD: He and Roz might be… indisposed.

BOYLE: They're not here? I saw them leaving the hotel right before I did.

HAYES: They've been abducted by aliens.

BARRETT: (off camera) Or Roz wanted to show Shane something. He did live in this city for a decade.

BOYLE: That's fair. (sits at the table)

BARRETT: (off camera) Poptart, who do you think is going to be next?

BOYLE: Maybe Bergy or Bood, if we're assuming Roz and Hollzy are doing something first.

DYKSTRA: You win, Poptart.

HAYES: Where's the rest of the children?

HOLMBERG: Jordy and I were gonna walk over but he wanted to wait for LP. So who knows when they're going to roll up. LP is probably still asleep.

BOYLE: (laughs) Too much fun last night for the little guy?

HOLMBERG: Probably. (grins, takes a seat) I did tell Jordy I wasn't saving him a seat so maybe he'll give up and be here soon.

BARRETT: (off camera) Is he your guess for who shows up next?

HOLMBERG: (looks around the table) Cap and Hollzy aren't here yet?

HAYES: No and I find our lack of concern very distressing.

BOYLE: I literally saw them leaving the hotel. They're fine.

HOLMBERG: I guess, I'll say them or Bood.

HAYES: They're alive!

CHOUINARD: Why are you eating bacon? We are having breakfast.

SHANE: Ilya wouldn't get out of bed unless I promised we would stop at Dunkin.

ILYA: It was… What's the English word? A sacred journey?

SHANE: (sighs) Pilgrimage.

ILYA: Yes! I needed to be a pilgrim before I left Boston tonight. And they sell bacon as a little treat! God bless America.

YOUNG: They saw me outside the hotel. Cap gave me a piece and said to come with them.

HOLMBERG: Like a lost puppy.

YOUNG: You're just jealous because I have bacon and you don't. (sits down)

HOLMBERG: We are literally getting breakfast. I could order bacon now.

YOUNG: (finishes eating) Yes but mine was free and a treat.

SHANE: (sits down) Who are we still waiting on?

DYKSTRA: Haas, Bood, and LP.

BARRETT: (off camera) Who do you think will be next?

SHANE: Probably Bood.

ILYA: My beautiful Bood better be here soon.

YOUNG: (smirks) Definitely not Haasy or LP.

BOOD: Sorry! I was talking to Cas and the little man and lost track of time. (sits down) Am I the last one here?

BARRETT: (off camera)No. We're still waiting on two more.

YOUNG: (chuckles) Haasy and LP aren't here yet.

BOOD: That's a bit weird for Haas.

HOLMBERG: They went out last night so they're probably too hu–

ILYA: (hands over ears) Do not talk about breaking curfew in front of your captain! I do not want to be responsible so early in the morning.

SHANE: You're such a baby. It's almost 9. (sips coffee)

BOOD: And we've all heard stories of what Ilya Rozanov used to get up to in Boston. (laughs) Even as captain.

ILYA: (huffs) Well now Ilya Rozanov-Hollander is boring married man who does not want to yell at rookies.

HOLMBERG: We're not rookies anymore.

SHANE: If Scott Hunter still calls me Rook, you're all still rookies.

ILYA: Are we sure he is not just so old he forgot your name?

BARRETT: (off camera) Bood, who do you think will be the next to get here?

BOOD: I'd say Haas, but they might get here together. They've been attached at the hip lately.

SHANE: (mumbles unintelligibly under his breath)

LaPOINTE: Sorry!

HAAS: Sorry. Sorry! We're here.

BARRETT: (off camera) Everyone say thank you to the benefactors for our team breakfast!

[The video ends as Luca and Felix exchange a silent look before taking their seats at the table.]

@gaytheprayaway
no one fucking look at me talk to me touch me it's all there omg

@lahaasarmy
They gotta know we know right

@boyleberry
I love how quickly Poptart has stuck

@rozanderrendezvous
‘God bless America' says the Russian trying to get Canadian citizenship

@crazyforhazy
not Hazy being so concerned that Hollzy and Roz were late 🥺

@luckyluca
Oh they haven't seen

@lucahaasmyheart
seen what????

@hollanovtilidie
ohhhh roz definitely knows

@freebostonroz
Messy bitch 🤣
[Screenshot of Ilya and Shane giggling at whatever is on Ilya’s phone]

@ottawasted
Strange things are afoot at the Circle K

@gayandsporty
Holy shit??? That Centaurs player who just came out as bi is at The Alley??? Do I go talk to him 😝🥵

@gayandsporty
Damn! He's already dancing with someone 😭😭 I'll never live out my dream of being a hab

@beststickhandlinginbos
i just saw luca fucking haas in the bathroom at the bar?? he looked so good 💅

@hereforagaytimenotalongtime
my bf is freaking out over these two guys at the alley?? i guess they're hockey players?

@hereforagaytimenotalongtime
[A blurry kind of dark photo of a man with almost shoulder length black hair with his arms around a blonde man's waist as they dance. Their faces are obscured, but obviously very close together.]

Slowly, and regrettably, consciousness returns as Felix wakes up. His head aches, his throat is sore, his stomach feels bad. But there is a pleasant warmth pressed right against his chest. He sighs, tightening his arm around whatever he is holding and snuggles closer to the comfortable heat in front of him.

He vaguely hears what he abstractly knows is his phone, but Felix can't bring himself to open his eyes to look for it.

“Scheisse!”

Felix winces at shouted word and recoils slightly, which allows the warmth that he had been cuddled up with the space to move. There are more words quickly filling the air, none of which Felix is able to understand or begin to translate. Reluctantly, he shifts onto his back and peeks open his eyes.

He is greeted with the muscled expanse of Luca's bare back from where he is perched on the side of the mattress. Without much thought, Felix reaches out and lays a palm against his spine before slowly pushing his hand upward. He can feel the way Luca's whole body shivers, and his mind is quick to supply flashes of memories from the night before where he felt the same shiver.

“Mm, come lay back down,” Felix tries, his hand grabbing at the dip of Luca's waist.

Luca, however, shakes his head and stands up. Felix watches happily as he is gifted the sight of more of Luca's bare skin – his thighs, his ass, his chest, his stomach, his…

“Luca,” Felix whines, reaching for his hand.

“We are already late for breakfast,” Luca replies. He grabs his phone and holds it up in front of Felix's face. He blinks a time or two to focus his eyes, and definitely does not look at the wallpaper on Luca's phone which is a picture of Felix's back in front of a painting at the National Gallery. The numbers on the screen finally make sense to Felix's tired and hungover mind.

He sighs, “It's 8:35. We'll be fine.”

Luca huffs out a laugh, tossing his phone to the bed, “Not if you keep trying to distract me. We need to take showers and get dressed.”

“We could always shower together,” Felix retorts, pushing himself up to sit. The blankets fall to his lap at the movement.

“Again with you trying to distract me.”

Felix grins as he clambers out of bed. He tries really hard not to think about how they're both completely nude and how much he wants to skip the team breakfast all together in favor of pulling Luca back into bed. “I am trying to be efficient. It will take less time for one shower than for us to each take our own,” Felix says with a smirk.

He walks past Luca, his hand dropping to lay a soft smack against the curve of his ass, and saunters off toward the bathroom.

By the time Felix has the shower on and the water hot, Luca is in the bathroom and all but shoving him into the shower stall. Felix laughs and twists, letting his back hit the tile wall as Luca presses a quick but firm kiss against his lips. Felix's hands find home on Luca's hips, just as they had the night before. His fingers flex and Luca moans so prettily into his mouth.

“We are going to be so late,” Luca pants into Felix's mouth.

Felix pulls back from the kiss, his head thumping against the shower wall, and lifts his hands up beside his head as a sign of faux surrender. “Then we'd better stop fooling around,” he says with the tone of a man who knows that won't happen. “I don't want to tarnish your reputation as the golden child. What kind of boyfriend would I be?”

Luca narrows his eyes. His nostrils flare, and his water-slick body is pressed completely against Felix's.

“You'd be the worst boyfriend if you stopped right now.”

They jog down the sidewalk hand in hand, breathless giggles escaping both of their mouths. Felix is 90% sure he's wearing Luca's underwear and probably his shirt too. Both of their hair is still wet from the shower but there definitely wasn't time to dry it properly if they ever wanted to make it to the restaurant.

“You're a bad influence,” Luca laughs as they round a corner. The restaurant is in sight.

Felix grins and skids to a stop. He uses the momentum to spin Luca so that his back is pressed to the brick facade of the building in front of them. A cute little gasp of air escapes him. “You like it,” Felix replies simply. He presses a slow kiss to Luca's lips, a hand cradling his jaw.

They kiss for a few more seconds before reality catches up once again. Luca slaps his hands onto Felix's shoulders and pushes him away with a laugh.

“Breakfast. Go!”

The two of them take off again. They make it to the restaurant, and let the hostess know they're there to meet people before hurrying through the dining room. The table full of their teammates comes into view and Felix lets out a heavy sigh.

“Sorry!” he apologizes, adjusting his jacket.

Luca nods, catching his breath, “Sorry. Sorry! We're here.”

Mostly everyone looks amused as they eye the pair of them. There is a knowing look in Jordy's eye from across the room that makes heat rush up the back of Felix's neck.

Troy grins, “Everyone say thank you to the benefactors for our team breakfast!”

Of course. They were last, and very late, so they would pay for the meal. Shaking his head, Felix shoots Luca a quiet look which makes him smile just a bit back at him. They then split apart to find seats at the table.

@hereforagaytimenotalongtime
omg I just saw those hockey players from the bar last night making out in the street!?!? my bf said they play for the centaurs? omg

@hereforagaytimenotalongtime
[A photo of Felix LaPointe pushing a blonde man against a building and kissing him.]

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Making use of our time out on the ice!

[A video of Ottawa's 3 to 1 win against Boston. Highlights including a power play goal from Ilya Rozanov-Hollander off of a pass from Shane Hollander-Rozanov. A slapshot goal from Troy Barrett. And a goal from Felix LaPointe, taking a pass from Pete Holmberg who poked the puck free from Cliff Marlow.]

@ottawapride
I love when queers

@gaytheprayaway
Felix sure played great must have been pretty relaxed for the game

@lahasshussy
🦈

Chapter End Notes

I made a post on Threads about rookie lore if you'd like to see lolol

Chapter 24: Can you beat...

Chapter Summary

ILYA: Of course? (grins) Your papa is so old.

CELESTE: Aren't you like thirty?

ILYA: What?! I am not old!

Chapter Notes

Hello darkness, my old friend.

This chapter features talk about Ilya’s bad family as well as Jordan's – talk about alcoholism, parent death. There is comfort for the hurt though, I promise.

