Rating:

Explicit

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

Multi

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Hayden Pike/Jackie Pike/Original Character(s), Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Additional Tags:

Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence

Language:

English

Series:

Part 2 of win conditions

Stats:

Published: 2026-02-11 Completed: 2026-02-28 Words: 74,524 Chapters: 4/4

All Our Little Victories (and Losses)

Summary

The Pikes had a rough season, but now they may have a path forward to a new home, new friends and maybe some more unconventional changes.

Notes

Chapter 1: Bitter and dumb, you're my sugarplum

Chapter Summary

In which Hayden is politely abducted and gets a day off from a bad year. Weeks later, an unusual courier arrives to deliver a gift and stays longer then expected. All of it is very confusing on many levels and entirely Rozanov's fucking fault.

There was a fatigue level that came post-season that Hayden was all too familiar with. It filled your joints with sand and made your bones heavier. It usually hit a day or two after the last game, the crash of the go-go-go. Mostly Hayden got through it and came out the other side within a few days, ready to take on his other life of being another regular guy at the lake with his kids.

This year it wasn't fading and it had started weeks before the end. Every game was a slog, every bruise seemed to linger tender to the touch for far too long, and his mouth tasted like blood no matter how much water he drank. Just a few more weeks. He could do that. One day at a time, he could do that.

"Honey," Jackie had murmured a few nights ago, a thousand layers of concern in her voice as she held him, "what's wrong? Please talk to me."

"I'm okay," he told her and kissed her, the lie digging in, unbelieved.

He had to be okay for her. Amber was still so small and Arthur had had a lingering cold for weeks. The twins were a lot even when they were perfect. Jackie was tired too. He couldn't bring her more of his shit and ask her to carry it. Soon it would be over and he could breathe and it would be fine.

July 1. He was free July 1 and before that the season would be done. There would be time to think.

Only JJ understood and whenever Hayden was really in his head, he'd turn to his last solid constant in the locker room.

"We got this," JJ said again and again, almost under his breath. "Heads down, get out." 

"Heads down, get out," Hayden repeated.

At least JJ had already been traded. He couldn't do the playoffs even if they made them. He was apartment hunting and Scott Hunter had actually emailed him personally to welcome him. There was a light at the end of his tunnel, somewhere to go, even if it was far away.

Hayden only had uncertainty and a family he might have to relocate from the only home they'd ever known. Three times a week it seemed, Hayden said to Jackie:

"Forget it. I can stay. I'll make it work. We're going to see big turn over with the trades, some of them won't even know Shane anymore. It'll be fine." 

And every time, his amazing wife had said, "No. We should go. Now is the best time, baby. On our own terms and before the kids are really entrenched in a school. Who knows? Maybe we'll end up closer to Melissa or George. That would be nice."

It would be nice for Jackie, who was close to her siblings. She was the youngest and the others had children already in their early teens. Potential babysitters, maybe. It would mean Toronto or Vancouver if he could get them. Toronto was a little better now with Kent firmly gone. Vancouver was fine. Probably. It was so fucking far away though.

At least Hayden had had a good season. Without Shane around to outshine the stars themselves, Hayden had gotten some attention at last. It wasn't worth the trade off, but it put him in good shape for finding someone to take him. He hoped desperately it would be enough to keep them in Canada, at least. Hayden had never lived anywhere else. He wanted to stay. 

Maybe that was why he was so tired. Because under the fatigue, there was simmering anger. Hayden wasn't good at being angry. Sure, he was happy to punch someone on the ice if it came to that (it very rarely did for him) and he'd gotten in his fair share of off the ice scraps before he went pro, but Hayden had never sustained anger like this. He had never let it boil inside of him, reducing down and down until it was a hardened layer shellacked against his ribs, making it a little harder to breathe.

Fuck them for running off Shane, fuck them for treating JJ worse now than Hayden despite them doing the same exact shit (if anything Hayden was worse), fuck them for making Hayden come home to his children and not having the energy to give them as much of himself as they deserved.  Fuck them for making him dread playing the game he loved.

Fuck them for making him lie to his wife and tell her he was fine because if he started talking, he might not stop and he might... 

Hayden hadn't cried since his father died when he was sixteen. He wasn't eager to do it again. Fuck them for making his eyes burn and his throat hot. Fuck them for threatening the peace of his people for their own small minded bullshit.  

"Why don't you skip practice tomorrow?" Jackie asked, gentle and soft last night. Like he was one of the kids himself. "It's optional." 

They would take any excuse to pick at him these days. The coaches would give him less time, first line or not, they kept finding a way. He needed to be visible. He needed to get through this. 

Head down. Get out. 

"It's fine," he assured her. "Only two more games if we don't make playoffs."

At least it was late enough that he could drive the girls to school and get his peppy 'Bye, Daddy, have a good day at work!" from them both and hugs around his legs. Ruby left a smear of jam on his pants, but even that made him feel a little better.  At least Ruby was a horrible menace to his sanity because she was four, not because she was a grown man with hate in his heart. 

He watched them retreat with their respective frog and unicorn backpacks into the waiting bright classroom and their sweet-faced teacher. The drive home was a blur and then he was gathering his things. He went to the living room where Jackie was on the floor with Arthur, the monitor in her lap so she could watch over Amber's nap. 

"Hey, bud," Hayden leaned down to kiss the top of Arthur's head. "You baking with Mommy?" 

"Daddy, go high," Arthur reached for him and Hayden had to pluck him up and blow a raspberry on his tummy. That was just law. He set him back down, even as Arthur demanded. "Again!"

"Sorry, bud. After your afternoon nap, we will go high a hundred times, I promise." 

"Go high now?" Arthur asked again, eyes wide with want. 

"Later, sweet boy," Jackie assured him. "We're making cookies now, right? Stir the bowl!" 

Arthur reluctantly picked up the empty plastic bowl and spoon to stir with grim determination as if Jackie was putting him to work in a commercial kitchen. 

"Sorry," Hayden said, mostly to Arthur, but to Jackie too. Maybe a little to himself.   

"It's all right, honey," Jackie caught his hand. He bent down and kissed her too. "I re-packed your bag. All clean." 

"I could've done it," he protested, but the thought of her lovingly folding a change of clothes and his preferred snacks into his bag, eased a little of the burning in him. 

He technically could leave everything in his stall, but lately, Hayden had wanted to be mobile. The only thing he left behind was his deodorant and equipment. 

Her phone chirped and Jackie glanced at. Something in her face eased. 

"Your ride is here," she told him. 

"My ride? I'm driving in."

"We had a change of plans," she said vaguely. "Go on." 

Not wanting to admit that he didn't remember anything about it, he headed for the door. Was he forgetting things now too? He hadn't been his best, details dropping from him and Jackie was good at holding that stuff in her head.  Did she need his car for some reason? Had he forgotten some meeting he was meant to make with someone who would shell out of for that sort of thing?

Pulled up to the curb outside the house was a glossy black Mercedes SUV with tinted windows. Classy. Expensive, probably. As he approached the driver's side window rolled down. 

"What the fuck?" Hayden asked the open air. 

Ilya Rozanov slid his douchebag sunglasses down his nose and said with utter disdain,

"Get in loser, we're going shopping." 

Someone else in the car laughed. It wasn't Shane. Hayden knew Shane's laugh.   

"I have practice," Hayden said and as soon as it came out of his mouth, he clocked how lame he sounded. "But you know that, don't you? Jackie played me." 

"You are not hard to play. Get in." 

The back door popped open. Luca Haas smiled at him. "Hi, Pike! We're kidnapping you!"

"Why?" Hayden asked, clutching at his bag. 

"For fun," Luca said brightly. "I'm-" 

"Haas, I know. You gave Avery a black eye last week. It was pretty impressive."

The smile got even brighter. The kid had an accent too, something not quite like Rozanov's. German, maybe? No, Swiss. Shane had mentioned that. "It was a good punch, wasn't it? Come on, I promise we are taking you practice. Sort of!"

Reluctantly, Hayden got into the backseat. He was about to make a comment about why he'd been relegated there with the kid, before he spotted the massive body of Ryan Price in the front passenger seat.

"Where are we going?" Hayden asked, setting his bag down at his feet reluctantly. "Why are you all here?" 

"There was a tech demo for cameras that are supposed to autofocus in better. GM sent us to see if it was worth the investment," Price rumbled. "Wiebe hates tech, so the two of us came up for it." 

"And you needed Haas for that because..." Hayden trailed off. "No offense, kid." 

"None taken," Haas said with every appearance that he meant that.

"I have pest problem," Rozanov said airily. "My car is infested by teenagers who like terrible music."

"I'm almost twenty-one, coach. Anyway, I was in the audiovisual club at school and I asked if I could come when I heard them talking about it," Haas said happily. "It was good I was there. Neither of them know shit about it."

"I know how to watch video," Price said. "Some of the points of how it gets to my eyeballs are a little over my head."

"I understand, I just do not care," Rozanov said. "So Haas cares enough for all three of us."

"And you had to include me in this," Hayden said.

"You were…" Rozanov snapped his fingers at Price. "Incident and accident."

"Incidental," Price provided.

"Yes, thank you. Incidental," Rozanov repeated. "A last minute thing. I was texting with Jackie and I thought-"

"You've been texting my wife?" Hayden asked. "Why?"

"She is lovely woman. I like her," Rozanov said simply. "Don't you like her?"

"Yes!" Hayden said defensively, aware that everyone in the car was apparently judging him instead of Rozanov. He was not in his own territory, even a little. "I liked her so much I married her. Obviously."

"So you know then," Rozanov said with triumph. God, his smugness was almost worse outside of the rink than on it. "Relax, Pike. Text your coach and tell them you are missing practice."

"Haas said you were taking me."

"Sort of, I said," Haas gave him an apologetic look. "I wasn't lying, promise."

"Take a few breaths," Price said. "You look like you're going to have a heart attack."

"I might!" Hayden said, but he did slow himself down. "Jackie really organized this?"

"We had an understanding," Rozanov said.

"Wow, I hate that," Hayden grumbled.

"Want some gummy bears?" Haas asked sympathetically and extended him an open package of gummy bears.

For a second, Hayden had the urge to slap the package out of Haas hand, sending a rainbow of tiny bullets in every direction. But Haas was giving him an open kind look and Hayden was tired. And goddamnit, he did want gummy bears, they looked good.

"Yeah, thanks," he said and took a few, biting off the heads one by one.

Rozanov was a competent driver, annoyingly. He had one hand on the wheel, the other resting on his center console.

Hayden couldn't forget that night at Rozanov's house when he had watched him color with the girls, switching the crayon seamlessly to his left hand when his right started to shake and twitch. It had been so unsettling that Hayden had gone to the bathroom to take a second to himself.

The great Ilya Rozanov. Hayden's mortal enemy because he thought for years that he had been Shane's. Instead, he was Shane's man. Loved so very fiercely and for so long in silence. A man who couldn't reliably butter his own bread with his dominant hand, made kissy faces at his dog every fifteen minutes and hung off of Shane like a slutty, needy scarf constantly.

Not really much of a nemesis. Even if he was still a huge asshole.

While Hayden was decapitating gummy bears, the conversation had moved on without him. Price and Rozanov were debating the merits of an opening act for Price's boyfriend while Haas played snippets of songs off his phone like an argumentative DJ.

That segued into a discussion of locker room playlists of years gone by as Rozanov and Price regaled Haas with horrifying tales as if they had been retired forever instead of a handful of years.

"That's nothing," Hayden said as Price finished recounting a week of 'Oops, All Metallica'. "Last month when it was my turn and they were pissing me off so much that I put on my girls' favorites. You ever seen a bunch of guys try to pretend they don't know all the words to 'Let It Go'?"

To his surprise, Rozanov barked a laugh. "How many of them sang by the end?"

"At least three," Hayden said. "Mostly under their breath. I sang out loud."

"Do you have a good singing voice?" Haas asked.

"Fuck no," Hayden said.

Price and Haas laughed too. Haas shook his head, "If you did that with us, it would just become a bunch of howling cats. We do sing-alongs by accident all the time."

"It's true," Rozanov said with mock grimness. "I close my door and it doesn't help. Their noise gets in everywhere."

"I don't know," Price said thoughtfully, "I thought Bohemian Rhapsody was shockingly good. Hazy has a good Freddy impression."

It kept going like that. It was just..nice. They had long since passed any suggestion that they were staying in Montreal. By now, Hayden had figured they were going back to Ottawa and for some reason he was along for this ride. Jackie had blessed it, so he gave himself over to it and had the lightest conversation with a bunch of guys he'd had in well over a year.

Hayden felt his shoulders start relax. He hadn't even known they were that tense until his neck felt funny from them coming down an inch or so. The seat was comfortable and he dropped his head back as Price and Rozanov chirped at each other about potato chips or something stupid and Haas laughed.

Falling asleep in cars had always been a habit of Hayden's, but not usually around near strangers. He surprised himself, startling awake as the car slowed down, some unknown time later. He scrubbed at his face and reached for his water bottle.

"Good timing," Price said. "We're here. God, I need out of this car. My back is killing me."

"You need to go back to PT," Rozanov scolded like he was Price's mother.

"I know, I know. Fabian is on me too."

"I am not on you like that," Rozanov grinned.

"Shut the fuck up," Price laughed. "The kid is listening."

"The kid," Haas said with wrinkled up nose, "has had sex before."

"Luca! The scandal!" Rozanov cried. "How will we get you married in white if you go around telling people this?"

"Do you hear that?" Haas asked Hayden with a huff. "They think I'm a baby."

Hayden raised his eyebrows. There was something cherubic about Haas. The white-blond curls, the wide hazel eyes and perfect skin maybe.

"Sorry, kid," Hayden took a swig of water. "You look about twelve to me too."

"I'm twenty-one!" Luca whined.

"So old," Rozanov said dryly. "So much wisdom."

"Probably wiser than you were at twenty," Hayden said before he could stop himself. "Didn't you drink tequila shots off a wrestler's girlfriend in our rookie year and he threatened to literally rip you in half?"

"I have no memory of this," Rozanov said quickly.

"Yeah, I don't know how you could, considering I heard it was a whole bottle worth of shots."

"Is that true?" Luca asked, wide eyed.

"Get out of my car," Rozanov said, pulling into a spot. "Especially you, Pike."

"Delighted to."

They did all get out and Ryan stretched, every one of his limbs cracking. Hayden winced. His own joints had started to make interesting sounds, but nothing like that.

This was definitely the Centaur's practice rink. It was as unassuming as a building of that size could be, only a banner over one door announcing it's utility. Hayden grabbed his bag.

"So…what? You want me to practice with a rival team? I'll get roasted forever," Hayden said. "Is that even okay? There's no like…policy about that?"

"For fuck's sake," Rozanov sighed. "There are two of them."

"We don't have practice today," Haas said. "It's a recovery day. Game last night."

"Right. Which you won. Because that's what you do these days."

It was still bizarre to see. Ottawa had always been a bit of a joke though they hadn't completely sucked last year. Hayden had wanted to assume their improvement was all on Shane, but watching their games said something else, not to mention being creamed by them three times. The Centaurs were fucking great and only getting better. They were a shoe-in for the playoffs now, only their unsteady early season losses dinging their record.

"Yes," Haas said without any arrogance.

"He got two goals last night and a gorgeous assist," Price said, reaching over to mess with Luca's curls. Luca allowed it with a pleased smile.

Hayden couldn't remember the last time a coach had touched him affectionately. When he was a kid here and there, the 'attaboy' shoulder claps had rained down on him from time to time. Had they when he was a rookie? Maybe. The same kind of pat on the back. A smack on the helmet. He'd never been anyone's particular favorite and hadn't really wanted to be. It was kind of sweet though. Haas seemed like the type of guy who needed that.

Rozanov opened a door with a swipe of a keycard and they all filed in after him. He strode through the bland hallway like he owned the place, giving a wave to the custodian vacuuming.

"Get changed," Rozanov said to Hayden. "Luca, show him the locker room and kit out if you want to join."

"I can?" Haas asked.

"Who is going to stop you?" Rozanov rolled his eyes. "Rest means nothing at your age, I know this. Go."

"I'm going to hit the head, then go hole up in Hazy's guest room with some footage. It was good to see you Pike," Price said. "Keep an open mind, okay?"

"Uh, yeah, sure?" Hayden frowned. "I try to?"

"Good man," Price smiled at him. "Roz, I'll see you on Friday?"

"I have good tickets," Rozanov confirmed. "Tell him I want to hear the arrow one again."

"Lonely Hunter? He usually plays it anyway, but I'll pass on the request."

Both coaches walked off, in opposite directions.

"This way," Haas said and Hayden had no choice, but to follow him into the locker room.

It looked like any other locker room at a practice rink: stalls full of equipment and random shit with names and numbers picked out over them in bright stickers. Hayden would've been able to find Shane's without that. Perfectly tidy, the same Degree Intense Sport deodorant he'd used the entire time Hayden had known him which was lined up next to a dark blue shower caddy that Shane had had since he was a kid, complete with a fading Sharpie declaration of 'S.Hollander' on the side in Yuna's handwriting.

Haas darted to his own stall which was an explosive disaster.

"Wow, Hollander must hate that," Hayden said before he could help himself.

"He tells me all the time," Haas grinned. "I try, I promise, but it keeps happening when I'm not looking. You can use some of the spare things, if you are missing any equipment. They are in the closet by the bathroom."

When Hayden unzipped his bag, he found not only his usual things, but the travel bathroom bag he used on away trips. That was a sweet addition. He wouldn't have to borrow anyone's shampoo to get cleaned up afterwards. Jackie was the best. He texted her a series of heart emojis and asked no questions.

Getting changed was rote at least and Haas might have a mess of a setup, but he seemed to know where everything was. Together they were ready in handful of minutes, and Hayden followed Luca again, this time out to the rink. Hayden braced himself for whatever madness might meet him.

Instead, hefound Rozanov on the ice, a black fleece pulled on over the outfit he'd been wearing in the car. He was skating backwards at a leisurely pace and watching the only other person out there.

Standing in front of a dozen lined up pucks, a familiar helmeted body got into position and started shooting into the goal with the same insane precision that had gotten the cup into Hayden's hands twice.

Shane! Hayden was so delighted to see him that he was up and over the boards before he could consider if it as a good idea to interrupt him.

"Hollander!" He called. "Don't you know what a rest day is for?"

Shane turned, face slack with shock, a puck actually missing as he ignored it's trajectory. "Hayd?"

So Hayden was just as much a surprise for Shane as Shane was to him. Hayden glanced at Rozanov and found him not looking smug at all. Only a little relieved as Shane skated towards Hayden and they knocked helmets with matching grins.

"Hey, man, what are you doing here?" Shane asked.

"Your fucking villain boyfriend abducted me," Hayden said. "With his crew."

"Crew?"

"Hello, Hollander!" Luca chimed.

"Price was with them too."

"I know, they had a tech thing in Montreal…oh," Shane laughed quietly. "I see. You were the extra errand. Ilya said he had one and he'd be later than he thought. What he tell you?"

"He didn't. Haas just said I was still going to practice today. Do you want to? I mean with the three of us we could definitely drill, but I don't want to get in your way."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Shane had his eyes on Hayden's chin and Hayden had a brief painful desire to hug him and not let go. Plenty of people looked Hayden in the eye with way less meaning than Shane stared at his chin. "C'mon. Haas, you up for it?"

"Yes, please!"

"Is Rozanov coaching or just…" Hayden gestured at where Rozanov was picking up speed and coasting around the edges of the ice. "What's he doing?"

"Sometimes he gets in exercise while I'm drilling," Shane shrugged. "He can still coach while he does it, but he'll probably mostly leave us alone. It's his thinking time."

"Okay then."

With Rozanov circling like a shark, Hayden warmed up and then sank into the familiarity of Shane bossing him around through drills. This time though, the drills devolved into a messy three-man scrimmage with Haas acting more as a nuisance to them both than taking sides. When Hayden stopped a patented Hollander fake out, stealing it and sinking it into his goal, Haas demanded, "How did you do that?"

"Who do you think taught him that move?" Pike asked.

"You did not," Shane protested. "You taught me the fundamental and I improved it."

"I can't get partial credit?"

"Hollander doesn't give partial anything," Rozanov called out, blurring by. The Dopplering of his voice was disconcerting. "It's against his religion."

"Fuck off!" Shane shouted after him, grinning like that was a compliment. "Now are we playing or what?"

They played. They really played. Hayden's anger had overshadowed something else he tried not to think about: he missed Shane profoundly. Missing him on the ice made total sense. Hayden had relied on him, worked with him for his entire professional career. Off the ice, it wasn't that Shane had ever talked much in the locker room or been a huge personality in the room.

But Hayden missed him even more before and after games. The surety that no matter what else was going on, Shane would be there to carefully square away his things and frown over his phone for a second. He would change while Hayden rambled, seemingly not listening, only to bring up something he'd said months ago entirely at random.

Hayden missed Shane coming over for dinner after practice. Hanging out until it was too late to go home, then taking his place in the guest room and trying not to let Jackie make his terrible smoothie in the morning. Or worse (better), trying to get Hayden to drink one too.

Hayden missed Shane so much that being here was almost worse. A reminder of what he couldn't have anymore.

"Shoot out!" Luca challenged after Shane sank his twenty-seventh goal or something.

"Oh great, can't wait to lose this," Hayden laughed, but he lined up with them.

Luca went first and Hayden settled in for real humiliation as Luca easily made most of the shots that Shane did. Hayden was a good player. Great, even. He wasn't in the first line on one of the best pro teams for no goddamn reason. But he wasn't a generational talent. Maybe Haas would be and obviously Shane had already been called that by everyone that mattered.

At least Hayden was used to it. He took his turn and got a respectable few shots in before his vision was partially obscured with black.

"Why do you do this?" Rozanov demanded, pointing to Hayden's grip on his stick.

"I've broken my right thumb twice. It doesn't sit flat anymore. It's a compensation grip," he said irritably. "Been using it forever."

"And you have been mediocre for years," Rozanov scoffed.

Before Hayden could chirp back, Rozanov reached out and tapped on his thumb until Hayden moved it out of sheer irritation.

"Better," Rozanov said. "If you cannot use it, then get it out of the way."

"I'm not changing my fucking grip," Hayden gritted out.

"Not even for five minutes with three people here?" Rozanov asked, incredulously. "Try something. If it doesn't work, give it up. Who cares?"

Then he was gone again, whipping off with a speed Hayden remembered loathing once upon at time. Hayden glanced over to Shane and Haas, who seemed very comfortable with this intervention.

"Give it a shot, Hayd," Shane said.

"Fuck, fine."

It was better almost immediately. That was very fucking annoying. He still didn't beat Haas or Shane, but at least it wasn't completely embarrassing.

"Lunch!" Rozanov called out. "Before I start chewing on the walls!"

Hayden was starving now that he'd heard the word. They all trooped back in, hitting the showers. Shane had obeyed a strict 'no talking' shower policy, but Haas apparently did not share that philosophy. He chattered about the team as if Hayden needed to be read in to the latest news about Bood's newborn and Dillion's fickle girlfriend.

"Wait, he flirted with Rose Landry and still went back to her?"

"Is that not crazy?" Haas groaned. "Rose is so nice."

Was that the first thing Haas had noticed about Rose fucking Landry? Hayden had had to google pansexual after that coming out post, so he was fairly sure that Haas still liked women at least a little.

The water cut off and a towel came down in Hayden's peripheral. "Dillion doesn't want nice."

Technically the water was off, but they were still very much in the hot wet depths. And Shane Hollander had spoken. Haas seemed unsurprised by that. What had Hayden missed in less than a year?

"He should consider it," Haas said. "It would make him less annoying to listen to."

Shane made a neutral grunting noise and walked off. Hayden stared at the drain, water pounding against his back.

They all got back into Rozanov's car for lunch and Hayden gave up questioning it. He wasn't even surprised when their lunch spot was just Rozanov's house. There was a car in the driveway with a nightmare of a backseat, absolutely chockfull of clothes and shopping bags.

"That's yours, isn't it?" Hayden asked Haas, who only gave a bashful shrug.

Anya greeted them at the door, too excited by the abundance of people to decide who to greet first. Her entire body wagged as she jumped between the four of them, eventually scenting Hayden's proffered hand like he might be hiding treats up his sleeve.

"Hey, girl," he said quietly. "I know, sorry. Only met me once before, but I bet you forgot already, huh?"

She let him give her a few head-scratches before she darted off to try to trip up Haas.

It would be better if Hayden could hate Rozanov's house. Too bad it was gorgeous. Lots of big windows to draw in the sun, buttery wood flooring and the kind of white furniture that would die a terrible juice-stained death in Hayden's home. Last time Hayden had been here, it felt a little cavernous, the emptiness something he could seize onto to dislike, but even that had been banished.

Shane's leather armchair from his old apartment had been juxtaposed with the deep couch, a multicolor blanket thrown over it. His glasses' case was on the side table and a book beside it. The lonely photo on the credenza had been joined with a few others: a woman that Hayden didn't know posed with Rozanov in front of brick wall, both of them haloed in smoke; David and Yuna at a formal event, his arm around her shoulders; Shane and Rozanov in tuxedos, much younger and wearing stiff smiles; them again both in Centaurs t-shirts, standing shoulder to shoulder, arms crossed over their chests surveying something off camera; and then…then the Pike family Christmas card photo from this year.

Hayden had liked that one. It was a mess, naturally. He'd set his phone up on a tripod with a timer and then spent twenty minutes trying to wrangle his whole family into frame. It had ended with him gathering both the girls in his lap, Ruby standing on one of his knees, her dress half in his face while Jade tucked her head under his arm shyly. Arthur was holding his battered sheep plushie in front of the charming sweater Jackie had put him in. Amber, changed out of her original nice dress after a diaper blowout, into one of Arthur's old onsies with dinosaur feet was propped against Jackie's chest. They had all been smiling though, laughing at the chaos and he thought it did a better job of honest joy than any of the more posed photos he could've fought for.

And that chaos lived in a nice frame on the credenza in Ilya Rozanov's house.

What the fuck.

"Hollander," Hayden said turning to find his friend pulling things out of the fridge. Haas and Rozanov had disappeared outside with the dog. "Do you live here?"

Shane set down a container, and said, "Mostly."

"Oh. Since when?"

"January."

"But you only got back together-" Hayden cut himself off. "All or nothing."

"I don't know why people say that like it's a bad thing," Shane huffed. "What's wrong with being committed to something?"

"Nothing, man," Hayden said. "I know you're all in on him. I got the memo. Did he- like is this official? Changing addresses?"

"My lease is up in August. I have a few things there. Furniture mostly. Some of it can go in one of the bedrooms, but I'll probably put the rest in storage for now," Shane said. "Why? Did you want some of it?"

"No," Hayden said quickly. "Just curious where I should mail your birthday card."

"Here works," Shane said.

"Great," Hayden's stomach turned over, "you want some help?"

They were making salmon apparently, no huge shock there. Shane reluctantly putting cheese on broccoli which was a mild one. Hayden noticed there was a portion set aside untouched, so he didn't have to start checking Shane for signs of a concussion or something. There was brown rice too which was also new, garlic and ginger thrown in for flavor.

They talked about hockey, of course. Mostly playoff speculation, avoiding both of their teams to pour over the chances of New York and Pittsburgh.

"Fuck's sake!" Rozanov's voice broke through the front door as Anya whipped by, leash dragging and spots of mud trailing her. "Anya!"

"Sorry!" Haas was laughing, running after and finally snagging her leash. "That was my fault."

"Did she roll in the mud again?" Shane asked.

"Yes," Rozanov rounded the corner, kissed Shane's cheek absently and reached past him to pull a gold can of soda out of the fridge. "She tricked me."

"You've got to stop letting her outsmart you," Shane shook his head. "Her brain is the size of a walnut."

"She does this to you too," Rozanov grumbled. He reached for a butter knife left on the counter and pried up the pull tab on the soda with it. "She uses the whole walnut for scheming."

It was so normal. Hayden couldn't help, but watch like it was a movie. Shane and Rozanov moved around each other, orbiting as they went on their separate tasks. Occasionally, they brushed against each other and Hayden caught fingertips lingering over an elbow, the touch to the small of the back to get the other to move, and a teasing swat from Rozanov at Shane's ass that was avoided by a neat side step.

Just…normal. Coupley. They lived here together. Last time Hayden had been here, Rozanov had dedicated himself to winning over the kids and Jackie while Shane had buzzed nervously around Hayden, side eying him the whole time like he might blow everything up for fun.

This was more natural, relaxed. On the one hand, it was bizarre and uncomfortable to see Rozanov handling Shane with such familiar affection. On the other…

No one handled Shane usually. Hayden got to, now and then. The kids got special privileges. . But usually Shane was vaguely untouchable, except with special dispensation. Rozanov didn't have to wait for a specific moment, he was invited in all the time. Allowed to kiss and poke and prod. It was what Hayden had wanted for Shane, even if he'd been picturing 'Lily' in the role for years.

God, it would annoy the shit out of Rozanov if Hayden approved of them wouldn't it?

"You two are really fucking sweet," Hayden declared.

"What?" Shane asked flatly. Rozanov went very still, eyes narrowing at Hayden.

"You heard me," Hayden said, grinning at them both. He picked up the bowl of cheese-laden broccoli and brought it over to the table.

"Sweet," Rozanov repeated. "Does he know you are allergic to sugar?"

"I'm not allergic, I'm just careful," Shane retorted.

"He likes dark chocolate almonds," Hayden said, eyes on the steaming bowl as he set it down.

"They're fine," Shane said.

"If you put a bag next to him when he's distracted, he will eat the whole thing."

"Will he?" Rozanov asked with interest.

"Ilyusha, no. Don't do it."

"Of course not," Rozanov said very reasonably. "It would be very rude to trick you. Would I ever do this?"

"Every day and twice on Thursday," Shane sighed.

Haas returned with a much cleaner dog and they sat down to demolish the meal. It never got awkward despite the assortment of personalities. Occasionally Hayden and Rozanov chirped at each other's eating habits, ('I guess all children will eat their veggies if you put cheese on it.' / 'No one taught you to chew with your mouth closed? You are part-cow, maybe?') and general personage ('Fantastic observation, have you also noticed sky is blue and grass is green?'/ 'Look, grim reaper, not all of us came up with dressing in solid black to hide food stains'), but with Haas laughing about it and egging them on, Shane interceded. It became less mean as the meal wore on and more a competition that Hayden was fairly sure he was losing. Rozanov was faster like this too, which was deeply unfair.

No one mentioned getting Hayden home even after the plates were cleared. Haas left not long after the plates had cleared. Shane was perched on his armchair and Rozanov was in the kitchen, standing at the island with his laptop, apparently answering emails.

"Not that this isn't great, but how long is this abduction scheduled for?" Hayden asked.

"Tomorrow morning, Shane will drive you home."

"Shane will?" Shane asked. "We've got tape review in the afternoon."

"You leave early, say hello to his litter, give Jackie a hug and eat a second breakfast," Rozanov said. "Even if you stay two or three hours, you'll still make it back in time."

"Jackie would love to see you," Hayden said. "But that's a hell of a turn around."

"That's okay," Shane decided. "Worth it."

Hayden waited for it to get weird. It was a lot hours to hang out with Rozanov around. But Shane was still Shane, barreling ahead with a plan once it was set. They watched a movie, talking over it for the most part. Dinner was less put together, reheated leftovers of some thick stew that Rozanov had made that met Shane's stringent approval.

Instead of disrupting things, Rozanov somehow made it all smoother. When Shane went quiet, he picked up the conversation, even if it was a little more sharp-edged. When Shane remembered something he abosutly had to do right then and abruptly left the room, Rozanov let him go, instead of chasing after him like Hayden might've before he knew him better.

"To do list," Hayden guessed.

"Mhm," Rozanov was smiling fondly. "This threw him off some things today. I think he won't mind, but somethings must be done."

"I-"Hayden started then stopped. All at once he could hear Jackie's voice in his ear. Be Hayden for him. And maybe that meant Rozanov too as horrible as the thought was. "Thank you. I really needed this."

"I did not do it for you," Rozanov said simply. "He needed a friend."

"So you…got me?" Hayden asked, trying to piece that together.

"Yes," Rozanov shrugged.

"Oh, but…he's got like a whole team here. Decent guys. Haas is crazy about him," Hayden said.

Until that moment, Hayden hadn't even realized he was jealous, but he kind of was. Shane seemed to so easily replace him, always telling Hayden about something Bood had said or Wyatt's game night or worst of all what that former fuckhead Troy Barrett was up to. A guy they'd both always hated more than Rozanov (although not as much as Dallas Kent and fuck that guy all the way to hell still).

Well. As much more than Hayden had hated Rozanov anyway. Shane had apparently been forming some weird psychic-soulmate bond with him that started with their dicks and radiated outward, but whatever. Details.

Rozanov rolled his eyes up to the heavens like there were answers up there. "I know you need these things spelled out, but I am not nursery school book. He missed you. I delivered you. Do the rest on your own, Pike."

"Holy shit."

Hayden sat back, taking in the Rozanov all over again. Still the same imposing figure, the same laser beam eyes that could cut you in half. It did seem slightly less threatening when he was sprawled on a couch, confessing to playing a very long game of fetch. "You are totally gone for him, aren't you?"

"What gave it away?" Rozanov asked dryly.

"Good," Hayden said and took a deeper breath than he'd managed since he'd walked in the door. This was Shane's space. Shane's man. Hayden knew how to exist in Shane's spaces. "He should have that. I thought maybe…I don't know."

"I know you don't think," Rozanov scoffed, but he was watching Hayden intently. "You think what? That I'm faking all of this?"

"I think," Hayden said, glancing over his shoulder to ensure Shane wasn't going to come wandering back in, "that I worried about him a lot. Trying to get you back. Because who in their right mind would take someone back after two and half years of nothing? After everything. Seemed like a pretty big ask."

"Ah," Rozanov nodded, "well, I am not in my right mind ever."

"I want to be so clear that you said that and not me."

"It's true. Shane makes me total lunatic," Rozanov said, entirely untroubled. "But it was worse without him."

"Yeah, it really fucking is," Hayden said before he could stop himself.

They both went quiet over that and Hayden scrubbed at his face with his hand, hiding a little from that confession. A foot lashed out catching Hayden's knee in a kick.

"What the fuck, man?" Hayden demanded, lifting his face to glare at Rozanov.

"You think I would make fun of you for giving a shit about him? It is your only redeeming quality."

So that was awful. Shane came in before Hayden could retaliate which was probably for the best.

"Game is on," Shane said, sitting down practically in Rozanov's lap. An arm went around Shane's shoulders and Hayden watched Shane slot in against Rozanov.

"Always a game," Rozanov teased him gently, dropping a kiss in Shane's hair. "We can watch highlights later."

"It's Boston though," Shane said. "Hayden is playing them in like four days."

"Don't remind me," Hayden groaned.

"They are not so good this year," Rozanov waved that off and reached for the remote.

Boston hadn't been very good in three years, but Hayden knew enough not to say that. It wouldn't be taken as a compliment.

It was a boring game, yet between Shane and Rozanov, they dissected it so thoroughly that Hayden got interested again. Shane's analytics and near psychic ability to predict plays meshed into Rozanov's understanding of the team dynamics. Hayden threw in comments here or there and to his surprise, Rozanov nodded along with most of them, only correcting him with knowledge Hayden couldn't have had.

"You're better at knowing about hockey than playing," Rozanov concluded.

"Fuck you," Hayden said. "What do you mean about the first line though?"

Eventually though, the game ended and Shane got up to herd Hayden down the hall. They passed what Hayden had thought was a guest room, but now boasted a sign on the door written on a torn piece of printer paper written in Shane's handwriting: Room Reserved for The Terrible Scary Woman that Bites.

"What's that about?"

"Svetlana," Shane said.

"She has her own room? Does she actually bite?"

"Ilya and her have the same sense of humor. It's awful."

The second guest room had been unfurnished last time Hayden was here. A few of the rooms in Rozanov's house had been like that. Closed off and empty upon snooping inspection. Like he'd never fully moved in. This one had a bed now, along with bedside tables and lamps.

"Thanks," Hayden said and set down the bag that had apparently actually been packed for an overnight. His wife was awesome.

"Yeah, no problem," Shane lingered in the door. "We get up pretty early to run if you want to come with."

"Sure. I'm up before the sun these days anyway. Amber sleeps through most of the night, but she draws the line at dawn."

They let the silence fall between them and Hayden was sure Shane was going to turn heel and say goodnight, but he didn't.

"Are you okay?" Shane asked. "Like…really. Are you good?"

Hayden sat down on the end of the bed. It was soft. Comfortable. He should say he was fine. Shane didn't need his shit anymore than Jackie did. Hayden was going to be fine. He just needed time.

Just a few more weeks.

Then there was an arm around his shoulders. He shook his head in denial of the small comfort. He was fine. He was totally fine.

"It's a little fucked on the team," he said.

"I know," Shane said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Hayden demanded and his voice was thick with all of that concentrated rage. "You were the only person who didn't fuck up."

"Because if I hadn't-"

"Don't even start with me," Hayden snapped. "Are you fucking kidding? It's my fault for not paying attention. But now I am and I can't stop and it's like getting a thousand fucking paper cuts a day. I want to punch everyone in the room and not stop."

"Hayden," Shane said, his voice tight. "That's not you."

"I know. I know! And I'm not going to do it. JJ is almost out and I'll be next. It's fine. I'm fine."

"Wow. Convincing," Shane said.

"See how it feels?" Hayden asked bitterly. "Repeat that for six years."

"Yeah, okay," Shane sighed. "What can I do?"

"Nothing. It's just time. We run out the clock. We move. Get the kids into a decent school, find the grocery store. Guys move around all the time and no one complains. Hell, you moved teams and it was great."

"I moved teams for Ilya," Shane said like maybe Hayden had forgotten that whole batshit thing that had actually worked because Shane fucking Hollander stayed winning always. "Little different."

"I'm happy for you, man. Really. I can see that your solid here. Happy."

"I am," Shane said. "But we're talking about you."

"Why?" Hayden grumbled. "I don't want to."

"What's the worst thing that happens if you do?"

Hayden started twisting his wedding ring around his finger. The gold was too soft for how he lived his life. It had a dozen tiny scrapes and dents. Jackie cleaned it for him sometimes when she did her own so it was never grimy at least.

"I don't know," Hayden said. "Maybe nothing."

Shane pulled him in a little closer and Hayden didn't mean to let him, but Shane was strong and it was easier to give in than fight.

"What's the worst thing?" Shane asked again, patient and calm.

When the kids got upset, Shane always got flustered. He did his best, but if anyone cried for longer than a minute, Shane picked them up, carried them to Jackie or Hayden and declared 'We have a situation' like a bomb needed to be defused.

Jackie found it adorable and both of them would use their Shane impression when things went south in a ridiculous way. 'We have a situation' was their household code for 'can you fucking believe this shit?'

Shane wasn't good at comforting people. He wasn't supposed to be good at it. Hayden needed him not to be good at this right now.

He couldn't move though. Shane was solid and present and listening and….

"I might crack like a fucking egg," Hayden whispered. "I can't. I can't do that."

"Why not?" Shane asked, purely practical. Sensible. "Everyone breaks down sometimes. And you've seen me worse than this."

"I don't-" Hayden stopped. "I'm so angry. I'm so fucking angry and I'm so fucking tired."

Shane nodded, "Yeah. I get that. I was pissed off for a long time. And I was also like…really fucking sad."

"Yeah," Hayden said and his voice cracked like he'd just started puberty.

"Because they took what made it good from us."

The dam broke. Hayden made a hideous noise and slapped both hands over his face. His eyes prickled and just like that he started crying. It was just as awful as he remembered.

And Shane 'We have a situation' Hollander held him. His other arm came up and he embraced Hayden from the side, chin in his hair. He was warm and familiar. There was shame here, buried under the horror and release of it all. Hayden could feel the slime of it. To be seen this upset, to be known this way by another man. But it was fucking Shane and Hayden was so fucking tired. It was only a few tears, he thought. Just a few.

God, maybe he bawled like a baby, Hayden wasn't even sure. All he knew as a few minutes later, he had to sit up and he had a headache and everything was overheated and damp.

"That sucked," he told Shane without risking looking up at him.

"Yeah, I know," Shane shoved a wad of tissues at him. "Better now though, right?"

It was emptier, certainly. Hayden didn't feel much at all anymore except tired. "Yeah. It is. Shit. I'm such a fucking shit friend."

"What?" Shane asked incredulously.

"Rozanov said you weren't like fully okay and I didn't even-"

"Shut the fuck up, Hayd, Jesus fucking Christ," Shane shoved his shoulder. "It's just knowing playoffs are coming. You know how I get. He's an overprotective asshole."

"Good," Hayden blew his nose. "I like that about him. Don't tell him I said that."

"Trust me, not even in the top ten things I'll say to him before bed tonight."

Hayden pulled a face, "Should I put on headphones?"

"You're on the other side of the house. How loud do you think we get?" Shane asked and then seemed to hear himself and wince. "I mean-"

"Uh huh,'" Hayden found a smile somewhere after all. "You're definitely just going to go straight to bed with your chastity belt on, right? No sex before marriage, Hollander."

"Oh, so the twins were immaculate conception?"

"No," Hayden shouldn't feel this good, all things considered. Maybe crying was like drugs. He did feel very loopy now. "God spoke to Jackie and was like 'damn this man is too fine for you to wait', so we got special permission."

"You're an idiot," Shane declared, but he was smiling too. "I think Jackie just winked at you and your pants fell off."

"Yeah, that's pretty much how it went. Doesn't seem like you two are much better. Rozanov is whipped, huh? Wrapped around your little finger."

Shane shrugged, "Sure. And I'm wrapped around his. So what?"

So what. Yeah. So fucking what.

"I love being whipped," Hayden confessed.

"Yeah, Hayd, anyone with two eyes and half a brain knows that."

"Oh fuck, really?" Hayden winced.

"Yeah, too bad most of the people we know only have a quarter."

They laughed like hyenas over that. Loud enough to summon Rozanov to darken the still open door. He crossed his arms over his chest. "What is funny enough that I hear you across the house?"

"Ha!" Hayden grinned at him. "I make Shane louder than you. OW! Motherfucker!"

"Sorry," Shane said, sounding not at all sorry for socking Hayden in the arm hard enough to bruise.

"Loud is not the goal," Rozanov said, apparently amused by them, judging by his shit eating grin. "Are you coming to bed, Hollander or should I let Anya sleep on your pillow?"

"Don't you fucking dare," Shane said, pushing off the mattress. He did pause though and ruffle a hand over Hayden's hair like he was Haas or something. "Good night."

"Good night," Hayden said.

As he watched them walk out, Rozanov slid a hand under the back of Shane's sweatshirt, a small intimacy that Shane leaned into.

The bathroom was across the hall. He brushed his teeth and washed his face, getting the sticky terrible feeling off his skin. The bed was comfortable and he curled up on his side (always his side even when Jackie wasn't there, it helped to pretend that she was just still up and would be there any minute).

Phone in hand, he hit his number one contact and closed his eyes.

"Hey, baby," she said.

"Jacks," he said. "I love you."

"Love you too," she said. "This was okay? I was worried you'd be mad."

"Not mad," he breathed out. "It's been great. Thank you. I'll tell you about it tomorrow after Shane leaves. He's going to come by, help with the school run."

"That's so sweet," she said, no surprise. She'd already known the plan.

"When he leaves, you and me are going to have a talk about how much you've been texting Rozanov."

"I like him," she said. "Don't you?"

"No," Hayden denied probably too quickly. Very faintly, over the sound of Jackie's laughter, Hayden could've sworn he heard someone moan. "Actually, I hate him."

"What's that?"

"Nothing," Hayden sighed. "I'll tell you you tomorrow. How's Arthur's nose?"

"Not any better than it was this morning."

They talked a little idly, said good night. Hayden slept like a rock and woke to the sun. He stayed there, prodding at his mental bruising a little and found it way less painful. Rolling out of bed, he pulled on a shirt and his running shorts and tentatively made his way out into the house.

Rozanov was in the kitchen, chopping up familiar looking ingredients.

"No," Hayden sighed. "Please no."

"He loves them," Rozanov said grimly, whacking his way through spinach.

"Fuck," Hayden hung his head. "I would literally murder you for a breakfast sandwich."

"I don't think that's how that goes," Rozanov grumbled. "You eat before you run?"

"No, but just thinking that that's what I'm coming back to will make me slower."

"I have bagels," Rozanov confided. "Cream cheese."

"Okay, never mind, you can live."

"Joy."

Shane emerged, Anya at his heels. "Are we taking her out this morning? Hi, Hayd."

"Hi. She can keep up with you guys?"

