Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Hayden Pike

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Hayden Pike

Additional Tags:

Episode: s01e05 I'll Believe in Anything (Heated Rivalry), Shane Hollander is High on Pain Medication, Injury Recovery, Relationship Reveal, POV Hayden Pike, Sassy Shane Hollander, Hospitalization, Ilya Rozanov is a Menace, Shane Hollander & Hayden Pike Friendship, Protective Hayden Pike, Fluff, Canon Divergence, Fluff and Humor, Hayden Pike Finds Out About Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Fuck AI, Do not feed this work to AI, Established Relationship, Secret Relationship, POV Outsider

Language:

English

Series:

Part 1 of it's all fun and games

Collections:

RainyBugs_Hollanov_Yay!, *Heated rivalry melts my heart*, I need sunshine ☀️🏒 ~ Heated Rivalry (Game Changers) fics, LoonAYDoneRead

Stats:

Published: 2026-01-07 Completed: 2026-03-02 Words: 6,452 Chapters: 2/2

it's all fun and games until someone has been secretly gay this whole time

Summary

Hayden had never seen him like this before. The painkillers were making Shane…fun. He was funny, and kind of bitchy? All Hayden had to do was mention a player, any player in the league, and Shane had an absolutely devastating assessment locked and loaded. To hear Canada’s Golden Boy with perfect PR presence rip into everyone and everything…it was just too tempting to pass up.

OR

Hayden has some fun with Shane while he's high on pain meds. Shane starts being a little too honest and that's exactly when Ilya Rozanov decides to show some sportsmanship for the first time in his life. Hayden tries to run interference for his best friend and, man, what the hell did he walk into??

Notes

The response to this has been amazing and overwhelming! Thank you for all the love, all the kudos, and all the comments! I haven't had a chance to answer every comment but I'm reading them all and every single comment makes my day!

This was originally a one shot, but I couldn’t stop thinking about our boys so I added a second chapter which focuses on The Phone Call.

And then this version of Shane and Ilya took root in my brain and I wrote two more fics in this series. And there will be even more to come, because I am obsessed with these lovey, stupid hockey players!

Thank you all for supporting!

---

I've changed the rating to Mature as a friend pointed out to me that maybe receiving oral sex while on the phone with your friend is mature behavior which, yes, that's fair.

Chapter 1

Chapter Notes

Shane looked better. He had some color back in his face (other than the green and blue bruises blooming around his eyes) and he was more open and relaxed than ever. It sucked that he was concussed and fractured his collarbone, but Hayden was actually kind of loving this. 

Shane didn't really drink, never did drugs, and was just generally too anxious and in his head, like, all the time. Hayden had never seen him like this before. The painkillers were making Shane…fun. He was funny, and kind of bitchy? All Hayden had to do was mention a player, any player in the league, and Shane had an absolutely devastating assessment locked and loaded. To hear Canada’s Golden Boy with perfect PR presence rip into everyone and everything…it was just too tempting to pass up. Hayden even texted Jackie some of Shane’s best comments.

“Okay, how ‘bout Scott Hunter? He’s looking good for the cup this year.” Hayden smiled, waiting for the rant.

“Hunter? First, hot.”

Hayden tried to hold back his smirk. Shane hadn't just stopped at player's hockey skills, he'd torn into everyone’s looks too. One or two guys he’d label as ‘hot’ and go straight to demolishing their gameplay. Kind of odd, but he was happy to see Shane loose enough to joke around.

“But Scott Hunter, he-he’s like one of those fucking dogs, okay? Like he was limping and blind and sick and dying, so you made the appointment to put him to sleep, but suddenly he’s running around like a puppy for a day or two.”

Hayden laughed. It was so weird to hear that kind of thing from Shane Hollander of all people. Two days ago he’d told the press Hunter’s ability to turn the season around was an inspiration.

“So, yeah, Hunter’s looking good right now, and with me down he might get the cup, but it’s just the dump of endorphins and adrenaline you get right before you die, okay?”

“Damn, dude!” Hayden texted Jackie.

Jackie 

Hayden: Said Hunter’s winning streak is like a dog finding strength right before you put him down
Hayden: But at least he’s hot, haha

“Ryan Price?”

“Beast. Absolute beast. Fucking…ginger abominable snowman. Swear to God, Haydes, I almost shit myself the first time he came at me on the ice. Stick handling is shit, can’t do anything out there but fuck people up. He’s just a hammer but I guess a sledgehammer is a sledgehammer, you know?”

“Got it, sucks at hockey but too big and brutal to matter.”

“And you KNOW he’s gotta have a huuuuuge dick. I mean, thing must be massive. Not my type, though, too dumb. Probably he’s dumb as shit cuz there’s too much blood in his dick ‘stead of his brain. Nice consolation prize, I guess.”

