Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories:

Gen, M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Original Characters, Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Scott Hunter (Game Changers), Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Luca Haas

Additional Tags:

POV Original Character, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Being Assholes (Game Changers), Sequel, Embedded Images, This is just straight up self indulgence

Language:

English

Series:

Part 3 of Operation O Canada

Stats:

Published: 2026-05-23 Completed: 2026-07-02 Words: 26,044 Chapters: 3/3

Captin can u cum pick me up im scarewd

Summary

Flashes of Stephen Aleksiev’s life as a Montreal Voyageur.

(This is a side story to Operation O Canada, or the Hollander-Rozanov Method of Soft Launching a Marriage. Please read the original fic before you read this one!)

Notes

Hello, if you have stumbled upon this fic and have not already read Operation O Canada, please stop, do not pass go, do not collect $200. This story follows an OC through some events of the story. I promise this is not going to make much sense to you without the context.

Anyways this one is dedicated to everyone who commented on the fic saying that you met Stephen Aleksiev at Papa’s orchard.

YES I USED MACKLIN CELEBRINI AS HIS FACECLAIM BECAUSE THE CONCEPT OF DOING THAT MADE ME CRY LAUGHING

Chapter 1: 2019: a hot new bombshell enters the villa

Chapter Notes

[Image description: Stephen Aleksiev's player profile on the Montreal Voyageurs website. It states he is #44, LW, and on the Montreal Voyageurs. His height is 5'11", he weighs 190lbs, was born June 24, 1997 and is 22 years old, was born in Rockville, Maryland USA, Shoots left, and was drafted in 2016 to NYC as 9th overall draft pick specifically 1st round 9th pick. Also, graphic design is my passion]

Stephen Aleksiev fidgets with his hands as his new coach, the infamous Alexis Theriault, glowers down at him. 

The Montreal Voyageurs training camp begins in one week. Stephen got the keys to his new little apartment in Plateau just a few days ago after a whole lot of rental inquiries and conversations with would-be landlords that went nowhere. His new home is a relatively little thing attached to the back of his new landlord’s house, and objectively, is probably way too small for a professional hockey player. Stephen’s mom, who stared at the apartment in disbelief over Facetime, suspects it might be an illegal addition to the back of the house, stuck on like an afterthought in a wild attempt to glean some extra cash from desperate students and, well, hockey players, she guesses.

It was the only apartment that Stephen could find on short notice that was willing to rent to a guy who spoke approximately two words of French and had no prior rental history in Canada. The landlords, a middle-aged couple, also happen to be huge Voyageurs fans. They're the types to follow the team with an excruciating closeness, and apparently were very, very excited when they received an email inquiry from Stephen despite the fact that his new, bright blue Voyageurs jersey freshly christened with his lucky #44 and his surname has yet to touch his skin.

Technically, Stephen’s mom wrote the inquiry and handled the major aspects of the written conversation. Stephen had complained to her that landlords were either not responding to him, accusing him of being a scammer, or dropping the conversation entirely after a few emails. He assumed it was because they found another tenant, or maybe he was continuously making the critical error of doing some kind of faux-pas he wasn’t aware of that only exists in Quebec. His mom took over his email account and made magic happen. According to his mom (and his teachers, and his former classmates, some of his friends, and some of his former teammates, and his past coaches), Stephen Aleksiev cannot write to save his life. He tries his best, he promises! He just has a hard time spelling some words and making his sentence structure sound as smart as some other people can. He’s always had this problem. A very kind teacher in middle school tried his best to “fix” Stephen’s writing issues, but then Stephen’s family had to move to another town to get closer to a better rink and a better coaching team, you know, for Stephen’s future, and Stephen’s new teachers weren’t so inclined to pay special attention to the way Stephen had to slowly sound out every word he read on a page or the way he approached sentence diagramming like he was seeing a quantum physics problem for the first time. 

Then, of course, Stephen stopped attending “normal” school in the 10th grade, instead doing a perfunctory home-schooling program under the only partially-interested eye of his grandfather, a recent retiree originally from Bulgaria, who viewed English grammar as more of a vague suggestion than a series of rules. Stephen’s hockey skills have always far outweighed his academic ones, and his family was intent on taking advantage of that. His mother was just happy that Stephen had a clear path in life to rely on and was hellbent on making sure that Stephen’s future was secured. Secured it was: As a teenager, Stephen caught many eyes of people with excellent hockey connections. He ended up as 9th overall draft pick in 2016 and was drafted to the New York Admirals. 

In short: Stephen's education fell to the wayside. He can get by well enough, but he does take a bit of extra time to read words on a page (or a map, or a sign, or on his phone) and he still has a very difficult time with spelling. He is still functional in this world as long as the folks around him have the patience to parse out his mishmashes of your, you're, yur, yo'ur, and urs. 

Stephen Aleksiev also wants it known that typing on the phone is, like, really hard. The on-screen keyboards are just so small and Stephen’s fingers are, well, bigger than that. Sometimes, the screen feels so slippery, too. It’s really not his fault that sometimes he tries to press the A button on his phone, and the phone recognizes it as a combination of S and W and maybe, hopefully, an A. People usually understand what he is trying to get across, even when he forgets a letter or adds a few extra ones, so in the end, it’s all okay. He just doesn’t know how other people handle those itty bitty keyboards. He’s watched as guys significantly larger than him typed precisely-spelled words without making a singular mistake with the same admiration you’d have watching an acrobat perform a number for Cirque du Soleil.

Despite being part of the New York Admirals’ arsenal since 2016, Stephen did not get the opportunity to take part in the Admirals’ historic 2017 Stanley Cup win. Instead, Stephen spent the 2016-2017 season playing for the United States World Juniors team and receiving some additional training ahead of his debut on the Admirals’ main roster. Stephen’s introduction to the Admirals’ locker room came on the coattails of the kiss that was gasped-at across the entire hockey world, as well as some other general sports and LGBT+ publications that picked up the story. He made it to the main roster just in time to witness the immediate impact of his new captain Scott Hunter’s historic coming out, and, well, play for the team that was now known across the entire MLH as The Gay Team.

Stephen isn’t gay, he thinks, but it’s no problem being on The Gay Team. Listen, they had the fucking cup! And Scott’s a really nice guy who made sure Stephen settled in comfortably to the team. Scott’s boyfriend is nice, too. He had a lot of fun those two seasons he got to play with Scott Hunter and the other guys on the team, although he was a little disappointed by the little ice time he got. The coach didn’t seem to know what to do with Stephen, and was always complaining that Stephen didn’t properly read any emails or messages in the group chats. Stephen didn’t fault his coach for that; he always seemed like he had a lot on his plate. After Scott Hunter came out to the world, their coach seemed to constantly live in a state of drowning underneath media inquiries and memos from MLH executive administration.

Then, Stephen was traded suddenly to the Montreal Voyageurs on a calm day in July of 2019. 

He doesn't know why the Voyageurs want him, nor does he know why the Admirals wanted Dmitri Andropov over him. Stephen really thought he had something special going on over in New York. Sure, some of the guys complained about his communication skills, but Stephen Aleksiev is really good at hockey. One would think that hockey-playing would triumph over the importance of one’s ability to write well and talk to the media using big, impressive words.

Stephen Aleksiev lets his hockey do the talking for him. Apparently, The Montreal Voyageurs appreciate this more than the New York Admirals. 

“You'll like it there,” his old coach told him over the phone after the trade news broke. “Your…skillset will be more appreciated.”

Stephen didn't know what he meant by that. He hoped it meant that the Montreal Voyageurs would like him.

Let’s go back to Alexis Theriault, longtime coach of the Montreal Voyageurs and the man who is currently staring Stephen Aleksiev down like Stephen is a sudoku puzzle gone wrong.

“I wanted to meet with you before training camps begin to talk about our policy towards confidentiality,” Theriault says.

“Okay,” Stephen responds, totally not understanding what his new coach is talking about. 

“You may learn some information about…your teammates and their personal lives. This is all strictly confidential.”

Stephen just stares. “Personal stuff?”

Theriault blinks. “Right,” he says, like he’s just remembered something. “They told me, sorry, I forgot. Uhm,” he continues. “Kid, you're gonna learn some stuff about team members that you can't tell your friends, family, other players, and especially not the media.”

Stephen nods. “Okay, yeah, it’s good to respect people’s privacy.” 

“Right,” Theriault says, still wary, staring at Stephen in a way that makes Stephen feel like he is being assessed. “Maybe, I think, I should warn you, about uh, what you might learn, and what specifically you can’t talk about.”

“Okay,” Stephen says, nodding, before he realizes something. “But wait, you just said that it’s, uhm, conferdenshal.” 

“Yeah, but you need to know," his new coach says with a sigh. "You’ll be working with a gay team captain. Some guys are really uncomfortable with it, but I promise that Shane Hollander is very professional,” he continues with a grimace. “And you may not tell anyone that Hollander is gay, or anything else you might hear about his private life.”

Oh! That’s an easy one, Stephen thinks. Montreal is much more similar to New York than he expected. “I've had a gay captain before,” Aleksiev says, smiling and immediately more relaxed. He’ll fit right in! “They're just like everyone else.”

Theriault blinks “Right. Scott Hunter,” again, he grimaces as he says it, like the reminder is something unpleasant. 

Stephen blinks a few times, confused by his new coach’s response, before remembering something really important. “Wait, did you just out him? Scott always told us that outing is really bad and you shouldn’t do it. Did you get permission from Hollander to tell me this?” He says, stumbling only a teeny tiny bit over the word “permission.” He’s proud of that. 

While he never had to put into practice the various lessons he learned from Scott about privacy and, well, not outing people without their permission, Stephen knows the shape of those lessons like he knows his own two feet. Stephen was just so excited to be part of the Admirals that he told every person in his life about how amazing it was to work with Scott Hunter, how cool his boyfriend is, and how much he loved his new team. Scott pulled him aside one day after Stephen gave a particularly long statement to a media outlet Stephen had never heard of before, and began to encourage Stephen to be a little bit more careful about how much personal information about himself and his teammates he willingly gave out to the public. 

Coach Theriault just stares at him, half scrutinizing and half confused. 

That was Stephen Aleksiev’s first clue that the Montreal Voyageurs were a very different team than what he is used to. 

They're…weird.

Stephen feels mostly welcomed by his new team when he walks into his first training camp, which is practically buzzing and threatening to burst at the seams from the sheer excitement (and nervousness) radiating off of all of the new prospects. He isn’t nervous about the camp like some of the other guys here must be, as he knows that he won’t have to fight the other new players and prospects for a spot. His spot on the roster is self-evident.

The Montreal Voyageurs are fresh off of a shocking Stanley Cup win after squeaking their way into the playoffs by the skin of their teeth. Understandably so, the expectations and the stakes are high, especially for a fresh face like Stephen Aleksiev. Stephen is meant to replace Dmitri Andropov, an absolutely killer left winger, and Coach Theriault has already told Stephen that they plan to try him out in Andropov’s position instead of shifting the whole team around. This means Stephen has some great ice time to finally look forward to. As for the expectations that come with a reigning champion team, well, Stephen is used to being on a team fresh off of a cup win, so the heavy expectations that follow aren’t something he will really gawk at. He’s starting to form the accidental habit of being the new guy on the reigning champion roster.

Stephen had heard from Scott Hunter that the Voyageurs are a bit more traditional than the Admirals, which Stephen did not really understand what he meant by that. He’s also heard from some other players he knows that the Voyageurs tend to practice very, very intensely. More specifically, he heard that they’re “batshit fucking insane,” “way too serious,” and “a group of major assholes.” He has also heard his new captain, Shane Hollander, described as “a freak of nature,” “absolutely fucking terrifying,” “a hockey-playing machine,” and “I dunno, man, he gives dictator vibes. Have you heard about some of the shit he puts his team through? Keep your girl away from him because I’ve heard he’ll fuck your girl if he is mad at you. It’s like, a crazy punishment tactic. He might as well try medieval torture methods.”

Stephen doesn’t have a girlfriend and he now knows that Shane Hollander is gay, so he mostly ignores that last bit of advice. 

There are several things about the Voyageurs that came as a surprise to him. Firstly, he met several team members that seemed like really nice guys and not at all the insane assholes they were cracked up to be. Bouchard was really concerned about Stephen finding a good grocery store to shop at, and Laine told him about how he’s been exploring creative writing as a way to process “big emotions.” Boiziau popped by despite not being expected at the camp for the next few weeks, just to introduce himself and give Stephen some restaurant recommendations (and meet some of the other prospects and new guys, of course, but he introduced himself to Stephen first, which made Stephen very happy [Stephen happened to be physically closest to JJ when this happened, so all of this is coincidental]).

Something else unexpected was the way his new teammate Koch told him that his new captain is a (insert mean word here that Stephen Aleksiev does not like and should be banned from the team’s mouths, just like it is banned amongst the Admirals) and also, apparently, a traitor.

Stephen asked what that meant. Koch explained that their captain, Shane Hollander, “traumatized everyone” after they won the cup by revealing that he is “gay married” to Ilya ‘the most monstrous, cartoonishly-evil man in the world’ Rozanov.

This tidbit of information was accidentally confirmed by Coach Theriault, who swooped into the conversation like an angry hawk ready to rip a mouse apart with its bare claws, telling them to “be quieter” and “stop fucking talking about the marriage in public, fuck, half of these guys here are about to go back to the Laval Rockets and I don’t want the entire fucking AHL to know our dirty laundry.” 

Coach Theriault proceeded to immediately launch into a whispered diatribe about how Shane Hollander marrying “that man” and “bringing his weird personal shit into the locker room, like fuck, he literally dragged him in there and shoved it in everyone’s faces. It was my worst fucking nightmare” was the worst thing that could have ever happened to the team, but mostly to him personally. Apparently everything about “the Hollander situation” has made Theriault’s job about eight hundred times more difficult, which Stephen is pretty sure is an exaggeration. 

