Preface
Not a wife, or a girlfriend, but a secret third thing
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at https://archiveofourown.org/works/77739201.
- Rating:
- Teen And Up Audiences
- Archive Warning:
- No Archive Warnings Apply
- Category:
- Gen
- Fandom:
- Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types
- Relationships:
- Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Svetlana Vetrova
- Characters:
- Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Svetlana Vetrova, Several OCs, Boston Bears | Boston Raiders Team Ensemble (Game Changers)
- Additional Tags:
- chat fic, WAG Shane Hollander, Developing Relationship, Developing Friendships, Queerplatonic Relationships, Episode: s01e04 Rose (Heated Rivalry), Autistic Shane Hollander, Asexual Character, Aromantic Character
- Language:
- English
- Series:
- Part 1 of Not the Boston WAGs
- Stats:
- Published: 2026-01-15 Completed: 2026-08-26 Words: 25,146 Chapters: 18/18
Not a wife, or a girlfriend, but a secret third thing
Summary
(Jane has been added to Not the Boston WAGs)
Shannon: Oh? Fresh meat?
(Jane has left Not the Boston WAGs)
Vikki: Way to scare her off!
(Jane has been added to Not the Boston WAGs)
Vikki: Hey Jane! I spent like twenty minutes trying to draft an introduction message but I'm way too tired for that rn so I figured I'd just drop you into the deep end and see if you can swim
Jane: I'm actually a very strong swimmer
Jane: Sorry, what's going on?
Notes
Hello HR fandom I've been loving the fics about Ilya in the WAG chat for Montreal, but could only find one about the reverse. Probably because Shane would have a very different reaction than Ilya, but I wanted to see if I could find a version where he would be a better fit. I'm going to shoot for humor even though I'm not a very funny person, and try and weave developing canon into the future chapters. This starts during the ep4 beginning montage
Chapter 1
Not the Bostons WAGs
Mar 14, 2015 / 15:23
(Jane has been added to Not the Boston WAGs)
Shannon: Oh? Fresh meat?
(Jane has left Not the Boston WAGs)
Vikki: Way to scare her off!
(Jane has been added to Not the Boston WAGs)
Vikki: Hey Jane! I spent like twenty minutes trying to draft an introduction message but I'm way too tired for that rn so I figured I'd just drop you into the deep end and see if you can swim
Jane: I'm actually a very strong swimmer
Jane: Sorry, what's going on?
Shannon: Real tactful Vik
Marcus: Hello Jane!!! :)
Shannon: Well, if you've been added to this chat, it means you're officially not a Boston WAG!
Jane: Of course I am not a Boston Raiders WAG.
Jane: Who are you people and how did you get my number?
Vikki: Sveta stole it from Ilya's phone, seemed to think you meet the qualifications
Jane: Who? I don't know anyone named Ilya.
Jane: Or Sveta
Shannon: Shit another one of Roz's girls? And recced by Sveta herself too!
Marcus: Wait do you really not know Rozanov? Vikki did you just add a complete stranger in our inner sanctum???
Shannon: Mark stfu obviously Jane's playing dumb. I don't really blame her either.
Jaz: Y'all are awful. Hello Jane. How are you doing today?
Jane: I was fine, now I'm just confused
Jaz: I don't blame you. Vikki, you know I love you, but it's pretty rude to steal someone's phone number and add them to a chat with no context other than "you're not a WAG, we're not a WAG, let's be friends"
(Jane has left Not the Boston WAGs)
(Jane has been added to Not the Boston WAGs)
Vikki: Babe don't even bother trying, I can do this all day. But Jaz has a point! Let's do introductions, name/player/situation. In order of addition to make this easier
Vikki: I'm Vikki Marlow, first ex wife of one Clifford Marlow and mother of his children.
Jaz: Jazmine St-Simon, you might recognize me as the only one in the Boston WAG box who isn't white, blonde, and a size zero. Technically I am a WAG but Vikki got me in the divorce because she was the only tolerable one of that bunch.
Shannon: Shannon Smith, ex wife #2, better known as "that bitch who knew what she was doing with the pre-nup"
Marcus: Marcus Ford, I'm not Josh Kane's boyfriend but straight people are so fucking weird about relationships that don't fall into their strict black/white, romantic/platonic binary that we keep our partnership very much on the down-low in order not to get hated crimed
Jane: Marcus Ford as in former star goalie for the Denver Pioneers??
Marcus: Uh yeah actually. That's how Josh and I met, we played and roomed together in college
Marcus: You just know that off the top of your head?
Shannon: Wow Rozy has a type and it's way to into hockey
Jane: I don't know what you're talking about
Jaz: Sweetie it's okay. This group chat is for people involved with Raiders players, who might not fall into the wife or girlfriend category, but are important to them anyway. We're not going to judge you no matter how nontraditional your relationship with Ilya is.
Jane: I'm not important to Rozanov.
Jane: I don't even know him.
Vikki: LOL that's not what Svetlana thinks and she's always right. She says you've been chatting for years and Cliff's been talking about Roz's famous Montreal girl since we were married
Shannon: Throughout our marriage too. Rozanov is apparently super cagey about you and Cliff is the least curious person in the world so he could never tell me shit though
Jaz: This chat is about supporting each other and we want you to be comfortable, so we won't pressure you to share anything you don't want to (looking at you Shannon) but all of us are stubborn as hell so short of blocking us all you're not going to escape this
Marcus: Let's be honest, Callie could probably find a way around the blocking thing
Jane: Callie?
Shannon: Callie our Queen! Our favorite international super spy!
Vikki: Super spyyyyyy
Vikki: Damn it that's going to be suck in my head the rest of the day
Shannon: It's been stuck in my head for YEARS thanks to your kids
Jaz: Callie is Connors' not-girlfriend, she travels a lot for work and speaks like ten language and has to change her number pretty often but she's super tech savy and somehow adds herself when she has to get a new phone
Marcus: They met at a fundraiser in NY when she stole his watch
Jane: …Okay then. And Svetlana? What's her deal, her name is familiar?
Shannon: Probs cause she gets photographed with Roz all the time, plus her dad was some kinda Russian hockey star who played here in Boston a loooong time ago. Has he never mentioned her to you?
Jane: He's never mentioned anyone because we don't talk
Shannon: haha I don't blame you, talking would not be the first thing I chose to do with Ilya Rozanov ;)))
Jane: BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER
Jane: So she's his girlfriend?
Marcus: Rozanov doesn't have a girlfriend. Their deal is kinda the opposite of me and Josh's because they're friends who occasionally hook up but don't live together. She's not here because she hates being in group chats? But she'll text us individually, if she wants to hang out or swap insider info
Marcus: Sometimes me and her watch away games together, she knows puck
Shannon: Like I said, Rozy has a type
Jaz: The day Boston hires her as GM is the day we secure the next five cups
Jane: Literally anyone would be a better GM than Thralls, that's not saying much
Marcus: THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING
Vikki: I think you're gonna fit in here just fine babe
Not the Bostons WAGs
Mar 15, 2015 / 3:46
Callie: technically I stole his wallet
Callie: I just told him that I was going to steal his watch :) as a distraction
Callie: Welcome to the chat, Jane from Montreal
Callie: Jane with an Ottawa area code
Callie: This is going to be fun, I can tell :)
Not the Bostons WAGs
Mar 15, 2015 / 6:20
Marcus: damn it Callie, would it kill you to be online when anyone else is awake
Marcus: your sleep schedule scares me
Not the Boston WAGs
Mar 29, 2015 / 11:37
Vikki: Next time I think about reproducing with a hockey player, one of you needs to smack me
Vikki: Max has grown what feels like a whole foot in the last month
Jaz: Pics or it didn't happen
Vikki: {image.03.29.15}
Jaz: Aw he's so precious
Vikki: He's so mad at me that his favorite shirt doesn't fit any more. I tried explaining that his giant of a father was to blame but got no sympathy
Marcus: I thought you'd already sworn off hockey players?
Shannon: Aw poor guy
Shannon: Well, if you ever do go on a date in the near future my babysitting services are always open. Max and Emma are pretty much the only things I miss from being married to Cliff
Vikki: And the super athletic sex right?
Shannon: That too
Marcus: Maybe you two should go to a football game or something
Vikki: Are you volunteering to babysit while we do?
Marcus: Fuck no
Marcus: Josh would for sure tho. He loves kids
Jaz: Me and Victor too!
Jaz: Maybe Ilya as well. He's always great with the kids at family events
Shannon: Just when I thought Roz couldn't get hotter
Not the Boston WAGs
Apr 1, 2015 / 06:49
Marcus: {screenshot.04.01.15.1}
Marcus: {screenshot.04.01.15.2}
Marcus: {screenshot.04.01.15.3}
Marcus: April Fools day report from Josh
Jaz: Dear Lord, they're starting early this year
Vikki: You say "they" but we all know who's masterminding this
Shannon: {screenshot.04.01.15}
Shannon: Twitter has already picked up the story
Jaz: The Raiders PR/socials team deserves all the gift baskets
Callie: Rejoice for I have brought behind the scenes footage of the ACTUAL peak prank of the year
Callie: Con has been plotting his revenge on Rozanov for a full year and with my expert input, it has been achieved
Jaz: Callie!
Shannon: CAL ALERT
Callie: {Tampa.four.seasons.classified.mp4}
Marcus: Rejoice for a Callie sighting! A holiday miracle
Vikki: Callie, I love you, but how the fuck did you get this video? Is this actual hotel surveillance footage??
Callie: Shhh don't ask questions
Shannon: I know we joke about you being a super spy but seriously what the hell
Shannon: Actually I don't even care this is hilarious
Jaz: I feel bad for Ilya but I also heard about last year and I fully support this payback
Private Chat → Lily
Apr 1, 2015 / 08:37
Jane: Good luck in your game tonight. Tampa, right?
Lily: I am the best hockey player in the league, I do not need luck, especially THIS game
Lily: Plus, they love me in Florida
Jane: I read recently that Florida is known for their oranges, I'm going to have to make sure to try some next time we're down there
Jane: Although I'm normally picky about fruit, maybe you could confirm for me before I go through the trouble?
Lily: What the fuck
Lily: I said I'd kill anyone who posted about it
Jane: Wait did you seriously threaten a whole dining room of tourists and hotel staff?
Lily: No, them I bribed with autographs. Threatened my teammates
Lily: It's already online?
Lily: Whatever you heard is lies. And slander.
Lily: Lie-bel
Jane: Libel
Lily: I'm glad you agree
Jane: No, I was just correcting your spelling
Lily: Oh ho funny guy
Private Chat → Lily
Apr 1, 2015 /17:53
Lily: Twitter is only talking about my excellent prank not the orange thing
Lily: And Reddit
Lily: And Instagram
Lily: Hollander how did you know
Lily: Hollander answer me
Lily: And if you tell anyone…
Jane: You'll kill me? Because I have no interest in autographs
Lily: I will never blow you again
Jane: Don't make threats you can't keep
Not the Boston WAGs
Apr 7, 2015 / 17:28
Shannon: SOS
Shannon: @Jaz @Callie hey gals smarter than me, I am tapping you in
Marcus: Jaz is down at her parents this weekend, remember? The signal there is so bad. And we've had our monthly Cal sighting already
Shannon: FUCK
Vikki: Anything we can help with?
Shannon: Not unless you secretly know French
Vikki: Sorry babe, no can do
Marcus: I only know a few words that come up in chirping pretty often. Google Translate maybe?
Jane: Google Translate is notoriously unreliable, but I am fluent in French
Vikki: Jane!
Marcus: Jane with the steel chair (French translation powers)???
Shannon: Oh my god would you?
Shannon: Okay so I re downloaded Tinder —please remember that this is a judgment free zone—and I've been talking to this guy, can you translate these?
Shannon: {screenshot.04.07.15}
Marcus: Why is he texting you in French
Shannon: I might have told a few white lies
Marcus: Ones that led him to believe you know French??
Shannon: Shut up, I wasn't expecting him to know it and I can probably get away with responding in English but I need to know what I'm responding to
Shannon: @Jane?
Jane: Still here
Jane: Um
Jane: It's kinda gross
Shannon: Do I even want to know?
Jane: I wish I didn't
Marcus: lolllll
Shannon: Ugh I just want to sext a hot guy who doesn't live with his mom, is that too much to ask?
Marcus: Last time you did, you divorced him after only nine months
Shannon: You think Cliff could sext before me? I TAUGHT that boy the meaning of the word
Jaz: And he in turn taught half the roster, still not sure if I resent you for that. Victor tries to all the time but his dirty talk is just meant to be heard out loud, you know?
Jaz: Just backread, I second Jane on wishing I hadn't read those, please block that guy
Jane: Wait so you're the reason Rozanov knows the word 'sexting'?
Shannon: You're welcome ;)
Jane: Not that I know anything about Rozanov and sexting
Jane: Or him at all
Jane: I don't even have his number
Marcus: {sure.jan.jpg}
Jane: So Jaz, how is Quebec? I love it this time of year
Vikki: Smooth deflect babe
Jaz: Actually I'm from Louisiana, visiting family a few hours from New Orleans. Victor is the one from Quebec
Jane: Oh that's cool. Did you ever go watch a New Orleans Brass game?
Jane: I remember hearing about the disestablishment in 2002 and being so sad, purely because of the Gordie Dwyer connection
Jane: Although the team and his stats the season he was with them both kinda sucked
Marcus: damn girl, I need you and Svetlana on an obscure hockey themed Jeopardy episode, you'd make millions
Chapter End Notes
This chapter was supposed to go through May and June but then Hollanov took over and I'm committed to making the chapters similar lengths. The next few should do some canon typical time jumps though.
Chapter 3
Chapter Notes
Ch 3 :) I wrote this in two sittings, the problem is that I need to sit down and write more!
Thank you for all the kudos and comments!
Not the Boston WAGs
May 4, 2015 / 16:32
Marcus: Dressed my girls up proper for the last game of the regular season.
Marcus: {image.05.04.15}
Vikki: Oh my god
Shannon: Where the fuck did you get cat sized Darth Vader and Princess Leia costumes?
Jaz: Awww
Jane: They're cute but I'm seconding Shannon's question.
Shannon: Ooh I've never been seconded before.
Marcus: Jane seal of approval yesss, I shall treasure this moment.
Marcus: I got them during Halloween! And technically they're meant for babies? But they look cuter on my cats.
Jaz: Honey I am once again begging you to give them their own Instagram page.
Jaz: Them and Frey could dethrone Matti Jalo's dog as the most popular NHL pet in an instant, if they teamed up. Josh's Insta posts with Frey in them get double the attention of any of his other ones.
Marcus: Yeah but it's the team up that is the problem.
Marcus: Josh posts Frey all the time because he's his cat, but he's very careful that they're just Frey.
Marcus: If Dianne and Countess were publicly associated with Frey then I wouldn't be able to post about them on my socials.
Marcus: I still have followers who are fans from my time in collegiate hockey who also follow Josh and therefore have to be super careful not to post anything that they could use to realize we live together.
Marcus: So yeah, no combined cat account. Matti Jalo's dog is safe.
Jaz: For now. I'm sorry honey, but the world will get better. It has to.
Shannon: Goddammit your life is so convoluted it makes me sad.
Shannon: Fucking closet
Vikki: Fuck the closet.
Jane: Fuck the closet.
Marcus: Thanks guys.
Marcus: Believe it or not, this weird double life I'm living with Josh is bounds better than when we openly lived together in school but I was still fully in the closet and dealing with crippling internalized homophobia/bi phobia
Shannon: Life is better with tongue piercings!
Jaz: And colorful hair!
Vikki: Is internalized bi phobia different from the internalized homophobia? (And is it insensitive to ask?)
Marcus: It's fine lol
Marcus: Internalized homophobia = hating myself for being attracted to guys (yay hockey culture + small conservative town upbringing) while the internalized biphobia was more about reckoning with the fact that it wasn't bad/selfish/weird/wrong that I'm attracted to both men and women (yay shitty ex boyfriend)
Shannon Fuck that guy
Marcus: Oh don't worry, Josh defended my honor and bought me a few beers about it.
Marcus: Then gave me a concession kiss.
Jaz: Oh???
Vikki: You've never mentioned that before!!
Marcus: Nothing much to mention. It was a fine kiss, but we were both kinda hammered and he's not attracted to guys so it did nothing for him
Marcus: I spent several weeks after that freaking out that I was going to develop a crush on him but thankfully that didn't happen.
Shannon: Well that's not juicy at all.
Marcus: Wow this convo got depressing fast, more cat pics incoming.
Marcus: {image.05.04.15.02}
Marcus: Frey refused my attempts to put him in a costume, but Josh thinks pre game cat pictures are good luck.
Jane: Boston's going to need it.
Not the Boston WAGs
May 18, 2015 / 13:32
Jaz: {image.05.18.15}
Jaz: Svetlana and I at the nail salon! Had to go black and gold, of course
Vikki: Ahh they look so good, I'm jealous
Jaz: You should come next time!
Vikki: For sure, work has just been crazy lately
Marcus: Your nails look great! Tell Svetlana I said so, and to text me back about watching playoffs together bc she left me on read but I KNOW she doesn't have other plans
Jaz: Her response was :toungeoutemoji x3:
Shannon: Shame the first two games of the series are in Montreal this year.
Jane: Agreed.
Jane: It would be way sweeter for Montreal to sweep four wins and end on home ice.
Vikki: Jane!!!
Marcus: wtf Jane?
Jaz: Jane are you…rooting for the Metros?
Shannon: I was the worst WAG to ever WAG and even I never did that
Jaz: You were not that bad! You just…knew literally nothing about hockey.
Jane: I live in Montreal, why would I root for the Raiders in the playoffs? Or ever?
Marcus: Because Ilya?!?!
Jane: Rozanov is an asshole.
Jane: I am actively rooting against him in every game, except when he's beating Dallas Kent, because fuck that guy.
Marcus: Okay you're not wrong about that.
Jaz: Playoffs means that the boys will be in Montreal for several days in a row, you must be happy about that at least. I know the training and game schedule is brutal but there should be a few opportunities to see Ilya.
Not the Boston WAGs
May 18, 2015 / 17:57
Marcus: Okay it's been an hour, I don't think she's going to respond.
Jaz: That's fair. Sorry Jane, I didn't mean to pry or make you uncomfortable.