Hayden burst out laughing again. Shane was nuts on these painkillers. “Okay, sure. Big guy, big dick, can be happy about that since he can’t be happy about hockey, so really not your type, got it.” 

“At all, not my type AT ALL, dude.” 

“Okay, what about Rozanov?” Hayden asked. “I mean I know he’s an asshole, but what about his gameplay?”

And weirdly, Shane got a dopey, sappy look in his eyes. “No, man, he’s fucking perfect. Plays like he was made for it. He’s fast and precise and powerful out there. I mean, you? You’re fast enough and you’re okay with your stick but, really, you make up for it with heart. You go hard out there because you have to, because you can’t do it on skill alone.”

“Okay, ouch? Not sure why I’m catching strays.”

“Sorry, but you know it’s true. You’re all heart, Haydes. That’s a good thing. Great thing, really. But Ilya?”

“Oh, he’s Ilya now?”

“He’s so fucking good. He doesn’t need that extra, grit, or whatever. He just belongs out there. He doesn’t gotta will it so much.”

“Yeah, but he’s only got one cup to your two,” Hayden offered. “So, you’re still beating him.”

“Mmm, but he did it first. I can get there, I can be as good as he is at anything, I fucking know I can, but I’m just catching up half the time, you know? And, God, I love it. Cuz he’s fucking fun.”

Hayden blinked a few times. “Fun? Ilya Rozanov? Asshole, dirty player, womanizer, sports-car-cliche Russian guy. That Ilya Rozanov? He’s fun?”

And Hayden would swear, Shane blushed. 

“Dunno.” Shane shrugged. “Maybe it’s just with me. But when he slams me into the boards, or when he steals the puck from me? When he trips me up or beats me down the line, Christ, I can feel it buzzing through my body. He knows my play and he can match my skills. Like, no one else is even close. And it’s not enough that he’s that fucking good, he’s enjoying it more than me, man. I’m still chasing that.”

It took a second for him to compute that one. “You…you’re telling me that you’re so competitive with Rozanov, that you’re mad he enjoys your rivalry more than you do?” Hayden knew Shane was competitive, he knew Rozanov set Shane off like no one else, but that was just ridiculous. Shane might be too focused on this.

“Yeah. And it’s…shit, man, it’s hot as hell. But, I mean, obviously. Everything he does is fucking hot.” 

Okay, game over. Shane had been talking about other players, about their look or their bodies…and Hayden thought it was just ribbing. But this? This was obviously something else. Shane was clearly attracted to Rozanov. And it wasn’t fair for Hayden to press. If Shane was gay, or had something like that to tell Hayden, then he could do it when he wasn’t high out of mind on painkillers. 

Hayden wasn’t going to prod at this. He changed the subject. “So what are you gonna do for the summer? Jackie’s due in like a week, so we’re gonna be kinda locked down. The kids would love to see you around, though. We could do some dinners or cookouts or whatever?”

“And another thing!” Shane yelled, totally ignoring the change in subject. “Why the fuck does Ilya have to slick his hair back like that, now? Like, hello?? I thought the curls were bad enough, but the slicked back look? It's lethal, dude, fucking lethal.”

Cool, so not only was Shane probably gay it seemed like he had a huge crush (hate crush?) on Ilya fucking Rozanov. Yeah...they were gonna talk about that one later.

“Look, buddy, I think you need some rest, alright? I love you, me and Jackie, we love you and if there’s anything you wanna talk about when you’re not doped to hell, that’ll be great. But I really gotta get home soon, Jackie’s very pregnant.” 

“Wish Ilya could get me pregnant,” Shane muttered. 

Hayden covered his mouth to stifle something between a gasp and laugh. “Your dose is way too high, man. I'm gonna talk to the nurse.” 

Hayden clapped Shane's arm and stepped out of the room. He took a second to collect himself then sent a quick text to Jackie. 

Jackie 

Hayden: Shane is high as shit on the painkillers and I think he just outed himself?? 

Jackie: Outed? Like, he told you he’s gay??

Hayden: Maybe? I don’t know! He keeps talking about how hot Rozanov is…like, on a weirdly deep level
Hayden: I’m not going to press him when he’s high like this

Jackie: Wow..I guess that’s why he never wanted to be set up…
Jackie: Just be supportive! Let him get some rest, talk to him later, and don’t fucking tell anyone!! He kept it secret for a reason
Jackie: Also, ask him what was Rose Landry about, then??

Hayden: Not asking that. You can if/when he tells on his own
Hayden: Love you! Gonna get him settled and be home soon

Jackie: Ugh, fine. Give him my love, see you soon
Jackie: Bring me an egg sandwich. Everything bagel, turkey bacon 😘 

 

Hayden laughed and stuffed his phone in his pocket. He made his way to the nurse’s station. One of the nurses looked up at him.

“Hi, um, I’m heading out soon but Shane seems pretty loopy. Is that, is he okay or like…?”