Even Koch rolled his eyes and told their coach “come on, it’s really, really fucking strange, sure… but it’s not like this is the end of the world. Everyone’s so dramatic about it.” Coach shook his head and grumbled something along the lines of "you don't even know the half of it." 

Yeah, the Voyageurs are really weird. 

Adjusting to the Voyageurs is both easy and very, very difficult.

Stephen Aleksiev quickly learns that Shane Hollander, the formidable hockey machine that strikes fear in goalies everywhere, the sleep paralysis demon of half of the league, the grim reaper holding a hockey stick...is so nice. He wants to shout it from the rooftops: Shane Hollander is such a cool guy! He took Stephen out for coffee after their first training camp day together and asked Stephen how he was settling in. He really wanted to hear about Stephen’s apartment hunt in Montreal and seemed pleasantly surprised when Stephen told him that he managed to find a nice place while he was still living in New York. Then, Stephen showed him pictures of it, and his new captain started making some weird faces and asking questions about the utilities and other important apartment stuff.

Shane didn’t seem to like the fact that Stephen’s “front door” was a DIY’d cutout of some backyard fencing with a door handle slapped on, which immediately led to a terrifying spiral staircase, which then led to Stephen’s actual front door. This isn't to even mention the fact that this hidden fence entrance was in an alleyway behind all of the houses on the street…

When Stephen told Shane that there isn’t any heating in the bedroom, just the kitchen (with a small bathroom connecting the two rooms together, like the apartment is a weird digestive system that follows a singular route of bedroom-bathroom-kitchen-door, so Stephen can wake up, shower and get dressed, eat breakfast, and head out the door in a perfectly straight line), which is fine because the apartment is really small so the heat from the kitchen will just travel into the bedroom anyways, well…

Shane 'The Reaper' Hollander himself offered to help Stephen find a nicer place, which is, wow. What a nice guy. 

Shane checks in on Stephen sometimes, and he does the same for all of the younger members of the team. He tells funny jokes. He gives very thoughtful criticism when someone isn’t doing well at practice. He notices when someone has an “off” day. He offers Bouchard shockingly detailed advice when Bouchard asks how to have anal sex. He sends Stephen apartment listings sometimes that look way too nice for Stephen to actually live in, but he appreciates the thought. He just, you know, doesn't really need for there to be a fountain in the courtyard. A bedroom with heat would do.

A lot of the Montreal Voyageurs seem to disagree with the idea that their captain is a good guy.

Over the past few weeks, Stephen has slowly pieced-together what has been going on with the Montreal Voyageurs in recent years: apparently, Shane Hollander told them that he is gay and has a husband sometime in late 2017. A lot of the guys felt weird having a gay man on the team, especially as their captain, but they mostly got over it because Shane is good at hockey. Apparently, they had a lot of bad games because they couldn’t figure out how to play together, like somehow the presence of a gay man on their team was distracting enough that they’d forget how to interact with him despite having many solid (and cup-winning!) seasons together.

Stephen thinks these guys are fucking stupid. They’re all here to play hockey. Shane Hollander is good at hockey. What’s the problem? 

Then, the team finally got their act together (partially because their captain wanted to whip them into shape, but also because their coach was, according to Drapeau, “breathing down our fucking necks to forget about all of our personal shit while he figured out what to do about ‘the distraction problem’”) and they finally had a really good season again.

So good, actually, that they won the cup! 

And then, according to the guys, who all have conflicting stories about what has since been named The Incident, Captain Shane Hollander revealed to them that his loving husband is none other than Captain Ilya Rozanov of the Ottawa Centaurs, formerly captain of the Boston Bears and longtime Voyageurs enemy #1. The Incident seems to have metaphorically taken the trust Shane Hollander rebuilt in his team brick-by-brick and smashed it against the pavement until it exploded into a bunch of tiny shards.

The team talks about this revelation like it’s the most blasphemous thing their captain could ever do to them, on par with publicly decrying their team and taking a shit on center ice right above their logo. They, as a whole, seem to have a lot of opinions about it. Some guys, the second Shane is out of earshot, loudly theorize that he might be the hockey antichrist resolute on ruining them. A few guys, such as Pike and Renaud, are of the opinion that it’s fine that their captain is gay married, but they’re a little unsure about the fact that it’s Known Piece Of Shit Rozanov (strangely enough, Stephen has gotten the vibe that Pike is really close with Shane, which makes his disdain for Shane's husband a little unsettling). Some are just confused, because how on earth do those two work together, and isn’t Rozanov straight? Two team members, as of the current moment, are vocal, no-holds-barred supporters: Laine and Boiziau. 

Well, and Stephen too. He’s trying to be supportive, but his vocal defense of his new, super nice captain has been shot down by the accusation that he’s been brainwashed by Scott Hunter, and then the conversation swung right back to the fact that Shane is apparently a manipulative monster for hiding such a crucial piece of information from them all for years.

Most shocking of all, their coach seems to really hate Shane. He’s asked the guys (well, most of them. He never asked Boiziau, Laine, Pike, Renaud, or even Stephen. Stephen only knows this because he overheard Coach talking to Comeau about it) to report to him any information they have about “the problem.” He wants to know every moment the team feels uncomfortable around Hollander, any time they suspect Hollander might be fixing a game in favour of Rozanov (said with so much vitriol that it sounded like it hurt Coach’s throat to say), or anything else suspicious about Hollander’s relationship with his own husband. He said something about building a new case, or that there was a case in the past but there was not enough information so they need more if they want to try again, or something like that. Apparently, it’s up to the team to help him in the crusade against Shane Hollander, now that Hollander broke the one rule he was given and decided to make his husband’s identity public knowledge within the confines of the Montreal Voyageurs’ facilities.

Stephen’s pretty sure there’s no rule in hockey against telling people your spouse’s identity, but what does he know?

Ilya Rozanov, for what it’s worth, seems like a really cool guy. Shane has been calling him while he’s with the team, which is very exciting (for Stephen specifically. A lot of the other guys are really upset about it). Rozanov talks to them all when Shane puts his phone on speakerphone mode. He talks to them all about the weather, funny stories from his team, things he’s seen online recently, and about how everyone’s wives and girlfriends are so much cooler and fun than them (Stephen asked Bouchard what that was all about, and Bouchard kindly informed him that Ilya Rozanov is a proud Montreal WAG and talks to everyone’s partners “like all the fucking time, it’s crazy and kind of impressive, I don’t know where he finds the fucking time to text them about Selling Sunset when he’s got so much going on”).

Rozanov is like having a second captain who flirts with your main captain, which is both a very odd experience yet exciting thing to witness (Laine keeps talking to Stephen about how wonderful it is to see true love exist in front of his eyes. He uses a lot of phrases that don’t make a lot of sense, but sometimes they rhyme like songs do, which makes them nice to hear). Rozanov recently gave Stephen some advice on coming to an abrupt stop on his skates, a specific angle change he can make on his right foot, that has magically solved a sore spot Stephen has had there for the past…who knows how long. 

Stephen can’t really explain it well, but it feels like he’s been dropped into the middle of a beautiful, loving family, except for the fact that the vast majority of his siblings fucking hate their parents and want nothing more than for them to retire to a remote corner of the world, never to be seen or spoken about again. Coach, for some reason, insists that Ilya Rozanov is the reason why the Voyageurs family dynamic is “a fucking disaster,” which is crazy, because from Stephen’s outsider perspective, the only thing destroying the family dynamic is the way half of the team refuses to accept the truth of their captain’s love life.

It all just sounds really unfair to Stephen. 

In December, a thought crashes into Stephen Aleksiev, red-hot and blindingly bright. He stumbles, both literally and figuratively, with the weight of the realization that has come over him with a flash-bang:

All of the best hockey players he knows are gay. There’s Scott Hunter, Shane Hollander, and Ilya Rozanov. The evidence is damning.

Well, Ilya Rozanov is bisexual, not gay. This is something he has repeated over and over again over the phone, intent on getting the Montreal Voyageurs to acknowledge the existence of bisexuality, but also, sometimes he calls what he does gay, so Stephen doesn’t really know where the line is drawn. Like, he sometimes uses the phrase “gay sex” to describe what he and Shane do, loudly and always when someone on the Voyageurs team makes it apparent that the concept of two men having sex is something disgusting and foreign, which Stephen assumes is because maybe it’s uncouth to say “bisexual sex.” He makes a mental note to google that later, or maybe ask Reddit.

Right, yeah, gay/bisexual sex. All of the best hockey players he knows have gay sex. 

Listen, Stephen Aleksiev has never looked at another man and felt a stirring in his loins. He’s not really that interested in pursuing a relationship right now, much less with another guy, but then again…if a little gay sex is the secret sauce that takes a hockey player from good to great, well, why wouldn’t he experiment a little? Stephen Aleksiev might not be all that interested in a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone, but he sure as hell is interested in improving his hockey skills by whatever legal means necessary. Maybe if he does well enough he can join Shane Hollander’s line someday. Wouldn’t that be something?

Google does not give him the results he is looking for, which means he must find out for himself. Stephen approaches this season of his life like it is a scientific experiment. If other people aren’t brave enough to test it out, well, Stephen will be the brave pioneer of this scientific world. Science was always his highest grade in school besides PE, so it only makes sense.

Stephen Aleksiev downloads Grindr on the advice of a few google searches and very, very informative Reddit threads and creates a simple profile.

[Image description: a Grindr conversation between Stephen and a guy named Hoseok. Hoseok tells Stephen that he is vers uc jock4jock safe only and asks about Stephen. Stephen says "wat." Hoseok clarifies "What are you info?" and Stephen responds "IDK." Please ignore that the date is in November.]

His hypothesis: gay sex makes you better at hockey.

His methodology: Stephen meets with 3 men over the course of a single weekend. He tops once, he bottoms once (using the advice Shane gave to Bouchard, and committed to Stephen’s long term memory like almost everything Shane says in Stephen’s general vicinity, except for the things Stephen forgets, which are a lot of things), and he gives/receives oral twice. Stephen also holds long texting conversations with 3 other men who seem more interested in sexting than meeting up. He meets one man virtually over Skype and has the interesting experience of seeing another person’s butthole broadcasted in stilted, blurry pixels. 

Results: It does not improve his hockey skills.

Evaluation and future considerations: There is a possibility that he did something wrong. More data may be needed.

Stephen is not really good at tennis now. He tries it at an indoor tennis club with the hope that maybe the magic of gay sex has turned him into the next Serena Williams. He promptly gets a tennis ball to the chin. A magnificent, purple bruise blooms across his jaw within 30 minutes. He also trips over his shoelaces a few times, narrowly avoiding connecting his fresh bruise with the floor. 

He decides to table further exploration of his hypothesis and instead focus on practicing hockey.

SUBJECT: [IMPORTANT] Unconfirmed “Leaks” and Instructions for All Team

From: Voyageurs PR relationspubliques@voyageurs.ca

To: @Voyageurs All Team

Dec 29, 2019 12:31PM

We are aware of an alleged ongoing situation regarding the Voyageurs, MLH key stakeholders, and the Commissioner.

You may be contacted by reporters, friends, family members, fellow hockey players, and others. We urge you all to not comment on the alleged leaks. At this time, the authenticity of the leaked emails and memos is unconfirmed. 

Again: DO NOT COMMENT ON THE ALLEGED LEAKS. 

We will email you all again with updates as they come.

Regards,
Johanne and Thomas

PR Team, Montreal Voyageurs 

(514) xxx-xxxx ext. xx

1909 Av. des Voyageurs-de-Montréal, Montréal, QC H3B 2S2

Things are not getting much better in the locker room, the group chats, or outside of the rink. In fact, things seem so, so much worse now.

For starters, the “case” Stephen overhead Coach Theriault talking to a few of his teammates about has partially leaked to the press and general public, and now every member of the Montreal Voyageurs is experiencing an onslaught of messages, email inquiries, and cold calls so intense that it makes their phones feel like ticking time bombs. 

No one is reacting well to the news.

Almost immediately after the leak becomes known to everyone, Montreal’s PR team sends out a HIGH IMPORTANCE email that practically prophesied the torrential downpour of “hey just a quick question for you!”s that the entire team would begin to receive in about 30 minutes time. 

Laine is texting Stephen updates on a group chat that Stephen’s phone doesn’t have. He thinks that maybe his phone isn’t loading all of the messages. Laine keeps calling it “the team chat,” but Stephen is literally looking at the team chat and it seems pretty normal. The last message in it was sent by Shane Hollander about two hours ago, urging everyone to remain calm, professional, and focus on hockey. Half of the team thumbs-up reacted to it (except Hayden Pike, who reacted with a flexing arm emoji, and Bouchard, who reacted with a rainbow). It’s like Stephen’s phone is trying to protect him from the hell that is whatever Laine is relaying to him at rapid speeds (and frankly, Stephen is having a really hard time reading his frantic messages fast enough).

He heart reacts to his captain’s message in the team chat. He watches the animation as the heart settles into place. None of the messages Laine is talking about loads on Stephen's screen. It remains static and unchanged, except for that new heart reaction. Briefly, a thought crosses his mind: Maybe there is a second team group chat that he isn’t in.

Laine, in rapid-fire texts rolling in far too quickly for Stephen to read in real time, is explaining that some of the guys on the team have identified themselves as “anonymous whistleblowers” to Coach Theriault, and that they’re freaking out over the idea of their wives and girlfriends finding out and “ripping off their balls.” They’re also, apparently, freaking out that Ilya Rozanov might break into their homes and set them on fire or “whatever the hell they did to the Romanovs, they were Russian and got merked, right?”. There’s something about Shane Hollander making them bag skate until their legs disintegrate or going to the media and releasing all of their embarrassing photographs from previous annual holiday parties as a form of sick revenge. Olsson is especially concerned about this. Apparently the “whistleblowers” are saying that they would tell Coach every time they felt “intimidated” by Hollander, which is apparently every single time he invoked the name "Ilya" in the near vicinity of them.