Marcus: Quick! Subject change…
Vikki: Jane, any cool hockey facts you want to drop that might earn me brownie points with my son?
Jane: The first Japanese player to be drafted to the NHL didn't actually exist. He was created by the GM for Buffalo in 1974, as their 11th round draft pick and the 183 player drafted that year, as a joke/protest over how the draft was done that year (by phone instead of live). Taro Tsjuimoto was number 13 and was alloted a stall in Buffalo's locker room which obviously he never claimed. The "bit" went on for months before the then-President of the NHL found out.
Vikki: …okay then
Not the Boston WAGs
June 15, 2015 / 16:18
Shannon: *pokes you all *
Shannon: Wow, this chat is as dead as the Raider's playoff run.
Vikki: It might be too soon to joke about that still.
Shannon: It's been almost a month?? And it's been soooo quiet in here since, what's up with that?
Vikki: I would guess that Jaz is enjoying having her husband home full time (lots of romantic dates and sex marathons), Marcus has been enjoying having his partner home full time (lots of hiking and Star Wars marathons). While I have been planning a vacation for myself while Cliff is around to finally pull his share of parenting duty, Jane never talks unless we do, and Callie is Callie
Shannon: Work is work, and my social life since the divorce continues to be this chat.
Vikki: Boo
Vikki: We need a girls night.
Vikki: No hockey, no guys, just Svetlana's good Russian vodka and some face masks.
Shannon: YES. Is she going to Russia over the summer?
Marcus: She's already there, though normally she waits until after playoffs since Rozanov has to stay for awards, but that's how her work schedule fell this year.
Marcus: Also hiiii yes me and Josh have been hanging out a lot, sorry I've not been around a ton.
Vikki: Hi Marcus! Obviously you are also invited to girls night if you want to come. You too Jane.
Marcus: Eh, I'm not big on face masks and the last time I drank with Svetlana I was hungover for like three days after, it was awful. But thanks for the offer.
Marcus: Also, inviting Rozanov's not-girlfriend to hang out with his girl bestfriend/occasional hook up is a bit weird Vikki.
Jane: The weird part is that she got my phone number and passed it on to a bunch of strangers.
Jane: But whatever.
Shannon: But we're glad she did! Where would we be without your weird hockey knowledge and emergency French translation skills?
Jaz: Aaah you're not wrong Vikki. :blushemoji: Hi Jane! How are you?
Jane: Honestly? Exausted and stressed. It's a crazy time of year for me at work. And I don't want to jinx it, but I'm super excited about something I really think is going to happen.
Shannon: Well that's vauge and weird as fuck but good for you girl. I wish real estate was as interesting as…whatever you do.
Jane: You're a real estage agent?
Shannon: Yeah.
Jane: That's cool!!! Admittedly I don't know a lot about real estate in the US, since my only experience is in Canada.
Marcus: New Jane lore unlocked? Adding to the list now.
Marcus: -Loves hockey but not the Raiders (boo)
- Funny
- Thinks real estate is cool
Shannon: It's how I met Cliff, actually. I sold him the house he bought after he and Vikki split. Which he moved out of after we got divorced.
Vikki: I still miss that place, it was beautiful.
Vikki: Too good for him though. Like some other things I could name.
Shannon: True lol
Jaz: I'm sorry you've been lonely lately, sweetheart, lets resolve to talk more. And definitely to have a not-WAG night soon! We can do it before Sveta gets back, to spare Marcus' stomach (and maybe tempt Jane down to Boston for a weekend), and then a girls night later?
Shannon: :heartemoji:
Not the Boston WAGS
June 21, 2015/ 23:00
Jane: i loke ou guys so mych
Jane: dd you kniw tht
Jane: tis is fun chap
Jane: Steps
Jane: Sepsis
Jane: No
Jane: Ifotgot what Iwas typgin
Jaz: Jane sweetie are you okay?
Jane: drunk
Marcus: Aw, we like you too.
Marcus: Is Montreal just one big party right now?
Jane: yep
Marcus: I suppose I should congratulate you on the cup win.
Jane: yup
Marcus: It was a good game
Marcus: Great game
Marcus: But I can't believe I had to watch the Metros win the cup during PRIDE MONTH. This feels like a hate crime.
Vikki: That's not what a hate crime is??
Marcus: Well I hate it! Josh agrees with me, which means you're outvoted.
Vikki: Okay then.
Jane: Wr won th cup ;))0)9)
Jane: I lie u guys sooooo mch
Jaz: Okay Jane, I think you should drink some water. Are you with people you trust? Anyone sober?
Jane: nooooo
Jane: Jaz youre so nce
Jane: Lke moter
Jane: Ilove my mmm. Butyuo guys are nicer
Jane: Imma throwup
Chapter 4
Chapter Notes
THANK YOU for all the amazing comments, I read all of them but literally cannot respond to them all. But here are a select few responses all in one:
To the person shouting out the Gallagher Girls series, especially in reference to Callie: Yesss, I loved those books. Also Artemis Fowl, Six of Crows, Heist Society, and obviously Leverage. All of them played a role in her creation and Leverage is especially prevalent this chapter.
I'm glad people love the OCs because I'm getting emotionally invested in them and giving them backstories and arcs. Also glad you liked drunk!Shane's texts, the bit where he forgets what he was going to type was inspired by me coming up with a funny line then forgetting what it was while trying to drunkify it.
To the person who recced this fic to their aunt: crazy compliment!!!
In response to whoever pointed out that a lot of people are coming into HR from booktok: I hadn't thought about that angle! I think that also probably influenced comment culture in the fandom for this show.
Someone said that they feel bad for tiktok editors if their comment culture is what I talked about, but the culture really is different? When people comment memes on my tiktok edits (I will drop the user if you guys want to see them, it's very HR right now but if you scroll far enough there's Leverage) I like it because it feels like being a part of that community. But fics are a lot harder than 20 second edits and so the rules are different.
I'm writing this note from my theater class and we're talking about public domain and copyright rules, which I know a lot about because of fic haha.
Not the Boston WAGs
Sept 1, 2015/ 11:13
Jaz: Guess whose about to have a (six foot one, Sweedish) baby!
Shannon: Pardon?
Jane: Oh shit is Odinsonn billeting with you guys?
Jaz: Points again to Jane's pattern recognition skills and hockey knowledge
Vikki: Ah! Congrats/condolences
Vikki: I cannot imagine a random hockey player living in my home, I could barely stand the hockey player I was married to
Shannon: And this one's a teenager! Teenage boys are so gross
Marcus: Okay you're not wrong but you don't have to say it.
Marcus: From the interviews I've seen with him, his English is…not great
Jaz: Yeah, but we volunteered bc his French is solid, even if it's France-French, not my Creole French or Simon's Quebec-French, but we'll figure it out
Jaz: We talked over the phone with him, he seems sweet and he's a great defender which the team needs.
Jane: I can't imagine anyone staying sweet with the Raiders, let's see how long it takes for them to corrupt him
Shannon: Jane out here with the shade
Marcus: Not every team can be captained by a Lady Byng winner
Jane: Two time winner, mind you!
Shannon: Every time I think I have a grasp on the hockey talk, you guys break out more obscure references
Marcus: The lady Byng is the sportsmanship trophy the league gives out every year. Hollander has won it twice, and given the award once, the year we won the cup/the year Hollander fought Scott Hunter AFTER the game had ended
Jane: Tried to fight*
Jane: Their teams and the refs got involved before anyone actually threw a punch
Marcus: I'm fucking obsessed with that fight, it was so out of left field and I need to know why it happened.
Jane: You and Rozanov both, from what I hear. Guess you'll have to get used to disappointment.
Shannon: Now that reference I understood!
Not the Boston WAGs
Sept 17, 2015 / 9:11
(Callie has been added to Not the Boston WAGs)
Callie: New phone, new me
Vikki: CALLIE!
Shannon: You're back! It's been months, how are you?
Callie: The hospital food in Germany is shit and I can never go back to Canada, please no follow up questions.
Vikki: …okay
Shannon: I can never tell if you're joking.
Callie: No joke, the Mounties are fucking terrifying.
Jane: In what way???
Shannon: What is a Mountie?
Jane: The Canadian Mounted Police.
Jane: They're cool, my dad has a friend who is retired from them and use to tell the coolest stories when he came over.
Callie: Please no follow up questions!
Callie: {image.11.17.15}
Callie: But I am finally in Boston for a bit and getting some time with my boy
Jaz: Aww
Marcus: Does Connors know you're taking photos of him drooling in his sleep and sending them to us?
Marcus: Forwarding this to Josh for him to do what he wants with it btw
Callie: :)
Jaz: Does your man know you're taking photos of him that clearly show off evidence of your neck fetish?
Vikki: Super spy theory is out, secret vampire is now leading theory
Callie: :)
Callie: Last time I checked this chat was before Budapest, so like. June. Catch me up, what is happening?
Vikki: I took a great trip to the Bahamas and got very lucky, Shannon should quit her job, Jaz is hosting a Swedish rookie this season
Shannon: Jane is still denying that she knows Ilya Rozanov but is acting less like a skittish cat and admitted to liking us, maybe better than her mom?
Shannon: You'd think I'd be better at dissecting drunk texts as a D1 drunk text sender myself.
Marcus: I had a girlfriend for a month before she decided that qpr = cheating, even though by her fucked up logic I was cheating on Josh with her and not her with Josh, but whatever
Marcus: We're also considering getting a new cat, because apparently we're turning into crazy cat ladies
Shannon: If I ever see that bitch it will be ON SIGHT
Shannon: Wait new cat!
Jaz: Ugh I hate that I'm allergic to your babies, they're so cute and now there's going to be another?
Vikki: Pictures when??
Marcus: A lady I work with is fostering kittens rn and they're so darling, and I'm so weak…
Callie: I also demand kitten photos
Callie: Which reminds me
Callie: {folder.catphotos.XXX}
Callie: Most recent international cat photo collection dump, plus a couple sharks because they're basically just big water cats.
Vikki: That is certainly a take.
Not the Boston WAGs
Oct 3, 2015 / 22:10
Jane: @Jaz is your rookie alright?
Jaz: Yes
Jaz: Sprained wrist and apparently a big headache but no concussion
Vikki: What happened?
Jane: Preseason game
Vikki: Of course you'd watch those, you nerd (I say this with all the affection)
Marcus: Injury in the preaseason what the fuck?
Jaz: Thank you for checking in Jane sweetheart
Marcus: Oh Cormeau that makes more sense, I hate that bastard
Marcus: Watching game highlights now, wtf!!!
Marcus: No wonder Hollander never gets penalties, with this asshole on ice, he doesn't need to
Jane: It was an accident, but the kind of rough play not called for at this stage of the season. I'm sending my best to Odinsonn.
Shannon: OMG we love a media trained queen, girl you don't work for the Metros and you're banging a Raider even if you're not cheering for him, you can say Cormeau is a bitch
Jane: …he really is
Jane: That hit was so unnecessary, especially in preseason, and Odinsonn got the point anyway??? Like what the hell
Jane: I'm so mad at him
Jaz: Another update, Simon just texted me this photo
Jaz: Apparently he's keeping the tooth as a trophy
Jane: Gross
Vikki: Gross but unsurprising
Shannon: Badass tbh
Marcus: Hockey players are a special breed (I am allowed to say this as a goalie and therefore a part of the most Special breed of hockey players)
Jane: Amen
Shannon: Ah men
Vikki: Babe we have got to get you laid
Chapter End Notes
If you want to see how I'm envisioning the Not WAGs, I made them in Picrew here
Chapter 5
Chapter Notes
Me: I need to cover large gaps of time bc there's still a year until the tuna melt(down) and I want to write that part NOW
Also me: writes a chapter that takes place over a couple of days instead
Hockey trivia here is courtesy of ARustySpork, whose fic If it wasn't for that meddling kid seems designed for me, personally, given that I am obsessed with Russian rookie OCs and Scooby Doo.
Not the Boston WAGs
Oct 13, 2015 / 16:57
Vikki: Ugh, I hate when I hit points of my life that have me agreeing/sympathizing with my parents.
Shannon: Ah the classic "Maybe I should wash my sheets more than once a month".
Vikki: No wtf?? I do my sheets way more often than that
Jane: You should be switching your sheets once a week, minimum.
Jaz: Jane is right.
Jaz: Shannon, do we need to stage an intervention?
Shannon: No! Obviously I have learned this lesson already.
Shannon: That's why I brought it up.
Vikki: Can we go back to my problems now?
Shannon: I am sat.
Jaz: Of course sweetie, what's that matter?
Marcus: Who do I need to kill?
Jane: What's up?
Vikki: No killing please!
Vikki: Sorry, I'm being dramatic rn.
Vikki: Just like Emma.
Vikki: God, if this is the pre-teen age what will full teenager mode look like?
Jane: Is Emma your daughter? Sorry, I can't remember
Marcus: Finally a gap in your hockey knowledge! You do not know the names and ages of Cliff Marlow's children!
Vikki: Yeah she is. She'll be thirteen in a few months, and I'm so unprepared.
Jaz: It feels like just yesterday that she was starting kindergarten…
Vikki: I love her so much but I also miss my sweet girl who had no idea what a cell phone or a boyfriend was.
Vikki: I told her she can't have either and she's been locked in her room blaring Green Day ever since.
Marcus: At least she has good music taste? Small consolation, I know.
Vikki: Yeah.
Shannon: Want me to come over and talk to her?
Vikki: I don't think she'd come out for even her favorite ex-step mom. Maybe you two could have a girls day this weekend? Convince her that boys are not the end all be all of the world and not to hate me? God knows she listen to you more than me or Cliff these days.
Vikki: Not that Cliff is around enough to be hated or loved now that the season is in full swing.
Shannon: Of course, whatever you need.
Shannon: I would never want to overstep though.
Vikki: You never could ❤️
Shannon: ❤️
Jaz: ❤️
Marcus: ❤️
Callie: ❤️
Callie: Do not be shy Jane, get in on this.
Callie: Bonding moment.
Jane: …
Jane: :❤️
Vikki: Thanks guys.
Not the Boston WAGs
Oct 15, 2015 / 10:10
Marcus: Office is haunted.
Jane: ???
Marcus: Office is haunted.
Marcus: {image.10.15.15}
Marcus: Mid argument about the company Halloween party, the whole block lost power, argument has continued in candle light because I work with some very stubborn people.
Shannon: That's hilarious.
Jaz: I didn't know the travel agency business included mood lighting.
Marcus: All of these belong to my coworker Jennifer, who normally keeps one on the wax burner in her office so it always smells great. We had no idea she owned so many until she just kept pulling them out of her desk drawer.
Marcus: Security would freak bc talk about a fire hazard, but it's kind of a vibe so whatever.
Vikki: Jane you've been typing for like ten minutes, what's up?
Jane: Hockey fact?
Marcus: Yes please.
Vikki: Hockey facts are always welcome.
Shannon: I can't wait to hear about hockey being played by candlelight or whatever.
Shannon: Sorry, that sounded sarcastic, go ahead girl.
Jane: Oh okay.
Jane: Not played in candlelight. But the officials did turn off the lights during the Canada/Russia matchup at the 1987 World Junior Hockey Ice Championships in an effort to put a stop to the bench clearing brawl that broke out in the second period.
Shannon: HA!
Marcus: They said "you can't fight when you can't see".
Jane: That was the intent anyway, and eventually the fight did end.
Jaz: Stealing this tactic for the next time my husband hosts poker night lol.
Marcus: Shit smoke alarm is going off, gotta go.
Not the Boston WAGs
Oct 17, 2015 / 13:30
Shannon: {image.10.17.15}
Shannon: Emma and Auntie Shannon at the mall.
Marcus: That is a LOT of bags, did you guys buy out JCPenny's?
Shannon: Perhaps.
Shannon: Food court next!
Marcus: There's a great Japanese place there.
Marcus: Perhaps you could bring me some…
Shannon: By the time I drop her off at Vikki's and get to your place it would be so gross.
Marcus: Damn.
Vikki: Hey I hate to ask this but could you actually hang on to her a bit longer.
Vikki: I know we said 1 but Max just found out that his dad will not be at his soccer game next week after all, and I'm still handling that.
Shannon: Of course! She can sleep over at mine too, if you need an emptier house.
Vikki: Maybe.
Vikki: Fuck. Every time I think I'm getting a handle on this single parent thing, the world proves me wrong.
Jaz: I'm so sorry sweetheart. Let me know if I can do anything to help out.
Vikki: I really don't think there's anything anyone can do. I have all their physical needs met, I just can't keep up with the emotional ones.
Vikki: The first half of the regular season is always rough but this year is just especially bad I think.
Vikki: Maybe if Cliff and I were still married and he at least lived in the same house as us when he's not traveling it would be better.
Jaz: If you two were still married then you would both be miserable and you'd make Emma and Max miserable too. Your relationship with Cliff had more than run its course.
Vikki: I know logically that you're right but I really don't want to be logical right now, I want to eat ice cream until I throw up. Which is not a good long term solution.
Jaz: So what? We can figure out a long term solution later. For now, tell me what ice cream flavors you and Max want. Shannon, take Emma over to Marcus' with takeout food and watch that Clone cartoon.
Marcus: You cannot just refer to Star Wars: The Clone Wars as "that Clone cartoon" Jaz. But okay. Good plan.
Hayden, Hayden's Legal Wife, and Hayden's Work Wife
Oct 17, 2015 / 18:38
Hayden: Shane.
Hayden: Shit, I forgot about the name of this chat. I hate it.
Jackie: Too bad, we're keeping it.
Shane: Yeah?
Shane: I also am not a fan.
Jackie: Too bad, thanks for the flowers though.
Hayden: Dude, what the hell about the flowers? Why are you sending my wife bouquets? I got back from the airport, saw them on the counter, and got super pissed.
Jackie: He's not kidding, it was pretty funny.
Jackie: {image.10.17.15}
Shane: Oh.
Shane: I didn't mean it like that.
Hayden: I know dude, that's why we're having this conversation over text and not in the hospital waiting room.
Shane: I just wanted her to know she's appreciated! It can't be easy with all those kids during roadies.
Jackie: I feel very appreciated. And appreciative.
Jackie: After the kids go to bed, you could join me in appreciating the bathbombs he sent Hayden.
Hayden: Bathbombs too???
Hayden: …what kind?
Shane: Show your appreciation by not talking about that in front of me, gross.
Jackie: Thank you Shane.