The angst gremlin in my brain grabbed me and wouldn't let go. Sorry.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
From the mouth of babes…

The video begins at the training rink for the Ottawa Centaurs. The ice is smooth and clear, ready for a day of hard practice. Sitting perched on top of boards, next to the door, is Celeste Chouinard. She is about 10 years old. Her blonde hair is in a slick bun and she is wearing figure skates on her feet. She holds a mini-stick with a microphone at the end.

CELESTE: Can you beat my dad in a race? (holds out mini-stick microphone)

DYKSTRA: (laughs) You know, it might be pretty close actually.

BOYLE: On ice? Probably.

CELESTE: Mm, I don't know about that.

BOYLE: You don't think I can?!

CELESTE: (eyes him up and down) Nah.

DYKSTRA: Absolutely brutal. (steps out into the ice)

BOYLE: You're definitely a mini-Choui, kid. (shakes head)

HAYES: Middlest Chouinard!

CELESTE: Can you beat my dad in a race? (extends microphone toward the group)

BARRETT: Yes. Absolutely.

HAYES: If I'm in my pads, probably not. They're not really built for speed.

BOOD: (gestures to Troy) Our job is literally to go fast.

CELESTE: Like Sonic.

HAYES: (laughs loudly) Paint ‘em blue, little Choui! (steps onto the ice)

BOOD: I'dunno how I feel about that.

BARRETT: (shrugs) Gotta go fast?

CELESTE: Hi, daddy.

CHOUINARD: Hello. (shakes head) What nonsense are you up to now?

CELESTE: I'm the question asker today.

CHOUINARD: And what is your question?

CELESTE: Can I get a new Zuca skating bag for Christmas? (bats eyes)

CHOUINARD: We will see, mon pitou. (kisses her head) We will see.

HARRIS: (off camera) If only Felix were here, then all the children would be together.

YOUNG: (points at the camera) Mean.

CELESTE: Can you beat my dad in a race?

HOLMBERG: Yes.

YOUNG: Yes.

HAAS: I mean… yes, probably.

HOLMBERG: You absolutely can, Haasy.

YOUNG: I am not stronger than your dad, but I definitely am faster.

CELESTE: (side eyes) You're definitely not stronger that's for sure.

HAAS: (laughs) Oh my god!

HOLMBERG: Holy sh– Dr. Terry!!!

ILYA: Hello, Medium Choui.

CELESTE: Can you beat my dad in a race?

ILYA: Of course? (grins) Your papa is so old.

CELESTE: Aren't you like thirty?

ILYA: What?! I am not old!

CELESTE: I don't even have to ask you. I know.

SHANE: Ask me what?

CELESTE: Doesn't matter, the answer is yes.

SHANE: O…kay. (chuckles and continues out to the ice)

ILYA: He is older than me!

CELESTE: And still faster (shrugs).

CELESTE: Can you beat my dad in a race?

LaPOINTE: Absolutely. I'm fast as f– (clears throat) I am very fast.

CELESTE: You were going to swear.

LaPOINTE: (walking away) But I didn't!

The video ends on a shot Celeste Chouinard doing a flying camel spin at center ice while the Centaurs on the bench behind her applaud and cheer. Nick Chouinard looks especially proud.

@iceicegrownadult
idk what a zuca bag is but get the girl whatever one she wants!!!

@rararozanov
Not roz being ragebaited by a child 💀

@ourboytroy
[A photoshopped picture to make Zane Boodram and Troy Barrett look like Sonic and Tails]

@hdrover
I am printing this out and framing it for my desk 💖

@centitoff
You dropped this mini choui 👑

@hollyjollyhollzy
Didn't even have to ask Hollzy iktr

@haasboss
Love Luca trying to be polite with his answer

@layoungbergtriplets
Bergy and LP having to censor themselves in front of the child 🤣🤣🤣

@thisisacentsworld
CENTSor 👉👉

@mybarnisburning
🥹 Okay but how sweet is Choui with her 🥹

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Maybe Celeste should have asked the Islanders if they could beat her dad? 😬 (The answer is no, btw)

[A video highlighting Nick Chouinard scoring a beautiful, clean goal after powering the puck away from an Islander forward to put the Centaurs up 2 to 1.]

@Lady.Choui
My man my man my man 🥰🥰🥰

@cennyforyourthots
Anyone else notice how off Young seemed tonight?

@andmystick
heaven forbid a guy not play perfectly 🙄

There is definitely something wrong. Ilya can see it in the hunch of Jordy's shoulders, in the shake of his hands, in the bags under his eyes. Ilya has seen it all before for many years in himself. He doesn't say anything at first, just observing. He watches for a few days how Jordan jumps when his phone rings, but he refuses to answer. He sees the way the younger man rolls his eyes, types something frantically, but ultimately backspaces until it's gone.

Ilya presses a soft kiss to Shane’s head as they enter the lobby of their hotel. He sees Jordan sitting in the empty hotel bar. He's not drinking, just staring at his phone as if it has personally offended him.

“Why don't you head upstairs? I am going to check on him,” Ilya says softly, nodding in Jordan's direction.

Shane follows his gaze and nods slowly, “Okay.”

He kisses Ilya’s cheek and walks off toward the elevators. Ilya stays in his spot, watching his husband enter the elevator and gives him a small smile and wave as the doors close. Once he's alone, he lets out a soft sigh before making his way into the bar.

“Young,” he greets, sliding into a chair.

Jordy jumps at his voice and looks over with wild eyes before he manages to rein himself in. “H-Hey, Cap. What's up?”

“Is everything alright? You seem… preoccupied.”

Jordan's shoulders tense as he pointedly looks away from Ilya. He pushes a hand through his hair, sending red waves in every direction. Ilya sees the harsh bob of his throat as he swallows. He opens his mouth once, twice, three times, but closes it again when the words don't seem to manifest.

On the table, Jordan's phone lights up with an incoming call.

Calls Himself Dad

Jordan quickly silences the call and flips the screen over, his face flushing almost as red as his hair. Ilya clears his throat, folding his hands on the table in front of him.

“Have I ever told you about my father?” Ilya asks much too casually.

There is a heavy beat of silence before Jordan clears his throat and shakes his head. “No,” he replies gruffly.

Ilya sucks at his teeth and nods.

“My father was… not a good man. He was much older than my mama when they got married. He was unkind to her and me and my brother. For a long time, I wish to myself that my mama would leave him. Run away. She used to smile a lot, and laugh and sing but she stopped. He got angry and she got quiet.”

Leaning back in his chair, Ilya runs a hand over his face. He silently wishes he had ordered a drink before sitting down. He hasn't talked about his family to anyone other than Galina or Shane, and he's not sure what to say or when to stop.

“I was a disappointment to my father. He did not care for my career, only when I represented Russian did he care. And if I lost, it was an embarrassment to him, to our family, to Russia. He was… mean and cold and cruel. It broke my mama and it made my brother terrible. I spent many years trying to make them both happy and take care of them. After he died, I realized that I needed to take care of me. I was raised with angry man in my house but I did not need to be him or keep him around.”

A long and heavy silence settles over the pair. Ilya can see the muscles of Jordan's jaw flexing as he seemingly clenches his teeth together. Ilya doesn't push, or say anything further. He isn't sure what else to say. He wonders if maybe he should just get up and give the kid some space.

But, Jordan exhales loudly and tips his head back.

He speaks to the ceiling, and Ilya listens.

“My dad was a drunk,” he says barely above a whisper. “He didn't work, and he drank all the money my mom made. She worked like three jobs and he didn't do anything. She, uh, she got sick. I was really little. She couldn't take care of me and work and be sick so she sent me to live with my Nana. My wrecked her car so she couldn't make it to work or appointments but she wouldn't leave him. When she got really sick, he took whatever she had left and ran off.”

Jordan's head falls, his chin nearly touching his chest, and a tear lands on the dark wood table.

“She died when I was four. And I never saw him again until I got drafted. I ignored him. But he found my number and he calls and texts and… I don't listen to his voicemails or read his messages. I don't know if he's genuinely reaching out or if he thinks I'm going to be his new cash cow but I don't want to know. I just… I want him to leave me alone.”

Without a word, Ilya slides his chair closer. More tears are falling down Jordan's face and Ilya’s heart hurts watching him. He wraps an arm around Jordan and pulls him closer, letting the younger man tuck his head into his neck as his shoulders begin to shake with sobs. Ilya hugs him tighter, running a hand over his back in soothing circles.

“You owe him nothing. You are good without him. You are good man. Good hockey player, will be great someday. He does not deserve a place in your life if you don't want to make him one,” Ilya says firmly into Jordan's ear, all the things he wished someone had said to him when he was younger.

Jordan nods his head jerkily before slowly pulling back. He wipes clumsily at the tears on his face.

“Thanks, Cap.”

Ilya smiles weakly, nodding once.

“Come on. As your new Papa, you need a drink and a nap before we fly home.”

Chapter End Notes

I promise less angst going forward 💛🩷

Chapter 25: How long is this?

Chapter Summary

SHANE: Can I touch it?

ILYA: (off camera) I have heard that before.

Chapter Notes

We are back from angst for the time being! Back to nonsense.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Seattle, we know that it's your first year in the league. We just hope we measure up to your expectations.

[The video begins in a back area in the Centaurs training center. It's all grey cement and open utility works in the ceilings. The camera moves through an open door to a large training room where several members of the Ottawa Centaurs are working out.]

HARRIS: (off camera) Jordy, how long is this?

YOUNG: You just want me to guess?

HARRIS: (off camera) How long is it?

YOUNG: Are we doing centimeters or inches?

BARRETT: (off camera) We all know he's not great with inches.

YOUNG: Hey!

YOUNG: I don't know… like, five inches?

HARRIS: (off camera) Close! (turns the tape measure around to show Jordan) Six and a half.

DYKSTRA: (off camera)Underselling it. Nice. (laughs)

HARRIS: (off camera) Bergy, how long is this?

HOLMBERG: Wha'? (looks over, breathing heavily) Something like 20 centimeters? (drops arms)

HARRIS: (off camera) Not far off. (turns it around)

HOLMBERG: I can't read that while I'm– (stops the treadmill and looks closer) Fifteen? That's still not great.

HARRIS: (off camera) Coulda been worse, bud!

HARRIS: (off camera) Guess how long this is.

BOYLE: What?

CHOUINARD: Harris. C'mon, man.

DYKSTRA: Eight centimeters.

CHOUINARD: That was so quick!

BOYLE: I can't even pretend to do the conversion in my head.

HARRIS: (off camera) To get inches, isn't it like… divide by 2.5? Something like that.

HAYES: (off camera)2.54

BOYLE: (rolls eyes) Thanks, Hazy.

HAYES: (off camera) No problem, Poptart!

CHOUINARD: (sighs) Yeah, I'll say like 10 centimeters.