“He’s on a hefty dose of painkillers, so it’s not unusual for him to be a little disoriented or uninhibited. Anything concerning? Complaining of itching, shortness of breath, anxiety?”

“No, no, nothing like that, just I dunno. I don’t wanna leave him if he’s so out of it,” Hayden said with a shrug.

“Well it’s normal. He does need to rest, though.”

“Okay, thanks.” But Hayden wasn’t looking at the nurse anymore, because Ilya fucking Rozanov just came off the elevator.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! 

It wasn’t unusual for a team captain to visit if someone got hurt during a game. It was a good show of sportsmanship, actually. Hayden wouldn’t have expected it from Rozanov but he could appreciate that probably at least some of his asshole demeanor was just an act. Some of it. The issue was Hayden’s best friend was apparently (maybe?) gay. At the very least he was currently high off his ass muttering about wanting Ilya Rozanov, resident asshole of the league, to get him pregnant. Hayden wasn’t gonna let Shane talk to Rozanov like that. He moved to block the space in front of Shane’s room.

“Rozanov!” he called out as Rozanov looked around for the right room. 

Rozanov looked up, a bit startled. For a second he looked nervous, concerned, pretty different from his usually cocky self. Then he caught a glimpse of Hayden and his trademark smirk was in place.  

“Ahh, Hayden Pike. You hurt your wrist during the fight with Marleau. You get cast for it?” Rozanov came up to Hayden and actually grabbed his hand as if to examine the injury. Not that there was an injury. Hayden knew how to throw a punch, for fuck’s sake.

“Fuck off,” Hayden said, with more venom than was really needed. “My hand is fine and Marleau is a piece of shit.”

Rozanov grimaced. “He feels terrible. He did not mean to hurt Hollander. It was a clean hit, just…unlucky. But Hollander is okay, yes?”

“Define ‘okay.’” Hayden heard the edge in his own voice. He wasn’t sure why. Here was Rozanov, trying to be nice, trying to show some sportsmanship, and Hayden was going to have to chase him out of here so that Shane didn’t say something like Everything Rozanov does is fucking hot. 

“They told us he has a concussion and broken clavicle?”

“Well, I don’t call that okay.”

“No, it is horrible, I agree. But I am glad it was no worse. Marleau, too. You’re leaving now? I will go see Hollander.”

“Uh, no, no you won’t. You’re an asshole. All you’ve ever done is rile him up. Shane needs rest.”

For some reason, Rozanov smirked at that too. What an asshole.

“You are his mother now, yes? Tuck him in to bed? Not let big scary Russian bother him?”

“Rozanov, fuck off!” Hayden was probably being a little too loud. One of the nurses shot him a look. He tried to lower his voice a bit. “Shane is injured. He’s concussed, he’s high off his ass on painkillers, and you do not need to be here. I’ll tell him you stopped by. Hell, I’ll even lie and tell him you were nice. Now go!”

“Illllllya?” Shane’s voice, kind and sing-songy, came booming out from the hospital room. Hayden had left he door cracked open. 

Rozanov’s face went blank for a second, then he moved around Hayden and pushed the door open. Hayden was half a step behind him. Fuck! What the fuck was he supposed to do? Should he physically push Rozanov out? Should he be ready to shout down whatever Shane said? Fuck!

Hayden looked at Rozanov, and he looked…devastated. Small, sad, scared. It was weird.

“I, um, I just wanted to…” Rozanov looked at Shane and swallowed a few times. He nodded his head like he was steeling himself. “Are you okay?”

Fucking weird. Why was everyone being so fucking weird?

Shane smiled in a way Hayden had never seen before. It was gentle and unguarded and silly, even. “Concussion and a fractured collarbone. Out for the playoffs, but…” Shane actually ogled Rozanov. He basically had cartoon heart-eyes. It was insane! How had Hayden never noticed before? Did he always look at Rozanov like that? Or was it just the drugs?

“Could have been worse.” Rozanov finished for Shane.

“Could have been worse.” Shane agreed. “But it’s part of the game. We all get our bell rung eventually, right?”

“Right.” Rozanov nodded and Hayden could have sworn the guy went pale. He almost looked like he was shaking.

“Hey, hey!” Shane reached out for Rozanov.

“Okay, okay, maybe you should go, so Shane can rest?” Hayden said. 

“No, hey, come here, come here!” Shane insisted and fucking Rozanov moved to his side. He took Shane’s hand for a second and placed it back on the bed.

“Shh,” Rozanov whispered. 

What the fuck was going on?!

“No, it’s fine, Ilya! Hayden’s fine. He’s like, married with a bunch of kids. His wife keeps gingerale for me! He doesn’t care. He spent the last hour playing hot or not with me about every guy in the league. He doesn’t care. It’s okay.” 

Shane reached his hand up for Rozanov’s face. “I’m sorry I didn’t text you last night,” Shane whispered.