Hayden: Thanks bro.
Hayden: Just maybe give me a heads up next time you want to appreciate my wife.
Chapter End Notes
This was the Vikki chapter! I have stuff planned for Shannon, Jaz, and Callie-centric chapters, but still a lot of time to kill before we get into canon timeline stuff so lmk if there's any scenarios or dynamics you'd like to see. I played with having a Lily mention with Jackie and Hayden but that's a whole different can of worms. I also have loose Jane/Lily ideas, and want to show off Svetlana's DMs, since she's against group chats but is kinda important to the plot of this fic.
Speaking of Svetlana, if you want a bit more context to her headspace in this universe, go check out my aro Sveta fic. It's kinda canon to this verse and I'm planning to write a follow up, non text fic that deals with Marcus and Josh Kent.
Chapter 6
Chapter Notes
(Author emerges from midterm week, covered in blood)
Hey everybody! This chapter features more tipsy!Shane, and the idea for all three sections sprung from my brain fully formed as a lay on my couch with more Malibu rum than I should have drank on an empty stomach. All of his types are 100% genuine mistakes I made, but I edited Ilya's part the next morning. Enjoy!
Private Chat → Lily and Jane
Nov 20, 2015/22:45
Jane: I feelliquid
Jane: so free
Jane: Rolling my head is so fuuuuuun why did uou never tell me
Lily: What?
Lily: Hollander you are making no sense.
Jane: I shoud drink more I think it fixed me
Jane: Not everyhing though I still wanna fuck yuo
Jane: get fucked by you
Jane: You're so hot pleas fuck me right now
Jane: Why have we not inventd teleportation it would be second greated invesntion after hockey
Lily: Are you drunk right now?
Lily: Wow, a drunk booty call from Shane Hollander, this is a first.
Not the Boston WAGs
Nov 21, 2015 / 8:13
Jane: I need help.
Shannon: Oh?
Shannon: A wild Jane appears, not only texting first but requesting the help of the humble Not WAGS?
Shannon: I am sat.
Jane: Shut up.
Jane: Never mind.
Marcus: Noooo Shannon you scared her off.
Marcus: @Jane tell us what you need, we are forever at your service.
Jane: Whatever, it's not that big of a deal.
Callie: Whatever you need, we shall deliver, I swear to it.
Marcus: See, you've even got Callie out of the woodwork.
Jane: I need to get rid of a hangover before my morning run and an afternoon flight.
Jane: My coworkers talked me into going out and doing shots last night and now I'm in hell. If I ask any of them for help I'll get teased in oblivion and I cannot go into public obviously hung over.
Vikki: I strive for the kind of work ethic you've got Jane. Maybe just skip the run and prepare yourself for the plane?
Jane: But I run every morning and I've already slept later than usual because I went out last night so I really have to follow some part of my routine or the entire day will be messed up. You know?
Shannon: My go to has always been some good ol' hair of the dog, since the hangover can't catch you if you just keep drinking. Probably not a viable solution for you though huh babe?
Jane: No.
Callie: McDonald's Big Breakfast. Or any meal with a shit ton of grease in it, but McDonald's is the best.
Jane: I think just standing in the McDonald's parking lot is breaking my diet.
Callie: Boooooo
Callie: Damn it, I wish I was stateside right now, I'm craving a McGriddle.
Jane: Have you tried craving a smoothy?
Callie: Booooooooooooo that's not how craving works you nerd.
Marcus: Ignore these amateurs and listen to me, Jane. I have a patented method of getting out of hangovers that got me through my collegiate hockey career. Do exactly what I say and you could even be ice ready in under four hours.
Jane: Wait did you drink the night before hockey practice when you were in school?
Marcus: My friend, I partied well into the AM before games. That was half the point of college.
Jane: Marcus!
Jane: That's so irresponsible.
Marcus: Sorry, did you want to judge me or did you want to be able to function today?
Jane: …function.
Marcus: {screenshot.11.21.15.}
Marcus: Follow this to the letter and you'll be fine ❤️
Jane: This looks insane.
Jane: So insane that it might work. Thank you.
Jaz: I hope you feel better sweetie!
Jaz: You know, we had few members of the team over last night for the Montreal/Toronto game and dinner. Drunk texts would explain this photo…
Jaz: {image.11.20.15}
Vikki: Is that Ilya Rozanov smiling at his phone and blushing????
Shannon: It couldn't be, don't you know "Russians cannot blush"?
Marcus: Oh my god!
Callie: You guys know she's not going to open this chat for at least a week now right? Probably longer.
Not the Boston WAGs
Dec 6, 2015 / 9:16
Jaz: Special day today!
Jaz: Happy birthday @Shannon, I hope it's a good one, please let me know when you're home so I can drop off your present.
Marcus: Shannon day!! I'm buying the shots tonight.
Vikki: Happy birthday from myself and my kids! Max made you a card, which I will also be dropping off, and Emma helped me pick out a present.
Shannon: You guys didn't have to get me anything! But thank you.
Jane: Happy birthday!
Jane: Sorry, I didn't get you anything.
Shannon: LOL thanks girl, your reappearance is all the gift I need from you. Callie was right about the two weeks I guess.
Jaz: Oh I just realized that I don't have your birthday in my calendar Jane.
Jane: It's not like you can get me gifts. Not that you need to.
Marcus: But we can still say happy birthday! And do shots in your honor.
Marcus: In case you hadn't picked up on it, I'm excited for the shots tonight. Us and Svetlana are going to a new club tonight.
Jane: It's a Sunday though?
Marcus: Yeah?
Shannon: So?
Jaz: Oh to be young again…
Vikki: Don't notice us dodging the question Jane!
Vikki: Come on, it's a day, not your social security number.
Vikki: Or whatever the Canadian equivalent is.
Jane: It's May 10th.
Jane: Which! Fun hockey fact, is also the birthday of Shane Hollander, captain of the Montreal Metros.
Vikki: Babe, we know who Shane Hollander is.
Chapter End Notes
Shannon's birthday is Dec 6th because I have not one but TWO nonbinary, pansexual friends born on this day (they shared three top artists in their 2025 Spotify Wrapped and have never met each other) and I've decided than Shannon is pan, even if she doesn't know it yet.
Like two people wanted to know my tiktok page. It's @angelsxwinchesters, for those that did.
Okay time to (teacher friends avert tine eyes) go write the two papers I forgot I have due before Sunday night. (I swear I used to be a great student.) I want to write more of this week once those are done because I have zero spring break plans.
(Also I spent the ao3 outtage taking my midterms stress out on Ilya if that interests you
Chapter 7
Chapter Notes
A short chapter but hopefully a good one! It's the first where we are in more than Shane's "POV" and he's in a different time zone than our special guest star so the timestamps might seem weird but I promise they make sense (if I did my math right)
Not the Boston WAGs
Dec 31, 2015 / 21:30
Shannon: {image.12.31.15}
Shannon: New Years Eve in da club!!!!
Shannon: Gonna find a hot guy to kissssss
Jaz: Woah.
Vikki: OMG Shannon!
Vikki: Someone's having fun.
Shannon: YEAH!
Marcus: Is that Valoriant?
Shannon: Yesyesyes
Marcus: I think the single Boston boys were going there tonight. Josh got invited too but we have longstanding NYE plans.
Shannon: Shit. Cliff?
Marcus: Lemme snoop.
Vikki: And here I was feeling bold because my New Years plans involved an actual adult party with real champagne and not sparkling cider that my kids were going to spill all over the carpet.
Vikki: Wait no come back @Marcus I know this one.
Vikki: @Shannon he is babysitting tonight so I can be with some work friends.
Jaz: It's not babysitting if it's your kids!!!
Jaz: But same on feeling boring. However, I have long accepted my boring lot in life. My husband and I might not even make it to the ball drop, we're both half asleep on the couch.
Vikki: Less than 30 minutes left!
Vikki: I am having more fun than I thought I would tbh.
Vikki: Remind me what your traditions are @Marcus ?
Callie: I hath seen the great twenty sixteen and None Of You Are Ready
Jaz: Hello???
Callie: Haha just kidding.
Callie: But I'm in the Line Islands rn so it's been Jan 1 for me for a while already.
Vikki: Momentarily forgot about timezones and was going to start another rumor.
Marcus: Sorry, got distracted snooping. The Raiders group chat ecosystem is a fascinating place. So many sub-chats. So much gossip.
Marcus: Josh and I always watch Star Wars, timing it so a Death Star explodes at midnight. Which Death Star (ep 4 or ep 6) and how much of the series we watch beforehand depends on how much time we have the day of.
Marcus: Then we kiss each other on the forehead, then all of the cats. A boring but time honored tradition born of the year most of our college team caught the flu together and could not properly party or safely interact with anyone else.
Jaz: Aw that's so sweet.
Jane: Cats?
Marcus: Yeah, I thought we'd talked about them before.
Jane: We have, I'm just fishing for pictures.
Marcus: LOL fishing is never needed, I will send however many pictures you want.
Marcus: {image. 12.31.15.1}
Marcus: {image. 12.31.15.2}
Marcus: {image. 12.31.15.3}
Marcus: Ignore Josh's ugly mug.
Jaz: Hi Jane! Any New Years plans or traditions you want to share?
Vikki: Ooh will we get more drunk Jane tonight? She's very funny.
Jane: No! To the plans and drinking. I don't actually drink much, two times in one year was an anomaly I don't want to repeat. My coworkers tried again tonight but I insisted that I was going to focus on making sure everyone got back to the hotel safe.
Jane: As for traditions, my grandparents used to have a big party every year, but they're in a nursing home now and I'm normally too busy to go to the ones my uncle hosts.
Vikki: Dang.
Vikki: It sucks that you can't go to your family thing though 😔.
Jane: Honestly I probably could make time if I tried, but I always hated family gatherings. They could get pretty loud and I'm really weird about food so I basically lived off of rice cakes and the peanut butter sandwiches my mom would smuggle me because she didn't want me to be hungry but also didn't want to offend obbachan.
Jane: The only fun bit was beating everyone at sugoroku and everyone stopped wanting to play with me because I got "too competitive" or whatever.
Marcus: What's sugoroku?
Jane: It's a Japanese board game, kinda like snakes and ladders.
Marcus: Oh, cool.
Jane: Sometimes I put on the New York ball drop? But I'm in Central time right now, so it wouldn't be accurate.
Private Chat → Marcus and Svetlana
Dec 31, 2015/23:46
Marcus: I think Rozanov wants to fuck Shane Hollander.
Svetlana: Happy New Years to you too???
Marcus: If he ever expresses interest in getting bi-curious, give him my number. Promise me. Or we're not friends anymore.
Svetlana: If Ilya ever tells me he's bi-curious, I promise that I will give you his number.
Private Chat → Lily and Jane
Dec 31, 2015/22:00
Lily: Happy New Years Jane.
Private Chat → Callie and Svetlana
Jan 1, 2016/00:05
Callie: I know you said you were respecting Ilya's privacy about the Jane thing, other than the number stealing, but lmk if you ever change your mind because this is too good not to share.
Svetlana: I'm getting the sense that something is happening in the non WAG chat tonight.
Callie: It's all coming together.
Private Chat → Lily and Jane
Jan 1, 2016/24:00
Jane: Happy New Year Lily.
Chapter End Notes
Up next: Fallout from Shannon's night out. It was going to be in this chapter but I felt like it was long enough and I've got a lot to do this afternoon. Vote in the comments if I should dye my hair red or purple because I'm indecisive.
Chapter 8
Chapter Notes
It's been so long that my hair isn't really purple anymore. Thanks for helping me make that decision, and for all the comments/kudos/recs!
To clarify, since there was some confusion about it: Marcus added up all the information about Jane and came to the conclusion that Ilya is repressed and wants to fuck his rival but can't decide if Ilya is aware of this or not. Callie…I'll be honest, Callie is as much a mystery to me as she is to the chat. I don't control her. She just hijacks my brain sometimes. Callie probably knows Jane=Shane but she would never spill this info to anyone but Svetlana (equally good at secrets) or use it against him.
Not the Boston WAGs
Jan 1, 2016 / 13:45
Marcus: Day 1 of the new year and I am failing at my resolution already.
Marcus: Someone take my phone away.
Marcus: Throw it in Boston Harbor, perhaps.
Jaz: Oh?
Marcus: The goal was less screen time, because I know I spend an atrocious amount of every day looking at them, can't be good for my eyes/brain/posture.
Marcus: But I've been on Instagram all morning.
Jaz: That's a clever one!
Jaz: Mine is to de-clutter our attic. Getting the Christmas stuff out/back in was an actual nightmare. Most likely I will procrastinate it until next Christmas.
Marcus: Maybe we could keep each other accountable on this. Weekly check ins or something.
Vikki: That would work well for me too! Mine is the basic "go to the gym more" resolution (Marcus I will not be going to the gym with you, I am not insane).
Marcus: Boooo
Marcus: I would go easy on you (at first).
Vikki: I do not believe you.
Jane: Maybe make a workout plan Vikki? Give yourself break/rest days too, instead of throwing yourself into an unrealistic goal like going 100% every day.
Marcus: She's not wrong.
Jane: Also, some phones have app timers you can set to keep you from spending too much time on social media, if that's your problem.
Jane: Jaz, if I were you, I would just hire someone to go through your stuff. You're married to a millionaire. It doesn't even have to be a service, get some neighborhood kids to help.
Vikki: Jane is full of advice this morning.
Jaz: …I forget I am Rich sometimes. Thanks.
Jaz: Did you make any New Years resolutions, Jane?
Jane: I've been making the same one for years, I haven't been successful yet.
Jane: Maybe 2016 is the year.
Jane: My year.
Marcus: That's the spirit!
Not the Boston WAGs
Jan 1, 2016 / 15:45
Shannon: Okay.
Shannon: Wow.
Shannon: Um.
Shannon: Hello everyone.
Jaz: Hi sweetie, everything okay?
Shannon: I think it's going to be.
Shannon: Maybe.
Shannon: Or maybe I'm just crazy. Kidding myself. Having a breakdown.
Vikki: Do you need company? Hangover stuff?
Jane: Marcus' plan worked really well, but I don't recommend it if you don't have anywhere else to be today. Emergency only kind of thing.
Shannon: I'm not actually hung over, which is nice. Stayed away from tequila, drank lots of water before bed.
Shannon: But somehow hiding from my ex-husband in a club bathroom became a real come-to-Jesus moment, you know? (Thanks for teaching me that phrase, Jaz)
Jaz: 🩷
Shannon: I went right into real estate after high school because I didn't get any scholarships for volleyball and didn't know what I wanted to study anyway. Why throw away a shit ton of money when my cousin was offering to help me get my license and work at his firm?
Shannon: I'm pretty damn good at my job, but I think I kind of hate it now. But I don't have to.
Shannon: Like, I'm 22! I'm divorced and kinda rich from that! I could go to college!
Vikki: Babe yes!!
Shannon: Rich scumbags who like the throw around their money and Karens who are picky bitches about kitchens they'll never actually use SUCK. The only thing I don't hate about my job is the houses.
Shannon: I was having a complete breakdown over this shit last night, crying all over this absolute goddess and she was like "have you thought about architecture?". So maybe…
Shannon: I dunno, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but I've been looking up Boston architecture programs all morning.
Jane: That would be so cool!
Shannon: So much math. Not sure I'm really cut out for it. But it doesn't hurt to try, right?
Jaz: It does not!
Vikki: Architecture sounds like such a good subject for you to study, I've seen all the magazines at your place. I think you can do anything you put your mind to, including lots of math.
Marcus: Another win for drunk girls in the club bathroom.
Marcus: I have experienced this phenomenon only once (shout out gay clubs with gender neutral bathrooms, through you all things are possible) but damn that was a great night.
Shannon: Yeah.
Shannon: She was awesome. After I was done being pathetic, we went out and danced together and ended up next to each other during the countdown and uh…
Shannon: That was the other life possible life changing revelation that happened last night.
Marcus: HOLY SHIT!
Vikki: Did you ring in the new year with the club bathroom goddess??
Vikki: Also, what makes a woman a goddess? I'm curious.
Shannon: It was just the one kiss, we were a bit too far gone for any more than that. She packed me into a cab and sent me home. But I did get her number!
Shannon: Is it too soon to text her? I don't know the lesbian dating rules, I barely know the straight dating rules.
Marcus: There are no rules! The idea of dating rules are hetero normative patriarchal bullshit that "change" all the time. You text this goddess the moment you feel ready to.
Marcus: Also get us a pic ASAP bc I too am curious about what would make you, noted knockout Shannon Smith, call her a goddess.
Shannon: Girl stop, I'm blushing.
Jane: What do you mean the rules are made up?
Marcus: Exactly what I said.
Marcus: They're not law, they're not codified anywhere in a secret binder or on display in a museum with a scret treasure map on the back, they're not inherent. They're just social norms that keep everyone in their place.
Jane: Oh. Okay.
Jane: But what if I like rules?
Marcus: The rules are for you and you partner(s) to set as you need them. Not the rest of the world. Yeah?
Marcus: Oh the app timer I set up just gave me a warning so I bet
Vikki: It got hi, RIP Marcus.
Shannon: 🪦
Jaz: 🪦
Jane: 🪦
Chapter End Notes
Yes, Shane's NYR is to quit Ilya Rozanov, and has been since 2011.
Sat upright in bed last night at 11 with the realization that I forgot to right orient Shane's messages, that's fixed now.
Chapter 9
Chapter Notes
Hello, hello. It's been a while, and I'm in finals hell, but I was motivated to start writing this yesterday by the news that it was quod_amatur_vivit's birthday. If you have not read Vitreous (glass-like) then go do that right now!
Not the Boston WAGs
Feb 14, 2016 / 7:45
Jaz: Happy Valentine's day ladies! And Marcus!
Jaz: {image.02.14.16}
Marcus: Oh those are gorgeous! And I consider myself one of the girls, sometimes ;)
Jaz: Simon bought them for me.
Vikki: Damn, if Cliff bought me more bouquets like that, we might still be married.
Shannon: I can't say the same, I've never been much of a flower girl.
Vikki: Are you and your girl doing anything today?
Shannon: No :( She's in Boston but hanging out with her friend who's in grad school here, Valentine's Day is weird for him (long distance relationship that's technically open? And casual? But they're still obsessed with each other? IDK). She did buy me dinner yesterday though. And then we watched a movie and…
Marcus: AND?