BOYLE: (squints) Looks like about 4 inches, I don't know. I'm too tired to do math.

HARRIS: (off camera) Choui and Poptart are closest. (turns the tape measure around) 9 centimeters.

BOYLE: I still don't know what that means.

HARRIS: (off camera) How long is this?

HAYES: (looks up) Great googly moogly!

BARRETT: (loud laugh) What the fuck, Hazy?

HAYES: That's as big as my forearm! (gestures wildly)

HARRIS: (off camera) Hold your arm out.

BARRETT: Just about, probably a bit shorter. How long is your forearm?

HAYES: I don't know. I'm not out here measuring my forearms all willy nilly!

BARRETT: I'm going to say like… 27 centimeters.

HAYES: Twenty-eight!

BARRETT: (chuckles) You've been spending too much time with Roz and Hollander. You're way too competitive over something silly.

HARRIS: (off camera) (laughs, turns the tape measure around) Twenty-nine.

HAYES: Yes!!

HARRIS: (off camera) Luca, how long is this? (holds out the tape measure)

HAAS: (visibly startles, quickly turning away from Ilya) Hm? What?

HARRIS: (off camera) (laughs, shakes the tape measure) How long is this?

HAAS: I don't know, Harris. (shrugs) 15 centimeters?

ILYA: (confidently) 19 centimeters.

HARRIS: (off camera) (turns the tape measure around, laughs) Roz is right.

HARRIS: (off camera) How long is this?

BOOD: (laughs) Not very.

LaPOINTE: (holds up his pointer finger and thumb next to the tape measure) That's gotta be barely two inches, my guy.

BOOD: An expert on two inches, LP?

LaPOINTE: You wish.

BOOD: (laughs) I'll say three, Harris.

HARRIS: (off camera) (turns the tape measure around) It's two.

LaPOINTE: (laughs) Suck it!

BOOD: (laughs louder) I'll suck nothing!

HARRIS: (off camera) Hollzy, how long is this?

SHANE: (eyes the tape measure) Can I touch it?

ILYA: (off camera) I have heard that before.

HARRIS: (off camera) Sure.

SHANE: Nine inches.

HARRIS: (off camera) My god. (Turns the measure around to show Shane) You're right.

HOLMBERG: (off camera)Wh– How did you do that?

YOUNG: (off camera) (quietly) Holy shit.

DYKSTRA: (off camera) I officially know too much.

[The video ends on a panning shot of the varied impressed, concerned, and shocked expressions on the faces of the Centaurs before landing on Ilya who simply winks before the screen turns black.]

@troybarrettsabs
Thank you, Harris Drover 🙏🙏🙏🙏
[A gif of the sweat droplet sliding down Troy's abs]

@gaytheprayaway
👀👀
[A screenshot of Luca's face during Felix's turn]

@lahaasarmy
*whispers*big dihh lp

@luckyluca
My name is even more true

@rararozanov
oh okay
[Screenshot of Ilya’s back muscles mid-pull up]

@freak4freakhollanov
[Gif of Shane Hollander using his hands to measure the length of the tape measure]

@shaneoishisnameo
That man has THAT at home and then clocks in to put up points the way he does????

@cowboyshane
He's an ✨️athlete✨️

@futuremrhollander
MY GOD 🥵🥵🥵
[Screenshot of shirtless Shane in grey sweatpants

@bigdroz
[“I know it! I know its's big” gif of Tiffany ‘New York' Pollard]

@centaurbonkpatrol
This whole thread needs a BONK! jesus christ

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
A few centimeters makes all the difference 😉

[A video showing Shane Hollander taking a wrister as he comes around the back of the goal while the timer runs down to the end of the third period. The camera zooms close to show the puck just barely making it over the line to score a goal. The Centaurs go up 3 to 2 as time runs out.]

@iceprincessilya
how do you think he celebrated?

@shanesrightnipple
with 9 inches

@shanesleftnip
BROTHER 🫣

Shane very pointedly ignores the looks and the heavy silence as he makes his way to his own stall. He pulls on a shirt, wincing just a little at the uncomfortable twinge in his shoulder at the movement. He grabs his coat and all but shoves his arms into the sleeves.

“You all act like you did not know,” Ilya says suddenly, loudly.

Groaning, Shane glances over his shoulder to see his husband looking suitably smug at his own stall. He catches Shane's eye and winks at him.

“Y'know, people call Shane the GOAT for a reason,” Harris calls from where he is standing by Troy.

“Harris!” Bood chides with a loud laugh.

The unconscious way Shane has been holding his shoulders relaxes at the sound. He, for a moment, worried someone would say something worse. That there would be hushed whispers and judgemental snickers. But, no. He wasn't in Montreal anymore. No one here cares that he's gay. No one cares that he's married to a man – married to Ilya.

No one here cares that he regularly has sex with his very gifted husband.

Shane shakes his head and grabs his bag. He walks over to Ilya and wordlessly holds the bag out for him to take, which he does with an overly fond smile on his face.

“C'mon, baby,” Shane says, turning to head out the door.

He doesn't have to look back to know that Ilya is following. He knows his husband will be steps behind.

The playful whipping sounds, and wolf whistles just reaffirm what he knows.

Chapter End Notes

This idea has been in my head since the beginning tbh

Chapter 26: Beside the obvious...

Chapter Summary

ILYA: (laughs) That is mean, Harris. You cannot ask Shane this.

HARRIS: (off camera) It's only a joke, Roz.

ILYA: Harris. If you have even a tiny bit of love for me in your heart, you will not ask my husband this question.

Chapter Notes

Hi. Hello. Welcome.

Enjoy.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
We are obviously ready to play Minnesota!

[The video begins just beyond the tunnel of the Ottawa Centaurs's training facility. Players are leaving the rink, making their way back toward the dressing room.]

HARRIS: (off camera) Bood. Besides the obvious, what would you change about yourself?

BOOD: The obvious?!

BOYLE: (laughs loudly) Damn!

BOOD: What's the obvious?

BOYLE: That's crazy. (walks away, still laughing).

BOOD: Harris. What's the obvious?

HARRIS: (off camera) Besides the obvious, what would you change about yourself?

HAAS: Change? Uh, well…

LaPOINTE: Aht, pause. The obvious?

HARRIS: (off camera) Yeah (chuckles).

LaPOINTE: Not nice, Harris. (laughs)

HAAS: Wait, what?

HAAS: You are being mean today, Harris. (smiles, shakes head)

ILYA: You look like you are plotting something.

HARRIS: (off camera) Besides the obvious, what would you change about yourself?

ILYA: (laughs) That is mean, Harris. You cannot ask Shane this.

HARRIS: (off camera) It's only a joke, Roz.

ILYA: Harris. If you have even a tiny bit of love for me in your heart, you will not ask my husband this question.

HARRIS: (off camera) What's the worst that could happen?

ILYA: His sweet, beautiful brain will spiral and I have plans tonight, Harris. Sexy plans. Do not ruin my sexy plans.

HARRIS: (off camera) Besides the obvious, what would you change about yourself?

CHOUINARD: I don't know. Maybe be a little taller.

DYKSTRA: I'm allergic to bananas. It'd be cool not to be.

BOOD: He asked ‘beside the obvious’. Which means there is obviously something wrong that you should change.

HARRIS: (off camera) Bood, you are no fun!

DYKSTRA: Harris!

CHOUINARD: Not nice!

HARRIS: (off camera) Shane. What are your plans for after practice?

SHANE: That's your question?

HARRIS: (off camera) Yup.

SHANE: (grins and blushes) Nothing.

HARRIS: (off camera) Beside the obvious, what would you change about yourself?

YOUNG: It's gotta be the red hair, right?

BARRETT: (rolls eyes) I can't believe you actually picked this question.

YOUNG: Huh?

HARRIS: (off camera) You're ruining my fun, Troy.

BARRETT: He asked ‘beside the obvious’.

YOUNG: Oh! Hey! What's the obvious?

HARRIS: (off camera) Beside the obvious, what would you change about yourself?

HOLMBERG: Excuse you? I'm perfect.

HAYES: Loving the self confidence of youth. I wanna be Batman.

HOLMBERG: Wow, Hazy's just out here wishing his parents were dead. Wild.

HAYES: Shut up (laughs).

[The video ends as the two of them walk off toward the dressing room talking and laughing.]

@speckledrozy
[A screenshot from the video of Ilya pointing with the text ‘Sexy Plans’]

@gaytheprayaway
💅💅

@slammeddownboodstyle
love bood being so annoyed that he came back out of the locker room

@layoungbergtriplets
Aw Jordy we love your red hairrrrrr

@centraurtrashhh
You think Hollzy knows about those sexy plans lolol

@shanesfreckles
[Screenshot of Shane's flustered expression after being asked about his plans for the evening.]

@oleoleoleohey
Hollander really does look happier in Ottawa, huh? I wish he coulda stayed in MTL but I'm glad he's got his husband and good friends over there on the Centaurs

@centsandsensibility
Shhh leave those losers and join us over here it's more fun

@dykesfordykstra
Not Dykstra and Chewy answering without even thinking about it 🤦🏽‍♀️

@Centaurfuge
Not Bood walking back out half dressed like “AND ANOTHER THING ☝️”

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Wouldn't change a thing about this game 😜

[A video showing Felix LaPointe scoring off a rebound shot from Shane Hollander that bounced off the goal post, Jordan Young racing down the ice way ahead of anyone else to catch a loose puck and shoot it for a goal between the legs of Minnesota's goalie, and Ilya Rozanov catching a pass from Shane Hollander without even looking before firing off a backhand shot to score on a power play.]

@montrealforever
Not a thing?
[A gif of Shane Hollander getting hit hard into the boards, he takes several seconds to get up and reorient himself]

@shanebuglife
[Gif of Shane Hollander beating the shit out of Stedlund during the last MTL/OTT game.]

@Ms.Vicky.Young.
So proud of you, Jordan! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ That's my GRANDSON

@jordypordypuddingpie
Not Nana Vicky make me cry out here in the club

A low, appreciative groan escapes Shane's lips before he can even register the sound. He is a puddle of a man beneath the comforting weight of Ilya straddled across his thighs, knees bracketing his hips, and his large hands working miracles across his back and shoulders. Shane has long since lost track of time– somewhere between the torturously slow make-out session on the couch and the first drip of warm massage oil on his back.

The tenderness in his shoulder is all but gone and all he can feel is every point of contact between his and Ilya’s bodies.

“Feel good, lyubimyy?” Ilya asks in a low voice, lips pressed right behind Shane's ear.

Shane can only groan again, barely nodding his head.

“Love when you're like this,” Ilya says, working his hands lower to the dimples at the base of Shane's spine.

