You give me fever

🏒Real Housewives of Ottawa🏒

Today 9:13 PM
Nicole
Can I ask a completely lewd question without judgements?
Cassie
Of course 🤞
Harris
Duh 🤞🤞
Selena
Yes, always 🤞
Caitlin
Definitely 🤞
Ilyusha 🩵
YES 🤞🤞🤞
Yes 🤞
Lisa
Please do 🤞
Today 9:49 PM
Harris
Nikki? Did you die?
Nicole
Sorry! Literally as soon as I sent that text PJ woke up screaming 😮‍💨
Caitlin
Everything good, now?
Nicole
Yeah yeah everything is fine
My question was actually 2 questions
When was the last time you went down on your partner? And when was the last time he went down on you?
Ilyusha 🩵
I can answer for me and Shanya!
Oh my god
Ilyusha 🩵
Shane's face is still broken so for him it was before game in Chicago
Selena
Like right before? 👀
No, I didn't blow Ilya in the Chicago locker room!
It was before we left the hotel for warm-ups
Ilyusha 🩵
And I sucked his dick while we were waiting for you to return to ask your questions
Cassie
Roz!
Lisa
No! 🤣
Ilyusha 🩵
[A shirtless selfie of Ilya in the bathroom mirror with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. His hair is a mess, his cheeks are flushed, and he is winking.]
Harris
🫢🫣
Nicole
Damn, Roz.
Ilya!!
Ilyusha 🩵
Yes, that is what you sounded like 😉
Lisa
I went down on Wyatt like 2 days ago? He ate me out… many times today.
Caitlin
He's an eater!
Ilyusha 🩵
Good for him
Cassie
Good for him? Good for you! Lol
Harris
Troy and I went down on each other last night
At the same time?
Selena
Shane! 🤣
I'm just asking!!
Harris
Yes.
Lisa
♋️♋️♋️♋️
Caitlin
LISA 🤣🤣
Lisa
They did it! I'm just happy for our friend!
Cassie
1. When they got back from the roadie 2. Before they left for the roadie
Milo was sick and then I was sick and I haven't been feeling very sexy lately 😔
Selena
Aw, no. It happens. It's okay.
Lisa
You're very sexy, Cas 😉
Harris
Lisa is going to steal every SAP for herself
Lisa
I got called a greedy bisexual enough in my life I'll just lean into it now
Ilyusha 🩵
BI BUDDY
The excited noise he just made scared Anya 🙄
Selena
👏👏 Back on topic 👏👏
1. A couple of days ago? Between school drop offs lolol 2. Two nights ago.
Caitlin
A few nights ago for both?
Harris
At the same time? 😏
Caitlin
Haha no
Why did you want to know, Nicole?
Today 10:13 PM
Cassie
Nicole?
Nicole
Sorry, sorry. Sawyer woke up after I got PJ back to sleep.
It's just… The twins are at the age where they want to sleep with us all the time and I am so tired all the time. And like. It feels like an obligation? To go down on Josh. Not that he ever says that! I know he wouldn't but it has been… a long time.
Ilyusha 🩵
Would you like to enlist the Hollander-Rozanov babysitting service for a date night?
We have references!
Caitlin
Shane cleaned my kitchen, girl. Take them up on it!
Harris
Let the queers watch the girls and you get pampered and ate!
Lisa
🤣🤣🤣
Nicole
Maybe

🐴🏒The Centaurs of the Apocalypse🏒🐴

Today 8:25 AM
Ilyusha 🩵
BOYLE
Boyle
Yeah?
Ilyusha 🩵
Tell me thank you
Boyle
Uh, why?
Ilya please be normal for once
Bood
Oh shit!
Dykstra
Got him!
Ilyusha 🩵
You wound me, Shanya
🙄🙄🙄
Check your email, Josh
Boyle
Holy shit????

🏒Real Housewives of Ottawa🏒

Today 8:37 AM
Nicole
HEY SO WHAT THE FUCK?
Ilyusha 🩵
Ah your husband showed you?
Nicole
Ilya this is too much!!
Cassie
Uh oh
Harris
What'd he do now?
Ilyusha 🩵
I did good!
We got Nicole and Josh a package at Brookstreet.
Ilyusha 🩵
We will sit on the babies!
Lisa
Holy shit
Selena
Oh my god, guys!!
Lisa
Get you friends who will pay for you to get fucked
Caitlin
Lisa!!! 🤣
Lisa
That's what they're doing!
Ilyusha 🩵
The Hollander-Rozanov's are here to help!