Shane talks about Ilya a lot. 

There’s also, apparently, fierce debate over the idea that Shane and Ilya are cheating. Not on each other, Laine quickly clarifies. They mean cheating at hockey, somehow, which is crazy because aren’t they both two of the top active scoring skaters in the league? Some guys seem pretty convinced that the married couple have some kind of “agreement” regarding their winning streaks. Some are fiercely in disagreement. There are screenshots of statistics pages being shared. Someone has begun sharing screenshots from their Wikipedia pages as proof of whatever point they are trying to make, but Laine says it isn’t that clear. The group chat is a riot of images and accusations flying around. Hayden Pike is just sending photos of himself flashing his middle finger, as well as one picture of one of his kids, Jade (Laine thinks), also flashing a middle finger at the camera. 

Hayden Pike has been removed from the chat. 

Stephen checks the group chat and no, there is no notification that one of the alternate captains has been removed. Maybe there really is a second chat he isn’t in. He doesn’t think he wants to be in it. It sounds very overwhelming to him.

He cracks open his keyboard in the official, real Montreal Voyageurs group chat and sends a message of support:

Got it captin thanx a lot we luv you and wil always suport you

rosanov to 

we have youre backs

Shane Hollander heart reacts to it.

Pike, Boiziau, Bouchard, and Laine are organizing an effort to counteract the ongoing “whistleblowing” effort by planning to show up at Coach’s office at regular intervals to talk about how much they all love and appreciate their captain. Apparently, Stephen’s support text is what spurned this idea. There isn't much of an actual plan going on here beyond “we show up at Theriault's office regularly and just tell him our thoughts and hope that that magically fixes everything.” It sounds like a pretty solid idea. 

After the initial plan is made, Stephen joins in alongside Renaud, who isn’t as enthusiastic as the others but likes Shane well enough. Mitty is on the fence but says he’ll “probably” join them. Boiziau tried to convince Koch and Taylor to join, but both men politely rejected. So, the official Coach Theriault Office Crew becomes Pike, Boiziau, Aleksiev, Bouchard, Laine, and Renaud, with occasional support from Miitka. 

Renaud has the amazing, incredibly smart idea to ask Coach Theriault’s administrative assistant, Henri, to add a few meetings to their Coach’s calendar so that they know for a fact that their coach will be ready and waiting for them when they knock on his door. 

Chapter End Notes

Stephen's fucked up apartment is inspired by my actual real apartment in Plateau I rented when I lived in Montreal. The floors were really crooked and my bedroom hung over the alleyway. People could drive under it. Sometimes people would try to smoke under it and I would BLAST Shinee's Ring Ding Dong really loudly until they left.

Stephen wondering about the moon being real in Canada is inspired by a real, 1-hour long conversation I had with a customer at work

Stephen's weird anime girl phone background is a real mural in the Plateau neighbourhood in Montreal (Duluth ave if I remember correctly?)

Chapter 2: 2020: un alt account pour emporter svp

Chapter Notes

the thing about this chapter is that every time i opened my google doc, i blacked out, and when i came back to consciousness, luca haas was suddenly there. idk. i didnt plan on this

Stephen learns that after their third meeting with Coach, Henri has begun penciling in their scheduled meetings under code names so that Theriault does not cancel them, run away, or do something else drastic just to avoid them. Today's meeting is in Theriault’s calendar as “mandatory budget review.” Today, Laine has brought in a poem that he is excited to share and analyze together (he even has discussion questions prepared!), so Henri put them in the schedule for 45 minutes instead of their customary 20. 

Henri offers to block the office door with a chair so Theriault can’t escape without throwing himself out of a window.

Today, when Stephen walks into Theriault’s office (alone, this time. Everyone else had plans except Stephen, and he hasn’t had a chance to have a one-on-one chat with his coach since training camp), his coach holds a single hand up in a “stop” motion. There are a lot more grey hairs on Theriault’s head nowadays, and they seem to multiply each week. Theriault’s tie looks rumpled and messed up, which is another new thing for him. Maybe it’s a fashion statement.

“Please, fuck, not today,” Theriault begs quietly. “I’ve got a fuckin’ migraine.”

“I have extra strength, uh, ibrewprorfen in my bag,” Stephen offers. “If it’s okay, I just want to talk briefly.”

“About what,” Theriault snaps. 

Stephen plops into the chair directly across from Theriault and smiles. He’s come armed with a few good phrases that Renaud practiced with him, patiently helping him through pronouncing some of the complicated syllables. “I want to provide feedback about Captain’s conflict management strategies,” Stephen recites proudly. “Postive feedback. I think I can provide some valuable insight as a recent acquisition.” He stumbles only slightly over “acquisition,” which is fine because it is still coherent, and he didn’t mess anything else up.

Theriault stares at him like he’s just grown a second head. 

Stephen rummages through his bag and locates his notebook and a bottle of ibuprofen, both of which he places gingerly on Theriault’s desk. 

“I wrote down everything I like about how Captain handles the locker room,” he says, flipping to the first page. Stephen filled about three-quarters of the Dollarama notebook (with a lenticular cover featuring three wolves howling at the moon with “CANADA” written above the entire scene. It’s cool as fuck. Stephen sent a photo to Ilya on Instagram and even he said it was cool, and Ilya Hollander-Rozanov is like, the definition of cool. If you went to the library, asked for a dictionary printed post-fall of the Soviet Union, and flipped it to “cool,” Stephen’s like 80% sure there would be a tiny photograph of Ilya Hollander-Rozanov printed on the page) last night with compliments about his captain’s methods of handling the team, and he only had to scratch out a few lines. He’s really proud of this notebook. 

Theriault sinks down on his desk and lays his head against his arms. 

“Kid, please, don’t do this,” he says. “I just had Couillard and Drapeau in here whining that Hollander’s using his ‘gulag guard dog’ to intimidate him. We had to do official fuckin’ reports and everything. Do you know how much paperwork a report like that needs? How many meetings I’ve gotta have with people I don’t give a flying fuck about? I’m sick and tired of this. I regret...” Then, Theriault’s head snaps up. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you that, fuck. Aleksiev, don’t say shit or I’ll trade your ass to fuckin’ Buffalo or something.” 

Stephen just nods casually and pushes his notebook slightly closer to Theriault. The howling wolves move slightly on the cover, which is just so cool. “My feedback,” he says. “I want to talk about it.”

Theriault scrubs a hand over his face and groans. “Fine.” He reaches out and grabs Stephen’s bottle of Ibuprofen and shakes two pills into the palm of his hand.

“Fuck, I hate playing against this fucking team now,” Kohn whines as he puts on his gear. Shane Hollander-Rozanov literally just stepped out of the room to have an impromptu “quick, mandatory meeting about expectations” with Coach Theriault ahead of the game. Shane’s probably still within earshot because Kohn barely waits for him to clear the door threshold before stating his opinion. Shane’s shadow is practically still inside of the room.

Today, the Montreal Voyageurs are playing against the Ottawa Centaurs. Normally, the Centaurs are not a team to be particularly worried about. They’ve been having a much better season than usual, sure, but they’re still not a powerhouse like reigning champions The Montreal Voyageurs. In fact, most teams write the Centaurs off entirely. Nowadays, the Voyageurs cannot do that. They no longer have the luxury of ignoring the Ottawa Centaurs like playing them is a formality to get out of the way before they reach more historically competitive teams like the Admirals. Firstly, the Centaurs are actually good enough to threaten the Voyageurs now, and secondly, there’s the elephant in the room named Ilya Hollander-Rozanov. 

The Voyageurs keep calling him Rozanov both amongst themselves and to Ilya’s face. Only a few guys on the team give him the respect he demands (which is to say, calling him by his freshly-minted government name). Something about attaching ‘Hollander’ before the ‘Rozanov’ makes the skin crawl on some of the guys on the team. It makes pretending that their captain isn’t married to the guy a bit easier when they can separate the names, after all. 

Stephen doesn’t give a fuck about separating and pretending and all of that. He likes the way that Ilya Hollander-Rozanov has become so intertwined into their team that he acts like their stepfather. He knows that he’s in the minority in that way; most guys on the team aren’t sharing memes with Ilya Hollander-Rozanov on Instagram, nor are they chatting with him on Snapchat. Most of the team has taken on an attitude of frustrated tolerance, preferring to do their best to ignore the loud Russian voice booming from their team captain’s phone speakers on days Shane decides to call up his husband while still in his team’s presence. A smaller but very vocal portion of the team is absolutely fucking furious about the way the season’s been going. Stephen’s been told that things used to be “way more normal around here” and that “Hollander was fine when he wasn’t shoving it in our faces.” He’s heard on more than one occasion that some of the guys desperately miss the days when Hollander was closeted and “the rivalry meant something.”

Stephen wasn’t around for any of that, but he doesn’t think it would have impacted his opinions on the whole matter. He won’t lie, he’s pretty fucking excited to see Ilya in person for this game. Ilya’s been promising him a fist bump, and he’s pretty hyped for that. Fist bumps are, like, magical. 

Stephen’s also excited to finally see Luca Haas in person again. 

Luca’s a pretty shy guy in comparison to some of the other Ottawa Centaurs. Some days, when Shane calls Ilya while Ilya is still with his own team, the two teams (or rather, the majority of the Centaurs alongside a smaller portion of Voyageurs) chat. Stephen likes to imagine it like the two teams are holding hands in a big circle through the wifi. Boodram and Hayes are usually the most chatty, with the occasional “must-hear Roz story” from Dykstra, but Stephen looks forward to chatting with Luca Haas the most.

He doesn’t know what he did or said to make Ilya aware that he wants to talk with Luca more, but regardless, Ilya has figured him out. It should probably make Stephen a little nervous, having his wants and needs read so easily and so quickly even from afar, but seeing a message from Ilya on Instagram saying that he asked Luca Haas if he’d be okay with Ilya sharing his phone number with Stephen, and the fact that Luca said yes…well, Stephen doesn’t really care how that all happened. He’s a results-focused guy, and this is a very good result. 

He and Luca have been chatting just a little. At first, Luca had a hard time reading Stephen’s texts and Stephen had a hard time meticulously reviewing each word he typed to correct everything before hitting send, so they made a compromise: they’d call or send voice notes. They talk a little less than Stephen would like because of this given their busy schedules, but he’s happy to have made a fun new friend.

“I’m excited,” Stephen says aloud to Kohn. “This is going to be a fun game.”

Comeau’s face twists into something kind of ugly (which is saying something, because Stephen really hates calling people ugly because it’s mean and rude to do, but he won’t lie: Comeau makes some ugly faces sometimes). “What, are you sucking Rozanov’s dick too?”

“No,” Stephen answers truthfully.

“Come on man, shut the fuck up,” Hayden Pike says. “Leave him alone.” 

Stephen respects Pike’s willingness to stand up for him, but Stephen feels the need to defend himself. He and Laine have been talking about the need to be more vocal supporters of their captain and help him shut down homophobia in the team and this sounds like a great chance for Stephen to really step up. 

“There’s nothing wrong with sucking dick,” Stephen says very seriously. “Obviously, I am not sucking Ilya Hollander-Rozanov’s dick, because he is in a loving mon-monorgamious marriage with Captain, and I'm not sure I even like sucking dick, I think,” he continues. A tense silence falls over the room. 

“You think?” JJ Boiziau asks. 

“I mean,” Stephen continues, throwing his jersey over his head. It’s still a little weird to throw his Voyageurs jersey on after getting used to the bright red Admirals fare, but least the Voyageurs’ away jerseys look similar enough to not cause him any visual dissonance. “I tried, but it was just okay,” he says with a shrug. “What do you all think about it?”

“About sucking dick?” Olsson asks in open disbelief at what he’s hearing. 

“Yeah,” Stephen says. “You know how all the best players in the league are gay, or uh, bisexual? Obviously there is something to it, so I assumed everyone at least tried?” There are way too many shocked and confused eyes staring at him right now. “I thought that maybe it’d make me better at hockey, but I don’t think I did it right, I dunno,” he continues. 

“What the fuck is going on with this team,” Drapeau mumbles quietly, except it sounds like he’s screaming it from the rooftop because of how ungodly silent it is in the room. 

“Wow,” Laine says with wonder. “You might be onto something.”

Some of the guys share what Stephen thinks must be meaningful looks with each other, but he can’t quite tell what they mean. 

"Drop it, guys, I'm serious," Pike says warningly.

Shane returns to the room amidst the tense silence. He looks completely and utterly baffled by it, probably expecting at least some idle chatter or raucous pre-game energy. Somehow, Shane’s return to the room breaks the tension, and everyone returns to what they were doing before Stephen started talking about sucking dick for hockey skills. 

After overhearing Stephen talking about schlepping a load of laundry down his metal spiral staircase, through an alleyway, and down the street to the local laundromat-cum-coffee shop, Shane’s insistence on helping Stephen find a new apartment kicks into overdrive. Apparently, Shane has some kind of connection to the landlord and convinces her to let Stephen rent the top floor condo of a nearby building that isn’t too large or too small. Shane comes with Stephen to sign the lease and seems to know his way around the space a little too well, like he's been there several times.

Ilya has mentioned a few times that Shane has a "real estate fetish," which Stephen interpreted as a funny way to say that Shane likes architecture and browsing rentals. He's not so sure anymore. He catches sight of Shane's phone briefly, where Shane is typing a few quick messages to Ilya. Stephen can't read it fast enough, but he sees something about a sex condo, so maybe there is an actual fetish involved. 

It doesn't matter, he thinks. He has a nice, normal condo now. Shane even made sure he has heat in the entire place! And in-unit laundry! The shower is even big enough for Stephen to move around in without feeling cramped! This is luxury at its finest. Who is Stephen to question whether or not his captain gets off on renting? Stephen has encountered stranger things in his life. This is nothing.