“Pliant and nonresponsive?” Shane mumbles, voice slightly muffled by the pillow beneath his head.

Ilya chuckles softly. He presses his thumbs into the dimples above Shane's ass, making Shane groan even louder. His body tries to roll into the pressure, but he is pinned beneath Ilya’s body weight. It sends an electric jolt through Shane's entire body.

“I love when you feel good and get to only think about that,” Ilya explains. His lips brush across the top of Shane's shoulder and make their way to the back of his neck.

Shane hums, low and drawn out, “Mm, I'm sure you could make me feel even better.”

Ilya nips softly at the back of Shane's neck, his fingers finding the waistband of his boxer briefs, “Oh, I plan on it.”

Chapter End Notes

I had to debate with myself if I was going to up the rating for this one but I like the glimpses and imagination. I'll just write actual smut elsewhere lolol

Chapter 27: For Science

Chapter Summary

@shanesfreckles
hollanov is hoarding all that ass in one home!?!?

@rozanderrr
This is the greed they talk about in the bible

Chapter Notes

It's the Centaurs turn to do the booty barbell challenge!

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
We're just making sure that we are up to the test of our upcoming west coast roadie.

[The video begins by sweeping into the training room at the Ottawa Centaurs' training facility.]

HOLMBERG: Ready, Hazy?

HAYES: (laughs) This is so stupid. How did you rope me into this?

YOUNG: Right place, right time, baby! Now, are you ready?!

HAYES: (sighs) Yeah, I guess so.

HOLMBERG: Hazy's got a booty!

YOUNG: Are we categorizing our results? ‘Cause like, no offense Hazy, but you're not gonna match up to Cap or Hollzy.

HARRIS: (off camera) Or Troy.

YOUNG: (points at the camera) Or Barrett.

HOLMBERG: Maybe we do a full-stop, mid-stop, and no-stop. Hazy is a mid stop.

HAYES: Me and my mid-stop ass are leaving.

HOLMBERG: If you see anyone else, send them here. We've got data to collect.

YOUNG: Ready, LP?

LaPOINTE: I guess?

HOLMBERG: That's the confidence we love to see!

HAAS: (looks at the camera) Whose idea was this?

HARRIS: (off camera) They were already setting this up when I walked by and they told me to get the camera.

HOLMBERG: We know what the people want.

LaPOINTE: Barbells running into asses?

YOUNG: Butts, Feli! People love hockey butts. Why do you think people show up an hour early to watch Hollzy frog stretch at center ice?

LaPOINTE: I like that you specifically chose him as the example.

YOUNG: Am I wrong? I'm straight but I've got eyes, my man.

HARRIS: (off camera) Nah, you're right.

HAAS: He has a nice butt.

LaPOINTE: You've trapped me in an unwinnable situation where I disagree or say nothing, thus insulting Hollzy. Or, I agree and Cap skins me alive for talking about Hollzy's ass.

HOLMBERG: Let's get this going then!

YOUNG: Booty!

HOLMBERG: Mid-stop. (rolls the bar back)

LaPOINTE Okay, cariño, it's your turn. (gestures to Luca)

YOUNG: Ready, Haasy?

HAAS: (thumbs up) Go ahead.

HOLMBERG: That's a full stop!

YOUNG: Booty booty booty booty rockin’ everywhere!

HAAS: Okay! (laughs) Enough.

SHANE: What is all of this?

HOLMBERG: So glad you asked!

YOUNG: We are conducting research as to who has the juiciest booty on the Centaurs.

HARRIS: (off camera) (mumbles) Jesus Christ.

BARRETT: Why aren't the two of you on the board? (points to the mirror where the results are written)

HOLMBERG: We are impartial observers.

BOYLE: Or you're both built like hockey sticks and know you'd lose.

YOUNG: Shut up. Who wants to go next?

SHANE: (checks his watch) I have to leave soon for an appointment. I'll go if only so I can go see Lauri before I leave.

HOLMBERG: Shane Hollander, Come on down! Lay down right here.

ILYA: Does there really need to be a test about this? I am expert. Is a great ass.

YOUNG: Booty!

HOLMBERG: We should move Luca down, honestly.

HAAS: Hey!

DYKSTRA: He really did a hit and run, huh?

BOOD: Both him and his butt bounced.

BARRETT: Still seeks a bit unfair that you two aren't participating.

YOUNG: When you create the experiment, you create the rules.

HARRIS: (off camera) Babe, just lay down and let them roll the bar at your butt.

YOUNG: Thaaaaaat's a booty.

HARRIS: (off camera) Yeah it is.

HOLMBERG: Ready?

DYKSTRA: Yeah, yeah. Just go.

YOUNG: Ooooh. (sucks teeth) That's not a booty.

HOLMBERG: Had to be someone.

YOUNG: Alright, Cap, you ready?

ILYA: Yes, of course.

BOOD: Damn (laughs).

BOYLE: There is, frankly, too much ass in that relationship.

ILYA: (winks at camera) No such thing.

[The video ends on a shot of Jordan updating the list on the mirror, drawing a circle around Ilya’s name.]

@gaytheprayaway
CARIÑO?!?!?!?!?

@layoungbergtriplets
Those string beans would get smacked in the back of the head by that barbell 🤣

@ourboytroy
🍑🩷🍑🩷🍑🩷🍑

@shanesfreckles
hollanov is hoarding all that ass in one home!?!?

@rozanderrr
This is the greed they talk about in the bible

@theresascreencapforthat
[A screenshot of Hank Hill's flat ass from King of the Hill]

@dykesfordykstra
noooooo 🤣🤣

@chuckismydad
i gotta know what the hr department for this team is like

@morelikecanadawet
What are the odds that Roz makes the kids do sprints for talking so casually about his husband's ass?

@Rozanov81✅️
💯

@morelikecanadawet
sIR?!

@gingerbreadyoung
Someone get these boys some lab coats so they can continue on with their booty science!

@lapointesobreheilo
just the casual pet name??? cool cool cool 😭💛

When Shane arrives home after his therapist appointment, he spots two vehicles in the driveway that do not belong to him or Ilya. The first is obviously Harris's truck. The other is a nondescript SUV that could belong to almost anyone. The only hint Shane gets is the player parking pass in the window. He parks his own SUV in the garage and makes his way inside.

Anya is the first to greet him. The sound of her nails on the floor announce her before he comes bounding around the corner.

“Hello, little lady,” Shane coos as he crouches down to pet her.

“Shanya?” Ilya’s voice calls out.

With a soft sigh, Shane stands upright and shuffles further into the house. In the kitchen, he sees Troy and Harris standing at the island while Felix and Luca are seated in stools at the raised bar. Shane pauses, blinking rapidly as he attempts to adjust to the sudden company.

“Lyubimyy! You are home,” Ilya says excitedly. He walks around the island and wraps his arms snugly around Shane's middle, holding him close and pressing a quick kiss to his hair.

Shane smiles softly, “I didn't know that the queer hockey union was meeting here tonight.”

Felix snorts back a laugh as he is sipping his drink. He clamps a hand over his mouth and nose as Luca hands him a napkin with a fond smile.

“We couldn't have a meeting without the eldest member, Scott Hunter,” Ilya chuckles.

“Of course not. How silly of me.”

Ilya leads Shane further into the kitchen, only pulling away in order to get him a cold can of Ginger Ale from the refrigerator. Shane happily accepts the can before cracking the top and taking a sip.

“Harris and Troy picked up dinner on the way over. It's from that little Russian place we like so much. LaPointe and Luca wanted to talk so… I did text you,” Ilya explains as he goes to the cabinet to pull out plates.

Shane reaches into his pocket to take out his phone. There are, in fact, a few unread texts from Ilya. “I silenced it before my appointment and didn't look at it on the way home,” he says with a shrug. He opens the messages, skimming them, just to get rid of the obnoxious little notification bubble.

He sets the device face down on the counter.

Ilya takes Shane's elbow and leads him toward the dining room. He sets down a plate and pulls out a chair for Shane, making him blush a little. “You're ridiculous,” he mumbles before kissing Ilya’s cheek. He takes his eat and looks at the plate in front of him. Kotleti and pelmeni he recognizes immediately.

Troy, Harris, Felix, and Luca all trickle in with their own plates and drinks.

“What kind is this?” Shane asks, picking up his fork.

Ilya steps into the room and takes the seat right beside Shane. “I put pike kotleti and mushroom pelmeni on your plate,” he explains, dropping a kiss to Shane's shoulder.

“Thank you,” he says softly, grinning to himself.

“Shane wasn't wrong. This does sort of feel like the queer hockey avengers,” Troy says before popping a pelmeni of his own into his mouth.

Luca shakes his head with a small smile, “I am sure you all saw the posts from Boston.”

“Whaaaat? Nooo,” Harris exaggerates, biting back a grin.

Felix glances over to Luca, and then back to the other men at the table, “You guys are all in various states of being out and in public and we are…”

“Baby gays,” Harris supplies.

Ilya points his fork at Harris with a shit-eating grin, “My son is bi like his papa. How dare you.”

A small groan escapes Luca, and Felix lays a hand over his where it rests on top of the table. Shane smiles to himself at the sight before going back to his own dinner.

“I've never not been out,” Luca says with a shrug. He squeezes Felix's hand and leans back in his chair. “It was never a thing for me. And I don't really want it to be, I guess. But if we don't say something then it'll all be a mess on social media.”

Shane snorts back a laugh, “That's putting it lightly.”

There is a shared, almost sad chuckle that goes around the table. Ilya lays a hand on Shane's knee, squeezing it softly.

Harris takes a moment to finish chewing what is in his mouth and sets down his fork. “It's completely up to you guys. No one should decide for you what you say about who you are or who you're in a relationship with. If you don't care about people online continuing to speculate, then who cares? If you want to say something then I would be more than happy to help you figure that out.”

Luca smiles, “Really?”

Troy nods toward Harris, “He's very good at this.”

“Okay. Yeah, cool,” Felix agrees with a nod of his own.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Everyone has their travel buddies! West coast here we come!

[A video showing members of the Ottawa Centaurs sitting on a plane. Jordan Young and Pete Holmberg sit side by side, each holding a Nintendo Switch. Zane Boodram and Nick Chouinard are sitting together playing cards on the tray table. Troy Barrett and Wyatt Hayes are beside one another each holding a comic book. Evan Dykstra and Josh Boyle are sitting together, both asleep with eye masks on. Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov are sitting close to one another, their hands are clasped and Shane's head is on Ilya’s shoulder as they watch a movie on an ipad. Felix LaPointe and Luca Hass are next to each other, they each have one wired headphone in an ear while Luca is turned away with his back pressed to Felix's front while he holds an ipad up for the both of them to see.]