Shannon: Confirmed, yet again, that kissing girls is awesome.
Shannon: I might spend some of my prenup fund on a few train tickets to NY, before it all goes to tuition in August.
Marcus: Hell yeah.
Jaz: I'm so happy this is going well for you, Shannon.
Jaz: Let me know if you need any help with the applications and stuff. It's been a while since I did it, but I believe in us.
Vikki: Or if you need a distraction night!
Shannon: ❤️
Shannon: Anyone else have Valentine's day plans?
Vikki: I'm still recovering from helping Max with his Valentine's day box. His class party was Friday and of course we started Thursday night.
Jaz: Naturally.
Marcus: Well, when else would you start it?
Vikki: {image.02.11.16}
Jane: The Cup!
Vikki: Haha of course that got your attention!
Jane: I'm just killing time for work, pure coincidence.
Marcus: Will you spook if we ask if you're doing anything special today?
Jane: Listening to all of my coworkers complain about their wives and girlfriends, and trying to avoid getting set up on blind dates.
Shannon: Ew.
Jaz: Ew.
Marcus: Ew.
Vikki: Male dominated field?
Jane: You could say that.
Vikki: Ew.
Jane: Valentine's day is the only day of the year that my super married best friend and super single best friend unite in trying to set me up. And everyone is trying to get me to eat chocolate. I hate it.
Marcus: You hate chocolate?
Jane: No. Not really? I just try to avoid it, it's not at all on my diet plan.
Marcus: That's mildly horrifying. Please distract me from your sad life with hockey.
Jane: The first woman to appear on the Stanley Cup was Marguerite Norris, President of the Detroit Red Wings, in 1954 and 1955.
Shannon: Nice.
Not the Boston WAGs
Mar 06, 2016 / 14:56
Vikki: After driving my daughter to all the Hunger Games movie premieres and making not one but TWO Katniss costumes (Halloween and a costume birthday party) I finally sat down to read the books.
Vikki: It was a mistake.
Marcus: Crying?
Vikki: Yeah.
Marcus: No shame in it. They get us all.
Callie: Dystopia freaks me out. I know that the authors are just looking at the current state of affairs and creatively projecting but like. It's eerie how correct some of them are going to turn out to be.
Vikki: The way you phrased that makes it seem like you know the future babe. Which I would believe of you.
Jaz: The last book I read was 50 Shades of Grey because the actual WAG group chat was raving about it. Never again.
Marcus: Picturing you staring out the window having war flashbacks.
Jaz: That's what it feels like.
Not the Boston WAGs
Mar 20, 2016 / 11:05
Vikki: Girls (including Marcus) we've committed a horrible social blunder. We're no better than the actual WAG chat.
Jane: That's just a normal Sunday for me.
Marcus: What did we do now??
Shannon: Never compare our sacred sanctuary to that cesspit again, thanks.
Vikki: It's more like what we didn't do.
Vikki: We forgot the Janniversary!
Jane: What?
Vikki: You've been in the chat for a full year as of five days ago! Janniversary! If you were in Boston or willing to give me an address I'd commission a cake. For future reference, what kind would you want?
Jane: Oh that's true.
Jane: One year ago, a bunch of random people from Boston stole my phone number for no reason and I almost had a heart attack. Also, no flavor of cake is a part of my diet, ever.
Callie: And I haven't even had to forcibly unblock us and add you back a single time!
Shannon: True, I think we can consider this cat basically tame.
Marcus: One year ago a Russian badass stole your number and added you to a groupchat for a reason you still have yet to acknowledge is true*
Vikki: Marcus you blew it! I had a whole digital celebration planned but now she's going to mute the chat and ignore us for several days.
Marcus: Sorry.
Private Chat → Jaz and Jane
Mar 20, 2016 / 12:34
Jaz: Hey sweetie.
Jaz: I don't want to overstep, because I know you're a private person, but I can't not ask.
Jane: What?
Jaz: It's not about Ilya, I promise.
Jane: Oh.
Jaz: You've just mentioned your diet a few times the past couple of months, and I wanted to check in with you about it. There are legitimate ones out there that really can help people lose weight and feel healthier, but there are also a lot of scams.
Jane: No, I know that. I'm not a teenage girl secretly starving herself to feel prettier, I'm an athlete. I have a great dietician who knows what he's doing.
Jaz: I'm glad.
Jaz: But I used to be a teenage girl secretly starving herself to feel prettier. So I know how quickly things like this can spiral.
Jane: Shit. Sorry. I didn't mean it like that.
Jane: I'm just so used to people hating on how I eat, even though I know what I'm doing and I wouldn't keep to it if it didn't make me feel better about myself and my game. It might seem joyless from the outside but it's efficient.
Jane: Sorry Jaz.
Jaz: Sweetheart, please take a breath. It's alright. I'm glad you have something that makes you feel that way. I just wanted you to know that I'm here if you ever need to talk.
Jane: I don't. But thanks anyway.
Chapter End Notes
Shane has issues with food but they are not classic eating disorder issues! His diet (at least in the later books, the show is kinda weird) is set up to give him control at the cost of joy, at a time where he has little control over his life. He eats a lot! He's a hockey player.
The thing about Shannon's sexual awakening was that the girl was never supposed to come up again but then people started talking about her in the comments and I had a stupid idea that I am running with. I hope you enjoy.
I did some minor editing yesterday because I had Jaz referring to her husband as Simon instead of Victor, and I'm going to do another pass soon to fix some minor formatting issues.
If you want to talk about this fic, or any of my others, or drop some motivation to get me through finals, my tumblr is here!
Chapter 10
Chapter Notes
I have a killer headache and my muse disappeared into the fog halfway through writing this but it's Shane's birthday! In our world and in my outline! So that worked out great.
Not the Boston WAGs
Apr 9, 2016 / 18:51
Marcus: "What doesn't kill you gives you comedy material" -Svetlana, just now, with no prompting.
Marcus: {image.4.9.16}
Marcus: I love the energy of the arena when Montreal is visiting but I am also a bit scared by it.
Jaz: Oh I didn't know you two were coming!
Marcus: Last second thing. Last game of the regular season and all.
Jaz: I'm waving at you from the WAG box.
Vikki: Jaz just go sit with them, you'll have way more fun than sitting up there with those catty bitches.
Marcus: This is true!!!
Jaz: Hmmm
Marcus: Svetlana says she got your husband to reserve you a ticket next to us bc she knew you would want to join.
Jaz: Okay you've convinced me, tell her to put those puppy dog eyes away.
Shannon: The WAG box is so far from the lower bowl, how the fuck is she hitting you with the puppy dog eyes?
Vikki: It's Sveta babe, don't question it.
Shannon: Fair enough.
Marcus: Us and Josh are going out to a bar after the game if you two want to join (Callie and Jane too, if for some reason you're in Boston and haven't announced it haha)
Shannon: Just Josh?
Marcus: Originally Svetlana was going to go out with the team but Ilya dipped for vague reasons (she has a theory but won't tell me).
Vikki: Classic her.
Vikki: I'll text my neighbor's daughter and see if she wants some babysitting hours.
Shannon: Fuck yeah.
Not the Boston WAGs
Apr 9, 2016/ 20:26
Jane: Sorry you had to watch that loss up close and personal Marcus.
Jane: Tell your partner to drink responsibly, even if he's not going to be in playoffs for very long.
Marcus: Fuck. You.
Jane: 😛
Vikki: Wow our Jane has claws tonight.
Jane: Just riding the high of victory.
Shannon: Girl you're not even the one who was playing?
Shannon: I know I was married to a pro athlete but I really do not understand sports fans at all.
Marcus: That's part of the reason you got divorced.
Not the Boston WAGs
Apr20, 2016 /11:00
Shannon: It's time to hold a funeral for Jaz's dignity
Jane: ???
Shannon: OMG hi Jane, it's been weeks
Jane: Lots of stuff happening at work rn, sorry I've been gone.
Jaz: No need to apologize sweetie, and there's no need to bring it up Shannon.
Shannon: This is a travesty and it must be addressed.
Callie: Are you being serious or joking?
Shannon: CALLIE!!!
Shannon: Wow everyone is here to witness this.
Jaz: Hello Callie! How are you?
Callie: Deeply curious, what is going on?
Vikki: I assume Shannon is talking about the WAG playoff jackets, I just saw Maria Carmichael's post.
Vikki: They are…certainly a choice.
Jaz: I was not consulted in the design.
Jaz: Or, apparently, in the sizing for mine. Getting left out of the photo shoot is kind of a relief.
Shannon: THOSE BITCHES.
Shannon: I assumed you just refused to be in it.
Callie: Okay ruining lives mode. Carmichael is the head WAG yeah?
Vikki: Yeah, or at least she acts like it since she has seniority over everyone except for Jaz.
Vikki: If only Boston's captain could lock an eligible badass down and save Jaz from tyranny…
Jaz: Guys really it's fine. I don't like being in the photos anyway.
Shannon: You know what we deserve? Our own cool not WAG accessory. Cooler than those ugly jackets and more comfortable.
Marcus: What, like pants?
Jane: Pants would probably be more practical than the jackets. They just go into a closet and stay there forever once playoffs are over.
Shannon: Can confirm, my single playoff jacket is just taking up space.
Vikki: You guys are just talking about the adult version of friendship bracelets.
Shannon: I could probably sell it for quite a bit of money since it's from the year Boston won the Cup.
Shannon: You're not wrong but you don't have to call us out like that.
Vikki: Craft & wine night? Emma's got a ton of beads and elastic string left over from a phase last year.
Marcus: You know what, I'm down.
Private Chat → Callie and Jane
Apr 30, 2016 / 12:17
Jane: Hey.
Callie: Hello Jane Doe, what can I do for you?
Jane: I can't tell if they're joking when the others talk about you knowing everything, but I figured you would be able to tell me Jaz's address, and maybe her jacket size.
Callie: It's true, I could. For the right reason.
Jane: I checked Instagram and the jackets were custom from Jostens. I have a contact there and I think I could get her a new one before round two starts.
Jane: Since there's no way the Raiders aren't winning the first round. It'll take five games tops.
Callie: Why?
Jane: Buffalo barely got that wildcard spot and everyone knows their current goalie is no good under pressure. Rozanov got a hat trick on him last time they played each other in the regular season. The team in general just doesn't have the stamina for a real playoff run.
Callie: No, I mean why would you do this for her?
Jane: Oh. I don't know.
Jane: I guess because the whole thing is fucked up and Jaz has been so nice to me.
Callie: Alright.
Callie: For the record, I can get everyone else's addresses too.
Jane: You want to send the whole chat a jacket?
Callie: Not exactly.
Not the Boston WAGs
May 10, 2016 / 8:15
Vikki: Was rushing to get the kids to school this morning and almost tripped over a box on my doorstep. The contents were much more wholesome than I assumed they would be.
Vikki: This is amazing, who did this?
Shannon: Wait I got a package too, I haven't opened it yet gimme a sec.
Marcus: Check where the return address should be lol.
Shannon: Oh my gosh!!!
Vikki: "Jane Doe, Somewhere in Montreal" no postage stamps. Jane did you hand deliver these??
Jane: No, Callie did. It was her idea too. Not sure why she put my name on it.
Jane: Or "name".
Callie: Because you paid for it, and made several helpful suggestions, and the jacket thing was your idea. I dropped them off but really they're from you.
Shannon: Jacket thing?
Jaz: I've been trying to type out a message for like ten minutes but I can't see the keyboard because I'm crying.
Jane: Oh shit.
Jane: I'm sorry.
Jaz: No sweetie they're good tears! Happy, honored ones.
Jaz: {image.5.10.16}
Jaz: I love it so much.
Shannon: You make that ugly thing look so hot!
Vikki: !!!!
Marcus: Okay the jacket looks good on you and you alone, why a bunch of blonde women who wear too much concealer chose beige jackets I will never understand but it's a great color on you.
Jane: I'm glad you like it.
Jaz: I don't even know how you did this???
Jane: Let me have my secrets.
Vikki: Secrets like your career field because this is REAL GOLD and these tiny charms also seem expensive. And you bought, five or six of them?
Callie: Seven, Svetlana got one too. Obviously Jane was not helpful in picking out the charms for her.
Marcus: Looking at the charms for the first time: an M, a shamrock, my jersey number, and a fucking diamond. Is everyone's the same?
Jane: The number and obviously the initial is different. The diamond was all Callie, but everyone has that and the shamrocks. They're meant to represent Boston because they always play "Shipping Up To Boston" at the Garden before a games. We thought about a hockey stick but I wanted something more subtle.
Shannon: Is my number meant to represent the year I got divorced from Cliff (and technically married to him)? That's so funny.
Vikki: Mine too.
Vikki: The divorce thing. Different years for me haha.
Jaz: Mine is the number Victor was using when we met. He's been wearing our wedding year since he got traded to Boston.
Marcus: That's so cute. What about you Callie, Jane? Not 81 I assume?
Callie: Inverse of Connor's number. Svetlana got the number she used when she played hockey, which was also her dad's.
Jane: Mine is 24, which is how old my parents were when they met. And the number of the best hockey player in the league, obviously.
Vikki: OH!
Vikki: IT'S SHANE HOLLANDER'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!
Vikki: WHICH IS ALSO YOURS! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Callie: That's part two of today's surprise. I booked us a table at a steakhouse downtown for a Jane-less Janeday party.
Jaz: Happy birthday sweetheart! Thank you for all the gifts.
Shannon: Happy birhtday!
Marcus: Happy birthday Jane! I hope it's a good one.
Jane: All I want is for Montreal to win the second home game tomorrow, then crush Boston at Boston after that. 😊I'm keeping my bracelet in my work bag for good luck.
Marcus: I still can't believe Ilya Rozanov is reportedly down bad for a Metros fan. But you know what, in your honor, I'll root for them tonight and only tonight.
Chapter End Notes
Shane and Ilya don't normally see each other during playoffs bc they're so intense and demanding and stressful but I think they'd make an exception for a birthday. Also WAG playoff jackets started in 2017 and took several years to take off but shhhh the Jaz jacket thing was one of the first things I planned for her character, and I liked the designer friendship bracelet thing too much to let it go.
I am floating the idea of a new not!WAG since ch11&12 will get into the new season and that means transfers. Not sure I have another character voice in me though. We'll see.
Not the Boston WAGs
June 1, 2016 / 9:14
Marcus: IT'S PRIDE MONTH BITCHES!
Shannon: Yay!
Shannon: First pride month!
Marcus: Baby's first pride hell yeahhhhh.
Shannon: I'm so excited, I want to go to all the parades and events and everything I can. Elena is coming down for a long weekend for the big parade, and we've got the whole thing planned out.
Shannon: I feel like a kid on Christmas.
Marcus: Gay Christmas! Month long Christmas!
Marcus: A time of joy and love but also reflection on all the people who got us here, and all the things that still have to be done.
Jaz: Happy pride month you two ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Vikki: Yes! I am considering taking the kids to the parade or something this year.
Jane: You think Marlow would be alright with that?
Jane: Just because. He's a hockey player.
Jane: Obviously not all players are homophobic.
Jane: But yeah.
Vikki: He's not the most enlightened guy ever, and I don't think he's ever knowingly talked to a gay person, but he'd be fine with it. And if not, he can deal.
Jaz: The same goes for my husband.
Marcus: Eh.
Vikki: Unless you know something we don't?
Marcus: I don't know something necessarily. But I can tell you from experience that the shit that gets said in locker rooms on the ice is not always what they're saying at home and around their wives (or ex wives, in this case).
Marcus: Sometimes it's not even what they actually think. Just locker room culture. Shit's fucked up sometimes.
Jane: Yeah.
Marcus: But now I've brought the mood down, oh no.
Jane: Lesbian hockey fact?
Marcus: I love hockey lesbians!
Jane: Jayna Hefford, four time Olympic gold medalist in hockey for team Canada, is married to and has two kids with American Olympic hockey player Kathleen Kauth.
Marcus: No one is doing it like the lesbians!!!
Jaz: I can't imagine competing at that level against someone I love. I don't even like playing mean in Uno against Victor.
Jane: Haha yeah that would be crazy.
Not the Boston WAGs
June 10, 2016 / 21:56
Marcus: Okay apparently pride is cancelled why do the fuckass metros have another cup.
Callie: At the very least, return of drunk Jane, yes?
Marcus: Oooh good point.
Marcus: I love drunk Jane, I need her to come home from the war.
Marcus: At this point, I'm the one who's going to be drunk texting. Ilya Rozanov knows how to throw a fucking pity party. He's broken out the good shit.
Marcus: Uuuh I wish Josh and I had watched from home though, I want to snuggle and not get called slurs for it. Rozy gets to lay in Sveta's lap and she's petting his hair that should be ME!
Callie: Sorry dude.
Private Chat → Lily and Jane
June 10, 2016 / 22:13
Lily: Lucky.
Jane: The luckiest ;)
Not the Boston WAGs
June 11, 2016 / 10:23
Jane: Sorry to disappoint, Marcus.
Jane: Way too much champaign found its way into my phone instead of my mouth. Spent the morning trying to get a new one before the Cup parade.
Marcus: You know what, I don't even CARE that I'm not at a Stanley cup parade rn because I'm at Pride with my partner and my friends and it's great.
Marcus: {image.6.11.16}
Jane: Oh.
Jane: Have fun.
Jane: Kane went too?
Marcus: Yeah, we always do and just don't post ourselves on public social media profiles.
Jane: He's not worried about getting outed?
Marcus: He says getting outed is for mainstream sexualities, which he might have a point about since he's been wearing an ace ring (black, worn on the right middle finger) since college and an aro one (white, left middle finger) since they were pitched on AVEN last year. No one has questioned it.
Jane: That's nice.
Shannon: Okay maybe slight emergency.
Jaz: You alright?
Jane: What?
Shannon: Elena is acting weird.
Shannon: Like super weird.
Shannon: I thought I was imagining it but Vikki says so too.
Marcus: Gimme a sec, where did you guys go?
Vikki: We're near the horse statue.
Marcus: On my way.
Vikki: I would like to point out that this is the first time I'm meeting Elena so my opinion on if she's acting weird is based on nothing but vibes, and I call on Marcus' freaky former goalie powers of perception to figure this out.
Marcus: Okay I see you guys.
Not the Boston WAGs
June 11, 2016 / 14:18
Callie: Okay it's been hours, give us the tea.
