Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories:

Gen, M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types, Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Shane Hollander & Ottawa Centaurs WAGs Ensemble, Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ottawa Centaurs WAGs Ensemble (Game Changers), Cassie Boodram, Lisa Hayes (Game Changers), Selena Chouinard, Caitlin Dykstra, Ilya Rozanov

Additional Tags:

Group Chats, Texting, Texting Fic, Ottawa Centaurs WAGs Group Chat (Game Changers), Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Humor, Established Relationship, Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander Deserves Girlhood, Established Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander is a Little Shit

Language:

English

Series:

Part 2 of What is a RHOO?

Collections:

pepperroxd’s library, depressed rat’s finished works, TDH Game Changers / Heated Rivalry, Social Media Fics

Stats:

Published: 2026-04-13 Words: 1,937 Chapters: 1/1

Missing Messages

Summary

JANE: So, I am currently on FaceTime with Ilya

NICOLE: Are your clothes on?

LISA: Nikki asking the important questions

JANE: It's not important to what I am trying to tell you

CASSIE: So they're not on, got it

Or, the in-between messages from Real Housewives of Ottawa

Notes

There were lots of other idea I had so here there are – enjoy!

CASSIE: If I murder Zane you've all got my back, right?

CAITLIN: Oh, no. What a shock 🫢

NICOLE: Who could have committed such a terrible act of violence???

SELENA: He was going to be a father! So young! So much life ahead of him!

LISA: Cassie must be devastated 😢

JANE: No, officer, she was visiting me in Montreal. I'm just so glad she was with a friend when she heard the news 😔😔

CASSIE: 💀💀💀

CASSIE: You guys are the best

LISA: Theoretically, what did Bood do?

CASSIE: He clipped his toe nails in the KITCHEN and I found one on the counter while I was making breakfast

JANE: Oh, they'd let you get away with it for that. You don't even need us.

CAITLIN: 🤣

JANE: So, I am currently on FaceTime with Ilya

NICOLE: Are your clothes on?

LISA: Nikki asking the important questions

JANE: It's not important to what I am trying to tell you

CASSIE: So they're not on, got it

JANE: I'll be back to finish this conversation later

SELENA: When her clothes are on!

JANE: So! I was talking to Ilya

CAITLIN: Was this before or after you were naked??

CASSIE: 🤣🤣

SELENA: 🤣🤣

NICOLE: 🤣🤣

LISA: 🤣🤣

JANE: GOOD NIGHT!!

JANE: A few weeks ago, Ilya was telling me about this old Soviet cartoon that he used to watch as a kid

NICOLE: In Soviet Russia cartoon watches you

NICOLE: Don't tell him I made that stupid joke

JANE: This resulted in a very long discussion about how Winnie the Pooh is actually British and not some weird Soviet fever dream

CASSIE: @Nicole DUMB

CASSIE: There is a Russian version of Winne the Pooh???

JANE: YES

JANE: Our FaceTime date turned into watching Vinni-Pukh on youtube 🤦🏻‍♀️

SELENA: Ah this was naked night then

CAITLIN: NAKED NIGHT

JANE: 1. Most nights are naked night
2. That's not relevant!

LISA: Wait I just looked up Vinni-Pukh and he's so cute!!!!

JANE: I found someone selling a plush of him online and bought it for Ilya for Christmas

NICOLE: We love a wholesome outcome of naked night

JANE: There is nothing wholesome about naked night

LISA: @Jane have you gotten your gift yet 😉

JANE: [An image of a kitchen sink with a pair of cobalt blue rubber gloves with white lace attached to the cuffs draped over the faucet.]

CASSIE: We thought you'd enjoy the Metros colors lol

NICOLE: Have they seen any action??? 👀

CAITLIN: Ew lol

CAITLIN: Why would you phrase it like that?

JANE: I mean, I washed the dishes with them?

SELENA: But was it naked night?

JANE: It was the afternoon

CAITLIN: Naked afternoon!!!

JANE: 🖕🖕🖕

JANE: I have been babysitting my best friend's kids all day and I don't know how you all with kids to this all day everyday

NICOLE: Lol How many kids?