And Rozanov...took Shane’s hand. Pulled it across gently his own cheek. Sighed into it.

Oh, Hayden thought. Well, then.

“Ummm, I’m gonna just–” Hayden pointed toward the door. Rozanov gave him a half-nod, half-frown and Hayden backed out of the room.

Well…that was…something.

Hayden stood by the door. 

He didn’t know what Shane was saying, or what Rozanov was doing, or what the fuck was happening, but he wasn’t gonna let some doctor or nurse walk in on them talking or flirting or whatever. After a few minutes the nurse made her way over toward the door and Hayden gave a quick knock to announce her arrival. He stepped into the room a few seconds before she did.

Rozanov dropped Shane’s hand.

“Oh good, Mr. Pike, you’re making sure Mr. Rozanov here doesn’t smother our star center with a pillow, right?” the nurse asked.

“Oh,” Rozanov gave an empty laugh, “no, no. Good thinking, but no, I was just leaving.”

“Uh, yeah, me too,” Hayden added, “I’m gonna head out, Shane.”

“Yeah, okay, sure. And you'll think about it?” Shane asked, looking at Rozanov.

“Goodbye, Hollander. Get well soon.”

“Yeah, bye-bye!” Shane sounded downright chipper. Then he cleared his throat and said a much lower register, “See you next season.” 

It was an awkward walk to the elevator. Neither Hayden nor Rozanov said anything. It was awkward getting into the elevator. Neither of them said anything then, either. Hayden was a shorter guy for hockey. He was used to guys towering over him on the ice but, like Shane had so indelicately put it, what Hayden lacked in physicality he made up for with heart. He turned to face Rozanov. 

“Is this like, real? This thing between you two, or are you just fucking with him?”

Rozanov didn’t answer right away, but his lips pulled tight and his throat worked a little. Hayden wasn’t the smartest or most observant guy in the world, but he thought he knew what that meant. 

“I'm not fucking with him, okay? It is complicated, yes, but I never want to see him get hurt. Not from hockey, not from what we have.”

Hayden turned back around and faced the elevator doors. It wasn’t his place. He wasn’t going to push it any more. He still didn’t like Rozanov. He had no idea what the fuck happened between the two of them to make this thing happen. But Shane was his best friend. And his teammate, and his captain. So, he had Shane’s back and would at least try to trust his judgement.

“I won’t tell anyone,” Hayden said as the elevator doors opened.

“Obviously.” 

Rozanov was such an asshole. Hayden was trying to show support, be nice, and Rozanov couldn’t even pretend to show gratitude. 

“But if you do something, if you throw this in his face, or fuck with his head over this, I swear to God, Rozanov…” Hayden probably should have thought of something to say, because he just sort of trailed off.

Rozanov lit up. For the first time today he looked like the menace Hayden was used to seeing on the ice. “Ahh, so this is why Montreal keeps you on their roster! You are easily worst player on the team and you don’t think through what you are trying to do or say, but you have loyalty. And that is something, at least!”

Hayden glared. Fuck this guy.

“Good luck in the playoffs, you will die out there without Shane.” Rozanov slipped on his sunglasses and walked off without so much as looking back at Hayden.

Shane. He called him Shane. Hayden shook his head. It was…a lot. He figured he’d give Shane three or four days before he brought it up, but he would absolutely be bringing it up. 

Why did Shane have to have something going with that fucking guy??

His phone buzzed in his pocket.

Jackie 

Jackie: Where’s my egg sandwich? And anything else from Shane?

Hayden: Babe…I don’t even know where to begin

Jackie: ????

Chapter End Notes

FOR THE RECORD: I love, love, love Ryan Price!! Shane just doesn't know him yet and is high and having fun being a mean girl. Please don't take the Ryan Price slander to heart!

--

Jackie, later, while eating her egg sandwich: So, you didn't realize he was playing smash or pass?

Hayden: I just thought he was like, being funny

Jackie: It didn't tip you off when he was calling guys hot?

Hayden: He called like two guys hot! Mostly he called them busted, butt-face, hamster-face, ugly, fucking ugly, fugly, straight-up unsightly, a face only a mother could love, a face even a mother couldn't love, a face that thinks its an ear, a plastic surgeon's before picture, and "like God microwaved his face"

*Jackie furiously texting Shane to ask what he thinks about Hayden*

---

Since a few people asked what Shane would text to Jackie:

 

Jackie: Shane, baby, you still on pain meds?

Shane: 😊

Jackie: Soooo, in this hot-or-not game of looks and skill, where's Hayden stand?