@lahaasarmy
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

@haasboss
Oh okay 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

@gaytheprayaway
Nobody look at me 😭

Chapter End Notes

I might be a little delirious from the heat and broken ac but here we are 🤲 love y'all

Chapter 28: ...if you didn't play hockey

Chapter Summary

ILYA: (gasps) Barrett! Your boyfriend is being mean to me!

BARRETT: (off camera) I'm not involved!

Chapter Notes

Welcome to: Giving Felix and Shane an existential crisis.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
We are reflecting as we get ready for San Jose 🤔

[The video begins outside in a sunny parking lot before sweeping inside of an open door and hurrying through a sped up trip around the back corridors of an arena. Eventually a Visitors door is pushed open.]

HARRIS: (off camera) Luca, what would you be doing if you didn't play hockey?

HAAS: (looks up, blinks quickly) Uh… I don't know. I would probably be going to school in Switzerland.

HARRIS: (off camera) Studying what?

HAAS: (shrugs) Probably art.

HARRIS: (off camera) Jordy, what would you be doing if you didn't play hockey?

YOUNG: Oooh… Finishing school. Probably working with my Nana at her bakery.

HOLMBERG: (off camera) Nana Vicky owns a bakery and you've never shared with us?!

ILYA: (off camera) Heathen.

YOUNG: (sighs) Next time she visits, I'll ask her to bring treats.

HARRIS: (off camera) D, what would you be doing if you didn't play hockey?

DYKSTRA: Hm. I used to want to be a park warden as a kid. Or something at a national park like on the fire crew. That would be cool.

HAYES: (off camera) The mountain man from Manitoba!

HARRIS: (off camera) What about you, Hazy?

HAYES: Oh, man. Probably something to do with comic.

LaPOINTE: (off camera)Nerd!

HAYES: (laughs) Yeah. Maybe I'd have my own shop or I'd like to write one someday! Luca and I could do it!

LaPOINTE: (off camera)Do what, now?!

HARRIS: (off camera) What would you do if you didn't play hockey, Felix?

LaPOINTE: Not play hockey?

HARRIS: (off camera) Yeah. If you didn't get into hockey, what kind of job would you do?

LaPOINTE: (blank stare, brows wrinkle) I… Not hockey?

HAAS: (off camera)Oh. (coos) Schatzi.

HARRIS: (off camera) Roz. What would you do if you didn't play hockey?

ILYA: (pulls on his shirt) Ah. Formula 1. I would be the best driver.

HARRIS: (off camera) I've ridden in your car. I don't know if ‘best’ is the word I would use.

ILYA: (gasps) Barrett! Your boyfriend is being mean to me!

BARRETT: (off camera) I'm not involved!

HARRIS: (off camera) What would you do if you didn't play hockey?

BOOD: Maybe a chef of some kind. Or own a restaurant. I really love food and love cooking.

BOYLE: (off camera) And we love to eat what you cook!

HARRIS: (off camera) (chuckles) Bergy, what would you do if you didn't play hockey?

HOLMBERG: Oh, man. If I didn't play hockey… growing up my mom always said that my back up plan should be, like, finance or law or something like that so I can, y'know, support the family.

HARRIS: (off camera) Is that what you would want to do, though?

HOLMBERG: ...I don't know. (shakes head) Maybe I'd write a book.

HARRIS: (off camera) That's a good choice, Bergs.

HARRIS: (off camera) What about you, Shane? What would you do if you didn't play hockey?

SHANE: (slowly lowers water bottle) Uh… um, well…

ILYA: (off camera) Harris! You broke my husband!

HARRIS: (off camera) Your turn, bud. What would you do if you didn't play hockey?

BARRETT: Boring and mildly depressing answer– I'd probably be working for my dad's company in Vancouver. (grimances)

HARRIS: (off camera) Well, thank god for hockey.

BARRETT: (smiles) Definitely.

HARRIS: (off camera) Gentlemen, (chuckles) What would you do if you didn't play hockey?

BOYLE: Oh, tough question.

CHOUINARD: I was really into animals as a kid and wanted to be a zookeeper or something.

BOYLE: (laughs) I could definitely see you doing that.

CHOUINARD: What about you?

BOYLE: Maybe a teacher. My mom taught at the school for the deaf that my brother went to. I think I'd like to do that.

[The video ends on a side by side shot of both Felix LaPointe and Shane Hollander-Rozanov looking very confused and overwhelmed as they struggle to answer the question before fading to black.]

@trinisunshine
Please Zane Boodram, open a Trini restaurant near Ottawa 🙏🏾 I will make the drive!

@shanesfreckles
Hollzy fully shut down lol

@shanesleftnip
The man has been skating since he could walk! You think he ever even entertained a career that wasn't “be #1 in the NHL”????

@gaytheprayaway
Help I don't speak German was it german? What did Luca say to LP????

@lapointeliebling
It was German! Schatzi is a pet name for romantic partners or small children. It means like honey or sweetheart or darling.

@gaytheprayaway
SOMEBODY SEDATE ME

@centsandsensibility
Every time I learn something new about Poptart, I am blown away by how cool and chill he is

@DandQ
If Wyatt wants to talk about publishing a comic, we at Drawn and Quarterly are here to listen!

@layoungbergtripleta
ok but bergy's first answer hurt my heart a bit? why was his mom telling a kid that his back up should be to support the family????

@dykesfordykstra
one of us one of us

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
On second thought… I think we'll stick to playing hockey 😜

[A video highlighting the Ottawa Centaurs playing in San Jose. Troy Barrett scores a beautiful one timer off a pass from Zane Boodram in the first period. Shane Hollander-Rozanov scores on a pass from Ilya Rozanov-Hollander during a power play in the second. In the third, Jordan Young and Pete Holmberg both score in rapid succession securing a 4 to 2 win for Ottawa.]

Shane can feel the thumping bass in the soles of his feet, as well as rattling around in his ribcage. The music is too loud and the lights are simultaneously too bright and too low all at the same time. His body is teetering on the edge of exhaustion and overstimulation, but the heavy touch of Ilya’s hands at his hips are a grounding tether keeping him from flying apart.

Ilya’s chest is strong and solid against Shane's back as his lips suck decadent kisses across the top of his shoulder to reach the fluttering pulse in Shane's neck. Ilya's teeth nip sharply at Shane's ear lobe, making him shiver and press his hips back against Ilya's own winding hips.

Shane can't bring himself to care if he looks silly, or if anyone is watching them.

The only thing he cares about is the way Ilya's hand is splaying across his stomach and their bodies have all but melded into one.

“Mm, do you want to go back to hotel?” Ilya pants against Shane's neck.

Shane groans and reaches a hand up to thread his fingers into his husband's sweat-damp curls. His eyes flutter shut as his other hand lays warm and heavy over white Ilya's hand is not so subtly gliding toward the waist of his pants.

“Shouldn't we… be responsible and keep… an eye on Luca and Felix?” Shane stammers. His train of thought starts and stops with each grind of Ilya’s hips against his ass.

Ilya chuckles, sucking at the junction of Shane's neck and shoulder, “Harris and Troy are watching them. C'mon, Hollander, I want to fuck you.”

Hockey Gossip | @puckbuzz
🚨The boys are hitting the town🚨
After their win against San Jose, several members of the Ottawa Centaurs were spotted out at a bay area gay club enjoying themselves – especially the First Husbands of Hockey themselves Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov.

[Photo 1: Shane Hollander-Rozanov, Ilya Rozanov-Hollander, Luca Haas, Felix LaPointe, Troy Barrett, and Harris Drover are all standing outside of a club talking. Photo 2: A shaky photo taken at the bar, Shane is standing at the bar with Ilya beside him with his hand tucked into the back pocket of Shane's pants. Photo 3: Sitting in a booth, Shane has a leg draped over one of Ilya’s while pulling him close by the front of his shirt. They aren't kissing but their mouths are close and they're both smiling. Photo 4: On the dance floor, Ilya is plastered to Shane's back and kissing at his neck while Shane has a hand buried in Ilya’s hair. Photo 5: Shane and Ilya kissing against the building outside looking sweaty and disheveled. Photo 6: Ilya laying a smack to Shane's ass as he climbs into the back of a black SUV.]

@hollanovonmyknob
They're both so hot??? How is this fair???

@freebostonroz
He's still got it!

@montreal4real
What a disgusting display no one wants to see that

@shanesrightnipple
Speak for yourself mate

@ottawasted
Yes how dare two 30 year old married people show any affection in public THE SCANDAL

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading and commenting and all the support. I love yall.

Chapter 29: Bull Ring

Chapter Summary

HARRIS: (off camera) Oh. He's going to win isn't he?

ILYA: Without doubt.

YOUNG: Should I look away? I feel like I should look away.

Chapter Notes

Welcome home, Cowboy Shane.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
LA, you are in for quite the ride!

[The video begins in a small bar. There is music playing with a heavy bass line, and the lights are low. The walls are cluttered with vintage alcohol advertisements, music memorabilia, and framed newspaper headlines. Behind the bar is a large pride flag. In the middle of the room is a mechanical bull.]

CHOUINARD: I'm not doing it.

BOOD: C'mon, Chewy!

DYKSTRA: Don't be a wet blanket.

CHOUINARD: (sips beer) Do you wanna explain to Lauri why my hip got messed up even after all the physio and PT she's put me through?

YOUNG: Lauri low key scares me.

HOLMBERG: Lauri high key scares me.

BOOD: (nods at Jordan and Bergy) Makes you feel old, huh?

CHOUINARD: At least I came out tonight unlike Poptart.

YOUNG: Keep Poptart's name out of your mouth! His little Bites wanted to talk to him!

DYKSTRA: I am also going to sit this one out. I tweaked my elbow in San Jose and I'm not telling coach that I can't play because you all wanted to ride a mechanical bull.

HOLMBERG: Boo this man!

YOUNG: Boo!

HARRIS: (off camera) Okay, Nick and Evan are out. Anyone else bailing?

HAYES: No way! Put me in coach!

HARRIS: (off camera) How long do you think he'll last?

BOOD: (laughs) Ten seconds.

CHOUINARD: Five.

YOUNG: I believe in Hazy! I say thirty.

HOLMBERG: I don't– ten.

DYKSTRA: I'll give him fifteen.

ILYA: (off camera) What is going on here?

HARRIS: (off camera) They're seeing who can ride the longest.

ILYA: (off camera) Where is Shanya?

DYKSTRA: Okay, Hazy!

BOOD: (clapping) Atta boy!

HAYES: That felt so much longer than eleven seconds.

YOUNG: (grins) Poor Dr. Lisa.

HARRIS: (off camera) Okay, okay. Whose next?

BOOD: I'll go.

HARRIS: (off camera) Any guesses?

CHOUINARD: Twelve seconds.

HAYES: Rude! (laughs) I'll say fifteen.