Jane: I didn't want to be nosy but I hope everything is okay.
Shannon: It's not.
Shannon: I think I got dumped.
Shannon: By a girl I wasn't even really dating.
Shannon: Fuck.
Jaz: I'm sorry Shannon. You can tell us as much or little as you want, but we're here for you
Jane: ❤️
Vikki: I can explain more if you don't want to Shannon? I feel like it's kind of my fault anyway.
Shannon: It's not! Do not blame yourself.
Marcus: I don't think it's anyone's fault.
Shannon: I think maybe talking about it here might help me process it.
Shannon: Actually, do we think Svetlana would be willing to make a temporary exception to her no group chats rule? I'm going to have to talk to her about my first big lesbian heartbreak at some point and I want her opinion now instead of double texting everything.
Vikki: I can ask. Please hold.
(Svetlana has been added to Not the Boston WAGs)
Svetlana: So who am I killing?
Shannon: No one.
Shannon: Maybe Cliff? This all seems to lead back to him, for whatever fucking reason.
Jaz: He was there too?
Vikki: No, but I agree that things got weird when he was brought up.
Svetlana: Start from the beginning please.
Shannon: Okay so Elena came down to Boston for the weekend, so we could do some pride stuff like the parade and I thought maybe we were going to make the jump from the talking stage to actually dating. It's been great even with the distance and I was so optimistic about her meeting Marcus and Vikki and the kids.
Shannon: She knows I was married, it was a fast engagement and an even faster divorce that kinda fucked me up for a bit. We literally met when I was panicking in a club bathroom about running into Cliff.
Shannon: She even knows I'm friends with his other ex wife. But when Vikki introduced herself as a Marlow, Elena got…weird.
Vikki: I put Max in the shirt he got at this years Pride night game with Cliff's name and number on the back and she connected it to the hockey player.
Vikki: But she brought up Cliff's brother Glen specifically, which I guess makes sense because she's from New York and he plays for the Admirals.
Shannon: I know her friend who lives in Boston, Kip, is a fan but not super enthusiastic about it.
Svetlana: Probably because both the NY teams are awful.
Shannon: Things only got weirder when Marcus and Josh found us. Both of them were also in Raiders pride gear.
Marcus: It's the only pride stuff he owns! We didn't really touch on our partnership and you know we don't act like a couple but she figured out Josh was a player and asked pretty much the same questions that Jane did about him being there.
Jaz: Maybe she has bad associations with the league or hockey. Or just sports in general.
Shannon: I don't know. I wish she would just TELL me how she was feeling instead of going all stone faced and quiet for the rest of the day, then making up an excuse about needing to head back to NY early because of her job.
Svetlana: Sadly, even when you're not dating men, it's not always smooth sailing and seamless communication.
Svetlana: I wish I could fix this for you, but since you won't let me kill someone, I'm going with the next best option and getting us a spa day. Full package.
Callie: Let's not take murder off the table yet. Or more investigation.
Shannon: Sveta, I would love that. Callie, please don't. If she wants to talk to me then she will but I'm not going to be pushy.
Jaz: Spa day sounds great. Ice cream tonight also sounds great. My treat?
Shannon: ❤️
Svetlana: It's a plan.
Svetlana: Ladies, Marcus, it's been a pleasure.
(Svetlana has left Not the Boston WAGs)
Marcus: We hate to see a legend leave.
Jaz: What kind of ice cream does everyone want?
Callie: Mint chocolate chip.
Vikki: Gross.
Vikki: Wait are you in town?
Callie: No.
Vikki: ☹️
Not the Boston WAGs
June 29, 2016 / 13:21
Jane: Sunscreen is important.
Vikki: I am always telling my kids this.
Jaz: You're not wrong, Jane.
Jaz: Did something prompt this declaration or…?
Jane: Just a public service announcement.
Jane: Nothing to do with me whatsoever.
Marcus: Haha Jane is defo sunburnt as HELL right now.
Jane: If I was, and I'm not saying I am, it wouldn't be as painful as all of the "I told you so's" from my mom, or annoying as all of my friends calling me a hypocrite since normally I'm the one getting onto them for not wearing sunscreen.
Shannon: Gotta love our Jane Doe, who disappears for week s at a time and pops back up to give PSAs
Jane: Sorry.
Jane: I've been on vacation.
Shannon: In the sun?
Jane: In the sun.
Jane: {image.6.29.16}
Marcus: Jet ski!!!!
Jane: Rhymes with Gretzky.
Jane: God I miss hockey.
Vikki: Can't relate, Cliff took the kids to Disney Land for the week and I've never been more relaxed.
Not the Boston WAGs
July 8, 2016 / 13:21
Shannon: New month, new me.
Shannon: I officially have my schedule for my first semester of college.
Shannon: Not a ton of architecture related stuff yet, apparently i have to do some gen eds in addition to my intro classes. But I'm still super excited!
Jane: College seems like such a scam, what do you mean you don't get to do architecture stuff until later?
Marcus: Gen eds are good for rounding out your education. They're especially important for us that grew up in the American public school system. The first proper sex ed I ever got was my freshman year of college because one of my gen ed professors needed people going into her program to know the basics before they got deeper into it.
Jane: That's horrifying.
Jane: And explains some stuff about the young Americans I have known.
Jane: Not that they're that much better than a lot of the Canadians etc.
Vikki: As someone who got pregnant with my first kid at 18, I can confirm that the state of sex ed in the good ol US of A is abysmal.
Vikki: Oh god I'm going to have to give Emma The Talk pretty soon. How the fuck am I going to do that?
Jane: My mom gave me a book about bodies and consent, then told me I had a week to study and if I passed her quiz we'd never have to talk about it again. I was highly motivated and no accidental pregnancies have occurred, so I say that strategy works.
Vikki: I want to be like. Queer inclusive though. Are there books about that? Ones that are appropriate for a thirteen year old?
Marcus: Uh. I could try and find some if you want help?
Vikki: I would appreciate it.
Shannon: Elena might have some recs? That seems like the sort of thing her and her friends would be good at. A ton of them have degrees in gender studies and stuff, she's the outlier business tech.
Marcus: Booo we don't need her input.
Shannon: No it's chill. The breakup was weird and awful but it was a month ago and I do want to try and be friends still.
Marcus: BOOOOOOO
Chapter End Notes
Long update! Almost double the normal chapter. It was not supposed to be this long, but while doing a bit of research I realized that Shane would have won his second cup the same week as the Pulse shooting. So that brought down my mood and I channeled some of my old grief into angst for Shannon. It might be weird to confirm Elena's ID and break them up all in one chapter but whatever. At least we have Svetlana in the chat for a moment!
(Please note that Jane went quiet the moment Svetlana was added and then dipped for weeks. Trust, Shane went over her messages a thousand times, judging his competition that isn't competition because he doesn't CARE what Rozanov does. Or who.)
The weird thing about writing something that takes place 10 years ago is that I have to make sure my trivia is consistent with the timeline. This article (https://www.them.us/story/usa-canada-womens-hockey-weddings) details more Canada/USA hockey romances but I had to stick with the one Shane would have known about at the time.
Aro and ace rings are a real thing, you can learn more about them here: https://aspeculations.wixsite.com/aspeculations/post/ace-and-aro-rings
The Yuna Hollander sex ed method is from this fic. The gen ed course turned sex ed happened to me in college.
You might have noticed this is part of a series. I've been bouncing around ideas for some nontext fic additions to this universe. A lot of them won't come until later in the timeline but I might add my character notes to the series description to help people who are confused. I also am so willing to answer questions over on my tumblr. Begging to, even.
Next chapter will carry us through August, September, and October before lucky number 13 lands us in November 2016. I'm sure it will be a great one for Shane.
Not the Boston WAGs
Aug 2, 2016 / 13:09
Jaz: {folder.colorado.XXX}
Jaz: Vacation update! We had an amazing trip, I feel like the lack of cell service up in the mountains forcing us to unplug was great. I never knew summer weather could be this enjoyable and not needing to bathe in bug spray before spending the day outside made me way more motivated to do so.
Marcus: I'm so glad you guys enjoyed it! Colorado is amazing in the summer, especially compared to Massachusets. I can't even imagine what Louisiana feels like in the hotter months,
Jaz: In a word, miserable.
Jaz: I love my home state but it does not always love me back.
Jaz: {image.8.2.16}
Jaz: Victor's ability to sleep anywhere amazes me.
Jane: I've never understood being able to sleep in an airport but sometimes I wish I could. That doesn't look comfortable.
Vikki: Ouch, my back hurts just looking at him.
Not the Boston WAGs
Aug 14, 2016 / 12:54
Shannon: Okay amazing news about college everyone.
Shannon: Architecture does not require a lot of math.
Shannon: I'll still have to take one or two gen eds for it, but my life will not be math forever like I thought.
Jane: Oh yay!
Jane: Do you get to chose the math you're taking? Personally, I've always thought stats was the most useful one.
Shannon: Noted. I do have a bit of choice, I think. A problem for next semester.
Vikki: Have you gotten your school supplies yet? I'm going to take the kids sometime this week, Max has a list but Emma doesn't because high school (I'm totally not panicking over the fact that my baby is about to be a freshman) so you two could bounce ideas off each other. Maybe get matching notebooks or something.
Shannon: I would love that!!
Marcus: Fuck yeah college school shopping.
Marcus: I used to rock up to my 8 am art history lecture with my dinosaur backpack and matching lunchbox with my breakfast in it (didn't ever had time to eat before class after morning weights) and I was the coolest guy there.
Jane: Dinosaur backpack?
Marcus: Don't judge me for having whimsy Jane Doe!
Jane: Typical goalie behavior…
Marcus: Hey!
Jane: Did you wear thirteen pairs of socks and vomit before tests too? Refuse to go to class when the moon was in the wrong position?
Marcus: Someone is feeling very rude today.
Shannon: Literally what the hell are you talking about?
Marcus: I'm getting bullied. Someone do something! @Jaz @Vikki .
Jaz: Nah.
Vikki: Nah.
Marcus: WOW.
Marcus: I'm not even that weird for a goalie c'mon :((((
Callie: No one normal can juggle.
Marcus: You can also juggle though?
Callie: You're proving my point for me.
Not the Boston WAGs
Sept 3, 2016 / 20:14
Callie: Hello beautiful people in my phone.
Jane: Hello?
Callie: I love you all very much,
Callie: Oh. I didn't think any of you would be awake.
Jane: Timezones.
Callie: Yes, past midnight.
Jane: Not for me, right now. Work trip.
Callie: So many work trips.
Jane: Haha yeah.
Jane: Any reason you're up texting past midnight? Or just your normal weird sleep schedule.
Callie: Past three am for me. And both, I guess. My boyfriend has his phone sound on so I can't tispy text him or he'll wake up and want to call about it.
Jane: What are you up to in Greenwich mean time?
Callie: Did you look up the timezone conversion or do you have that memorized?
Jane: Timezones have very little to do with hockey. Obviously I don't have them memorized.
Callie: Right. My bad for suggesting you have nonhockey related quirks.
Jane: You're forgiven.
Jane: If you tell me what's bothering you?
Callie: Who says anything is bothering me?
Jane: You're tipsy and texting us instead of Connors.
Callie: Fine. You win.
Callie: I fucking miss him so bad.
Callie: But that's not allowed. I am the aloof and unaffected and mysterious nonmonogamous girlfriend. I shouldn't be crying over cups.
Jane: Cups?
Callie: The place we're staying has the same cups that Connors does at his place in Boston.
Callie: Or close enough to kill me with homesickness. I've never been homesick before. Benefit of never having a home. But I think he might be mine.
Jane: Oh.
Jane: That sounds complicated.
Callie: It feels complicated. It wasn't supposed to be.
Callie: I need to sleep. Be at the top of my game. But instead I'm looking at the ocean and wishing I was there or he was here or there was some third place for just us, where everything wasn't so complicated.
Jane: I understand. More than I should.
Jane: I wish I could fix it.
Callie: Sometimes listening is enough.
Callie: I'm going to wipe this conversation. The others don't need to see my sad ramblings.
Jane: Can you do that?
Callie: Sweet sweet Jane. I can do almost anything.
Callie: Good night.
Jane: Good night.
Not the Boston WAGs
Sept 18 , 2016 / 08:14
Shannon: I had a dream last night that Jane and I were detectives traveling the country, solving mysteries and petting cats because for some reason everyone we interviewed had a cat. We took one of Ilya's fancy sports cars and Jane drove even though I told her you're not supposed to drive with a hockey mask on. We parked in a field in Kansas at night to look at the stars and we could see the whole galaxy going on and on forever and then Monstrance Clock by Ghost started playing.
Hayden, Hayden's Legal Wife, and Hayden's Work Wife
Oct 8 , 2016 / 15:47
Shane: Congratulations Jackie!
Hayden: Oh so now congrats are in order?
Hayden: Don't let this guy fool you, his initial reaction was "What?? Again??"
Shane: You broke the news by casually saying that the reason you wanted my help in taking the kids out today was because Jackie's morning sickness was even worse this time than during the last two pregnancies!
Jackie: Not your smoothest moment babe.
Jackie: And thank you Shane! I'm so excited, even if this one was (another ) accident and Hayden is getting a vasectomy as soon as possible and I need to drop my OB/GYN bc the birth control I was on was not as good as advertised.
Hayden: You're just a statistical anomaly babe ❤️
Jackie: WE are a statistical anomaly ❤️
Shane: Okay weirdos.
Jackie: You would understand if you'd ever been in love. Hayd, did you tell him about Beatrice?
Hayden: I did! I even showed him the pictures.
Jackie: And what did he say?
Shane: You know I'm still here, right?
Hayden: Same old Shane. "Oh she's pretty but I'm really focused on hockey right now, I don't really have time for dating…"
Jackie: Pretty?? Bea is fucking gorgeous, if I were not straight and married with kids I would be dating her myself.
Jackie: Also, we're still on for Thanksgiving at our house right? My sister finally figured out her husband is gay and they're in the process of getting divorce rn but he's still coming to help corral the kids and I think you being there will prevent the worst of the drama.
Shane: Fine. But only if you make the turkey the way I like.
Jackie: Do you even know who you're talking to? Have you ever once not been provided food you can eat at my house?
Shane: No. Sorry.
Jackie: Exactly. And no sorries, you know I love a challenge.
Jackie: Nothing but the best for my husband's work wife.
Shane: I can't believe that bit has lasted this long.
Not the Boston WAGs
Oct 19, 2016 / 14:28
Jaz: Benefits of marrying a hot Canadian hockey star: he's rich and speaks sexy french and has suuuch good stamina
Jaz: Cons of marrying a hot Canadian hockey star: two thanksgivings
Jaz: I love both of our families so much but oh my lord this is a lot of holiday stuff. We just got done with the Canadian stuff earlier this month and now my phone is exploding with my family trying to plan. As soon as that wraps up, Christmas season! I'm a fucking mess.
Vikki: Try coordinating two Thanksgivings and two Christmases.
Jaz: True.
Jaz: How is the scheduling working out this year, do you know yet?
Vikki: Somehow neither of us is celebrating with the kids on either holiday.
Shannon: How??
Vikki: Our mutual ex husband's handwriting has somehow gotten even worse and I've been too tired to rework the plan since he (yes HE) noticed that particular flaw.
Shannon: Lowkey I would disappear into the desert in shame if I were you.
Vikki: I'm considering it.
Vikki: The desert would be quieter.
Private Chat → Callie and Svetlana
Oct 23, 2016 / 23:14
Svetlana: Okay I might have fucked up.
Svetlana: Finally asked Illusha about his Jane and got completely shut down.
Callie: Shut down how?
Svetlana: Normal Ilya stuff. Deflection, blatant lies, ignoring my excellent points about them texting for YEARS. As long as he's been in North America, basically.
Callie: He is still doing better than Jane, who still steadfast refuses to admit to even knowing Rozanov, much less caring for him.
Svetlana: Ugh. I was hoping to get to speak to her during my brief time in the chat but nothing. I guess that's understandable given the circumstance.
Callie: Which circumstances? You and Ilya, or you stealing Jane's number?
Svetlana: Shut up.
Svetlana: I should have snooped when I had the chance.
Callie: Anything I know is yours if only you ask.
Svetlana: I'm not a cheater. I'll figure this out on my own or not at all.
Svetlana: Did I tell you Marcus thinks Ilya is attracted to Jane because he's projecting his homoerotic feelings about Shane Hollander onto her?
Callie: I mean…
Callie: I can see the similarities.
Callie: Maybe he just wants to be a sugar baby. You should have seen Jane's jet ski. I'm so jealous.
Svetlana: I spend every summer in fucking Moscow, we should go somewhere warm and out of the way next summer, maybe down South. Girls trip.
Callie: Chat trip?
Callie: Maybe Jane will even be in a position to come by then.
Svetlana: After all these years that would require some major shake ups.
Callie: Fingers crossed.
Chapter End Notes
13 pairs of socks/vomiting before a game/not wanting to play if the moon was in the wrong position/being able to juggle are all real things a few weird goalies did that I read about.
Tiny Callie emotional arc in this, inspired by a huge bout of homesickness I had a few months ago at the smell of shampoo that a friend's mom used to use, and I would use when I spent the night.
Shannon's dream is pieced together from some of mine and my friend's.
Thank you to the aspec community for correcting me on which ring goes on rich hand (I double checked myself and somehow still typed it out wrong). Everyone please feel free to point out mistakes/typoes otherwise i only notice them while rereading chapters for reference months later and get embarrassed. Especially ones in the chat titles and date/time thing because that's so tricky to upload, though I think I found an easier way.
Private Chat —> Lily and Jane
Nov 5, 2016 / 12:10
Lily: 🍆 💦 🍑 ❓
Jane: You're so gross.
Jane: And it's the middle of the day.
Lily: Yes. Plenty of time.
Jane: Way harder to sneak in and out of hotel rooms in the middle of the day.
Lily: Yes.
Lily: So come to my house.
Lily: Traffic is not so bad this time of day, and is worth the commute.
Lily: {google.maps.location.}
Jane: Fine.
Jane: ETA 30 minutes.
Lily: 🎉
Not the Boston WAGs
Nov 5, 2016 / 15:55
Shannon: I can't believe you guys haven't seen V for Vendetta, it's a classic.
Shannon: In hindsight, I should have known I was queer given my obsession with Natalie Portman.