Shane: He's cute, wouldn't kick him out of bed
Shane: Solid hands, decent speed, good stick skills, but he's got HEART. Enough to be on my line, so fucking ELITE
Shane: Hottest he's ever been is that time he stole the puck from Scott Hunter and scored on a breakaway
Shane: Face-wise he's easily mistaken for any guy named Sean or Eric or Greyson
Shane: Not saying he's NOT cute, just cookie-cutter

Jackie: I fucking love you

Shane: he'd be hotter as a redhead, or like, with some facial piercings
Shane: he ever go through a punk phase with a little mohawk, or something?
Shane: just something to jazz him up
Shane: idk, though, that's all you

Jackie: 🥵 🥵 🥵

Chapter 2

Chapter Summary

Hayden lets a little time go by, but he figures he's got to check in with Shane and make sure he's doing okay. It's pretty traumatic to out yourself by mistake, right? That's probably why he's all weird and panicky on this phone call, right?

Chapter Notes

I was so completely blown away by the response to "it's all fun and games" that I just had to write a follow up chapter. So, here we get The Phone Call.

After that I was feeling inspired and I wrote some additional works to follow this one. There's more Hayden fuckery and even some Cliff POVs. Next two fics are posted and there will (someday, eventually) be more.
 

As always, any and all (polite and respectful) feedback is most welcome!

Hayden reread his text for the fiftieth time. 

Shane

Hayden: Hey Shane, I know you can’t be on screens so keeping it short: I love you, Jackie loves you. You’re my best friend and nothing could change that. Sorry all that stuff came up when you were on painkillers, but I’m glad to know. Whenever you want to talk some more, I’m here. Now rest up! Your newest niece is gonna be here soon and she’ll want a fully recovered Uncle Shane! Love you, man!!

It was good, he thought. He hit send.

Hayden did research. Like, a lot of research. More than he’d ever done on anything, actually. He wanted to know what to do when your friend accidentally outs themselves because they’re high. And also, what to do when you accidentally catch your closeted best friend and his secret fuckbuddy holding hands. And also, what to do if that secret fuckbuddy is your best friend’s very public rival. And there were a lot of stories out there about the first two things. Fewer examples for that last part, except for some Tumblr posts that took Hayden a little too long to figure out were actually smutty little short stories.

But despite the accidental foray into pornography, the Reddit, Tumblr, and blog posts had helped Hayden. He spent hours and hours reading through stories people shared about how they were outed and what they wished happened after. Some people drunkenly slipped up and admitted something, and then felt relieved it was over. Some people said it killed something inside them that they didn’t get to choose how they told their friends and family. A lot of people who were caught in the act were really embarrassed that their relationship status got revealed before they got a chance to talk about being gay.

It was good to get some insight but it all really made Hayden feel like shit. He needed to make sure that Shane was okay. Because the thing about Shane is that he was almost impossible to read. Yeah, he could be a little awkward, a little stiff, a little off-beat socially, but everyone who knew him knew it was just because most of his brain was wired to be one of the greatest athletes of all time. Hayden didn’t think Shane had an over abundance of emotional intelligence, and he was worried that Shane was going to spiral about coming out by accident.

It sucked that it came out when he didn’t mean for it to. Maybe if Hayden had picked up on the fact that Shane was being genuine for the hour he spent talking about who was hot and who was “fugly” in the league, then maybe the conversation could have felt, like, intentional. Instead Hayden just laughed it off for an hour, was shocked when Shane talked about how hot Rozanov was, and then almost died when he realized they were, like, a thing. 

Hayden could have handled the gay conversation. He totally could have. He wasn’t a bigot, he didn’t give a shit about that. But it was objectively insane that Rozanov and Shane were something to each other. Fuckbuddies? Enemies with benefits? Boyfriends? 

Gross.   

It made his skin crawl. Rozanov was an asshole. And, like, a complete manwhore. He wasn’t even gay. Hayden knew that, everyone who remotely followed hockey knew that. Rozanov was famously a womanizer, a playboy, a straight-up slut. That was a fact.

But Rozanov had also been so soft with Shane at the hospital, it sort of threw Hayden off. He looked small and scared when he saw Shane in the bed, and he was so tender with him when they held hands. Plus Rozanov seemed to mean it when he told Hayden he wasn’t messing with Shane. 

So after three days of some of the hardest thinking Hayden had done in his entire life (he never really understood when people said they got headaches from thinking, but damn, turns out it was actually a thing!), he settled comfortably on a theory. His theory was that Rozanov was a sex-addicted pervert who sniffed out and seduced the hot, closeted, and horny Shane Hollander. And at some point they’d developed some level of friendship. Or what passed for friendship for Rozanov, anyway. It was all borne of a shared secret, a famous rivalry, and pent up sexual energy. And gay, or bi, or whatever, Hayden could admit that Rozanov probably fucked like a machine. So, yeah, he sort of got it.

But it was a fucked up relationship and Hayden really didn’t want Shane to settle for something like that. Something that was like, Pavlovan, or whatever. Shane associated Rozanov with great hockey and good sex, and somewhere along the way that became a weird feedback loop. No wonder they fell into whatever it was they had.