*****

Nicole Boyle

Today 11:15 AM
Taking a moment to check on the girls, and make sure they haven't driven you insane.
We're all good here!
[A video of the Boyle twins sitting in a laundry basket in front of the television, which is playing a first person POV of a roller coaster. Ilya is shaking the basket and moving it along with the video as the girls squeal and giggle.]
omgggggggg 😍😍😍😍
You gotta let Ilya knock you up Shane the man needs kids
GOODBYE NICOLE ENJOY YOUR MASSAGE
Today 1:42 PM
On a scale of 1 to 10 how mad would Josh be if I organized his gear in the garage?
Who gives a shit about him? I would kiss you on the mouth
Feels threatening as a gay man…
Shut up 🤣 You don't have to do anything like that, Shane. You've already done too much.
Okay but the girls are napping and Ilya is cooking and the way Josh stores his tape is making my eye twitch
Then have at it!
We have some plans this afternoon but can I FaceTime the girls around dinner time to say good night?
Of course! We'll be here Have fun.
Today 7:11 PM
I know you put your phone on do not disturb for the (naked) night
So these will be here for when you wake up:
[1. A photo PJ laying on her back on the living room carpet. Her head is resting on Anya's back as she “reads” a board book. 2. A photo of Sawyer sitting in her high chair with her mouth covered in pasta sauce. 3. A selfie of Shane sitting on the floor of the twins's room with Sawyer in his lap playing with a stuffed animal.]
[A video of Ilya holding PJ horizontal on one arm tucked against his body, using the other to hold out one of her arms. He is pretending to use her as a hockey stick. She is laughing and squealing in delight. Ilya ‘scores' and blows a raspberry on her belly as in celebration. ]
[A video of a mostly dark children's bedroom. There are twinkling stars projected on the ceiling. Ilya is sitting between the two cribs softly singing in Russian.]

🏒Real Housewives of Ottawa🏒

Today 10:19 PM
Shane removed Ilya from the chat
Harris
Uh oh
Lisa
👀👀
Caitlin
What could he have done? Aren't you guys babysitting?
Yes that is exactly the problem
Selena
What?
Cassie
I don't follow
I very much need to have children with Ilya
Cassie
You have baby fever?!?!?!
Caitlin
I'm a little offended the Boyle twins gave you baby fever and not Susie
Lisa
Did you remove Roz because he would say something about trying to get you pregnant?
Maybe
Harris
🤣🤣🤣
Shut up
Selena
You said before that you wanted to wait to have kids
I know. We haven't been married too long and I'm still settling in on a new team, despite the ltir, and both of us traveling for games feels like a scheduling nightmare but….
He is so good with kids and wants them and I feel like… I wasted so much time being afraid of things and hurting him in the process. We are in a good place and I don't know… something about seeing him sitting on the Boyle twins bedroom floor singing some Russian lullaby while covered in mess from the day made me think that I don't wanna wait for “a few more cups”
Cassie
omg 😭
Harris
Shaaaaaane
Selena
😭😭😭😭
Lisa
That's so fucking sweet omg
Caitlin
You gotta let that man knock you up asap

*****

🏒Real Housewives of Ottawa🏒

Today 9:25 AM
Nicole
Why isn't Roz here? Should I scroll up?
Oh shit I forgot
Nicole
Oh my god???
Shane added Ilya to the Chat
Ilyusha 🩵
Why was I kicked out?
Nicole
SHANE YOU HAVE BABY FEVER?!?!
Shane removed Ilya from the Chat
Harris
I think I just got whiplash 😣
CHILL THE FUCK OUT
Caitlin
Oh my god 🤣🤣
Selena
A lot just happened lol
My husband is googling baby fever because he thinks its an actual sickness 🤦🏻‍♂️
Cassie
You know what the cure is?
Harris
Getting knocked up 🤰🤰
I hate you all
Nicole
Oh, Shane. It's actually really sweet. You should talk to Roz and figure out what you guys want to do
Lisa
Besides trying the old fashioned way 😉
Shane left the Chat