"For some of it," Rozanov said. "We do loops. Drop her home when she gets tired. Not this morning, I already walked her."

It should be weird having Rozanov along with them for a run. Shane and Hayden had spent countless hours like this. Cardio wasn't really supposed to be their focus, even in the off season, but Hayden had always loved a run and coaxing Shane along with him hadn't been hard. So they had a pace and a way of doing things.

Rozanov fell in with them. He had good form, because of course he did, and he seemed to enjoy it too, turning his face up to the sun when it came out from behind thick cloud cover. Occasionally, they talked about something on the road or in a window, but mostly it was the silent companionship of pounding over pavement.

Shane didn't pull out his phone once. A habit he'd had for years, then stopped. Because.. because..well shit.

Hayden laughed, with maybe a slight edge of hysteria, as they cleared the 5k mark and started to slow a little. "You've always fucking been here."

"What?" Shane frowned. "Are you good?"

"Yeah, not you," Hayden waved at Rozanov who was also eyeing him with a little concern. "I was thinking this felt kind of normal. Because it is. That's who Shane was texting and thinking about and all that shit. So you were here. On fucking runs and in hotels and the goddamn lockeroom. The whole time."

"I was?" Rozanov asked, beaming like this was the best news he'd ever heard.

"That's bullshit," Shane said, but he was staring off into the distance like maybe it made a little more sense than he'd like.

"Face it, Hollander," Rozanov gloated. "I haunt all your buddy-buddy workouts."

"You're a fucking terrible ghost. All you did is make him blush and stop looking where he was going," Hayden said. Rozanov only laughed harder while Shane scowled at both of them.

It was easy to roll into the house, sweating and jocular. They both pulled faces at Shane's smoothie and yet somehow both wound up drinking some while pointedly also eating their bagels.

The drive back was good too. Hayden and Shane didn't talk about the night before. They were quiet together a lot. Hayden forgot how much he liked that. Shane was never upset about being quiet in a room with him. They did their own thinking or lack thereof and still enjoyed each other's company.

Jackie greeted them both with equal enthusiasm and the girls swarmed Shane immediately full of questions and hugs. But bless him, Shane went right for Arthur, who was waiting more quietly with big eyes and scooped him up as soon as he was reached for.

"Uncle Shane!' Ruby protested. "Pick me up too!"

"Me too!"

Hayden got a picture of Shane being swarmed by all three kids and somehow managing to keep them all in the air with no sign of exertion on his face. Hayden snapped a photo and sent it to a new contact in his phone.

Rozanov: Stop. I am trying to be important boss, I cannot see such cute things and concentrate. Are you sure you are the father? Seems unlikely with such beautiful children.

Hayden: Fuck off. I don't have to send you anything, you know.

Rozanov: Oh no, you are a dealer now. Don't cut me off!

Hayden shoved his phone in his pocket. For a few minutes. Then maybe sent him another picture of Arthur in Shane's lap while Shane read to him and Ruby attempted to braid his hair. That seemed fair, all things considered.

Thus fortified, Hayden made it through the end of the season. He drove JJ to the airport because he could and made him swear five or six times that he'd call once he was settled in and show him the apartment he'd gotten. He got through the playoffs until they crashed out hard. Hayden had finally landed on the other side.

Now there was only the uncertainty. His agent assured him once a day that there were serious offers coming. That it was just a matter of time. Time that ticked on. Day after relentless day. The Centaurs went to the end. Hayden watched every game and sent Shane a very long supportive, slightly drunk. text when they went down right before the finish line.

Then Hayden drove the girls to school, took Arthur and Amber to Mommy and Me, did a thousand loads of laundry and nearly lost his mind while Jackie took a much deserved week away with her sister.

On the last full day of her absence, when he was holding it together by a thread, there was a knock on the door. Who the fuck knocked on doors in this day and age?

"I'll get it!" Ruby shouted, charing out of the living room.

"No!" Hayden shouted back from the kitchen. "We don't open the door to strangers! Did you finish cleaning up your dolls?"

"Yes!" She lied.

"Go clean up, please," he groaned, then trudged to the front door to look through the side window.

On his stoop was a confounding vision of a human being in a hell of an outfit. Black denim cut off shorts showed off thick muscular thighs and the kind of trim waist Hayden had been chirped at for having when he'd been a rookie. A broad chest was barely covered by a purple crop top that ended an inch below the ribs showing off a toned tanned stomach and a the hint of curvy black tattoo that must've gone from clavicle to chest because there was a peek of it at the neckline too. Lips that were far too plush for a hockey player, but a nose that was exactly right for one. Licks of dark black hair fell into into hazel eyes.

The Centaurs' rookie. Joe Yolen. What. The. Fuck.

Hayden opened the door, wishing he wasn't still wearing his pajamas. With a juice stain down the front of this shirt.

"Can I help you?" He asked.

"Hi, Mr. Pike," the rookie stuck out their hand. There was a big flat rectangular box stuck under their other arm.

"Hi. Yolen, right?"

"Yes!" Yolen smiled at him, showing off a smile that had to have fake teeth in it, they were so white. "I'm sorry to bother you, I know you don't know me very well, but I was the only who was going to be in the area. Coach Wiebe is at the beach, Hollander and Coach Rozanov are already at the cottage. Coach Price said no one was allowed to talk to him for three weeks. "

"What-" Hayden started and then a wail rose up from inside the house. "Shit. I have to get that. Just- come in or whatever."

Sprinting off, Hayden rescued Amber from the high chair, bobbing her up and down in apology. That was when Arthur woke up from his nap with a, "Daddy! Wet!"

And then deeper in the house came a very ominous, "Oopsie!"

"I'm in hell," Hayden muttered.

"I have like five niblings," Yolen said, standing in Hayden's kitchen like they'd been there a dozen times. "Do you want me to hold her?"

"Daddy!" Arthur called again.

"Yes, fine, whatever, don't drop my baby or I'll fucking kill you," Hayden said and set Amber into Yolen's arms. "Watch your fingers, she's a biter."

And then he was racing off to change a diaper and clean up a 'potion' spill in the girls' room and and and and…

By the time he got back to the kitchen, half out of his mind about leaving Amber with a stranger, it was to find Yolen with Amber on their hip, gnawing on one of the cold teething rings they kept in the freezer and talking seriously to Arthur about his toy trains.

"Do they take turns?" Yolen asked as Arthur smashed Percy and Thomas together.

"No!" Arthur laughed.

"That's too bad. Taking turns can be fun."

"Daddy," Jade asked, eyes wide from where she hung off Hayden's back. "Who is that?"

"Uh, good fucking question."

"Swear jar!" Ruby shrieked.

"Yes, you're right, sorry," he sighed heavily, "Yolen these are the twins. The one on my back is Jade and the one on my leg is Ruby. He's Arthur, the baby is Amber. Girls, this is Joe Yolen. Uncle Shane's rookie."

"You guys can call me Joey," Yolen, who was apparently a 'Joey' grinned at the girls.

("The pronouns thing doesn't confuse you?" Hayden has asked Shane after the whole big coming out post. "No?" Shane frowned at him. "People say to call them what they want to be called. Why is that confusing?" "Right. Got it." Hayden said. He did not have it, but he did some googling and maybe got closer.)

"You know Uncle Shane?" Ruby demanded.

"I do. He's pretty great," Joey said. "I'm sorry to interrupt your plans for the morning. I was really just-"

"Daddy!" Jade gasped. "We're going to be late for school."

"No, you're not," Hayden sighed. "It's only-" He glanced at the clock. "Oh god. Okay. All hands on deck. Girls! Shoes and backpacks. I've got your lunches ready. I'll- goddammit."

"Swear jar!" The girls chorused.

"How can I help?" Joey asked.

Which was how Hayden wound up with all four kids somehow in the car all strapped into booster and car seats, ready despite the time crunch and Joey in the passenger seat because there was no way Hayden was leaving the rookie alone in his house.

With the girls dropped off, the chaos dropping to half, Hayden got behind the wheel and glanced at his unexpected passenger.

"Listen, I've got errands to run. Sorry to like…"

"No, I'm sorry," Joey said sincerely with their big doe eyes. "I dropped in on you without notice. Wherever you need to go is fine. I was only killing time today if it wasn't for this. It's cool."

Having a second pair of hands did make Hayden's stops a lot easier. The grocery store was practically on easy mode with someone else to entertain Arthur. Amber slept through most of it and Hayden ticked off the list that he and Jackie kept with long familiarity. When they got back to the house, Joey even got Amber back into her crib somehow while Hayden put away groceries and Arthur ate a late morning snack.

"Do you want to take a shower or something?" Joey offered, reappearing in the kitchen. They were somehow entirely untouched from the chaos of the morning, still clean and giving off a boundless energy.

Hayden felt like pale french fried shit. Nothing was fair. "You telling me I stink, rook?"

"Little bit, Mr. Pike."

"Hayden," he said before he could catch himself. Fuck it. It was fine. What did he care if some random rookie called him by his first name. "You hold my baby, you get first name privileges. I would love a shower. Once he's done eating, he can play in the living room. It's baby-proof, but he needs eyes on him anyway."

"No problem."

Hayden was not going to look a gift shower in the mouth. He ran for it. The hot water was bliss, but he didn't linger, scrubbing himself down and keeping an ear out on the baby monitor in case Amber decided to wake up early. Somewhat rehabilitated into a human, Hayden put on fresh clothes and emerged back into the world.

Joey was sitting on the floor, their crop top riding up even more over impressive abs. They were short for a hockey player, but built like they played defense. From what Hayden could remember, their aim was impressive and they were fast. A small nuke. The hit they'd taken in the last game they'd played together must've done some damage, but they'd skated away grinning like it was a love tap.

"Okay," Hayden said. "I'm mostly a person again if you wanted to tell me why you're actually here."

"Oh, I only came to drop off a package, but I have to stay to watch you open it. That's what I was told, anyway. Is that okay? I feel like I sort of hijacked your day."

"Rook, you probably saved me from laying down on the floor and letting the kids explore anarchy. You can do whatever you want short of burning the house down," Hayden said. "What kind of package?"

"I'll go grab it," Joey said, heading back to the front door and coming back with the box they'd had when they showed up.

Hayden sat down on the couch, ear on the monitor and eyes mostly on Arthur as he accepted it. "This is from who?"

"I'm not supposed to say," Joey said, a sparkle of amusement in their eyes as they sat back down on the floor by Arthur.

"Okay. Great," Hayden sighed. "Rozanov better not have packed this with dead mice or something."

"Why would he do that?" Joey asked, bemused.

"Why does he do anything?"

"Usually either because it's funny or it'll make the team better or it'll get Hollander to pay attention to him. Ideally, all three," Joey said immediately. "We broke it down on a flight two weeks ago. It's pretty simple."

"That sounds right," Hayden conceded.

The box wasn't taped shut which was a mercy. Inside the plain cardboard was a much fancier, glossier black box with an envelope on top. Pike was written on it in blocky lettering. Inside was a typed note.

Pike,

I was very rude. I offered to take you shopping and then didn't get you anything. Please consider this the apology.

I will tell you now there are pros and cons to this. I will be clear about them so you don't whine later.

Cons:

-You will play second line. We're not breaking up a winning formula to make room for you. Suck it up.

-We can't afford to give you the same high salary offers you might get from lesser teams. Blame your bestie for that.

-I will never ever let you get away with being mediocre for one minute of a single game. There's probably a great player in you somewhere and I will draw him out of you whatever it takes.

Pros:

-Shane Hollander

-A locker room that won't drive you to the brink of murder

-WAGs are invited to most team events and they are an amazing group. They have stormed one of the local preschools and the kids would all have placements quickly.

-I won't be forced to come to you personally and spell out why going anywhere else is the dumbest thing I can imagine for you. There will be slides.

-Yolen will be on the line with you. They are also a pain in my ass. You two will get along beautifully.

-Open the box, Pike. You'll like it.

The note was unsigned, but it hardly needed to be. Hayden set it aside and with his heart in his throat, he opened the box. Instead of the stack of paperwork he'd half-expected, he found a black and red Centaurs jersey. His name was already stitched on the back. When he pulled it out, his number was there too. 35. He'd get to keep his number.

Ottawa. He hadn't even let himself think about it, let alone feel even a bit of hope. Even when Joey had turned up this morning, some tiny part of his exhausted brain had said maybe, but he had violently shut it down.

Second line. Rozanov. Not exactly small cons.

But Shane and only moving two hours away and people he knew were decent. He liked Joey. He liked Haas. Ryan seemed decent.

Holy shit. He'd been caught. This had been Rozanov's whole plan! Introducing him to other players, some of the coaching staff, and reminding him how much he loved playing with Shane.

Which was a fucking stupid waste of time because Hayden would've said yes to anything for Ottawa. It was the best he could've hoped for.

"Good?" Joey asked.

Hayden looked up and found a phone trained on him. Joey's phone case had weird cartoon of an egg yolk with eyes and a butt crack sleeping on the white of the egg with a piece of bacon partially pulled over it. That was distracting.

"It's good. Are you taking a video?"

"Part of my instructions," Joey said seriously, but hit something on the screen and dropped it into their lap. "Coach thought Harris might want it for social media. Not now. You know if you say yes to us."

"Right," Hayden said, the jersey still in his hands, wrinkled a bit at the shoulders were he was gripping it hard. Arthur stuck two more Duplo bricks together only a few feet away, entirely unaware their fate was being changed.

"You should say yes," Joey said. "It's a great team. We'll make you feel welcome, I promise."

They were so earnest, it made Hayden ache a little.

"Thanks, rook. You pretty much already did. No wonder Rozanov deputized you. You do actually have something to do in Montreal, right? This wasn't some sting operation where you have to drive home tonight?"

"I really do," Joey laughed. "Promise."

"You know I have to talk to like forty million people and sign a lot of shit before this is a yes, right? I've got a wife and an agent," Hayden said, reminding himself of all that too.

"Yep. I get it. Well, I don't. I haven't dated anyone for longer than a few months, but I get the idea," Joey said, then ducked their head a little. "I should go. I'm out of instructions and I know you're busy."

Hayden watched his son seize a yellow block and carefully smack it into place on a white one. "Hey, if you're enjoying playing au pair, you can stick around for a bit. I miss adult conversation."

"Really?" Joey lit up. "That'd be great, actually. My aunt has work until 5, so I was just going to hang out at her house and there's not much to do there."

"If this is how you want to spend a day of your off season, I'm not stopping you," Hayden decided. "You hungry?"

"Yes."

"Great, hope you like cheese, crackers and carrot sticks."

While he shoved things on plates, Hayden fired off a text to Jackie.

Hayden: Ottawa made an offer. I don't have numbers yet.

Jackie: Who cares about the numbers? Unless they're trying to get you on a discount, we're going.

Hayden: We won't be near your family.

Jackie: Babe, yes we will. Your family is my family. I would love to be near Shane.

Hayden: I've been told the WAGs are nice.

Jackie: I've heard good things. They can't be any worse.

Hayden: True. You won't believe how I found out either. Rozanov sent his rookie.

Jackie: Yolen?

Hayden: Goes by Joey now. Kind of accidentally turned them into a nanny.

Jackie: You didn't!

Feeling only a little guilty, considering Joey's video hijinks, Hayden took a quick discrete picture of Joey, who was obeying Arthur's need for Up in the Air very seriously. It made the crop top ride up higher, revealing more of the sharp black curve of the hidden chest tattoo. Hayden sent it to her.

Hayden: Arthur is smiling!

Jackie: I love you so much. I am not looking at our child in that picture.

Hayden: Babe!

Jackie: We're married, not dead. That is a very hot hockey player.

Hayden: What am I then?

Jackie: The hottest one. But come on. Even you have to admit that is a lot of very attractive person.

Hayden: I guess.

Jackie: Got to go, we're headed out for lunch. I'll see you tomorrow! Miss you!

Hayden: Ok.Miss you. Love you.

Jackie: Love you too.

Joey didn't have any complaints about the pathetic version of lunch Hayden was able to plate up. They weren't much of a complainer in general as far as Hayden could tell. Mostly, they were interested in talking about hockey (great), the kids (easy), and music (in genres out of Hayden's depth, but he was game to try).

"Luca got me into them," Joey concluded after playing Hayden some 'electro-funk' band that made very little sense to him.

"You two are close?" Hayden had gotten Amber up from her nap, but she was content to be worn and watch the world as he cleaned the kitchen. Arthur was by turns stacking cheese cubes and eating them very slowly.

"He's the best friend I have in Ottawa," Joey said with a shy smile. "You'd have no idea he's only lived there for a year. It's like he spent the whole year finding every good place to go for everything. And he speaks like four languages? It's insane."

"He gave me gummy bears, so I guess he's okay in my book too."

Joey laughed harder than needed at that, but Hayden would take it.

"He's got a big sweet tooth. I think it's why Coach still thinks we're both teenagers."

"You're not?" Hayden asked.

"No," Joey said with weary annoyance that meant it came up too often. "I'm older than Luca, actually. Everyone thinks I'm younger because I'm short. I turned twenty-two last week, got recruited out of college."

"Does Rozanov know that?"

"I think he thinks it's funnier if we're kids, so whatever. I let him. He treats us equally on the ice, that's all I care about."

Joey came along again to pick up the girls who were pleasantly surprised by their continued guest. They regaled everyone in the car on every detail of their day, down to the color of glitter they used on their art project which Hayden would soon be vacuuming off the floor in vain.

It wasn't until everyone was back in the house that Hayden got a phone call from his agent.

"We've got an offer in from Ottawa," she said. "I'm going to send you the details. I think we'll get one from Tampa by Monday."

"Oh yeah?" Hayden said.

"And Buffalo, maybe."

"Wow, Buffalo, huh?" he winked at Joey, who gave him a startled smile in return. "That's great."

"Hayden," she said carefully, "I think you should consider what you want your future to look like. You could be the best player in Buffalo."

"The best player in Buffalo," he repeated incredulously. Joey pulled a face.

"You'll make good money. Really get your name out there. You know that Yuna would want that for you. You should loop her in."

Yuna would want him to be with Shane, actually. Hayden knew that because last week she had called him supposedly about a potential CMC deal and then said idly, "I hope Ottawa does the right thing."

"Will do," he confirmed. "Kind of busy right this second. Really gotta go"

"Fine. But consider it! Star player of Buffalo!"

Hayden hung up. "That's what you're competing with, rook. You got anything else to sweeten the deal before I decide to be the best player for Buffalo?"

For a second Joey was silent and maybe Hayden was losing it, but was the kid blushing?

"Bood does really good barbecue?" They squeaked out.

"I do like ribs," Hayden conceded, then heard something go CRACK. "Oh my fucking god, RUBY!"

All told, it was another hour before Joey had a chance to free themselves to go meet up with their family.

"You'll visit soon?" Jade asked, doing her best sweet little face. "I want to play Uno again."

"You're too good at Uno," Joey said. "You beat me so hard. I don't know if I can stand to play again."

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again," she said seriously.

"Wow, yeah good advice," Joey nodded. "Did your Dad tell you that?"

"No," she said as if that was an extremely ridiculous suggestion. "Mommy does. She's really smart."

"Smarter than your Dad?" Joey asked. Little shit.

Jade glanced up at Hayden who sighed, "Tell them the truth, kiddo, it's fine. We all know Mommy is the smart one."

"Mommy is really really smart," she said with authority. "But Daddy gives the best hugs."

"Hey, that's pretty important too," with a solemn nod, Joey extended their fist and then grinned when Jade very seriously fist bumped them and did a little explosion noise.

"In this house, you have to blow it up," Hayden explained. "It's the rule."

"Got it. Good rule."

Joey gave Ruby a fist bump too (her explosion was a little bigger and went on for far longer). Then they booped Arthur gently on the nose and straightened, offering their fist to Hayden.

He bumped his fist against Joey's with a grin. "Thanks for your help today, rook. And playing messenger. Even if you were a sting operation."

"This isn't a spy movie!" Joey protested with a laugh. "Thanks for feeding me and letting me hang out. It was fun. See you soon, Hayden?"

"Yeah, seems likely," he said. Then watched them leave with a weird pang.

The intense chaos of dinner and bedtime stole any time to think from him. Hayden had to bribe the girls with another watch of Moana to buy precious time for Arthur's bath and getting Amber settled for the night in her crib. He watched the last half hour with them half-asleep on the couch, monitor clutched in one hand. Then it was another round of baths and arguing and story time and then…

Then it was quiet.

Whcih meant Hayden started cleaning. After the first two times Jackie had left for trips like these and come home to a disastrous house, Hayden had learned his lesson. It was only relaxing for her to go away if she wasn't coming back to a disaster. So it was another round of laundry, kitchen clean up, living room pickup, and straightening shoes by the front door. By the end, Hayden just went to his bed with phone in hand, not even pretending he was going to stay up past 10.

He had his phone read him the offer from Ottawa, forwarding it to Jackie for whenever she wanted to look at it and then after a moment's thought, to Yuna too. Jackie wouldn't reply, it was just so she had it, but he wasn't surprised that minutes after he'd hit send, Yuna texted him.

Yuna: I know it's not ideal, but I think you should consider it.

Hayden: My agent thinks I should see what Buffalo is offering. Apparently I could be their best player.

Yuna: That is certainly one school of thought.

Ouch.

Hayden: What's your school?

Yuna: The Centaurs are going to win the cup next year. Do you want to maybe be the best player on a team that likely won't see the playoffs or do you want to be on a team that wins and values you even if you're not first line?

Hayden: The second one.

Yuna: Good. You can negotiate the salary a little. Once the contract is signed, I can move on some things. Having you closer will make it easier to do small market promos. Your social media appeal will work better on local businesses than bigger corporations.

Hayden: No Rolex for me?

Yuna: Do you want Rolex?

Hayden: Not really.

Yuna: Good. Let's start with car dealerships and see where we go.

Hayden set his phone down on his charger, next to the monitor and settled in for what would hopefully be an uninterrupted jerk off session and a few hours of sleep.

He was running through his usual mental slideshow of Greatest Hits with Jackie with a good deal of porn mixed in. On this kind of night, he was only gunning for an orgasm so he could get some sleep and hopefully 'quiet' so he wouldn't be running off to take care of someone's needs with self-induced blue balls.

So it was simple. The basics. Sucking on tits, eating Jackie out until she pulled his hair, that one video of a girl doing a reverse cowgirl with her hair flowing all the way down her back to touch the top of her perfect ass.

As he neared the end, an intrusive thought spiked so hard through the tried and true that it was like switching from 720p to 4K.

Joey Yolen's doe eyes and very plush lips looking up at Hayden from their knees, their already naturally tousled hair a wreck from fingers being run through it.

Hayden came so hard his ears rang. He lay there, panting and run over and freaked out for a long minute as come cooled on his hand and stomach.

With terrible post-nut clarity, Hayden had a buckwild thought:

It hadn't been a sting operation.

It had been a fucking honeypot.

Which was insane. Because Hayden was straight. Very straight. The straightest. And faithful. So straight and faithful, he had only slept with one woman in his whole life, a fact that he prayed only Shane knew, but was worried was written all over him.

Sex with Jackie was great. Hayden loved her like crazy. He didn't need to sleep with other women to know that she was best. He didn't want any other women.

He certainly wasn't interested in a muscular pretty rookie, who had followed him around all day for no particularly good reason and was excellent company and helpful and cute. Obviously. It was an anomaly. A blip. An overtired mind at work.

Hayden pulled out some tissues, then got up to wash his hands. Then his face. Then he ducked his whole head under the faucet to cool off. There was too much going on right now to start with this shit. He shoved it in a mental box. locked it, and tossed into the depths of his brain to be roundly ignored.

Getting back in bed, he pulled Jackie's pillow closer and buried his face in the traces of her familiar scent. Tomorrow, they would talk about Ottawa and they'd plan their future. That mattered more than anything else.

Hayden was tired, but his body felt light. He was leaving this house, but maybe, finally, he was taking his family home.

Chapter 2: Steady as she goes

Chapter Summary

Jackie Pike, then and now.

Chapter Notes

I was truly going to write one shots, but your collective enthusiasm for Hayden's awakening gave me pause and the idea really seized me. So this is part two of three, a triptych of POVs. Joey will be the third (pun intended).

Ten Years Ago - Montreal

The pencil tip broke, the graphite streaking down the page to obscure her answer.

"C'mon, Jacks, you have to!" Becky pleaded, shaking Jackie's arm a little. The pencil fell from Jackie's hand and rolled away. "You haven't come out with us in forever!"

"I went with you three weeks ago," Jackie said.

"Oh my god," Tina groaned. "That was for like an hour and you had one drink. You're going to study yourself to death, Pluhowski, come on."

"Finals are in two weeks," Jackie sighed. "I have to ace my physics class or I can't-"

"Then you can't take Introduction to Genius or whatever next semester, we know," Becky said. "But you're already acing it and it's one night, girl. If you never relax, you're gonna crash and burn."

"I will not," Jackie said mutinously, but she was already getting up to the cheers of her roommates.

It had been weeks and exams were a full two weeks away. If Jackie went out with them tonight then they'd back off while she buckled down for finals and then she'd have a real break. At least a long weekend before she had to go home and help with all the things around the house that had broken down in her absence.

She knew the washer was on the fritz and Mom hadn't gotten around to calling anyone yet, so there was that to handle, and George was struggling in math again, so she could tutor him for a few days and try to bring him up to snuff so that his own college applications wouldn't suffer next year. Go shopping with Melissa and make sure she had things that fit properly instead of wearing last year's stuff because no one had driven her to the mall.

And then next quarter and the dreaded start to Calculus and Analytic Geometry, a necessary evil. And then her second season of collegiate level soccer, her first as alternate captain.

And then summer, a job maybe, or more classes or both.

And then next year, if she was lucky, she'd score an alternate captain spot and really launch into the meat of her degree. She'd get George into college. Get Melissa started thinking about it.

And then.

And then.

And then.

"What should I wear?" She asked, keenly aware that would cause a flutter of activity that would distract her.

An hour later, Jackie's makeup was done and she was in Becky's second best black dress, the one with the heart cut out on the back that only hit her mid-thigh. They met up with more of the girls from the team, a flock of bombshells. Jackie scanned them for Flo, and with a mix of regret and relief was glad not to find her there.

Going out could be dangerous. Too many drinks could make you think it was okay to put a hand on a waist. Put lips a little to close to an ear. Maybe you lost your first best friend from college and had to move in with the girls that you both used to be catty about instead of rooming together.

Maybe you broke your own heart a little, but there was no time to worry about all that.

Instead, Jackie let herself be swallowed up and started gaming out the night in her head. A drink at the start to loosen up, prove that she was in the moment with everyone else. Some dancing, one of the shots someone would inevitably buy to loosen up a little. The rest, Jackie would pass on to Becky, who had the highest tolerance of the group.

A half hour after that, Jackie would buy a round for everyone to show willingness, drink a sip of her own, ditch the rest. More dancing. Then it would be 2 AM and she could make her tired excuses to go back to her room without anyone giving her too much grief. She was already the The Good Girl. The Nerd. No one cared if she played to type as long as she wasn't a downer.

The club was awful, it was always awful. Tacky-floored and screamingly loud. Jackie moved in her pack, following them to the bar, plan continuing apace as she threw back a muli-colored shot that tasted like medicine.

"Come dance," Becky said and they went to flail together on the floor. It wasn't so bad.

Jackie had come to love Becky and Tina a little. Without Flo to bounce her distaste off, Jackie realized they were simply bubbly people without much drive. They were fun and liked Jackie a lot, made her feel at home in their shared space, even though they teased her about her studiousness. She could dance with them and buy a round of drinks. They were nice. Kind in their own way.

"Holy fuckballs!" Tina grabbed Jackie's wrist. "Aren't those the hockey boys you're obsessed with, Jacks?"

"I'm not obsessed with them. I just like to watch hockey," Jackie protested as she always did. Sure some of them were hot as hell, but Jackie had grown up watching hockey. It was soothing to have the commentary wash over her while she ground through equations

"Whatever, that super cute one who's like seven feet tall is over there," Tina hissed.

"You mean Kincaid?" Jackie asked and followed Tina's gaze.

Kincaid, one of the best defense players in the league, stood a full head above anyone else. Beside him, other Montreal players swaggered in, sure of their reception as local heroes with the way they'd been winning. Jackie recognized Clatch and Rhodes, second liners that had been on the team for a few seasons. But behind them was:

"That's Shane Hollander."

"The cute one?"

"They're all cute!"

A calm washed over Jackie. A certainty. She finished her drink and set it on the nearest surface. Then she started walking. Dimly, she was aware that Becky and Tina were in her wake, squealing over the change in her demeanor.

Her confidence didn't fade even as she got closer and other girls started swarming the group. She wasn't there to hit on anyone. She only wanted to tell Hollander how much she liked watching him play. Rookie or not, he was clearly the team's star this season and she cheered him on, hoping that his success at eighteen could be hers too, in a way.

The music changed over, the beat picking up. It throbbed through Jackie, building her surge in confidence. Hollander was hunched over his drink, ignoring Kincaid, who's voice boomed even over the music. If Hollander was listening to anyone, it was to the guy next to him.

Who was that? Jackie took another few steps and his face snapped into focus in the dark. Pike. Right wing to Hollander's center. Decent player, reliable, another rookie, who faded a little in Shane's presence. On her screen, Pike had always been small, never brought up into focus like Hollander.

That was a shame, Jackie realized as she finally closed in.

Because Pike was just about the prettiest man she'd ever seen. Stubbled jawline not hiding the youth of his face, carefully tended hair, and his club gear little more than a clean t-shirt and jeans. Hollander must've said something because Pike started laughing, his face breaking into a sunny smile that reached right into Jackie and shook her.

Look at me, she pleaded as she took those last few steps. Look up.

And to her shock, Pike's gaze went from Hollander to her. His eyes widened and his smile faded into something else entirely.

"Hi," Jackie said and instead of introducing herself or the thousand other things she could've done, she simply blurted, "Do you want to dance?"

Pike frowned and gestured at Hollander as if to say you mean him, right?

He was so fucking cute Jackie might actually bite him. She held out her hand to him. "You. I want to dance with you."

Hollander took a sip of his drink, apparently unbothered by this tacit rejection (relieved, Jackie would learn years and years later). Pike reached back and took her hand. She led him onto the dance floor.

"Jackie," she shouted as they came together, not yet touching, but close enough that she could catch a whiff of the drink on his breath and the sharp spike of abundant deodorant.

"Hayden!" He shouted back.

Everything about him was so bright. The smile, the eyes, the crisp whiteness of his t-shirt and his teeth. He wasn't a great dancer, but she didn't care, he was willing and when she slid in closer, he caught her around the waist and asked, "Is this okay?"

"Yes," she said, heat pooling in her stomach at how far his hands spanned on her. Thumb under her ribs, pinky at her waist. He was taller than her, a few important inches because she wasn't a particularly short person.

They got closer together with every song, until Jackie had her hands around his neck and he was breathing hard against her lips. "Can I?"

She kissed him, smearing pale pink lipstick between them as the hot brand of his erection seared through his jeans and her dress. This wasn't Jackie. This wasn't who she was or what she did. Her high school boyfriend had done everything the clean way, the right way. Asked her out for a movie date. Held her hand. They made out in his car for precisely ten minutes before her 'curfew'. They went further in sensible increments until she left for college and broke it off, preventing the inevitable.

"You're so beautiful," Hayden said like it stunned him.

"You're really hot," she said, palming his shoulder blades. Men didn't like to be called pretty, she knew, so she held that behind her teeth.

It was attraction, visceral and thick enough that she salivated a little. Jackie recognized it, but not in this shape. Not in it's surety. She had never ground her hips into someone like this, her intentions as obvious as a neon sign. Hayden practically panted in her ear and asked with broken words, "Do you want to come back to my place?"

Usually it was Jackie who took down numbers and addresses, who eyed up sweaty-palmed assholes who wanted to drag one of the girls back to their laundry-strewn apartments. Jackie was the sensible one, the cockblock, the designated driver.

She was owed a turn.

"Yes," she said without hesitation. "Where?"

"It's a five minute walk," Hayden said, eyes wide like he had not expected any kind of agreement.

"Let me tell my friends I'm leaving," she said regretfully and kissed him again. "Don't find someone else while I'm gone."

"Are you crazy?" he might've said, but it was hard to hear over the music.

When she parted from him and looked over her shoulder, he was tracking her, tongue tracing over his lips like he could still taste her lipstick there. She shivered and found Becky grinding up against one of the other players. Some beefy ape that Jackie didn't bother identifying.

"I'm going home with Hayden Pike," she told her.

"What?" Becky gasped. "Jacks! Really?"

"Don't make a thing of it," Jackie pleaded. "I'll see you in the morning?"

"I want details!" Becky said. "All of them, okay?"

"Pike?" The guy said. "Fucking really? A smokeshow like you? C'mon, stick around, darling. You can do better."

Jackie didn't respond, she was already scanning the room, Hayden was not where she'd left him. Her heart pounded restless in her chest. Had he found someone else already?

But no, he'd only migrated back to Hollander like he was telling him the same thing. Don't wait up. See you tomorrow. Hollander's face was calm, he only shrugged and said something else that made Hayden laugh. Jackie wanted to make him laugh. She wanted all his attention right then.

When she stepped back in close to him Hayden's arm went around her shoulders with a gasp of relief. "Thought I lost you out there."

"No," she said and snuggled in. And since she was there, might as well tick something off her forgotten to-do list. "You're Shane Hollander, right?"

"Yes," Hollander eyed her warily. Hayden wilted a little beside her.

"Glad you're on our side," she said. "I like watching the two of you play together."

"You do?" Hayden asked. "I didn't think you-"

"I know who you are, Pike," she glanced up at him and he stared back at her. "No man wins games alone. Even him."

"He could," Hayden said, distractedly. "You wanna go? We can go."

"Yes," she said immediately. "Good night, Hollander. Nice to meet you."

"Sure. Good night," Hollander said.

It was a cool night and Hayden kept his arm around her uncovered shoulders as they stepped out into it. Instead of sobering her up, Jackie only felt dizzier with possibility. They walked, her tucked against him down the the street, the noise of the club slowly retreating.

"Did you win?" Jackie asked. "I didn't get to watch the game tonight."

"Yeah,' Hayden said. "That's why we came out."

"You go out every time you win a game?"

"No." He paused at the corner, checking for oncoming cars. "This was the first time Hollander agreed to go, so I went too. If you're the only rookie on a night out, it's not fun."

Hayden might be a good friend. That was nice. Loyalty was important. Did she care about that? Was she going to have a one night stand right now? A shiver went over her and Hayden rubbed her arm a little.

"I never understand how girls go out on cold nights wearing almost nothing."

"You don't have a coat either," she said.

"Yeah, but I run at like a million degrees. Can't you feel it?"

She could, actually. Warmth poured off, a pleasant counter to the cooling evening air. "Yeah, you're a furnace. See? This is why we wear small dresses, so hot guys will keep us warm."

"You really think I'm hot?" Hayden asked and it was painfully earnest that Jackie could only cling to him harder.

"Yes. Do you think I'm hot?"

"You might be the hottest woman I've ever met," he said, voice dropping down low.

She didn't care if it was bullshit. The way he said it sounded good and she wanted to roll around in it.

The walk really was only a few minutes and then he was taking her into an older brick building, through a lobby with a line of mailboxes and into an elevator. They both laughed nerouvsly as the silence descended and he fidgeted with the keys in his pocket a little.

"It's easier with all the music and lights," she admitted.

"Yeah," he said roughly. "It is. I don't have strobes in the apartment, sorry about that."

"I'm impressed you have an apartment at all. I'm in a dorm. If it was on me, we'd be on a tiny bed, hoping my roommate doesn't come back."

"It's a 'for now' place," Hayden said. "I didn't really have time to look so when the relocation office said they had a few places, I just took the first one on the list. Who knows if I'll still be in Montreal next year?"

"Oh wow, yeah." The elevator doors opened to a quiet corridor of identical doors. "That must be weird. Knowing you could be moved around."

"I hope I get a few years in. I really like it here. Are you from Montreal?"

"I came here for school. I grew up in Toronto," she said.

It was all very nice. All very polite as he got the door open. Jackie braced herself, all too aware of the state a man's housekeeping could be in. What greeted her was not the horror she had expected, but a sad sort of emptiness. It was a small one bedroom and the living room had no furniture, except for a card table and two folding chairs. The kitchen was clean, except for a few dishes in the sink. There was nothing on the walls. A single box still unpacked by the front door. Someone has scribbled on it 'Bedroom'.

"I haven't really had a chance to…" he trailed off awkwardly, tossing his keys and walled on the end of the counter. "I'm not here very much."

Jackie nodded, "Yeah, I get it."

They stared at each other, all the easy heat from the club evaporating. Jackie bit her lip and felt very naked all of a sudden, only in the little dress and her wedges. Her makeup was starting to feel heavy on her face.

"I-" she started then stopped.

Hayden swallowed hard, "I don't really do this. I don't want you to think that-"

"I've never done this," she blurted out.

"Oh thank fuck, me either," his shoulders dropped in relief and he huffed out a little nervous laugh. "Do you want to just make out or something for awhile?"

"I would love that," she said with some relief. She knew how to make out. That was doable.

His bedroom was small, but there wasn't enough in it to make it feel crowded. A full-size bed without a headboard and a chest of drawers, practical and plain. There was a hamper that was being used which was nice. The bed had blue sheets and two pillows. The comforter was striped blue and white. The window was cracked, letting in the cool night air.

Hayden sat down on the edge of the bed and gave her another one of those pretty smiles. Maybe Jackie could sit next to him, but that would give them both a neck ache.

Anyway, despite the sudden awkwardness, Jackie did still want him. Badly. Because of the awkwardness a little. She'd never liked the assumptive certainty of men who thought they could grab and have. The way they took and expected their due. Hayden's wide eyed appreciation as she stepped closer filled her with a calm power.

Jackie took off her shoes and left them by his bedroom door. Then she planted one knee beside Hayden's thighs. He tipped his head back to look up at her, lips parting to say something. She kissed him instead, dropping her hands onto his shoulders. He bore her weight easily, putting a hand on her waist to help steady her as the kiss went on and on.

It was harder without the music and the darkness, but it was so much better too. When he grew bolder, his hands sweeping over her back, fingertips tracing her skin through the heartshaped cut out, fire caught again and Jackie wanted.

Hesitantly, she got her hands under Hayden's t-shirt. He had a sparse trail of hair over his stomach and the catch of it under her fingertips made him real to her. When she pushed up, he quickly got the hint and leaned back to pull off his shirt. Beneath it, there was firmness almost everywhere. No romance novel twelve-pack, no rippling muscle, but she felt the power of him, the way there was so little give anywhere she touched. Maybe he wasn't as big as some of the guys he'd come to the club with, but Hayden was strong all over.

"Where can I touch you?" he asked in a whisper.

"Everywhere," she said and with all the bravery she could summon, she pulled the dress up and over her head, letting it fall somewhere behind her.

Her bra had not been meant for public consumption, plain and beige. If Hayden was disappointed, it didn't show in the way he trailed his fingertips over her clavicle, his other hand still locked around her hip like she might topple backwards. Before she could say a word, he bent his head and follow the trajectory of his fingers, kissing her chest.

"Oh," she breathed out and decided this was a man that could absolutely have more.

Reaching behind, she unclasped her bra. Hayden drew back as the straps went loose, looking a little dazed.

"Can I?"

"Yes.'

And from there, it was one 'Can I?' after another, volleyed back and forth from both of them.

Hayden lapped his tongue over her left nipple as she writhed in his lap, hands buried in his hair. When a moan broke through her lips unbidden, he pulled back to look up at her with startled reverence and she had to kiss him again and again.

They fell to the mattress and Hayden rolled away to pull off his jeans, tangled momentarily then huffing a laugh of triumph when he was finally free. Powerful legs that matched the rest of him encouraging her to grab hold of his thighs as he knelt between her obscenely spread legs, practical cotton panties soaked so obviously through.

His hands spanned her breasts, weighted heavy in his palms. She tugged down his boxers and his cock, eager as the rest of him, sprang free. Her high school boyfriend's dick had been a creature of shadows, something felt rather than seen. Perfunctory handjobs that left her unmoved and him a panting mess had been the regular thing. In the soft light of Hayden's only lamp, Jackie took in the length and and shining head of Hayden's cock and was seized by the sudden and intense desire to have that in her mouth.

Can I? Yes. Can I? Yes. Can I? Will you? I want. Please. Please. Please.

Jackie sucked a cock for the first time flat on her back, Hayden feeding it between her lips with a broken animal sound. It was messy and bad, she was sure, but he pulled away with a bright red flush barely a minute in.

"I don't want to choke you," he said. "I'm so- sorry. It's too fast."

Jackie had no idea what speed was right. Instead of upset, she had a flush of pride. She had undone him with so little effort, left this strong man shaky and apologetic in seconds with just her lips and tongue.

"That's okay," she said.

His hands slid down her chest to hook at the band of her underwear.

Can I? Yes. Can I? Please. I want. I want.

Naked before him, Jackie felt the intensity of his stare and then watched as he dropped down and down, slid his hands under her thighs and parted them with determination.

His tongue laved over her and struck gold. Jackie arched up into him with a sharp cry.

"Like that," she said. "More…please…"

And he gave and he gave. Jackie had never come over lackluster fingerings giving with little energy in return for her own efforts. Time to take care of herself seemed impossible, stolen moments in communal rooms suddenly emptied all she managed. A vibrator was not something she could own in a bedroom shared with a sister and now two other girls. Too dangerous, too much of a statement about the kind of woman she might be under her highlights and goals.

Hayden didn't know all that or care. He seemed to have found a place of divine sanctuary between her thighs and when she came with a wildcat scream, shaking apart under him, he didn't even stop. Like he knew he could get something else out of her, the sobbing cry of too much and not enough until she had her hand in his hair and pulled.

"Ow," he said with a grin that shone with her pleasure.

"How are you so good at that?" she demanded.

"I am?" Hayden licked his lips.

"Yes!"

"Awesome," he beamed and surged up to kiss her. It tasted weird. She didn't give a single solitary fuck.

It was like Jackie had been asleep for years and she had woken up to this gorgeous filthy prince kissing her. Despite everything, she wanted more, so much more.

"Do you have condoms?" she asked.

"I- yeah. Yes! Hold on!"

His incredible warmth left her, but it was worth it to watch his cute little ass flex as he rifled through his drawers and pulled out a box with a triumphant 'ha!'. It landed near her head as he got back on the bed. An unopened three-pack. Jackie carefully slid it open and pulled out the shiny foil squares.

It was the first time she'd ever really touched one, the almost obscene roll of a plastic ring in squishy lube making her stomach roil.

"We don't have to," Hayden said quickly, seeing her face change. "Really."

"It's okay," she said and handed it to him. "I want to."

"Fuck, me too," he said and there was that anxious little laugh again.

She didn't want him to be anxious or afraid. Not of her, not for her. She reached for him and kissed him again. It soothed her own fluttering heart too.

"I haven't really done this before either," she told him, preparing herself for the worst. But it felt more wrong not to say.

Hayden gazed at her, their faces only a few inches apart. He nodded once, jerky. "I- fuck. Me either."

"Really?"

"There wasn't ever a good time," he said hurriedly. "I wanted- I had a- fuck."

"It's okay," she said and smiled at him. "So neither of us know if the other person is screwing up, right?"

He went quiet and then smiled, "Yeah. I guess so."

They did not, Jackie decided, screw up. It was fast, but that was okay, Jackie was already buzzing so much and it did hurt a little, so she didn't think she could go that long anyway. But she got to watch Hayden's face as he slid slowly into her, his mouth open, eyes wide, hair pulled in every direction, and his arms flexing as he held himself up with her legs around his waist.

It brought them so close together. Their bodies were joined from lips to groin, moving in unison for a singular goal. It was running down the field with the ball, certain of a goal as she made the pass.

They were, for a moment, a team.

He came like it was a shock, eyes shuttering, body shaking a little. She held him through it and then he was pressing down over her, kissing her neck, her face, her shoulder as she ran her hands over his back.

The withdrawal was the drop. The sudden reminder that they were two different people and strangers at that. Hayden stretched out beside her. It was awkward and uncomfortable. Jackie wanted to curl up and hide, tucking all the good feeling of moments before away for later perusal. Maybe she should leave. The idea sent dread through her.

"Wow," he said suddenly. "Um..wow. You're like…wow."

She couldn't help it, she started to giggle at this incoherence. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize!" he said, grinning at her. "You have the cutest laugh I've ever heard."

"My sister says I sound like a chipmunk," she said.

"Fuck her, man, it's a great laugh," Hayden said and turned on his side to look at her. "Can you stay? I want you to stay."