When everyone’s lives are turned upside down halfway through March, Stephen’s faced with a few dilemmas. 

Firstly, everything– yes, everything!-- has moved online, which means there is a lot more reading and writing to be done. There are zoom meetings, emails, instant messenger communicating, the whole nine yards. Stephen is added to group chats where messages stream in way too fast. His coach organizes a Zoom meeting a week into their mandatory two-week isolation time (meant to be short lived, just long enough to squash the spread of the virus so they can all return to life as usual, resume their season, and forget about those weird two weeks where everyone was posting Tiktoks about kneading sourdough). Stephen’s screen fills with his teammates blurry, pixelated faces (well, almost all of them. Bouchard’s camera is weirdly tilted and cuts off directly below his nose, so the only thing Stephen can see are his lips all the way down to his waistline. Something about it feels vaguely uncomfortable to see, like Stephen has accidentally clicked on something that gives him a vague sense of thrill mixed with shame, except, this is just his teammate positioning his web camera weirdly). There’s something strange yet interesting about seeing the backgrounds of everyone’s camera views, like Stephen’s getting a quick glimpse into their lives outside of hockey by way of the dead space behind their bodies. Comeau has a huge Anakin Skywalker poster in a glass frame directly behind him. Boiziau’s walls are a sage green colour. Drapeau has a New England Patriots poster, for some reason, which is weird because Stephen is pretty sure the guy is from New Brunswick. 

Shane Hollander-Rozanov has…Ilya Hollander-Rozanov in the background, playing a video game. 

“Hi, guys,” Shane says.

Behind him, Ilya says waves obnoxiously at the camera. “Hi, Voyageurs. I am playing against you right now. I am destroying you, obviously,” he says.

Shane glances at to the side, likely at the television screen, and rolls his eyes. “He’s losing, actually,” Shane tells the Zoom call. Ilya yells out an offended HEY! in the background.

"Good," Boiziau says seriously. 

Comeau mutes himself and says something to someone off-screen before unmuting himself again.

“Hollander,” Coach Theriault groans. He’s not in his office, which is kind of a shock to see. There’s a wooden “live, laugh, love,” sign next to his head, which is downright shocking to see. He doesn't exactly give off the vibes that he laughs or loves all that much. “Rozanov is not invited to this call.”

“I am not in your boring call,” Ilya says casually. “I am playing hockey video game.”

“Hollander. Go somewhere else for this meeting.”

“No,” Shane says casually. A few guys groan. Drapeau goes out of his way to unmute himself to make his displeasure audible. “Ilya won’t bother us, right, sweetheart?” Shane’s shifted slightly, now closer to his computer and partially blocking the view of his husband (but not entirely). Ilya makes an affirmative sound while still playing his game. 

“Pike just scored,” Ilya says quietly, but just loud enough for the microphone to pick up. It doesn’t seem like he says it out loud on purpose. “This game is trash and unrealistic.”

Pike does not defend himself; his web camera is off and it is unclear if he is even listening. The only sign of life coming from the Pike box in the corner of the Zoom call is an occasional crashing sound, followed by a noise that sounds like a child’s firetruck toy with a particularly loud speaker. 

“I am going to mute everyone,” Coach Theriault says. “Let’s get this over with.” 

The season is suspended indefinitely and Stephen is stuck in Canada. 

Theoretically, he could go back to Maryland. Going to the US would be relatively easy…the issue is that reentering Canada could be a problem even with his work permit. What if they’re allowed to go back to practice before the border reopens as usual? What if the season is unsuspended and changed so the Canadian teams play against each other and the US teams play against each other, but both sections of the MLH remain separated? What if Stephen leaves, can’t come back, and the Voyageurs trade him? He just got settled in his nice new apartment that Shane hand-picked for him. It’s the nicest place he’s ever lived, if he is being honest. Also, his mom keeps telling him to stay put for his own safety, as well as the safety of his grandparents, so…the decision is kind of made for him. He’ll stay in Montreal until further notice. 

Stephen finds a new source of joy: friendship bracelets. After careful deliberation and countless hours spent perusing various craft tutorials and videos, Stephen is no longer able to resist the siren song of threading little embroidery floss strands together into intricate shapes. He finds that something about the weaving action clicks with his brain, once his fingers are able to catch up, and the finished product is pleasing to the eye. They’re portable, so he can continue making them when the season starts back up and the team begins to travel again. It’s easy to find and replenish his supplies. 

He also gets to send bracelets to everyone he knows and loves.  Soon, there will be a little network of people Stephen appreciates, all connected by the little woven bracelets they wear. Stephen even places an order online for a few keychain split rings so he can weave keychains for the people he knows won’t ever wear a bracelet, like his grandpa. 

Nowadays, he loves playing Quiplash with his team (and Captain-in-Law), despite the fact that he almost never wins. Apparently, everyone can tell which anonymous prompt responses belong to him. He doesn't know how they do it. 

Thankfully, sometimes he is funny enough that everyone votes for his responses even though they know who the author is.

He wins for the first time during a quiet evening in late April.

Stephen’s lonely daily routine becomes consistent as lockdown rages on. 

Stephen tries his best to wake up at the same time every day and have a big breakfast. He does a morning workout followed by a yoga cooldown that he learned through a Zoom class taught by Shane, but he’s pretty sure he’s doing something a little wrong because it’s actually very difficult to manage and not at all relaxing like Shane claims it is meant to be. Afterwards, he takes a quick shower and spends some time catching up with whatever he’s missed that day, scrolling through his text messages and DMs and responding as needed. 

His afternoons are split between visiting some of the guys still in Montreal (often for an outdoor run or a little visit in a public park, always with a teensy tiny bit more space between them than there once was) and making more friendship bracelets. Sometimes he pops by Canada Post to mail some bracelets out to whoever he has made them for– the guys on the team who returned to various parts of the country to spend time with their families, his old teammates on the Admirals, his family, a few former classmates, and some guys he played with in Juniors. Sometimes Stephen hops on a STM bus, taking advantage of the relatively empty vehicles, and steps off randomly to explore unfamiliar sections of the city he hasn't had a chance to explore yet, like Charlevoix and Namur. He often finds himself wandering through the streets looking for velo vole scrawled on paper and walls throughout the city. Sometimes, he picks up a too-sweet coffee and pastry at a Second Cup solely because they’re one of the only places that lets you walk inside to order instead of demanding you preorder for curbside takeout. 

(There are signs everywhere begging the people of Montreal to stop saying “takeout” and instead substitute the phrase with “pour emporter.” Stephen tries a few times to honour the request, but the folks at the restaurants always fix him with a steady gaze and ask “for takeout?” which makes him feel like there must be something horribly wrong with his pronunciation. He tries regardless; the government of Quebec has kindly requested he use the French, and so he will try his hardest).

In the evening, Stephen watches movies and television shows over his homemade dinner (It's something he is still getting used to doing for himself. He isn't an amazing chef by any means, but he’s decent enough. He sometimes wanders into unfamiliar grocery stores in the unfamiliar parts of the city and walks out with unfamiliar ingredients with the express intention of experimenting, which goes well about 45% of the time. He hasn't gotten the hang of working with Thai green curry paste without making it excruciatingly spicy, for example. He’s recently learned that he can make fantastic arroz con pollo, which is a huge victory), and sometimes he plays games online. He’s getting pretty good at Among Us, even if some of the anonymous players think he’s an 11 year old masquerading as a fully-grown adult, for some reason. 

Most days, he spends a bit of time swapping voice notes or having long phone calls with Luca Haas. Luca has recently introduced Stephen to online video watch parties, and they hold their own two-person movie sessions. Luca usually suggests thrillers, but sometimes he prefers to watch something a little more relaxed. During their most recent movie night, Luca showed Stephen a Brazilian movie called The Way He Looks. It was a little hard for Stephen to watch because the subtitles moved pretty quickly and he does not know Portuguese, but he’s pretty sure he understood the gist of it. He made a little mental note to watch more things with subtitles so he can learn how to read them faster and enjoy more movies with Luca in the future. 

Both of them cried during the movie, which was a little weird. They don’t normally watch things that make them cry. They didn’t talk about it. 

Today marks a severe deviation from his newfound routine. Today, Luca Haas is driving to Montreal, by himself, with the express purpose of spending time in-person with Stephen. The anticipation is making Stephen so excited that he thinks he might pass out.

It would suck if he passed out. He imagines Luca arriving to his nice new apartment only to find Stephen collapsed face-down on the hardwood floor. How embarrassing.

They’ve got a whole weekend planned, and Stephen hopes that if all goes well, he can maybe push for Luca to stay a few extra days. It’s not like either of them have a whole lot going on as two lonely guys trapped in a country neither of them call home, jobs on indefinite pause, and quite a lot of money to spare. Stephen’s place is nice and suitable for two people (although he did need to order an air mattress because the place is only outfitted with one bed, and he didn’t want to freak Luca out by suggesting they share Stephen’s, and so Stephen frantically ordered an air mattress and extra sheets online). He bought plenty of food, has some games, and has big plans to teach Luca how to make his own friendship bracelets and show him around Montreal. Stephen really likes jogging around the Parc Olympique and hopes Luca will like it too. 

When Luca knocks on Stephen’s door, Stephen (fully conscious and very much not a crumpled heap on the floor) swings it open so fast that Luca doesn’t even have the time to lower his fist. He immediately notices that Luca has the Ottawa Centaurs-coloured bracelet Stephen mailed him a few weeks ago. It looks really nice on him! Red is Luca’s colour.

SUBJECT: Social Media Use Reminder

From: Alexis Theriault atheriault@voyageurs.ca.qc

To: @Voyageurs All Team

Jun 1, 2020 6:47PM

This is a reminder for all team members to be mindful of statements made on public-facing social media accounts and while speaking to the media. 

You represent the Montreal Voyageurs both on and off the ice. 

Please reach out to me or members of our PR team if you have any questions or concerns. 

Regards,
Alexis Theriault

Coach, Montreal Voyageurs 

(514) xxx-xxxx ext. xx

1909 Av. des Voyageurs-de-Montréal, Montréal, QC H3B 2S2

RE: Social Media Use Reminder

From: Stephen Aleksiev saleks@hotmales.com

To: Alexis Theriault atheriault@voyageurs.ca.qc

Jun 2, 2020 11:52 AM

Thanx for the reminder coach ill mak a staytment about captin right nowe 

Love stephen

RE: RE: Social Media Use Reminder

From: Alexis Theriault atheriault@voyageurs.ca.qc

To: Stephen Aleksiev saleks@hotmales.com

Jun 2, 2020 11:54 AM

THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

Alexis Theriault

Coach, Montreal Voyageurs 

(514) xxx-xxxx ext. xx

1909 Av. des Voyageurs-de-Montréal, Montréal, QC H3B 2S2

Captin on law Ilya Rosnov is calling…

Stephen slides his finger to pick up the call and nearly rejects it in the process. 

“Hi,” he says into the phone once he is certain that he didn't accidentally decline a phone call from his super cool, super nice captain-in-law.

“Aleks,” Ilya drawls like it is a greeting. “Tell your boyfriend to stop ignoring me.”

Stephen does not have a boyfriend. 

“I sent him many funny memes on Instagram and he is not looking at them,” Ilya continues. “What? Are my memes not good enough? He is not doing anything important. He has the time to look at his phone and respond to my memes.”

“I don't have a boyfriend,” Stephen says. 

“What?” Ilya asks, audibly shocked and confused. “Did you break up?” He continues. Stephen doesn't understand what the fuck is going on. “Aleks, you need to take him back. He can change. I'll fix him for you. Just tell me what happened.”

“Who are you talking about?” Stephen asks, growing more and more confused by the moment. Has he begun sleepwalking and somehow managed to start dating in his sleep? Does he have amnesia after one too many hits to the head? Has he forgotten such an important detail of his life in his quarantine haze? 

Actually, this sounds likely. 

“Who?” He asks. Maybe hearing the name will jog his memory. 

“Luca? Luca Haas? Haasy?” Ilya says, very obviously befuddled and somewhat panicked. 

Luca! Silly Ilya. Stephen and Luca aren't boyfriends. Stephen is like 90% certain of it. They're just really really close friends.

The remaining 10% is just in case he actually does have amnesia.

“Who you have been dating for several months?!” Ilya continues.

“Oooohhh,” Stephen says, long and drawn out. Ilya makes an impatient sound on the other side of the line. “We aren't dating,” Stephen clarifies. “I've never had a boyfriend.”

Ilya audibly clicks his tongue to the roof of his mouth. “Are you sure?” He asks.

Uhm.

“Uhm,” Stephen says. “Yes? Maybe? Has Luca told you we are boyfriends?” Maybe they really are dating and Stephen forgot, which sounds like a real dick move if he is Luca’s boyfriend. What's the protocol for forgetting you're dating someone? Flowers? Chocolates? Does Luca even like those? Of course he does, he is Swiss, and Stephen watched a YouTube video about Switzerland and learned that they love chocolate there. Shit, maybe Canadian chocolate isn't good enough?

Wait, does Stephen even need to think about all of this? He doesn't need to grovel and apologize for forgetting about his boyfriend if he doesn't have a boyfriend to start with.

Ilya makes another frustrated noise. “No. He doesn't tell me anything,” he grumbles. “Whatever. Think about it. And tell him to check his fucking Instagram messages. I've sent him great memes!”

“You can send them to me, too,” Stephen says. 

“Sure,” Ilya says and immediately hangs up.  

[IMPORTANT] SUBJECT: Reminder about media communications 

From: Thomas Huang thuangPR@voyageurs.ca.qc

To: @Voyageurs All Team

Aug 2, 2020 11:12 AM

Hi everyone,

We are aware that some team members are in communication with journalists as “anonymous insider sources.” 

I can't believe I have to YET AGAIN remind you all to NOT DO THIS.