Hayden’s phone buzzed.

Shane

Shane: thanks, man. I was gonna call but just need some time. especially since i’m trapped here with my parents
Shane: we’ll talk about it, I swear. love you, love jacks!! keep me updated on my new niece!

Hayden smiled. 

The Metros got knocked out of the playoffs without Shane and, as much as it stung, the timing sort of worked out. An early end to the season, a few days as a father of three, and then Hayden was hit with the rush of endorphins you get from holding your newborn child, and the aching, bone-deep exhaustion that follows. 

Shane sent flowers to Jackie. He sent toys for the kids. He did a few quick calls over the first week after Amber was born, but it was just short conversations. About Shane’s concussion, his shoulder, Jackie’s recovery, the new baby. Nothing about sex, or sexuality, or Ilya fucking Rozanov. 

And then Scott Hunter kissed his boyfriend in front of millions of people and Hayden figured Shane must be feeling a lot of something. He wasn’t sure what though. Relief? Fear? Jealousy? Pride? Hayden called and texted, but Shane hadn’t answered. Not for days. Just when Hayden was ready to drive out to Mr. and Mrs. Hollander’s cottage to make sure he was okay, Shane finally texted back. 

Shane

Shane: i’m good! promise, we can talk soon. enjoy time with Amber! 

So, the days kept moving. 

After a few weeks, Hayden and Jackie were in a rhythm with Amber and the other kids, and the new nanny was settling in. Hayden finally felt like he could breathe again. 

One afternoon Aurthur and the twins were at the park, Jackie and Amber were napping, and  Hayden had five fucking minutes to himself. And all he could think was that Shane was all alone at his summer cottage, probably going through a gay-crisis. 

It was time to clear the air. 

Hayden laid back on the couch. Okay. This was normal. He could call up his best friend and have a short conversation. It was good. Healthy. Shane was a quiet guy when it came to anything other than being a fucking beast on the ice. Hayden would just give it a little push. 

It rang once. Twice. Three times. Fuck, Shane was gonna blow him off again.

“Hey buddy, how’s–” Shane’s voice came through, bright and even.

“Shane! Thank fuck! I was starting to get worried!”

Shane laughed a little. “Yeah, I know, I’m so sorry.”

“No, no, don’t sweat it. I know it’s a lot, and we’ve had our hands full too, so no worries.” Okay, normal. That was normal. Hayden could do this. Light and breezy.

“Yeah, how is Amber? And how’s Jackie doing? The pics are so cute, by the way.”

“Amber’s so good! She’s a better sleeper than the others were. And Jackie’s really got the hang of breastfeeding this time, so it’s good, it’s not as much of a struggle, not as much bleeding or inflammation, you know?”

There was a beat. It was awkward. Why did Hayden just talk about his wife’s breasts to his gay friend? He would have said that anyway, right? Probably?

“That’s great, I remember it was tough for her before.”

Shane already sounded distracted. He hated small talk. Probably especially hated small talk about breasts. And Shane was direct, too. He didn’t like when you were supposed to tip-toe around a conversation. So Hayden decided to just bite the bullet and go for it. 

“So, uh, can we talk? I mean, you know, about the whole you accidentally coming out to me and then Ilya Rozanov showed up and you guys are, like, whatever you are?”

“Uhhh…” Shane sounded like his brain was a million miles away. Not a great sign. 

Hayden pushed ahead anyway. “It’s cool if you don’t wanna talk about it, I mean, I said I’d give you space and I will. But I wanna make sure that, like, you’re okay, you know? I haven’t even seen you since the hospital and I know you can kinda get in your own head about stuff.”

“Uh, yeah, sorry, it’s just my mom’s on the other line. Let me get rid of her, hang on.”

“Oh yeah, of course.” 

Hayden waited while Shane was on the other line. Allegedly. Probably he was taking a minute to do some breathing and ground himself, or whatever yoga meditation stuff it was he did. Hayden could practically feel Shane’s elevated heart rate from here. He didn’t want to, like, ambush the guy. But he had to put him on the spot at least a little bit. Shane would almost certainly never initiate this conversation again, and Hayden had to make sure he wasn’t spiraling. 

“Uh, so sorry,” Shane said into the line again. “My mom can be so annoying sometimes.” He spat out the word like it was an accusation. Weird, but okay. Maybe Shane thought Hayden was being annoying by trying to force this conversation? 

Hayden forced himself to relax a little and called up all the little imagined half-speeches he’d been thinking about for the last few weeks. “I don’t wanna, like, spring this on you, man, but I sorta read around online, from people who, like, came out by accident and it seems really shitty. So we can talk as much or as little as you want, but I just need you to know that we’re good, okay? And I’m here for you. And I wanna make sure you’re okay and not like, holed up in your Fortress of Solitude, spiraling or whatever.”