DYKSTRA: I'm gonna go with thirteen.

YOUNG: Fifteen!

HOLMBERG: Fourteen!

HAYES: Not last!

YOUNG: Me next! Me next!

HOLMBERG: He's making it like 7 seconds, yeah?

CHOUINARD: If that.

DYKSTRA: I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say 10.

HAYES: Those twiggy little legs would snap.

BOOD: Nah, he's got at least eight.

YOUNG: You're all mean!

CHOUINARD: Oooh, tough break.

YOUNG: (stands up) I'm just too tall. My center of gravity isn't right for this.

DYKSTRA: (laughs) Okay, kid.

YOUNG: Barrett! You should go next.

BARRETT: I am not riding that monstrosity.

HARRIS: (off camera) Boo. No fun.

BARRETT: (sighs) Okay, fine.

HARRIS: (off camera) Yes!

DYKSTRA: I bet he'll make it to at least fifteen.

LaPOINTE: What's the best so far?

HOLMBERG: Hazy got 11 seconds.

LaPOINTE: This feels like the failings of a bunch of straight guys.

HAAS: (shocked laugh) Fefe! (playfully slaps his chest)

HARRIS: (off camera) No, he's right. Don't send a straight to do a queers job.

HARRIS: (off camera) Good job, bud!

ILYA: (claps) Way to go, Barrett.

HAYES: Okay, Bergy, it's your go.

HOLMBERG: I'm gonna crush this, just watch.

LaPOINTE: He's going to fall off right away, yeah?

HAAS: Oh, absolutely.

ILYA: Give him some credit, you don't know. He could be very good.

SHANE: Do you really believe that?

ILYA: Yes. No. Probably not.

HARRIS: (off camera) Hey, still better than Jordy.

YOUNG: Dude!

BOOD: Roz, you should go.

ILYA: Why would I go when I already know who is the best rider here? (grins, tossing an arm over Shane's shoulders)

SHANE: Ilya!

[SH: (Fast paced Russian that Harris cannot translate, Sorry :(! )]

HAAS: (finishes drink) I'll go.

LaPOINTE: (slides the glasses up to rest on top of his head) You got it, baby!

CHOUINARD: Tabarnak!

DYKSTRA: Damn, Haas.

LaPOINTE: That's my man!

HAAS: (laughs) Okay, your turn.

HOLMBERG: Yeah! Go LP!

BARRETT: Is this going to be one of those instances where he is immediately humbled, or where he is going to be weirdly very good at this?

HAYES: Whose to say, really?

ILYA: Probably Luca.

HARRIS: (off camera) (laughs) Weirdly good, then.

BARRETT: (snorts) Apparently.

DYKSTRA: Good job, LP!

HAAS: You did great, Schatzi.

LaPOINTE: (grins) Thank you.

BOOD: Okay, Roz. Stop stalling!

ILYA: I still think it is pointless for me to go when Shanya is right here, but he will only go if I go first.

BARRETT: What do you think his odds are, Shane?

SHANE: (sips drink) He is pretty skilled with his hips so who knows.

ILYA: You all heard that!

HAAS: Whoa.

LaPOINTE: Okay.

BARRETT: Holy…

HARRIS: (off camera) ...shit.

ILYA: Your turn, Малыш.

HARRIS: (off camera) Oh. He's going to win isn't he?

ILYA: Without doubt.

YOUNG: Should I look away? I feel like I should look away.

ILYA: Shanya! Where did you switch from ginger ale to real drink?!

CHOUINARD: Câlisse!

HOLMBERG: Oh, my god?

BOOD: This is wild.

SHANE: Did I win?

[The video ends as the camera sweeps away from a grinning Shane, still wearing the cowboy hat, to the wide-eyed faces of the rest of the team.]

@centaurbonkpatrol
I don't know if I'm strong enough for this thread

@makeitmakecents
Alexa, play Pony by Genuwine

@cowboyshane
I HAVE BEEN SITTING ON THIS NAME FOR YEARS AND IT IS FINALLY RELEVANT

@ontariobabe
i have nothing appropriate to say

@gettolapointe
Félix y Lucaaaaa 😍😍😍

@barrettallbb
i will never be normal about anything in this video

@ottawapridee
Oop 💅🏳️‍🌈

@rararozanov
I wish roz would grip my head with his thighs like that 🥵

@centaurbonkpatrol
BONK! Straight to horny jail with you!

@rararozanov
Y'know what that's completely fair

@gaytheprayaway
🫣🫣🤯🫣🫣

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Sorry, LA, this isn't our first rodeo 🤠

[Highights from the game featuring a goal by Zane Boodram off an assist from Ilya Rozanov in the first period, followed quickly by another goal by Troy Barret with an assist from Zane Boodram. Wyatt Hayes leaned backwards in a full split to grab a puck out of the air before it could cross the line. Shane Hollander hopping over a LA player knocked down by Evan Dykstra before skating off with the puck to score with a fierce slapshot. The video ends on the bench cheering loudly as the game ends 3 to 1.]

@crazy4hazy
Holy hell! What a save from Hayes!!!!

@cennyforyourthots
Love the first line like “After you” “no after you” “no I insist” 💀

@bblshaney
Such a wild fucking time lolol

Ilya nods at the bartender as he picks up the water and ginger ale. He has no idea when Shane switched to actual alcohol or how much he'd had to drink but he knows that it is time for him to stop or else he would be very angry come morning time. Ilya weaves through the bar, eyes scanning faces as he passes.

He spots Shane eventually at a table with Luca and Felix, still wearing that stupid cowboy hat.

Maybe he could convince Shane to wear it later in bed.

Shaking his head, Ilya makes his way to the table. Just as he gets there, he is able to pick up the end of what Shane is saying.

“...called bottoming fever.”

Ilya makes a surprised sound, drawing the attention of the three men at the table.

“Ilya!” Shane calls excitedly, reaching a hand out. Ilya lets Shane pull him into the booth beside him and sets the drinks on the table.

“What in the world are you talking about?” Ilya asks, brows furrowed.

LaPointe chuckles and shakes his head, “Bottoming fever, apparently.”

“Is that when you need me to fuck you so bad you act crazy?” Ilya teases with a smirk.

Shane huffs and pinches Ilya’s side sharply, making him flinch and hiss. “No. It is a real thing. Sometimes after particularly rough… activity or too much friction you can get flu like symptoms for a day after as your body tried to heal micro-trauma to the… lining,” Shane explains, exasperated.

He must have had more to drink than Ilya initially thought to be so openly discussing this type of thing. Ilya purses his lips and blinks slowly at his husband.

“You've experienced this… fever?”

Shane shrugs and reaches for the water. He takes a long sip and glances back across the table. Ilya almost completely forgot about Luca and Felix.

“A couple times,” Shane mumbles.

Luca exhales, “I thought I was dying after my first time because I suddenly had chills and almost a 39 degree fever. Good to know it's a thing, at least.”

Ilya gives a wry smile, “Yes. Thank goodness for Hollander's health class. I am going to take my husband back to the hotel. Boys, be safe and get back on time.”

He doesn't leave much room for argument before he slides from the booth, pulling Shane along with him. He wraps an arm around Shane's waist and kisses his temple, having to heavily tilt his head to get beneath the brim of his hat.

“Let's go, cowboy.”

Chapter End Notes

This got away from me lolol

Chapter 30: Captain's Vlog

Chapter Summary

SHANE: I quit. I'm leaving this team.

WIEBE: (off camera). You're on a five year no trade contract, Hollander!

Chapter Notes

Good thing this isn't real because no real socials team would allow Ilya to do this.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
In case anyone was wondering, our Captain is an even bigger menace off the ice (especially if you're married to him).

[The video begins, rather shakily, in the visitor dressing room in Los Angeles. Members of the Ottawa Centaurs are all in various states of putting on their game day suits after their win.]

ILYA: (off camera) Hello, Shanya.

SHANE: (eyes camera suspiciously) Hello?

ILYA: (off camera) You played very well tonight.

SHANE: Thank you? (grabs suit jacket) What is this? What are you doing?

ILYA: (off camera) I am complimenting my husband after a good game. Is this not allowed?

SHANE: Why are you filming me?

ILYA: (off camera) Now, Shanya, we both know that this is not first ti–

SHANE: Aht!

SHANE: I am going to the bus now.

ILYA: (off camera) Give me your bag.

SHANE: Ilya, I can carry my o–

ILYA: Shanya, I have a very important question.

SHANE: Okay… What is it?

ILYA: Would you… still love me… if I was worm?

SHANE: Would I what?

ILYA: Love me if I was worm!

SHANE: Were you always a worm or did you suddenly become one?

BOOD: (off camera) Hollander!

BOYLE: (off camera) Shaaaane!

HAYES: (off camera) (buzzer sound) Wrong answer!

SHANE: (clearly flustered) What?!

ILYA: So you hate me?

SHANE: What? No!

ILYA: But you would not love me as a worm? You would not make me a little home in a pretty vase and take care of me?

SHANE: (pinches nose bridge, sighs) Ilya…

ILYA: You would not buy me good soil and flowers and feed me special worm food?

SHANE: I quit. I'm leaving this team.

WIEBE: (off camera). You're on a five year no trade contract, Hollander!

ILYA: (off camera) Shanya… psst, Shanya.

SHANE: (eyes still closed) What, Ilyusha?

ILYA: (off camera) What did you think the first time you met me?

SHANE: (sighs) That you were an asshole and shouldn't be smoking where you were.

ILYA: (off camera) Do you want to know what I thought when I first met you?

SHANE: I don't know, do I?

ILYA: (off camera) I thought… who is this very pretty boy with very pretty freckles… and why did he shake my hand twice?

SHANE: Я люблю тебя.

BARRETT: (off camera) (laughs) No PDA on the bus!

SHANE: Just because your boyfriend is asleep doesn't mean you get to be an ass to everyone else!

ILYA: Hollander?

SHANE: Mm?

ILYA: Do you have change for a penny?

SHANE: (slowly lifts head, squints) …We don't even make pennies in Canada anymore.

ILYA: So, answer is no, then?

SHANE: You are sleeping on the floor tonight. (walks toward elevators)

ILYA: (off camera) Shanyaaaa. Wait.

ILYA: (off camera) Shane? Малыш?

SHANE: да?

ILYA: (off camera) If you could choose what I wear tomorrow, what would you pick?

SHANE: Your fucking uniform, preferably.

ILYA: (off camera) (chuckles) And, what is your favorite part of my face?

SHANE: (off camera) Just… here.

ILYA: (whispers) Why there?

SHANE: (off camera) It's where your smile starts. When you're really happy, your face scrunches up right here before your smile takes over your whole face.

ILYA: ...You're not supposed to be so sweet to me when I am trying to bother you.