DO NOT! GIVE STATEMENTS TO THE MEDIA! REGARDING INTERNAL OPERATIONS AND PERSONAL CONCERNS ABOUT THE ORGANIZATION

IF YOU WANT TO EMAIL THE FOLKS AT HOCKEYSLOPNEWS AT LEAST TELL ME FIRST SO I HAVE A CHANCE TO FIND A BROOM TO CLEAN YOUR MESS WITH 

 

Regards,

Thomas Huang

PR Team, Montreal Voyageurs

(514) xxx-xxxx ext. xx

1909 Av. des Voyageurs-de-Montréal, Montréal, QC H3B 2S2

Go habs go!

RE: Reminder about media communications 

From: Thomas Huang thuangPR@voyageurs.ca.qc

To: @Voyageurs All Team

Aug 2, 2020 2:36 PM

Hi everyone,

Upon some reflection I would like to apologize for the tone I used in the all team email I sent out earlier today.

I am under a lot of stress right now. I hope you understand. 

Stop talking to Jean Paul Beaudry and Monica Kim, please.

 

Regards,

Thomas Huang

PR Team, Montreal Voyageurs

(514) xxx-xxxx ext. xx

1909 Av. des Voyageurs-de-Montréal, Montréal, QC H3B 2S2

Go habs go!

RE: RE: Reminder about media communications

From: Stephen Aleksiev saleks@hotmales.com

To: Thomas Huang thuangPR@voyageurs.ca.qc

Aug 2, 2020 3:01 PM

I dont kno hoo Jon Paul Beadry or Monicas Jim is. how do I talk to threm and also isd it rekwired. wil it be bad if I donf talk to them

Love Stephen

RE: RE: RE: Reminder about media communications 

From: Thomas Huang thuangPR@voyageurs.ca.qc

To: Stephen Aleksiev saleks@hotmales.com

Aug 2, 2020 3:11 PM

Hi Stephen,

As per my last email:

DO NOT TALK TO JEAN PAUL BEAUDRY OR MONICA KIM

Regards,

Thomas Huang

PR Team, Montreal Voyageurs

(514) xxx-xxxx ext. xx

1909 Av. des Voyageurs-de-Montréal, Montréal, QC H3B 2S2

Go habs go!

 

Ilya Hollander-Rozanov runs a tight ship, even a 4-hour drive away and forcibly separated from his husband by a literal fence barrier called the Toronto MLH Playoffs Bubble.

Stephen checks the Shane Defense Squad Google calendar on his phone more often than he checks his email. It’s meticulously put together and organized in a way that makes him a little dizzy when he looks at it, which is something he expressed to Ilya (with a lot of reluctance after a lot of encouragement from Luca) early on into his stay in the bubble. Ilya sent Stephen a private calendar that does away with all of the complications, taking the calendar and boiling it down until only the parts relevant to Stephen are there. The font is different, too. It’s a bit more rounded than the other calendar’s font and just slightly easier for Stephen to read. Luca told him over the phone that he suggested the font change after doing some “research,” which he didn’t elaborate on.

Usually, the Stephen-specific calendar tells him which other person he will team up with on their joint mission to defend, distract, and generally watch over Shane Hollander-Rozanov. Stephen is often paired up with someone from the Admirals, which is always nice. The guys on the team were always fun to be around and Stephen looks at his time as an Admiral fondly. Scott gave him a huge, bone-crushing hug when he saw him on day two, just moments before they knocked on Shane’s door to invite him to walk around the hotel and see if they have yoga in the gym, and it kind of felt like coming home.

Two days later, Stephen and Matti Jalo joined forces to have lunch with Shane, except somewhere in the process Shane managed to shake them off and disappear back to his room far earlier than Ilya’s painstakingly-organized schedule claimed he would. Ilya didn't seem concerned when Matti asked what they should do– in fact, Ilya seemed very aware that Shane had abandoned his schedule and returned to the privacy of his room. He texted them saying there was a change in plans and that he was taking care of it 😜🍆🔥. Matti then asked Stephen if he wanted to look around the hotel for “a killer parkour spot” and promptly twisted his ankle after falling while trying to climb the sides of the hotel Assassin’s Creed-style. The Admirals are, unfortunately, just a tiny bit fucked now that one of their star players is out with an embarassing parkour injury. Apparently the Admirals PR team is trying everything in their power to ensure that nothing gets out about the incident, instead claiming that Matti was injured during a closed-door practice. 

Today, Stephen’s name is all by itself next to Shane’s daily evening gym session timeslot. He checks the main, not Stephen-friendly calendar, bracing himself as the wall of text and colours slap his eyes, and finds that yes, he is the only person available. 

He decides to text Laine hey I know youy aren't in the skejewel but do you want to go to yhe jim with me abnd captin

Sorry, Laine responds fairly quickly. I have my weekly spoken word zoom class tonight.

Working out with Shane Hollander-Rozanov is…an experience. His captain is focused and intense in a way that Stephen rarely sees in other people, and it makes him want to do better. His captain really is a role model in all senses. If only Coach Theriault and some of the other guys on the team could see their captain the way Stephen sees him! 

Stephen’s doing curls today, whereas apparently it’s leg day for Shane. Stephen watches as Shane sinks into an impressive, controlled squat. His shorts ride up his legs as he sinks lower and lower, slowly revealing more glistening, toned muscle. It’s…impressive, amongst other things.

“Wow,” Stephen says out loud, which startles Shane out of whatever flow state he was in. Stephen sets his dumbbell down, abandoning his workout in favour of imitating Shane’s squat. 

“Like this?” he asks as he sinks lower. 

Shane nods seriously. “Good, but mind your knees. Make sure they’re aligned with your feet.”

Stephen nods and corrects himself. His captain is so cool and smart. He’s like a well of knowledge. And, well, Stephen doesn’t usually get an opportunity to have Shane’s undivided attention, so maybe it’s a good chance to pick his brain a little. 

“Captain,” he starts, sinking down into another squat. “How did you know you are gay?” 

Shane looks visibly taken aback by the sudden question, staring at Stephen in shock for a few brief seconds before shaking the surprise off. “That’s…uh…” he starts, opening and closing his mouth a few times. “It was pretty obvious to me that I liked men, I guess,” he says after a moment. “It was harder to figure out that I don't like women the same way.” 

Stephen hums. “That's interesting,” he says. “But like, how did you know that you like men? How was it obvious?”

Shane takes a moment to think through his response, face carefully blank. He’s given up on his squats, instead opting to plop onto the gym floor and face Stephen for their conversation. “I guess it was obvious to me when I realized I wanted to have sex with men,” Shane says matter-of-factly after a solid minute of silent deliberation. He cringes a little after saying this, like he regrets not coming up with anything else.

Stephen nods. “Okay,” he says, before moving to mirror his captain’s position on the floor. “I tried to be gay a few months ago, because I thought it would make me better at hockey, but it was just okay,” he continues. Shane makes a very strange facial expression. Stephen’s never seen his face move so much! “So I gave up, but now think I might have a boyfriend? And having sex with him is really nice, like nicer than with the other guys, so I was thinking maybe I am finally doing the gay thing right, but I wanted another opinion.”

“Wow,” Shane breathes out, face still doing a series of weird movements. Stephen suddenly worries that he shouldn’t have said all of that. Where did he go wrong, specifically? “Uh, thanks for telling me, Aleks. That’s…I mean– wow,” Shane rambles. He’s smiling now, so maybe Stephen didn’t say something weird after all. 

Shane’s eyebrows suddenly furrow. “Wait…what was that about getting better at hoc–”

The question is cut off by the door opening, announcing the arrival of interlopers into their fortress of solitude. Well, technically they have every right to come in. It’s not a private space; it’s open to all players and there is a big sign out front and inside the gym announcing that the current capacity is 10 people, stationed 2 meters apart. 

The interlopers, Troy Barrett and Dallas Kent, meander in. Troy stops dead in his tracks when he sees Shane and Stephen sitting on the floor, partially blocking his friend Dallas from entering the room any further. Shane and Troy make quick, somewhat panicked eye contact with each other before Shane begins to scramble to stand up. 

It takes Stephen a few moments to catch up with the reality happening before him. He’s suddenly hit with the memory of Ilya telling the Shane Defense Squad that under no circumstances can Shane be left alone with a specific list of players, which just so happened to contain about 85% of the Toronto Guardians. Dallas Kent was actually #1 on the list while Troy Barrett simmered at a more respectable 7th place. While Shane isn’t alone with them, he’s still in an enclosed space with Stephen as the only reinforcement and witness. He realizes that this is his moment to save the day, just like a few days ago when Shane did an Instagram live and Scott Hunter was freaking out in the Shane Defense Squad group chat over needing to come up with a distraction so Shane wouldn’t panic about something in front of thousands of live viewers. In that moment, Stephen looked around his sparse hotel room, caught sight of the television, and quickly quickly typed “captin  can u show me how 2 turn on the tv pls I cant fgiure it out” into the livestream chat. It wasn’t his strongest work, but it served its purpose of distracting Shane. Stephen knew how to turn on the television, but he’ll admit he didn’t know how to turn on the closed captions. He’s glad Shane showed him that– it’s been good to practice reading messages as they appear by reading the subtitles. Luca’s gonna be so impressed the next time they watch a non-English language movie together.

Now’s another chance for Stephen to think quickly on his feet and save the day. 

“Captain,” he says, scrambling to stand up. “We forgot about the team meeting.”

“Team meeting?” Shane asks, warily watching Dallas and Troy. Troy silently mouths “go, go, go,” to Shane, but Stephen’s not really good at lip reading so there’s a chance he’s mouthing “ho, ho, ho,” like Santa Claus. 

“Yeah,” Stephen continues, ignoring Santa Barrett. “We need to go, uhm, now, to go talk about our power play with Coach. Remember?”

Shane nods slowly. “Yeah,” he says. “Let’s go, Aleks.” 

They leave the gym without any incidents. Dallas Kent didn’t seem too keen on chatting with them as they flew out, not that they really gave him the chance.

“There isn’t a team meeting,” Stephen says as they walk. “Sorry.” 

“I know, Aleks,” Shane says, smiling a little. “Good thinking.”

They walk in easy silence towards the hotel lobby. “I know Ilya put you all up to this, too,” Shane eventually says. “I appreciate it. You trying to look out for me, I mean.” 

Stephen nods. “Of course,” he says. Then, after a moment, he muses: “Maybe I should ask captain-in-law about being bisexual.” 

“He’d love that,” Shane says. “Believe me.”

23 comments

SUBJECT: i lost my alt redit

From: Stephen Aleksiev saleks@hotmales.com

To: Thomas Huang thuangPR@voyageurs.ca.qc

Sep 13, 2020 1:34 PM

Hi tomas i lost my alt redit account becuz i asked if it was ok to merder my teemates. Am i in truble

Love Stephen

RE: i lost my alt redit

From: Thomas Huang thuangPR@voyageurs.ca.qc

To: Stephen Aleksiev saleks@hotmales.com

Sep 13, 2020 1:40 PM

Okay, Stephen. Maybe you should take a break from social media. Focus on playing, please.

Please do not post anything else until you come back to Montreal and we can talk about our social media use policy. Also, please do not threaten to murder anyone. This means verbal threats, too. 

Regards,

Thomas Huang

PR Team, Montreal Voyageurs

(514) xxx-xxxx ext. xx

1909 Av. des Voyageurs-de-Montréal, Montréal, QC H3B 2S2

Go habs go!

Stephen successfully crochets a scarf for Luca for his birthday. It’s a dark red colour that Stephen thinks looks really nice on Luca and made of a blend of wool and baby alpaca. The nice folks on r/Crochet suggested the yarn and promised Stephen it would be nice and warm. 

It turns out crooked and wonky in an unexpected way. It looks a bit more like the shape of California than a regular rectangular scarf. Under normal circumstances, Stephen would try again, but unfortunately, he finishes it too close to Luca’s actual birthday to be able to do so. Luca will have to be alright with the bubbling, crooked edges and occasional hole where Stephen’s tension went too loose. 

There’s another problem: in Stephen’s effort to finish the scarf, he kind of forgot to plan anything else for the two of them to do when Luca visits Stephen in Montreal again (Stephen has offered several times to go to Ottawa, but Luca has told him each time that Ottawa is ‘so boring’ and that Montreal has way more to look at. Stephen doesn't believe him because Ottawa has Luca Haas, and that's something very worthwhile and interesting to look at) which is a huge problem because Luca’s leaving Ottawa in a few hours. 

This is an emergency. Google isn't being very helpful. Reddit won’t deliver the answers quickly enough. No, this time, Stephen needs to take out the big guns.

He calls Ilya. 

Ilya does not pick up the phone.

He calls again, and again, and again, and again. Stephen could probably recite Ilya’s voicemail greeting from memory by now. After 10 minutes of calling, Ilya finally picks up.

“Are you dying?” Ilya asks.

“No, but–” Stephen begins, and is cut off by Ilya hanging up.

Pls dont ignoor me am havinfg a Luca emerjensee Stephen texts Ilya. 

Ilya calls him. Success! 

“Tell me,” Ilya demands. There is a rustling sound on the phone as Ilya explains “this better be a real emergency. You just interrupted me having beautiful, incredibly hot sex with my husband.”

“Ilya,” Stephen hears his captain chastise in the background, slightly muffled due to his distance from the phone. 

“It's 9 in the morning,” Stephen says faintly. 

“Yes,” Ilya says simply. “Tell me your boy emergency.”

“Luca is coming to my apartment today. He's gonna be here in like four hours,” Stephen whines. “What do I do?”

Ilya is quiet for a moment. “You do what you always do,” he says carefully and patiently, like he is explaining boundaries to an elementary school student, or like when Shane is really tired after a game and still has to explain what went wrong to a journalist (“the puck didn't go into the net. Obviously, next time we want to make sure it goes in.”) despite his visible exhaustion and frustration.