“No, I get that. And it’s okay, I promise, I’m fine, I’m not like, freaking out or whatever. I just sort of figured later in the summer I’d have you and Jackie over for dinner or something. You know, once she’s ready to get a break.”

“Oh yeah,” Hayden jumped on that. “Dinner would be great, I’m sure Jackie would love to get out of the house. Lately she’s been trying to do like, little errands and stuff you know? And I’m trying to spend more time with Amber since I missed this part with the others. They were all born mid-season, you know?” 

“Yeah, totally.”

Still sort of nervous about pushing Shane with the gay topic, he swam to safer waters and spent a few minutes telling Shane about the disastrous attempt to give Amber a bath in the sink of his mom’s kitchen. He didn’t think Shane was really listening. Okay, time to bring it back around.

“Ugh, sorry, I know I can ramble about the kids…but yeah, I just wanted to say again that like, yes I talked to Jackie about it, but neither of us would ever tell anyone else. Not about you, and definitely not about Rozanov.”

“Ummm, oh! Fuck, uh…” Shane sounded winded. And distracted. He was almost panting. 

Shit, is Shane having a panic attack? Fuck! Hayden hadn’t meant to trigger something like that.

“Hey, you okay?” Hayden sat up, listening hard. Shane’s breathing was way off. Too fast, too hard, voice sort of high and tight.

“Yeah, no-no-no, I’m good. I’m good.” Shane laughed, breathy and quick. “Fuck, it’s, yeah, it’s good.” 

What the fuck? Shane didn’t sound good. He was short-circuiting or something. Hayden might have to actually drive out there and make sure he was okay.

“Okay,” Hayden said, trying to bring the conversation down a bit. “Well I’m pretty sure you know this but me and Jackie love you. It doesn’t matter to us at all. I mean, it matters because you matter and we care about you, but being gay doesn’t change that or anything.”

“No, right,” Shane breathed out. “Right, right.” 

This was fucking painful. Shane sounded wild. Like he was just trying to say words and wasn’t even really taking in what Hayden was saying. Like he couldn’t, he was too overwhelmed or something.

Hayden thought back to the hot-or-not game he’d unknowingly played with Shane for an hour and let out a deep laugh. “Man, I can’t believe how oblivious I am, by the way. Like, how did I not pick up on the fact you were actually ranking how hot other players are?”

“Wh-what? Uh, oh, yeah…”

“And yeah, I know you called most of them ugly but I was thinking about it and I totally get your point about Scott Hunter. He is pretty hot.”

Shane let out a weird strangled gasp. There was a shuffling sound like maybe he dropped the phone. “Hang on!” Shane shouted, weird and panicked. 

Hayden was back on hold again. What the fuck? Shane must be freaking the hell out. Okay, don’t talk to him about hot players. Freaks him out. Check. 

“Hey,” Shane’s voice was kind of high-pitched and whiny. He kind of sounded like he was gasping again. “Sorry, had a um, Amazon package.”

Shane for sure was having a full-blown panic attack. Hayden knew that because it kinda sounded like Shane was having sex, and the few times that Hayden’s college girlfriend had panic attacks she had sort of panted and whimpered like that. And Hayden wasn't insane, he was a psychopath, he'd sat with her and soothed her and got her water, and never admitted to anyone, even a priest, that he'd later jerked off thinking about those little noises (he was sure he was going to hell for that one). So, yes. Shane was having a panic attack right now and Hayden needed to stay on the line and talk him through it.

Hayden would talk about hockey instead. Something to ground him again. “Right, no worries. Hey! Did you see that kid out of Sweden? Got picked up by San Jose?”

“Oh, uh, hah, oh yeah. Kid’s got hands on him, fuck!” Okay that was a moan. And there was definitely a slapping sound. 

Was Shane hitting himself?  Hayden’s toddlers did that sometimes during a tantrum or meltdown, it was actually a thing to self-soothe. Did Hayden push Shane so far into a panic attack he was slapping himself to feel grounded?  

“Look, man, I’m so sorry,” Hayden said. “I obviously upset you with this call–”

“Uh, no, it’s just…fuck, Ilya!” Shane shouted the last two words. Like he couldn't hold them back.

“I know, yeah, it’s the Rozanov of it all,” Hayden agreed. “I don’t want you to freak out, okay? I love you. And I mean, obviously I don’t like him, but Rozanov is insane on the ice, and he’s a good looking guy. I’m sure it’s been, you know, nice or whatever, to have, like, a way to release some steam with him, so I get it.”

There was a burst of laughter that didn’t sound anything like Shane’s normal laugh. It legitimately sounded like a different person. But if Shane was laughing he wasn’t passed out from a panic attack, so Hayden would take it.