"Yes," she said immediately, all thoughts of discomfort gone. "I want to."

The bathroom was necessary first though. It was tiny: sink, toilet and stall shower all huddled together. It wasn't filthy though so that was nice. On the sink, there was a cluster of product, hair gel and shaving cream. What she wanted was to pull something on, to hide a little from the chill and vulnerability of nudity, but her underwear was still damp and unpleasant, the dress uncomfortable without a bra.

"Do you want something to sleep in?" he asked when she slunk out, shoulders hunched.

He was in the kitchen, fridge open and staring at her frankly over the top of the door, eyes hungry on her body.

"Yes, please. What are you doing?"

"I'm starving," he said, pulling out a carton of eggs. "We played a full game and then didn't really eat dinner. Do you like scrambled eggs?"

He gave her one of his t-shirts and a pair of shorts with a drawstring that when pulled to their tightest fit her enough not to fall off. She felt drowned in his things, the sharp smell of cheap detergent sending pleasant shivers through her.

They sat at the card table, one plate between them, warring plastic forks over mountains of buttery curds of cheesy egg.

"You're in school?" he asked like this was a crazy feat.

"I'm going to be an architect," she said.

"Holy shit, really?" He leaned in. "Like design buildings and stuff?"

"Eventually. Right now I just take physics classes and cry," she admitted. "I have these prereqs that I have to do."

"What's that?" he asked.

She learned that he had finished high school by the skin of his teeth, too focused on hockey and not a very good student to begin with.

"Not for me," he shrugged. "I tried because it mattered to my mom. Made sure I graduated, you know? I guess if I didn't get drafted, I would've tried for a college team."

"You must be really good. I mean, I know you are," she said. "You're doing crazy good with assists already."

"That's me," he said cheerfully. "Assisting."

He told her about his hometown, small and out of the way of most cities. The kind of place that only existed to the people that lived there, forgotten about by everyone else. He'd been the best hockey player in school by a long shot than instantly humbled when he was drafted.

"I went in thinking I'd be the big man, you know? And like five minutes in, I'm praying I don't wind up getting sent home. It was crazy."

"Oh god, yeah!" she let her fork clatter down to the plate. "I was valedictorian of my school and the first day of class here, some guy started talking to me about astrophysics and it was like he was speaking another language. I wanted to die!"

He wasn't monosyllabic like some of her friends' boyfriends. He didn't talk over her. If anything, he listened like she was preaching to him, leaned in and attentive. He said some stupid shit, but so did she. Who cared? They were stupid right then, up too late and drunk on their own daring.

Eventually the eggs were gone and they went on talking as they climbed into his bed. The mattress was a little too firm and it was cold with the window open, but when she tentatively drew closer to him, he wrapped her up in his arms, banishing the chill. They were still talking, increasingly loopy nonsense until between one word and the next, Jackie fell asleep.

The morning smelled like coffee. He was in bed next to her, sitting up with a mug in his hands and staring down at her like he couldn't believe she was there.

"Hi," she said shyly, aware her makeup must've smeared all over her face and her breath was awful. God only knew what her hair was doing.

"Hi," he said. "Do you want coffee?"

"Yes, please."

He didn't have any milk left, which left him pink in the cheeks, but there was sugar and he made her toast and they ate it standing up over the sink, taking shy glances at each other.

"I'm off today," he said.

Jackie thought about her study plans, the gym visit she should make. The grind that would come from a single day out of place.

In the light of day, she discovered his eyes were a bright blue. His stubble had come in a little more overnight, showing off his jaw to even better effect. There was a tiny pink mark over his left pec. Had she bitten or scratched him? She thought she might've. There was a bruise on his shin, deep purple, but that was from the game. It was hot too, this mark of how hard he played.

She met those bright, bright eyes and said, "Me too."

They spent the day in bed, learning new things. About bodies, about each other. Jackie remembered that learning could be fun. That discovery could make her laugh. The physics of straddling his hips and riding him slow while he clung to her like she might drift off made far more sense to her than any equation.

She only went back to her dorm to pack an overnight bag. On her way out, Becky and Tina teased her and shoved condoms in her bag like party favors. She hugged them gratefully, blissfully unaware that it was the end of an era with them, their paths diverging.

Day after day, Jackie moved out of her old life and into Hayden's. He invited her in, relieved by every small part of his life she took over. Jackie learned that he had been the man of the house since he was twelve, his father's painfully slow death setting weight after weight on his strong shoulders, so his mother would suffer a little less. Every time Hayden came back and found the laundry already done or dinner made, he kissed her like she was a miracle. No one had thanked her for those things in so long that Jackie had forgotten they were something she did out of love instead of the machinery of who she was as a person.

Maybe she had never really done them out of love before. She felt it first. She knew that. The swooping devotion to him illogical, yet as real as calculus.

Hayden said it first though, arms wrapped around each other as they watched New Year's fireworks. He had opened his coat as she shivered in hers and wrapped it around her, pulling her into his warmth. He whispered right in her ear so she couldn't miss it over the noise of the rooftop party. She said it back between kisses. He was freshly 19 and she had a month left to go. So what?

Jackie knew what she knew, her certainty a spear through the earth. Fireworks cascaded loud and bright above them, but the only thing Jackie was looking at was her man. The strong beam that she intended to build her life around. Maybe she wouldn't be an architect, but Jackie knew a strong foundation when she saw it.

August - Ottawa

"Babe, you want coffee?"

"Yes," Jackie said without opening her eyes. "Whose up?"

"Just me and Art," Hayden's lips brushed over her cheek. "Think maybe we should move once a month if it makes them all sleep like this."

"No," she groaned and he laughed quietly. "What time is it?"

"Seven thirty. When you asked for. I can let you sleep longer if you want."

"No, too much to do," she sighed and opened her eyes.

Hayden was leaning over her, smiling a little, sleep still in his eyes too. But he was happy and she could've cried. She had missed his easy smiles so much.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said.

"Good morning, handsome," she said and sat up enough to kiss him, closed mouthed and grateful.

He cupped her cheek, his hands so familiar on her face that it was like it had molded to his palm.

"Stay here, I'll get coffee and the kid. We can wait them out in here."

That was exactly what she wanted. She kissed him again, then pushed him off to get going and he winked at her, strutting off like he'd really done something. Somehow, they had scrapped up the energy to have sex last night for the first time in weeks. Jackie felt it in her core and she loved how it made Hayden gloat like he'd scored with a supermodel.

He returned dozy minutes later, Arthur in one arm, two travel mugs barely contained in his other hand.

"Figured without the bedside tables, this was safer," he said and passed her one. It had the Metros logo on it and she covered it with her palm. His was plain, at least.

"Mama," Arthur said, baby grin in place. Already he was leaving behind behind toddler chub, taking after Hayden's leanness. He was long for a two year old, made longer by the way his hair stuck straight up all the time as if he'd just been cartoon startled.

"Good morning, my sweet boy," she said, accepting coffee and sun so Hayden could get back into bed. Arthur cuddled up, head on her chest.

"He ate already," Hayden said with a yawn and dropped his head on her shoulder, so she was quickly warm and a little sticky with it. She nuzzled into Hayden's hair, kissed the top of his head. He needed a shower, but so did she. "Bananas and yogurt drops."

"Yum yum," she said. "Was that good?"

"I like breakfast," Arthur said content. "Daddy give me big cup!"

"One of the other travel mugs," Hayden admitted. "I just rinsed them out from the van. I have no idea where the kitchen stuff is. I fed him out of the cooler."

"That's why we packed it," she reminded him, even as she started mentally sorting through boxes.

Their furniture had been delivered ahead of them, but lots of it had wound up in odd places, nothing quite where it needed to be. Everyone had had beds last night, at least, but the bedding had been touch and go as they got in far too late to dig through the box piles to find the right things.

In bed last and late, Hayden and Jackie had slept under the blanket they stored in the car for emergencies. It had a weird stain on it that Jackie was not questioning right now.

"How did you make coffee?" Jackie asked as she sipped it.

"You marked the box 'COFFEE UNPACK FIRST'," Hayden said amused. "I figured it out from there."

"Oh thank god that worked," she said and took a sip. He was good with coffee usually. "Why is this so bitter?"

"No milk, sorry. The girls drank the last of it last night, I think."

"Right," she groaned. "We have to go grocery shopping. Somewhere. Did Shane-"

"He shared a spreadsheet with us last week of every possible store in a ten kilometer radius and rated them based on…I actually no idea, but he said you'd know. He knows you're his soulmate in Excel."

"We moved to Drive last year, babe."

"Sorry," Hayden grinned as if she was very very funny.

Amber babbled over the monitor.

"I'll get her," Jackie deposited Arthur next to Hayden.

The kids all had their own bedrooms in the new house which the twins had been elated by and Jackie had felt a little sad about. As much as she had always resented her sister in her space, there had been something close and nice about it too. None of the bedrooms were big, but with only the crib and a few toys unpacked, Amber was lost in the pale yellow room, a tiny thing sitting up and clutching at her blankie.

"Good morning, duck," Jackie said.

Amber babbled at her happily, holding up her arms. With rapidity born of practice, Jackie changed a wet diaper, tossing it in the only garbage bag in the house which was unfortunately in the kitchen. Couldn't be helped. Back in the bedroom, she found Hayden flat on his back, Arthur sitting on his chest, riding up and down as he took exaggerated breaths. Amber seized the bottle Jackie had hastily prepared, content to lay down on Jackie's thighs to drink it as Jackie matched energy by sucking down her coffee.

Jade was next, wandering in, her braid a mess of escaped strands. She pulled herself up on the bed, face planted momentarily than rolled onto her back, her head smashed against Hayden's thigh.

"Can we have cheesy eggs for breakfast?" she asked plaintively.

"Not this morning, sweetheart," Jackie said. "We have cinnamon buns to microwave though."

"Yay!"

The cheer stirred Amber, who side-eyed her sister with such unexpected maturity that Jackie had to stifle a laugh. Jade started recounting of the moose she swore she had spotted on their drive. She continued largely uninterrupted for five whole minutes until Ruby appeared in the doorway, her braid in even further shambles, took an accounting of the configuration of the bed. Undaunted by Hayden's warning 'Careful now', she took off running.

To Ruby's credit, she did tuck up and land mostly in the remaining empty space and only a little with her pointy elbows in Jackie's shin.

"Ow,"Jackie said sharply.

"Sorry, mommy!"

The hard won peace disintegrated shortly thereafter and the race for productivity against the tide of children's needs began. Hayden began moving boxes into correct rooms and Jackie prioritized the most needful things, beginning with the bathrooms. Their old house had only had two bathrooms which had been fine, but with Arthur nearly toilet trained was becoming a little tricky timing wise. Now they had three, but Jackie was short bathroom mats and shower curtains, things that would have to be purchased piecemeal over the coming weeks.

"Shane is coming over with lunch," Hayden ducked his head around the door, Amber strapped to his chest. "I've got the girls 'unpacking' some of their toys, it's a mess, but I figured better that than them being underfoot or plugged into their tablets."

"Okay, babe. I think we'll need to do something fast for dinner too. Promise I'll get to the grocery store tomorrow."

"Jacks, it's fine. It's not a normal time, so we don't have to stress about normal food."

"Training camp is in two weeks. You need-"

"Hey, hey," Hayden said. He stepped in and brought her into a half-hug, avoiding stepping on Arthur who was banging his plastic giraffe against the bathtub experimentally. "Don't worry about me, Jacks, okay? We'll be okay. Everything is okay."

"If you say so" she took in a breath and let it out slowly. "I just want us all to have a good start here."

"We will," he kissed her temple. "Don't you feel it? It's already good."

She wasn't sure what she felt except for a low tide of panic at having to reassert schedules and rituals in a new place.

A half-hour later, she was sorting through a box that she was sure Hayden had packed and it was good thing he'd just been very sweet or she would be racking him over the coals for the random assortment he had apparently shoveled in there. The sound of the doorbell startled her, a new sound to get used to. It was nice though, a pleasant chime.

"I'll get it!" she shouted to prevent the stampede of feet. She took down her bun and redid it hurriedly so maybe she'd look a fraction less sweaty.

She'd assumed Shane would bring Ilya with him, so the sound of voices didn't surprise her as she approached. When she opened the door though, she found an entire crowd. Shane and Ilya were at the front of it holding two heavy looking bags a piece. Behind them were an array of faces, some vaguely familiar and some entirely strange.

"Hi," she said, pasting on a smile.

"Hello, Jackie," Ilya said and stepped up to kiss her cheek which was very sweet. "We are sorry not to warn you, but we say you are moving in today and the entire fucking circus shows up."

"Oh," she said. "I can't entertain anyone today, I'm so sorry-"

"Not here for entertainment!" A beautiful woman with hundreds of microbraids and a fantastic pink-striped romper spoke up. "We've all moved a dozen times between us in the last few years, so we came to help. I'm Cassie, and this is my husband, Bood."

Bood had a tiny baby in a sling across his chest that looked even tinier against his massive chest. "Nice to meet you. Sorry to invade. Uh, let's see, this is Chouinards, Selena and Nick, and the Hayes, Lisa and Wyatt. That was a good grab cause Dr. Lisa here is almost always on call, but she's free today. Hazy has to come with her, sorry for him."

"Hey now," Hayes laughed. "I promise we're here to be helpful!"

"And then the rooks tagged along because they have no lives," Bood gestured behind him.

"Not rookies anymore!" Someone said indignantly.

"I turned down brunch for this," said someone else, very amused.

"I- yes. Come in?" Jackie took a step back, overwhelmed and flustered, wishing she was in something nicer than a pair of cut off sweatpants and one of Hayden's ancient t-shirts tied in a knot to the side like she was still sixteen.

They streamed in, gathering in the living room.

"Jackie, who-" Hayden emerged from Jade's bedroom. "Holy shit."

"Swear jar," Shane said.

"You swear jar," Hayden snapped. "Why is there an army here?"

"Joey!" Jade said happily, swarming around Hayden's legs and pitching herself into the crowd. "Come see my room first!"

"Hey, kiddo. Wait. Which one are you?" a warm voice asked."No, don't tell me…freckle under the left eye means Jade, right?"

"Yeah!" She said triumphantly.

Apparently the outfit that Joey Yolen had chosen to sport to gift her husband a jersey was not out of the ordinary for them. No crop top today, but there was a neon pink t-shirt with such a wide neck that it dropped off one shoulder like an 80s aerobics instructor. If the instructor had been a knock out. Their shorts were very very short and impossibly impeccably white against lightly tanned skin.

"We're here to help," someone…Selena, maybe? said gently. "The first day is always the worst. We shook down Hollander and Rozanov for intel and we bought you groceries that should get you through the next few days. Lots of pantry staples too. Cassie, Bood and me cooked you some dinners that just need to go into the oven. There's post-its on each of them with directions. We figured everyone must be hungry by now so we have a sandwich platter, paper plates and plastic ware. A few different drinks and some extra garbage bags to get rid of it all."

"Once we eat, we heard you've got some furniture to move," Luca Haas, dressed in boxy normal clothes said. "And boxes to unpack. I am very very good with boxes."

"I've got the kids with Coach," Joey said, already being led down the hall byt a determined Jade. "You can concentrate on getting everything where it needs to go."

"Oh," Jackie said faintly.

"You are in terrible prison," Ilya said solemnly to Amber, ignoring Hayden's glare. "Strapped to your father like forgotten backpack? No good. Come to me, malyshka."

Somehow, within five minutes, Jackie was sitting in between Cassie and Lisa on her wrongly placed couch, eating an amazing sandwich while all of her children were being fed and watered. Hayden had been boxed in by Hayes and Bood, holding his own plate with hungry defensiveness.

On the floor, Ilya and Joey had set up a table made of an upturned emptied box. The girls were enjoying this makeshift situation and the adult attention so much that they were both actually eating without complaint.

"You really didn't have to," Jackie said bewildered.

"Are you kidding? We're so happy you're here," Cassie said . "Last year all the new players were single, we've been dying for someone new to bother. We'll add you to the group chat. It's chatty, but there's no pressure. Lisa never says anything."

"Busy," Lisa said around a mouthful of roast beef.

"She is," Cassie laughed. "And I'm up at weird hours with the baby, so ignore any 3am texts."

"I know about that," Jackie said.

"Girl, we know. What a family! They're all so cute too," Serena said. She reminded Jackie dimly of her college friends, all clean edges and a perky ponytail. "Did they tell you get school enrollment all straightened out? It's a really great kindergarten and my Marie is in third grade this year, I'll tell her to keep an eye open for the twins."

"That would be nice," Jackie said, head spinning with it all.

To her shock, the announced plan was the one enacted. As soon as food was consumed, there was a whirlwind of activity that ended with all the garbage already out on the curb and their kitchen well-stocked under her bemused guidance.

"Tell us where you want the couch!" Bood boomed and then brawny arms were set to furniture, everything landing more or less where it was wanted.

From there Jackie was assigned 'manager' by Lisa, and she went from room to room, pointing to where boxes should be unpacked while Hayden played clean up behind her, answering questions about smaller items. The girls pitched in far more helpfully under Serena's gentle guidance, getting their rooms under control. Joey and Rozanov had made a base camp in Arthur's room and every time she walked by, both of her younger children were well-entertained.

"I've got a list for you," Shane appeared at her elbow as she did another circuit and overheard the hanging of the television, Wyatt and Hayden having some kind of happy-sounding argument about it.

"What kind?" she asked.

"Things that you need to buy in the next few weeks in order of priority. After everyone else leaves, maybe we can sit down and nail through some of it, get an Amazon order in."

Shane was not inclined to hugs and Jackie always respected that, asking the rare time she thought it necessary one occur, but today she was too cooked to think and she threw her arms around him. Instead of standing still and taking it, he actually hugged her back. A little stiff, but real and warm.

"What is happening?" She asked him quietly.

"Yeah, they do this? I don't know. It's weird."

"I feel crazy," she said.

"I get it," he said and pat her gingerly on the back.

After two hours, Bood's voice cut through the whole house. "Break time!"

All the various wives and players dropped what they were doing and trooped back into the totally reconfigured living room. It looked just like their living room in the old house with slightly different dimensions. Even Jackie's pile of neglected paperbacks were on the end table next to a framed wedding photo.

"Everyone needs some sun," Bood declared. "Half hour break and then back to it."

The backyard had been one of the most appealing things about the new house, a small stone patio giving way to a half acre of green yard. Someone had found the girls' goals, setting them up much further apart than they would for the girls. A soccer ball had emerged from someone's car.

"WAGS vs. players!" Lisa declared.

"Noo," Cassie groaned. "Let's keep it fair."

All at once fatigue and confusion dropped away from Jackie. The sun was warm on her skin and the fresh cut grass smell reached into her.

"It won't be even," Bood frowned.

"Oh, I am sitting this one out," Hayden said immediately. "Give me back my baby, Rozanov. You're a WAG, get on the field and even things out."

"I can be WAG today?" Six feet of muscle-bound Russian said with far too much excitement.

"Yeah, sure you can, coach," Lisa laughed. "You're still not allowed in the group chat. Too much insider intel."

"Unfair," Rozanov pouted, but he gamely hopped up to join them.

That gave the WAG side four while the players amassed out to six until Luca called out to Joey. "C'mon, you take a break too! Pike can watch his own kids for a few minutes."

"You're already outnumbering them," Joey pointed out, but they did get up and bring Arthur over to Hayden's feet.

The girls had been given a beading kit by one of the wives when Jackie had been distracted. They were ensconced at the patio table, happy in some mass manufacturing of brackets. Joey must've gotten it started because their wrist already sported two bracelets on bright white elastic. One of the girls had added a lot of bright pink so it matched their shirt.

"I can play ref," they offered.

Jackie took in those strong thighs and powerful calves. It was getting hot out here, settling into her bones.

"If you don't mind being on our side, we'd like to have you," she said.

"Yeah, all right," Joey beamed at her and jogged over.

"I can sit out," Nick said. "Give the WAGs a snowball's chance in hell."

The bark of laughter from Hayden made Jackie have to scowl to cover her grin.

"You think we cannot win?" Ilya challenged Hayden, eyes narrowing dangerously.

Hayden rolled his eyes. "Yeah, not what I'm laughing about. Hey! No biting, baby girl. That hurts."

"She's not usually this bitey," Jackie said, a little embarrassed.

"I'm dreading Milo having teeth," Cassie winced. Her baby was tucked into the many times used bassinet that Jackie wasn't ready to part with. Milo had accepted this new sleeping arrangement with snoozing agreement. None of Jackie's had ever been that polite about sleep.

"You should've seen our youngest at that age," Selena said sympathetically. "I had red marks everywhere."

"I have this problem too," Ilya whispered with a twinkle in his eye. "I cannot wear tank tops sometimes."

"But you don't-" Lisa started, stopped then burst out laughing. "Well, if we're counting those babies then yes, I may have had the problem a time or two."

"Men," Joey scoffed, then winked at Jackie. Or all of them. Probably all of them. Jackie hadn't even added to that part of the conversation.

"Why are we all laughing?" Bood asked.

"No reason!" Cassie crowed. "Okay, let's get ready to get creamed."

Jackie whipped around, "You think that's what's about to happen here?"

"Isn't it?" Cassie frowned. "I mean it may not be their sport, but trust me it translates."

"Trust me," Jackie said, a growl she hadn't had in years back in her voice.

"Oh," Joey said, with a slow grin. "We're going to win."

"Tell us the play, captain," Ilya said seriously to Jackie. "We will execute."

When they broke, the players were chatting, Shane idly rolling the ball under his foot.

"Come on, Hollander," Jackie barked. "Let's look alive."

Shane startled so hard that he almost knocked into Boon. She grinned at him. Ilya snorted next to her. "Too many days off, Hollander? No reflexes?"

"I'm not the one that couldn't catch his breath on a run yesterday," Shane lifted his chin in challenge. Perfect.

Predictably as soon as the ball was in play, Ilya and Shane went at it, shoving and pushing at each other, fighting over possession like children. Joey slipped around the taller players, who were mostly cheering on one or the other. Timing it carefully so she didn't get trample, Jackie darted in, nimbly stole the ball and set it on a perfect arc around Bood and Nick to a waiting Joey, who put right past Wyatt into the net.

"Get 'em, Jacks!" Hayden cheered from the sidelines. "Great assist!"

"Thank you, babe!"

"Oh. Shit," Bood laughed. "Okay, I see how it is. How long did you play?"

"Play what?" Jackie said, trying to innocent blankness.

"She was alternate captain for the team that won the CCAA Women's Soccer Championship two years in a row," Shane said. So he had remembered. "And she won the second time six weeks pregnant with the twins."

"Jackie!" Selena said with happy shock. "That must've been so hard!"

"Nah, everyone throws up sometimes at championship games. Aside from that it was a cake walk."

"That's so cool," Joey rocked up back to her. "You're a rock star. None of these guys have won the cup pregnant."

"Not for lack of trying," Wyatt called out. Lisa rolled her eyes, but she was grinning.

"I think I want Joey back on our team," Nick groused. "I didn't know they had a ringer."

"You can't have them back," Selena said. "Their ours now."

"Joey," Hass whined. "Don't abandon us. Come back!"

"I'm good where I am," Joey said cheerfully. "Game on!"

The WAGs absolutely trampled the Players. With the promise of beating their husbands at hand, the three other wives really got into the game. Lisa was quick, Selena made for a decent goalie and Cassie had no problem using every trick to distract her husband. Ilya delighted in menacing his players, ducking and weaving, but mostly chirping at Shane until they were both laughing and shoving at each other again.

Joey was a dream. They were always exactly where Jackie needed them to be and if Luca got a little too close for comfort, Joey was suddenly in his personal space.

"No, Haas," Joey protested, when after one to many interceptions, Luca just dipped down and threw them over his shoulder. "Interference! Where's the ref?"

"That is such an illegal move," Jackie laughed.

"No, no," Luca said, almost dropping the wiggling body to the ground. "This is definitely fair. They pulled my hair! And stepped on my shoelaces!"

"Slander! Lies!" Joey protested. "Jackie, save me!"

"Haas! Down," Rozanov barked and all of a sudden, Joey was back on the ground, both of them flushed and grinning wildly. "No one breaks each other before season even starts."

"Sorry, coach," Luca said, attempting contriteness.

"No, you are not," Rozanov rolled his eyes.

"I'm fine, coach," Joey did a little spin, the hem of their shirt riding up dangerously. "See? Perfect."

They were a little perfect. Grass stained now and a trickle sweat making them glow. Were they wearing chapstick or had they been licking their lips?

The game devolved after that and Jackie drifted back to Hayden. He passed Amber up to her and she took her with confusion until he tugged her down into his lap.

"I'm gross," she warned him, sitting down gingerly.

"Don't care," he pulled her in close and nuzzled her neck.

"Hayden!" she whisper-yelled. "We have guests!"

"They'll have to deal with me appreciating my smoking hot wife," he secreted a kiss on her jaw. "You owned that game."

"Thanks," she said shyly.

They didn't really do mixed events like this in Montreal. The WAGs had their wine nights and book clubs. The guys had pool and bars and clubs. Every once and a while, they'd have a team outing with everyone in tow. When Ilya had said WAGs were invited to things, Jackie had imagined it would be like some of the new girlfriends who liked to cling and show off their catches at first before they realized how dull it all was. Sometimes the girls would go to chat with each other, the sexes still neatly seperated down the middle.

But Cassie and Lisa and Selena seemed to genuinely be friends with the men too. Lisa inspected a burn on Bood's arm, while he asked about her last shift. Cassie and Ilya fell into some kind of deep discussion about cars. Selena sat beside Nick, one ankle hooked around his, but otherwise interrogating Luca about his seemingly encyclopedic knowledge of local restaurants.

Shane was sitting beside Ilya, wrist in possession of Ruby and listening blankly to the car talk, but a small smile lingering on the edges of his lips.

"Babe, you know how you asked me this morning if I felt like we were off to a good start?" Jackie whispered.

"Yeah?" Hayden was idly rubbing her back in slow circles.

"I didn't. But now, yeah. I think so."

Ruby wiggled out of her seat and charged across the yard in her latest attempt to execute a cartwheel. When Jade was done with Shane's bracelet, she ran off to meet her. The two of them flopped over a lot and Jackie braced herself to intervene when they got frustrated.

"Bet you I can do one," Luca said, already getting up.

"No way," Joey laughed.

"I can!" Luca said. "Girls, can we try?"

"Are you any good?" Ruby demanded.

"She asks if I'm any good!" Luca clasped a hand over his heart, staggering back. "I hope so. But I won't know until I try."

"Okay," Ruby glanced at Jade, who nodded. "Go."

"Oh, boy," Hayden chuckled quietly.

"He's an athlete," Jackie said, somewhat skeptically.

It started off okay, Luca got both hands planted, but halfway through, his legs unbalanced and he landed in a laughing heap.

"Very impressive," Joey laughed, nudging their foot into Luca's ribs.

"He wasn't very good at it," Ruby said. "Lying is wrong."

"Oh for pete's sake," Jackie sighed. "Why does she always remember when it's convenient as a chirp?"

"I guess she's my kid," Hayden said apologetically. She kissed him on the cheek, shaking her head.

"Joey, can you do one?" Jade asked.

"Mm, maybe," Joey wrinkled their nose. "Do you think I should try?"

"Yes!" Both girls chorused, now sensing the potential humor in adults failing terribly.

Joey rolled their shoulders back and then executed a textbook cartwheel, landing with a little bow. Most of the adults applauded.

Ilya groaned, "Do not encourage this. This is how we go to ER with broken wrists and lose seasons."

"Where did you learn to do that?" Luca demanded.

"I dunno. Messing around after school with some of my friends, I guess," Joey demurred. Then they were checking. "Same time I learned to do this."

Without any more run up, they did a backflip. They staggered a little on the landing, laughing and shaking their head, thick black locks dancing around, their shirt threatening to slip more and show off nipple and maybe some of the tantalizing hints of the threatened tattoo.

"Can you show us how to do that?" Jade asked, wide-eyed.

"Not the flip, but I can help with the cartwheels! Maybe Luca should learn too."

There was heat pooling in Jackie's stomach, her mouth went a little dry. The sun was up too high, she thought. She hooked her arm around Hayden's shoulders, drawing herself in closer despite the way it would make her sweat.

And was nudged right in the thigh. A familiar nudge through basketball shorts, even hotter than the rest of Hayden's body. She turned to him, baffled. Sure sitting in his lap was kind of sexy, but they were surrounded by people and she had Amber practically wedged between them. That would usually kill any urgency.

But his eyes weren't on her. Or at least they hadn't been until she caught him at it and then he shaking his head violently as if in vhement denial. To her? To himself?

The heat trapped under Jackie's skin re-contextualized.

"I-" Hayden said helplessly.

"All right!" Bood said. "Back to work! We're getting this family moved in before dinner and then getting out of their house so they can enjoy my cooking without the rest of you picking at it."

"Later," Jackie whispered and kissed Hayden quickly on the cheek so he wouldn't think it was a bad kind of later.

Was it?

She got to her feet, clutching Amber like the poor baby was a shield. In the bright green grass, Joey did another cartwheel, shirt finally falling over their face to show off abs you could grate cheese on. Jackie was too far to make out the details of their tattoo, but it was beautiful, a sinuous curve from ribs to clavicle over prominent pecs.

"Here," Ilya made greedy hands at Amber, distracting Jackie before she could fully parse her own thoughts. "I take baby, you take the big babies, make sure they do not put your shampoo in the garage."

"They've been great," Jackie said staunchly, already a little protective of the invading mob.

"Ah, Hollander, they have her. One of the cult already" Ilya said as if this was all very sad, even as he took Amber from her.

"It's a cult?" Jackie asked.

"No," Shane rolled his eyes. "Just….friendly. But Bood's right, let's get them all out of here before dinner."

It wasn't even that hard. Despite how overwhelming it had felt this morning, many hands really did make light work. It was barely creeping towards five when Jackie couldn't find any more boxes. There were still some things sitting uncertain on the kitchen counters, she was sure the kids had misplaced a half-dozen others and maybe not everything was exactly where it should be. Yet, if they had managed on their own it might've been a week or more to reach this place.

The rooms no longer echoed. The kids had access to all of their toys and clothes. Her carefully chosen headboard had been re-attached to her bed and Cassie had helped her make it with all the duvet and pillows that made it Jackie and Hayden's haven.

"I can't thank you all enough," Jackie gushed.

"We'll pay it forward together next year," Cassie assured her, the sling with Milo in it now around her. Where the woman had the energy with that small a baby, Jackie couldn't even bear to ask, but it was admirable. "It was awesome to meet you. We'll have a barbecue next week, check the group chat. Bood loves to show off for a new audience and everyone will be back in town. You can meet the whole crew!"

"Oh, wow," Jackie said, the thought of an even bigger gathering of people this friendly seemed impossible, but she was game to try. "I look forward to it. What can I bring?"

"Dessert!" Selena said. "It's the only thing they don't make and the boys probably won't eat it, but that won't stop us, right?"

"Right," Jackie laughed. "I can do that."

They filtered out until Jackie turned around and found only Shane and Ilya still invading. They had taken up one end of the couch, Ilya sitting with his legs spread to accommodate Arthur on the floor and Shane under his arm, resting his head on Ilya's shoulder.

"I can't believe that happened," she said.

"They did my place too when I moved in last year," another voice piped up. Jackie took another step forward and found Joey laying on the floor in front of Arthur, letting him stack blocks on their chest like they had nothing better to do than be a table. "But it only took like an hour. I didn't have much stuff."

"Did they?" Ilya asked, nose wrinkled. "When?"

"As soon as the ink was dry on my contract. You weren't invited because my apartment is the size of a shoebox. I only got Wyatt, Dykstra and Haas and we were still done before lunch."

"You're American?" Jackie asked, something about the way they talked had been tugging at her ear.

"Yep! I mean, I grew up coming here a lot, my mom has family in Montreal, but yeah. I'm from Jersey."

"Terrible team," Shane said, maybe reflexively.

"Back off, Hollander," Joey said without heat. "The Devils were my idols as a kid."

"So until last season?" Ilya asked.

Joey snorted and the block tower fell. "Dang. Sorry, buddy."

Arthur restarted unperturbed.

"We beat your childhood idols into paste three times last season," Shane said, eyes going half-mast as Ilya started playing with his hair. "You helped."

"Yep. Never meet your idols. Unless it's to hit a puck between their legs."

"I say this every day," Ilya said fondly.

"Mommy, what's for dinner?" One of the girls called out.

"I told you it's too early," Hayden scolded.

Emerging from the hallway with Ruby on his back, Hayden had a post-game level of tiredness hovering around him. Jade trailed behind him, holding Amber with an intense look of concentration on her face. Technically Amber was no longer in the 'very breakable' stage of babyhood, but Jackie came in to relieve her anyway. The girls wanted to play with their sister like a doll and could really only be trusted for a minute or two at a time.

"We might as well get something in the oven," Jackie said. "I don't even know what we have, I think we could eat for a month out of what everyone brought over."

A cursory surveillance of aluminum pans revealed several meals and she read off the post-its to the still assembled crowd until barbecue chicken, mac and cheese and green beans won the day. To Jackie's relief, they could all gather around the dining room table with real plates and silverware, the threat of a dozen meals eaten haphazardly scraped away.

"This is incredible," Jackie said the second she could stop eating long enough to talk. "Bood makes this?"

"He's the grill master," Joey said like this was a title of great importance. Considering how Jackie wanted to devour the entire plate, she was hard pressed to disagree.

With the WAGs gone, Jackie gave into the inevitability that dinner conversation would be hockey-based. That was fine, she hadn't seen her children for most of the day and it was a good chance to check in quietly with them, make sure no one was unsettled or needed any special attention.

She listened with half an ear to the adult talk though, noting that despite Ilya's constant cracks on Joey's age, he listened to their opinion and only shot them down a few times. Unlike Hayden, who Ilya disagreed with about everything, including opinions Ilya himself had held moments earlier in the conversation.

Normally, people that antagonized her husband were immediately on Jackie's shit list, but Hayden, despite himself, had fun arguing with Ilya. His eyes were bright and he had the cocky grin he only got when he'd stolen the puck off someone. It probably helped that Shane switched sides to whoever was being less of a jackass at any given moment. Winning Shane's approval back were perfect stakes for her husband.

Through it all, Joey watched like it was a tennis match and threw in their thoughts with no regard for how they would go over. Seemingly, they were enjoying stirring the pot. Once and a while, they would catch Jackie's eyes and shoot her a grin or a wink.

Jackie felt terrible for the way she wanted to change seats away from Hayden's side. She wanted to lean in and whisper in Joey's ear, see if they thought this was all as hilarious as she did. It seemed like they did.

"I'm going to start baths," Jackie announced to free herself once her plate was clear. "Girls, you have a half hour of screen time."

"Yay!" They cheered and were sprinting away before she could remind them to clear their plates.

"You want me to take someone?" Hayden asked, getting up. "Hey. Two bathtubs. Efficiency!"

Jackie stopped, then looked at him. "You're a genius."

"Do not lie to him," Ilya clucked his tongue.

"Shut up, Ilya," she said with an eye roll. "He's my husband and I'll love on him if I want. I don't tell you how to talk to Shane."

"Oh, burn," Hayden laughed, ducking in to kiss her.

Amber was fussy, definitely the one most thrown off by the day, but a warm bath, pajamas, a last bottle and some rocking and she was down for the count. Jackie laid her in the crib with relief and stepped away. Across the hall, Arthur's bedroom door was cracked. Shane sat on the floor next to the little bed, dutifully reading Thomas and the Big Big Bridge in his leaden monotone way.

She slipped in to kiss Arthur good night, his eyes already mostly closed. Shane went on reading, only glancing up at her with a slight head tilt of acknowledgement. Jade's room was empty, but Ruby's was full. The two girls were in Ruby's bed and sitting at the foot of it was Ilya, cross-legged. He was telling them a story, no book in sight.

"I cannot marry frog!" he said doing an exaggerated showing of horror. "But the prince's father says 'this is where the arrow lands, so you must'. Lucky for the prince, at night, the frog becomes a beautiful princess, very smart and kind."

Jackie watched from the doorway as Ilya gestured and the girls tracked his movement with appreciation. Every time he mentioned the frog, his left hand hopped over the covers. She sensed a place where the story snagged him, maybe some detail forgotten or darker than he recalled. That had happened to her once or twice, re-reading favorites from her own childhood. He recovered, frog once more a princess forever and a happily ever after on the horizon.

"Will you tell it again?" Jade asked. "Next time?"

"Yes," Ilya said readily, glancing up at Jackie. "Maybe I teach it to your mama so she can tell it."

"No," Ruby said immediately. "I like how you say it."

"I've got my own stories," Jackie assured him. "Okay, girls, time to brush teeth and hair."

"Noooo, it's a special night!" Ruby protested. "A little longer, pleeeease?"

"Sorry, girly-pop. It's already kind of late," Jackie said.

Ilya yawned exaggeratedly as he got up. "Yes, I wish I could sleep, but your Uncle Shane needs to make lists and say serious grown up things. If you stay up, then we only talk about window cleaner and brooms."

"I like cleaning," Ruby lied her adorable little face off.

"Great!" Jackie said brightly. "Perfect for cleaning your teeth!"

"Ha! Your mama has you there," Ilya laughed, heading for the door.

"Uncle Ilya, you didn't say good night," Jade said with a pout.

Ilya stopped dead in his tracks and his eyes went to Jackie's face, wild and uncertain. The girls had only met him a few times, but Jackie had carefully explained how much Uncle Shane loved Ilya, the same way Mama and Daddy loved each other. It wasn't hard to see the leap of childish logic. And Jackie was not going to argue with it. She missed George and Melissa profoundly, but her family was far away, abstract to her own children.

This was who they had to hand and now that they were so close by, Jackie had no doubt that Ilya would loom large in their lives.

"Good nights are important," Jackie said softly. "Uncle Shane gives forehead kisses."

"Yes, I have seen this," Ilya's eyes darted back to the bed where the girls waited expectantly. "You do not have to-"

"They call it like they see it and I think in this case, they've got it right," Jackie said. "Go on, we're already running late."

Ilya nodded once, giving himself a full body shake like he was throwing off a thick blanket. He moved to the bed, bent down and kissed Jade and then Ruby on the forehead, "Good night, girls. Have good dreams."

"Good night," they chorused back and then Ilya swept from the room too fast for Jackie to see his face again.

Teeth brushed, hair braided, Hayden appeared and plucked up Ruby.

"Come on, cannonball, let's get you to bed." He smacked a kiss off Jade's forehead. "Good night, love you."

And for the first time, they separated to put the girls in their own beds, separate good nights. It was bittersweet as Jackie turned on Jade's nightlight and tucked her in with care. She met Hayden in the hallway and they crashed into a quick, wordless hug, sharing the sea change between them.

In the living room, Shane had a laptop open, already in full concentration mode. Joey was sitting next to him, legs criss-crossed while Ilya was in the kitchen loading the dishwasher.

"You don't have to do that," Jackie said.

"I do not want to talk about curtains," Ilya huffed. "Or detergents. This is better. "

"Fair enough," Jackie laughed and when she got to the couch, Joey moved over, so she could plop down next to Shane.

Hayden hovered and then started tidying up toys like if he didn't stop moving he might collapse. Jackie wasn't going to get in the way of him cleaning. She was quickly absorbed into Shane's list, the Amazon cart building out into a very obscene number. Joey kept leaning in to look at options, weighing in on colors and utility. Despite the efforts of the day, they smelled fantastic, their shampoo holding some grapefuit kind of smell that tingled pleasantly over Jackie's nose. They were so close that Jackie could see a shaving nick on their neck.

She could finally tell that they weren't wearing chapstick. No, that was full on pink-tinted lipgloss that must've been reapplied after dinner it was so shiny and inviting.

Between that distraction and Shane's meticulousness, it was only when he finally hit 'order' that it occurred to her that it was his account.

"Shane!" she protested.

"Housewarming gift," he said, smiling down at the keyboard.

"You didn't have to," she sighed. "But thank you. God, what a day."

"We should go," Shane declared, shutting the laptop with a final click. "Where the fuck is my boyfriend?"

"Where's my husband?" Jackie asked with equal alarm. "I swear to god if they're fighting about something I will kill them both."

"I think they went to the garage?" Joey offered.

"The garage?" Jackie pushed to her feet and Shane followed after her.

The new house had a sensible two-car garage with some extra space for shelving. Hayden and Ilya were standing in front of one of the blank walls. Hayden had a measuring tape and Ilya had his phone out.

"Hey, babe," Hayden said. "I was thinking about using this space for the bulk stuff instead of the back of the pantry. Rozanov doesn't think there's enough space."

"I know how to make things fit," Ilya said, a smirk on his lips and before Hayden could complain:

"Ew, coach," Joey said from behind Jackie.

"Ew?" The offense slapped across Ilya's face made Jackie stifle a laugh.

"Ew," Joey repeated. "Not even in your top ten best. Just kind of smarmy."

"You are rating this now?"

"Only in the off season. You guys are much better behaved at the rink."

"Guys?" Shane asked. "Don't rope me into this."

"We're on to you, Hollander," Joey said. "We know what you flirting sounds like now."

Shane looked just as offended as Ilya and Jackie really did burst into a laugh. Her laught tipped Hayden off at the best of times and he was also probably delirious with everything that had happened today.

The end result was the Pikes in hysterics, Joey's warm laughter lacing underneath while Ilya and Shane had some kind of collective, silent meltdown.

"We're leaving," Shane declared, reaching out, getting Ilya around the bicep, smacking the garage door opener and making for the driveway. "Let's never talk about this again! Good night!"

"I want to know the rankings," Ilya complained. "Yolen! Email me list!"

"Shut up, Ilyusha," Shane said and kept on walking.

"Good night, Pikes and Yolen!" Ilya called out, starting to laugh now himself.

"Good night!" They yelled back, between gasps of laughter.

"Shit, sorry, I should go too, huh?" Joey said.

"Oh, I thought maybe they drove you," Hayden said. Which…yes. Jackie had assumed that too with the way they hung around.

"Are you kidding? Getting in the car with coach? He drives like the speed limit is a vague suggestion for boring people."

"Right, so no kids in Ilya's car," Jackie said. "Noted."

"You think?" Hayden frowned, watching the car pull out of the driveway and whizz away. "He's kind of nuts about the kids. I think he might actually be careful with that."

"About that, babe," Jackie reached over and grabbed his hand, meeting his eyes. "I have terrible news for you."

"No," Hayden said immediately. "I don't want to know."

"You have to because if you hear it organically the first time, I don't want you freaking out in front of the kids."

"Okay," Hayden took a fortifying breath. "What is it?"

"The girls call him Uncle Ilya now."

The face journey was almost worth the moment. Joey started laughing hard again, posting themselves up against the wall. Jackie repressed a smile, but it kept breaking free as Hayden gaped like a fish.

"This is such a fucking nightmare," he eventually said. "Rozanov is fucking my best friend, he's going to coach me, and my kids adopted him. Did I kill puppies for fun in my last life or something?"

"Babe, I think he might also be your friend," Jackie said very very gently.

Hayden closed his eyes, dropped his head forward and made a terrible noise. "Take that back."

Joey slid down the wall and was sitting on the cement floor, face in their hands as they laughed and Jackie was grinning like she'd won the lottery.

"Do not laugh at me, woman," Hayden warned, the curl of flirtation under those words and what was Jackie going to do, but start howling again?

The three of them laughed themselves sick until Joey started hiccuping and they all staggered back inside to foist water on them. The laughter died off and they were just standing, all flushed and loopy in the kitchen.

"Sorry, I'm overstaying my welcome," Joey said with grimace as they finished off their water. "You guys must want some downtime before bed."

"It's okay," Hayden said. "You're good company."

"Thanks," Joey said softly, but they were withdrawing now, looking for their shoes which Jackie hadn't even noticed were off. The bottom of their socks must've been filthy from the garage.

When they leaned over to pull on their sneakers, Jackie's face went hot. She reached out to find Hayden's hand again, grounding herself. A reminder. He jumped a little when she took it and a quick glance at his face, showed a frantic fear.

This day had gone on too long. Been too tiring and confusing.

"Good night, Pikes," Joey said from the door, barely turning around to wave at them.

"Good night," Jackie said quietly.

"Safe drive home," Hayden said after clearing his throat.

Then Joey was gone, leaving them in a quiet, unpacked house full of sleeping children.

"Hayden," Jackie said heavily. "I think we need to talk."

"Please don't be angry," he said so small and afraid that she pulled him into a hug.

"Babe, I'm not angry. Why would I be angry?"

"I think I- I don't know. I think there's something wrong with my head," he confessed to her, dropping his forehead to her shoulder.

She hugged him. "They're attractive. You noticed. It happens."