JANE: 4

JANE: The oldest 2 are twins

SELENA: I have three and that feels excessive sometimes I can't imagine FOUR

JANE: They're great kids but I am so very tired

JANE: At least the little ones are resting on the couch with me, the older 2 are using Uncle Ilya like a climbing structure

CASSIE: UNCLE ILYA 🥹🥹🥹

CAITLIN: She's too hormonal to deal with Uncle Ilya lol

JANE: [A photo taken from behind of Ilya standing in a living room, in front of a television playing a Barbie movie, with a young girl hanging off either arm seemingly using them as free weights.]

CASSIE: 😭😭😭😭😭

LISA: Stooooop that's so cute

CASSIE: Jane you have to give that man babies

JANE: 😳😳

NICOLE: omg Ignore her Jane you don't have to have kids if you don't want to

CASSIE: RIGHT sorry!!!! I am just in the throes of pregnancy hormones and being insane

JANE: No, you're not insane. We've talked about kids and stuff 🤷🏻‍♀️

CAITLIN: Kids and stuff lol

JANE: We'd like to… someday. It's just between living in 2 different cities and all the traveling we both do its not in the cards currently

JANE: But Ilya is GREAT with kids and he's said he wants them but “not 4, that is irresponsible number of children”

LISA: I read that in his accent 🤣

NICOLE: Same 💀💀

SELENA: @Jane How was naked night™ (Russian Edition)

CASSIE: NOT THE TRADEMARK

CAITLIN: It's the (Russian Edition) for me 💀

SELENA: Janieeee

LISA: Jane said she's on a work trip, right? Maybe she doesn't have time to discuss her depraved Russian FaceTime antics with us

NICOLE: [A ‘How Rude’ gif from Full House.]

LISA: FMK

CASSIE: YESS

LISA: [Three images. 1. A still of Shane Hollander from a cologne ad. It's all in greyscale he is in a crisp white shirt with serval buttons undone, his hair is windswept from his face. 2. A still from a beverage ad where Shane is wearing a white t-shirt and his drenched. Water droplets are falling down his face and his shirt sticks to every muscle on his chest and stomach. 3. A Calvin Klein ad where Shane is wearing a pair of snug grey boxer briefs and reclined on an overstuffed armchair. His legs are spread almost indecently and his hooded gaze is staring straight at the camera.]

CAITLIN: LISA!!

JANE: 😳

NICOLE: Can I fuck all three or…?

LISA: THATS WHAT IM SAYING

SELENA: Fuck the last one, Marry the first one, and Kill the second if only because based on the drink I'm afraid he'd be sticky

CASSIE: [A ‘Good Answer’ gif from Family Fued.]

CAITLIN: I also agree with Selena

NICOLE: Yeah

JANE: Uh yeah

CASSIE: Oh, shit. Aren't he and Roz like good friends now?

LISA: Have you met my man???? 👀

JANE: I'm going to bed, I have an early morning meeting

JANE: Enjoy your thirsting ✌️

LISA: Today has been absolute hell and it's not even noon 🫠

CASSIE: What's wrong babe?

LISA: Just crazy ER doctor nonsense on top of the already crazy patient nonsense. Wyatt's on the roadie and I haven't been sleeping well and I picked up a shift so I wouldn't be miserable around the house but now I'm miserable here

SELENA: Have you told Hazy?

LISA: No they're in a really good place right now with the team and I don't want to distract him

CAITLIN: Lisa no

JANE: I am breaking wag code

LILY: ?

JANE: Lisa is at work and REALLY struggling and doesn't want to bother Wyatt

JANE: Could you find a way to have him call her or something? She's miserable

LILY: I'll take care of it 🩵

JANE: Я люблю тебя

LILY: You definitely just have that saved in your clipboard so you don't have to type it

LILY: But I love you too 😘

LISA: [A photo of a huge bouquet of flowers.] Wyatt sent me flowers 🥺🥺 And a note that says he's thinking of me and he loves me

NICOLE: Awwww

JANE: That's so sweet

CAITLIN: 💖💖

CASSIE: Are you alive, Jane?