“Do your arts and crafts together, eat his ass, cook that lentil soup he likes, and refuse to define your relationship for some reason,” Ilya continues. Stephen can hear an audible light slapping sound followed by a quick and snippy “Ilya, come on,” from Shane. Ilya giggles in response. “It is simple. I promise it works,” Ilya adds, seemingly unfazed. 

“He likes my lentil soup?” Stephen asks with wonder in his voice. They didn't eat it together, but when Luca last came to visit Stephen in Montreal, Stephen sent him home with a Tupperware container of lentil soup he meal-prepped for the week. Luca told him it was delicious, but Stephen half assumed that he was saying that just to be nice. “He told you?”

“Go make the fucking soup, Aleks. You have four hours.” 

November brings a solid blanket of snow with it, crushing all plans of park picnics and outdoor gatherings that have kept everyone sane over the course of the spring and summer. Only a brave few continue to persevere in the -10 degree chill, intent on soaking up as much socialization and vitamin D and humanly possible despite the circumstances. It's Montreal, after all. Life does not stop because of the snow and ice and dangerous, frostbite-inducing conditions. Bouchard rode his bike here and only slipped on the icy bike lanes twice in the process of traveling from Westmount to Parc la Fontaine. 

“It isn't even that cold,” Olsson argues. “We skate on ice for a living. We can handle some effing snow.”

“We are always moving on the ice,” JJ Boiziau quips back. “That's very different than sitting still in a fucking snowbank.” Despite his protests, Boiziau is comfortably seated in a snowbank, which he, Stephen, and Bouchard painstakingly fashioned into a chair-like shape. 

“Yo, where the fuck is Mitty?” Renaud asks. “He said he'd be here 20 minutes ago.” Renaud grabs his phone out of his pocket, probably to check the group chat. They used the main group chat, the one that Stephen is privy to, in the process of organizing this little gathering. Stephen has heard that JJ was kicked out of the other group chat recently. That makes a total of five Voyageurs not in the second group chat: Stephen (never added, likely forgotten), Shane (purposefully not added because the chat is about him), Hayden Pike (kicked out months ago for fighting the entire group chat), Laine (kicked out a few weeks ago for sending too much “weird ass Dr Seuss bullshit” according to Comeau), and JJ Boiziau (kicked out recently for reasons unknown). 

Olsson also checks his phone and almost immediately scoffs out loud.

“What is it this time?” Renaud asks. “Mitty's lost, by the way. His usual route's detoured.”

Olsson shakes his head. “Cap’s posting his boy on Instagram again,” he says with a smidgen of venom in his voice. “Fuck, we all have a fuckin’ gag order against talking about it, but it's perfectly fine for Cap to post closeups of his weird dog smiling with heart emojis in the caption?”

“They're married,” JJ says firmly. “And the ‘gag order’ is to stop some people on the team from spewing homophobic trash in front of fans and media.”

“Well,” Renaud says casually. “It's probably also because management is embarrassed that Hollzy’s fucking a rival captain.”

“I just wish he’d move to that team and leave us alone forever,” Olsson says. “No more drama. I'm sick of it.”

“Hey,” JJ says. “Don't say that. Shane’s a great capitaine. There’s only drama because you all keep starting it.”

“I agree,” Stephen says out loud. “I don't want Captain to leave us.” 

Bouchard, who up until this moment was quietly and methodically making snow angels next to his teammates, takes this moment to finally sit up. “You don't think Hollander would choose to leave, right?” 

JJ shakes his head. “I don't think so. Capitaine bleeds blue and red.”

“We all bleed red,” Bouchard says sagely.

Renaud shakes his head. “He means like Voyageurs red. It's a saying.” 

At this moment, Mitty finally arrives at the park, lugging a massive Rue Barrée sign through the snow. “Hey guys!” he calls out as he approaches. The sound the metal sign makes as it scrapes against the ice gives Stephen unwelcomed goosebumps. “I thought we could use this to go sledding.”

“Did you just steal that?” Olsson asks, incredulous.

“It was in my way,” Mitty responds.

(Later, Mitty sustains a minor injury from attempting to sled using a stolen Rue Barrée sign. He predictably bleeds red, but not Voyageurs red. The shade is a bit off. Captain would probably bleed the right shade, Stephen thinks).

Chapter End Notes

Yes Stephen ace spectrum and he is also a #giver

The most humiliating part of writing Aleksiev is that sometimes I make my own typos accidentally and I have to go back and fix them because they're just Too Much

You may be thinking "wow, there are a lot of specific things about Montreal in 2020! Are these bits?" And the answer is no I just lived in Montreal in the first half of 2020

During the first lockdowns, I used to hop on a bus daily to go across the city and catsit for some folks who were stuck outside of the country. That bus + second cup coffee (gross coffee btw) combo kept me sane. Thankfully between March and Julyish the buses were free because the payment machines were blocked for safety reasons. Ironically the literal day I was moving out of the city, I hopped on a bus to go to a rental car place, and the driver alerted me that as of THAT DAY payment was mandatory again......I had to beg because I didn't have money on my OPUS card anymore. Keep in mind that my French is HORRENDOUS so that's an added embarrassment

Chapter 3: 2021: I don't feel like the future of the Voyageurs

Chapter Notes

Y'all ever love your stupid oc so much that you expand his importance in-universe far beyond your original scope solely because this is your circus and this is your favourite little monkey

this chapter covers chapter 7 of Operation O Canada!

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Coach Theriault keeps chanting under his breath. “Oh fuck, oh god.” 

The season begins January 13th. Practice is back to full-swing, or at least, as full-swing as it can be under the current constraints decreed by the combined forces of the Quebec government and the MLH, then enforced by their designated Covid Tzar, a position that exists entirely to manage the various and rapidly-changing ins and outs of public health and safety guidelines the organization must follow. 

Shane Hollander is not known for skipping optional practices. Today he is nowhere to be seen. It’s shocking for everyone.

His absence is concerningly noticeable. Stephen isn’t sure if this is a function of the team being separated and unable to practice properly for too long, or if Shane’s presence really does keep the whole operation together. Somehow, this feels like an entirely different team than the one that made their way to the Conference Finals portion of the playoffs in Edmonton last year. 

Stephen watches as Comeau attempts to pass to Pike. The puck whips towards the other man but misses him by a solid two meters. Stephen’s gotten really good at estimating 2 meters over the past few months of mandatory social distancing. 2 meters is around 6 feet. Stephen clocks in at 5’11” which means all he needs to do is visualize himself lying down in front of himself, plus one inch, give-or-take. The puck missed Pike’s stick by one approximate stretched-out-on-the-floor Stephen Aleksiev. 

“Fuuuuuuuck,” Theriault groans.

On the bench, JJ Boiziau massages his ankle. “We can do better than that, right, Aleks?” he asks.

“I think so,” Stephen nods. He knows they can. He’s just being demure.

Theriault startles, like he forgot that some of his players were awaiting their turn on the ice. He keeps forgetting that he isn’t alone. Everyone’s slightly out of practice with the whole socialization thing, Stephen thinks. 

After practice, when Stephen slips into Theriault's office (alone, this time. There is now a limit to how many people can safely be inside of the office at the same time. The limit is two people. There's a fresh sign on the door and everything, lovingly designed and laminated by the Voyageurs' own league-assigned Covid Tzar), Theriault is...hyperventilating? The man is gripping his own desk like a lifeline and downright shaking in place. Stephen has never seen the man so pale. Theriault is usually some shade of red. 

"Are you okay, Coach?" Stephen asks. Theriault makes a weird grunting sound, oddly low and high-pitched at the same time, so Stephen takes that as a no. He leans out the door and beckons over Henri, Theriault's administrative assistant and known ally of the effort to support Shane Hollander.

"Coach is having a stroke," Stephen informs Henri, who looks at him in alarm. "Or a heart attack, maybe, I don't know. My first aid certificate is expired." It's also from the United States, and Stephen has no idea if Canada uses the same first aid training protocols. What if they do stuff differently here? Stephen's never asked which song he is supposed to use in Canada if he needs to time his chest compressions. He was taught to use Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees. What if they use a Drake song over here? Should he be prepared to compress his coach’s sternum to the beat of Hotline Bling? 

Stephen kind of wishes someone prepared him for stuff like this when he was traded. 

"Shit, should I get our Covid guy, or something? The AED? Shit, fuck," Henri frets. 

Behind them, Theriault rips his mask under his chin. "I'm fine," he chokes out. "I'm not having a fuckin' stroke or heart attack, fuck, I'm..." he shakes his head. "I'm fine. What the fuck do you want, Aleksiev?"

This is a somewhat recent thing: Theriault used to call Stephen "Aleks" like everyone else does. He's switched to Stephen's full name. He doesn't know what that means, in the context of well...everything, really. 

"Are you okay?" Stephen asks instead. 

"Fine," Theriault responds tersely. "Peachy." 

Then, something unexpected happens: Theriault asks Stephen for his opinion. 

"Today's practice," Theriault says, quietly and like he is testing the words in his mouth. "How...did you feel about it?"

Today's practice, honestly, was a shit show. It's been a while since the team has been able to play together, and the Shane Hollander-shaped hole was almost impossible to ignore. There have been very few times that Shane was not present for a practice or a game in Stephen's entire career as a Voyageur. Usually, the team is able to pull it together long enough that it's only slightly noticeable that their star center and captain is missing. Today, there was nothing of the sort. It felt kind of embarrassing to play with some of the team today, in Stephen's opinion. 

There were like eighteen separate arguments that happened on the ice. Pike started about half of them. Stephen tried his best to deescalate where he could ("tried" is a load-bearing word here). He was not very successful.

"Not good," Stephen says truthfully. "There were some problems that did not need to happen."

Theriault huffs. "Yeah," he agrees, a frustrated tone in his voice. 

They stand in silence for a moment. 

Strangely, Theriault breaks the ice again. "I know you're here to tell me about how the team needs Hollander," he says quietly. "As per usual." Stephen nods, careful but silently pleased that Theriault is so accustomed to their song and dance. "You don't need to tell me, Aleksiev. I know," Theriault sighs. 

Interesting.

"Then why..." Stephen begins, slow and drawn out. 

"I don't fucking know, at this point," Theriault grumbles. "I don't fucking know. Thanks for...trying, I guess. I appreciate that about you. You push forward." Stephen faintly wonders if Theriault has a fever or some other kind of sudden onset illness that is impacting his mental facilities. Should he go grab the Covid Tzar? They should still be here for another hour or so. He's pretty sure there are a few temperature reading guns hanging around the rink if they need. Maybe there’s a first aid kit somewhere. "We need people like you to lead teams like this," Theriault continues, slightly stilted in a way that sounds like he's being careful with his words. "People with fuckin'...gumption and dedication. A sense of justice. A good sense of what makes good hockey." This is getting really, really weird, Stephen thinks. Stephen isn't leading anything. Shane's their captain. They have two alternate captains who are more than capable at their jobs. All three of them are solidly dedicated to the Voyageurs and have many years of hockey ahead of them. Stephen's just an enthusiastic guy on the team. Theriault is talking to him like he could be something more than that, potentially very soon. 

"Are you sure you aren't having a stroke?" he finds himself asking. 

"I wish," Theriault says. 

[REMINDER] WARNING - Your Photos and Videos May be Deleted - take action

To: Stephen Aleksiev saleks@hotmales.com

From: iCloud Team icloudteam@appIe.cum

January 9, 2021 4:21 PM

Dear Stephen Aleksiev

Your iCloud storage is full. You have exceeded your storage plan. This means that photos, documents, contacts, and phone data are no longer being backed up on iCloud. 

To keep using iCloud services, you must upgrade your iCloud storage plan or reduce the amount of storage you are using. 

Special offer: upgrade your plan to 1TB per month for an additional 0.99 

Sincerely,

The iCloud team

RE: [REMINDER] WARNING - Your Photos and Videos May be Deleted - take action

To: iCloud Team icloudteam@appIe.cum

From: Stephen Aleksiev saleks@hotmales.com

January 9, 2021 5:10 PM

Hai i don t use icloid so their is no way my storahgg is full

I thinknj you sent this to yhte  rong person

Love stephen 

RE: RE: [REMINDER] WARNING - Your Photos and Videos May be Deleted - take action

To: Stephen Aleksiev saleks@hotmales.com

From: iCloud Team icloudteam@appIe.cum

January 9, 2021 5:15 PM

Dear Stephen Aleksiev,

Our records indicate that your iCloud storage is full. 

Your Apple account automatically backs up your phone data to your iCloud account. 

It is vital that you upgrade your storage to prevent future problems with your account.

Special offer: upgrade your plan to 1TB per month for an additional 0.99 

Sincerely,

The iCloud team

RE: RE: RE: [REMINDER] WARNING - Your Photos and Videos May be Deleted - take action

To: iCloud Team icloudteam@appIe.cum

From: Stephen Aleksiev saleks@hotmales.com

January 9, 2021 5:42 PM

No thanks you

Love stephen 

Sponsorship Opportunity 

To: Stephen Aleksiev saleks@hotmales.com

From: Marketing Team marketing@reebook.ca.sports

January 10, 2021 10:12 AM

Dear Stephen Aleksiev,

We are impressed by your track record as an athlete and think you would be the perfect fit for our upcoming campaign.

You can view the details here. 

Please fill out the form if you are interested.

Regards,

Reebok Marketing

RE: Sponsorship Opportunity 

To: Marketing Team marketing@reebook.ca.sports

From: Stephen Aleksiev saleks@hotmales.com

January 10, 2021 2:54 PM

Hii i shohwed this to my agent and she said it looked suspishos sorry bye

Pls dont emale me agen

Love stephen 

[IMPORTANT] I Need Your Help

To: Stephen Aleksiev saleks@hotmales.com

From: Roger Crowell rogercromwell@mhl.co.edu.gov.real.notscam

January 10, 2021 7:37 PM

Dear Player,

Hello, this is Roger Cromwell from Major League Hockey. I am contacting you because I have identified you as a trustworthy player far above other players. I am in need of immediate assistance. While traveling abroad, I was robbed and my identity was stolen by those who wish to see the end of hockey. As a result, all of my bank accounts have been frozen. I am unable to get back home to united states to manage the hockey business without money. 