SHANE: (off camera) You could complain, or we can go to bed?

ILYA: (off camera) Good morning.

HAYES: Hiya Roz.

LaPOINTE: (grins) Morning.

HAAS: Hi.

SHANE: Why are you still filming everything?

ILYA: (off camera) Because you look at me like an angry little kitten when you see the camera.

SHANE: I am going to divorce you.

LaPOINTE: Don't make us children of divorce. Please.

HAYES: Yeah, Hollzy, think of the children!

SHANE: (finishes coffee) I am going up to the room.

ILYA: (off camera) Wait, Hollander, I have one more question for you before game tonight.

ILYA: (off camera) If I get more points than you tonight can I…

SHANE: (smirks) Sure, baby.

[The video ends on a shot of Shane's ass as he walks away from the table.]

@hollanovtilidieanov
I'm sorry… did Roz just insinuate there video of… 👀

@centaurbonkpatrol
BONK! Straight to horny jail with you!

@shanesleftnip
omg I'm in this one!

@shanesrightnipple
BROTHER! ME TOO!

@shanesleftnip
BROTHER

@ilikethatautisticman
Hollander is too practical for the silliness of the worm question I fear

@bodyodyholly
Thank you Ilya Rozanov-Hollander for sharing your husband with the internet 🙏🏾
[Gif of Shane's bare abdomen stretching in the hotel room]

@mrrozanovifyanasty
Is there more footage in the hotel room or…?

@centaurbonkpatrol
BONK! Straight to horny jail with you!

@shilyamyshayla
What do you think Roz was asking for if he got more points??? 👀👀

@centaurbonkpatrol
Do I even have to say it?

@shilyamyshayla
No. No. I'll see myself out.

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
Captain Ilya Rozanov-Hollander really living up to his reputation tonight!

[A highlights video showing Ilya’s two assists and two goals of his own, interspersed with clips of him obviously chirping other players and having the best time.]

@rowdyrozzy
He got more points than Shane 👀👀

@itsholeander
I am gnawing at the bars of my enclosure

@freebostonroz
What a beast!

“What time is our flight tomorrow?” Bergy asks as he fights with his belt.

“Noon,” Evan answers over his shoulder.

Bood claps his hands together with a loud laugh. “So are we going out to celebrate our win, fellas?”

There are several cheers in agreement but Shane doesn't pay it much mind. He can't when he feels Ilya’s eyes on him from across the dressing room. He keeps his own eyes down and focuses on getting his suit on correctly. He is so zeroed in on the task that he hardly even notices the dark figure at the edge of his vision.

“You played well tonight. An assist and a goal. Very impressive,” Ilya’s low voice draws.

Shane can't help but roll his eyes before looking up to see Ilya watching him with narrow, predatory eyes.

“If my math is right, and it usually is, I think that I got more points, yes?”

Scoffing, Shane shakes his head and grabs his tie, “Obviously.”

Across the room, several guys have gathered in a group to make plans for the night. Bood, at the center of the crowd, calls out to Ilya. “Are you coming out, Cap?” he asks in a playful tone.

“Not tonight. Shanya and I have plans.”

Shane tries desperately not to blush as their teammates oooh and awww at them suggestively. He finishes getting dressed and turns to look at Ilya, the other guys already trickling out of the dressing room. Ilya makes a show of dangling his phone between his fingers before sliding it into his own pocket with raised brows.

“Ready to go?”

Shane grins and takes Ilya’s hand, “Let's go.”

Chapter End Notes

I am so jazzed for the next one you have no idea.

Chapter 31: T.R.O.I.R.

Chapter Summary

ILYA: It's cool!

SHANE: No, it's not.

Chapter Notes

This came in at a whopping 9k+ words.
A belated birthday present to the king Ilya Rozanov 🤲

Centaurs Hockey | @OttawaCentaurs
It has been a long time coming…

[The video begins in the CensPlex. The large doors at the end of the rink are open, on the ice is a walkway of rubber mats leading to a podium with a microphone.]

YUNA: Ilya, my favorite son-in-law who also insists on being called my favorite son… welcome to your roast.

YUNA: I say “favorite son” because that’s how I introduce you to people now. Not “my son’s husband" or “the guy who destroyed Shane’s career stats for three consecutive seasons.” No, none of that extra fluff. Just a simple, “This is Ilya, our favorite son.”

YUNA: Shane hates that, by the way. Which is why I keep doing it.

YUNA: Let’s, for a moment, just appreciate the journey that happened to get us all here today. For years, Ilya and Shane were bitter hockey rivals. This is the only time in NHL history that enemies to lovers wasn’t just a trope, it ended in a marriage license.

YUNA: When Shane first came out to us, it was a very efficient afternoon. He showed up at our cottage one summer afternoon and in the span of a single conversation said, “I’m gay, I’m dating someone, and I’m in love. And, by the way, it’s Ilya Rozanov.” All in one breath. No warm-up, no PowerPoint, not even a well laid out pamphlet. It was just, “Hi, your son is gay and in love with his mortal enemy, who you’ve spent years booing on TV.”

YUNA: And there you were, standing there looking both so big and so small all at once.

YUNA: I remember sitting there thinking: “Okay, he’s gay, that's absolutely fine, I love him. He’s dating. How great, I want him happy. He’s in love! Oh, my heart. …WITH WHO? The guy from Boston?! The one I shouted at on the TV? The one I blamed every time Montreal lost? That Ilya Rozanov?!”

YUNA: For a solid minute I was definitely less “supportive mom” and more “furious season ticket holder.”

YUNA: And then I met you, Ilya. Really, truly, met you.

YUNA: Because on top of all that, this man decided to sign with Ottawa to be closer to Shane while Shane was still in Montreal. Ottawa. You left Boston who drafted you, paid you handsomely, and built a franchise around you, so you could be in, what, the same time zone as my son?

YUNA: When you told us you were leaving Boston, I will admit, I didn’t react like a future mother-in-law. I reacted like a life-long Montreal fan calling into sports radio.

YUNA: I literally questioned your loyalty to your face. No hesitation, just questioning your team loyalty over David's pasta. Right. To. Your. Face. (chuckles softly) “Boston drafted you and you’re leaving the second you’re a free agent? After almost a decade?”

YUNA: I had my crazy hockey brain on, not my rational human brain. My hockey brain was screaming, “TRAITOR!”

YUNA: My human brain needed a couple if seconds to catch up and go, “Oh. He’s doing this because he’s in love. Like, in deep, and inconvenient, life altering love.”

YUNA: Because who in their right mind gives up a nearly decade-long career with a city, with large a franchise and a devotde fan base, to go freeze their butt off somewhere even colder just to be closer to one person?

YUNA: A Russian, apparently.

YUNA: You’d think as a Russian, you’d be loyal to whatever country is paying you the most, but no. Instead, you went full romance movie. You basically said to Shane, “I love you so much I will voluntarily move to Ottawa.” That’s not just devotion, or even love, it is truly unsettlingly intense. (quietly sighs, smiles)

YUNA: And that’s the thing with you, Ilya, you look like you’ve been specifically engineered in a lab to terrify opposing teams. You’re this huge Russian with that resting “I will break you” face on the ice. Every time the camera panned to you during a game, I felt like I owed you money. (laughs)

YUNA: But when you're off the ice? You’re the biggest softie in the building.

YUNA: You’re this terrifying professional athlete with a well known reputation, and yet you follow my son around the house like an enormous golden retriever who can check people into the boards hard enough to break the glass.

YUNA: Before he came to Ottawa, you watched every single one of Shane’s games like it was the Stanley Cup Final, even if it was some meaningless mid-season Tuesday game. You'd sit there on my couch, eating ice cream out of the tub, and yelling at the TV in Russian like you were casting a spell on the refs. Sometimes I think it even worked.

YUNA: And I’ll be honest, I was nervous about you at first. I thought I was getting some cold, stoic, distant, maybe even angry guy if rumors and assumptions were tk be believed.

YUNA: Instead, I got a man who laughs at my jokes, eats everything I cook like it’s his last meal, and sends me texts like, “Hi mama, your second favorite son tried to make me quinoa for dinner. Can I come over for pie?”

YUNA: That's a real text I received last month, by the way.

ILYA: I was hungry!

YUNA: You bring that very particular Russian energy to our family too. Like, the way you say exactly what you’re thinking with absolutely no filter. Canadian politeness does not exist for you. If food is good, you say, “This is perfect.” If it’s bad, you go, “This is… interesting. I will eat it, but I will not tell other people you made it.”

YUNA: You insult me and compliment me in the same sentence. That’s how I know you love me.

YUNA: And then there’s how proud you are to be known as “our favorite son.” You did not hesitate even once. The moment I said it one time, you locked it in like a lifelong, no.movement contract. Shane will say something like, “Mom, I scored a hat trick,” and you’ll immediately go, “Yes, but who did Mama call first? Her favorite son.”

YUNA: You are insufferable.

YUNA: And I adore you.

YUNA: You know what finally shut my hockey brain up fir good? Watching what you actually do for Shane. You left a city you lived in for a decade, a team that drafted you, a fan base that worshipped you, just to be closer to him. You knew that meant headlines, drama, people questioning your loyalty, your motives, your sanity... You did it anyway.

YUNA: Because your loyalty isn’t to a logo or a city. It’s to the person you love. It’s to my son – My Shane.

YUNA: Once I stopped being a rabid hockey fan and started just being a mom, it was obvious that you are the most loyal person on the planet. Loyal to a fault, actually. Loyal in a way that makes other people look half-hearted.

YUNA: You didn’t just move teams, Ilya. You moved your whole life. You very calmly decided to uproot your career, routine, everything, because your person was over there and you wanted to be closer to him. You wanted a chance to be with him whenever posible.

YUNA: Who does that? (chuckles) A man I trust with my son’s heart, that’s who does that.

YUNA: So yes, I tease you about being bluntly and stoicly Russian. I give you grief for leaving Boston. I call you our favorite son just to watch Shane’s eye twitch. I came hwre to roast you for being this enormous, terrifying, romantic hockey marshmallow.

YUNA: But under all of that, here’s the truth that I know: You love my son with this steady, unwavering, no-matter-what kind of love. You protect him, you support him, you would cross countries and careers for him, and you already have. You turned from his rival into his teammate in more ways than one.

YUNA: And as a mother, that’s all I could ever want.

YUNA: So, Ilya, on behalf of our whole family I want to tell you thank you for proving me wrong when I questioned your loyalty, for leaving your comfort zone for my kid, for being the man he chose, and for choosing him just as fiercely.

YUNA: You may have broken a few hearts in Boston, but you absolutely won ours.

YUNA: To my favorite son, the Russian who defected from the Raiders for love: We are so, so glad you’re ours.

DAVID: That's a tough act to follow, but I've been doing it for more than 30 years, I don't mind.