CAITLIN: lol Death by Russian Dick

JANE: I'm alive 👍 Barely

SELENA: Roz really took care of you huh lol

LISA: Excuse me ☝️ his name is Duty

NICOLE: 💀💀💀

CASSIE: Jane really did her Duty last night apparently

CAITLIN: Did Canada proud 🫡

SELENA: 🫡

LISA: 🫡

NICOLE: 🫡

CASSIE: 🫡

JANE: You guys are weird I'm going back to bed 🫡

SELENA: Nick showed me a picture of Roz's new dog and now the kids are begging for one 😮‍💨

NICOLE: Roz got a dog???

JANE: Yes, Anya. [A photo, obviously a selfie taken by Ilya, of Ilya laying on the floor of his living room with Anya laying on his chest.]

CASSIE: She's so cuuuuuuute

CAITLIN: So precious 😍

JANE: He is ordering a dog bed and toys to be delivered to my house for when they come to visit 🤦🏻‍♀️

NICOLE: She is very cute but I cannot do the dog and the twins while Josh is traveling

SELENA: Is she going to stay with you while Roz is on roadies?

JANE: He has found a hotel for her to stay at when he travels

LISA: So, a kennel?

JANE: It's a hotel. Very bougie. She is about to be the most spoiled dog in Canada

CASSIE: From raga to riches, we love that for her

LISA: So this is probably the least opportune time and I am sure you have about a million other things to be stressed about but I wanted to apologize for so speaking so lewdly about you before

SHANE: Lisa, it's really so fine. You didn't know it was me. I should be saying sorry for being in your private space where you talk about that stuff

LISA: You can't be polite, humble, and hot Hollander. It's not right.

SHANE: I'm sorry. Maybe I'll work on being less humble after Ilya and I get married

LISA: I would appreciate that, thank you.

CASSIE: BBQ at our house day before game 3.

SELENA: Shane, are you coming? 👀

CAITLIN: 👀

LISA: 👀

NICOLE: 👀

SHANE: Yes, I'll be there!

CASSIE: I know you said before that you have a pretty strict diet. What do I need to get for you?

SHANE: Oh, no. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me

CASSIE: Hi food is a love language in this house let me love you

SHANE: 🥹

LISA: He's on a macrobiotic diet

NICOLE: Lisa… baby

CAITLIN: 🤫🤫

SHANE: I was so chill about the pictures and the general thirsting, Lisa

LISA: SHUT UP

CASSIE: I will google some things

SELENA: Do you do salmon, Shane?

SHANE: Sometimes, yeah

CASSIE: We'll do salmon! Troy will like that too

NICOLE: Mr. My-Favorite-Treat-Is-Salmon

SHANE: I mean…

CAITLIN: Oh, god, another one

SHANE: I have realized something

SELENA: Oh?

CAITLIN: What's that?

SHANE: For a small window of time I was (I can now admit to myself and never to Ilya) a little jealous of Ilya's friendship with Troy when he first got traded. They really clicked and Ilya came out Troy way before we were outed. And I was struggling with my own team accepting me and like… i realized, now having met Troy, it's because he is Ilya’s type

LISA: Oh, Shane…

SHANE: Ilya loves a boring, bummer of a man

CASSIE: SHANE 🤣

SELENA: Holy shit 💀

NICOLE: The call is coming from inside the house 💀

SHANE: It's true! You're gonna look at me and tell me that I'm wrong!?

LISA: Shane Hollander: Boring, Bummer, Big Fat Ass

SHANE: I'm going to block you 🤣

LISA: Nuh uh You love me 🤣🫵

CAITLIN: You're stuck with all of us 🤣🫵

CASSIE: Look at you, you stupid little friend haver 🤣🫵

SELENA: Oh no, I'm Shane Hollander and I am the best player in the NHL, and I have the best girlfriends in the world, and my fiance looks like THAT 🤣🫵

NICOLE: One of us, one of us 🤣🫵

SHANE: I love you guys ❤️