*****

🏒Real Housewives of Ottawa🏒

Today 12:45 PM
[A x-ray of Shane's cheekbone]
Caitlin
Are you healed?!
Cassie
I have no idea what I am looking at lolol
Harris
Those sure are bones!
Lol
Yes! I have been cleared to return to play
Nicole
How exciting!!
Lisa
You got this done yesterday? Its dated for yesterday
Ilyusha 🩵
He was busy yesterday celebrating his healed face 😉 Could not text
Selena
Shane! Lol
Harris
Facial flattening who????
You're all the worst
Cassie
I'm surprised Shane didn't remove Ilya for that
Caitlin
I know, right?
Ilyusha 🩵
He is not allowed
I am not supposed to remove him when he annoys me
Ilyusha 🩵
😊🥰😊
Because then he wouldn't ever be in the chat
Ilyusha 🩵
😡
Ilya removed Shane from the Chat
Lisa
Oh how the tables turn lol

*****

🏒Real Housewives of Ottawa🏒

Today 3:07 PM
Harris
[1. Picture of Cassie and Zane skating together holding hands while Zane carries Milo. 2. Picture of Caitlin and Susie standing at the boards, laughing with Evan who is on the ice. 3. Pictures of Selena and Nick with all three of their kids skating around the rink. 4. Picture of Nicole and Josh, each holding a twin, skating around the perimeter of the rink. 5. Picture of Wyatt and Lisa laughing as he tries to get her into the net. 6. Picture of Shane and Ilya at center ice holding onto each other mid-laugh. 7. Picture of Harris leaning over the boards to kiss Troy on the cheek.]
Cassie
Holy shit Harrisssssss
Caitlin
Why am I crying???
Harris
Happy family day!
[Video of Shane skating with Odette Chouinard, holding her hand as they speed up around the rink. He swings his arm and she takes off to overtake her older brother where he is skating.]
Selena
Oh Shane. She is OBSESSED with you now. She asked Nick if you could help teach her to shoot and he just stood there like 🧍‍♂️
Nicole
I love that lolol
That's so sweet

Ilyusha 🩵

Today 3:35 PM
Shanya
Come upstairs
What do you need, baby? I'm checking emails from Mom
Shanya.
Ilyusha.
I would like my husband to come upstairs
So I can take his clothes off
And fuck a baby into him
🏃‍♂️

*****

🏒Real Housewives of Ottawa🏒

Today 5:25 PM
Nicole
Good luck on your first game back, Shane!
Cassie
You're gonna do great!
Caitlin
We are going to miss you at wine watch parties though
Selena
😔
Harris
Kick ass tonight!
Thank you ❤️
Today 8:11 PM
Lisa
I have half a second to breathe. How is the game?
Cassie
We're winning 2 to 1!
Harris
Shane and Troy have scored 😎
Lisa
Go boys!!
Today 11:27 PM
Selena
Good game, boys!!
Caitlin
You did so great!
Ilyusha 🩵
Thank you
Was good to have Shane back on the ice
We all missed him
🥹
Nicole
Awww
Lisa
You should try for a baby to celebrate
Cassie
LISA!!
Ilyusha 🩵
Good idea 😉
Shane left the Chat

*****

🏒Real Housewives of Ottawa🏒

Today 9:52 AM
Next summer
Selena
Hm?
Harris
Ominous
That's when we are going to have a baby
We are going to look into egg donors and surrogates at the end of the season to start the process at the beginning of the season so the baby will be here during the off season
Caitlin
Omg!!!
Cassie
Ahhhh! Exciting!
Lisa
So well thought out lol
Ilyusha 🩵
There is a written down plan. And a power point.
Nicole
Of course there is 🤣
Harris
You love it
Ilyusha 🩵
I do
Cassie
Roz loves his husband 🤣🫵
Caitlin
Roz has a husband who wants babies with him 🤣🫵
Lisa
Roz is gonna be a good dad 🤣🫵
Harris
Roz is gonna have a house full of people who love him 🤣🫵
Selena
Roz has someone who wants to spend his life with him 🤣🫵
Nicole
Roz loves his organized husband enough to have babies in a year 🤣🫵
It's much funnier when it's not me

End Notes

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