"I like women. I like you," Hayden said, a little muffled. "I don't even really understand what nonbinary means. I swear I read about it, but I can't get my head around it. Is it gay to like a nonbinary guy?"

"I don't think they're a guy," Jackie said, but without much confidence. She was thinking of that lip gloss though. The shine on pouty lips.

"Yeah, okay," Hayden said with the edge of the earlier hysterics in his voice. "Does that make it more or less gay?"

"I don't know," Jackie hugged him, "But you're not gay. You couldn't fake that many years of good sex with me, babe. I know that."

"I've never looked at a man before. Not like that."

Jackie hesitated. They were apparently doing this. Ten years of noticing quietly and letting it go because it no more mattered than Hayden noticing an actresses' tits during a movie. They were together and despite Hayden's work that set him up perfectly for affairs, the thought rarely crossed her mind. He was foundational, strong in his convictions of what a good married man looked like.

Hayden wouldn't cheat, so what did it matter where his eyes went from time to time? Jackie could notice a butt or two herself and Hayden thought it was funny when she gushed about Zac Effron (so sue her, she still liked her high school crushes).

So she'd never mentioned it, but she had at least thought Hayden knew.

"You kind of have," she broke to him, wishing there was a better way.

"When?" He asked, still clinging to her, unwilling to pick up his head.

She sighed and rubbed his back. "You won't like it."

"You're breaking all kinds of bad news to me tonight, why stop now?"

"The first time I noticed was because I thought you had a crush on Shane?"

That got him to stand up straight. "Jackie! No."

"Hayden? Yes," she said firmly. "C'mon. Not now, but all those years ago?"

Hayden went quiet, his face still, but for his eyes scanning back and forth like he was reading a dusty book until he groaned. "I just wanted to hang out with him all the time. It was like…like…"

"Yeah," she sighed. "It's okay. I thought he was hot too."

"He IS hot," Hayden said too fast then sighed. "Shit. Okay. Fine. But that's like a bro crush. A nothing."

"There was your thing about Grodin too." A brief blip on the Metros, Grodin had taken a rough liking to Hayden for his single season, and taught him how to skateboard of all things. Hayden talked about him a lot. A lot, a lot.

"He was just a good guy," Hayden said weakly.

"He touched you all the time."

"He did," Hayden conceded. "He was a touchy person."

"Dicaprio movies," she said. "Especially the ones from when were kids."

"I-fuck. Yeah, okay. Stop, please."

"Joey," Jackie said because she had to.

"They're not a guy, you said," Hayden reminded her.

"They're not a girl either," she squeezed his arm. "I think they're hot too, remember? It's fine. We can just both appreciate the same person."

"I'm sorry," Hayden said. "God, Jacks, I'm so sorry. I promise I never did anything about it. I didn't even really know. I still don't fully think it's a thing. Just thoughts. Thoughts are okay, right?"

"Yeah, babe, thoughts are okay," Jackie agreed with some relief. "And you know, it's never really come up that we're having the same thought."

"What do you mean?" Hayden frowned.

"I mean, it could be something we talk about. Not to like, be gross about them, but you know. To help us both figure it out and maybe have some fun?"

The light turned back on behind Hayden's eyes. "Jacqueline Pike, are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting? On a Thursday night in the kitchen? Two nights in a row?"

She ran her hands up Hayden's arms to settle on his shoulder. "Tell me what they make you think about, babe. I want to know."

"Not here," Hayden said quickly.

They practically ran to the bedroom, stopping only to make sure everyone was actually asleep and they weren't about to be abruptly and horrifically interrupted. As soon as their bedroom door closed, they were getting naked, not bothering with teasing. They kissed, crashing together, Hayden's hands cupping her ass, picking her up to carry her the last feet. He bore them both down on the bed, his cock already a brand against her stomach.

"Talk," she demanded, even as she reached down to palm over the familiar shape of him.

"I keep imagining them on their knees. That fucking whatever they had on their lips today. Gloss?"

"Yes, I think so," Jackie said, her breathing already loud in her own ears. "Just on their knees?"

"I think about them on their knees with those fucking lips and I don't even get past that," Hayden admitted, kissing her neck, her shoulder. "It's like my brain goes haywire."

"Too bad," Jackie said and with a vulgarity she rarely used, she whispered, "I want to watch them suck your cock, then kiss your come out of their mouth."

Hayden made a punched out sound and rocked into her hand. "Fuck, Jacks."

"Yes, please," she demanded, wrapping her legs around his waist.

"You don't want me to go down on you first?" Hayden asked, bewildered.

Years together and their sex did have certain patterns. Beloved ones, routine for the sake of time sometimes. Hayden almost always ate her out first, licking into the core of her like he could never get tired of it.

"I'm already wet and it's late. Come on, babe," she urged.

When he slid home, Jackie had to smother her moan against his shoulder, her hands claws on his back. They fucked like they were teenagers again, messy and and starving for each other. He kissed her desperately as she clung to him, meeting each thrust with her own. He rebalanced and reached down between them, pressing his thumb over her clit and rubbing in spirals until she came hard around him biting his bottom lip. He thrust a handful more times as she rode them out, dizzy and ringing with pleasure.

She loved when he came in her, swelling just a little bit more at the end to wring the last bit of good feeling from them both. Her legs stayed locked around him, keeping him on top of her. Hayden was heavy and hot, her beloved furnace and she clung to him. He clung right back.

"How am I going to look them in the eye ever again?" Hayden asked her, plaintively. "I have to play with them. Be in the same fucking locker room."

"You'll manage," she assured him. "It's fine."

"I'm freaking out," he told her, though he was boneless in her arms.

"Me too," she whispered.

They held each other in the dark until needs necessitated they part, making use of their brand new en suite. Back in their bed, the comfort of their things around them, Jackie kissed her husband gently.

"What if they know somehow?" Hayden asked, anxiety clawing through his voice.

"Babe. Be so for real right now, you think that a hot young person like them would think some boring old married people are into them?"

"Yeah," Hayden said after a beat. "God, you're so right. That'd be ridiculous."

"So, it's just something we know. And you can work out whatever you're going through and I'll figure my shit out or we won't. Because it's still us, right? At the end of the day."

"Always," Hayden said. "I love you."

"Love you too," she kissed him.

And that was that.

Until it wasn't.

Chapter 3: Don't wanna live as an untold story, rather go out in a blaze of glory

Chapter Summary

Joey Yolen knows how to get some of the things they want. Others, elude them. Until they don't.

Chapter Notes

You may notice the summary for this story as well as the tags and chapter count have changed. Instead of this being open ended one shots, this story will contain Jackie, Hayden and Joey's stories. So this doesn't keep happening, all future one shots in 'win conditions' will get their own story in case they have sudden growth spurts.

@ottawacentaurs As we approach our new season, we wanted to remind you of some of our returning players faces! So for a bit of a Throwback Thursday, here's the question and answer video made last year with then rookie Joey Yolen (they/them) @joeyolen. We're proud to say they're returning for a second season!

[Video: Joey sits on the the stool in front of the Centaurs' logo backdrop, wearing their jersey and black jeans with their legs crossed at ankles. They occasionally rub their hands over their thighs, betraying some nerves.

Harris: Thanks for joining us today. We're really excited to have you as a Centaur.

Yolen: I'm really excited to be one. I've dreamed about this my whole life.

Harris: Being in Ottawa?

Yolen: That part I didn't expect, but it's been nice so far.

Harris: Just nice?

Yolen: In fairness I've mostly only seen the rink and my hotel room. Once I settle in, I'll report back?

Harris: Holding you to that! Okay, first question: Who's your favorite current player?

Yolen: Can I cheat and name two?

Harris: I think I can allow that, bud. Go ahead.

Yolen: I've admired Shane Hollander for years. Can't believe I get to play with him! Getting to watch him up close is…okay. I'm not going to gush cause that's weird now, right?

Harris: I think we've all gushed over him by now, feels pretty normal and fine. Who's the other?

Yolen: Oh man, people always give me a hard time about it.

Harris: I promise I will not judge. I can't speak for the internet.

Yolen: Okay, so I love playing right wing. I know you're supposed to gun for center or whatever, but it's been my position since I was thriteen. So that's who I'm always watching when I study games. So… Hayden Pike is my favorite.

Harris: Pike? Oh! The Metros?

Yolen: Yeah. I watched Hollander pretty closely and it's hard not to notice who's standing next to him, you know?

Harris: I honestly don't, but that's great. Love that! And hey, someone didn't say Scott Hunter.

Yolen: I'm from New Jersey. If I admire a New York player in public, I can't go home.

Harris: Wow, sounds serious.

Yolen: [stone cold] It is.

Harris: Okay, then we'll move on! Are you a dog person or a cat person?

Yolen: Uh, cat, I guess.

Harris: Boooooo!

Yolen: [laughs a little] I like dogs too. Chrion is very cute.

Harris: Fine. You can live. Do you have any hobbies?

Yolen: Sure, I like going to concerts a lot. I play violin.

Harris: Didn't you major in music?

Yolen: Something like that. I mostly majored in hockey, honestly and I didn't exactly graduate. I'll go back sometime, Mom, I promise.

Harris: That's awesome. Would you play for us sometime?

Yolen: Uh…sure? Not sure why anyone would want to listen to classical music on hockey social media though.

Harris: Let me worry about that. Hm…oh! What's your favorite ice cream flavor?

Yolen: Neapolitan.

Harris: I feel like that's cheating. That's three flavors.

Yolen: Eh, it's different then if you order them all separately.

Harris: Fair enough. Who do you play in Mario Cart?

Yolen: Toad. That guy rocks. I love his vest.

Harris: For the fashion choice! Didn't see that coming. What's your favorite place on earth?

Yolen: The ice. I know that's cliche, but skating is when I feel the most peaceful. Even if I'm not playing, I like being out there. It's cold and clean.

Harris: You know, none of the other guys said that, so not so cliche, I think.

Yolen: Oh. Good.

Harris: Mountains or ocean?

Yolen: Ocean. My grandparents had a shore house that we used to go to every summer.

Harris: Which shore?

Yolen: The Jersey Shore. Not like the TV show. At least not when you're eight.

Harris: I will take your word for it. Last question! What's your favorite type of apple?

Yolen: I'm allergic.

Harris: You are? [horrified]

Yolen: [bursts out laughing] Sorry, sorry, you're just so on the apple thing. I literally ate one in front of you yesterday. That you gave me.

Harris: That was so mean, [is laughing now too]. Do you have an answer or are you just trying to give me a heart attack?

Yolen: Winesap.

Harris: Oooh good one. Any last words to help people get to know you?

Yolen: If you don't see me on the ice, look a little further down. Getting that out there before anyone else can make a short joke.

Harris: What is your exact height to clarify for the people?

Yolen: Three apples tall.

Harris: Wow…wow! [more laugher] Well great! Thanks for this! ]

Joey propped up their phone against a few books and hit the Facetime call. It didn't even get a chance to fully ring once before their sister's face filled it far too close to the screen.

"JimJam!" She shouted.

"Spooks!" they yelled back.

"Mama, I've got them!" Rivkah shouted. The noise behind her necessitated the yelling.

It was the first Friday night of the month, so the entire Yolen extended family were crammed into the dining room of Joey's childhood home. Between Rivkah and Shira, they had five kids under nine. Their husbands were boisterous men and Joey's parents were not quiet people. Add in their uncle, his wife, their kids and the resulting Shabbat dinner made calling it a day of rest more than a little ironic.

"Everyone shut up!" Their mother's voice cut through the chaos and most of the sound died down. "We have Joey with us tonight, say hello!"

"Hello, Joey!" A room full of people yelled at them, followed by a variety of garbled questions. "I'll pass the phone around when we're eating! Calm down!"

"You calm down, Mimi!" Their uncle yelled. "We want to talk to your famous young person!"

"I'm not famous," Joey laughed.

"You're more famous than the rest of us," their mother said very reasonably. "Ezra! Your child is on the phone! What are you doing?"

"Getting the knife! You want me to cut the challah with my mind or something?" Their father pressed in against their mother, his bald head reflecting the light from the ancient chandelier that Joey had spent many long boring dinners counting the crystals on. "There they are! How're you, kiddo?"

"I'm okay, Dad," they smiled at him. "How's things?"

"You know, it goes. Ready?"

"I think they were waiting on you actually."

"Pheh," said their father. "No one is going to starve. Your mother made enough food for an army this month."

"Your sisters brought too much," their mother said.

"Mama!" Rivkah protested. "You asked me to bring side dishes, so you wouldn't have to make them and then you made them anyway! How is that my fault?"

The bickering went on until their father silenced everyone with a, "We can talk or we can pray and eat!"

Joey folded their arms on the table and rested their chin on their arms as the familiar prayers reached through the phone and grabbed around their heart. Their mother lit candles, their father blessed the wine and the challah. Joey's relationship with their faith was distant now, quiet, but not entirely dead. It lived here at least, in these traditions, kept alive by the sheer persistence of their parents.

Rivkah and Shira had both moved away from the formalities of religion too, but they came for Shabbat. They had this dinner, this night that still tied them altogether, even as they spread further and further around the world.

"You're all right, shefele?" Their mother asked even as she carried the phone to the kitchen to bring in more plates.

"Yes, mama," they said. "I'm great. Pre-season starts soon, it's getting exciting again."

"And you're playing here in November!" She said. "We got the tickets you sent, thank you. Are you sure you don't want some of your friends from college to come instead?"

"I already got them tickets too," Joey admitted. "I don't use my comps much and I asked nicely."

"Good, that's good," she said. "Close to us? I like that one girl. Dana?"

"Mama," they groaned. "One date! And it was awful."

"I know, I know, but maybe you remember you like people here and someday you can get traded back home, so I see you more often."

"Maybe," Joey said.

"I worry," she said.

"I know. But you just saw me and I'm fine."

"It's a violent sport."

"Yes," Joey said because what else was their to say? She had been devastated then they'd gotten a tooth knocked out during the Montreal game. They'd had to call her every day for a week. "But I'm careful and my team is good."

"I just wish-"

"None of that," Rivkah's voice came back and then her face. "She's in a mood because Shira is pregnant again."

"Rivkah!' their mother scolded. "That was for your sister to tell!"

"I don't care!" Shira yelled. "Joey, I'm pregnant!"

"Congratulations!" they yelled back.

The phone was passed to her and she beamed at him. Shira kept her hair in short spikes and had more piercings in her face than face it seemed. "We're excited. Fourteen weeks along."

"I'm happy for you," Joey said. "Where are you going to put them though?"

"Good question," she laughed. "I think the sock drawer, but Dave keeps saying we need a real crib or something."

"Mama is going to try to get you to move out of the city again."

"Not happening," Shira rolled her eyes. "Maybe we will get a bigger apartment though."

After that, the phone really was passed around. Joey talked to their niblings, their cousins, their brothers-in-law and their uncle and his wife. By the time the phone was passed back to their mother, the meal was clearly winding down. Joey had eaten before the call, but they were hungry again now anyway. Hungry for their mother's chicken and green beans and thinly sliced potatoes.

"Do you have any weekend plans?" she asked.

"Yeah, there's a team event tomorrow. Barbecue, you know. Starts around noon and they usually go past dinner. Should be fun."

"Will your new teammates be there?"

"I mean, maybe. It's not like the line up is finalized," they said casually. "Still have training camp."

"But your favorite will be there."

"Yes," Joey said evenly. "So what? He's just a guy."

"And he has a very nice wife," she said. "You said she was pretty."

"I can't notice a guy has a pretty wife now?" Joey asked.

Rivkah pressed in against her mother. "We noticed that you noticed. Is that a crime, Jimjam?"

"They're just very nice. That's all. I'm glad he's on our team and that we got rid of Peters. He sucked and I'm pretty sure he asked to get traded because of our queer brigade. Like we aren't still massively outnumbered."

"What a putz," their mother decreed.

"No argument here," Joey said. "Maybe I'll get more assists if someone will meet my eyes when I look at them."

"And will 'Hayden' do that?" Rivkah asked in a sing-song.

Joey groaned, "Leave me alone, Spooks. He's just a guy! A married guy!"

"And you remember that," their mother scolded.

"I do! Okay, that's enough of this. I'm hanging up."

"No, wait!" Rivkah said. "I'm crocheting you another cardigan because you liked the last one so much, what color?"

"Really?" Joey perked up. "Can you do a like….electric blue?"

"Another blue? You're so predictable. Don't expect it too quick, I've got a baby blanket to make."

"That's okay, it's still pretty warm here. Thanks."

"Don't say thanks until you get it," Rivkah said. "Okay, good night! Shabbat shalom!"

"Shabbat shalom!"

The call went dark with their mother protesting that she hadn't had a chance to say good night.

The apartment was suddenly very quiet. Joey stayed with their cheek pressed to their arm, listening to their fridge running.

They should've made plans for tonight. A quiet night in always sounded good in theory, but alone in their studio, it was like they were the only living person in the city. With a sigh, they put on Luca's latest playlist and started cleaning.

They'd been home for most of the summer and out of their skin about it. Sleeping in their childhood bedroom, tangled up in the rituals of their family, had been claustrophobic and they'd spent most of the time out with friends from college. Now they longed to go back and apologize for any minute they hadn't spent with them.

An hour into their deep clean, they got a text.

Luca: Carpool tomorrow?

Joey: You want me to be DD.

Luca: No! But it is your turn.

Joey: Yeah, fine. Bood only stocks beer anyway.

Luca: I will never understand your beer thing.

Joey: Yeast. Soda.

Luca: Pick me up at noon?

Joey: Ok. How was the date?

Luca: She basically asked if I was too gay to have sex with her.

Joey: Every time!

Luca: I swear, I'm going to tattoo the definition of pansexual on my forehead.

Joey: You're afraid of needles.

Luca: Knew there was a downside.

Getting dressed the next morning after a long gym session was a challenge. On the one hand, it was a casual barbecue. Literally everyone and their partners would be there. The whole coaching team, almost all the players. and a zillion kids. It was the perfect kind of day for athleisure.

Joey stared into the depths of their closet and ran their hands over their neon rainbow of options.

They were no homewrecker. It had been fun to find that the straight and narrow Mr. Pike was willing to dart his eyes to Joey's thighs and stomach when they were on display. It had been far less fun when Joey discovered that Hayden was a gumbling, but gentle father and a rumpled certified hottie in person.

When they'd met Jackie, they'd felt a spike of guilt so sudden and terrible that they'd almost run back out the door which would've been hard to explain. And then she had had the audacity to be gorgeous and competent. Joey could see her now, sprinting over the grass, her glossy hair bouncing in it's ponytail as she passed the ball to them with a feral heat in her eyes.

No wonder Hayden had had four kids with her. Joey was more impressed that he'd stopped, frankly.

And together they could not have been more married. They spoke to each other in gestures and finished each other's sentences. If someone needed a couple for stock photography, Joey knew where to send them.

So there was absolutely no point in putting on a show. Joey could take down their most boring masculine, comfortable things and put them on like the cloak they always were. Of course everyone knew about them now, but that didn't mean eyes didn't catch on their more feminine pieces. Even the coolest of the straight guys always took a moment when they wore lace. For that matter, even Hollander and Barrett gave them a confused second glance when they had skirt on.

Joey went so far as to pull out their favorite pair of cargo shorts. The ones that were a little worn in spots. They could blend for today. Be quiet in the crowd. They had always been quiet anyway. Even these days, it was still only their clothing that was loud.

Their phone buzzed.

Luca: are we bringing something?

Joey: I'm bringing something. I don't know what you're doing.

Luca: come on

Joey: No.

Luca: Pleeeeease

Joey: No.

Luca: I will give you money towards whatever it is. I don't have time to make things now and I didn't think about it until fifteen minutes ago.

Joey: No.

Luca: I'll owe you a favor. A big one!

Joey: It's just egg salad.

Luca: You salad an egg? What is wrong with Americans?

Joey: I'm not sure where to start and how to finish that one. Fine. 'We' can bring egg salad.

Luca: Thank you! Are you still choosing what to wear?

Joey: ugh

Luca: It's only a barbecue! You don't need to do a full beat.

Joey: I wasn't going to wear makeup.

Luca: Not even that new eyeliner that you told me about five times last week? Come on, Yolen. Nut up.

Joey: fuck off, I'll see you in thirty.

The eyeliner was very cool, electric blue that went on easy, spiked into the inner corners of their eyes and flicked up at the other end. Dramatic, possibly ridiculous, but they liked it. The cargo shorts were banished back into the closet.

Maybe they weren't a homewrecker, but they could look good while they accepted permanent singledom. Blue floral patterned shorts with a cheeky 4 inch inseam went well with the blue tank that was edged in black and dipped down low enough to show the tip of their tattoo. They added a braided leather bracelet and hovering over their jewelry box, made a very impulsive decision to add Jade and Ruby's beaded ones too. The girls would be there. That was just nice to do for kids.

With no time left to think, Joey slid on their lucky sneakers and headed out the door. The car had been Joey's splurge purchase with their new salary. The dark blue Hellcat purred at them as they cruised towards Luca's condo. It was a ridiculous thing to own when they were barely even home most of the year, but that didn't make them any less proud of the beast.

Luca was already waiting outside. In the bright summer sun, he shone like a beacon, white-blond hair, white t-shirt, baggy black shorts like they were going to the gym.

He looked like an angel. Why couldn't Joey still have a crush on him? That had been painful in a different way, but ultimately easier. By the time they'd both stumbled out to their team, Joey's feelings had settled into a sibling level affection, leaving far too much space behind in their wanting heart.

"You're late!" Luca decreed, sliding into the passenger seat that was already adjusted for him. He was basically the only one that used it. "Holy shit, the eyeliner is great!"

"I told you," Joey said. "Color payoff."

"I was listening! I just hadn't seen it. Where's our egg salad?"

"In the back, you lazy asshole."

"I don't understand your North American ways," Luca said, accent thickening until was almost Rozanov at his most exhausted/pissed off levels. "Your customs are strange to me."

"You've lived here for five years, I know you know to bring things to parties. I'm not convinced that they don't do it in Switzerland. I think you just like to be a mooch."

"What is a 'mooch'?" Luca asked, all wide eyes.

"You don't fucking fool me, Haasy. Who do I look like? Dykstra?"

"You're no fun," Luca grumbled. "What are we listening to?"

"Saint Motel."

"Good enough. How late do you want to stay tonight?"

"I didn't make plans. We'll go if you get overstimulated, just give me the sign."

"Cool," Luca slouched down a little more, spreading his knees wider as if he had to take up more space to make up for having a weakness. Dork. "I can't believe preseason starts so soon. The summer disappeared."

"Yeah, and no one gets to call me rookie anymore."

"They'll still do it," Luca laughed. "They didn't quit with me until halfway through last season."

"I'm going to start throwing hands, I swear to fuck," Joey grumbled.

They spent the rest of the drive arguing about who on the team one or both of them could take in a fight without much agreement. It passed the time though and they were soon parking on the street with a dozen other cars. Music was already pouring of the Boodram house, a little more mellow in tone than usual, probably in deference to baby ears. Good smells were coming out of it too.

"I'm starving," Luca said as Joey pulled out their tupperware. "C'mon, Yolen, move your ass."

"Eat a dick."

"I am trying," Luca groaned. "Grindr isn't cooperating."

They ignored the front door and went around the back, walking up the steps to the enormous deck where a lot of people were already talking in various configurations.

"Hey, it's the kid's table!" Dillion called out. "What were you two doing? Driving in circles?"

"It's called being fashionably late," Luca said. "You wouldn't know because fashion won't answer your calls anymore after the orange t-shirt incident."

"I looked hot in that," Dillion said, turning to Dykstra's wife Caitlin. "Orange is hot, right?"

"Not safety orange," she said. "That's what Evan wears when he doesn't want other hunters to shoot him."

Joey left Luca behind to bring their offering to Cassie. She was presiding over the sides table, Milo in his sling over her chest. Hollander was posted up next to her, watching the crowd and probably trying to single out Rozanov, who was all of twenty feet away. The two of them needed to invent human echolocation already.

"Hi," Joey presented themselves. "I brought egg salad again, I hope that's okay."

"Of course it is," she said. "Does it have horseradish in it?"

"I added more this time," they confided. "I put a warning sticky note on it though."

"You're too nice to them," Cassie grinned. "All right, just set it down wherever there's space. I like the eye liner."

"Thanks."

And then Joey drifted. They were friendly with everyone, it was a warm and inviting kind of party, but they couldn't quite align themselves with any one conversation today. In the end, they grazed down the sides table, then took a hamburger to eat close to the grill so they could watch Bood in his element.

Before Joey's first game as a Centaur, Bood had sat down with them in the locker room and said, "If anyone gives you shit rook, you come to me. Okay? I don't care how big or small it seems, we don't do that bullshit here."

"Yeah, okay," Joey had said without much confidence. It sure sounded nice.

There were some things ultimately, but they had all been playful. A giant bow tying all their equipment together than said 'Welcome, Rookie' on it. A few chirps here and there. None about things that actually bothered them though. Nothing personal beyond their age and status in the team. And there had been Luca, attaching himself to Joey as soon as Joey had shown any interest in him which probably did some work in getting the other guys to lay off.

But a lot of it was Bood's genial protective aura and Joey would happily listen to him explain things about charcoal in repayment.

"You sure you don't want a beer?" Bood checked.

"Can't. Promised I'd drive Luca home later and I think he's three deep already," Joey said.

"Yeah, but you're probably not going for hours."

"It's okay," they said. "I can do one afternoon with lemonades."

"You're a good one," Bood said. "You want a sausage? Turkey, I promise. Hollander won't do pork either."

"Sure, thanks,"

They were halfway through a pretty excellent sausage when a shadow was cast over them. They looked up and up at Coach Price.

"Hey, coach. How was your summer?"

"Excellent. Finally drove the Sea to Sky. It's just as pretty as they say. You?"

"Good. Jersey is less scenic, but it was nice to be home for a bit."

"That's great. Hey, do you want to meet my boyfriend?"

Shit. Shit. SHIT. Joey very much did not want to meet Fabian Salah, but there was absolutely no good way to decline.

"Uh, sure. When?" Please say at some later date.

"He came," Price said with evident pleasure. "So now."

Why now? As Joey reluctantly got to their feet. They scanned the crowd for anyone who might understand their plight. Luca would help, but he was sitting on the far end of the deck, talking with a lot of hand gestures at Lisa and Wyatt about something. Harris would be the most helpful, but he and Barrett were being peak couple-y, whispering to each other and gazing at each other adoringly.

For a single, totally asinine moment, Joey wished the Pikes were here. They'd been invited, but Joey had had no smooth way to ask someone if they were coming. The group chat had been silent about the matter. Surely they would be here already? Then again, it was an open invite for most of the afternoon into the evening.

What would they do anyway? They didn't know Joey that well, certianly not well enough to intervene.

Price led them inside where a few people had gathered to get a break from the summer sun. Standing by a window in a garment that was more gauzy layers than an actual shaped piece of clothing was Fabian. He looked very beautiful and small in the oversized chaos of the party. There was makeup, a full beat, pretty and dainty like the rest of him.

Joey dug out a smile as Price said, "Fabian, this is Joey, Joey, this is my boyfriend, Fabian."

"Nice to meet you," Fabian said and held out his hand.

"You too," Joey said, shaking. "I've heard your music. Really great stuff."

"Thanks, that's kind of you to say."

"Joey plays violin too," Price supplied.

Fuuuuuuck.

"Do you?" Fabian's professional smile stayed up.

"Yeah, I mean, just for fun these days," Joey shrugged.

"They're being modest," Price said. "You should've seen them when Harris finally got them to play for us. It was impressive."

Joey shook their head, "Don't set me up, coach. I'm good, not great."

"So you played in high school?" Fabian asked, small talk friendly.

"And in Princeton until I got called up," Joey said evenly. "I was angling for a music major because I thought it'd be easy. Big mistake. But it wound up not mattering."

"You got into Princeton for violin and you play hockey?" Fabian asked.

"I never wanted to go professional with it," Joey said, desperately wishing for a comet to hit the whole house. "Hockey always mattered more and I was always better at it."

"But you still play?" Fabian asked.

"Yeah, I mean. I love it. You can love two things," and shit, that had been a little hard-edged. Pull it back, pull it back.

"Ryan!" Someone yelled from the kitchen. "Can you get the serving bowls? I can't find Cassie's step-stool."

"Duty calls," Ryan sighed and stepped away.

Fabian gave Joey a very evaluating look, then said with what seemed like amusement, "You don't like me very much, do you?"

"I don't know you," Joey said quickly. "I'm sure you're great. We all love coach, you know. He's been really great to me. So I assume you're also pretty great."

"No, you don't," Fabian took a small sip of his drink. "You don't like me. Why?"

Joey pressed their tongue into their cheek. Why was he forcing this? Couldn't Joey politely detangle themselves and go about their afternoon with their very nice team and their very nice partners? Then pour their inebriated, excitable bestie into their car and spend the night thrashing each other in FIFA?

"I don't know where you're getting that from," Joey said instead.

"Your whole everything gives it away. It looked like Ryan dragged you over here at gunpoint. I know his friend matchmaking is a little clumsy, but I promise he means well."

"I know he does," Joey said tiredly. "Look, you really want to know?"

"Yes," Fabian said. "I'm very curious what I could've done to piss you off this much, considering it can't be the obvious unless you're a first degree self-hater."

"I don't dislike you. I dislike your fans. I've been giving you the benefit of the doubt that you don't know what they're up to, but it's hard to break it apart in my head. So," Joey sighed. "I was never going to say anything. Seemed wrong to hold it against you, but I do a little."

"My fans?" Fabian stood up a little stranger, some of the affect falling away. "What did they do?"

So he really hadn't known. That made Joey feel a little better.

"It's stupid. Just a hashtag thing. It didn't go viral or anything."

"Must be some hashtag to make you that upset," Fabian said. "Ryan always says you're fairly level headed for a rookie."

Joey ran their tongue over their teeth. "They started tagging me in things with the hashtag #discountfabian after I came out."

"Why?" Fabian asked, eyes wide in bewilderment.

"Oh come on, you know why. I'm GNC, play the violin and I play under your boyfriend. They keep accusing me of trying to mimic you or trying to steal him away or something. Which is obviously stupid on like fifty levels. I hadn't even listened to your music until they started in on me. But now I can't post anything about my own without a few of them showing up to take shots at me. It's fucking annoying, so I quit."

"I promise I had no idea," Fabian said. "Really! I don't even follow the team or anything. Ryan is hopeless with social media, so he wouldn't see it."

"Yeah. Well. Maybe you should be following the team," Joey said bitterly. "Because you do impact us. You're too famous now not to."

"That's a little much."

"So's five people calling me a golddigging whore every time I mention a bow, but I soldier on," Joey said. "Price gave me a pat on the back during playoffs and they acted like I got on my knees for it."

This was veering towards the cathartic which was even more dangerous. None of this was actually Fabian's fault, they reminded themselves. They were just out there doing their thing and people sucked.

"They called you a whore?"

"Calling. It's quieter right now," Joey pulled their phone, opened their DMs and showed them to Fabian. "Uh, some of those are just people sliding in to my DMS, but I think you can tell by the usernames who's who. Sorry about the dick pics, I didn't want them either."

"I get those too," Fabian said, biting his lower lip as he scrolled. And scrolled. And scrolled. "Joey, really, I'm sorry. I'll post something about it. Get them to back off."

"Harris says the best defense is to say nothing," Joey sighed.

"Some of these are awful!" Fabian groaned and finally handed Joey's phone back to them. "Why are people like this? Some of those weren't my fans though. Some are-"

"I know. I get seven different flavors of hate some days, but that happens to all of us. But you can see why someone adding to the noise makes me grumpy," Joey said and shoved their phone back in their pocket.

"I take Harris' point, but I think I will say something. At the very least, you and I have more in common than not, don't you think?"

"I mean on the surface, sure," Joey gave them a tight smile. "But I know you're not crazy about hockey and it's kind of 90% of my personality, so."

"Does Ryan say that?" Fabian asked, quietly, a little small.

"No! No. All he does is rave about you," Joey said quickly. They couldn't throw Price under the bus like that. "We know he's crazy about you. It's more that you're just…not around? Like some of the partners don't come out much, but they do show sometimes. Lisa just can't most of the time with her schedule, but she goes to the really big games. But the only other no-show is Dillion's girl and we all know she kind of hates him. The way Ryan talks about you, we know you love him. So it has to be the hockey."

"Oh," Fabian fiddled with his cup. "I didn't think anyone would notice."

"They wouldn't on most other teams. But the Centaurs notice. Too much sometimes. We're nosy," Joey said and now they felt genuinely shitty. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said any of that."

"Maybe. I pushed it out of you though."

They stood their awkwardly for a few seconds before Joey blew out a breath. "Did Price have to climb a mountain to get that platter or does he think we're getting along?"

"Probably the second one," Fabian said. "He's surprisingly optimistic these days."

"Love does that to you, I've heard," Joey offered.

"It can," Fabian gave them a small, but realer smile than the first one.

"Uh, and also Hollander actually knows your name? I know that seems like nothing, but until like three months ago he thought Cardi B was a man, so you know. It's a pretty big compliment."

"Please help me," Fabian whispered. "Which one is Hollander again? I know I've met him, but I've been meeting so many people this year, I can't keep faces in my head."

Wow. They really lived in different worlds. Joey pointed out to the deck where Hollander had been looped into a game of flip cup, patiently waiting his turn. "That one, who is about flip it perfectly on the first go."

"Oh! Him! The gorgeous one," Fabian laughed quietly. "I had no idea hockey was so pretty until Ryan started coaching you all."

"Thanks, we try," Joey said. "Some of us harder than others."

"Hey," Price reappeared with a plate. "Fabian, you've got to try this corn souffle thing."

"I left my plate," Joey said quickly, taking the opening. "I better go make sure no one's run off with it."

Instead of heading back to the deck though, Joey went out the front. They needed a second to quiet their head.

There was a dog on the front steps. Anya wagged her tail, but didn't get up as they sat down beside her.

"Where's your person?" Joey asked her, letting her sniff their fingers before giving her thorough head scratches.

"I cruelly abandon her," Rozanov said and Joey only didn't leap out of their skin because they'd smelled the cigarette smoke. "Is the party boring you?"

"No. Are you out here because you're bored?"

"No," Rozanov gestured with his cigarette. "I am being polite and not doing this on the deck even though no one would smell it over all the other smoke."

"And the baby," Joey said.

"Yes, yes, and the baby's tiny pink lungs," Rozanov took a drag and blew the smoke away from the steps. "You did not like Fabian?"

"You saw that?" Joey grimaced. "Did everyone see that? We weren't loud, were we?"

"No. No one else was paying attention. They see you two together and go 'oh yes, liked minded people' and keep talking."

"But not you, coach," Joey groaned. "Isn't it exhausting being you all the time?"

"Constantly," Rozanov snorted. "Gives me headache every night, but Shane is very good at neck massages."

"Right, sure. I'm pretty sure he'd be good at macrame if he tried it."

"Rope tying is interesting," the grin was pointy. Joey could not think about it. They had no idea how Luca had the balls to hug their coach with such freedom all the time. Rozanov still scared the shit out of them sometimes and they had watched him coo at a baby all day recently.

"I should like Fabian," Joey said instead of engaging with all that.

"Why?"

"Because we do have a shit ton in common. And I don't have any gender queer friends around here. One would be nice."

"You have them elsewhere?" Rozanov asked.

"Yeah, back home. My best friend from high school transitioned our senior year and I know some other people from college. I miss having that community."

Rozanov cocked his head to one side. "You were out? Before Ottawa?"

"Yeah. I mean, not to everyone, but my family and most of my friends. Some of the hockey team. Not the assholes."

"You gave that up to play for us?"

Joey shrugged, "I was always going to have to if I went pro. I knew that. It's a choice I made. I was just lucky that I got to unmake it. Not sure I ever said thank you for that, but you know. Thanks."

"You're welcome," Rozanov said, but he was studying Joey intently which was rarely good. That's how you got extra drills or a very specific, often vaguely ominous, pep talk. "How long would you have gone without saying anything on another team?"

"Uh, until my career was over, I guess. My family knows. People I love know."

"This is enough for you?" The skepticism dripped off him.

Joey shrugged. "It was enough for you, wasn't it?"

"No," Rozanov said and ground his cigarette out on the bottom of his shoe. "It wasn't. Survival is not enough. We should do more than this."

"I love hockey," Joey clasped their hands together.

"Me too. Sometimes it does not love us back."

"This team does though. A lot. I like that."

Rozanov laid a hand on Joey's shoulder and gave it one quick squeeze. "So do I. If you're looking for a silver minivan, they will be here in ten minutes. Malyshka's afternoon nap delays them."

"Who?" Joey asked with a frown.

"Oh, you are very good," Rozanov said, narrowing his eyes. "Who teaches you to lie like this?"

Joey tilted their head back and gave them their best Luca eyes. "I think you're making a lot of assumptions, coach. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

A very specifically Rozanov noise of frustration punctuated the air. "Anya, come!" The dog clamored up to her feet and came to his side. "Hollander has had enough shots by now to be handsy."

"There's children present!"

"I will not scandalize you."

"I'm twenty-two! Not the children!"

"Infant!" Rozanov called out and then the door was closing behind him and Anya.

It was imperative that Joey go inside. If they were sitting here waiting when they showed up it would send such a weird message. Not only to their nosy coach, but to the Pikes themselves, who had likely already been weirded out by them lingering on move in day.

Joey should get up. They should join the party and figure out if Price hated them now. That would suck, Joey really liked him. They should find Luca and make him drink water so he wouldn't be too hungover in the morning. They should find Cassie and offer to help tidy a little, neaten the edges of things though likely the robust showing of WAGs weren't allowing her to do much.

Waiting had it's own gravity, a well that Joey had fallen into many times. It was much easier to sit and watch the road like Anya had been doing. A simple animal with longing in their heart.

Crushes were the fucking worst.

The minivan pulled up five minutes later. The Pikes were audible long before they were in view with the twins chattering a mile a minute and Jackie making soft listening noises. Doors opened and slammed shut, Hayden calling something out and Jackie responded. Then the whole clan appeared, the girls orbiting their parents, Arthur and Amber more regally carried in.

"Joey!" Jade cried out and came bounding forward despite some call back by her parents.

They knew it was Jade right away. The girls were identical in theory, but Jade was always a little neater and always in pants while Ruby was the mess in a dress.

"Hey, Jade," they said, holding their hand out for a fist bump. She tapped it and they both made blow up sounds with their mouths.

"Me too!" Ruby said and Joey repeated the ritual.

"Got one for me?" Hayden asked, suddenly upon them.

He was so handsome in late afternoon light. Arthur had apparently fought to be freed, toddling behind his sisters, so it was simply Hayden in a light green polo shirt and board shorts. The most dad outfit ever made, so why did Joey want to take a bite out of him?

"Sure," Joey grinned up at him and held out their fist for an appropriate blow up. "I heard someone's nap was holding you party animals back."

"Always," Hayden laughed. "Mostly mine and Jackie's. No one got enough sleep last night."

"Teething," Jackie sighed, coming up behind Hayden with a very sleepy looking Amber.

No matter what they said, neither of them looked tired. Jackie had done her hair and makeup, a lovely sundress floating around her. Her legs were tan and strong, her toenails painted pale pink. Joey could probably pick her up and twirl her, that dress catching the air like a rom com moment.

"I'm so sorry," Joey said with sympathy, their bizarrely pure, yet utterly sexual thoughts being firmly shoved behind them. "Are you giving your parents trouble, Amber? Rude of you. Come on, everyone's around the back."

Joey got to their feet and led them there. Maybe they'd be lucky and Rozanov had hustled Hollander inside.

They were not lucky. They were instantly sniped across the deck with a pointed stare and a long drink from a solo cup. Joey gave him the sunniest smile in their arsenal and then said,

"Have you met the Dykstras yet? Their kids are little older, but their youngest is only seven, I think."

"Introduce us?" Jackie asked.

So Joey got to pull the Pikes along with them and then fall back to use them as a social shield. The weibes arrived, only their youngest in tow, who beelined for the small clutch of older kids, who had claimed a small table. Jade and Ruby circled them hopefully and despite being too young for whatever phone thing was happening, they were accepted into the fold. The coaches and their partners started to gravitate together at the low bench where Joey had been eating before, leaving the rest of the party a little more raucous.

"Lots of new names," Hayden said under his breath. He'd been repeating them like that as they went. Dykstra, Caitlin, LaPointe, Diane, Boyle, Allie like a spell for memory.

They made it to the food at last, Jackie assembling her plate with tiny spoonfuls of each thing until she had a full rainbow of sides and a stack of ribs in the middle while Hayden heaped things on.

"Why does this have a warning on it?" Hayden asked, tapping the sticky.

"Oh, that's mine. People are finicky about horseradish. I don't know why, it's great."

"You made this?" Hayden asked, and put some on his plate which was just…fine. Nothing.

"Yeah, it's easy. I'm not much of a cook, but I can do egg salad. Even brought an ice pack for it to sit on."

"Smart," Hayden deemed.

"Wow, that is strong!" Jackie said, apparently already digging in. "I like it. No, no, baby girl, not for you."

"I can take her if you want," Joey offered. "I ate already."

"Oh, that'd be great, thank you."

Amber was a good baby. Joey liked the weight of her in their arms and her big curious eyes.

There was a disturbance in the crowd and a spiked 'No!" followed by a blur of black. For a moment, Joey was on high alert, then all at once, there were hands on both their shoulders, scooting them a little out of the way. Rozanov's face was inches from theirs. He was smiling so wild and wide that he looked younger than Joey all at once.

"Hello, malyshka," he said, dropped a kiss on Amber's head then took off, almost shoving Hayden straight into the table.

"What the fuck?" Hayden demanded.

The streak of black went right for the stairs, taking them far too quickly. Anya followed after him, barking and circling around him like it was the best game ever.

"Get back here!" Hollander called out. "I was kidding!"

"No, you were not!" Rozanov yelled back and kept going.

And then Joey was, gently, relocated again this time with a blurry, "Sorry, excuse me."

Hollander put his hands on both the stair railings and just skipped them entirely, leaping down over six steps, landing solidly, then dashing off after Rozanov, who seemed find new speed once he was being truly pursued.

"Get back here, you asshole!"

"The children!" Rozanov was cackling wildly.

"What are they doing?" Jackie asked, her incredulous laugh setting off Hayden.

"I have no goddamn idea. Joey?"

"I try not to ask questions, man. Their mating rituals are very weird."

Anya, in her jubilance, tripped up Rozanov, who went down on his hands and knees hard for all of a second, but somehow tucked and rolled with it, sprang back to his feet and seconds before Hollander could snag the back of his t-shirt was off again, disappearing around the side of the house.

"Okay then," Bood said at the grill. "I've got steak left. Anyone want?"

"Yes," Hayden said. "And a strong drink. Please."

"If he breaks Hollander before the preseason starts, I'm going to have words with him," Wiebe said to Price.

"I think we should be equally, if not more concerned about our star player breaking him."

Hayden took a bite of egg salad, turned slightly pink and eyed the eggs like they might bite back. "Thank you. This is probably the only thing that's going to distract me from whatever the hell just happened."

Arthur, down around Hayden's knees and determinedly chewing on roll, paused and said, "Hell."

"Hayden," Jackie said with a heaving sigh.

"It could be worse?" Hayden attempted.

"I said shit in front of my entire nursery school class when I dropped my snack," Joey said. "My sister cut her hand making dinner the night before. My family tells that story at every holiday."

"See?" Hayden waved a hand at Joey. "It's a fun story!"

"Now," Jackie said sternly, but her mouth was twitching a little. Only made worse by the sounds of Rozanov's cackles reaching them, presumably from the front yard.

"What was all that about?" Barrett wandered over like somehow Joey would have the answers.

"I don't know, I wasn't anywhere near them. Ask Wiebe."

As a whole, they turned to their coach. Wiebe surveyd them mildly. "Yes?"

"You got any insight into that, coach?" Bood asked, smoke haloing him.

"And if I did?" Wiebe asked. "You want me telling people's secrets now?"

"Are we calling that a secret?" Barrett frowned. "It was pretty out in the open."

Price looked thoughtful than announced, "We have no fucking idea, actually. Hollander twitched a hand towards his pocket and Rozanov lost his damn mind."

"I was attempting to be mysterious," Wiebe sighed. "But yeah, no idea."

Dottie gave him a pat on the knee. "They're playing. It's sweet. Considering you all do it professionally, you'd think you'd recognize it when you see it."

It was playful. Even if it was also disturbing.

Amber thwapped her hand against Joey's cheek. "I agree," they told her. "Anyone want something to drink?"