Hayden laughed too. “Okay, fine, maybe I don’t get it. I mean, like, if I squint and look at it sideways I can sort of understand, but I do think he’s an asshole. And if I’m being totally honest he kinda seems like a perv. Which, not to judge, maybe that’s fun or whatever, but cards on the table I think you can do a lot better than some sex-crazed—”

Shane was laughing now, real, belly laughter. And it sounded like Shane again. He was breathing heavy and rough and Hayden couldn’t help it, he started laughing too. It was good, like it broke the tension. Shane was still breathing heavily but he sounded much more relaxed now.

“So, you’re okay, man? And we’re okay?” Hayden asked.

“Yeah, Hayds, we’re good, I swear.” Shane’s voice was warm, level. He was over his little freak out. Hayden wasn’t sure how they landed here, but it was good. It was progress.

“Okay, good. And I’ll keep my opinions on Ilya “the Russian sex machine” Rozanov to myself for now, but—”

“Oh no, Pike, please do continue.” The decidedly not-Shane, accented voice purred into the phone. 

Hayden’s brain went offline for a few seconds.

He looked at the phone in his hand. It was still connected on a call to Shane. He blinked. He was awake, this wasn’t one of the weird dreams he’d been having from lack of sleep, he didn’t think. No, this was real. This was really, real life and that was really Ilya fucking Rozanov speaking to him.

“Rozanov?” Hayden finally asked.

“Mmm, yes. But I’m liking this ‘Russian sex machine’ name, it’s good, I think. What do you think, Shane? Can Pike call me that, or just a name for you to use?”

“Asshole, give me back my phone–” Shane’s voice in the background.

Hayden’s brain quickly replayed the conversation and his jaw fell open. Because he was pretty sure that those whines and breathy noises from Shane hadn’t been a fucking panic attack.

“Shane, what the fuck!? I thought you were having a panic attack!” 

“Mmm, no.” Rozanov again. 

“Asshole!” Shane again.

“But thank you for calling, Pike, we’re very happy you are okay with Shane being gay, less happy that you’re interested in my sex skills but it’s only natural to be curious, I suppose. Now, please fuck off and don’t make contact for another week or two.”

“Sorry, Hayds, I’ll call you later!” Shane shouted in the background.

“That was a fucking sex crime, you degenerates!” But the call was over. Hayden kept staring at the phone. 

Did that really just fucking happen!? 

When he looked up Jackie was standing in the doorway just watching him. “Swear jar. What was that about a sex crime?” 

“We need like, a plan or something to free Shane from his clutches because Rozanov is straight-up debasing him. He just…he just–” Hayden gestured wildly at the phone, unable to make himself say the words. “While I was talking to Shane!”

Jackie laughed. “Babe, I remember you slipping my panties off when I was on the phone with my sister during our honeymoon. Don’t take it personally.” She walked over and kissed Hayden gently on the forehead. “They probably never get time alone, they’re trying to enjoy it, just forget it.”

“I would do anything to forget that. For the love of God if there is a pill I can take, I will take it.”

“Dramatic,” Jackie said as she sat next to him.

“I can’t believe that just fucking happened.”

“Swear jar.” She pressed her body against him. “I mean, it’s not like a terrible thing, right? At the very least you know he’s comfortable with you knowing he’s gay and having a thing with Rozanov. Isn’t that why you called him to begin with?”

“No, Jackie, no. Please don’t bright-side the fact that Rozanov just made me listen to my best friend and captain get off, okay? If it weren’t for you and the kids I would fucking kill myself right now.” 

Jackie laughed and pushed into him again. “I think it’s karma.”

“Karma?” Hayden asked.

“Yes. For years you pressed Shane on his ‘Boston girl.’ You tried to set him up with my friends, teased him about his sex life. And now…”

“Oh God, it wasn’t karma, it was Rozanov getting vengeance.” Hayden’s face sunk into his hands. “I just need to pretend like it never happened. Please, never, ever bring this up again, okay?”

“Oh, no, I’m gonna tease you about this before and after every Boston game.”

“Fuck,” Hayden said, because he was suddenly very sure that Rozanov would too. “He’s gonna be a thousand times worse on the ice.”

Jackie turned on the TV. “Focus on the bright side, babe.”

The bright side? Shane was okay. He wasn’t freaking out about Hayden knowing he was gay. He wasn’t freaking out about Hayden knowing about Rozanov. These were objectively good things. Great things, even. The flip side? Hayden would have to look at Rozanov’s smug face during games and know, know, that he was apparently as skilled at giving head as he was at hockey.

Fuck, it was going to be a long season. 

Chapter End Notes

Shane: *panic mutes the phone*

Hayden: Oh boy Shane's awfully embarrassed to talk about how Scott Hunter is actually kind of hot

Ilya: Scott Hunter? Fucking Scott Hunter? You told PIKE that Scott Hunter, LIVING DINOSAUR is HOT?!?!

Shave Shhh, Hayden will hear you!

Hayden: I am handling this panic attack really well, actually