Marcus: RIP Padme, she's so hot in the SW prequels.
Shannon: {image.5.11.16}
Shannon: 😍
Marcus: Oh I know the Guy Fawkes mask thing.
Shannon: Wait that bit is real?
Marcus: Yeah I had a friend in middle school whose mom was British and I used to go over to their house on bonfire night and burn a straw dummy and eat a ton of snack foods.
Marcus: They stopped letting us come over after we almost threw his younger brother into the fire.
Vikki: You what.
Marcus: It was just a joke! I had a good grip on his leg the whole time, nothing was going to happen.
Callie: Remember, remember, the 5th of November,
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason
Why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, 'twas his intent
To blow up the King and the Parliament
Three score barrels of powder below
Poor old England to overthrow
By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match
Holler boys, holler boys, let the bells ring
Holler boys, holler boys
God save the King!
Callie: Except actually, fuck the monarchy. Especially the fucking English monarchy.
Callie: Hm…gunpowder treason part 2?
Jaz: Please don't get this chat subpoenaed for terrorism by a foreign government.
Callie: Fiiiiiiine. Be boring like that.
(Jane has left Not the Boston WAGs)
Marcus: Wow, Jane did not want to be implicated in Callie's future anti-monarchy crimes.
Shannon: Does the Queen still control Canada?
(Jane has been added to Not the Boston WAGs)
(Jane has left Not the Boston WAGs)
Vikki: The fuck?
(Jane has been added to Not the Boston WAGs)
Jaz: Jane, is everything alright?
Jane: No.
(Jane has left Not the Boston WAGs)
(Jane has been added to Not the Boston WAGs)
Jane: Quit adding me back! This was a mistake.
Jaz: What is sweetheart?
Jane: Rozanov.
Jane: This chat.
Jane: Fucking all of it.
Marcus: Woah did Jane just acknowledge knowing Rozy for the first time?
Vikki: So not the time, read the room Marcus!
Vikki: Jane, we're your friends. No matter what happened, no matter what he did, we're here for you.
Jane: He didn't do anything.
Jane: I mean, he did. But he didn't hurt me if that's what you think.
Jane: He was just weird. Everything was weird and fucked up and this whole affair is so messed up and impossible but it's over now and time to move on.
(Jane has left Not the Boston WAGs)
(Jane has been added to Not the Boston WAGs)
Vikki: Like I said at the beginning, I can do this all day.
Jane: Why bother?
Shannon: Even if you and Ilya are over, you're still one of us. Me and Vikki are divorced! I don't even have kids to connect me to Cliff, but I'm still here because friendship.
Jane: You guys don't even know me.
Jaz: Maybe that was true a year and a half ago but, sometimes despite your best efforts, we DO know you Jane. Maybe not everything, maybe not even what you look like or what you do for work, but we know that you're funny and dependable and that you love hockey and you've always been there for us, so let us be there for you.
Shannon: You gave us friendship bracelets, you can't back out now just because of a MAN.
Marcus: What Shannon said.
Callie: youte so cool and I will ahck tou if yu try to leae 🦏
Vikki: ???
Callie: gtg luvu sll 🌿
Shannon: Typical Callie behavior.
Jane: Alright fine.
Vikki: You'll stay?
Jane: Yeah.
Jane: Muting notifications for a bit though. I need some distance.
Vikki: Understood.
Vikki: Same rule as always, you can tell us as little or as much as you want to ❤️
Jaz: ❤️
Shannon: ❤️
Marcus: Idk I think Callie was on to something with the rhino 🦏
Marcus: Wait shit the boys are in Boston rn and play tomorow does that mean Jane is in Boston at this very moment and wasn't even going to tell us???
Vikki: MARCUS
Marcus: Right. Minding my own business.
Marcus: ❤️
Lily (BLOCKED NUMBER) and Jane
Nov 5, 2016 / 16:12
Lily: You left your jacket. (unsent)
Lily: And your shirt. (unsent)
Lily: Jane? (unsent)
Lily: Hollander? (unsent)
Lily: Messages are not delivering. (unsent)
Lily: Did you block me? (unsent)
Lily: Now who's immature? (unsent)
Lily: Coward. (unsent)
Chapter End Notes
Asking Marcus about queer theory or hockey: 🎓 🧑🏫
Marcus in any other situation: 🤡
Originally Callie accidentally sent a hedgehog instead of a heart but the hedgehog emoji didn't come out for another few months. Why did she suddenly have to leave the conversation and text without looking at her keyboard? I have ideas but I'll leave it up to your all's imagination.
Until I get a paid summer job (fingers crossed) I'm hoping to do a weekly update schedule until this is done, snice I'm only busy 3 days out of the week rn. Who knows though.
Chapter 14
Chapter Notes
Bit of a weird format today, but we will be back to our regularly scheduled Not the Boston WAGs shenanigans (with a bit more angst) next chapter.
Private Chat → Victor💛 and Jaz💚
Nov 10, 2016 / 7:22
Jaz: Darling husband?
Victor: Darling wife?
Jaz: Care to explain why I woke up to an empty bed but a couch full of Russian hockey player? Currently stinking up my grandmother's quilt?
Victor: Ody's got our only guest bedroom.
Jaz: I assumed when we decided to billet a rookie, we'd stop keeping guests over night after poker.
Victor: I know that was the plan, but Roz was way too drunk to put in a cab and when Ody tried to get him to take his bed, Roz started crying.
Jaz: I'm fine with your friends/teammates staying over but I would have liked a warning before he scared the Jesus out of me.
Victor: Sorry. Out grabbing breakfast, thought I would get back before you woke up.
Victor: Honestly he scared me a bit yesterday. He's been in a foul mood since we lost to Montreal, which isn't unusual, but the only time I've seen him cry or get that drunk was after our Cup win. Very different vibe.
Victor: He tried to drunkenly order us to do bag skates too. Not sure if he was just mad at us for taking away his vodka or genuinely confused about where we were.
Jaz: Poor boy.
Jaz: If he throws up on my grandmother's quilt, I might actually kill you both though.
Victor: Yes ma'am
Private Chat → Rose and Shane
Nov 18, 2016 / 01:09
Rose: Hey Shane! As requested, letting you know I got back to the hotel alright.
Rose: I had a really good time talking to you tonight. Even if our discussions about certain things must remain top secret forever.
Shane: Me too. I'm really glad JJ talked me into coming out.
Shane: To the restaurant, I mean.
Shane: Speaking of, would you want to get lunch tomorrow?
Shane: Or today, I guess.
Rose: More like breakfast to me, I don't plan on getting up until the last possible moment.
Shane: I wish that were me. I have to be at the practice facility at nine.
Rose: Oh to be young again…
Shane: You are not even two years older than me.
Rose: Aw! You looked me up, how sweet.
Rose: Just let me know where/when. Goodnight Shane.
Shane: Goodnight.
Private Chat → Cliff and Vikki
Nov 19 , 2016 / 15:39
Cliff: Hey, just a heads up, I'm running a bit behind schedule to pick up Max.
Cliff: And it's totally not my fault this time.
Vikki: Okay.
Cliff: No for real, I had to drive Rozy home. But I just dropped him off. ETA fifteen minutes.
Vikki: Is he alright?
Cliff: Jammed his toe in the weight room today. Not enough to take him off the ice, but he's sore from practicing on it afterwards and with the power in his cars, none of us wanted him driving around and maybe accidentally flooring it through traffic.
Vikki: Oddly responsible of you.
Vikki: Wait are you texting and driving right now?
Cliff: Haha I would never.
Vikki: Goddamn it.
Private Chat → Rose and Shane
Nov 20, 2016 / 17:25
Rose: Heeeey
Shane: Hey?
Rose: Have you been online at all this afternoon? Or gotten a call from your publicist?
Shane: I don't actually have a publicist. I have an agent for hockey stuff and a manager for image stuff.
Shane: And no.
Rose: Well, maybe expect a call from that manager and stay offline if you're sensitive.
Shane: Professional hockey players can't afford to be sensitive.
Rose: About your playing ability, sure, but my fans don't care about that.
Rose: The photos from us getting lunch yesterday are going super viral. Ignore any of the quotes from "a source close to me" bc those are basically always bullshit.
Rose: Actually my publicist wants to talk to your manager about how to handle this, one on one instead of going through us. Only if you're comfortable with it!
Shane: Oh god call incoming from manager.
Rose: Answer it then? It's not like you're a kid sent to the principal's office for bad behavior, you're a fully grown man who's allowed to go on dates.
Shane: No but.
Shane: My manager is actually my mom. Who is also a big fan of your movies, and is only lowkey about my love life when compared to how highkey she is about my career.
Rose: Oh.
Rose: Yeah maybe run.
Private Chat → Josh and Marcus
Nov 26, 2016 / 16:29
Josh: Do you want orange chicken or seasame chicken?
Josh: And did you eat my ice packs?
Marcus: What?
Josh: For dinner.
Marcus: Yeah I got that. But you only bring home Chinese when you're upset.
Marcus: And once again, I did not eat your ice packs. I did, however, eat the bag of frozen Great Value corn that you keep in the freezer instead of ice packs.
Josh: They're better than normal ice packs.
Marcus: You're such a weirdo.
Josh: I'm about to order, which one do you want?
Josh: I got you sesame.
Marcus: ❤️
Josh: Home in 45 min w/ dinner.
Josh: It would be sooner but I have to stop and get an ice pack.
Marcus: Did you get injured at practice today?
Josh: You could say that.
Josh: You could also say I punched Rozanov in the face.
Marcus: Josh what???
Josh: I know, I know.
Josh: He's just been in a really pissy mood all month and torturing us with bag skates because of it and I snapped.
Marcus: I wasn't aware the NHL let players set the work out schedule for the day.
Josh: They don't but he's a conniving, self punishing bastard who talked our conditioning coach into it to distract himself and when I called him out to his face about it, he got angry and I got angrier back and now my knuckles are swelling.
Marcus: Oh.
Josh: You sure you can't tell me anything about why he's been so up and down recently?
Marcus: You know the not WAG chat is sacred and I'm sworn to complete secrecy!
Josh: Yeah, yeah.
Josh: I just feel bad. Asshole or not, he's my captain and my friend. I wish I could help.
Marcus: Believe me, you're not the only one.
Josh: Our order's ready, home soon.
Marcus: The cats and I will be waiting.
Private Chat → Rose and Shane
Dec 2, 2016 / 13:45
Shane: {image.12.2.16}
Rose: LOL
Rose: At this point they're going to drive up the price of roses in Montreal
Shane: I'm shocked there isn't already a shortage.
Shane: They can't keep doing this, if nothing else then for the sake of the custodial team. The petals get everywhere.
Rose: I think it's sweet that your teammates are so supportive of us.
Rose: I'm still not over going home for Thanksgiving and all my brothers groaning in unison when they realized I wasn't lying about not bringing you home.
Rose: It's not even been a month!
Shane: Yeah I'm still fending off my parents questions about it. Mom got so huffy when I let it slip that Hayden and Jackie are going to get to meet you first.
Shane: Speaking of, we're still on for tomorrow, right?
Rose: Of course! I'm excited to meet your best friend for real, and his wife sounds great from everything you've told me.
Shane: Do not tell her I told you this but Jackie is so nervous.
Rose: I really am just a person.
Shane: I know! She knows too, and I think if you were meeting her when she wasn't super pregnant it would be fine, but she's self concious rn.
Rose: God, I can't imagine being pregnant. I was the little girl who always insisted I didn't want a husband or kids. Adults constantly told me I would change my mind and while I've come around on boys since, making a tiny human in my body sounds so freaky.
Shane: Yeah Jackie was the first pregnant woman I was ever around and the first time she mentioned the baby squishing her insides I almost threw up.
Rose: For real!!! It's like a horror movie to me.
Shane: Perhaps your next big hit? Surely no one would kidnap a woman pregnant with an alien.
Rose: Don't even joke about that Shane. God.
Private Chat → CC and Callie
Dec 8, 2016 / 12:16
CC: U up?
Callie: Barely
CC: Pick a meal.
CC: This hotel has crazy great room service, we could even have breakfast together if you want (it's past ten pm here)
Callie: Ooh long distance date time?
Callie: Sorry about your game btw.
CC: Ugh I don't want to talk about it.
CC: But it means a lot to me that you checked the score.
Callie: It's lunch time here, let me look around and see what there is. Do you want to match meals exactly or just similar vibe?
CC: Match if we can.
CC: I miss you.
Callie: I miss you too.
CC: Shit date postponed. Cap is insisting he needs to get laid so apparently we're all going clubbing. In Montreal. A city that loves hockey and hates us. Surely this won't go badly at all.
CC: This might be the last time you hear from me.
Callie: I will avenge your death.
Callie: Even if it means going to fucking Canada.
CC: I could probably slip away after a couple minutes, it won't take Roz long to find a girl and none of the others care at all what I do.
Callie: Noooo at least one of us should be getting laid. I'm too busy for video sex or picking up right now.
CC: Maybe.
CC: I could find a girl who doesn't mind photos or videos.
Callie: Tempting.
CC: I could do the trick you taught me with the security systems, and you could watch me dance/pick up with the club cameras.
Callie: Even more temping.
CC: I love you.
Callie: I love you too.
Callie: Now go have some fun.
CC: Sir yes sir.
Private Chat → Rose and Shane
Dec 10, 2016 / 10:15
Rose: Hey, would tonight be a good night for that dinner?
Rose: I got reservations. Just for the two of us.
Shane: Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
Chapter End Notes
Callie and Connors (CC) attempting to out freak Hollanov here.
Chapter 15
Chapter Notes
Sorry if I led you to believe the angst was over. As promised, there are some shenanigans in there too. Timeline of this chapter and the last are overlapping, similar to role model and the long game, because I liked the formatting of Not WAGs with their players/Rose and Shane.
Same as the show, the DMs are labeled however the other person has them saved.
Not the Boston WAGS
Nov 21, 2016 / 18:44
Shannon: @Jane your twin got a girlfriend!
Vikki: Oh my gosh, Rose Landry? I didn't even know she was filming in Montreal. I loved the first X Squad movie.
Jaz: Boston WAG chat is blowing up about it, it's so funny. They're dragging her for wearing his jersey.
Jane: Okay I will admit, this is a hole in my hockey knowledge. Why is that a big deal?
Shannon: JANE! You're here!
Jane: You literally summoned me.
Jaz: As with most official WAG things, it's kind of stupid, but the girlfriend/wife wearing the jersey is looked down upon bc she's supposed to be better than the average fan so wearing one in public is supposedly embarrassing.
Jaz: But they go on and on about jersey sex in the group chat.
Vikki: Which is so overrated in my opinion, it's hot the first few times and right after the wedding. Not really after that.
Vikki: But I'm divorced, so my opinions might not be universal.
Jane: Thanks for explaining Jaz.
Marcus: Okay but she's Rose fucking Landry, she can do whatever she wants.
Marcus: Also, her and Hollander? A bisexual's wetdream. Is that weird to say? I know he's Jane's twin and our team's rival but that man is HOT. Good for both of them.
Marcus: We actually went to the same development camp in upstate New York one summer and he's terrifying as fuck from the pov of a goalie but was so sweet and cool off ice.
Jane: Wait what?
Marcus: Yeah I wasn't good enough to be invited back and he was TOO good to go a second time but it makes for a cool story.
Jane: You never mentioned that before???
Jane: Also he is NOT my twin.
Shannon: Girl, whatever.
Shannon: Looking at some paparazzi photo from them after the game and wow, they are a pansexual wet dream as well.
Marcus: Right!
Not the Boston WAGS
Nov 25, 2016 / 8:13
Vikki: it's so weird that online shopping has basically killed Black Friday as we know it. Me and my coworker Marissa hit all the hot spots this morning and I don't even have any bruises from it. Where's the fight? The bloodthirst? Can we even call ourselves American anymore?
Jane: Vikki what the fuck.
Private Chat → Marcus and Jane
Dec 9, 2016 / 10:02
Jane: Hey.
Jane: Could I ask you a maybe slightly invasive question?
Marcus: OMG!
Marcus: Jane Doe you could ask me for my kidney and I would give it. A slightly invasive question is nothing.
Marcus: Bring it on.
Jane: What is being bisexual supposed to feel like?
Marcus: Oh.
Marcus: OH.
Jane: Never mind.
Marcus: Wait wait come back. I love having these kinds of conversations, I just need to shift out of silly mode real quick.
Marcus: For me it's pretty 50/50. Women and men are hot, though I don't find every woman and man I meet attractive, and I don't want to sleep with all of them. That being said, I don't have much of a "type" when it comes to looks or personality.
Marcus: For other people the split isn't even. It might be 70/30, or they don't concern themselves with the gender of their partner at all, often because their own gender isn't solid or traditional.
Marcus: There's also a difference between romantic and sexual attraction. But that's more Josh's area of expertise, he did a lot of reading on it when he was figuring himself out.
Marcus: Bringing it back to your question, there's no one way that it's "supposed to" feel like.
Marcus: Is that helpful?
Marcus: Jane?
Jane: I don't know.
Jane: I'm sorry.
Marcus: Maybe I'm the wrong person to be talking to about this.
Jane: I don't have anyone else.
Marcus: I wish I could hug you right now.
Marcus: Do you think this would be easier to talk through with someone you didn't know?
Jane: What, like one of those help lines? I'm not suicidal about this. It's not that bad.
Marcus: I was thinking more like Josh.
Marcus: I could give you his number. He's on a roadie right now, and I would never ask either of you about what you talk about. I know you're private and I think that's keeping you from opening up to me, and I don't begrudge you that, but I also don't you to be alone in this.
Marcus: Sometimes this sort of thing is easier to talk through with strangers, but this is a peer reviewed one.
Jane: Maybe.
Marcus: {contact.card.shared}
Marcus: ❤️
Jane: ❤️
Not the Boston WAGS
Dec 9, 2016 / 13:57
Shannon: Just got out of my last final of the semester. Finals season fucking sucked but I feel good about it. Going straight to the bar to drink off the lingering anxiety, thank you all for the support these past few weeks as I was silly and panicky.
Jaz: I'm so proud of you! And you weren't silly, final exams are a reasonable thing to be worried about.
Vikki: Oh to be day drinking…
Shannon: You're invited if you want to come.
Vikki: I don't get off work until 6 today, sadly.