What should have happened was that Joey joined Barrett and Lapointe in their generally quieter corner of the room and either talked or drank in relative silence while everyone else raged until Joey got the sign from Luca that fun was over for the night. They didn't mind that routine. Usually Harris would spend at least part of the night with them and they'd get the download on gossip from the party with none of the effort.

Tonight, Joey moved with the Pikes. Not super intentionally, it was only that Joey did have their baby and she was cuddly thing, content to chew on her fist and watch the world from their arms. So it only made sense that Joey stuck to them. But she did fall asleep eventually, back where she rightfully belong in the circle of Hayden's arms. Joey could've retreated.

The Pikes were under assault of friendliness though and it wasn't hard to post up with them, whispering details to them to make stories make more sense.

"Oh, it's getting late!" Jackie said, some molasses stretch of time later.

Hollander and Rozanov had returned eventually and Hollander had also joined their circle, talking quietly to Jackie or sitting like a wary soldier next to Hayden like the Centaurs et al might suddenly turn hostile. The girls had gathered up with Rozanov and Harris of all people, attempting to build a card house which never made it past a single floor.

Arthur was on Hollander's lap, studying the man's fingers like they held the secrets to the universe, slowly bending and unbending them over and over.

"Bedtimes," Hayden said grimly like he was portending the end of the world. Maybe he was, to their tiny version of it.

So they gathered up their children and made their goodnights. The girls hugged Rozanov and Hollander as Hayden picked Amber off of Jackie so she could stand up. He came to stand in front of Joey, those khaki shorts right in front of Joey's face again.

"Thanks for the subtitles," Hayden said with a wink. The light was fading, he had a child in his arms.

Joey was still seized by the intense desire to bury their face into his crotch. Because they were human and lonely and it had been longer than they'd like to think. Because Hayden was hot and kind and rough in the way Joey liked.

Because Jackie was sliding her arm over Hayden's shoulders, two titans of beauty looming over them, sunset caught in their hair.

"Good night, Joey," Jackie smiled at them. "Oh! Can you give me your number? I'd love to get that recipe off you. I know you probably already have Hayden's from the group chat, but he never remembers to ask the important questions."

"The important questions are how can she cram more culinary knowledge into her head, so she can keep out cooking everyone she knows."

"It's not a competition," Jackie said with a shake of her head, then leaned down to give her number to Joey. Her dress gaped away from her bra and Joey fought valiantly to keep their eyes on hers. "But if it was, I'd be winning."

Joey laughed and hoped it didn't sound as lightly unhinged as they felt. They gave Jackie their number and got hers in return.

"Promise to send it?" Jackie asked, still in their personal space.

"Absolutely," Joey said. "It's like five ingredients, it'll take me ten seconds."

"Thank you," she said and then as if it was simply natural, she brushed a kiss against their cheek. There was a floral scent in her hair, lingering even as she stood upright again. "Good night."

"Good night," Joey said.

Jackie scooped up Arthur reluctantly, who smashed his face into her neck as she gave Hollander a squeeze on the shoulder (very much not a kiss on the cheek). A chorus of waves and goodbyes went over the party as they left.

As if it were a bathtub with a pulled drain, everyone started gathering their things. Luca darted to Joey's side, his hair smashed flat on one side.

"What happened to you?" Joey asked.

"I accidentally fell asleep on Chouinard's shoulder," Luca shrugged. "You know."

"I gotta tell you that I absolutely do not."

"He's a restful person."

"Are we talking about the same man?"

"Can we go?" Luca kicked at Joey's shoe.

"Yeah," Joey said.

"You're coming over, right?"

"Where else am I going?"

They didn't do more than generally wave at the crowd, the goodbyes understood. Joey drove them back to Luca's disaster apartment. They played video games until Luca feel asleep again, this time on Joey's thigh. It was sweet and a little sad. The two of them were similar shaped bits of driftwood washed up on the same foreign shore. At least Joey was still in the same timezone as their family.

While Luca slept, Joey texted Jackie the short recipe. It wasn't much. Would she like their mother's brisket recipe? That seemed a bridge too far. Too much assumption. They weren't friends.

Joey dropped their head to the back of the couch.

"What?" Luca muttered.

"You're asleep," Joey said.

"You're thinking too hard, it's keeping me awake."

"You have a whole ass bed, what is your deal with falling asleep on people?"

Luca shrugged, pulling down the blanket from the back of the couch over him. Doubling down. "Someone said you were fighting with Price's boyfriend."

"Ugh, Rozanov said no one else noticed that," Joey said. "I wasn't. Or I was, I guess. I don't know. It wasn't anything important."

"I like his music."

"Yeah. It's good."

Luca hummed low. "You know you can tell me things."

"I know," Joey said.

They couldn't tell him everything though. Luca talked a big game, but he was a small town boy in a lot of ways. There was only eighteen months between them, but sometimes it felt like a hundred years.

I want to fuck a married couple would go over like a barrel of bricks.

"You should go to bed," Joey told him.

Luca didn't respond. Asleep again. In an hour or so, Joey would gently push him and shove a pillow under his head, then go sleep in Luca's bed. There were worse patterns. At least there'd be breakfast with someone else.

This was Joey's life right now. The comfort of a safe place to themselves, the ice, the game, and people they could trust all around them. Recipes exchanged. Pats on the back.

Rage on their socials.

An emptiness in their bed.

For years, they had wanted the glory of going pro. They had chopped off vital pieces of themselves and fed them to the fire of their own ambition. Then they'd gotten it and was even better than they hoped. The right team, a best friend.

But maybe Joey was made to hunger. It wasn't enough.

They fell asleep between one want and the next.

Thank fuck the game finally came for them scooping them back up it's cold embrace and depositing them on the ice, in layers of protection and surety.

Well. What should've been surety.

Wiebe and Rozanov were on the ice, weaving around and talking to players as they stretched. The new guys culled from the herd in training camp were dotting the ice. The new rookies, Holmberg and Young had posted up by Joey and Luca with the same detection Joey had used the year before to attach themselves to Luca. They weren't proud of it, but someone your own age with just a hair more experience sometimes felt safer than the vets.

"What kind of coaches are they?" Holmberg asked. He was a massive guy, hunching in small, eyes darting after them. "Seemed okay at camp, but it's hard to tell sometimes."

"They're great. Rozanov sounds harsh, but he's not really," Luca said immediately.

"Wiebe is the best," Joey said loyally. "Really invested and they mean all the stuff they say. If you're not a dick, you'll like it here."

"I don't think I'm a dick," Holmberg said.

Young frowned, he was an awkward assemblage of a person, but when he spoke he had a pleasantly mellow voice. "I try not to be one. Is that good enough?"

"Mostly!" Luca said cheerfully.

"Ah, here is the nursery," Rozanov cruised to a stop before them. "Rookies, you are Price's business. He will be here tomorrow. Dykstra has drills for you for now. He is the one waving at you like he is trying to land a plane on his head."

Holmberg and Young skated off, apparently relieved to end the contact there.

"Haas."

"Yes, coach?"

"Go to Hollander. He will knock any rust off you and Barrett."

"Yes, coach!" Luca knocked his shoulder to Joey's and took off.

"Yolen," Rozanov said, a very sly smile on his lips, "come with me."

"Okay," Joey followed. They'd probably follow Rozanov into war if he gave the order, but that didn't mean they wouldn't have some concerns about it.

"Pike! Bood!" Rozanov called out.

The three of them assembled loosely around him, all equally confused by this grouping. Hayden gave Joey a hopeful look, but all they had for him was a confused shrug.

"What's up?" Bood asked as Rozanov regarded the three of them,

"We did not find the center we were looking for at camp. Drafts, nothing," Rozanov said. "But Price is very very good at tapes now. Including preseason tapes from last year. Pike, explain."

"Explain what?" Hayden asked warily.

"Why are you playing center against Philadelphia? And how did you do it well?"

"Oh," Hayden tapped his fingers against his stick. "It's not that weird. I started as a center. Came up as one. And then…you know. Hollander. We worked well together."

"But you still know how."

"Switch it up in practice sometimes to keep things interesting," Hayden said as if this was no big deal. "And it was kind of a shit show last preseason for…well. So. Yeah. I guess I did do that. It was only one game."

"You won all your face offs."

"Yeah," Hayden said. "I guess so."

Joey was beginning to see a picture forming. They risked a glance at Bood, who was nodding slowly. "Do we have enough time to figure that out?"

"Second line, preseason? Yes. We will experiment. Pike? I'm going to make your life very very difficult."

"What else is new, coach?" Hayden asked with a wry grin. "At least now we're on the same side."

"Eh," Rozanov said, but he still had on his smug sly smile. "Joey, Bood. Pike. Second line. Yes?"

"Yes, coach," they all chimed.

On the one hand, Joey was relieved not to give up their position. On the other hand, a barely tested center, who had played the same position for years was wild. Then again, where else would they put Pike? Third line? Or would they push Joey there? They could live with it. It would sting a little though.

The first day of real practice, they didn't even get into it. It was drills on drills, waking their bodies back up to the demand. Joey went home too tired to think about what had occurred. In theory.

In reality, they landed on their bed, pulled out their phone, stared at a contact, threw the phone down, picked it back up, considered their life choices and then started typing.

Joey: Curveball today. Hope you're okay with it.

There was no immediate reply. Why would there be? Joey scrubbed at their face, rolled off the bed and went to go make themselves something to eat. They really needed to cool this off. It had been bad enough over the summer, but they were in it now. The season couldn't be disrupted by all of this.

They heated up soup and made toast, meal plan whirling in their head again. Workout routines had been strictly adhered to all summer long, but they had definitely indulged themselves and wandered from the stricter path. Time to buckle down again.

Their phone buzzed as they sat down to eat.

Hayden: Just sorry if it drags down your pre-season. Kind of excited though.

Joey: I never played center.

Hayden: Not ever? Not even as a kid? They let us all take a turn back then.

Joey: I didn't start playing until I was fourteen. My parents hate contact sports.

Hayden: How'd you convince them?

Joey: Begging. Lying for awhile. I went to high school practices and said I was doing string quartet. When they found out it was a whole thing, but I'd already used my b'nai mitzvah money to buy all my equipment.

Hayden: Damn. You really wanted it.

Joey: I did. So you can't ruin my preseason. I'm exactly where I want to be. Right wing in a real pro team. Playing with some of the best guys in the league.

Hayden: When you put it that way, it's hard to worry about being tired.

Joey: You got through four newborns. You must have some tiredness survival methods.

Hayden: Appreciate the vote of confidence.

It would have been rough if Hayden had sucked at it. Joey would've done their best to make him look good, working twice as hard to do the usual. They would have busted out platitudes and said everything was fine until the coaches changed their minds and switched things back up. Joey would've accepted wherever they wound up as a result, grumbling a little, but still there at least.

The first two or three practices, it even looked like the might go that way. Except in the locker room there was no sense of defeat or failure around Hayden. He didn't ask for reassurances or brag or beat himself up. Hayden listened to the banter and chirps with a faint smile on his face. He spoke to Hollander in a short hand of jokes and half-completed sentences.

He talked to Joey, even though he often had to look around Dykstra's broad back to do so.

"Any plans for the day off?" he'd ask. Or, "Do you watch Blown Away? It's this glass making competition show. Jackie is binging it and now I'm hooked too."

Just regular questions and chatter. Attention paid. It would be fine if Hayden spread it around. He was certainly friendly enough, replying to anyone who addressed him. But he only really asked Hollander and Joey questions.

"You two want me to leave?" Dykstra laughed one afternoon, as they ducked around him to be heard.

"Nah, man," Hayden said. "It's good agility training."

It would have sucked if Hayden wasn't any good. But Joey could've figured it out. They could've watched the player they'd admire for years do the thing he did best.

Hayden didn't suck.

He wasn't Shane Hollander, but who the fuck was? Even Hollander wasn't always Hollander. Sometimes he made mistakes, sometimes he was tired, sometimes he missed. But no, Hayden wasn't Hollander. Maybe he'd never make a hall of fame or be mentioned among The Greats.

But he was damn good. He was fun to play with. Joey had always liked being aligned with Bood, but having a decent center made it a thousand times better. Rozanov worked the three of them like he was trying to squeeze every last drop of juice from an orange with his fingernails, but it helped, so Joey didn't give a damn if they collapsed every night like a puppet with cut strings.

Preseason matches were low stakes. A chance to work out kinks. Toronto came in laughing and throwing elbows. Robbed of their former douche king (per usual: Fuck, Dallas Kent), they were still full of their share of dickheads. Toronto left with a few early lessons learned, smarting from the strength of the defeat.

"Who wants to go out?" Dillion yelled over the din and a convergence of bodies were on him.

Joey hung back.

"No?" Luca checked.

"No," Joey said. "I'm done, man. Next time. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. I'm going to go to make sure Young and Holmberg don't get lost."

"A real vet now, huh?" Joey grinned.

"I know more than them," Luca said with a shrug. "That's all I need."

As a truckload of the guys headed out, Hayden was just coming out of the showers. He looked tired, but satisfied, stepping in front of his stall to change. Joey averted their eyes and concentrated on getting their gear stowed the way they preferred it.

"You're not going to hit the club?" Hayden asked. "Why not?"

Joey sat down to pull on their socks. "I don't know. Not in the mood. Tired."

Hayden didn't say anything for a second and Joey figured that was the end of it.

"Jackie saved the season finale of Blown Away to watch tonight and she does a second dinner kind of thing when I've got home games. Obviously, we both ate already, but she saves a little of whatever she made for the kids and we share some."

"Yeah?" Joey could imagine them comfortable on the couch, shared plate in their laps. Probably all the lights of, only the television painting them in pale blue and white. "That sounds pretty good."

"It is," Hayden said and for a moment, Joey was almost positive he was going to say something else, some fleeting tension in the air. But it dissipated. "Wow, that must sound boring as hell to you. If some old married told me that at twenty-two I would've made gagging noises."

"Why?" Joey frowned, reaching for their sneakers.

"I still went out back then. I mean me and Jackie were already married, but you couldn't talk like that and not get ridden out of town."

Joey made a gagging noise now. "I hate that shit. In college, the guys were like that. Always making fun of the guys who actually liked their girlfriends. I always thought that was the point. To be with someone you wanted to hang out with. But they acted like that was gayer than being gay. I don't really know what's wrong with straight people, but I think maybe you guys need to reassess your priorities."

Hayden had been halfway through putting on his own socks, but now he was staring at Joey like they might combust.

"Uh, wow. Tell me how you really feel."

"Not you, sorry," Joey sighed. "You and Jackie are pretty good about it from what I've seen. And really none of the marrieds here are like that. But I'm not making fun of you guys liking to hang out with each other, that's crazy."

"It is kind of crazy," Hayden said slowly like it was a revelation. "I didn't know you weren't…can you be straight if you're non-binary? That's probably a stupid question. Sorry."

"You have no idea the door you just opened," Joey laughed quietly. "I mean, yeah, sure. Anyone can be anything. It's words. But I don't know many who do identify that way. I'm into whatever. People more than gender."

That made Hayden's brow furrow so hard Joey was a little worried they'd given the man a migraine.

"So you just…don't care about it? Bodies?" Hayden asked slowly.

"Wouldn't that be nice?" Joey grumbled. He was not thinking about the breadth of Hayden's shoulders or the momentary glimpse down Jackie's dress, the valley of shadow between her breasts where one might perfectly slot their mouth. "Trust me, I care. I'm just not specific in my interests."

"Oh. So. You don't have like a 'type'?"

This was painful. Joey cast around for salvation, but the locker room was rapidly emptying. And maybe…maybe deep down they didn't really want to be saved. It was a little awkward and a little annoying to explain themselves, but it was also kind of hot that Hayden was interested.

They were so fucking gone. They needed an intervention.

"Physically? Not exactly. I guess I tend towards other athletes, but that's more because that's who I'm around all the time."

"I loved that Jackie played soccer," Hayden said like it was a secret. Like Joey hadn't watched his eyes almost roll out of his head as she'd bounced around Bood and Nick that day.

Joey had liked it too. She was so sure and nimble, even after what must've been years away from collegiate play. The way she'd taken such a deeply unserious game and refused to let them joke about it had been impressive.

The way she'd immediately trusted Joey to read her, eyes meeting over and over with tiny indications of where to go had been straight up smoking hot.

"She still plays."

"Not as much as she wants," Hayden sighed and scrubbed at his chin. "But maybe she find something around here. She's always a little weird about babysitters and nannies. Spring is tough…I don't know."

"Hey, if she just needs extra hands so she can get some time off, count me in," Joey offered.

"Yeah?"Hayden flashed them a brief smile. "Thanks. Only problem is you're on the same schedule as me and our other regular guy."

Hollander was nearly out the door, but seemed to know he'd been evoked because he swerved to give Hayden a nod. "Decent work out there."

"Decent!" Hayden protested.

Hollander broke out into smile. "You know. Little better than shit?"

"Get over here," Hayden launched to his feet and then he and Hollander started slapping at each other.

Joey picked up their bag and made to step around them to go.

"Hey, wait," Hayden said as he attempted and failed to get Hollander in a headlock. "I was actually going to ask if you wanted to come over and eat with us."

Joey stopped dead in their tracks, their mind only giving them back an arena full of cheering. "What? I mean. I thought- kind of like a date night thing for you guys, right?"

"Better not be," Hollander said, getting a hand on Hayden's chest and holding him at bay. "I do second dinner with them all the time."

"Not recently," Hayden kicked at him, missing by a mile. "You can bring along your plus one or whatever next time."

"I am 'whatever' now," Rozanov said from the doorway, startling Joey. "What an upgrade. Not tonight. Next time. We have plans."

"We do?" Hollander asked, his surprise not preventing him from poking Hayden in the ribs and getting his hand slapped away.

"Yes," Rozanov said, face utterly blank, eyes sparkling. "Unless you want to…I don't even know what you are doing."

"Intricate rituals which allow you to touch the skin of other men," Joey said under their breath. Hollander and Hayden didn't hear, but Rozanov barked a laugh.

"When did you become funny?" Rozanov asked. "You should try this more often. Are you coming or not, Hollander?"

"What's the alternative?" Hollander asked, but he was already stepping away and retrieving his bag. "Night, Hayd. Night, Yolen."

"Good night," Joey said.

Then it was just him and Hayden. "So? Coming?"

"Yes," Joey said.

Shit. 'No' was the correct answer. How had 'yes' come out of their mouth?

They walked down to the parking garage together and when Joey stopped at their car, Hayden stopped to. "This is yours?"

"Yeah," Joey grinned. "Like it?"

"Are you fucking kidding? This is hot," Hayden studied the Hellcat. "I'm not really a car guy, but yeah, that is a hot car. Damn. You like electric blue a lot, huh?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess," Joey said, feeling weirdly perceived for such a small observation.

"I didn't picture you in a muscle car. No idea why. Cool though. Okay, I'll meet you at the house. Promise we won't hold you hostage for long. It's just food and one show."

"That's okay. Thanks for inviting me."

"Any time!" Hayden said brightly and walked off towards his car.

They got behind the wheel, then rested their forehead against it. What were they doing?

Going. That's what. Joey sat up straight and turned the car on. Hayden had invited them. It had been an earnest invitation. Just to hang. To eat dinner, watch Blown Away and get the fuck out. That was fine. Normal. Something Hayden had done with Hollander for years and apparently wanted to keep doing. A friend thing.

As soon as they were underway, they hit a button the steering wheel. "Text Sal."

"What would you like to say to Sal?" Siri asked them.

"Miss you. Please tell me that nothing can come of me having a crush on two aggressively hetero married people. I'm dying."

Siri read it back to them and Joey sighed. "Send message?"

"No. Cancel," Joey said. Sal would only send laughing emojis anyway. If he had time to answer them at all.

Hayden was pulling into the garage as Joey came down the drive. He stood shadowed by the overhead light, waving Joey in. Coming into the house through the garage on Hayden's heels, they found it further transformed from moving day. Pictures that Joey vaguely recalled from their one visit to the Montreal house had been hung up on the wall blank wall by the television: Jackie in a cap and gown, Hayden holding up his first Metros jersey, the two of them at their wedding so happy they were blinding and Jackie's stomach gently rounded, four pictures of newborns in a row with special silver frames that spelled out names and birthdays, the twins on tiny tricycles, Hollander asleep on the couch with a baby plastered to him, Hayden holding a huge pumpkin with Ruby astride it, Jackie tossing Jade in the air, Arthur putting together a puzzle with as serious expression, and at least a dozen Christmas pictures.

Jackie was in the kitchen which now looked properly lived in. She pulled something from the oven, setting it down before Hayden swooped in to kiss her hello.

"Joey!" She smiled at them, seemingly delighted they had crashed this little ritual. "I have chickpea stew or broccoli, mac and cheese. Which do you want?"

"Chickpea stew, please," Joey gravitated toward her. "Thanks for having me over. Sorry if I'm intruding."

"I invited you," Hayden reminded them. "Kick off your shoes, stay awhile."

"Happy to have you," Jackie agreed. "Babe, can you get the show up?"

"Sure thing," and even though there was plenty of kitchen, Hayden slid by Joey, putting a hand on their shoulder to ease by. His fingers were warm even through their shirt.

"Help yourself to something to drink from the fridge," Jackie said. "The game looked good. How'd it feel?"

"Good," Joey said and darted to the fridge just to occupy themselves. "Like possibility. I think we can do it if they let us."

"Ilya must be smug," Jackie said.

"Oh, he's already gloating," Hayden called from the living room. "I'm never going to hear the end of it! And he's got us doing extra shit every single practice. Sorry, Joey."

"It's fine," Joey said, bending over to pluck out can of seltzer. "I like hard work."

When Joey straightened back up, Jackie was turning around, mouthing something at Hayden. Who was now looking at her, but Joey felt something snap in the air. They had not allowed themselves to believe whatever they thought they had clocked from Hayden at the Montreal house. They had certainly not let themselves think that Jackie's eyes had occasionally lingered on their lips on moving in day (even if they had assiduously reapplied lipgloss to get her attention and was almost positive they'd seized it).

But this time, Joey was dead certain they had both been looking at their ass.

"You don't get that kind of muscle if you don't," Jackie said lightly.

Red alert. RED ALERT.

"Yeah, well. I like the gym. Gets my mind right," Joey said absently.

"Certified gym hater," Hayden said waving at himself. "I do my time, obviously, but I think I'm a runner at heart."

"It was one of the things we used to do together in the early days," Jackie said, back still to Joey. "Even when we had the girls, we had this great running stroller and we'd switch off with it. I doubt I could keep up now."

"She's full of it," Hayden said, shaking his head. "She still uses the treadmill and she's faster than me."

"But my endurance isn't as good as it used to be," she mourned. "I'll build it back up eventually."

Joey could think of a few endurance activities they wouldn't mind trying with her and the thought immediately cycled through a clip show of things so filthy they were terrified it was written all over their face.

They opened their seltzer, resisted the urge to press the cold can to their face, and drank deeply. "Anything I can help with?"

"No, you're all right, we usually eat in the living room for this. It's not great for the furniture, but it's already seen the horrors of so many juice box spills that it barely matters."

Jackie and Hayden sat on one end of the sectional and Joey purposely sat on the other end. Not far enough away to be rude, but enough space that they were clearly separated. Joey held their bowl close to their chest and considered the merits of just outright asking what was going on here. To bide time, they shoved a spoonful of the thick stew in their mouth.

"What the fuck," they whispered as they chewed and swallowed than stared into the depths of the multicolor miracle before them. "That's one of the best things I've ever eaten."

"You like it? It's a new recipe. We got takeout from this really lovely vegan place with Shane and Ilya last week. The chef has her own cookbook."

Joey didn't worry about possible ogling for a blissful ten minutes because they were concentrating on eliminating the contents of their bowl. When they reached bottom, Jackie plucked it out of their hands and winking smile asked, "Are you a no sugar during the season person or do you want a brownie?"

"Brownie," Joey said immediately, even though they were usually dessert free. Surely intense sexual confusion should at least come with a sweet treat?

"Good choice," Hayden praised. He was so relaxed on the couch that he might as well have been boneless.

The show was probably good too. Joey had no idea. They were fixated on consumption and then on trying not to stare at the Pikes like they were still starving. They knew their opinion was asked a few times and they gave it. They might even have been clever since there was laughter, but for the life of them, they had no memory of it later.

"I should go," they said as soon as the credits came up. "I- yeah."

"Oh," Jackie said, an edge of disappointment, even as she looked at her phone. "Yeah, it is getting near to my bedtime too."

"You should walk them out," Hayden said. "You can't believe this car, Jacks. It's awesome."

"Well, if it's awesome," she grinned and got to her feet. "Let's see it."

She slid on sneakers and followed Joey out into the driveway. A security light triggered, bathing the Hellcat in eerie sharp white as they approached it.

"A Dodge?"

"Yeah. I know. Maybe not the best make, but I've wanted something like it since I was a kid."

Jackie asked a few questions about it, and it became abundantly clear who was behind car purchases in the Pike family.

"You're the car guy," Joey said.

"Of the two of us? Definitely, but I'm still not that into it," she admitted. "Enough to get a good deal and all. I wouldn't mind a ride one of these days though."

Another very detailed slide show started up and Joey ruthlessly hit 'ESC' in their mind. Jackie was in front of them. They couldn't do the thousand one things they wanted to do. Couldn't say the ready thing that came to their lips. No more than they could've told Hayden that they could certainly sweeten the deal of Ottawa any way he wanted them to.

The thing was, Joey was good at this. In college, they had oozed their way through bars and clubs they weren't supposed to be in, tiny clothes and heavy lidded eyes. Catching someone hot and taking them home wasn't hard. They'd had their first time on a narrow dorm bed with a senior, who had called them 'baby' and taught them the finer points of cunnilingus in a hands-on lesson that they could still recall in detail. They'd fucked and been fucked by hes, shes, thems, zies, and its, cramming in an education of bodies alongside pucks and strings.

Then they'd arrived in Ottawa and slowly, but surely, pulled away from all that. Attaining their goal had soothed the ever present hunger for more. Their focus had narrowed. They got lonely in a new way.

Until Rozanov had called them into a quiet hallway at a team luncheon after the playoffs.

"You have family in Montreal that you see before you go home?"

"Uh, yeah, probably. My aunt drove down to see one of the games, only seems right that I go visit. Just for a few days."

"I have an errand. In Montreal. You will like it," the gleam in Rozanov's eye had appealed to Joey.

The plane incident had shifted everyone's spirits a little, but it seemed to have cracked Rozanov open like an egg, all his playfulness and lust for life that they'd only seen glimpses of now seethed out of him. There was a game here. Joey liked games.

"What is it?" They asked.

"You know Hayden Pike?"

"Uh, not personally. I mean we've played him a few times. I know Luca said he met him, but I wasn't there that day."

"Yes, I know," Rozanov said patiently. "I mean you like how he plays for some reason."

"Uh, because he's one of the best right wingers in the game? I used to study his tapes," Joey didn't know why they were so defensive of a stranger, except they'd always liked Pike. There was something about the way he moved on the ice, the way he stood behind Hollander sometimes in interviews. Never demanding the spotlight, only present and ready if need be.

"The best," Rozanov said so skeptically that Joey's hackles fully raised.

"Yeah, coach. Sorry we're not all star centers, but sometimes you prima donnas need us, actually, to make you look half as good as you think you are," the words had snapped out of them and then the blood drained out of their face. "I mean. Oh no."

Rozanov's face had gone very still and then he had thrown back his head and laughed. "Yolen, where does all this come from? You are all smiles and fun, but there is furnace in you after all."

"Yeah, well," they knew they were as red as a tomato. "That was really out of line, coach. I'm sorry."

The smack on their shoulder was hard, but not mean. "No, no. No sorrys. Okay. You like him. Good. That makes this very easy. I need you to bring Pike a package and you must promise not to tell."

Outlining the task, Rozanov made it all seem very simple. No big deal. Bring the box, wait on Pike until he opened it, film his reaction for Harris, who would almost certainly want it and then take their leave. Easy.

It wasn't until Joey started to walk away, arrangements for box pick up already made, that Rozanov said, "One more thing."

"What's that?" Joey asked.

"Dress to impress," Rozanov winked at them and then he was gone, ducking back into the crowded room.

Joey was very good at following instructions. That was all.

In the end, they'd babysat and formed a crush roughly the size of the moon, making the whole plan backfire so spectacularly that it had shot Joey all the way here. To the Pike driveway, not making a joke about taking Jackie for a ride while her gorgeous husband was thirty feet and two walls away.

"Whenever you want," Joey said quietly, instead. "I'd love to show it off to you. I owe you for the meal anyway. It was great."

"You don't owe me anything," she said and then she was there again with her soft lips on their cheek. "Thanks for coming over. It's nice having another adult around and I think you're the only thing holding Hayden's sanity together on the ice right now. This whole thing has made him so nervous."

"He doesn't look nervous," Joey said, catching the floral shampoo again. Her hair swept against their cheek as she pulled back.

"Because he wants to look confident for you. It helps. Fake it 'til you make it, right?"

"He doesn't have to impress me," Joey said trying not to stare as she stayed a few seconds to long inches from their face. "I'm already won over."

"Are you?" Jackie studied them and finally took a step back. "That's good to know. Have a good night, Joey."

"Good night, Jackie."

They jerked off so furiously that night it was amazing they didn't sprain anything when they came. All they could imagine was Jackie's lips and Hayden's hands on them, a thousand points of possibility.

The other preseason game was out of town, on the road to Nashville. They won that one too with Hayden slapping in a beauty of a goal, assisted by Bood. The locker room was a joyful noise afterwards. Plans were made and discarded over and over, but Joey latched on to Luca this time and rode their way out to a bar. They dressed butch like they did away from home and flirted with a few ladies. When Luca started to go stiff around the edges, Joey was grateful for the excuse to go.

Hayden was in one of the armchairs the lobby, because of course he was. Hollander was sitting across from him, both of them on their phones. Roz and Wiebe had colonized a table not far away, but it was hard to tell if they were working on something or just shooting the shit.

"Was the bar a wash out that fast?" Hayden asked, somehow catching Joey as soon as they stepped inside.

"Too much of the wrong kind of music," Luca deemed. "Good night, I need to go wash out my ears."

"The music get to you too?" Hayden asked, bright and cheerful.

"No, but if Luca's done, then I'm done," Joey shrugged and despite themselves, drifted to the third chair in the cluster. "It wasn't really my scene anyway."

"Should've stayed with us. We really know how to party these days."

"Have you been here the whole time?" Joey guessed.

"We were going to go somewhere," Hollander said without looking up from his phone. "Then we sat down to wait for Bood, but I guess he fell asleep and we all just…didn't do shit."

"Wow. I can't wait to be thirty."

"I'm twenty-eight," Shane said without looking up.

"For like ten more minutes," Hayden rolled his eyes. "I'm twenty-nine. Thirty all too soon"

"Yeah, the deeply old age of thirty," Wiebe's voice carried over to them. "The ancient hills of thirty."

"Sorry, coach!" Joey called.

"Yeah, yeah," Wiebe laughed, then turned his attention back to whatever Rozanov was showing him.

"In fairness, we were never that good at the clubbing thing."

"I was better than you," Hollander said.

"In what universe?" Hayden scoffed.

"I kept doing it after you gave it up."

"Once a year maybe," Hayden gestured to Hollander, locking eyes with Joey. Very 'can you believe this guy'. "Does he look like a club guy to you?"

Joey dutifully looked over Hollander, who was currently in fitted jeans and a hoodie that absolutely didn't start off life as his given where it fit and where it distinctly did not.

"Depends on the club," Joey decided.

"Hm," Hayden narrowed his eyes. "I don't think I'm seeing the vision."

"Underestimating Hollander is a bad life choice from what I've seen," Joey shrugged. "So I'm not gonna."

"Smart," Hollander smiled down at his phone. "Some other people should remember that."

"Fuck off," Hayden said. "And don't fucking swear jar me. We're all adults here."

"So if I texted Jackie right now-"

"I will throw your phone in the toilet, so help me," Hayden said immediately.

They kept at it and Joey felt like they were sinking into a warm bath. The familiarity of happy bickering should not be so comforting, but Joey couldn't help how they were wired. It helped that Hayden was smiling the whole time and Hollander never saw fit to even make eye contact with him about it.

At the table, Rozanov occasionally scanned Hollander's face, was apparently pleased with what he found, then went on ignoring them.

Eventually, Joey did force themselves to go up to bed, leaving them all to their version of socializing. No one questioned why Joey had lingered there to begin with.

And that was a little how it went even as the season got underway. Twice more, Joey found themselves at the Pike house after home games, sometimes going over how it went with Jackie now included, the three of them hashing over the highs and lows, but usually it was second dinner and a TV show. Everything Jackie made tasted amazing and it was warm in their house. Cozy. Sometimes someone would get out of bed, and have to be ushered back to sleep. None of the kids were surprised to find Joey there, undisturbed by their presence.

There was more charged flirting that came to nothing. Just moments, flashing by Joey at top speed and leaving them more confused each time.

After the first game against Montreal, Hollander even came back with them, getting in Joey's passenger seat without much discussion.

"Rozanov isn't coming?"

"Sveta is home. They haven't had any time alone together," Hollander said as if that made perfect sense.

And because the Centaurs were a very sharing bunch, it entirely did. Joey had found Svetlana incredibly hot and very intimidating upon meeting her, so it made perfect sense that she was Rozanov's bestie.

The evening went as they always did, Hollander folded into the Pike home with ease. Joey only felt a little spike of jealousy that Hollander's presence interfered with Joey's insane game of pretend that things had already worked out and that they were simply having a night in before going to bed.

Probably for the best. Joey was starting to worry themselves. They probably should confess everything to Sal next time they talked, but Sal had his own girl problems right now and Joey was trying to listen more than they spoke.

What would they even say?

Driving Hollander home was fine, both of them content to be quiet for the most part. It was only as Joey pulled into the driveway that Hollander said, "I'm glad you're friends with them. It's nice."

"Yeah," Joey said, inanely. "Thanks."

"When you meet someone so young, you sort of shape your whole self around them by accident," Hollander went on as if that thought followed the first naturally. "It's good, I think, but it's also…I don't know. Maybe you miss the forest from the trees with other things."

"Yeah, sure," Joey said and they weren't sure if Hollander meant himself or the Pikes or both. "I can get that."

"They met at eighteen, did they tell you that?"

"Yeah, they did."

Hollander nodded once, "Okay. Good. Thanks for the ride."

"You're welcome," Joey said and before they could ask a follow up question, Hollander was out of the car.

He walked in the headlights to the front door, but before he could get out his keys, it opened. A hand reached for him and Hollander took it, disappearing inside.

It took Joey until they were halfway home to parse that it was advice in a way. Did Hollander know? Did he suspect something from the scant evidence that Joey also poured over? The way Jackie touched their arm or the way Hayden always found reasons to be a little too close? The way the three of them already had a few little jokes that no one else would understand?

How could Hollander tell when Joey wasn't even certain it was happening? Wasn't sure they could trust that it was? It was a song that had only just started to play, the first few notes climbing from their fingers, the tone and the direction not yet decided.

"Why do you sound sad?" Their mother asked when she called the next morning.

"Not sad. I'm working something out in my head that's all."

"I can always listen. I'm a great listener, you know."

"The best," Joey lied with a smile on their face. She tried, certainly. If Joey really needed a family ear, they'd call Rivkah.

Maybe if they'd had some real time to breathe they might've worked it out, but the next day at practice, Price came to them at a break. No matter what Joey had been braced for, Price treated them no different after the barbecue run in. Either Fabian hadn't told Price about the conversation or Price was that good at being professional.

"Got a second?" Price asked and Joey nodded reluctantly. Apparently, their amnesty was at an end. "Fabian said he's sorry, but he doesn't have your number, so he wrote you something."

A blank envelope came out of Price's pocket, neatly folded in half.

"Thanks," they said and took it from him.

"I don't know what you two talked about or what's in there. None of my business," Price said. "But for what it's worth, I'm sorry I assumed you two would just get along. I think I've gotten too used to this team and everyone being magically the friendliest humans I've ever met. Especially you."

"I'm sorry," Joey said, guilt pressing in. "I know that-"

"Honestly, it's reassuring. I need the reminder that you're people, not some Sesame Street parallel world situation."

"Holmberg and Young got into a shoving match over a donut an hour ago and the rest of us bet on it, " Joey reminded him. "We're basically feral raccoons."

"I've played with feral raccoon people. Trust me, this is easy mode," Price mimed a shudder. "Anyway, hope that helps whatever got you two so spiky."

Joey tucked it away under their water bottle for later. They carried it to Hayden and Jackie's house, curling up on their end of the couch while the two of them worked out logistics for some upcoming school event. With a sigh, Joey opened it up and pulled out the note. Fabian had nice handwriting.

Joey,

I keep thinking about our conversation and I've talked to a few people in the business for advice. If you're willing, I think it's worth trying something. Post another video of you playing on your personal accounts and let me know when it goes up. I can put a supportive comment under it and make it clear that we're friendly. I've also put up a few more general things lately about supporting the community instead of tearing each other down.

-Fabian

There was a number underneath and some social media handles. Joey frowned, digging out their phone and found Fabian's posts. They were good, generic enough that no one would think of Joey in particular. There were piles of likes and shares. Maybe it would help. Maybe it wouldn't.

Posting music felt dangerous now. A step they weren't sure they should take.

"Woah, what's that face for?" Hayden asked, sitting down right next to them. Warmth radiated off him, and Joey barely fought the urge to borrow against him, suddenly very cold.

"It's stupid," Joey said, dropping the phone into their lap. "Just social media stuff."

"That can be serious enough for you guys," Jackie said, scooting over to press against Hayden's other side. He dropped an arm around her and then they were both looking at them earnestly. "What kind of stuff?"

"It's really silly. I just…" Joey sighed. They did want to talk about it, they realized. It had been festering in them. "Okay, so know Price's boyfriend? Fabian Salah?"

"He's a musician, right?" Jackie asked. "Shane gave us his album. I keep meaning to listen to it, but we're all Disney all the time here it feels like."

"We met him at the barbecue," Hayden reminded her.

"Oh! Yes. With the lace," she said with a nod. "Okay. What about him?"

"He's kind of famous," Joey said. "And because of Price, some of his fans became aware of the team and then me. Harris posted a video of me playing violin and that got some people comparing us, even though I don't do anything like he does. Then I came out and I was like very visibly gender queer and then they really started comparing us and I didn't come out so well."

"Why not?" Hayden frowned. "I mean, you're totally different from him. What does it matter?"

"They think I'm stealing his schtick, I guess. Or trying to be him. Or trying to steal his boyfriend."

"Price?" Hayden asked incredulously. "A player and a coach? That's ridiculous. "

"Uh, one of our players is very much dating one of our coaches," Joey reminded him. "You might have met him? Star center, six feet tall, drinks a truly obscene amount of ginger ale?"

"Shane doesn't count. Rozanov wasn't his coach when they started," Hayden said. "And Price is like seventeen years older than you."

"So?" Joey blinked. "Why does that matter?"

"It doesn't," Jackie said quickly, before Hayden could say something. "People were mean about it, is the point, right?"

"Yeah. They weren't great. And I talked to Fabian about it and asked him not to say anything because that usually makes it worse. But I guess now that some time went by, he thinks I should post me playing again, so he can make a point of being supportive about it. Make it visible."

"What do you want to do?" Jackie asked.

They were both so kind and giving them their full attention that Joey curled up further, resting their chin on one knee. "I don't know. I like posting music up, but it's not really my brand anymore. Especially once people started being dicks about it. I don't know if I could unwind enough to be any good when I know it's recording."

"What if you did it here?" Jackie suggested. "With us. If it would help, we could do it during the day and have the kids up. I bet they'd be interested and they make a good audience."

"That's a great idea," Hayden kissed the top of her head. "Who's going to be mean about a video with kids in it?"

"The internet," Joey said immediately.

"Yeah, fair," Hayden said. "I knew it was dumb as soon as I said it. But like…it can't hurt? Maybe not show their faces though."

So without even fully agreeing to it, Joey found themselves in the Pike living room on a sunny Sunday afternoon. The kids were all buzzing around as they tuned their violin. The doorbell rang and then Luca was spilling in ahead of Hollander and Rozanov.

"Oh, come on," Joey said half-laughing, half-choked up.

"I have to finish my sketch!' Luca said, shoving in against them on the couch. "And I'm better at video editing than you. Also! I will read the comments for you. Moderate. You can ignore them."

"You don't know what they're like," Joey frowned. They hadn't really told Luca much about it at all. Other than posting had gotten uncomfortable when he asked.

"I can read," Luca rolled his eyes. "When Pike mentioned it, I looked back. You should've said it was so bad."

"Why bother?" Joey sighed. "It is what it is."

"Fuck the haters," Rozanov declared, then winced and pulled out his wallet. "Where is the swear jar?"

"You can have that one for free," Jackie said from the kitchen. She was churning out an ungodly amount of grilled cheese sandwiches. "I agree completely. Who wants tomato soup with their sandwiches? Shane, your lunch is on the counter in the blue sparkly tupperware."

Joey didn't eat, unaccountably nervous. They had always been an ensemble player and these days, solo in their room for the most part. They were a skilled violinist, but hardly the stuff of effusive reviews. A useful third chair, quick to learn pieces and never any bother to a teacher or professor.

It had been strange to play in Harris' office with their teammates around. It was stranger still here. But this was their piece of the Pike's couch. The comfortable tiny slice they had stolen from the family for themselves.

Every lingering look, every near flirtation that was never quite invitation, had manifested only to this: Joey's cushion and Amber, who was starting to walk now, using Joey's knees as hand holds to attempt to wiggle up onto the couch.

"What are we doing?" Rozanov asked and reflexively Joey tried to figure out what they'd flubbed. But Rozanov was addressing Amber, scooping her up and settling her on his lap as he sat down beside Joey. "You want to be up here? Better view?"

"Ya," she said and reached up for Ilya's hair. He bent his head for her so she could tug at it which looked painful. He didn't even wince.

"You will be my new hairstylist?" He laughed. "You will be much cheaper, I think."

"Ya!" she said again and got both hands in there.

"What will you play?" Rozanov asked as he let Amber re-arrange his curls.

"The Lark Ascending. Vaughan Williams," Joey said, checking over their bow.

"Pretend I know nothing," Rozanov suggested wryly. "Who is he?"

"English guy from the early 1900s. He wrote it based on a poem his wife loved. He rises and begins to round/ He drops the silver chain of sound," Joey recited quietly. "It's about six minutes. If I play the whole thing, there should be a solid minute or two I can actually post."

"Not the whole thing?"

"Who wants to listen all that?" Joey shook their head. "It's just to get it over with. I don't want it hanging over my head with two weeks of away games coming."

"Hm." Rozanov said, then, "Ow. You are a very harsh stylist. What am I going to do if you make me bald, malyshka?"

"Ya!" she giggled.

"Huh," Joey leaned down to boop Amber on the nose. Then they tapped her on the chest, "Who is this? What's your name?"

"'ber!" she said.

"Yes!" Joey agreed, then they pointed at Jackie, who was at the kitchen counter. "Who is that? Is that Mama?"

"Mama!" Amber agreed.

"And this," Joey pointed at Rozanov. "Who is this?"

Amber blinked at them.

"What are you doing?" Rozanov asked. "She is only little. You're confusing her."

"I know more about babies than you," Joey said with probably too much confidence, but they doubted Rozanov had five niblings that he'd babysat. "Amber, is this Ilya?"

"Ya!" she agreed. "Ya, ya, ya."

"Oh," Rozanov breathed out. "What?"

"Pretty easy syllable," Joey said pleased.

"Pike!" Rozanov said, finally extracting Amber's hands from his hair.

"What?" Hayden asked, already wary as he walked back into the room, Arthur in his arms.

"I am stealing your baby."

"Great, you'll return her the first time she pukes in your open mouth," Hayden said.

"Lies," Rozanov said to Amber. "Your father spreads horrible slander about you. You do not do this."

"She absolutely did," Hayden said. "Got me and then Jackie when she was sick in July. It was gross."

"I do not believe it," Rozanov told her solemnly. "I refuse."

"Ya!" Amber said.

"She knows my name," Rozanov said smugly.

"No way," Hayden yawned and dropped down on Joey's other side, still holding Arthur. "She just started saying Dada like last week."

"Dadadaa," Amber said as if in agreement.

"But who's this!" Joey said, pointed at Rozanov again.

"Ya!"

"Oh, come on!" Hayden protested.

"Daddy," Ruby charged in, stopping at Hayden's side. "I bet I can eat more grilled cheese than you."

"No bet," Hayden said with a beleaguered sigh. "I'm clearly on the losing side this afternoon."