I need you to transfer a loan of only 1,000 dollars to me via Western Union. I will return the money as soon as I return home and can unfreeze my accounts. You will be repaid tenfold and receive the MVP award at the end of the season. 

Please click here to help me

Without your help, hockey may stop forever. Please assist me in getting home. Your help will be forever appreciated.

Thank you,

Roger Cromwell 

RE: [IMPORTANT] I Need Your Help 

To: Roger Crowell rogercromwell@mhl.co.edu.gov.real.notscam

From: Stephen Aleksiev saleks@hotmales.com

January 10, 2021 11:09 PM

No

Love stephen 

Calling Luca helps.

Luca is kind enough to not gloat about having Shane Hollander on his team. 

EXCLUSIVE interview with Stephen Aleksiev as Montreal RIOTS amid unpopular Hollander trade!

By Jean Paul Beaudry

Posted February 9, 2021

We recently had the opportunity to have an exclusive interview with Montreal’s freshest star Stephen Aleksiev in a shocking place…in the middle of riots in response to the unpopular and now-infamous trade of former captain Shane Hollander.

Aleksiev arrived at the scene early in the morning and inquired about the purpose of the gathering. In response to learning about the planned protest, Aleksiev stated: “All of these people are out here to support Captain? That’s so nice. I’m happy fans care about him so much. He really deserves all of the love.”

“I’m not supposed to talk about this, I think,” Aleksiev continued. “But I understand that fans are very upset right now. I’m upset too. I’d join if I didn’t have mandatory practice.”

When asked about potentially staging a walkout of the practice or other strike actions against the organization, Aleksiev stated: “I don’t want to walk out of practice. Captain JJ is trying his best and I don’t want to disappoint him. It might make him sad if I leave. If you guys are still rioting later today I’ll come join.”

Aleksiev stayed true to his words. After finishing his mandatory practice, Aleksiev joined the angry mob and agreed to continue his interview. Unfortunately, Aleksiev missed the planned “funeral” for the Montreal Voyageurs organization, which involved a real casket with the Voyageurs logo painted on it and an imitation funeral service. 

Aleksiev declined to comment on the funeral. 

When asked about the reasoning behind the Hollander trade, Aleksiev had the following words: “I don’t really understand what anyone was thinking. He really loved being captain of the Voyageurs. Now Captain is with some really nice people, like Captain Ilya and Luca, so that makes me feel better about everything, kind of.” 

When asked about the overall reaction the Voyageurs are having to the sudden, rapid changes to the team, Aleksiev stated: “It’s a little hard, but like I said earlier today, Captain JJ is trying his best. He’s a good guy. Some of the team ar–hey, why is that guy flipping a car over? Should that trash can be on fire?” 

Aleksiev declined to comment on our additional questions regarding locker room culture, rumours surrounding Hollander’s trade, and grievances towards Voyageurs management, and instead asked to discuss the riots. 

“Oh, haha, that big doll thing that guy over there says ‘Theriault’ on it. That’s my coach’s name. That’s funny. Oh, it’s on purpose? I wonder if he’d like that. Oh, oh, wait, are they setting it on fire? Oh, why would they do that?” 

“I don’t know if Shane would like all of this,” Aleksiev stated, gesturing towards the burning effigy of longtime Coach Alexis Theriault. “It seems very dramatic. He’s more of a low-key kind of guy.” 

We reached out to Alexis Theriault and Shane Hollander for comments and did not receive any responses.

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The first time Stephen sees Shane after the trade is on the ice, which isn't really a surprise. Ice is Shane’s natural habitat. There are rumours in the MLH that Shane Hollander was born on the ice. Stephen never asked Shane about the validity of this rumour because it sounds awfully personal. If his poor mother had to give birth on such a hard, unforgiving, frozen surface, Stephen would probably not be keen on talking about it. 

Shane looks different. He looks taller, somehow, or maybe he’s standing slightly straighter. There used to be some bags under his eyes that seemed permanent, and suddenly they are nowhere to be found. The jersey, with its heinous horse-man logo, is awful to look at... but somehow Shane makes it work. He and Luca both make it work far better than should be reasonably allowed, like, it’s honestly a little unfair. Ilya makes it work too...kinda. 

Shane is also surrounded by a bunch of his teammates who are carrying hockey sticks that look…weird. And pointy?

“Is that even legal?” Hayden Pike asks, loud enough to carry over the ice and be heard by both the Centaurs and hopefully, the referees. 

“I do not think there is anything in MLH rulebook about hockey shivs,” Ilya shrugs before skating off. Stephen’s pretty sure Ilya’s stick looks normal. 

Before Stephen has the time to figure out what on earth a hockey shiv is, Luca slides gracefully towards him. His stick is weird and pointy, like someone just took a pocket knife to it and carved one end like they were sharpening a pencil. 

“Hi,” he says. He usually smiles when he says hi, but today he looks…a little worried. 

“Hi,” Stephen responds, and he can’t really help the smile that splits his face. 

“Listen,” Luca says with a shyness Stephen does not often see from him. “I am sorry for what is about to happen.”

What? “What?” Stephen asks. 

“Uhm,” Luca fiddles with his glove a bit. “I think…I think my team is going to try to kill your team?”

Oh, Stephen’s been down this road before. “I’ve thought about killing my team before, but then I got my alt account banned on Reddit,” he says. “So make sure you’re careful.”

“What?” it is Luca’s turn to ask. “No, I mean,” he continues. “Like they’re going to hurt your team, like, on purpose. Maybe not murder. I think?” He looks a little concerned for a moment before shaking it off. “I don’t think any of them are going to target you. I asked them to be nice to you, and Shane and Ilya backed me up on it.” 

Luca is so thoughtful. Wow. 

“Thanks Luca,” Stephen breathes out. It comes out in a whoosh, with a widening smile to match. Stephen’s eyes crinkle a little, which makes his vision of Luca go a little blurry. That won’t do; he would prefer to have a clear image of Luca in front of him, so he forces his smile down a little. “You’re the best. Should I try to kill my team too?”

Luca blinks and fixes him with a look that screams what the absolute fuck. “What?” he asks. 

“Should I try to kill my team too?” Stephen repeats. 

“No, Sonnenschein,” Luca says. “Just play the game.”

“Okay, whatever you say,” Stephen says. He means that shit. 

“Can I see you tonight?” Luca asks, which is silly, because they always hang out after they play against each other. Stephen cleaned his apartment up and everything. The refrigerator is stocked with chicken, rice with black beans, and some sweet plantains Stephen prepped earlier in the day, just waiting to be reheated. Stephen has no clue if Luca likes plantains, but he might as well give it a shot now that he’s finally learned how to cook them properly. Luca usually likes the food he makes.

“Stop fucking flirting and warm up,” Ilya calls out, rapidly approaching Luca. 

“Pot, meet kettle,” Boodram yells out. 

Behind Stephen, Mitty barks out a sharp laugh. Poor Mitty does not know what is coming for him tonight. 

The Voyageurs find themselves, as they often do, at a bar. Usually the energy is electric, buzzing through everyone's veins after a hard-earned win (or difficult loss, but more often, a hard-earned win). Even nights where they've faced a loss is usually punctuated with some sense of celebration-- a what-the-hell-we'll-get-'em-next-time type of energy once the guys have a drink or two settled in their stomachs. 

Tonight is different. The air that is usually full of energy is undeniably dour. It's heavy, somehow, like the air weighs slightly more tonight and is trying its hardest to choke them. Somehow, the lights in the bright, warm sports bar seem darker than usual. Stephen assumed it was a natural response to the sheer depressed energy the team was bringing to the space, but on further reflection, he realizes it's because one of the overhead lights is burnt out. 

It's fitting, having one of the lights snuffed out tonight of all nights. Stephen feels kinship with that light. 

The Montreal Voyageurs just played against the Ottawa Centaurs. For the second time in, well, the entire history of the planet, Shane Hollander was playing against the Montreal Voyageurs as an Ottawa Centaur. This is something not even the dinosaurs could have imagined happening. The ancient bacteria that once graced the Earth 4 billion years ago could have never predicted such a cataclysmic event. Shane Hollander, whose face still graces a few stray posters scattered throughout the Bell Centre (set to be taken down, but no one seems too eager to be the one to complete that task. Emile from the Voyageurs janitorial staff, one of Stephen's new friends, told him that the staff have received several pleading emails to complete the project, but no one wants to be the person who scrubbed the facility clean of Shane Hollander's ghost), whose name is on the back of about 40% of the Voyageurs jerseys scattered throughout the audience during tonight's game, the subject of a petition rocketing through the island of Montreal that calls for his immediate return back to the captaincy of the Voyageurs, donned his new jersey and then he beat the everloving shit out of his old team. 

For the second time. 

The Voyageurs are taking the loss hard. 

Also, Stephen and Luca can’t see each other tonight. Luca has the stomach flu and insists that Stephen stays far away for his health. 

A single tear drips into Stephen's beer. He didn't realize the tear had formed. After that, staring down into the amber glass now seasoned with a singular teardrop, Stephen feels his eyes flood. 

"Shit," he says to no one in particular. "I am so sad." 

Beside him, Laine heaves a deep sigh before placing a gentle hand on Stephen's back.

"Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December; And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor. Eagerly wished the morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow. From my books surcease of sorrow—sorrow for the lost Lenore—For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore—Nameless here for evermore," he recites softly, the cadence in his voice somewhat soothing. It doesn't really help. A few more tears drop into Stephen's drink. 

"I don't know what any of that means," Stephen whines. 

"Just feel it," Laine implores Stephen. "It's Poe," he adds, like that's something that will explain anything to Stephen. Stephen tactfully ignores the way Laine’s voice is starting to wobble, like he too is beginning to cry. 

"I don't know what poe is," Stephen chokes out. "I miss captain." Shane probably knows what poe is, Stephen thinks. He knows a lot of things. Stephen's nose is running. He noisily attempts to breathe the snot back in, but he knows it's useless. The snot is running down his lips.  

JJ Boiziau silently slides a few napkins over. "You and me both, ami," he says. Stephen takes a moment to wipe the mucus and tears off of his face with the scratchy napkins, which is slightly harder to do than it normally would be due to his shaking hands.

"We are so fucked," Comeau huffs, leaning back into his chair. He tips his head directly towards the burnt-out ceiling light and stares hard into it like maybe it can help him, somehow. Beside him, Renaud and Koch lift their glasses in silent agreement. Bouchard doesn’t raise his glass, but he does let out a loud, obnoxious sniffle. 

Drapeau is facedown on the table, head buried in his arms. No one has bothered to check if the man is alive. It's fine, probably. He slammed back a downright unsettling quantity of cheap whisky almost as soon as the team sat down, so him being unconscious isn't exactly unexpected.

"I don't want to hear it from you," JJ sneers, shaking his head. "You're one of the reasons we're fucked." 

Comeau just grunts and slams back his beer. Some of it misses his mouth, dribbling down the side of his face and splattering a bit on his t-shirt. There are no more napkins so Comeau has to wipe his face with the bottom of his t-shirt, further soiling the cotton.

"If all of you were normal and didn't spend every waking moment trying to fuck up Shane's life, maybe Coach wouldn't have handed him over to the Centaurs on a silver fucking platter," JJ presses onwards. 

"Not to mention the anonymous complaints and interviews," Mitty chimes in. 

"You complained too," Comeau snaps. “Don’t act like you weren’t part of it.”

"Once," Mitty says, putting his hands up in a surrendering motion. "And it was only because Shane's husband elbowed me so hard I almost puked. I was..." he takes a moment to consider his next words. "Emotionally compromised." 

"That's a big word for Elmo," Comeau sneers. 

For some reason, this makes Stephen's cry ramp up into a wail. 

"Shane was so nice to everyone," he chokes out between massive, gulping breaths. "Why do you guys hate him so much?" 

"Come on, Ami," JJ suddenly says, standing up from his seat and wrapping a strong arm around Stephen. Laine, on Stephen's over side, grabs on to one of his arms. Together, his new captain and his friend lift him out of the chair. "Let's get you out of here," JJ whispers softly. 

"Stop fucking recording," Laine snaps towards a person, Stephen presumes. His head is down, so he can't see. Maybe the whole bar is watching him, who knows. He doesn't really want to lift up his eyes to see for himself. Bouchard sniffles again, even louder this time. Comeau knocks back more beer. 

Stephen does not remember the rest of the evening. 

When Stephen arrives for practice, the locker room is embroiled in a tense conversation. Conversation is a strong word for it, actually-- JJ has the room's attention and appears to be scolding the team for...something. Stephen has no idea what they've done wrong this time. They've been doing a lot of things wrong lately. Actually, they've been doing things wrong since well before Stephen was hand-plucked from the New York Admirals and shipped off to the Voyageurs.

It's kind of rude for them to start the all-team scolding without Stephen, but oh well. He is used to it. He's been left out of a few things, like that old group chat that used to exist when Shane was still captain and the team apparently needed a private space to discuss things without Shane being privy to it-- which meant that folks like Pike, Boiziau, Laine, and Stephen himself were either removed purposefully or left out to begin with. 

"No one effing say anything," Boiziau says to the room. A few guys nod in serious, quiet agreement. Drapeau rolls his eyes, but that's unsurprising given he does that a lot. "We can't do it all again. We can't afford it," Boiziau continues. 

"Do what?" Stephen asks from the doorway. "Am I late?"

The team visibly startles. 

"No, you're not late," Pike quickly says. "Don't worry about it."