Vikki: Have an extra margarita for me.
Shannon: Yes ma'am.
Private Chat → Joshua Kane and Unknown Number
Dec 9, 2016 / 18:13
Unknown Number: Good evening.
Unknown Number: Sorry to text you out of the blue, but Marcus gave me your number.
Joshua Kane: Hello. Who is this?
Unknown Number: A friend of his.
Unknown Number: He thought it might help me to talk to you.
Joshua Kane: About what?
Joshua Kane: Sorry, give me just a sec to get back to my hotel room, unless you want half a dozen super nosy guys reading over my shoulder.
Joshua Kane: Okay we're good.
Joshua Kane: Hello?
Unknown Number: I am still here.
Joshua Kane: Cool. What did you want to talk to me about?
Unknown Number: I don't want to, but I think I need to.
Unknown Number: Because I met a girl recently, and I really like her.
Unknown Number: She's so fun to hang out with, and funny, and smart, and easy to get along with. My friends and family think we're perfect for each other and I've been trying so hard to be everything a boyfriend should be.
Joshua Kane: Except?
Unknown Number: Except for the sex. We've hooked up twice and I don't mind kissing her, but having sex with her feels awful.
Joshua Kane: Physically or mentally?
Unknown Number: Mentally, until it effects the physical part, then both.
Joshua Kane: That I can understand. Did Marcus tell you I'm asexual? I've had sex with women, and when that went poorly, I tried it with men. The embarrassment of not being able to perform was horrible, and it made everything so much worse.
Unknown Number: Yes. It feels like a performance.
Unknown Number: But I'm not asexual. I think about sex, and I have enjoyed it before.
Joshua Kane: Some people need time and connection to feel that way. But sexual attraction isn't something you can force. If it was, I would have found a way. Conversion therapy doesn't work.
Unknown Number: So you think I'm gay?
Joshua Kane: Do you consider yourself a man, and has the sex you think about and have enjoyed happening involved another man?
Unknown Number: Yes.
Joshua Kane: Then maybe. But sexualities aren't medical conditions. I can't diagnose you with gay based on some blood tests. I can only recommend not doing things that make you, and likely your girlfriend, miserable.
Joshua Kane: Whatever you are, it's going to be alright. There is a happy life ahead of you outside of the hetero normative narrative you've been fed to until now.
Unknown Number: Wow. Big word for a hockey player.
Joshua Kane: Fuck you dude, I have a college degree.
Joshua Kane: No wonder you and Marcus are friends.
Joshua Kane: Wow. Not even a thank you/goodbye?
Unknown Number: Thank you. Goodbye.
Unknown Number: Get some rest, you're going to need it against New York.
Joshua Kane: Damn.
Private Chat → Josh and Marcus
Dec 9, 2016 / 18:56
Josh: So I just had a weird conversation.
Marcus: DO NOT TELL ME ABOUT IT.
Marcus: I promised Jane total secrecy, even from me.
Josh: Jane huh?
Josh: Fine. I'll be the secret keeper. But you owe me big time.
Marcus: {image.12.09.16}
Josh: Aww what a handsome boy.
Chapter End Notes
Shane and Rose breakup looks a little different in this universe. Maybe one day I'll write real outtakes, and not AUs about Cliff getting denied threesomes (see part3 of this series)
A lot of what I know about WAGs comes from Lexi LaFleur Brown's tiktoks, including the no jerseys thing. Her husband is a former NHL player and she plays hockey herself, though not professionally, as well as writes hockey romance (I've got her new book checked out on Libby rn.) I forgot to mention a couple chapters back that the WAG jackets only really became a thing in 2017ish but she has some really good thoughts on them/that timeline/what being a WAG is like. Great resource, fun person.
I'm probably not the only American feeling very unpatriotic today, but please everyone try to come out of this weekend with the same amount of fingers you started it with and cross your fingers that the orange man becomes orange juice.
Not the Boston WAGS
Jan 7, 2017 / 13:02
Jaz: Friends, I come to you in my time of need to do the job of the actual WAG chat, who I would not trust to put me out if I were on fire.
Marcus: Oh?
Shannon: Girl, we got this. Bring it.
Jaz: I need parenting advice except the "kid" in question is my husband's 20 year old coworker.
Vikki: Hockey is such a weird career because coworkers of various ages is normal but having one of them live with you? Not.
Vikki: Once again, I have no idea how you're doing this but I commend it and I'm here to help.
Jaz: I think Liam has a girlfriend.
Marcus: A lot of players do. I'd be more shocked if he didn't to be honest.
Jane: Plenty of NHL players chose to focus on their careers, especially in their earlier seasons. Odinsonn is only on his second year and while he's been doing great this year he's still got a long career and a lot of improvement ahead.
Jane: Plus, the schedule is crazy. Meeting someone you're compatible with and and beginning a relationship with that person while doing so much travel would be hard. At least, that's what I hear.
Shannon: Yeah my romance was whirlwind and not long lived.
Vikki: Guys we're getting side tracked. What kind of advice do you need?
Jaz: How to get him to trust me? They hang out whenever he has any free time at all, and when they're not hanging out they're texting. But whenever I ask he clams up. Victor and the team have also made zero progress trying to get info out of him. Literally all I know is that her name is Quinn and that they met at Boston U's observatory during one of the nights it's open to the public.
Shannon: Oh bet.
Shannon: I'm no Callie but I can Instagram stalk with the best of them. Gimme an hour.
Jaz: I don't want you to spy on her!
Callie: Stalking you say?
Jaz: No!
Callie: Aw man.
Vikki: When my kids (mostly Emma, since Max still lowkey thinks all girls have cooties) have crushes, I try to be casually supportive. Being too forward with my questions can make them feel pressured, even if it's coming from a good place.
Jane: Even if he's sure of how he feels for her, he might not know if the feelings are returned or just feel like telling someone about it might shatter whatever balance the two of them have right now. I wouldn't take his reluctance to talk about about it personally. Emotional conversations are hard.
Jaz: Okay that's what I needed to hear, thank you Vikki and Jane! The rest of you, please leave this poor girl alone.
Marcus: LOL the silence is deafening.
Hayden, Hayden's Legal Wife, and Hayden's Work Wife
Jan 25, 2017 / 16:08
Jackie: Okay but what if we took the kids to Disney World for the All Star break.
Jackie: Land? Whatever one is in Florida.
Hayden: Jackie you are pregnant.
Jackie: Not too pregnant to fly!
Shane: It is way too late to be making vacation plans. And why am I involved in this?
Jackie: Okay fine, you got me. I really just want to watch the very first Hollander/Rozanov team up (and any resulting fist fights) live. The kids hated when we brought them in 2013 when Montreal was hosting, I gotta incentivize an international trip with the happiest place on Earth.
Shane: We're not going to fight.
Shane: At least, I hope we're not.
Shane: I don't want to fight him.
Hayden: Really? Not even a little? He's such an asshole.
Hayden: And I bet a lot on it.
Jackie: You what?
Hayden: Just with the guys!
Jackie: Oh my god.
Jackie: Please tell me you bet money and not more weird and embarrassing dares. Please tell me you mortgaged the house.
Hayden: You know money means almost nothing to NHL players Jacks. Pride is the only real currency we have!
Shane: Oh so you went broke years ago.
Shane: On the bright side, a good publicist is normally cheaper than what Hayden would have lost when Rozanov and I play professional together in a fake charity game.
Hayden: Don't act like you don't take every game seriously, even ones worth zero points and run with irregular rules. I've listened to you rant about the guys who spend the whole weekend goofing off and show up hungover.
Jackie: I second what our husband said.
Shane: For the record, I still hate that joke!
Jackie: I spent a month not using it out of respect for Rose Landry but if you two broke up, then it's back on the table. Unless…
Shane: No. It's over.
Jackie: But whyyyyy?
Shane: We just weren't compatible.
Shane: I'll share the number of the guy who got JJ through whipped cream gate last year, since Hayden is going to need it. Because I'm not going to fight Rozanov.
Jackie: Thank you brother-wife of mine.
Hayden: Gross. That one is less funny.
Jackie: Come upstairs and I'll make it up to you.
Shane: Just a reminder! You have your own message chain without me in it!
Not the Boston WAGS
Feb 12, 2017 / 7:17
Vikki: Happy birthday Jaz!
Marcus: Jazday!
Shannon: OMG happy birthday Jazzy.
Callie: Good anniversary of your birth.
Jane: Oh! Happy birthday.
Jaz: Thank you guys! You're so sweet.
Jane: Did we celebrate your birthday last year? I didn't have it in my calendar.
Jaz: We did not. Normally I don't like to make a big deal of it since it's so close to Valentine's Day, and I felt weird about turning 40 last year. But it was a pretty great year and I'm so happy to be turning 41 with such amazing friends (and an amazing husband who has already said he's going to spoil me so much today.)
Shannon: And you deserve it!
Jaz: You're right, I do.
Jaz: I do also have a lot of sweet tea pound cake if any of you want some though, even if I bring half of it in to work there's still going to be more than I can eat before it goes stale.
Marcus: Oh I'm so down.
Private Chat → Lily and Jane
Mar 7, 2017 / 15:20
Jane: Are you okay?
Not the Boston WAGS
Mar 7, 2017 / 15:27
Jane: Do any of you know why Rozanov didn't go to Nashville with the rest of the team?
Vikki: I didn't even know he wasn't in Nashville. Or that they're playing in Nashville.
Shannon: Girl, you're the Rozanov expert here, not us.
Jaz: No, but I can text Victor if you want.
Marcus: Wait are you two talking again? They were just in Montreal, did you two see each other?
Marcus: Josh said he had a family emergency. No other info.
Jane: Thanks.
Shannon: Aaaaand she's gone again. Our vaugeposting queen.
Private Chat → Lily and Jane
Mar 9, 2017 / 13:37
Lily: Are you alone?
Jane: Yeah.
Lily: Can I call you?
Jane: Yes.
Private Chat → Svetlana and Jane
Mar 10, 2017 / 19:10
Svetlana: Do not hurt him, Shane Hollander.
Jane: How long have you known?
Svetlana: I have always known you were different. That is why I added you to the chat.
Jane: Why you stole my number, you mean.
Svetlana: Yes.
Svetlana: I love him, but he can be stupid sometimes, and I thought you might need the support.
Jane: He wouldn't have told you.
Svetlana: He didn't need to. All the pieces were there. We never talk about the men like we do the women, so you must be a man. I figured out the exact man only recently, because he refused to engage at all when your name came up, even to acknowledge your objective attractiveness.
Svetlana: Also, he watched your documentary special too many fucking times.
Svetlana: Your secret is safe. Ilya is very good at secrets.
Jane: Are you?
Svetlana: Obviously.
Jane: I love him too.
Svetlana: Of course you do.
Jane: That doesn't make you jealous? I know you're more than friends.
Svetlana: If you still think "just" and "more" are good descriptors for friendship, maybe Marcus has not rubbed off on you as much as I had hoped. Our feelings for each other are not the same as your feelings for each other, but they are not less valid because of it. I am not jealous and you have no reason to be.
Jane: Oh.
Jane: Their friendship these last two years has meant a lot. I don't know how things would have gone without them. So thank you for bringing me to them.
Svetlana: They all care you for a great deal as well.
Svetlana: Callie knows.
Jane: Of course she does. That doesn't even scare me, I don't think.
Jane: Okay maybe a little.
Svetlana: Marcus just thinks Ilya is accidentally using you as a way to vent his attraction to his rival.
Jane: The fuck?
Chapter End Notes
Jaz heavy chapter! Didn't really mean it to be but I love her. Svetlana's shovel talk was another early concept and the reason for the Sveta&Shane tag.
Thank you for all the love last chapter, especially about Josh. And if you've found my exploration of an aroace OC, the depiction of a queer platonic relationship, or my aro!Sveta fic interesting, you should check out HR Aspec Week I will be posting the form for sending in prompts and trying to narrow down a date for it pretty soon, plus FAQs once people, ya know, ask questions. I would love to have any of you, as creators or just enjoyers!
Chapter 17
Chapter Notes
Formatting is still not 100% correct/consistent but I'm too hungry to deal with that right now.
The Hollanders
Mar 26 , 2017 / 20:09
Yuna: Great hat trick sweetie!
David: Dallas didn't know what had hit them. Well done, Shane.
Shane: Thanks guys. It was a good game.
David: Going out to celebrate?
Shane: Maybe.
Shane: Some of the guys were talking about going out to one of the more lowkey bars, promised not to try and make me drink.
David: That sounds fun.
Yuna: Speaking of fun, have you thought any more about Wimbledon this summer? I do have to give them an answer soon.
Yuna: It's alright if you don't want to.
Yuna: I just think it could be a cool experience.
Shane: This time, I'm going to go ahead and pass. I'm looking forward to relaxing at my cottage after the season is over. The offer is still open for you guys to go though!
Yuna: Shane, that's nice, but I'm just not comfortable lying about it.
Shane: We don't even have to lie. I'm rich, remember? The seats might not be in Rolex's box, but it would still be cool for you guys.
Yuna: Maybe.
Yuna: I'm still not really recovered from the trip to Mexico. You know how I feel about my schedule getting messed up, even for vacation.
David: You enjoy your cottage son, and we'll enjoy ours. We don't need anything fancier than some time off work with you.
Yuna: But not too soon!
Shane: I know mom.
Shane: Vacation isn't half as satisfying if it starts too early.
Not the Boston WAGs
Apr 9, 2017 / 11:58
Jane: djuthink he will com
Jane: to myhouse
Jane: Ia dked but it was all wrog
Shannon: Woah. Day drinking a bit there Jane?
Jane: Shannnnn!
Jane: Hi
Shannon: Hello.
Jane: He said ths tooo
Shannon: Hello? It's a pretty common word, girl.
Shannon: Maybe drink some water.
Jane: Nallowd
Jane: Tube.
Marcus: Dang Jane. Rough morning?
Jane: Night
Jane: Ntthe pln
Jane: Oops.
Jane: Foyou thinkilya willl comto thecttahe
Marcus: Ilya????
Shannon: Did you invite Ilya to your house?
Marcus: Has he not been to your house?
Shannon: Since when were you guys talking again?
Marcus: What is going on?
Not the Boston WAGs
Apr 9, 2017 / 17:20
Vikki: What happened here?
Marcus: No idea. She stopped responding.
Jaz: I hope she's okay.
Vikki: Maybe it's like at the beginning where we couldn't say Rozanov's name without her disappearing for weeks?
Shannon: I hope not :(
Jaz: We just have to respect her boundaries. And hope she's sleeping off whatever bender she's apparently on.
Not the Boston WAGs
April 15, 2017 / 9:19
(Callie has been added to Not the Boston WAGs)
Callie: New number, new me.
Callie: Hotter, sexier, even more mysterious.
Shannon: Girl, I don't think it gets more mysterious that you. I know two months isn't the longest you've gone no contact but I still worry every time :(((
Callie: Sorry. Hazard of my life.
Marcus: Callie!!!! Hello!!!!
Jaz: Welcome back! Shannon is right about us worrying though. I know you don't do it on purpose, or out of malice, but sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder what I would do if you or Jane ever just stopped replying forever.
Jane: Oh.
Jane: Oh no, that's sad.
Jane: Hi Callie.
Callie: Hey Jane Doe.
Marcus: Jane! Hi.
Vikki: As a mom and an older sister, Jaz is not alone in worrying about you two.
Vikki: Not to guilt trip, or anything. I'm just glad you're both OK.
Jaz: Of course not! I didn't say that to make either of you sad, sorry girls.
Callie: WOOOOW you guys are such downers without me.
Callie: Even worse than my man.
Callie: Okay crash course me again, I don't feel like backreading several months. You all talk a lot. Any new sexuality crises? Weddings, divorces? Career changes? New members? Lay it on me. Jane, did you pull another disappearing act?
Jane: Kinda.
Jane: Not on purpose?
Marcus: {screenshot.05.09.17}
Marcus: Callie, you missed drunk Jane, but I got the screenshots.
Jane: Oh my god.
Jane: I was not drunk this time! I was high.
Shannon: Oh okay Miss Jane. I didn't know that was legal in Canada.
Jane: Not like that! It was on pain meds from surgery. That's why I haven't been around all week. I was really not supposed to be on my phone when I was, and I'm really only looking at it for the first time in a while today.
Marcus: Surgery?
Vikki: Oh like for your wisdom teeth? I had to have mine out when I was in my twenties, Cliff filmed me on the drugs and I was so mad at him because I was saying the weirdest things.
Shannon: Ugh. Men.
Shannon: Can we go back to the Ilya of it all? Since fucking when were you two back together?
Jane: "Back" implies more commitment than there was.
Vikki: Was?
Jane: It's still complicated. But we were talking more now. Still are. Svetlana shovel talked me a bit? I think we're friends now. And I asked Ilya to visit me in the off-season, which maybe will give us some time to just talk.
Shannon: And have hot sex?
Jane: Well yeah.
Marcus: I'm glad you've sorta met Svetlana now! She's the coolest.
Jane: Yeah.
Jane: She told me an interesting theory of yours though.
Marcus: Oh shit.
Marcus: Please ignore that, I think I'd been drinking that day.
Callie: Wait I gotta know.
Marcus: Pls no.
Jane: Only because I owe you. And Josh.
Shannon: OMG what is happening rn.
Shannon: Crossover time. Half expecting you to appear in the next Avengers at this point.
Jane: Enough about me, Callie wanted to hear from everyone.
Marcus: Personally, I'm boring. The most interesting thing to happen to me recently was the new Star Wars teaser trailer drop. I'm so excited! Josh and I have been talking predictions all day and I think I need to do a reread of some of my favorite books/comics to see what kind of material Disney might be using.
Marcus: Actually, this place might be about to become conspiracy theory central. Just a warning.
Shannon: Alas, I also live a boring and monotonous life. Made a few more college friends, classes are getting harder but not having to work so long as I'm smart about my money means I'm not nearly as stressed as some people.
Vikki: Finally caved and got Emma a smart phone, she had a boyfriend for like a week and is currently in a cold war with half her friends over it. Max is finally getting into the age where his core friend group since kindergarten is having some Drama. Not over dating yet. Something about origami? Or library books?
Vikki: Honestly I don't understand half of the words he uses any more. I'm no longer the cool hip mom.