Joey didn't eat with everyone else, going outside instead to run laps around the house to burn off their ridiculous nerves. When they came back in, it was to Luca already setting up a little tripod for his phone and the girls having made little seating signs with everyone's names (some better spelled than others) and little torn bits of paper that they insisted were tickets.

"You know, you run around on knives in front of thousands of people all the time," Jackie said wryly as Joey edged back towards the door.

"I know," they mumbled. "But that's on a team. I liked being in orchestras. I do not like being a soloist."

"Why'd it work before?"

"It barely did. Harris had to talk me into it for like a week," they admitted. "And he bribed me."

"With what?" Jackie asked.

Joey sighed, "A croissant from the good bakery that's near his parents' orchard. I'm so cheap."

"I can make you croissants," Jackie said affronted. "You should've said."

"But those are so complicated," they protested.

"It's a bribe. It should be a little hard," Jackie's hand landed on the small of their back. It was too cold for cropped shirts now, even cropped sweatshirts, so her hand only landed on soft fabric. "I'd do it for you."

The odd stress of the moment, the way she stood so close and alighted her hand on Joey, bird light and proprietary. The way she said 'little hard', maybe, it all finally broke them down.

"You two are making me crazy," they whispered. "Please make a decision one way or another before I lose my mind, okay?

"I-what?" Jackie asked, her hand dropping away.

"Ready!" Luca called.

Perfect timing. Now Joey was worried about something else entirely.

The kids chattered and shouted at each other, the adults gathered, all distracted. Jackie's face had shut down entirely and Hayden kept looking at her with increasing distress. Rozanov was attempting to get Amber to say 'Shane' over Hollander's protetest.

Good. It gave Joey a moment to breathe as they set their tablet up, leaning against a pile of books, music at the ready. They knew the piece backwards and forwards, the notes familiar friends. The violin was the same instrument they'd been gifted at twelve to replace the school rental. A hand-me-down from a friend-of-a-friend, already love-worn. It had been expensive once though and still sounded sweet.

They drew the bow over the strings, the music reaching into them and then they were gone. The anticipation was always bad, but the playing had always been easy. Sinking into it, they could hear the piano part, muted for their audience, but alive in their mind. The lark darted upwards, the notes rising and rising.

The lark was in the wind and Joey chased after it, leaving behind flirtations and friends for the ease of the air. It was like being on the ice alone before practice, skating only to gain speed and whip around the corners with pure confidence in skill to catch them. When they pulled the last notes out and let the strings sing their final vibrations against their fingers, they could have been back home in Jersey, on the folding chair they had sat in for practice in the basement, alone and satisfied with it.

"Is that it?" Ruby asked. "Can we go play now?"

Joey laughed, raising their chin and letting the violin drop away.

"Yeah, kiddo. Go on, thanks for being patient."

"You're welcome!" she chimed jumping to her feet. She and Jade darted away even as the adults attempted to cover for them with light applause.

"Thanks," Joey grinned and shook his head. "Luca, hand me the case?"

"Wait," Hollander said. "Can you do another one?"

"High praise," Rozanov lifted his eyebrows. "You know what he is like about music."

"Shut up,"Hollander said without heat. "I don't think I've heard classical like that before. It's nice."

Nice wasn't exactly the best compliment Joey had ever gotten, but it warmed them anyway.

Well. That and how Hayden and Jackie had gone very quiet, their faces giving little away, but Hayden said, "Yeah. Give us another, come on. You brought that thing over here for a reason."

"Yeah because I need my hand held to do like a minute of content," Joey groaned but they reached for their tablet. "I'm guessing no one has requests."

"Devil Went Down to Georgia?" Jackie asked sheepishly, still not quite looking at them. "I think that's the only song I know that definitely has violin. Unless a fiddle is actually different?"

"Same instrument, different kind of playing. I'm not great at it, but…I think I can split the difference."

It took a little longer to call up the music, but Joey found what they were looking for. Luca fiddled with his phone then set it back on the tripod.

"I'm good," Joey reminded him. "I only need one."

"So what? Maybe if this works, we can get Harris to post it on a slow week," Luca shrugged. "Or you just have it. Who cares?"

Joey rolled their eyes, but yeah, who cared? They took a breath and started playing again. It only took a few seconds for the adults to clock the Star Wars theme which got a bit of a laugh and some humming. Poor Arthur looked so confused that Joey quickly segued. It took them a few seconds to figure out the notes, they'd never been great at playing things entirely by ear, but they managed a credible version of the Bluey theme song.

Arthur watched wide eyed, so Joey slid to the floor, "You wanna try?"

It took a little doing, but with Arthur in their lap, they got the bow in his hand and guided it gently over the strings. When it made a sound Arthur gasped and did it again.

"Uh huh," Rozanov said leaning back on his hands. "Someone is about to lose money to many lessons."

"He's too young," Hayden protested.

"Suzuki method starts at three," Joey said.

"Who gives a three year old a violin?" He asked, horror clear in his voice.

"Ezra and Sara Yolen," Joey said dryly, correcting Arthur's grip on the bow gently.

"You started at three?" Hollander asked though he sounded less appalled and more intrigued.

"I liked music and they needed to keep me busy. I was the bonus baby, my parents were older already."

"Bonus?" Rozanov frowned. "What does this mean?"

"That I was an accident and no one wanted to call it that," Joey held the violin steady under Arthur's assualt. "My sisters are twelve and ten years older than me. So. Bonus. But you know, toddler with a lot of energy and questions, they need to channel it somewhere."

"Not sports?" Hollander again. He was leaning forward now, watching as Joey molded Arthur's grip again and let him keep sawing away though the sour notes were a little painful.

"No one was that sports oriented. Rivkah, my sister, got on the varsity tennis team, but Shira never got close to it. She plays the flute though. Better than I play the violin. She gave it up earlier than I did."

"Shane started skating at three," Rozanov said as proud as if he'd been the one to put him there.

"That sounds about right," Hayden smiled down at Hollander's head.

Hollander, meanwhile, registered none of it. His attention was on Arthur, studying him with such intensity that Joey almost wanted to shield the kid.

"It's a nice sound," Hollander said softly after Arthur sawed the bow again. "But maybe not lessons immediately, huh?"

"Uncle Shane, you try?" Arthur held the bow out to him.

"That's okay, but thank you." Hollander did hold out his hand for it though and Arthur dropped it into it. He studied it just as hard as he had Arthur.

"It's not made of catgut anymore if that's what you're worried about," Joey said quietly.

With a shake of the head, Hollander returned it to Joey. "It was made out of what?"

"Never mind," Joey said, taking it back with a frown. "I think I'm missing something there."

Arthur launched out of Joey's lap clumsily and right into Hollander, who caught him.

"Until they started having them," Hollander gestured at the Pikes, who were having some kind of whispered conference that Joey was trying to ignore. "I hadn't been around kids much. Three is really young. And he's not even that yet."

Oh. Fuck. Yeah. Joey twigged in and Rozanov must've too, the pride of earlier subsuming to something quieter.

"Good thing he's got you then," Joey said low enough that hopefully only Hollander heard.

"And you." Hollander glanced up and caught Joey's eyes. Had they ever made eye contact before? There was a lot of warmth in Hollander that Joey had caught before. A softness that they hadn't quite detected. "You're here now too."

"Uncle Shane," Arthur said very seriously. "I want crackers."

"Got your back, bud," Hollander stood, taking Arthur with him.

Well. Arthur and Rozanov, who got up as if magnetized to his boyfriend and trailed him out of the room.

"Woah," Luca whispered. "That was intense."

"Shut up," Joey groaned.

"No, let it breathe," Luca said solemnly. "Ow!"

"I barely touched you, don't be a baby," Joey rolled their eyes and started putting their things away.

"And here I am editing your video and not interrupting your communing with Holy Hollander," Luca grumbled, but he couldn't keep his grin down.

"He's just a guy, you sound insane," Joey growled at him as if they hadn't repeated the nickname once or twice themselves when Hollander had done something particularly miraculous on the ice.

"Oh, crap," Luca checked the time. "We gotta hustle. I told Holmberg we'd pick him up for game night."

"Why did you tell him that? When did you tell him that?" Joey demanded. They had forgotten about game night. Forgotten about promising they'd drive Luca there in the first place.

They'd accidentally tossed a grenade before running off. Great. Fucking great. The Pikes would absolutely think that Joey had done that on purpose.

"Get your stuff together, before he starts texting me crying emojis," Luca got to his feet. "Come on, move, Yolen."

"You're leaving?" Jackie asked and was that…relief?

Wow. Ouch.

"Yeah, sorry. Hazy has board game night and we promise Holmberg a ride," Luca said, before Joey could get a word in. "You guys are coming, right?"

"Not this time," Hayden said, without a sign of actual regret. "Can't get a sitter and those two have some kind of date night. Don't ask me what, I'm afraid to ask."

The scene in the kitchen was very innocent. Everyone was eating tiny cracker sandwiches with cheese. But Rozanov was eyeing up Hollander like he might dissect him and Hollander didn't seem opposed to the idea. A date night with them definitely sounded scary.

"Say good night to the girls for me," Joey said, and got the violin safely tucked away, before heading for the door without looking back. "Bye, thanks for your help!"

"Bye!" Luca called out and ran after them. It wasn't until they were in the car that he asked, "Any reason we ran out the door?"

"It's your emergency," Joey growled and turned the ignition. "I didn't promise someone else a ride and not tell the driver."

"Fuck, sorry," Luca winced. "You usually don't care."

Joey pulled out of the driveway with more care than they wanted to show. On the road, they opened up the Hellcat, listening to the engine snarl and wishing they could do that too. Every emotion of the past five weeks was rattling under their skin.

"Scheiße! I'm really sorry! Please don't kill us!" Luca scrambled for the door handle.

"I know how to drive," Joey snapped, but they slowed down, already regretful. "Sorry, sorry. Fuck!"

"I was just teasing about Hollander, I swear! I didn't know you guys were actually having a moment, it was just a lot of eye contact!" Luca babbled. "Please don't be mad at me."

"It's not Hollander and I'm not mad at you. Although it would be nice if you told me we had plans instead of assuming I'm going to chauffer every dumbass on our team."

"Yeah, yes, got it," Luca subsided. "You're not mad?"

"No."

"You seem pretty mad."

"I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at the situation," Joey said then groaned. "Oh great, now I sound like my dad. This day fucking sucks."

"Do you want to skip board games and go get drunk instead?" Luca asked tentativly.

"No, we've got practice tomorrow morning. I don't go to practice hungover that's how you wind up doing bag skates until Rozanov thinks you're sorry enough."

"True," Luca sighed. "So you could talk to me sober?"

The noise Joey made was probably unfair, but it did encapsulate their general feelings pretty well.

"You cannot judge me for what I'm about to tell you."

"I don't judge!" Luca protested. "When have I ever judged you?"

"Uh let's see, my taste in music, my taste in movies, the way I take my coffee-"

"That's not coffee anymore! You do horrible things to it! But not your life choices. I'm so nice about your life choices!"

"That implies you think you shouldn't be nice about them which is pretty judgemental," Joey said and took the next turn with deliberate care so they didn't actually give Luca a heart attack.

"Okay, you are in mood, I get it. I won't judge. Promise."

Joey wanted Sal right now. But Sal was in Jersey. Sal wasn't even really their best friend any more, the calls so few and far between, the silence echoing with the choice Joey had made that brought them farther away.

They wanted their sisters except both of them would be a little horrified even though they tried to pretend to be cool.

What Joey had was Luca, who cared about them. That would have to be enough.

"I think the Pikes want to unicorn hunt me," Joey said.

There was a moment of very profound silence. "I have no idea what that means."

Right. Of course he didn't. Luca had been out for roughly four months and sexually active for maybe six before that. Joey didn't have date stamps, but it came close.

"When a couple looks for a bisexual woman to have a threesome with."

Luca sputtered for a second, "But you're not either of those things!"

"It's the best I've got for words. I'm masc enough to attract Jackie and femme enough that Hayden can wrap his head around being attracted to me."

Putting it in the bald terms that they'd had shoved in the back of their head for weeks made them a little sick to their stomach.

"You think Pike is one of us?" Luca asked. "You're sure?"

The long stuck looks around Joey's thighs, the momentary lingering around their lips and the tingle on the back of their neck that said 'someone is looking' told a very clear story.

"Yes."

"Wow," Luca shifted a little. "Do you think every team is this gay, but has like a thousand secrets?"

"Statistically unlikely, but not impossible. Can we focus?"

"I'm not sure what to say. Do you want to be hunted?"

"Yes," Joey said. "I want them so fucking bad it's stupid."

"So what's the problem? Ask them and have fun!"

"We're on the same team. If Pike has some kind of meltdown about sucking cock, what am I supposed to do? Run away from home?"

Luca made a disgusted noise. "He would have to run away. You were here first and we like you better."

"I don't want that either." The sun was going down, the road growing darker and Joey didn't want that to be a metaphor, but it sure felt like one. "I just want..I want."

"Sometimes sex doesn't work out and it's fine," Luca said. "You're all adults. Just say it first. 'Okay, if someone freaks out, no one says anything about it and we pretend it didn't happen'."

"Ugh and then it's awkward forever. And I like their kids and their house and…I don't know."

Luca went very quiet. Joey drummed their fingers on the wheel as they slowed for a light.

"I think," Luca said with that tone he used with the new guys. Like he might become someone who was known to be good with the rookies, "that maybe you want to do more than fuck them. I get the fucking, they are good looking people. It'd be fun to be a filling in a Pike sandwich. But it's one thing to be a unicorn, another to want to stay. They've been married a long time."

"I know," Joey sighed. "Don't you think I know?"

The car kept going and Joey tried to fight the surety that they'd left something behind.

"For what it's worth," Luca said a long minute later, "they'd be idiots not to keep you."

"Thanks," Joey summoned a smile for him. "Sorry. Again."

"It's okay. Everyone gets mad sometimes."

Fuck. Price was right. They were Sesame Street and Luca was Elmo. Or Big Bird. One of the sweet fluffy ones.

"You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah, I know," Luca said. "But not enough to stop listening to My Chemical Romance when you think I'm not paying attention."

"Fuck off, they're a home state band. It's local pride."

"It's emo from when you were in elementary school! You're a musician!"

"My sisters got me into them!"

Board game night was always good. Joey wasn't great at anything they played, but it was fun to see everyone get excited about very specific rules for very weird games. They mentally apologized to the set of little wooden squirrels they were given as they attempted to keep track of cards, berries and sticks.

The night broke up early, everyone aware of the schedule unfurling before them. Practice tomorrow, travel day to follow, then away from home, bouncing from city to city, barely stopping long enough in any of them to make an impression.

And Hayden would be there. Beside Joey on the ice with that set look that he got like someone had asked him to hold up the world and he was ready to do it even though it might crush him, in the locker room bouncing between Hollander and Joey like they were a buffet and he didn't know what to eat first. If Joey ruined that, they would feel it every day. What would that do to their game?

Their phone vibrated as they set it down on the end table to get into bed.

Reluctantly, they checked it in case Luca had left his wallet in the car again.

Jackie: When you get back from the road, come over for dinner? We'll talk. I don't like how we left today.

The message was stark in its way. A no in the making. Which was a relief. Really. A no was easy.

Joey: It's okay. I get it. You don't need to keep having me over. I promise I can feed myself.

They went to set the phone down when it rang. Jackie Pike. They should let it ring out to voicemail.

They picked up.

"Hi," they said and lay down in the dark.

"Hi. Hayden says 'we need to talk' sounds like a death sentence and I'm not allowed to text on my own anymore," she said with a huff of annoyance. "I was being accurate."

"No one hears 'we need to talk' and thinks it's a good ending, babe!" Hayden's voice was the same volume as hers. Were they on speaker phone? The kids must all be asleep. Were they sitting in their bed too?

Was Joey in their bedroom right now?

"It's not great," Joey ventured.

"I told you!"

"Fine! I'm sorry," Jackie softened on the apology. "I just meant it feels like a sit down over a meal conversation. Something we can talk over.."

"We're talking now," Joey pointed out, running their hand over the patchwork blanket on their bed. A dozen fabrics brought together to make a whole.

"Yeah, that's true," Hayden said. "Did you want to talk now?"

Did they? Joey traced the seam between corduroy and velvet. "Yeah. I think I do. You guys?"

"There's never been anyone else," Jackie said. It came out very clear and swift. A fact. They could picture her serious expression as she said it. "For either of us. So there's a learning curve."

"And the terror," Hayden said, "there's a lot of terror over here."

"Of me?" Joey asked, voice pitching up. No one had ever been afraid of them before. That was wild.

"It's more a series of valid concerns," Jackie said. "Not about you exactly. But it's complicated, isn't it?"

If they were afraid than Joey couldn't be. Someone had to keep their head. And if it was Joey, so be it. "It doesn't have to be complicated."

"How?" Hayden asked incredulously.

"We can kiss," Joey said and imagined it so vividly it was making their heart rate kick up. "See if you even like it. You ever kissed someone that wasn't a woman?"

"No," Hayden breathed out.

"That's probably step one then," Joey said with a confidence that they were building from scratch on the spot. "And then Jackie should kiss me. Keep it fair."

"I'd like that," she said, all the brisk practicality already gone.

"If kissing works, then the bed is right there," Joey said. "Sex is fun. We'll have fun. Fun is simple."

"And after?" Jackie asked as if Joey really did have the answers.

"After we're still friends. I think so anyway. I like being friends with you."

"We like it too," Jackie said. "I don't feed you because I think you can't do it yourself. For the record. I just like taking care of people I like."

"Thanks, sorry. I'll remember that."

"So. What? Now we wait two weeks and I just don't try to kiss you?" Hayden asked. "Cause I won't, but damn. That's a tall ask."

"Babe!" Jackie protested. "I want to be there."

"Yeah, exactly! So I won't! But two weeks. Joey, you've been kind of slowly killing me by accident for three months."

Not six weeks. Since June. Since the package.

Joey checked the time.

"I can be back at your place in twenty minutes. Say the word."

Both of them went quiet, only their breath still painting them as even still connected. Joey stroked over the velvet, heart pounding.

"Please," Jackie whispered. "Come over."

"I'll turn the garage lights back on."

"On my way."

Joey had already undressed for the night and putting on the same clothes they'd picked out for a social media shoot felt wrong now. A seductive outfit felt off too. The Pikes had been seduced. Plus it was fucking cold out. Sweats and a hoodie, fuck it. If they didn't like it, then they better take it off them.

The garage light was on. The garage door was open. Hayden was leaning against one side, clearly trying to look calm, cool and collected. Too bad he was fidgeting visibly even before Joey got out of the car. Jackie was there too, hanging back in the door to the house, barefoot and in the cutest little silky pajamas. Lavender shorts and matching tiny shirt with lacy edges. The lingerie of a woman who might have suddenly step away to tend to a crying child before anything got fun.

Hayden was dressed for the locker room. Shorts and a t-shirt. The same outfit he wore to peer around Dykstra's chest and ask Joey if they liked paprika. What a fucking loser. Joey was going to make him come so hard he forgot his own name.

"Hey," Joey said stepping into the pool of light.

"Hi," Hayden said. "Uh. You want to come in?"

"No, I drove all the way here to fuck in your garage," Joey said with a grin. "Calm down, it's still me."

Hayden groaned. "I'm trying!"

"Come inside," Jackie called. "It's cold out here."

"You heard the lady."

And Hayden's hand was on Joey's lower back, right where Jackie had touched earlier.

The hard on Joey had been fighting wildly was finally winning the good fight.

Nothing about the living room had changed in their hours away, except that the lights were off and that was enough to make it seem mysterious and foreign. They were both close, Hayden right behind and Jackie only a few feet in front.

"Someone should kiss me," Joey said before there was a chance for awkwardness to set in. "I don't care who."

They both went quiet, some conversation happening over Joey's head with their eyes, but Jackie stepped forward, coming into their personal space. She met them eye-to-eye. Tall for a woman like Joey was short for a hockey player.

"I know you said Hayden first-"

"You're so beautiful," Joey said, then reached for her because they could. Nothing too much, a hand on her cheek and they pulled her in a little closer and kissed her, soft and slow. She tasted like the honey she put in her herbal tea at night.

She was a little stiff for a second, then she melted into it, her hands lacing behind their neck to keep them close. When she parted her lips, Joey took the invitation and danced the tip of their tongue over her bottom lip like a promise for the near future.

Behind them, Hayden inhaled sharply. Joey reached back while they licked into Jackie's mouth. Their hand fisted into Hayden's shirt and pulled him in closer until he was a scorching wall behind Joey's back.

"You're good at that," Jackie said when they parted at last, both of them a little more breathless.

"Thanks," Joey said, hoping they didn't sound as lust-drunk as they felt. "I'm going to kiss your husband now. Is that okay?"

"You didn't ask me if you could kiss my wife," Hayden rumbled behind them.

"I sort of already did. I'm double checking before I do it so this doesn't end with you panicking," Joey said calmly, meeting Jackie's eyes as they spoke. You too, they didn't say, please don't you panic either.

"I can handle a kiss from someone," Hayden said. "No panic."

Joey turned and in a move that was probably mean, they stayed close enough that Hayden had to feel the press of their cock against his thigh. "Not even a little?"

Hayden shook his head in denial, even as he went even more tense. "No."

"It's not a game of chicken," Joey said even as they slid an arm around Hayden's waist. "No one wins if you lie about being uncomfortable."

"I've been thinking about kissing you for a long time. Doing it can't be any worse than living with not doing it. You and that fucking lipgloss."

"You like that?" Joey grinned up at him. "I can go to the car and get it. Put it back on."

"No," Hayden groaned. "I need to survive the night. Another time."

Another time? Another time?! Joey short circuited. Their patience fried. But they didn't have to wait anymore because apparently Hayden had decided to prove himself. He leaned down and kissed Joey with the same focus and intent that he had on the ice.

Another time.

Joey had to survive this time first.

And anyway, threesomes were fun once. Joey would enjoy their once.

Another time was bullshit, but it was the kind of sweet lie that Joey could lick out of someone's mouth and feast on anyway.

"Let's take this behind a locked door," Jackie said. "In case someone wakes up."

Another time. Sure. Joey didn't let themselves think about it. They just started walking backwards down the hallway, keeping eye contact with Hayden in case any wavering gave him room to reconsider.

A door opened and Joey stepped backwards into the Pikes' bedroom. Jackie took their hand and drew them further in as Hayden shut the door.

They stopped thinking about another time. There was only this. 

Chapter 4: I don't care what consequence it brings, I have been a fool for lesser things

Chapter Summary

In which, Hayden does some gay things, a lot of hockey things, has several horrifying conversations, cracks some jokes and finds his new normal.

The minutes between the phone call ending and Joey's growling car coming back up their driveway were pure chaos.

"What are we doing?" Hayden asked Jackie, checking his t-shirt for mystery stains, giving up on it entirely and changing into an identical clean shirt.

"We talked about this," she said and he'd take it as scolding, but she seemed to be reminding herself as much as him.

"That was before we thought they'd say yes. I can't fucking believe they said yes!" Hayden choked. "More than yes. So much more than yes. How do they sound like that? That was pornographic! "

"I don't know," she admitted, her hands clasped hard together. "I was going to be so sensible, but then they started talking about kissing."

Kissing. Hayden had said he'd be good to kiss another person in front of his wife. In front of her! And watch her do the kissing.

"I know it's not cheating, but if feels like I'm doing something wrong and we haven't even done anything yet," Hayden admitted. "Are we going to be okay?"

"Of course we are," she said and for that she unfolded her hands to hold his. "We're doing this together, whatever it is."

"Right, yeah. Together. We're going to have a threesome. Together. This does not feel like a thing that happens to us."

"I think it's been happening," Jackie said with a slight frown. "For weeks. I know when I said to invite them over after the game, I'd say it'd be like it was with Shane in the beginning. Making a new friend. But it hasn't really felt like that."

It really hadn't. Having Shane over in the beginning had been like inviting a feral cat into your house. You went in slow stages, didn't make any sudden moves and eventually they'd sit next to you and purr a little. It had taken a full season for it to feel like Shane knew he could truly come over when he wanted and stay as long as he liked. Two seasons before he helped himself to the soda that no one else drank without asking first.

Joey had immediately claimed a spot on the couch. There was no skittishness to them, no trace of awkwardness after the first night. They were generous with praise of Jackie's food and helped with the dishes like a good guest, but they also put their socked feet on the couch as soon as they saw Jackie do it, chirped at Hayden constantly with their sunny smile and didn't hesitate to take things they knew were on offer.

Maybe that all could have been friendship, if it wasn't for the way Joey flirted. It had to be flirting. Hayden and Jackie hadn't discussed it really, only made meaningful eye contact now and then every time Joey said something that skirted the edges of innuendo or moved through Jackie or Hayden's personal space like they owned it. Once, Joey had reached for something behind Hayden in the kitchen and come close enough that their bodies almost touched at a half-dozen points.

"Sorry," they'd said without any particular weight as Hayden's breathing stuttered unhelpfully.

"It's okay," Hayden had said inanely and over their head, Jackie watched wide-eyed.

They hadn't put words to it until tonight.

Not until Jackie had taken Hayden by the wrist and all, but dragged him into the bathroom, closing the door behind them. Amber was already asleep, but the other three kids had full run of the living room with only Paw Patrol to hold chaos at bay. She'd been upset since before the small concert, but Hayden hadn't found a way in to ask what was going on with Shane and Rozanov hanging around until dinner. Then dinner being the usual chaos.

"Joey thinks we're messing with their head," she confessed, leaning against the sink with distress radiating off of her. "They said we needed to make up our minds about what we want."

"Oh. Shit," Hayden stared at her. "When?"

"Before they played this afternoon." The mirror behind Jackie reflected her slumped shoulders and his own slapped expression. "We've been flirting with them, haven't we?"

"I don't know," Hayden said miserably. "I wasn't trying to, but they are just…"

"They are," she agreed. "I don't know what to do. I feel terrible."

"Yeah, it's not great. Do we tell them we're sorry and leave them alone for awhile?"

Jackie shrugged and wouldn't meet his eyes. Her arms were folded over her chest and she was definitely going to cry. Hayden did what he always did when she looked like that. He took her up in his arms and rested his chin in her hair, "Hey now. It's okay."

"It's not," she unfolded her arms so she could fit against him so he'd hold her more tightly. Jackie loved a tight hug as much uniform pressure as he could manage. "Oh, babe, I'm so sorry, but I really like them. Please don't hate me."

Hayden closed his eyes so he didn't have to see his own face, he pressed his lips to her hair and felt the comfortable familiarity of her body pressed to his own. The way Joey had stepped into their life was too natural. There was no assessment, no need to consider or weigh things. That Hayden continued to notice their body was irrelevant. So what if their accidental (purposeful?) touches did things to his head? So what if he had lost a few of his precious alone minutes thinking about the way they'd hip checked him to get him to move out of the way when their hands were full?

That was extra, a bonus, to the great friend Hayden had made. The one who got his jokes and played into them. The steady perfect right wing to his fresh uncertain center, who was right where Hayden needed them to be even when Hayden wasn't sure where that was. The companion in the locker room with all the unfamiliar new dynamics, always willing to wink at him behind Dykstra's back and play into his ridiculous bits.

Hayden hugged his wife and said, "I'm sorry too then."

"Oh," she said softly. "I thought so. But I wasn't sure."

"Their fucking fantastic," Hayden groaned. "I haven't had a crush in forever. I forgot how terrible it feels."

"It's awful," she agreed, still talking directly into his chest. "And they noticed. God, I'm so embarrassed."

"Me too. It's the worst. The guys have started chirping at me about it and they don't even know anything. We're just too chatty in the locker room."

"Ruby asked me why I was staring over dinner the other day because staring is rude, Mama."

"Oh no," Hayden laughed with an edge of hysteria. "So what? Like…what the fuck do we do?"

"I don't know," Jackie said.

The phrase turned Hayden's blood to ice. Jackie always knew. If she didn't then he did. That was how their marriage had always worked. They filled in each other's gaps, kept control over their domains both shared and separate. Sure, sometimes they got a little in the weeds. Parenting was complicated, but they always had a direction at least. Some bearing. One of them always had an idea of where to start.

Hayden sucked in a breath and let it out. "Okay. So. Fuck. Um, what are our options?"

"Joey left it up to us," Jackie said. "They want us to make up our minds."

"Okay," Hayden repeated, his wheels turning without gaining traction. "So either we say 'sorry for leading you on, we're not interested' or…"

"Yeah," Jackie breathed out.

"Jackie, babe. Are they into us too?" Hayden asked, the thought robbing him of whatever sense he'd had left.

"That's…yes?" Jackie said. "Oh my god. They're into us. They said we're making them crazy."

That near full body press. Hayden had been so aware of how close Joey's waist had been. How easy it would have been for him to slid his hands around it and pull them in the last critical inches.

"That fucking lip gloss," Hayden said. "They reapply it on fucking purpose. What a goddamn menace. The crop tops!"

"The shorts," Jackie groaned, her hands fisting into the back of Hayden's shirt.

Outside someone shouted at someone else and they both tensed, but then there was a shriek of laughter, resolving. They both relaxed.

"What if..." Hayden trailed off. He couldn't quite bring himself to say it.

The wildest thing he and Jackie had ever done in bed was to mess around with some fluffy handcuffs. Jackie had hated wearing them and they'd almost been banished entirely, but it turned out Hayden didn't mind them so much. It was pretty hot how excited Jackie did about having the upper hand. That had led to some things with fingers that Hayden had deeply enjoyed and tried not to think about or ask for too often.

That was it.

A threesome? Could they even do that? Were they able?

"I think if we don't, we'll always wonder," Jackie said. "Is that even fair to Joey though?"

"I don't want to just try something," Hayden agreed and a worse thought occurred to him. "I like them, Jacks. I like them."

"Me too," she said and finally pulled away from him a little. Only enough to rest her hands on his chest. He opened his eyes and studied her face. She was serious, but set now. On whatever she was thinking. "So let's date them."

"We can do that?" Hayden asked. "What does that even look like?"

"I have no idea. But I think we should ask them over. Have dinner. Talk about it."

"Yeah. Shit. When we get back? That's almost two weeks. If they're already upset-"

"I'll text. Tonight. After the kids are in bed. So they know we're thinking about it," Jackie nodded once as if in agreement of her own plan.

Hayden was so fucking glad there was a plan that he just kissed her. "Okay."

"MAMA!"

So that had been the end of that conversation.

The kids were put to bed.

Then the phone call.

And now those long chaotic, useless minutes.

There was panicking. Hayden was definitely panicking. Jackie was going through her pajama drawer like finding the right outfit for the moment would make everything okay. Which was probably just better looking panic.

It was the same panic Hayden had before the first game in his new position. There was fear, but also excitement. A sense that something important and good was about to happen.

"How's my hair?" Jackie asked.

"You're beautiful," Hayden said. "I would have a threesome with you."

"Thank you," she said with a nervous laugh. "You're a mess, come here."

"They see me worse all the time," Hayden said, but he submitted to her finger combing his hair back into shape.

"People like when you make an effort. They make an effort all the time for us and we haven't even complimented them about it."

"I can't just-" Hayden started then stopped. "Oh, I can now! I can tell them they're hot. That's okay, right? I mean not in the locker room, but like here. I can hit on them. Fuck, that's great."

"Yes," Jackie huffed out a laugh. "And I can stop pretending I know anything about fashion and just say I like how they look in their clothes."

"You know things," Hayden said.

"I know what I like, not-"

They heard the car engine from down the street and then Hayden was sprinting to the garage. It was closer to their bedroom than the front door and far less likely to wake up Jade, who slept closest to the front hallway.

He smacked the garage door button, then hovered for a second. Where did he wait? Here? By the garage door? What did he do with his hands?

"Just…go say hi," Jackie hissed. "You look nuts."

"Right, okay."

Posting up by the garage door felt wrong too, but it was too late. The bright headlights sliced up the driveway. Joey got out of the car and they were dressed in soft warm things that covered them entirely. It didn't dim their appeal at all. If anything it was worse because now Hayden knew a little of what was under there and all he wanted was to get his hands on it.

"Hey," Joey said and Hayden's mouth went dry.

Years ago, he had led Jackie into his empty apartment, heart pounding in his ears and skin tight. He'd been a kid then, younger than Joey was now by four years. It still felt exactly the same.

They managed to get inside. Hayden stood stock still, gobsmacked as Joey reached for Jackie and kissed her. A small spike of jealousy did hit Hayden square in the heart, but before he could even make heads or tails of it, Joey grabbed Hayden by the shirt and pulled him in. The jealousy swept away by tide of lust. Whatever was happening, it was happening to all of them.

Joey was right there, that pert ass that Hayden had very diligently, pathologically not been looking at was pressed directly into him. The breadth of Joey's shoulders, the curve of their neck so close that Hayden could have kissed the join of them both easily. He was imagining it vividly when Joey whirled on him.

"You're good at that," Jackie said breathlessly.

"Thanks," Joey said like it was nothing. Like it was easy. "I'm going to kiss your husband now. Is that okay?"

"You didn't ask me if you could kiss my wife," Hayden protested, then winced at the whine of it.

"I sort of already did. I'm double checking before I do it so this doesn't end with you panicking," Joey said without looking him.

And that wasn't going to stand. Hayden didn't need his hand held for kissing.

"I can handle a kiss from someone," he said. "No panic."

Then Joey turned around. Instead of being nearly close enough, they were there. Pressed against Hayden, still a little cold from their time outside and in the car, and their eyes locked on his face. Their hips rocked into him. It was a dare and a challenge, but Hayden was beyond that now. That was an erection pressed against his thigh. Unmistakable in shape and feel even though Hayden had only ever touched his own.

An erection. A cock. Another person's cock. Very real. Right here.

The flush of arousal that rushed through Hayden was so potent, he went a little light-headed.

"Not even a little?" Joey lifted their chin.

"No."

"It's not a game of chicken," they said very reasonably, then put their arm around his waist and brought him in even closer. Hayden's heart pulsed in his ears. "No one wins if you lie about being uncomfortable."

"I've been thinking about kissing you for a long time," Hayden confessed to them, could do nothing, but tell them even though Jackie was right there. She was listening to all of it. Oh god. What was he doing? "Doing it can't be any worse than living with not doing it. You and that fucking lip gloss."

"You like that?" When Joey smiled, Hayden knew he was lost. It was such a shitty little smirk instead of their usual cheery one and it was fucking hot. "I can go to the car and get it. Put it back on."

"No," Hayden said too quickly. There was no cool left in him if he'd ever had it. "I need to survive the night. Another time."

The smirk vanished. Joey stared up at him, confusion all over their gorgeous face. There was stubble along their jaw in a way they rarely allowed and their hair was mussed like they'd been laying down. Hayden and Jackie had summoned them here, out of their bed, with a single phone call. Maybe they were a little scared and overwhelmed too, under the cocky surety.

That made it so much easier. Hayden leaned down the last critical inches and kissed them. There was no give to Joey's body, so solid in Hayden's arms that they could've been a pillar. Except for their lips which were just as plush and soft as Hayden had imagined.

It had been over a decade since Hayden had kissed someone that wasn't Jackie. None of them had been like this anyway. He had no idea if he was doing it well, but he definitely wanted to keep doing it.

"Let's take this behind a locked door," Jackie said and Hayden could hear how turned on she was, her serious bedroom voice that turned another key in his head. "In case someone wakes up."

The walk down the hall was silent, Joey walking backwards, eyes drilling into Hayden's as if they could drag him along that way. They could, as it turned out.

Somehow, Hayden fumbled the bedroom door closed. The three of them stood there for a long uncomfortable moment.

"Honestly," Hayden said before he could stop himself. "We should probably all get naked and hope for the best because with our luck, someone's going to be at the door in five seconds."

"Wow. Sexy," Joey said in that wry way of theirs.

"Hayden!" Jackie protested, but she was smiling. "He says that every time. It's like autopilot."

"No," he corrected, "I really mean it every time. There's always a timer ticking down, we just don't know how long is on it. Could be hours. Could be seconds. Naked is practical."

There was a single lamp on in their room. That had been a matter of quick debate, but it was that or the overhead lights which you could do surgery in.

No one moved.

"So no one else is stripping?" Hayden asked. "Fine, I'll start."

He took off his shirt. What did it matter? Joey had seen him shirtless dozens of times already and Jackie knew the score. Hayden hadn't reckoned on how it would feel to have two sets of interested eyes on him.

"Okay then," Joey said and that smirk came back online. "But if you want any of my shit off, you gotta come do it yourself. I'm a manual, not an automatic."

"Can I?" Jackie asked and Joey turned to her, expression softening.

"Yeah," Joey said readily. "Please."

She slid her hands under their sweatshirt, and then they were kissing again. Hayden took an involuntary step closer. It wasn't like porn at all, not even a little. Neither of them were showing off for him, they were kissing because they wanted to and they were a little messy with it. Joey touched her so carefully, their hands settling on her waist where her top had ridden up a little so only their pinkies brushed over her skin.

Jackie moved her hands up and up. They disappeared for a second and Hayden wondered if she was mapping over Joey's back the way she did his with a hint of her nails. The hoodie rose and rose and finally, Joey had to pull away from her enough that she could get to their arms.

The hoodie became a shapeless pool on the ground. There was nothing under it. Hayden was staring at Joey's back. They drew Jackie back into the kiss and the lines of muscle moved a little, familiar and strange all at once.

"Can I touch you?" Hayden asked.

"Please," Joey said against Jackie's lips.

Sliding his palms over Joey's shoulders should be nothing. It was only warm skin, a little rougher than Hayden was used to, but it was a revelation. There was so much strength there, willing and still for him to explore.

Tentative, Hayden leaned down and pressed a kiss right where he'd wanted to earlier. The graceful curve of neck to shoulder. He could hear Jackie and Joey's lips, the quiet engagement and it sent shivers over him as he followed the line of Joey's shoulder with his own.

"We should- shit," Joey laughed breathlessly, pulling only a little away from Jackie again. "Before no one can think, just- are there any nos? Like absolutely nots?"

Hayden didn't want to stop, but he did, more responding to the tone then the words. "Hm?"

"What kind of nos?" Jackie asked.

"Things you don't want me to do. Things maybe I don't want you to do." Joey said. "You know. Just so we've got things straight."

"Is anything straight happening in here tonight?" Hayden asked.

"Babe," Jackie groaned.

"Okay," Joey smothered a laugh, stepping out from in between them and looking mock stern. "My first no is to dad jokes."

"Those are the only jokes I have and you can't expect me to be serious the whole time," Hayden said practically. "I'll die."

"He might," Jackie said. "I've never tested it, but it's entirely possible."

"What are your nos?" Hayden asked. Maybe he could use theirs for guidance on what that even meant.

"Uh, no hair pulling. I hate that," Joey said, eyes casting around the room, maybe full taking it in for the first time. "No anal either, I wasn't anticipating this tonight."

Anal? Hayden shoved that immediately to the back of his head before it caused a cascading system failure.

"That's reasonable," Jackie said faintly. So maybe she was doing some shoving too. "We're pretty…I don't know. We're not very exciting."

"Way to sell us, Jacks," Hayden sighed.

"I'm setting reasonable expectations," she shot him a look. "You want me to lie and say we're game for anything? That's only going to cause trouble."

"We don't only stick to missionary and wish it was over. That's what you're making it sound like," Hayden protested.

"Okay, I think I cast too broad a net," Joey decided. They weren't quite smiling, but it seemed like they might want to. "How about: what do you like?"

This was not like a locker room talk where it was easy to brag and make shit up. But there was no way Jackie spent a lot of time talking about sex with the Montreal WAGs, who had been most of her socializing for the last few years. And her family were great, but not the kind to talk about anything that was 'private'. Her eyes were on the floor already, her shoulders her hands fisting together.

Oh god, it was on Hayden.

"I like to eat her out a lot," Hayden said and it came out almost conversational. Miracles on miracles.

"He's good at it," Jackie said in the same tone. They were giving interview answers. They were so shit at this.

"Is he?" Joey said and now they were smiling. "Good to know. Dirty talk?"

"Nothing mean," Jackie said immediately. "I don't like mean."

"Neither do I," they said, gently. They were so good at this it was actually annoying.

"But she likes when you describe things," Hayden said and that was at least a little sexier. "You'll be good at that, I bet. You've got more words than me. If you tell her what you want to do, she likes that. The kissing thing on the phone…that was hot."

"It was," Jackie agreed, flushing pink now in a way the actual kissing hadn't even done to her. "I liked that. It was direct. Clear. I knew what to expect and it was really…yeah. Hot."

Joey nodded. "Yeah, okay. And what does Hayden like, Jacks?"

Jacks. Okay. They were in this now.

"He likes being useful," Jackie said immediately. Which wasn't wrong, but sounded a little…something. Not sexy again. "He likes making me feel good. And he likes to watch me on top a lot."

"It's a great angle," he said, a little defensively.

"Yeah, I'll bet," Joey said, glancing between them. "I wouldn't mind actually seeing it, but let's…mouths are good. We're doing good with the kissing. More of that?"

Joey was also standing defensively now that Hayden was thinking about it, arms folded over their chest. This wasn't doing any of them any good. It was probably a nice idea, all the open communication, but it was leaving too much time to think.

"Can I see your tattoo?" Hayden asked. "I keep seeing pieces of it, but it's been driving me nuts wondering what it is."

"Uh, yeah, I guess," Joey said and dropped their arms to their sides. "You could look at it whenever in the locker room though."

"I'm not going to stare at your chest. I couldn't," Hayden shook his head. "You know."

"Yeah," Joey was still a little too far from the light to make things out properly. "Fair enough."

"Just," Hayden reached out, got them by the wrist and drew them in a little closer to the lamp. "Oh wow."

The bird was in flight, wings spread as it dipped through an air current made of musical notes. The lines near Joey's stomach that peeked out from the bottom of their most tempting shirts were actually a treble clef, thicker than the rest of the delicate line work. The whole piece covered most of their left pec and was dusted through with their sparse dark chest hair. There were words in the feathers of the stylized wings.

Hayden reached out and traced them with his fingertips. The feeling of hair was new, tickling over the pads of his fingers. "What's it say?"

"As long as you crave nothing save the song," Joey recited quietly. "It's part of the Lark Ascending."

"The song you played for us?" Jackie asked and she was reaching out too, going low where Hayden had gone high, touching the treble clef.

"Yeah," Joey breathed out. "It's a favorite. Obviously, I guess."

"What's it mean?" Jackie asked even as Hayden got a little lost in the rising notes as they drifted back up over one dusky nipple. "Why that part?"

"The poem is like…fuck, you're making it hard to concentrate," Joey huffed a laugh. "Later. I'll tell you later. Can you kiss me again? I'm getting in my head in a bad way."

Maybe they were talking to Jackie, but Hayden was on a roll with this, so he went for it. Joey kissed with some force, concentrated and wanting. Hayden put hands on them, emboldened now, palming their waist at at last. It fit in his hands like he'd imagined it would.

Hayden had flagged a little during the awkward conversation, but with Joey in his arms, his dick was rising with renewed interest. Joey nipped at Hayden's bottom lip and that was that. He was hard as a rock in an instant.

Hayden was definitely kind of gay. Who knew? Jackie, apparently. And maybe Rozanov. Which Hayden was not going to think about right now. Now was for Joey.

"Better?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah," Joey smiled, almost shyly at him. "Definitely better."

"Wait until Jackie takes her shirt off. Then you'll be phenomenal. I always am."

"Hayden!" Jackie protested, but when they both turned to her, she only took a deep breath and whipped the little silky shirt off. "It's been four kids, so have some mercy, okay?"

There were certainly signs of what pregnancy had wrought on Jackie's body. The stretch marks and the way her belly sat a little lower. Her breasts had changed, going heavier and more pendulous than the tiny perky tits she'd had when they'd first met. Hayden thought she was hotter now than she'd ever been then. He'd always loved her body when it was lithe and compact, but now it richer, fuller in every aspect. It was hard to explain that to her, but he hoped he'd made it clear with how he touched her and the compliments he gave when they were like this.

Was that enough?

Maybe not. God, had he fucked that? Something to consider later.

"No one looking at you only sees a body that made four kids," Joey said. "Or if they do, they're idiots because holy shit, you're gorgeous."

They moved slowly, telegraphing things, but they didn't ask before they were kissing her again. Jackie twined her arms around Joey's neck like she would for Hayden, but apparently without the height differential that must not have felt the same because she quickly dropped them to their waist.

This time when Joey ended the kiss, it was only to trail their lips down Jackie's neck. Her eyes were closed, but Hayden could watch for her. He could see the way Joey was tender with her, whispering in her ear, before they moved lower, cupped her left breast, darting their tongue over the pink point of her nipple. Jackie moaned and her eyes shot open, finding Hayden's.