"What happened?" Stephen asks. There's a plethora of things this could be about. It could be about some of the team's most recent social media posts which are now under close scrutiny as fans try to decipher which ones are mostly meaningless and which ones are thinly-veiled commentary on everything that is happening with the trade. It could be about the fact that the people of Montreal cannot stop joking about how their team is a clown show, which is fitting considering Montreal is home to the headquarters of Cirque du Soleil, the National Clown School, and an annual clown festival. This was all recently made slightly worse by the fact that an old photograph of Bouchard riding a unicycle was dragged up from the depths of hell (MySpace via the Wayback Machine) and shared widely-- which, all things considered, a unicycle is kind of a normal mode of transportation in Montreal and not usually something to be remarked upon, but the timing puts it into a new context. The meeting could be about the fact that Koch just got a big talking-to from PR after he accidentally sent a dick pic to Adelia Moore via Twitter DMs, who in response wrote a scathing profile of him that highlighted some of his worst MLH performances and included commentary from his high school ex-girlfriend who clearly still holds a grudge. It was very well-written. Adelia didn't even bring up the dick pic. 

It could be about Stephen, somehow. Maybe that's why they started without him and stopped dead in their tracks when he made his presence known. He racks his brain to figure out what could be raising alarm bells within the Montreal Voyageurs locker room and finds that it could honestly be anything. Maybe someone is mad that he told Reddit that the team is homophobic? Maybe they're upset that Stephen keeps talking to the media (completely by accident by the way [kind of...okay, okay, he meant some of those statements, sure, but the "anonymous" statement he made about how Shane suffered more than Jesus that Monica Kim took out of context was not on purpose. Stephen didn't know what Monica looks like, so how could he have known she's Jean Paul Beaudry's underling? Granted, he should probably stop telling complete strangers with miniature microphones that Shane Hollander was tortured under the Voyageurs]). Or maybe it's because Stephen was recently photographed wearing one of the BON VOYAGE, VOYAGEURS t-shirts depicting the Bell Centre on fire that has been sweeping the streets of Montreal the same way St-Viateur bagel tote bags and shockingly tiny knit toques are omnipresent on the streets. 

"Normal stuff," Bouchard chimes in. "That we can't talk about. With anyone."

"That's not what I meant," JJ sighs. "Come on, guys, this shouldn't be that hard. Don't fuck it up immediately, please."

"Yeah," Pike sneers. "It's easy. Just look at what Comeau, Drapeau, Olsson, and Couillard have done since like 2018, and then do the opposite." The aforementioned team members let loose a few offended Hey!s.

That kind of narrows it down a bit. This all looks suspiciously Shane Hollander-shaped. The only thing the team is not allowed to talk about is Shane Hollander (and the time Theriault stripped naked at a holiday party, which Stephen wasn't there to see but learned about from Hayden Pike, who doesn't give a shit about any of the Voyageurs' rules regarding privacy). And given that those four were brought up specifically as "bad examples," well...Stephen can make some inferences. 

"Is this about how we aren't allowed to talk about Shane?" Stephen asks directly. It's kind of mean, he knows, to bring it up and out into the open. It's a sore spot for the team that he is prodding and poking at, and he tries his hardest not to be outwardly salty about it. Sometimes it's simply hard for him to do. Right now is one of those instances. "Or is this about me?"

Simultaneously, a few guys on the team yell out vehement denials while others say yes. It's not reassuring at all. Pike slams a palm to his face in frustration.

"So...?" Stephen continues.

"Fuck this," Laine says resolutely, standing up slowly and turning slightly to face Stephen. "Aleks, we just had a team meeting about how to be normal about your relationship so we don't fuck everything up like we did with Hollzy."

There is a great, big tumult of activity as the team divides into several categories of reaction: some scream in various levels of anguish, others remain silent and decide to stare at the floor or walls rather than look at Stephen, and others just make resigned facial expressions that scream wow, I want to go home. Renaud tries to climb over his teammates to reach Laine and slap a palm across his mouth, but he is too late. The damage is done. Hayden Pike snorts behind his palm, but stifles anything resembling laughter after JJ shoots him a withering look.

"But I am not dating Luca," Stephen says seriously. Then, before he forgets: "Thanks for telling me. You're a good friend." It's important to appreciate your friends publicly.

"Notice how no one said his name, and yet he knew immediately," Renaud whispers, slightly too loud. Taylor elbows him hard in the side. "Ow, what the fuck, dude," Renaud complains, rubbing at the space below his ribs. 

Couillard hands Bouchard a 10 dollar bill. It's a crisp, newer one featuring Viola Desmond instead of John A. Macdonald. Berkovic grabs at it to inspect it before muttering something about Monopoly money.

This team is so fucking weird. It really is. Stephen's never been on a team like this. He's been on this team for years at this point and it's still baffling.

"Is it normal to have meetings about how to be normal?" he wonders aloud. He thinks back to a few instances where Shane himself asked similar questions of the team. 

"That's what I'm wondering," Berkovic says casually, still holding on to the 10 dollar bill.

When Berkovic first arrived, Stephen really wanted to hate him. Berkovic took Shane's place, after all, and he has the audacity to not even be that great at hockey. The trade put a bitter taste in Stephen's mouth-- The Shane Hollander, greatest player of his generation, potentially of multiple generations, swapped out for a singular, kind-of-whatever player. The Voyageurs didn't even try to get anything else out of the trade, like another guy, or maybe the promise of a solid draft pick in the next coming years, or literally anything else they could have squeezed out of Buffalo and Ottawa. It just went to show how little the organization thought of their former captain. It stung in a way that made Stephen selfishly want to take out some of his frustration on the new guy, known nepokid nephew of their GM, to look at him and say "you don't deserve to fill his place," and yet...

Berky's cool. Yeah, he isn't Shane fucking Hollander, but he's a decent player and a really decent guy. He brought the team cookies (homemade chocolate chip cookies!) on his second day, and Stephen could not stop himself from bonding over their shared interest in the culinary arts. Since then, he's been to Berky's place to play Wii sports on Berky's old console that he refuses to give up on. They've bonded over their mutual bafflement over how the team operates and all of the needless, strange drama complete with incoherent lore that neither of them are fully versed on due to their newness to the team. It's been nice to have another friend here in Montreal besides Laine. It's not that the other guys on the team aren't cool and all, but Stephen would rather not go to Comeau's place and play Wii Bowling with him, you know? 

JJ leans the back of his head against the wall with a defeated thud. "Tabarnak," he says softly yet with feeling.

"You're really not dating Haas?" Laine asks. "Sorry for assuming, I just thought--" 

Berkovic rolls his eyes. "They're dating," he says, confidently and incorrectly. It's one of his only flaws, really– He has a habit of hearing what Stephen says and somehow the words get jumbled up in his head and come out meaning something completely different. Berky knows Stephen and Luca aren't dating. They've talked about it for a total of like five hours. He's listened to Stephen and Luca send each other voice notes. He should know better!

"I don't think so," Stephen shrugs. It comes out slightly less confidently than he intended. Whoops.

Listen. He's planning to talk to Luca, he promises. He's just kind of nervous. What if he asks and Luca gets weird about it? What if he pulls back and the shape of their friendship changes for the worse? What if he spits out a disgusted no and unzips his skin and underneath it all is actually Coach Theriault?

Stephen's had some vivid nightmares recently. Actually, in the nightmare he is thinking about right now, Luca-slash-Coach said nein instead of no, which didn't even make sense because Luca barely ever speaks German with Stephen outside of a few specific words he promises are "like nicknames": Sonnenschein, Schatz, and Engel. He never says nein. He also never unzips his skin to reveal himself as Stephen's coach nor does he ever look at Stephen with unconcealed disgust, so...it was not exactly a dream based in reality. 

"Dude," Berkovic rolls his eyes. "You are."

"Maybe?" Stephen says. It's the truth. Maybe. 

"I've seen this all before," Hayden says ominously. 

"A little different this time," JJ says. "We're not asking him to bring someone named something like Ottawa Lucy to a party." See? There's that baffling strangeness Stephen still can't get over. What does that even mean? He looks over to Berky, who looks just as lost and confused. They both lift up their shoulders in miniscule shrugs. 

"Can we just start practice already?" Drapeau groans. 

Stephen asks if Luca wants to be his boyfriend one evening over Zoom. He didn't plan on it, but tonight Luca looks really nice, like really nice. He's got a new lamp that throws light in a very pleasant way. He ruffled his hair with his hand, revealing a stack of Stephen's handmade bracelets in the process, and the words suddenly fell out of Stephen's mouth like projectile vomit. 

Luca said (and Stephen will never forget the exact phrasing):

"What? Yeah, I mean...what? I'm sorry, I just, I think I thought we've been dating for months. Have we? Maybe we haven't. Wow...uhm, yes. I'd like to date? You? Yeah? Sorry, I've never done this before."

So that was that. Their relationship has a shiny, new, confirmed label: boyfriends. 

Later, once they've hung up the call in hopes of getting some sleep (Stephen hopes Luca managed to fall asleep. He certainly won't be getting a single bit of shut eye tonight. He instead occupies himself with tracing the texture of his ceiling with this eyes and occasionally checking his phone. Around a quarter to three in the morning, Ilya texts him an eyeballs emoji and an emoji featuring two men standing next to each other. Stephen responds with the exclamation marks emoji. Ilya follows up with a thumbs up emoji, and then inexplicably, a blurry photo of his dog Anya falling down the stairs. Stephen responds with a crying emoji. Then, Stephen asks him how he knew. 

Luca told me just now, Ilya writes back. Just now? It's nearly 3am. Luca should be sleeping. 

Stephen should be sleeping.

y is luca awayke? Stephen types. 

Same reason you are, probably, Ilya responds. Oh, oh, that's nice. A small family of butterflies manifest in Stephen's stomach and crawl around his insides. One manages to make its way up to his brain and tells him in a small, whispering voice that Ilya is awake at 3am as well, which is kind of weird. Stephen thanks the butterfly and then thinks wow, I need to go to sleep. I'm hallucinating butterflies.

Wate y are yoi awayke rite nowe? He asks. 

anya puked on the rug and I needed to clean it before shane wakes up, Ilya writes. go to bed aleks. He will still be your boyfriend when you wake up.

Then, several eggplant emojis and a sleeping emoji. Stephen plugs in his phone, sets it to do not disturb, and wishes his butterflies a good night. 

[IMPORTANT] Staff Announcement

From: Mattieu Berkovic mberkovic@voyageurs.ca.qc

To: @Voyageurs All Team

May 5, 2021 2:10 PM

Good afternoon,

I am writing to inform you that Alexis Theriault is no longer part of the Montreal Voyageurs Organization effective immediately.

Assistant Coach Dominic Desjardins will take over Head Coach duties in the interim. 

Sent from my iPhone

[IMPORTANT] Reminder Regarding “Leaks” and Media Expectations

From: Voyageurs PR relationspubliques@voyageurs.ca

To: @Voyageurs All Team

May 14, 2021 7:14 PM

We are aware of an alleged ongoing situation involving current and former Voyageurs staff.

This is a gentle reminder that you may be contacted by reporters, friends, family members, fellow hockey players, and others. We urge you all to not comment on the situation.

Again: DO NOT COMMENT.

As per usual, we will email you all again with updates as they come.

Regards,
Johanne and Thomas

PR Team, Montreal Voyageurs 

(514) xxx-xxxx ext. xx

1909 Av. des Voyageurs-de-Montréal, Montréal, QC H3B 2S2

The media attention is beginning to feel downright stifling. Since leaked audio hit the desks of sports news reporters everywhere, showcasing the inner workings of the infamous Hollander trade, well, all eyes are on the Voyageurs. It’s an open secret within the confines of the Montreal Voyageurs organization that the source of the leaked audio is Theriault himself, angered and vengeful. He covered his tracks well enough to avoid being caught, but everyone knows. 

In a strange way, Stephen kind of misses his old coach. He made a habit of going to his office to talk about how much he appreciated Shane, his concerns about the team, and more recently, to talk about how much he appreciated JJ as a captain. It’s important to establish these kinds of things early on. JJ has too much on his shoulders already between the crumbling team, the media, and the angry mob they consider to be fans, although they now have to use the term “fans” somewhat more loosely than most of the team was once comfortable with. “Fans” in this context could be the same people throwing eggs at their cars, which sucks because it’s getting hot in Montreal. Drapeau won’t stop complaining about flecks of semi-cooked egg sticking to the crevices of his car. 

Coach Desjardins avoids meetings as much as possible. 

Luckily for everyone, the Voyageurs’ season is over. They’ll start over fresh next season…hopefully. 

trade

From: Stephen Aleksiev saleks@hotmales.com

To: Mattieu Berkovic mberkovic@voyageurs.ca.qc

Jun 2, 2021 12:52 AM

Hai i want to rekwest a trade if that is at all posible 

I wood really realyn realy like to play on the centars 

If i cant thats ok but i wil be rly sad but its ok becuz i understend that maybee yoi need me on the teem?? Idk 

Pls let me no

Love Stephen

Formal Meeting Request

From: Stephen Aleksiev saleks@hotmales.com

CC: Dominic Desjardins ddesjardins@voyageurs.ca.qc

To: Mattieu Berkovic mberkovic@voyageurs.ca.qc

Jun 2, 2021 9:43 AM

Hello,

Please disregard the previous email. 

Stephen and I would like to meet with the appropriate parties to discuss Stephen’s place on the Montreal Voyageurs team. He is interested in discussing a potential trade opportunity. 

Please let me know when we can meet.

Best regards,

Tatiana Aleksiev and Stephen Aleksiev 

Chapter End Notes

does anyone want a film rec? I watched Hard Truths yesterday and WOW when I tell you the character work in that film is phenomenal...it is PHENOMENAL. I was cracking up. Highly recommended

also yes i know the tweets are weirdly small idk what is going on and i may take a little while before i go back in and try to fix them KJFHAKJSHF

Additional note: really invested in how many of you are just commenting SCORT because it makes me bust out laughing each time