Jaz: No divorce or sexuality crisis for me, I'm afraid. No new members either :(
Jaz: I think Liam and Quinn broke up, or stopped "seeing each other" or however the kids say now. All quiet on the text front and he's stopped disappearing from the house or team stuff at all hours of the day.
Marcus: RIP Odinsonn's love life.
Jaz: He doesn't seem super heartbroken, which is surprising but not a bad thing. Maybe I made it out to be more serious than it really was in a hope that there would be another official WAG I might get along with.
Vikki: Damn.
Shannon: Damn.
Jane: Anything new for you Callie?
Callie: New scar!
Callie: {image.04.15.17}
Shannon: Did you get fucking shot??
Not the Boston WAGs
May 16, 2017 / 10:07
Jane: I'm so board
Jaz: Board?
Marcus: Board?
Vikki: Jane. You mean bored?
Jane: Nevermind.
Jane: Am I not allowed a typo every once and a while?
Callie: Was it a typo or do you not know your homophones?
Jane: I'm leaving this chat again.
Not the Boston WAGs
May 16, 2017 / 15:12
Jane: Did you guys know Boston had the first black NHL player.
Jane: His name is Willie O'Ree and I've actually met him, but I'm listening to a hockey history podcast about him and I didn't know that he's legally blind in his right eye from a hockey injury when he was younger.
Jane: Instead of telling management he just learned to play around the handicap.
Marcus: Oh that's cool.
Marcus: I knew he was the first black player but only bc the Raiders GM actually bragged about it when they drafted Josh. Fucking weirdos.
Jane: Gross.
Jane: Montreal front office and marketing/PR team are like that too. Proud of their "historic barrier breaking" and happy to pull the DEI card when convenient, but never mention that when O'Ree was traded to them, they sent him straight back to the minors.
Marcus: Ugh.
Marcus: Not to detract from the seriousness of the topic, but I notice that you did not leave the chat Jane.
Jane: Shut up.
Jane: I just have nothing to do. Not being able to exercise is killing me. I still can't look at my phone for too long, or any screen, or even books. So I'm stuck listening to podcasts and audiobooks and the radio/hockey commentary on how playoffs are going.
Jane: My dad keeps inviting me to do puzzles with him but I'm not that desperate. Not yet.
Jaz: Sorry sweetie.
Vikki: Why can't you do any of that? I thought wisdom teeth wasn't a very long bounce back?
Jane: I never said I had my wisdom teeth out, you just assumed.
Jane: I'm recovering from a concussion and unable to work until I do, so I'm staying with my parents until I've recovered more.
Callie: Oh?
Callie: Perhaps you are in need of a care package.
Jaz: Yes!
Shannon: Oh that's a great idea.
Jane: You don't need to do that.
Vikki: You didn't let us do anything for your birthday this year. Last year you got US presents for it. We're putting a basket together for you.
Jane: You don't even know where the send it.
Callie: :)
Jane: Damn it.
The Hollanders
May 19, 2017 / 7:17
David: Left a package on the table addressed to Shane, I'll be back a little later tonight because I grabbed the grocery list.
Yuna: I said I would do that!
David: You hate the grocery store though.
Yuna: I love you.
David: I love you too.
Shane: Yes, we all love each other. Mom, please don't open that.
Yuna: I wasn't going to!
Yuna: It's postmarked Boston. I didn't know you had friends in Boston.
Shane: Maybe I've been online shopping.
Yuna: That is not a professional box.
David: Maybe you should be careful. What if they're playing a prank? I saw online that some people send "glitter bombs"
Shane: It's just a get well soon package.
Yuna: From the Raiders? Or, more likely their WAGs. That basket the Metros girls put together for you was so sweet.
Shane: It is not from the Boston Raiders WAGs, mom. It's from some friends.
Shane: I'll be down as soon as I put a shirt on and if you're so suspicious, you don't have to eat the brownies I'm pretty sure are going to be in there.
Yuna: My lips are sealed.
David: Mine too! Save some for me please.
Chapter End Notes
Quinn fakeout! I was excited but had to rewrite this and my ch18 outline several times, making me realize that this is not the time to be introducing a new person if there is going to be a Shane/Jane reveal any time soon.
My original plan was for a nonbinary character. The reason Quinn and Liam took so long to make it official would have been Quinn weighing their love with the possible public backlash vs getting misgendered all the time. Jaz would have met them and recognized their nonbinary pin from going to Pride with Marcus and Shannon.
I've shelved that for a possible future Montreal Not WAG chat. It would include Ilya (as Shane's boyfriend known only as Lily), the wife and girlfriend of a Metro (they're poly and dating each other as well), a nonbinary partner, the Pike's nanny, and Marcus since this would take place after Josh is traded to the Metros
That fic will probably be written for HR aspec week.
As usual, the hockey fact of the chapter is 100% true to my knowledge, info pulled from Wikipedia and a few online articles.
Not the Boston WAGS
June 4, 2017 / 11:41
Marcus: Okay gang, time to pick a Straight Outfit.
Marcus: Which you think would be easy as I was a "straight" jock for many years but I am very out of practice.
Shannon: Boo hiss
Shannon: During pride month of all times?
Marcus: Yeah.
Shannon: Damn.
Vikki: Marcus what? Why are you cosplaying straight?
Marcus: Rozanov is having a watch party for game six of the Stanley Cup, maybe again in game seven if the Admirals drop the ball and push it to seven games. Invited all the single guys, I got an invite too as Josh's "roommate".
Vikki: Ah.
Marcus: It's not like I'm taking out my earings. Or the nose ring. And the guest list doesn't include any of the bigger assholes on the team. But still.
Jane: Better to fly a bit under the radar.
Marcus: Yeah. Different dress code than a pride parade. So not super different than work, except casual.
Jane: Does Ilya know you're bisexual? Or about Josh?
Jane: He's pretty perceptive.
Marcus: I have no idea. Sometimes when I hang out with the team, he looks at us like a puzzle. But I would eat my hat if he'd ever heard the words "queerplatonic" or "annatractual spectrum".
Jane: I've only heard one of those, and you taught me.
Marcus: Exactly.
Marcus: We've always had a "it's none of their business anyway" mindset so it's not like. Painful to do this.
Marcus: Plus Svetlana will be there! And it's always nice to see Josh with his friends, plus watching the Stanley Cup final with people who have acutally been in the final and/or played the teams currently in it is hockey commentary on a whole new level.
Jane: Yeah.
Jane: I'm watching with my mom, which is almost as good.
Marcus: I bet your commentary is cutting.
Jane: I mean. Yeah.
Jane: Ilya and I have been texting a lot during this series. He likes to complain about Scott Hunter being old and bad at hockey.
Jaz: Which has always confused me. Scott Hunter is younger than my husband, who Ilya loves and respects.
Jane: Hunter is a good player, Ilya just hates the most on the people he respects the most.
Marcus: Like Hollander.
Jaz: I wish I could show this chat to the us of two years ago. No one would believe Jane is openly talking about knowing Ilya Rozanov, first name and all.
Vikki: We call that growth.
Jane: Yeah, whatever.
Jane: Good luck with your straight outfit Marcus. Jeans and a hockey t shirt never fail.
Not the Boston WAGS
June 5, 2017 / 8:58
Callie: Random question! If you guys suddenly found yourselves in possession of approximately 400,000 candy bars, what would you do with them.
Jaz: Callie?
Callie: No follow up questions. Just tell me. Gut instinct.
Shannon: Store them like a squirrel.
Vikki: Bribe my kids.
Jane: Orphanage.
Shannon: Are orphanages still a thing? I thought that was just in, like, Oliver Twist.
Jaz: Depends on where you are in the world, I guess.
Jaz: Most places have homeless or domestic violence shelters. Mental hospitals.
Callie: Noted.
Jaz: Again, I ask why?
Callie: I plead the fifth.
Not the Boston WAGS
June 6, 2017 / 13:04
Shannon: All the talk about watch parties has given me FOMO. I don't even enjoy hockey that much :(
Jaz: Sorry sweetie. If I wasn't already in Louisiana I'd say you could come over to our place.
Marcus: You could probably come to Rozanov's with me and Josh. He always liked you, and can't say no to Svetlana.
Vikki: I can confirm that our mutual ex husband is in Chicago with me and the kids right now, staying with his granddad since his parents and sister are in NY to watch Glen play.
Shannon: Hmmm. Tempting.
Not the Boston WAGS
June 7, 2017 / 23:27
Shannon: Okay, last seconds of the game, should I act super upset that the Admirals won or happier it was them becaause they're in Boston's conference?
Vikki: For sure upset, the Admirals knocked Boston out.
Jaz: ^^
Jaz: But also, I dunno how many of the guys will be super upset. They went through most of the seven stages of grief already, and there's some pride in getting beaten by the winner.
Shannon: Noted.
Marcus: Good thing you asked here and not in front of Svetlana, she might have strangled you.
Vikki: She does take hockey more serious than half the guys.
Shannon: Even tipsy she's wound up.
Marcus: See, this is why I never say no to a Rozanov hangout. He knows how to host. Good food and good booze has kept pretty much everyone laid back.
Marcus: Is this a safe place to admit that Scott Hunter can get it?
Vikki: He is pretty hot.
Vikki: What's he doing?
Shannon: I don't remember this part from 2014.
Jaz: Maybe player services/the WAGs messed up and left someone off the family list? So now some poor guy has to parker his way down?
Callie: Do you mean parkour?
Jaz: Yeah that.
Shannon: Wait I think I know that guy.
Vikki: Really?
Shannon: He looks like Elena's friend Kip. The grad student she was visiting in Boston when we met. He came to pride with us.
Marcus: Holy shit I think you're right.
Shannon: Does that mean Elena knows Scott Hunter?
Vikki: Lemme text our ex sister in law, she might know him.
Vikki: HOLY SHIT
Marcus: HOLT FUCK!!!!
Jaz: Oh my god.
Callie: What's happening, my torrent is on a delay.
Shannon: Holy shit! Did he just do that???
Callie: WOAH
Shannon: @Marcus where did you go?
Marcus: Bathroom to cry a bit.
Marcus: Upstairs bc Svetlana is taking up thw downstairs one with her tiny bladder.
Marcus: Wait shit she didn't see it.
Shannon: K, what me to send Josh up?
Marcus: I'm good.
Marcus: Just. Surprised.
Shannon: You're not the only one. Rozanov booked it too.
(Svetlana has been added to Not the Boston WAGs)
Svetlana: What.
Shannon: Hurry up in the bathroom there is hockey history happening.
Svetlana: What, oldest man to ever hoist the cup?
Marcus: @Jane new hockey fact!!!
Jane: Fun hockey fact, Scott Hunter became the first openly queer player in the MLH to come out, kissing a man on ice after his only Stanley Cup win.
Svetlana: What???
Callie: Okay this guy's name is Kip Grady, lifelong New Yorker except for the two years he spent in Boston working on his masters in art history, as Shannon said. Currently working at an auction house in Brooklyn.
Callie: LinkedIn has him with past experience with an upscale catering company one of his friends manages, and a smoothie shop that Hunter has been geotagged at in selfies with fans. Maybe how they met?
Vikki: Sent a message to Glen's wife Steph about if the team/WAGs knew about this guy before now. Probably won't get an answer for a while given the post-win crazies.
Shannon: Svetlana, Marcus, get back down here. Hunter's giving an interview about it.
Jaz: Aw, this is so sweet. Now I'm crying.
Jane: Holy shit.
Jane: Did he just say that he had other plans to come out?
Jane: Implying that the romantic as fuck gesture was semi-impulsive but not the bit where he wanted the world to know he's gay?
Shannon: And I can't even get someone, guy or girl, to call me back!
Svetlana: On my way down.
(Svetlana has left Not the Boston WAGs)
Jaz: Wow, she really does not like group chats.
Not the Boston WAGS
June 18, 2017 / 17:53
Marcus: Scott Hunter cannot be making me cry AGAIN via award acceptance speech. This is so unfair.
Not the Boston WAGS
June 27, 2017 / 13:14
Jane: Jaz, what was that thing you guys did last summer called?
Jane: Where you didn't look at your phones and did a bunch of meditation?
Jaz: The silent retreat?
Jane: Yeah, that. Thanks.
Jaz: Are you thinking of doing one?
Jane: Sort of.
Jaz: I could send you the articles I learned about them from if you want. There's lots of mental and physical health benefits from giving up technology for even just a few days.
Jaz: I think Victor and I both felt better afterwards, more centered and focused.
Vikki: Or maybe it had nothing to do with screens and everything to do with the sex marathon you did instead of watching TV or checking your emails/social media.
Jaz: Fair enough.
Not the Boston WAGS
July 3, 2017 / 17:53
Jane: Anyone around to distract me from my severe nerves?
Shannon: Oh! Sapphic drama?
Jane: I'll take it.
Shannon: Okay so I texted Elena after rewatching the broadcast of The Kiss and realizing that she was THERE! Like sitting right next to Kip.
Shannon: She confirmed that she did dip out of our relationship bc of the Raiders connection and apologized. Apparently Scott Hunter was a big of a point of contention in her friendship with Kip for a while (they were together, the off and on long distance while he was in Boston, back together for real as of a couple months ago) and knowing about Cliff plus meeting Josh freaked her out a lot.
Shannon: But…I am considering going up to see her in NY. To maybe give it a second change.
Jane: I am literally the last person to judge about nontraditional relationship timelines.
Jane: Not that I'm technically in a relationship. Yet.
Jane: Yet? I don't know.
Jane: Fuck.
Shannon: Wait is this about Ilya coming to your house?
Jane: I invited him to stay with me for a bit this summer. He said yes.
Jane: Waiting to pick him up from the airport now.
Shannon: Girl this is huge.
Shannon: Good luck!
Shannon: I expect radio silence for at least two days, and then a full report.
Jane: Okay whatever.
Jane: Fuck, he's here.
Private Chat → Svetlana and Jane
July 6, 2017 / 21:42
Jane: Have you and Ilya ever talked about citizenship marriage?
Svetlana: Like. Once.
Svetlana: But Russian/American relations are not ideal for him right now, and he's a millionaire. It's not like he would have any problems getting citizenship wherever he decides he wants to, no marriage fraud needed.
Svetlana: Why?
Jane: Okay so he was just trying to make me jealous.
Svetlana: Fucking idiot.
Svetlana: Did it work?
Svetlana: Jane?
Svetlana: Oh my god you're both stupid.
Jane: Leave me alone, I'm plotting.
The Hollanders
July 7, 2017 / 18:12
(Lily has been added to The Hollanders)
David: Should we add Ilya to this chat or make a new one?
David: Oh, I see Yuna is already on it.
David: Hello Ilya.
Lily: Hello David. Thank you again for dinner.
David: Not a problem, kiddo.
Yuna: Should we be using Ilya's name in this chat? Maybe we all need codenames. Both of you boys are under a lot of media scrutiny and if you're serious about not telling anyone for a while, it's better to be safe than sorry.
David: You are in my phone as Love of My Life and a red and blue heart.
Lily: Metros colors, of course.
Lily: Yuna, we are way ahead of you on the codenames.
Jane: I lied earlier, when I said no one knows about us.
Jane: Not on purpose, I promise, I was just freaking out and it slipped my mind but there's at least two people who know and a couple others who know bits and pieces, enough to figure it out.
Jane: And having them know, being able to confide in a few people, has taken such a weight off my shoulders and I think Ilya deserves that too. So I think he should tell some people that he trusts.
Yuna: Shane, what are you talking about? Who knows?
Lily: Yes Hollander, I would also like to know what you're talking about.
Jane: A little over two years ago, Ilya's best friend committed a serious breach of our privacy and stole my phone number from his phone because she knew we'd been texting for a long time and figured I would need some moral support.
Jane Reveal
June 8, 2017 / 10:33
(Jane, Lily, Vikki, and 9 others have been added to Jane Reveal)
Conner Connors: OMG say sike rn Roz
Conner Connors: No way is this happening.
Shannon: WHAT!!!
Marcus: Jane reveal!!!! Are we getting a selfie? A sex tape? That would be bold, but I'd respect it.
Joshua Kane: I would not. Please do not send me a sex tape.
Victor St. Simon: Hi Jane, I've heard a lot about you over the years from Jaz and I know you can make Cap smile like no one else.
Vikki: I knew you had it in you babe.
Jaz: Congratulations! And don't feel pressured to join in one the official WAG chat and activities, I know you two are very private and even if you're now together, that doesn't have to change.
Cliff Marlow: Um the fuck? Roz, if you've finally locked down yuor montreal girl good for you but why are both of my ex wives here?
Lily: IDK marley that's a question for SVETLANA APPARENTLY.
Lily: Wait you did not add her solnyshko.
Jane: Yeah I'm just going to text her privately, she hates group chats.
Lily: Wow you two actually are friends.
Jane: We're getting there.
Cliff Marlow: Dog I am so confused rn
Lily: My Jane and I are officially together now, I am boyfriend. Met the parents even.
Jaz: Oh! Big step!
Jane: It wasn't exactly on purpose. But it went well, and they're coming over to eat dinner with us tonight. With at least a half hour warning.
Marcus: Get! It!
Shannon: I can't believe we're losing our beloved Jane Doe to the ranks of actual grilfriendhood and the real WAGs.
Vikki: A sad day indeed, it feels like just yesterday you were threatening to block us all…
Cliff Marlow: Seriously, am I the only one confused about how you all know each other? I only have half of these numbers saved.
Joshua Kane: They're the Not WAGs, Marley, catch up.
Jane: @Shannon I'm still not a real WAG and I never will be, for reasons that will become clear to all of you if you come to Ilya's house for dinner three weeks from now.
Callie: I would move mountains to be there, and in the event that the mountains cannot be moved, I demand some kind of recording of the reactions. This is going to be hilarious.
Chapter End Notes
And that's a wrap! I wimped out of trying to do a text reveal, and I think Ilya deserves for his friends to know the truth too. So post-cottage after party in Boston it is.
Thank you to everyone who's read this/left kudos and comments and bookmarks as well as to my friends. So much of this was based on the many online friendships I've had over the years.
This isn't the end of this universe, as I mentioned last chapter. I have a bunch of fun one shots planned (and maybe a Montreal squeal) including a Josh (and Marcus ofc) focused one for HR aspec week.
Callie's candy bar quandary is based on the KitKat shipment that went missing in transit back in March.
Afterword
End Notes
Edit 1/24: I will be playing with formatting as I learn, stick with me please
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