Good? he mouthed to her and she mouthed YES back. Hayden had felt that tongue in his mouth, but only for a moment. It was clearly getting the job done.

"Bed?" Hayden suggested.

"Yes," Joey and Jackie chimed together.

The bed changed the tone. Laying down committed them to this. They were in it. Joey was in their bed, apparently performing magic tricks on Jackie's tits given how she forgot to be quiet. They didn't have to be that quiet in this house, the walls were thicker, but they were used to the old one where you had to be careful.

Her hand shot across the duvet, searching and Hayden answered, sliding his hand into hers. She squeezed it and relaxed further, one of her heels rubbing up Joey's calf. Giving Jackie attention was never a bad thing, so Hayden kissed her wrist and her forearm, places he hadn't given much thought to in some time.

Joey kissed the space between her breasts, laying their forehead there for a moment. "You're both so fucking hot it's insane, actually. For the record."

"Oh," Jackie breathed out. "We think you're really beautiful."

Joey kissed her chest, "Both of you think that?"

"Yeah," Hayden said. "I mean, if that's an okay word."

Joey turned to look at him, a small smile on their lips. "The first thing I thought when I met you in person is that you were so pretty it should be a crime."

"Pretty," Hayden repeated. "Me?"

"I did too," Jackie confessed and she gave Hayden an apologetic look. "I always thought you were pretty, but I knew you'd hate it if I said it."

Did he hate it? He'd never paired that word to himself. To any man. Pretty was for girls. Pretty was delicate and soft. Pretty was Jackie's hair when she brushed it and her face when she put on a little makeup to go out. Pretty was heels and lipstick.

Pretty was the brush of Joey's dark eyelashes against their cheeks and the delicate lines of a bird on their chest.

Hayden wasn't any of those things. Was he?

"I don't hate it," he said. "I don't think it like…applies."

"Hoo boy," Joey said and sat back on their heels. "That's so a conversation we don't need to have right now. But for the record, I like any words about how good I look. Just don't call me a girl or a boy. I'm not anything like that. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Hayden said, setting that in stone in his head. Joey wasn't a boy or a girl. It was weirdly easy to accept. Joey was Joey. Their own thing. "You're very fucking hot. Insanely hot. Possibly illegally hot."

"Babe. It's not illegal to turn you on in public," Jackie laughed quietly. She was flushed pink chest to neck and that was gorgeous. "We've talked about this."

"It should be," Hayden said. "Even if I am pretty. Doesn't give anyone the right to wear that sundress or fucking crop tops. Your crop tops. Illegal."

"Then call me a criminal," Joey grinned delighted. "And take me away."

Joey was so much fun. Hayden really liked that it could still be fun here. "Any chance your nipples are as sensitive as Jackie's?"

"Want to find out?"

Hayden really did. Jackie sat up a little so she could touch both of them, teasing fingers everywhere as Hayden ran his tongue over the delicate lines of Joey's tattoo. The skin tasted the same, but it was fun to have something to trace over. Joey's nipples were not as sensitive as Jackie's and they were flatter, harder to suck on, but Joey seemed to enjoy the attempt if the way they grabbed at Hayden's shoulders was any indication.

While he was there, Hayden made his way down, investigating the abs that had troubled his waking thoughts for weeks. It was only when he was mouthing over them that the thought that there was a cock about six inches from his mouth crash landed in his brain.

This was this sticking point, right? That was what would push it all over. Make this truly not something Hayden could pretend wasn't a part of him anymore. A whole lifetime of not looking and not thinking about it. Surrounded by men, barely touching, barely thinking.

Cock sucker. A thing flung around the ice, the locker room, every masculine venue of Hayden's life. That was the second worse thing you could be (taking it up the ass was worse, of course, but that was a panic attack for another time). How many times had Shane heard that and tucked it away, aware that he had already transgressed?

How many times had Hayden heard it and shrugged it off because that wasn't him? It was only an occasional intrsuive thought. A useless thing like thinking you might crash your car when you were tired or something. Hayden wasn't thinking about cock. He wasn't imagining what it would be like to be on the knees before a variety of faceless men (or worse sometimes, specific men for horrifying, gut dropping fleeting microseconds). Absolutely no thinking about it. That wasn't him. Curiosity wasn't for hockey players.

God, it was annoying. Hayden wanted to know already. He dipped his thumbs down to snag on the waistband of Joey's sweatpants.

"Can I?" He asked. Joey lifted up their hips.

"All yours, big guy," Joey said. "Hey, Jacks, getting lonely?"

"No," she said. "I want to watch this. If that's okay, babe? You're okay?"

He nodded, unable to find words as he pulled Joey's sweatpants off and tossed them over the end of the bed. His hands landed on Joey's thighs, thumbs touching the edges of practical blue boxer-briefs that left very little to the imagination. But still enough. Still a plausible deniability.

"You breathing?" Joey checked.

"No. I'm going to pass out on your dick and Jackie will have to resuscitate me because she's CPR-certified."

"I am," Jackie confirmed. "Don't pass out."

"I'm kidding," Hayden said. Mostly he was.

"Good to know," Joey laughed. "You don't have to-"

Hayden had cut them off by cupping the obvious bulge in his hand. "I'm not asking you to have sex with us where I never touch your cock. Just because I haven't done it before doesn't meant I don't want to do it now."

"Okay," Joey said faintly. "I mean, it's all yours. I'm not gonna get upset about you touching my dick."

Right. And through underwear was good. It was fucking great actually, Joey was hot and hard against Hayden's palm. It was different than cupping Jackie's pussy through her cotton panties, the first hint of wetness meeting his touch. But it set off the same wild fire reaction in Hayden's veins.

Any dryness in his mouth from earlier had been replaced with slavering desire. Hayden pulled down Joey's boxer briefs, forcing himself to get rid of them entirely before he looked. That was definitely a cock and balls. Holy shit. It was a good length, thick around too. Bigger than Hayden's own by a little, maybe, but it was difficult to tell. Especially because Joey apparently kept things trimmed. Not shaved to the skin, but a tidy dark patch of hair. Their balls were heavy looking and Hayden was already wondering what they'd feel like in his palm.

"Oh," Jackie said with a lilt of surprise. "You're circumcised."

"I'm Jewish," Joey said, surprised at her surprise.

"I didn't even think about that," she said. Her hand had gotten into Joey's hair at some point, stroking her fingers though the dark locks. "Hayden isn't."

Hayden had seen a lot of dicks out of the corner of his eye and in porn over the years. A circumcised one wasn't that unusual. One he was definitely about to get very familiar with was. He wrapped his hand around Joey's cock before he could think about it anymore. It was like holding his own and it wasn't. He was very very aware he was touching someone else for one thing. And that bare head and slit were something else entirely.

"Is this actually happening?" Joey asked the ceiling. Or maybe Jackie. "I think I died, maybe."

"No, you're still here, honey," Jackie assured them, then leaning down to kiss Joey slow and sweet.

That was good. Maybe Joey would be too distracted to notice they were getting the most skittish handjob of their life. Hayden was on more of an exploratory mission at the moment, double daring himself through stroking over the the length of them. As he dragged his hand up, the ridge of a thick vein sending electric pulses through him, a tiny bead of precum welled up through the slit at the head.

Impulse took over and Hayden was just there, licking it away. He'd tasted his own come once or twice as a curious teenager (didn't everyone and lie about it later?) and remembered it as unpleasant and bitter. Joey was a little salty, but it wasn't unpleasant.

"Oh shit," Joey said somewhere above Hayden's head.

"Sorry," Hayden said. "Should've asked."

"No, no," Joey said with something between a laugh and a moan. "Please do whatever."

"Babe, any tips?"

Silence. Hayden glanced up nervously to find Jackie staring at him with the kind of lust that had led to Arthur's conception once upon a time. Oh. Well. Hayden grinned at her. Could he really make Joey feel good and turn Jackie on that hard at the same time? Hayden was all in on this threesome stuff. This was amazing.

"Don't try to do it all at once," she finally managed to get out. Joey's hand was on one of her breasts, Hayden clocked, massaging a little. "Go slow."

"Yeah, I can do that."

The stop in the action had killed a little of his forward momentum, but Hayden had an audience and he was going to perform. He did move a little, scooting further down the bed and bracing himself with one hand pressed to the mattress. The other he dropped to Joey's thigh. There was no give there and Hayden knew exactly how that muscle worked, the way it propelled Joey forward on the ice. The way they made it look easy even though Hayden knew exactly how much effort it took.

Hayden got distracted by it for a moment and laid a kiss on their thigh. More hair, dark there too where Jackie was smooth even when she hadn't shaved in awhile. Sweat, skin, and the drift of a familiar musky scent of a long day clinging to Hayden's own body. It was intoxicating.

If he fucked his up, it was going to be extremely embarrassing. What if he hated it?

Hayden glanced back up, met Jackie's eyes. She was here. His constant north star. And it was Joey, who had taken Hayden aside before that first game and said, 'We got this,' with such undeserved confidence that Hayden had gone over the boards with the kind of cockiness he hadn't had since he was a rookie.

The taste he'd gotten had been pretty good. Hayden steeled himself and angled himself better and then…

The weight on his tongue was velvet and steel and heat. It scratched the part of his brain that was always looking for his mouthguard, something to fill the space and quiet things down. Of all the things he had not dared imagine, he hadn't really gotten to this being satisfying. It felt right like maybe he was supposed to have been sucking cock his whole life and no one gave him the goddamn memo.

He knew he wasn't giving grade A head, but he was definitely doing something right with the way Joey's hand came down to cradle the back of his head, their thigh trembling a little under his hand. Hayden sucked them down and found a rhythm, gagging once and discovering his limits, then pacing himself thereafter.

"Hayden," Jackie breathed out, reverent and heated like she only did right before an orgasm.

He risked looking up at her and discover Joey's other hand had wandered far south, shoved down Jackie's shorts, working at her. She made a tiny punched out noise, meeting Hayden's eyes. It was almost as good as having his own fingers buried inside her.

Pulling off for a second, Hayden told Joey, "Spread 'em wide. She fucking loves that."

"Yeah?" Joey asked, but they must've already been complying because Jackie's head fell back with a moan.

Pleased with that contribution, Hayden took the thick length back into his mouth and closed his eyes to really concentrate. To think his fantasies had mostly only taken him to Joey doing this for him. Hayden was definitely going to jerk off thinking about this instead now. Having this force of nature under his hands and shaking a little for him, even as he learned on the fly how to avoid his teeth making contact.

"Stop, please," Joey groaned. "I'm close."

Hayden reluctantly pulled off. "That a problem?"

"Depends on how we want the night to end," Joey said and they looked wrecked already. Flushed face, bitten up pink lips, hair in a thousand directions. They had their hand in front of their face, glistening with moisture and then they were sucking on their fingers. Jackie made a mortified cut off moan.

"That's hot," Hayden deemed. "Babe, it's really hot."

"Is it?" She peeked at him.

He crawled back up Joey's body, pausing to kiss them, to lick the taste of his wife out of their mouth. Then he turned his attention on her drawing her in. "Yeah, babe. Love when you come that hard. You feel good?"

"So good," she said. "Joey?"

"Mhm. You want to sit on my face? Cause I wouldn't mind a longer taste."

"Oh," she flushed harder. "Hayden?"

"I think I can give up one round," he said magnanimously and watched hungrily as Jackie shimmied out of her shorts, pushing off her underwear at the same time.

Even sitting up against the headboard, Hayden couldn't really see the details of what went on after that, but it wasn't hard to imagine as Jackie stretched backwards to pin her hands to the mattress. Joey's hands were wide over her thighs, the fantastic wet noises describing it better than any visual. Jackie started panting and then moaning, the tiny ones that crested over and over until she went quiet and ridged, her orgasm always a nearly silent thing.

And Joey didn't quit even as she whimpered and bucked a little. Clever. Jackie rode it out a little longer before she pulled away and dropped to the duvet like she'd run a marathon.

Hayden's head was swimming. He'd just let someone else get his wife off right in front of him and he'd liked it. He'd liked it a lot. Maybe there was something wrong with him, but it felt like Jackie's pleasure had almost been his own.

"You all right?" Joey asked.

"Baby, if I was any better, I'd be on the fucking moon," Hayden laughed roughly. He kissed Joey upside down which was a disaster, but a funny one. "You killed my wife."

"I'm not dead," she said from her heap. "But maybe entertain each other without me for a minute."

Joey surged up, turning and climbing into Hayden's lap which was a very good place for them to be. It let Hayden get his hands on that fine ass, kneading into it happily as they made out for long liquid minutes. The scrape of stubble was a little disconcerting, but part of the fever heat of it.

"Haven't even touched you yet," Joey said in what was nearly a whine. "You still have clothes on."

"Go ahead, baby," Hayden murmured. "All yours."

Joey took him seriously, their hands finding their way all over Hayden's shoulders chest and stomach. They ran over his thighs.

"When you answered the door that day," Joey said a little dreamily, "I hadn't really thought you'd be as cute in person as you were in my mind."

Cute. Pretty. Hayden was re-arranging things in his head faster than the team had moved his sectional in August.

"You'd thought about me?"

"Oh yeah," Joey looked at him from under those ridiculously lush eyelashes. "I never told you?"

"Told me what?" Hayden asked.

They leaned in and whispered like it was a big secret, "You've always been my favorite hockey player. I said it in a video for Harris before my first game as Cen if you don't believe me."

"Me?" Hayden squeaked out. That was almost more unbelievable than Joey naked in his lap right now.

"Yeah, you can watch it. I said Hollander too because it was too weird to just say you," Joey said, sliding a hand around Hayden's neck, bringing their foreheads together. "I've had a jock crush on you for years and I thought you were good looking. Then I got to your house and you were such an adorable mess."

"Just what every guy wants to hear," Hayden said, more to fill the space because he could barely think like this.

"I wanted you from right then, Hayd. That's what I'm saying."

"I wanted you too," Hayden said. "But you know that already."

"It's still good to hear. I was trying pretty hard. You two make me a try hard. It's embarrassing. Doing fucking backflips for you."

"I liked the backflips," Hayden said and got with the program again, running his hands up Joey's back. "But I like this more."

They jostled a little, Hayden's shorts and underwear finally banished to the floor. Then Joey was close enough that Hayden could get his hand around both their pricks. Joey moaned into his mouth encouragingly and Hayden licked the sound off their tongue.

"One of you needs to not finish," Jackie said from somewhere around Hayden's knees.

"You heard the lady," Hayden mumbled. "Don't finish."

"Fuck," Joey groaned. "Stop touching me then."

"Don't wanna," Hayden dropped his lips to Joey's neck.

"Quit," Joey got his hand around Hayden's wrist and drew him off. "You really okay if I fuck your wife?"

"You already did. Doesn't really matter which bit went where," Hayden said, not moving from the very nice spot he'd found that made Joey quake a little. "And she wants you too. That matters more."

"Jackie, you really-" Joey started.

"Yes, please," she said.

"Condoms?"

The question made Hayden pause. "Oh. Uh. Do we have any?"

"Hayden got a vasectomy after Amber," Jackie explained. "We haven't really needed them. There might be some under our bathroom sink."

"Hold on," Hayden kissed Joey, got his arms solidly around their waist and rolled them onto their back which was interesting for a hot second, but he was a man on a mission so he did manage to untangle himself and get up.

Jackie and Joey clearly found each other judging by the soft mummers that trailed Hayden to the en suite. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, hair thoroughly tousled again and eyes glazed over, breathing a little faster. His eyes were bright and wide, cheeks flushed.

Cute. Adorable. Pretty. Was he those things? No time to descend into that madness.

He set himself to finding a small box in the detritus under the sink. There were a lot of pads and tampons, half-used bottles of sunscreen and a box of bandages. Right before he would've given up, he found a battered package. There were two left inside and the expiration date wasn't for another month. Jackpot!

He'd only been gone a minute, but that had been long enough for the two of them to find a new position, Joey rutting a little against Jackie's thigh as she lay on top of them. Hayden watched for a long bleary moment, before managing to stumble back to the bed with his offering.

"Thank fuck," Joey muttered, taking one. "Sorry, Jackie, I don't know how long I can last."

"There's two of you," she said blissfully like the thought was the best one she'd had. "If I need more. Hayden will wait. Right, babe?"

"I'm so good at waiting," Hayden said too eagerly then winced. He was fuckdumb now, lost in it all.

The next few minutes didn't help because Jackie mounted up like she'd forgotten she was ever self-conscious and rode Joey with liquid slowness that Hayden knew intimately. When it was clear that alone wasn't getting her there, Hayden pressed himself against her back, reached down and rubbed his thumb over her clit. That did it and Joey watched them both, heavy-lidded and shaky and finally coming with a guttural grunt as Jackie ground herself down against them. She was an earthquake in Hayden's arms and then lax against him as he kissed her shoulder, her cheek.

"So good, babe," he nuzzled her neck. "God, you're amazing."

"Mhm," Jackie leaned heavily against him. "I'm gone, babe."

"I know. Go wash up if you want."

"You're not done," she protested.

Oh. Yeah.

Hayden had kind of forgotten about himself, blown apart by the whole of everything else. That sounded insane though, so he only shrugged. "I know how to deal with myself by now."

"Give me like a minute and a half," Joey said quickly. "And maybe a direction on the trash. Then I can help."

"I got it," Hayden said then stopped before he reached for the condom. "Unless that's weird?"

"No," Joey watched him heavy-lidded. "It's insanely polite and very you, but not weird. Go ahead."

Hayden pulled a condom off another person's limp dick and it was fine. He'd handled far less appealing bodily fluids in the past five years. This was downright tidy. Jackie headed for the shower and Hayden stood in the middle of the room with a very confused erection and too many thoughts in his head.

"Stop that," Joey said.

"Stop what?"

"You look like you're trying to solve world hunger or something. Come here and I'll blow you."

Joey sat up slinging their legs off the side of the bed and opening them in invitation. Hayden went, magnetized. Joey slid a hand up under Hayden's balls, rolled them experimentally, and then took Hayden into their mouth like they were starving for it.

"Fuck," Hayden muttered and grasped at their shoulders for balance. Their lips stretched obscenely around him and it was far better than anything Hayden could've fantasized about. "Joey…baby, god, you're gorgeous."

It didn't take much before Hayden groaned, "Gonna-"

And Joey only pulled him in closer and swallowed him down as he came shuddering, half-bent over them. There was no dignity in it, but Hayden didn't give two shits. He dove down to kiss Joey with his last burst of energy, trying to impress on them all the gratitude he had for what they had done tonight.

"Did you want to shower with Jackie?" Hayden asked, gaining back some breath. "She likes that too."

"Can I stay with you?" Joey asked. "I'm not that gross, promise."

"You're not gross at all, c'mon, cuddle up a little, yeah?"

Hayden lay down, still too hot to get under the covers, especially as he lifted his arm in invitation and Joey did snuggle in tight, head resting on Hayden's chest.

"Thanks," Joey said.

"I think thank you, actually," Hayden said. "I know you said no pulling, but is it okay if I touch your hair some?"

"Yeah, regular touching is good."

Joey's hair was thick and very very pettable, Hayden ran his fingers through it. The shower ran, the air turning a little humid in the bedroom despite the fan running at full power. It was quiet otherwise and Joey was heavy against him. Hayden drifted a little, utterly content.

When Jackie re-emerged in a puff of steam, she'd pulled on one of her more regular bedtime getups: A pair of Hayden's old boxers and a baggy faded t-shirt that had also once been his. Her hair was up in a bun and she was so cute that Hayden wanted to start all over again even though he was entirely fucked out.

"Sorry for the," she waved at herself, "but I don't actually sleep in that."

"You look amazing anyway," Joey yawned and sat up. Then to Hayden's bemusement, they went for their own clothes, pulling underwear and sweatpants back on. "I'll get out of your hair."

Jackie frowned and looked to Hayden. They hadn't talked about this. Hadn't really talked about any of it, but it definitely didn't feel good to watch Joey reach for their hoodie, back turned to them both. She crossed her arms, face closing down. So Hayden was up. Right.

"You're not bothering us, baby," Hayden coaxed. "You can stay. We'd like it, if you stayed."

Joey froze, hoodie hanging from their fingers. "Oh, sure. And what will you tell the kids in the morning?"

"That you slept over," Jackie said quietly. "They won't care. They'll be happy you're here. They'll only be mad that they didn't get to spend time with you."

"Probably best to get them used to it anyway," Hayden said. "I mean, hopefully next time it's not so spontaneous so they won't be surprised when you're here in the morning."

Joey still didn't turn around. They were definitely mauling their hoodie a little with their hand.

"Did we get it wrong?" Jackie asked, the frown deepening. "See, this is why I wanted to do dinner and talk! I swear, hockey players are all the same. You rush into everything and no one talks enough."

"You rushed right along with us, babe, don't pretend," Hayden said wryly. "And we didn't exactly have a conversation way back when."

"We were children. There's only adults in this room right now. I knew this was too fast."

"Too fast?" Joey turned around finally and they were so clearly upset that Hayden had to stop himself from pulling them into a hug. Talking. They'd skipped the talking and that had been dumb. Obviously.

"We're not really hookup people," Hayden said, glancing at Jackie for back up and she gave him the 'go on' nod. "We certainly aren't risking ten years of marriage and a really good friend to have one fun night. I'm sorry if we made you think that. If that's what you actually want then…yeah. Okay. We'll cope and deal, but it's not what we want."

"I-" Joey started then stopped. The bird on their chest almost seemed alive with how fast they were breathing.

Fuck it. Hayden did get up and crossed to them, tugging them into a hug. "It's okay. Whatever you want is okay. We'll be sad if we read it wrong and it'll probably be kind of awkward for a bit, but we'll be okay."

Joey hugged him back with ferocity. "No, I want this. I want to try whatever this is. Please."

"Yeah?" Hayden held one of his arms out to Jackie. She tucked up underneath it and put her other arm around Joey, kissing their cheek. "It's gonna be a mess. We're kind of a chaos factory over here."

"I know," Joey said. "I like your chaos. I like this house. I really like both of you."

"Good, we like you too," Jackie said. "Stay the night? Our bed is big enough, I think. If it's not, we'll make Hayden sleep in the guest room. He overheats anyway."

"Yeah, sure whatever," Hayden grumbled.

In the end, Hayden got to stay in his own bed, spooning his wife and his hand grazing Joey's shoulder. He woke up before both of them in the morning, sweaty and sticky and flying high. Jackie had flung herself over Joey in the night as they lay flat on their back. It was a very nice picture.

Hayden slipped out of bed, took a very fast shower, tossed on clothes and beat Amber to her morning wake up by three whole minutes. He hummed to her as she nuzzled sleepily against him, and got eggs out of the fridge by rote.

Occupied with an apple sauce pouch, Amber watched him start to crack eggs with close attention. Arthur was up next and Hayden kissed the top of his head too many times, overflowing with affection for all his monsters this morning.

"Do you want eggs and toast or just toast, my boy?" Hayden asked him as Arthur chewed on his stuffed lamb's ear a little.

"Toast," Arthur declared.

"Important follow up question: butter or strawberry jelly?"

"Butter."

"I like a man who knows what he likes," Hayden grinned and plopped him into his seat too.

Ruby announced her arrival by careening into Hayden's legs, wrapping herself around one and apparently falling back asleep standing upright as he sprinkled cheese into the pan over mounds of eggs.

"Morning, muffin," Hayden said, reaching down to tug a little on her braid. "You want toast with jelly or butter?"

"Jelly," she said, swatting at his hand without opening her eyes. "Where's Mama?"

"Still sleeping, so let's let her do that, okay? Also, Joey is here. We had an accidental sleepover."

"Okay," she yawned. "Why didn't they say good night?"

"You were already asleep when they came back."

"No fair," she muttered.

"Next time, muffin," Hayden smiled down at her, then caught a glimpse of metal in her hand. "Why do you have a whisk?"

"Dunno," she said, clutching it.

"You can't keep using kitchen implements as stuffies, kiddo. People are going to think we're the Adams family or something. Give it,"

Ruby handed him the whisk and he put it in the sink. Maybe they needed to buy her a stuffie that looked like a spatula. Probably by the time they did, she'd have a new fixation. That's usually how it went. Jade shuffled in and piled onto his other leg. It was a good thing he only had to stir things.

"Joey slept over," Ruby informed her, always thrilled to be the first with a scoop.

"Nuh uh," Jade said. "They would've said good night."

"They came after we were asleep. Daddy says they'll say good night next time."

"Yep," Hayden said, trying very hard not to think about next time with his daughters attempting to slowly take him down to the ground in front of a hot stove.

"Not fair," Jade said in the same exact tone. Twins. Sometimes they were copies of each other and sometimes, Hayden could hardly believe they were related at all.

"Sorry, girls," Joey's voice carried into the kitchen and if Hayden hadn't been kid-welded to the ground, he would've done something insane like turn to get a kiss in front of his entire family. "I didn't really plan on falling asleep here."

"That's okay, but do better next time," Ruby scolded, detaching herself from Hayden. "Are you going to have some eggs? Daddy makes the best cheesy eggs."

"It's pretty much my only breakfast talent," Hayden admitted. "But they are pretty good."

"Sounds protein heavy enough for me. Oof- okay, little warning, Ruby."

Someone had gotten tackle hugged. Hayden grinned down at his eggs. "Coffee is ready if you want some. There's enough for all three of us."

"I want coffee too!" Ruby insisted.

"Me too," said Jade.

"Okay, sure. Everyone gets coffee, eggs and toast."

"No eggs!" said Arthur.

"You give them coffee?" Joey asked doubtfully, pulling down a mug, Ruby smugly curled in one of their arms.

"One teaspoon in a glass of milk," Hayden explained. "My dad used to do it for me when I was a kid. Loved it. Accidentally mentioned that in front of them once and now we're stuck."

"Guess you grew up okay any way," Joey gave him a shy smile.

"Mostly," Hayden ducked his head, his own smile stupidly wide.

There was chaos. Jackie arrived in time to get her plate and her coffee and sit like a queen at the head of the table. Hayden stayed on his feet, gathering his own breakfast in bites as he wiped faces and arbitrated arguments. Joey took his usual chair, mug of coffee pressed between their hands, eyes bright as they watched the whole ritual.

"I do actually need to go home and get my luggage," they said eventually, glancing at the time.

"Fuu-dge," Hayden said. "Right. Got to be to the airport in like three hours."

"We have bad timing," Jackie said wryly. "I think maybe we aren't done talking."

"Okay," Hayden considered the table, already laying in ruins, the kids starting to slide away for their few precious moments of screen time before the day started. "We've got fifteen minutes before the girl's absolutely need to get dressed. We can do it now. I'll drop them off to school, Joey can go pack, if you handle the little ones. Don't do the dishes. I'll do them before I get back, I don't need much time to finish packing."

"Perfect," Jackie said. "Good?"

"You guys are kind of scary efficient when you want things," Joey said, glancing between them. "But yeah, sure I'm good to talk now."

Then they were all quiet, staring at each other as Amber mashed a bit of banana into oblivion.

"Wow," Joey said eventually. "We're doing great."

"I don't even know where to start," Jackie exhaled. "Maybe what does this look like for now? Are you and Hayden going to do things while you're away?"

"Risky," Hayden said with a frown. "I don't want anyone to think I'm cheating on you and it seems kind of early to tell anyone."

"I want to tell someone," Joey said, wrinkling their nose. "Not like details, but just…Luca's my best friend and if I don't tell someone, it's going to feel gross. Like the bad kind of secret."

"Haas is okay," Hayden leaned against the counter top. "I mean he's one of…us? Am I in the little queer in group now? Never mind. Don't answer that. Jacks?"

"I'm all right with it. Obviously Hayden is going to tell Shane."

"Hey now!" Hayden protested. "I can keep a secret."

"From everyone, but Shane," Jackie agreed. "He doesn't even want your secrets, babe, you just give them to him all the time."

"Oh wow, your face," Joey smiled at him. "You were less flushed last night."

"Shut up," Hayden folded his arms over his chest, giving both of them a stare down. "I don't think I like the part of this where you two can team up on me now."

Joey's smile only got bigger. Fuck, they were so fucking cute Hayden was going to bite them.

"You love when me and Shane gang up on you, so I think you'll like this too," Jackie said and took a sip of her coffee. "Sometimes he tells us things he knows will get to both of us just so we'll yell at him."

"I do not," Hayden protested. Maybe he did sometimes. It was just really fun to get identical 'tired of your shit' faces sometimes and know they were about to get together for a really good tandem lecture. "And neither of you yell anyway. It's more like a really serious scolding."

"Hot," Joey declared.

"See, they get it," Haydem gestured at them. "Anyway, yeah, of course I'm going to tell Shane. He held out for me for years on how good su-" Hayden stopped dead, Amber cooing from the floor. Bluey in the next room. "Having same genital fun is. I'm mad at him."

"Same genital fun," Joey repeated slowly, then burst out in laughter which set off Jackie. Which meant Hayden had to laugh.

"What's funny?" Ruby demanded from the living room.

"Savings accounts!" Hayden yelled back. "Especially the current interest rates!"

There was pause, some conferring among the twins and they must've decided he was telling the truth and went back to watching TV.

"Okay, so we each have a person to talk to. Jackie, do you have someone?" Joey asked, calming down. "Seems like it's only fair."

"I can't exactly talk to my sister about it. She's a good person, but she gets a little challenged with things that are outside her personal experience," Jackie said.

"She flips out and eventually gets over it then feels terrible for flipping out and apologizes too much," Hayden translated.

"Got it," Joey said.

"My girlfriends from Montreal…." she trailed off then shook her head. "I never got that personal with them."

Jackie rarely got personal with anyone. She was so good with making connections for the kids, for Hayden and she went to all the WAG events. She showed up. She did the right things and said the right things like she'd been giving the scripts at both. In the end, Hayden knew she rarely texted any of the Montreal WAGs beyond event planning.

Ottawa was already a little different. Cassie had reached out a few times and Jackie had met her for coffee already. There was some potential there, but it was still new.

It was strange to think that maybe Jackie had relied on Shane's steady presence as much as Hayden had. Why had Hayden never noticed that? He could still share Shane with her, but she really needed her own person.

A person that texted her pretty frequently and thought she was great.

Oh no.

"Ilya would be nice about it," Jackie said as if she'd read his mind, "but is that too strange for you both?"

"Shii-take mushrooms," Hayden said. Amber got a hold of his beleaguered pajama pants and pulled herself up to standing. "Good job, sweetheart."

Joey set down their coffee with a sigh. "I mean, he might kind of already know."

"What does that mean? How? Does he have cameras?" Hayden demanded. "I swear, he is the nosiest mother….fudger I've ever met."

"He did send me to Montreal with the instruction 'dress to impress' so," Joey shrugged.

"Honeypot!" Hayden said triumphantly which startled Amber and sent her crashing to the floor on her diapered butt. "Sorry! Sorry, sweetheart."

She blinked wetly up at him, apparently sorting out of if this was a crying sort of situation and after a few wavering moments, decided against it. She started pulling herself up again and Hayden had to hold on to his waistband with one hand, the knot in the drawstring finally giving up the ghost.

"Honeypot?" Joey asked, bemused.

"Hayden watches a lot of spy movies," Jackie explained. "Honeypot is a scheme where you send in someone good looking to distract the mark while you steal information. Or recruit them,"

"Oh," Joey considered that. "Damn. He used me. Really easily too. That's hurtful."

"Really?" Jackie asked, checking their expression.

"No," Joey assured her with a laugh. "I could've interpreted 'dress to impress' a lot of ways and I went for 'suns out, guns out' that's on me. Huh. You know, Hollander might already know too. He gave me this really serious talk about you two that I didn't quite get a few weeks ago."

"Great, perfect. So Rozanov guessed, told Shane and they've been conspiring against us," Hayden grumbled.

"For us," Jackie corrected. "I don't feel attacked, do you?"

"Only by our offspring. Let my pants live, please."

"Da," Amber said and reached up a hand to him plaintively. "Dada."

"Hit me where I live, why don't you?" Hayden sighed and bent down to pick her up. "You're so sticky."

"Da," she agreed and put her sticky little hand on his face, patting it lovingly.

"And now I'm sticky too. Thank you for sharing, sweetheart."

"Would you be uncomfortable if Hayden and I did do things on the road?" Joey asked, apparently able to stay on track. Good. Jackie and Joey could do that and Hayden could attempt to stop the progress of apple sauce smearing on his person.

"I think so. I mean, I want to know about it if it goes further than kissing. Not to play police, but just…I don't know. To be included? For now."

"I don't think we'll have the time, energy or opportunity," Hayden said, evading another sticky hand while attempting to wet a paper towel. "but if we did, we could FaceTime or something."

"I'd like that," she said. "Maybe when you both get back we could figure out…I don't know. I think it'd be nice if we had couple dates too? Just so we can get to know each other like that?"

The thought of taking Joey on a date made Hayden go cold and clammy, but there was a flutter in his stomach too. They didn't have to make out in public or anything. They could be teammates and go do something fun together. And Jackie never got to have enough nights out. Hayden could stay home with the kids and get to see her all dressed up, maybe come home a little wine drunk.

"Yeah," he said. "I think that's a great idea."

"Dates? I mean," Joey looked between them, "I want that. But you know it's going to look weird if I take your wife out to dinner, Hayd."

Paper towel successfully dampened, Hayden wiped down Amber's hands. "Yeah, probably. So what? We'll know the truth."

"The socials though," Jackie realized and reached out to touch Joey's arms. "You said it was bad. Would we be making it worse?"

"Probably? I don't know," Joey sighed. "I'm not that famous though. Like you have to be pretty into hockey to recognize me. It's not like Hollander. Never been papped."

"I've never once been recognized, even when I give my ID to someone," Jackie offered. "And people spot Hayden only once in a blue moon."

"I'm a generic white guy, I've been told," Hayden went for Amber's face and she squirmed back. "So yeah, there's a risk, I guess, but minimal. And you know. We'll see how we go. If this feels permanent, then we'll just tell people."

Joey and Jackie both stared at him. He got the sauce off Amber's face and let them look. Sure, it was objectively insane thing to say. Wild. Out there. But also, what the fuck was the point of doing all this talking if they were going to hide it all forever anyway?

"Hayden, honey," Jackie said, "what are you saying?"

"Being closeted ate Shane up from the inside out for years," Hayden said, tossing out the paper towel and meeting Jackie's eyes. "I'm not doing that to you. Or Joey. Or me, even. I'm not saying today or whatever, but yeah, if we last, if we're here in six months, a year…yeah we should just be out about it."

"Holy shit," Joey whispered. "Sorry, swear jar, I know. But Hayden, are you serious right now? Really serious?"

"We don't do things in moderation around here. Shane gets all the glory, running off after the love of his life like a maniac, but Jacks and me tried a single one-night stand and got married about it. We had twins and said 'you know what we need? More babies'. I picked up a hockey stick when I was nine and decided that was going to be my entire life and Jackie put a spoon in a pot at the same age and said 'there's never going to be a recipe I can't make'. I don't know what to tell you, there's no off switch in this house."

"I- yes," Jackie said after a second. "We're a little stubborn about things. And not very good at stopping. Hayden only got a vasectomy because Amber almost killed me."

"You would've gone for five?"

"No," Hayden said as Jackie said, "Yes."

"Okay then," Joey said, wisely moving along. "Anything else?"

"I can't think," Jackie said and put out her hands for Amber, encouraging her to walk to her. "If I make a list of questions and email them to you both later, will you look at them?"

"Like…homework?" Joey asked, bemused.

"Nah, it's organizational or something," Hayden explained. "We do it that way sometimes."

It made Hayden sweat a little whenever Jackie sent him her long thoughtful emails. He always tried for her, of course, but it was challenging. It usually took him hours even when it was only a paragraph or two.

Except there was Joey. He didn't have to do it alone.

"If you do it on one of the off days, maybe we can sneak out to lunch or something," Hayden said. "Or hang out somewhere in the hotel and go through it."

Jackie beamed at him and Hayden felt like he'd won something even though it was a pretty obvious suggestion. She announced: "Joey can read them to you."

"Yeah," Hayden had not exactly been angling for that to get that revealed, but whatever. It was that kind of morning. "Exactly."

"I can," Joey said. "I mean, I will if you want, but uh…"

"I'm dyslexic," Hayden said, setting Amber down so he could be out of eye line. "It's not a big deal most of the time. Got a good font setting on my phone that Jackie found for me. But longer stuff gets to me and it's hard to pay attention to the little robot voice sometimes."

"I can do better than a robot," Joey said, seemingly unbothered by the revelation that Hayden was daunted by more than a few lines of text. "And you know, if you need help at work, I'm right there."

"Eh," Hayden said. "I get by. I'll bug you about it if I do."

Amber crawled to Jackie, then pulled herself up again, a little more easily every time. Dangerous, but good. Like most of their milestones.

"Out of time," Jackie said reluctantly.

"I'll get the girls started. You two say goodbye," Hayden said and leaned down to kiss Joey's cheek because he could and Amber wasn't going to tell on them. "See you in a few hours."

The morning routine flew by, three of their four children safely at preschool within the hour. Hayden packed with Amber's less than helpful assistance while Jackie tidied up from breakfast. Only when Amber was down for a nap did Hayden corner her and they made out like teenagers, Jackie sitting on the kitchen counter with Hayden between her legs.

"I feel crazy," he told her. "Nothing makes sense, but I'm also really okay with it. Like scary calm? I might have a breakdown, but not right now."

"Yes," she exhaled. "That's it exactly."

"I love you so much," Hayden told her because it should be said.

"I love you too, babe," she said. "Don't hold up the flight though."

"Yeah, okay," he kissed her. "Don't give Rozanov too many details. I can't have him critiquing my stick handling both ways."

"You know he's going to know whatever you tell Shane, so maybe you don't give details," she said.

"God, I hate everything," Hayden whined and she laughed, shoving him away. "No! Even my wife is rejecting me!"

"Stop it," she laughed harder. "Go away and win us some games."

"I was gonna go be terrible, but I guess I'll put some effort in if you insist."

Hayden rode the high all the way to the airport. Thanks to the success of last season, the GM had apparently decided to keep up with every other team ever and start chartering private flights. Hayden had a hard time imagining any pro team going commercial, but Ottawa had proven different at every turn.

"Hey, man," Hayden came up to Shane's side. They'd both arrived first. Shane on his own power, Hayden because Jackie was pathologically concerned about him missing a flight (one time when he was 21 and had the flu!).

"Hey," Shane said, eyes glued to his phone. "Do you know anything about PowerPop Water? My manager keeps pushing them as a sponsor. It's protein water? Sounds gross. I bet it has a texture."

"Never had it," Hayden said. "They'll send you samples, right? We can just pass them out see what the team thinks."

"Yeah, probably," Shane shook his head, shoving his phone in his pocket. "All good?"

"Yeah," Hayden said. It was all good and Hayden was not a six year old girl who was going to blurt everything out to his bestie immediately. "You?"

"Yeah. I'm positive I left my phone charger at home, but Ilya says I probably packed two."

Hayden found himself saying (not for the first time, but it never got easier),"He's probably right."

"He's such an asshole when he's right," Shane said so fondly it was nauseating.

"Where is he anyway?" Hayden frowned, glancing around.

It was never safe to assume Rozanov wasn't waiting to get the drop on him. Despite not being a player, Rozanov still terrorized Hayden on the ice, skating up to him out of nowhere mid-practice to issue some horrifyingly accurate and cutting guidance that made Hayden significantly better and toweringly furious.

"He and Wiebe had got a call from the GM. They always take forever and he doesn't say anything useful, but they have to take them," Shane shrugged.

So they had a few minutes and no one else was here yet. This wasn't blurting things out, Hayden decided, it was just practical.

"I have a bone to pick with you," Hayden said.

"What's that?" Shane frowned. "We were fine yesterday. Right?"

"Yes. That was before I learned you were being a fucking gatekeeper about cock sucking. That shit rules and you never told me," Hayden said.

It wasn't often that Hayden got to startle Shane into an entire new facial expression. It'd been years since the last one. This one had some surprise, a little lax around the mouth, confusion, eyebrows pulling together, and a lick of flaming anger in his eyes.

"Did you- how-" Shane sputtered. "Hayd, what the fuck?"

"Joey slept over with me and Jackie last night," Hayden said, a little gleeful, despite the intense fear of actually articulating all this. "We're going to like…date and stuff. The three of us."

"How does he always know?" Shane groaned.

"Fuck," Hayden sighed. "He did know. Joey thought he might."

"Know what?" Rozanov asked, sweeping in from out of nowhere. Every. Fucking. Time.

"Uh," Shane said.

Rozanov looked between the two of them and Hayden threw up his hands. "Your fucking honeypot worked, you sicko. What were you doing sending a rookie to seduce me anyway? That's fucked."

"What the fuck?" Rozanov asked.

"You know what. You sent Joey to bring me that jersey for a reason."

"To screw with you, not to screw you," Rozanov said slowly, his eyes darting back and forth. Oh shit. "Wait. No. Pike! When?"

Hayden rolled his eyes up to the sky. He didn't believe in God anymore, but it would be nice if God would believe in him for a minute.

"Last night," Shane supplied.

"Is that why I have a text from Jackie that says 'call me, non-urgent?'" Rozanov asked, a curl of anger seeping into his voice. "Pike did you cheat on your wife?"

"No! She was involved!" Hayden protested then buried his face in his hands.

"Why does Pike look like a tomato?" Barrett asked, approaching with far too much speed.

Hayden fished for a lie and of all people, Rozanov said, "He was born like this. Broken in the head and face. Tragic. Where is your luggage, Barrett? We're going with one bag?"

"I left it by the sign that said 'leave bags here', coach. That a problem?"

"Only if it was not one with our logo on it."

"Fuck."

"Come, we will make sure your shit doesn't go to Nebraska."

Rozanov had saved him. Great. Now Hayden owed him one.

"Can we actually talk at some point?" Hayden said to Shane under the buzz of everyone else arriving. "I'm okay now, but I think I might flip out later."

"Yeah, of course," Shane said, elbowing him. "But you're good? It was good?"

Hayden nodded. "I'm good. Little confused."

"Oh, so normal then?"

"Fuck off, Hollander."

If Hayden had been worried about how he would act when Joey showed up, he didn't have to. They greeted him normally and then melted into the group of younger guys, standing beside Haas, saying little, but attentive to whatever Young and Holmberg were rambling about. They'd showered and changed, kitted out comfortably for travel. It was a different hoodie, this one in their favored bright blue, with a lot of details everywhere with sweats that matched. Trendy, probably.

All Hayden wanted to do was bundle them up under his arm so they could nap together on the plane.

Instead, he sat with Shane and they both did their own thing until Shane fell asleep, head inevitably lolling onto Hayden's shoulder. That was enough to knock Hayden out too. It had been a late night.

Practice, gym, PT for a tight ankle, meals, hotel, game, hotel, practice, gym, press, meals, game. It took three days before Hayden and Shane were awake and unoccupied long enough to talk. They stole a half hour to sit out on a balcony in Nashville. Hayden hadn't gotten so much as a shoulder pat in with Joey, even though they'd played like a dream together on the ice. Haas kept shooting Hayden curious looks when he thought Hayden couldn't see him though, so at least that roommate situation had advantages.

Hayden had his own room. The Cens were coming up in the world, all the guys with any seasoning allowed their own space. It was, Hayden had to admit, kind of lonely. Even if he was mostly jerking off and passing out immediately after video calls home.

"So," Hayden stretched out his legs and rested his feet on the railing, "Am I gay now?"

Shane groaned. "Are you serious?"

"Yes? A little. I don't know! How much counts?"

"You liked sucking dick," Shane said, "I think that counts enough."

"But Joey isn't a guy. I mean there's a dick for sure, but they don't want to be called that."

"They aren't a girl either," Shane sounded so reasonable. "Anyway, is that the first time or were you also hiding some stuff from me?"

" Didn't hide anything. I noticed guys before. I just didn't want to think I was noticing," Hayden admitted. "Then I started on hard mode with all this. Or like easy mode. Joey makes things really easy."

"Must be nice," Shane muttered.

"Hey, no one made you pick the most complicated person you could think of," Hayden rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I'm older and wiser than you were when you met him."

"Older, maybe,' Shane snorted.

"Oh fuck off," Hayden laughed. The city was bright, no stars to be seen, but the moon looked nice, fat and heavy in the sky. "I don't know, man. I feel like nothing changed and everything changed all at once."

"Yeah, it's like that," Shane said, staring out over the skyline. "And Jackie is okay with it?"

Hayden could see her, curled up on her side, watching them with banked heat in her eyes.

"Yeah, she's good. Her and Joey have their own thing going. They've been texting since we left. We just really like them."

"They're young."