DAVID: We’re here tonight to celebrate a very special man: my son-in-law, my other son. Our favorite son, Ilya Rozanov-Hollander.

DAVID: Yes, “our favorite son.” None of that “our favorite son-in-law" nonsense either. No qualifiers. Just favorite. We used to have “our son Shane”. Now, we have “our favorite son, Ilya,” and “that nice boy who brought him home to us.”

DAVID: Let’s start off with how I met this man. And, I don't mean the first time that I shook his hand.

DAVID: I mean the first time I really met Ilya Rozanov…

DAVID: Shane had told us he was going to his cottage for a “silent meditation retreat.” Which, I’ll be honest, I already found suspicious. My son’s idea of self-reflection has always been “watching his own highlights on YouTube.”

DAVID: Anyway, I realized that I left my phone charger at the cottage, so I decided, like a normal, loving parent, to quietly sneak in, grab it, and sneak out. No drama, no problem. Or, so I thought.

DAVID: I tiptoed inside, knowing my charge was in the kitchen. The house was quiet and I thought to myself, “Wow, maybe he really is meditating.” Then I turned the corner, looked out the big back window, and what did I see?

DAVID: My son, pinned against the glass door… In the most un-silent meditation I have ever seen.

DAVID: Shane and Ilya were absolutely going for it, pressed up against that window like a Hallmark movie for people who know what icing is both in hockey and in the bedroom. And Ilya had a full, Olympic level handful of my son’s butt.

DAVID: In the course of one afternoon I found out a few things. One, that my son is gay. Two, he has a boyfriend. And three, his boyfriend has a forechecking game that should be illegal in at least three provinces.

DAVID: That was the day I truly understood what “two-minute holding penalty” meant, even after playing at McGill.

DAVID: And honestly, that’s when I knew he had to be serious about Shane. Because you have to really love someone to risk getting caught by their parents while you’re grabbing both the glass and the ass.

YUNA: (laughs) David!

SHANE: (groans) Dad!

DAVID: Now, of course, I already knew who Ilya Rozanov was. We all did. He wasn’t just “some guy kissing my son.” He was captain of the Boston Raiders. The star forward. The day one, league sanctioned rival.

DAVID: It’s a special kind of humility as a parent when you realize that the man who used to try and publically end your son’s career now calls him “sweetheart” and does the dishes so Shane doesn't have to deal with wet food touching his hands.

DAVID: Let’s talk about Ilya off the ice. Because on the ice, he’s this Russian machine– relentless, terrifying, and the kind of guy who looks at a six-foot defenseman and thinks, 'Snack.'

DAVID: Off the ice? We sit together, read The New Yorker, and do puzzles like two retired professors in a bed-and-breakfast. I never knew “angry Russian hockey god” and “guy who argues about whether the fiction in this week’s New Yorker is overrated” could be the same person. You learn something new everyday, I guess.

DAVID: This man will slam someone into the boards at 48 kilometers an hour, then come over to our house and say, “Did you read the new essay on late Tolstoy? I thought the framing was a bit indulgent.” Buddy, Ilya, you cross-checked a guy so hard last week his grandchildren felt it, but yes, let’s discuss narrative indulgence.

DAVID: Then, there are all of the puzzles. I have never met anyone who attacks a 1,000-piece puzzle with the same intensity he used to attack my son in the playoffs.

DAVID: We find ourselves hunched over the table, sorting edge pieces, and he’s treating it like Game 7 overtime. (very bad Russian accent) “Where is sky piece? I know sky piece is here. I see in my mind.”

DAVID: It’s a landscape of Tuscany, Ilya, (chuckles) not the neutral zone.

DAVID: Which brings me to his most sacred passion. Which is, of course, pasta.

ILYA: Yes!

DAVID: This man loves pasta like Canadians love apologizing. I have watched him carbo-load for a non-athletic day. He will eat enough fettuccine to power a minor league team, then sit down and read a 7,000-word article about urban planning.

DAVID: He talks about cacio e pepe the way some people talk about religion.

DAVID: Ilya’s food pyramid is simple. It's made up of pasta, pasta, articles about pasta, and Shane somewhere at the top as garnish.

DAVID: My favorite thing about him is the combination of intense Russian soul and domestic bliss. He’s Russian, so every casual sentence sounds like the beginning of a Dostoevsky novel.

DAVID: I’ll ask him how practice went, and he’ll just say something like, “It is like life. Painful, boring, and then suddenly you fall in love and it almost makes sense.” Son, I was just checking if you needed an ice pack on that nasty bruise.

DAVID: And of course, there is the grand Hollander family drama, Yuna took one look at him and decided that yes, this one, he's the favorite son.” Not favorite in-law, or simply “we like him a lot.”

DAVID: He got the full promotion with tenure. Corner office with a view.

DAVID: If there were an in-depth ranking chart of our family, it would go:

DAVID: Ilya. Anya. Shane, if he remembers to wear his Reeboks.

SHANE: I'm wearing them now! (lifts foot, showing he is in fact wearing Reeboks)

DAVID: (grins) And you know what? I get it.

DAVID: Because what I see underneath all the jokes, the butt-grabbing, the pasta, the puzzles, and the intense Russian melancholic sighing is a man who truly loves my son ferociously, stubbornly, and without an off switch.

DAVID: I saw it that first day at the cottage, as shocking as it was. What really hit me wasn’t the kissing or the very enthusiastic hand placement.

ILYA: (laughs) I am sorry, David!

DAVID: What got me was the look on both of their faces. The way they looked at each other like the rest of the world had just fully disappeared. Like all of that rivalry, all of that noise, had finally turned into something solid and real.

DAVID: Since that day in 2017, I have been able to watch my son fall even more in love with the person who used to be his worst nightmare, and somehow, that person turned out to be exactly what he needed in his life.

DAVID: So yes, Ilya, we will tease you forever. We will make jokes about the butt grab heard ’round the lake. (chuckles, shakes head) We will roast you for being a terrifying Russian enforcer who does crossword puzzles and complains about The New Yorker’s fiction section. We will remind you that in this family, you skipped the line and went straight to “favorite son” status like some sort of emotional draft pick.

DAVID: But under all of that, here’s the truth, you are kind. You are loyal. You show up. You love my son exactly as he is, in all his chaos, stubbornness, meticulousness, and silent-meditation-retreats-that-are-definitely-not-silent.

DAVID: You have become a part of this family in a way that feels so natural, it’s hard to remember what life was like before you joined us. Other than, you know, a little less pasta.

DAVID: Here’s to you, Ilya Rozanov-Hollander. You terrified me, surprised me, and completely won me over. Take care of my boy, keep bringing your weird, wonderful self to our family, and never stop going after what you want with both hands.

DAVID: Clearly, you’re very good at that.

ILYA: What?! Marly?!

CLIFF: We played Montreal last night, so we made a quick trip over to see you, buddy.

CLIFF: (grins) We are here to roast the one, the only– the Captain of the Ottawa Centaurs, former captain of the Boston Raiders, the bisexual menace to both conference standings and auto insurance premiums: Mr. Ilya Rozanov-Hollander.

CLIFF: Yeah, clap for him, he clearly needs the attention like he needs leather seats and more horsepower.

CLIFF: Ilya, when we first met, you were this terrifying Russian teenager in Boston who barely spoke English but somehow already knew all the swear words and how to order a drink despite being underage in the states.

CLIFF: You’d often show up to practice looking like you’d just walked out of a club, a drag race, and a shootout with the Russian mafia all at once. Full tracksuit energy, like Adidas should’ve been your actual agent.

CLIFF: But let’s talk about the party boy era, shall we?

CLIFF: We used to go out in Boston all the time. We’d hit the clubs, the music’s loud, lights flashing, there’s girls everywhere, and this man– (points) this man– is in the corner of the club, not dancing, not flirting, nothing. Just hunched over his phone like a raccoon over a trash can, furiously texting.

CLIFF: We’re all like, “Bro, what are you doing? There’s literally a bachelorette party grinding on the DJ table.”

CLIFF: He just goes, “Shhh… I am texting Montreal Jane.”

CLIFF: Montreal Jane.

CLIFF: We thought this man had found some mysterious French Canadian goddess. We pictured this tall, curvy, red-lipsticked woman in heels and a dress, whispering “bonjour” and breaking hearts all iver Canada. And then, years later, we find out that “Montreal Jane” is actually… Shane. Shane Hollander.

CLIFF: This man skipped bottle service and a dozen women in Boston to text Canada's golden boy all night! You gotta respect that commitment to bisexual chaos.

ILYA: It's not my fault you all were so stupid!

CLIFF: Young Ilya only cared about one thing more than this mysterious Montreal Jane of hid. His cars. This man loves fast cars and bikes like it’s a competition and the grand prize is firey death.

CLIFF: Ferraris, Lambos, Ducatis– if it’s expensive and capable of turning you into a hood ornament, he’s into it. He’s sold most of his collection by now–thank god–but, man. You’d walk through his garage like, “Wow, how many midlife crises did you pre-order?” It’s like he tried to compensate for not having the best English at 18 by buying an engine for every word he didn’t know yet.

CLIFF: Meanwhile, Shane drives like a guy who checks his blind spot three times and uses his turn signal in an empty parking lot.

CLIFF: Ilya’s like, “I go 180, is fine.” Meanwhile, Shane’s in the passenger seat praying to every god in every language, seatbelt on, helmet on, probably with both of their life insurance policies in his pocket.

CLIFF: It’s the perfect metaphor when you think about it. Ilya is chaos on wheels. Shane is the warranty.

CLIFF: (grins) But my favorite thing is how protective this man is.

CLIFF: On the ice, he’s a monster. Drop of a glove, wrong look at a teammate, and he’s ready to throw hands so fast you’d think they dropped his G-Wagon’s resale value.

CLIFF: Off the ice, he’s pure, unadulterated guard dog energy. You say anything sideways about Shane? Suddenly you’re in a cold room with a large Russian with low lightinghaving a “friendly conversation” about respect.

CLIFF: And you know what's the funniest part? For a dude with that “I will break you” face and attitude, he is so soft for his man. (motions to Shane) Like, he’ll cross-check a grown adult in half and then turn around and carry Shane’s bag and open his water bottle like, “here, sweetheart, hydrate.”

CLIFF: It’s been buck wild watching the transformation in real time.

CLIFF: There was once Boston Roz who showed up late, sometimes still hungover, texting his “Montreal Jane” every time they were in the same place, while smelling like cigarettes and poor life decisions.

CLIFF: Now, we have Ottawa Ilya who is married, has a dog and a skincare routine. Who knows what “communication” and “boundaries” are, and probably has a joint calendar with color-coded events like “game,” “practice,” and “Shane meltdown window.”