"Yeah," Hayden sighed. "I know. But we're not a hundred and five either. I mean, it feels like it sometimes, but we're not even thirty yet. Anyway, not like me and you weren't already fucking goners at twenty-two."

"True," Shane conceded. "It's funny that everyone talks about me committing so hard. Meanwhile, Ilya and me were still fucking around at twenty-two, barely seeing each other. You were married with two fucking kids. Why doesn't anyone bug you about all or nothing?"

"You know why," Hayden said. "And it's not fair. I bet I'm going to get a lot more shit about Joey than anyone ever gave me about Jackie because of it too."

"You're going to tell people?" Shane asked, turning to him."Hayd, really?"

"I'm not keeping them a secret forever," Hayden said firmly. "I mean we're going to wait to make sure it sticks, no use spreading the word just to break up, but…yeah. I want to tell people."

"What about your mother?" Shane asked.

That was a fair question. Hayden loved his mother, but she was not an enormous day-to-day presence in his life anymore. Hadn't been for years. As soon as he went pro it was like she had released her responsibility of him with a little too much relief. Even more so once he and Jackie got married. She was a dutiful grandmother, sending gifts and cards, visiting every few months mostly on holidays. They talked on the phone for ten minutes once a month, a check in. Hayden was still her emergency contact, her current manfriend not reliable enough for that.

Would she even understand? Would she hate knowing? Hayden tried to imagine those already stilted phone calls failing. He'd miss her, if she stopped talking to him. Stopped loving him? The thought was painful, lodging in his chest like a burr. He had, at least, always been sure she loved him. But if it was between Jackie and his mother, it wasn't even a contest. And Jackie would want to live honestly. Hayden wanted to live honestly.

"Yeah," Hayden said. "Eventually. Before the public gets ahold of it."

"Public," Shane repeated. "Are you listening to yourself?"

"Oh, sorry, should I change teams and make a press release about it?"

"Hey," Shane protested. "You did change teams. Such a fucking copycat."

"Your fucking boyfriend seduced me into it, don't put that on me."

"You fell for it."

"Yeah. Well," Hayden groaned. "I dunno. Joey is perfect, what do you want from me? I gave up ten years of repression for them in two months."

"All or nothing Pike," Shane said.

"Yeah," Hayden shrugged. "Like finds like or whatever."

They both sat with that for a second and Shane said, "Did we kind of know, you think? Back then? Maybe that's why we became friends."

"Because we both wanted to suck dick and weren't admitting it?" Hayden asked, bemused. "No, man, I just loved that you weren't a fucking asshole. I mean, you are, but my kind of asshole."

"Yeah, okay," Shane ducked his head, smiling a little. "Guess you were my kind of asshole too."

Then they were both yawning and headed inside to their own beds.

Hayden still felt calm. It was worrying. Where was the panic? The horror? The scrambling?

Before he fell asleep, his phone buzzed.

Joey: Are you in your room?

Hayden: Yes. You?

Joey: Luca and Young are watching baseball. I'm so bored I might die. Can I come hang?

Hayden: Yes. 589.

Maybe because every time Hayden was about to freak out, he found Joey moving through the locker room or on the ice or a few seats down at another table. Just seeing them made him breathe easier, a steady pillar in whatever emotional storm Hayden had started brewing. Especially when they found his gaze and returned it with a private smile, an acknowledgement sparking between them.

The knock came quickly and Hayden was already at the door, whipping it open.

"Hi," Joey said and Hayden backed up so they could get in. He shut the door.

"Hey," he said and reached for them, relieved when they reached back.

They kissed with Joey's back against the door for a long time.

"Better than baseball?" Hayden asked when he pulled back to breathe.

"A little," Joey grinned. "Hi."

"Hi, baby."

Joey melted a little, "You calling me that should be fucked up."

"Why?" Hayden asked.

"Cause you're older? I don't know. I like it though."

"Good," Hayden kissed them again, then drew away reluctantly. "We have to find another activity. I know Jackie is already sleeping, so we can't call her."

"Mm, I know, she texted me good night," Joey said with no little satisfaction. "What do you want to do instead?"

They settled on watching a movie, Hayden getting his wish at last to cuddle the hell out of them. He fell asleep before the hero even named themselves and woke up alone in the morning, the blankets folded over him.

Hayden: Sorry I fell asleep on you.

Joey: It was nice. Your nose whistles.

Hayden: Musical accompaniment in bed is my fortress. Forte. Fuck this stupid thing.

Joey: Voice-to-text?

Hayden: How can you tell? Stupid thing. Sometimes I don't bother, autocorrect is pretty good these days.

Joey: I like when you use it. You sound like yourself.

Hayden cradled that compliment all day.

Jackie's email came in on their first real stretch of time off. The Cens were in Sante Fe and a good chunk of the team had gone on some haphazard tour down memory lane with Wiebe. Joey had somehow ferreted out a quiet restaurant with some outdoor space. They were seated in a corner, away from listening ears.

"Okay…" Joey took in a breath and expelled it. "She says, 'I spent a lot of time writing things down and then deleting them because the answers were obvious once I saw the question. Some of the other things I really want to know, I don't think any of us can answer yet."

"Fair," Hayden said.

"Yeah," Joey nodded, "I've got a few of those too. Uh, let's see… 'So instead I thought of a few questions related to intimacy. Uh…oh shit. Wow. These are detailed. And I think she did some research."

"What kind?" Hayden could see Jackie in bed, laptop pulled up close as she read in her efficient way, making notes.

"Uh, mostly about me, I think. 'How do you want us to talk about your genitals?' Wow."

"I didn't think about that," Hayden winced. "Sorry?"

"I would've said something," Joey shook their head. "The words you've been using are fine."

"Might as well start the reply, we can go through them one by one. She'll like that."

"Yeah, sure."

Most of Jackie's questions were practical enough. Joey frowned, "'Are we exclusive or is it too early to ask?' It is kind of early, but…I'm okay with it."

"Yeah?" Hayden tried not to give any outward reaction even though he was internally cheering. "Were you seeing anyone else before?"

"Nothing regular. I hadn't actually gotten laid in a few months," Joey started typing into the reply. "I usually get around. Especially with guys. If I didn't put my pronouns on Grindr, I cleaned up."

"You're hot that makes sense," Hayden said a little numbly. "God, we must seem so ridiculous to you."

Joey looked up immediately. "Hayd, what?"

All of Jackie's sensible, but naive questions. Hayden's stupid jokes. They were wandering into a forest they'd only ever observed from afar like they could easily make it out the other side.

"We're just fumbling around in the dark. Have you ever had to answer a bulleted list of questions before?"

"I wish I had. I like it better than people assuming things," Joey said solemnly. "Don't you think I'm nervous as hell too?  I've never had a relationship before. The intimacy stuff is easy. That's just bodies. Feelings are harder. And you guys have been together a long time. I'm butting in." 

Hayden glanced around, but no one was paying them any attention. He reached under the table and took Joey's hand in his. It was so different than Jackie's soft small fingers, but it felt good. Solid and a little rough. Strong. Anchoring.

"You're not. We opened the door and we want you here. And it's not like I'm a pro at relationships. I know how to be Jackie's husband, not a...I don't know. A boyfriend. What do you want us to use?" 

"I don't think we're there yet," Joey said, holding on a little tighter. "Are we? It was only one night."

"We've been trying to date you for weeks, even if we didn't know it," Hayden admitted. "I got so nervous about inviting you over that first night, I almost bailed. Don't usually do that for a causal hang." 

"Oh," Joey gave him a shy smile. "Really?" 

"You sit too far away on the couch," Hayden said, certain that he was mirroring that smile right back. "You should come cuddle next time." 

"I will. So. You're my boyfriend, huh? And Jackie's my girlfriend?" 

"I think so. You should ask her though."  

Joey didn't take their hand back, writing the question into the reply one handed. They bit their lower lip when they concentrated. It did things to Hayden's head, so he focused on finishing his lunch.  

"Partner is okay, but it feels pretty committed," Joey said, setting down the phone. "I like baby, but please don't introduce me that way." 

"No?" Hayden grinned. "You sure? Could be cute." 

"I'll kick you in the shins." 

"You need my shins," Hayden reminded them. 

"You can play bruised. Let's figure it out as we go, I guess." 

"Okay. Jackie have anything else for us?" 

"Uh, yeah," with that shitty smirk, Joey asked, "Ready?" 

"Oh god," Hayden had a feeling he knew what was coming. "No, but yes. Hit me." 

Joey squeezed his hand again instead. "'Hayden and I have messed around with fingers during blowjobs, but I'm not sure how comfortable he is with anal. You two should talk about it. I'm not interested in receiving, but I've enjoyed fingering him.' Man alive, I like her so much."

"Oh my god," Hayden said, sucker punched. "Jacks. Why?"

"I think it's a good conversation prompt. How many are we talking here? One? Two?"

"Two ," Hayden might die here on this patio a thousand miles away from home. "She's got small hands though. I think yours would be…yeah. Shit."

Hayden had been not thinking about it so hard that it was violent to have it brought to the forefront. Did he want that? Could he even stomach it? Or was it like cock sucking which had been so immediately appealing as soon as it was actually on offer?  It was so...gay. Really really gay. There was no denying it.  Taking it up the ass was the final frontier of gay.

There was no going back if he liked that. Not that there was any going back now. If Joey never touched him again, Hayden might miss them for the rest of his life which was crazy, but a crazy Hayden was familiar with at least.

"Does it hurt?" He asked and god, that was embarrassing to ask. But Joey only shook their head. 

"Not if we do it right," Joey put their joined hands in their lap. "I'd make you feel good, I promise. And if you hate it, we'd stop." 

"You like it that way?" 

"Mhm. Both ways. I'm nonbinary, pansexual and vers. I've never made a definitive decision in my life," Joey grinned so it must be a joke.

"Baby, you're more sure of yourself than anyone I've ever met," Hayden said. "It's one of the things I like about you."

"Fuck," Joey sat back in their chair, staring at him. "Really?"

"Really," Hayden said. "You know what you like and who you are. It's hot. Confidence is hot."

Joey stared out in the middle distance which bought Hayden some time to change the subject. He had other questions now anyway.

"What's the difference?" Hayden asked. Might as well ask all the dumbest questions that had been clamoring in him. "Between bi and pan?" 

"Ask an easy one, why don't you?" Joey said with a snort. "It's kind of a person-by-person thing. Bi kind of implies you like two genders, but most bi people don't actually feel that way and like everything, it's just a term that feels good to them. Pansexual means you like everyone, no limits. I've tasted the rainbow and liked all of it so that's what felt right to me."

"Haas too, right?"

"Yeah, though he's a way less accomplished slut than me." Hayden choked a little and Joey laughed. "Only I can call me that, by the way."

"Yeah, no, if I said that word in front of Jackie about anyone, I'd be a dead man," Hayden said quickly. "I can't think about Haas and slut in the same sentence. He looks like one of those angel babies from old paintings."

"He kinda does," Joey laughed. "And he doesn't like talking about anal in public any more than you do, if it helps."

"Wow, yeah great," Hayden was never going to be a normal shade of pale ever again. "Thanks for that."

"You're welcome," Joey said cheerily. "You want to know what else your wife is curious about? Cause she's not done."

"Oh god, yeah okay. Hit me."

"Apparently she found out what docking is and wants to know if that's even comfortable."

"What the fuck is that?" Hayden asked, praying it was something vaguely normal.

"We should get booze," Joey decided.

It was a very interesting hour and by the end of it, Hayden could admit to himself that he was glad they had a moratorium on sex for the next few days because just listening to Joey talk about this stuff had him halfway to finished. A new kind of porn that Hayden had to inoculate himself to or he'd become a minute man. If he was going to have gay sex, he was at least going to make it last.

"Docking?" Hayden asked his wife as soon as she was alone in their bedroom, all kids read to and duly said good night to.

"I wasn't sure what would be relevant," she said calmly.

"You're a dangerous woman," Hayden said and flopped back on the bed. "I feel so stupid. Like I missed out on some course that everyone else got."

"I doubt most of the guys you know knew anything about most of it, babe," Jackie said. "And if they did, they wouldn't admit it."

"Shane knew," Hayden said mutinously. "I wish- god, I know why he didn't. I do. But I wish he'd told me."

It was far from the first time Hayden had said it to her, but there were new reasons now.

"I know, babe. You know why he couldn't."

"Yeah," Hayden breathed out. "Is Rozanov being a good listener or do I have a reason to wreck his shit?"

"Babe, even if you had a reason, please don't fight Ilya. First of all because it would upset me and Shane, but second of all, he would kill you."

"I could get a few good ones in first," Hayden considered that for a second, "You know if Joey helped me-"

"No. We're not dating Joey so you can have a second in a fight that's ridiculous."

"So Rozanov is helping."

"Yes," Jackie said mildly. "It's nice. Having a friend like him."

"I'm glad for you," Hayden said, tossing out the rest of his dignity. Might as well. "If he's doing right by you then I'm happy. Maybe see if Cassie can come over though? More than one friend is good."

"I was thinking about her and Lisa, actually. And maybe Selina. I like all of them," Jackie said warmly. "I like this team."

"Me too," he said with a smile at the ceiling. He could still feel Joey's hand in his. "We're off to a damn good start."

Another run of hectic days and at last, they arrived in New Jersey, exhausted and done with planes, but ready for one last game. Gathered in the locker room, most of them halfway changed, Hayden held up an invisible mic to his mouth.

"Tell us, Mx. Yolen, how do you feel about going up against your hometown team? Are you prepared to do what needs doing against your old idols?"

He held the mic out to them and Joey leaned in, pretended to tap on it then said seriously, "I'm from fucking Ottawa tonight. Let's fuck 'em up!"

"Hell yeah," Dykstra slapped Joey on the shoulder. "That's what I like to hear."

"Should be easy pickings," Bood said, brushing imaginary dirt off his jersey. "They've been playing like shit. Let's run them over and go home."

They did run them over, 3-1 and Hayden had sunk one of those goals. The other two were Shane's, naturally. It was a good game and Hayden showered already picturing the hotel bed with some serious longing even as he heard plans being formed.

Hayden was most of the way into his civilian clothes when Joey shot up off the bench, head cocked to one side. Whatever they'd heard made them go, "For fuck's sake," and stomp into their sneakers before darting out the door. Haas looked to Hayden, both of them equally lost. They both darted after them.

In the hallway, Joey had only made it ten feet before saying, "Mama, I know they told you where to wait!"

"I was looking for the bathroom, sheffele!"

Oh. Shit. Hayden needed to turn around right now. This was definitely too fast.

"Mama- oh, come on!"

"Jimjam!" Another woman said. "Are you going to introduce us to your friends?"

"Spooks, you have to know this isn't okay. Why is everyone here? There's a waiting room? What if security had stopped you?"

"They pointed us this way to the bathroom, don't be a nervous chaleryeh!"

"Everything all right here?" Rozanov's voice reverberated down the hallway. "Pike, why are these people everywhere?"

The crowd gathered around Joey would have obviously been their family even Hayden hadn't heard a word. None of them came up past Hayden's chin and they all had thick black hair and generous lips. Three women, one man and two kids who had to be older than Ruby and Jade, but not by much.

"Jimjam!" One of the kids launched up and Joey caught them with one arm, then made an 'oomph'.

"All good coach," they said with a small spike of annoyance. "My family is bad with directions. Everyone, this is Coach Rozanov."

"Nice to meet you," Joey's father stuck out his hand and shook Rozanov's seriously. "You're taking good care of our kid, we appreciate it."

"Dad!" Joey groaned. "C'mon. He's not my teacher."

"No, no, let him thank me," Rozanov grinned his shark grin. "No one else does."

"I thank you all the time," Joey protested.

"Introduce us," Joey's mother insisted again. She was a gently rounded woman, but her face was Joey's face and her smile was Joey's sunny smile. "They're waiting very patiently."

Joey whirled around, the kid in their arms holding on for dear life and giddy with it. Haas waved a little. Joey met Hayden's eyes with fire and he winced. "Sorry, just came to see what the fuss was about."

"Oh, I know this one," one of the other women said. The one with all the piercings. "Mama, that's Hayden Pike."

"That's me," Hayden said lightly even as his mouth went dry.

"Yep," Joey said quickly. "And this is Luca Haas. Mama, I told you about Luca."

"And told me and told me," she nodded, pushing Joey out the way with a wave of her hand. "Let me look at this man that my child tells me is their new best friend."

"They're my best friend too," Luca said and gave his best little angelic smile. Mrs. Yolen didn't seem moved.

"Why are you so small? No one feeds you?"

"Uh," Luca, who at this point in the season was about two hundred pounds of muscle, blinked rapidly, "I eat a lot?"

"Not enough," she deemed. "Next time, Joey, you bring these boys to our house. Mr. Pike, you too."

"Yes, sure," Hayden said bemused. "My wife feeds me plenty though."

"Not enough," she said again. "You boys play so hard and sweat so much, it pours straight off you. Joey almost ate the walls after games."

"I'm Rivkah," the unpierced sister said. "Sorry that we invaded your space, but Joey said they'd only have a few minutes and Mama got impatient. That's Shira is behind me."

"It's nice to meet you," Hayden said automatically. Rozanov was still talking to Mr. Yolen, apparently highly entertained. That was probably trouble.

"Not as nice as it is to meet you," Rivkah said. She read Hayden's face like he was a book and he shifted uneasily. Shira had intercepted Mrs. Yolen and now Joey, Luca and the two women were talking loudly. It would've been distracting, but Hayden couldn't look away from very familiar eyes in a very familiar face in a different format.

"I'm new to the team, but Joey has been a big help in getting me used to things," Hayden ventured. "I'm grateful that they're here."

"I'll bet," she said still staring him down. "And are they happy, do you think? They call, we talk. But it's hard to tell from so far away."

"Most of the time, yeah," Hayden said. Even if he wondered if Joey was unhappy sometimes, that wasn't their sister's business.

"You're friends," she said and it wasn't a question, but Hayden nodded anyway. "They spend a lot of time with your family."

"They're great with the kids," Hayden said.

"They are good with kids. But they're not a babysitter."

"No, I know that," that rankled a little and Hayden knew it showed on his face. "We just have them over a lot because we like them."

She bit her lower lip. The genetics were strong with this group. It would be funny if Hayden wasn't deeply concerned about the outcome of this meeting.

"They've always done things their own way. It makes my parents crazy," Rivkah said frankly. "Hockey, dropping out of college, running off to Ottawa. When they came out, none of us even knew what nonbinary was. They printed out articles and just left them around the house and would point to them if we asked questions. They were sixteen."

"Yeah that sounds right," Hayden glanced at Joey, who was still holding their nibling and arguing with their mother. Or just talking loudly. Hard to say. "They know what they want."

"And they won't listen to anyone once they decide on it. I know," she sighed as if it weighed on her. Maybe it did. "We worry. That's all. You worry about your kids, don't you?"

"All the damn time," Hayden said. "But they're not a kid anymore."

"They always will be to me. That's my baby sibling. I was twelve when they were born. Don't you have siblings?"

"No," Hayden said. "But I get it, I do. Just not how I see them,"

"I guess not. Just… you watch out for them, right? That's what teams are supposed to do, isn't it?"

The cold shut down faces of the Metreos flashed through Hayden's mind. "Ideally, yeah. We do our best.'

"Spooks!" Joey said, "Leave him alone! You all need to go."

"That's so rude, Jimjam," she scolded. "We came here to support you!"

"And I told you that I can't hang out. I'll be home in a few weeks and you can torture me for days."

"Gotta ask about 'Jimjam'," Hayden whispered to her.

"You know how family nicknames are, they start with one thing and then they wind up somewhere else. They loved jam, so it was Joe Jam for awhile. I don't even remember how we tipped into Jim Jam. Then it was just one word cause we said it so often."

"It's really cute," Hayden said.

"I don't know what you two are talking about, but I want it to stop," Joey whined.

"Sheffele, are you sure you can't come home for an hour? We'll just have coffee."

"You say that and then I'm late for my plane ride home in the morning," Joey said.

"And sheffele?" Hayden asked quickly as Rivkah did start to make her way to over to retrieve the child Joey was holding.

"Yiddish! It means 'little lamb'."

"I hate you," Joey growled.

"I know, Jimjam," she beamed at him and took what was presumably her child out of their arms. "You did well tonight. We're all very proud."

"Liar," Joey accused.

"Let her tell you lies," Rozanov said, leaning against the wall now, watching them the same way a cat might watch a pack of dogs from a careful distance. "They are nice ones."

"See? He gets it," Shira laughed. "But really, it is very cool to see you in your jersey, dashing around and getting assists. You're doing our name proud out there. We love you."

"We do," Mrs. Yolen confirmed and pat one of Joey's cheeks. "I am always proud of you, you know that. Even though you threaten your beautiful brains."

"Thanks, Mama," they sighed.

It took a little more doing for the Yolens to leave, but they went eventually and Hayden didn't have to look any other fierce women in the eye. Mr. Yolen only shook his hand and said, "You're better looking than your trading card. Even with the helmet hair."

"Well," Joey said as they watched the hallway like one of them might reappear at any second. "That happened."

"It did," Rozanov said with relish. "Your family is very loud. I like them."

"Yeah, they're the worst, but I love them," Joey huffed. "Since you four are out here already, I was going to invite you guys, Hollander and Barrett out tonight."

"So this is why you don't go home with your nice family," Rozanov determined. "Why only us?"

"Some of my college friends are in a drag show. I told them I'd bring a few people, but I'm not bringing the straights with me. It's not a fucking cultural exchange," Joey said. "I know they'll be supportive, but it's not that kind of night."

"I want to go," Rozanov said immediately. "I will get Hollander. Barrett…eh. It will be good for him. Like strong medicine. When?'

No one questioned why Hayden was coming. Actually, no one asked Hayden if he even wanted to go. A half hour later he was simply in the back of a dark SUV with Joey shoved in next to him, texting like their life depended on it.

"We're good, they're running late," Joey said with an eye roll. "Loose is freaking out like this shit ever runs on time."

"Where are we going again?" Shane asked, yawning from under Rozanov's arm.

"It's a drag show. Probably some burlesque. Small place, like thirty seats, but it's hard to get it filled sometimes," Joey said to their phone mostly. "They think I know hot queer guys that they can flirt with. I tried to tell them you're all in committed relationships or Luca, but no one listens."

"They can all flirt with me," Luca said happily.

"You're way too happy about my mother trying to fatten you up for the kill."

"Yes, I am, Jimjam," Luca grinned.

"No," Joey hissed.

"It's sweet," Luca protested. "I like it."

"You want me to call your mother and get your pet names out of her?"

"Bärli," Luca supplied immediately. "It means little bear."

"You got one, Barrett?" Joey asked, finally dropping their phone back into their lap. "I'm not going down alone and Luca has no shame."

"Bean," Barrett's eyes slid away. "Mom called me that when I was little. Dad hated it."

"Don't ask me this," Rozanov said firmly. "But Shane was 'duck'. Very cute."

"Only my Dad ever said that. When I was really little," Shane corrected.

Hayden sensed the entire car turning their attention to him and he shrugged. "My mother always said she named me Hayden to call me Hayden. She doesn't even like when people call me 'Hayd'."

Rozanov made a noise at the back of his throat, but when Hayden went to glare at him, he found something knowing and maybe a little sympathetic there instead. He quickly looked away. There was only so much he could do in one night.

Joey sneaked their hand into his in the dark of the car and that Hayden could definitely do. He'd gotten in his own rapid fire text to Jackie about meeting the Yolens, and they exchanged a lot of !!! about it. He'd only barely managed to tell her about the drag show before he'd been summoned away.

The club was mostly a bar, Hayden discovered quickly. A big one with a lot of glass and hot pink lights. There was a tiny stage with a background of silvery tinsel. Tables crowded together on what was likely usually a dance floor, and despite Joey's predictions, they were mostly full. There was a table upfront with a reserved sign and Joey led them straight to it.

"Joey!" Someone cried out as they got close.

"Sal!" Joey yelled back and then they were leaping onto the stage charging across it and slamming into a smallish guy with a mullet and scraggly beard. Joey picked Sal clear off the ground and spun him around.

"Best friend from high school," Hayden supplied to the group. The name had come up a few times.

"Yes," Luca said with a slight narrowing of the eyes. "I must beat him in combat."

"Woah, chill," Hayden laughed. "They can like both of you."

On stage, Joey set Sal down and studied them like Rivkah had studied Hayden. Very strong genetics. "The beard! I love it."

"Right? It's so fucking itchy, but I'm so into it. Can't believe you made it! Loose is so psyched you came. Can I meet your hot ass friends or what?"

The two of them hopped down, Sal using Joey's shoulder as leverage once they were planted on the floor.

"Guys, this is Sal. Sal, the guys."

"Hey," Sal said, squaring his shoulders and taking in the assembled wall of hockey flesh. "Okay, I bet I can do this. I watched all your games last season."

"Do what?" Joey grinned.

Sal pointed, "Troy Barrett, Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Luca Haas…and…holy shit, Joey."

"Mhm."

"You said you only brought the queer ones."

"I did say that," Joey said.

Sal lifted his eyebrows and gave Hayden a slow up and down. "Wow, J. Did you make a wish on a falling star or something?"

"Fuck off," Joey groaned.

Sal held out his hand to Hayden. Their nails were painted a glittering green. "It's a fucking pleasure, Mr. Hayden Pike."

"I'm going to get a complex," Hayden said and shook it.

"This is the only place in the world you are famous," Rozanov said with mild surprise. "Newark. This seems fitting."

"Fuck off," Hayden groaned.

Sal's eyes went a little wider and darted to Joey. "You two sound-"

"Shut up," Joey warned.

"Lips are sealed. Two drink minimum, guys, but you can have soda. We support sober lifestyles. What can I get you?"

"You're the bartender?" Barrett asked.

"Yep, and the show host and the DJ. I'm a man of many talents."

Everyone settled for sodas, all too aware of their morning flight back. Joey followed Sal to the bar and Hayden was left sitting next to Luca who was staring at them with some intense jealousy that Hayden decided not to deal with.

"So what's this all going to be like?" Hadyen asked the rest of them.

He got back blank stares. Only Rozanov didn't seem entirely clueless, but he also didn't offer up anything, so that was probably him putting up a knowing front to look better.

"Harris told me he used to watch Drag Race, but I've never seen it," Barrett offered.

A lot of things that Joey said made a lot of sense all at once. No wonder they felt alone sometimes.

"Haven't you all done gay clubs and stuff? That is a thing, right?" Hayden tried.

"I have gone to a few," Rozanov said with a shrug. "With dancers sometimes, but not a show like this."

"We went to Fabian's concert," Shane pointed out.

"I go clubbing," Luca said. "But it's mostly drinking and dancing, not shows."

Joey came back with their drinks. "I've been put to work, but don't get used to this treatment."

They didn't even return the tray, only taking their seat on Hayden's other side. They were already relaxed here, some tightness that Hayden had noticed in their back finally unknotted.

"You must miss Sal, huh?" Hayden asked because that was safer and less jumbled than other questions.

"Yeah, I do. We understood each other, you know? Before either of us had words for it. Even when you're not out, you find your people. You know without knowing."

Like Shane and Hayden, apparently. Like Rozanov and Shane, definitely.

"You know you're the only at this table who's been to a drag show before?" Hayden lowered his voice.

"I figured. That's why I did a bank run," Joey shrugged. Then they reached into their coat and pulled out a stack of ones, sliced it up and spread it around the table. "Tip the dolls and we'll all have fun."

It was fun. The host was a drag queen named Raine Daze. She was funny, shooting off so many jokes it was hard to catch them all. Most of the acts were dancing around to a song or some movie scenes over music. Hayden did toss bills once he got the gist of things. Some of the patrons got a little more handsy, but there seemed to be an understanding of where bills could go without crossing boundaries. It was nothing like the strip clubs Hayden had been in for bachelor parties over the years.

At one point Rozanov did obligingly stick a single into a queen's bodice with a wink and got a boop on the nose from a very long fingernail that seemed to please him. Shane didn't seem to mind, giving Rozanov an indulgent look as he sat back down.

There were a few other drag queens, but Joey only whistled for one of the drag kings, 'Loose Change', who did a lounge singer act that had a running gag of tearing off a fake mustache to reveal yet another fake mustache underneath.

"Way to go, Loose!" Joey called out.

"Why aren't you up here, Yolen?" Loose called back. "Too good for us now, Mx. Hockey?"

"I don't look as good doing it!"

Loose knelt down at the edge of the stage and made grabby hands at them. "Get up here and let me grind on you for money. I got rent to pay, hot stuff."

"Like this is gonna get the job done," Joey said, then glanced at Hayden. "I'm gonna…"

Hayden nodded like he had any fucking idea what was about to happen. He very much did not. He certainly wasn't prepared for the song to abruptly change.

"Sal!" Joey protested.

"You know this one! Make it work!"

Joey shook their head and turned their back onto the, by now very drunk and rowdy, audience. It only took a few bars to recognize 'Holding Out for Hero', but it was a cover with a man's voice. Loose really hammed it up, sliding around the stage, giving everyone over the top winks.

Then the line It's gonna take a Superman to sweep me off my feet, hit and Loose rushed at Joey, who braced as Loose jumped up onto their shoulders. Carefully, Joey turned around and as Loose completed his number, Joey obediently flexing their muscles and tried not to laugh as Loose squeezed one bicep, fanning himself wildly.

When the refrain started to fade, Joey held up both their hands and Loose pushed up and jumped neatly down into a bow. Hayden threw his remaining ones at the stage, balled up like he saw other people doing so they reached.

Joey neatly slipped off the stage and refound their seat next to Hayden.

"You looked good," Hayden said. "Nice form."

"We had to practice that for like three hours before we did it the first time. She kicked me in the head like four times," they complained, but sounded so pleased that Hayden could well imagine a giddy afternoon on some grassy quad.

"Got it one this time though." And it was cheesy and potentially stupid, but Hayden was already here, so he put his arm around the back of Joey's chair. Joey leaned back against it, so he figured that was all right.

After the show, the woman under Loose's suit, a bouncy brunette named Jen, joined them, along with Sal and eventually one of the queens too, freshly washed down to 'Basil, he/she/they'. Whatever tension there might have been from such a blended party never manifested. Barrett asked Jen about her workout routine, since she was startlingly muscular and that got Shane's attention.

Haas started flirting with Sal after determining that he didn't actually want to kill him which made Joey go through about fifteen different expressions before settling on 'cautiously okay' as far as Hayden could tell.

And Hayden….well. Basil was very nice.

"You're a newbie," she guessed.

"Very," Hayden said. "But I had a good time and I liked your singing."

She'd sung live, something pop-y that Hayden hadn't recognized.

"Thank you. I like how you made Nashville cry. My old hometown, always nice to see them go down like a lead balloon," Basil winked.

"My pleasure though that was a group effort. You watch hockey?"

"We do because of Joey. Started going to their games in college," Basil blew a kiss to Joey, who caught it and stuck it in their pocket. "They were very good at explaining the rules. It was fun, so we got in the habit. I won't say I follow during most of the season, but we do group watch the occasional Centaurs game and usually do the playoffs. There's this great bar in the city that's queer as hell and has hockey on all the time."

"The Kingfisher?" Rozanov asked, even though Hayden was positive he'd been listening to Jen a second before.

"Yes!" Basil said with delight. "You've been?"

"Scott Hunter's bar," Rozanov explained to Hayden. Scott Hunter had a bar? "Yes. I've been. You know Kip?"

"He's so cute! Of course, I know Kip," Basil waggled his eyebrows. "I mean not anymore. He's so married now."

"Small world. When did you know him?" Rozanov was now very interested in Basil. Well. Sorry to Scott Hunter, but Hayden could barely even defend himself against Rozanov, the man was on his own.

"Around the same time I knew Kyle."

"Basil," Rozanov said seriously, "I might love you. Tell me more."

"Ilya," Shane said with a hint of warning, "they're our friends."

"Yes, it's good to know things about friends."

"I don't kiss and tell anyway, handsome," Basil laughed. "I find the present company much more interesting."

Shane's hand was instantly on Rozanov's neck and Rozanov huffed a laugh, "You are interesting too, but not as interesting as my very boring boyfriend."

"I was hoping Joey was wrong and you two might consider sharing," Basil pouted. "No?"

"No," they said as a growling unit which was a little cute and very intense.

"Woah, all right," Basil held up a hand, "message received."

"I told you," Joey said. "Don't try Barrett either. Hopelessly devoted."

Considering Sal was staring intently into Luca's eyes as he excitedly tried to explain something that dead end took care of itself. Basil's eyes cut around to their end of the table.

"Nope," Joey leaned harder against Hayden, who curved an arm around them protectively out of sheer instinct.

"You promised me hot hockey boys," Basil sighed. "You never deliver, Yolen."

"I told you exactly what you were getting. What happened to Henri anyway?"

"I didn't tell you? He fucked off back to his ex-wife."

"But they hate each other!"

"That's what I said! He's a lost cause." Basil launched into a very funny, but actually sad story about his ex and Hayden found himself giving advice like he actually knew what the fuck he was talking about.

All in all, it was far too late when they got back to the hotel and Hayden was already picturing a good nap on the plane.

"I don't want to wake up Holmberg," Joey said when they got out of the car.

It wasn't a leap to figure out what they were asking and they wound up in bed together, chastely clothed and too tired to do more than kiss once and pass out, one of Joey's legs tossed over both of Hayden's.

Hayden woke up before them again. He wasn't sure if they were a deep sleeper, didn't want to risk waking them by pulling them in closer or touching them. Instead, he left quietly and came back with coffee, warm fresh bagels and a small container of cream cheese. from the place he'd noticed on the corner. They both needed the calories after so many long days, he figured.

"Smells good in here," Joey cracked open one eye. "Can we eat in bed since we're not cleaning up? We can leave a bigger tip or something."

They ate it bed, Joey dropped their head to Hayden's shoulder once the food was gone.

"I like your friends," Hayden said. "And your family. Your sister scares me, but I can work with it."

"I can't believe you ran that gauntlet in one night. I'm so sorry," Joey mumbled.

Hayden dropped a kiss into their hair. "S'okay. We're doing things in a screwy order. Jackie would've loved last night. We'll have to make sure she gets to come next time."

"I'd like that," Joey said softly. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"You met my family and Jackie's told me about hers. There's pictures everywhere. What's yours like?"

Hayden sighed. "Not much to tell, baby. No siblings, no close extended family. It was the three of us. Dad died when I was sixteen."

"I'm sorry. That must've been hard," Joey took his hand like the grief was fresh instead of a distant memory.

Sometimes it was fresh because grief was a nasty bastard.

"He was dying for a long time. I don't really remember him being well," Hayden said. "Then it was just me and Mom. She's dental hygienist. Good at it too. People like her. She knows everyone in town practically."

"Friendly like you," Joey rubbed their cheek against his shoulder a little.

"Yeah, she can be. And there's Shane. He's family too."

"And Rozanov?" Joey teased.

"You're being mean to me. I'm baring my soul here," Hayden pouted and was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek.

"Sorry, Hayd," Joey sing-songed. "Anyway, I like your family too. Obviously."

Obviously. Hayden pulled Joey in tighter. He'd talked to a drag queen last night and the first trans man he'd ever known he was speaking to. Sal hadn't been any of the things Hayden built up in his head. He was a guy with a bad haircut, septum piercing and a wry sense of humor. Basil had been feminine even out of drag, but also a little bloodthirsty when they talked about Ottawa going up against New York and she threw back tequila shots like they were water. They'd only been people. Joey's people. Hayden liked them. He'd hang out with them all again.

It had been less then two weeks and Joey Yolen had fundamentally changed Hayden's life for the better.

"Are you okay?" Hayden asked. "That was a lot of shit for you too in one night."

"My mom is going to call me every day for a month to complain that I didn't go back home last night, but yeah, I'm good. I wish I'd gotten more time with Sal though."

"Invite him up to Ottawa. I know it's not that exciting, and we don't have a ton of free time, but there's got to be a few days that work. Then the whole off season."

"I don't know if he'd let me pay for the flight," Joey said.

"I think he might if you promised you'd spend time with Luca too."

Joey groaned and slumped so far over, they were laying over Hayden's thighs. "I don't know what I thought would happen, but it wasn't that."

"Makes sense if you think about it."

"Does it?" Joey asked him incredulously.

"Why wouldn't your friends like each other? They already have something pretty great in common," Hayden dropped his hands to rest on Joey's chest. "The mullet is awful though."

"I like it. It's very him."

Hayden's phone alarm beeped, then Joey's went off. They both made guttural noises and levered themselves out of bed. Hayden got a rushed kiss as Joey dashed back down to their room to pack everything up.

The nap on the plane ride home was fantastic, even if it was next to Hayes, who was muttering to himself over a stack of comics. Shane had been roped into Scrabble which seemed horrific to Hayden, so godspeed to him.

Hayden woke up before landing and wandered to the bathroom. When he got out, he sought out Joey, awake next to a sleeping Luca.

"Come over tonight?" He asked, in case that was in question. "You don't have to stay if you want to sleep in your own bed, but I know Jacks would love to see you."

"She beat you to it," Joey smiled up at him. "Texted me about it yesterday. I'm coming once I unpack and do some laundry."

"I love that woman," Hayden said reverently.

He almost made it back to his seat when he was impeded by an arm across the aisle. Rozanov tilted his head to the empty spot beside him. Wiebe was across the aisle listening intently to Holmberg describe something with a pen and a cocktail napkin.

"What?" Hayden asked warily, but he sat down.

"Calm down, I don't want to kill you today."

"A full day? What a win for me."

"I don't want you to think I sent Joey to you like some kind of…" Rozanov waved his hand, looking for a word and settling on, "trick. I like them. They were interested in you as a player and I thought maybe, Pike is a little like us and does not know it. That's all."

"That's a lot," Hayden said, but he couldn't find any anger left in him about it. "I like them too."

"You like them differently," Rozanov said with a snort. "I hope."

"I do," And because it needed to be said, Hayden mustered up, "Thanks for listening to Jackie."

"She is my friend," Rozanov said. "She listens to me too."

It was that simple. They were friends. Rozanov liked people and tried to make them happy. It wasn't entirely his fault that the way he went about it made him seem like an evil mastermind. Probably. And Shane loved him.

"I'm never going to call you Ilya," Hayden said.

"I would punch you," Rozanov said. "Hayden is a name for a golden retriever, not a man."

"You love dogs," Hayden pointed out.

"Go away Pike," Rozanov grunted.

"With pleasure."

The house was in chaos when Hayden walked in the door. Arthur's stuffed sheep had somehow been callously misplaced by some unknown perpetrator and before Hayden could even say hello to Jackie, he was roped into the lead detective role. After much hunting, Sheepie was located under the dining room table, reunited with a weepy, napless Arthur and both the girls were talking at Hayden at once, trying to catch him up on everything he'd missed.

So Joey arrived and actually got to kiss Jackie first because they were a lucky little prick and then the kids defected from squabbling over Hayden's lap to attempting to get Joey's attention. Which did at least free Hayden up to box Jackie against the kitchen counter and kiss her.

"I missed you," she said.

"Missed you too, babe. I brought home our….okay, we need a term. They don't like partner, but they don't have alternatives."

"Datefriend is popular."

Because of course she'd read up on it. Hayden kissed her. "Joey! How do you feel about datefriend?"

"I can live with that."

The afternoon belonged to the kids though Hayden did corral them into the living room and get everyone distracted enough that Joey and Jackie had a full forty-five minutes on their own. He tried not to think about it, knowing they were likely mostly talking, but there was a little fantasizing about what his two beauties might get up to with some privacy.

That would be interesting down the line. Would they tell him if he asked or were their private moments their own?

Dinner was luxurious, one of Jackie's slow cooker specials that made the whole house smell good for hours. Hayden ran bedtime, and gave every one of his kids a good night forehead kiss, then another for good measure. They all seemed bigger somehow, like his brief time away had been permission to sprout.

When Hayden was reasonably sure that none of his offspring were going to roll back out of their beds and demand a last sip of water, a last hug, a last backrub, Hayden darted out to the living room. The TV was on, the volume turned so low it was nearly muted.

On the couch, Joey was on their usual cushion, the one at the corner of the sectional, but Jackie was next to them, head on their shoulder, her legs stretched out beside theirs.

In pure giddy appreciation, Hayden went over the back of the couch and slide in between Joey and the side. There wasn't really enough room and he almost sent all of them to the floor, before Jackie and Joey adjusted, swatting at him in mock anger.

Hayden won that round though because he wound up with Joey's hair tickling the underside of his chin and his arm mostly reaching around Jackie's shoulders.

It was all very cuddly and sweet for a bit, but Hayden had slept chastely with a lot of gorgeous muscle next to him and his wife was looking particularly hot in a tanktop with no bra. He could hardly be blamed for shifting enough to jar Joey into a good position for kissing.

Shirts were getting rucked up and fingers started journeying interesting places, when Jackie said,

"You never told us about the tattoo."

"Nooooo, babe," Hayden protested. "We all have to get naked before someone wakes up."

"You weren't kidding," Joey looked to Jackie with a grin. "Every time?"

"Every time," Jackie confirmed. "Tell us anyway, he's just being ridiculous and horny."

"Take me as I am," Hayden said unrepentantly. "But yeah, tell us."

"The whole line is 'The better heart of men shall see/shall feel celestially, as long/as you crave nothing save the song'."

As long as you crave nothing save the song. Hayden traced over the lettering again. The way Joey had said those words the first time had embedded them in Hayden's brain.

"But what's it mean?" Hayden asked.

"I don't know what the poet meant," Joey took of their shirt entirely so Hayden could keep going. Jackie kissed their shoulder, then rested her chin there, waiting. "But it was like hockey to me. And music a little. You can be close to perfect if you don't think about anything, but the goal."

"Do you believe that?" Jackie asked.

"Yeah," Joey said, finding her hand and lacing their fingers together. "But I don't think I want it anymore. I want to be imperfect. Living celestially only sounds good when you don't know all the fun messy human stuff you could be doing instead."

Hayden pressed his palm over the lark. "Want to go do some fun messy human stuff?"

"How bad do you want to suck my cock right now?" Joey gave him that shitty smirk. Hayden returned to sender. "Scale from 1-10?"

Jackie choked on a laugh. "I bet it's a nine."

"Are you kidding?" Joey asked her. "You haven't seen him the last few days. The man's eyes are glued to my crotch 24/7. It's a ten."

"I mean I was also going to eat out my wife, but if this is how I'm getting treated,I'll go jerk off in the shower," Hayden made to get up and was gratified that two sets of hands pulled him back down.

"How much, babe?" Jackie asked.

"You're both wrong," Hayden nuzzled into Jackie's neck, kissed the soft skin he found there. "It's an eleven. I'm so hard I could cut glass. If someone could sit on my face, I'd consider it a close, personal favor."

"Bedroom," Jackie ordered and all those hands turned to pushing instead of pulling.

The bedroom welcomed them in and Hayden locked the door behind them. He didn't rush. They had time now. Maybe one of the kids would wake up and they'd be interrupted, but there were other nights coming. Other days too.

Enough time that one day, Hayden could kiss Joey tenderly and let them try their best to make it feel good. Enough time to put words to the feeling already swelling up between them.

"Come to bed," Jackie reached out her hand to Joey and drew them down beside her. "Will you stay tonight? Did you bring anything?"

"I've got a bag in the car," Joey admitted. "Just in case."

"I'll get it after," Hayden said and kissed them with all the words he couldn't say yet on his tongue. "Stay."

Sucking cock the second time around was better than the first. The fear was mostly gone now and Hayden could relax into it. He got Joey to come too, proud of the way they lost control on his tongue. Swallowing was a little beyond Hayden, but there was time for that too. He could get there. Maybe he'd spend a very uncomfortable fifteen minutes asking Shane for advice. Or maybe it wouldn't be uncomfortable. Maybe they would laugh about it and it would be a new room in the house of their friendship.

Already glutted on his lovers' pleasure, it was pure indulgence for Hayden to tug Jackie down the bed and give her the kind of head that had her thighs pressed around his ears, muffling all her delicious noises. She dragged him up the hair and he fucked her with Joey watching, their hands learning the way of Jackie's body and pulling an orgasm out of her that brought Hayden over the edge.

It was amazing and hot. Even better was afterwards, everyone washed, Joey's bag retrieved and the covers pulled up over them. Everyone was exhausted, heavy-lidded and languidly touching. But instead of sleeping, a giddy sleepover air pervaded the room. Stories from their time apart were told, embroidered for humor.

It was late, but Hayden had never felt less tired than with his bed filled with Jackie's fantastic husky giggles underscored by Joey's deeper rolling laughter. He kissed the feathers of a lark's wing and held his wife's hand. The future rolled out before him, a rainbow of joy-filled potential. 

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