Rating:

Explicit

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Harris Drover, Yuna Hollander, David Hollander, Rose Landry

Additional Tags:

Various Centaur's featured, Anxiety, Shane Hollander gets to be a bitch, as a treat, Slow Burn but Fast Feelings, Shane Hollander POV, Canon Divergence, hockey typical homophobia, Forced Outing, Can someone please throw Shane Hollander around

Language:

English

Series:

Part 2 of don't swallow the cap

Stats:

Published: 2026-09-10 Updated: 2026-10-21 Words: 6,573 Chapters: 4/?

not another (hockey)star

Summary

Shane Hollander quit hockey after the prospect cup but before the draft.

Somehow, he and Ilya Rozanov end up in Ottawa anyway.

Notes

The fic title is from Not Another Rockstar by Maisie Peters which is Shane's theme song when Ilya Rozanov rocks up in his life after he has definitely not thought about him one single time since that one day they happened to meet outside the prospect cup.

Chapter title from that as well :)

Anyway, I know we're hesitant to start fics that are 1/? BUT LISTEN. I am taking creative liberties with this fic and I want to make sure I'm respectful to Shane's freak flag.

This is a true true true prologue in that it's very short and sweet and crazy. I promise you guys that this is something I'm actively working on, but I'm also working on something else that I hope is something you can all read sometime soon. Updates will likely not be weekly like the first fic, but hopefully you guys trust me.

Thank you all for all your love on the first fic. This is the first thing I've ever written that got that kind of attention and wow, some of y'all are so so cool. Love ya. Mean it.

Chapter 1: prologue - oh goddamn, not another rockstar

Shane went to therapy for the first time under duress. Yuna had cried - something she so very rarely does, Shane can count on one hand the number of times he's seen it - and Shane had caved and sat through four absolutely horrible sessions with an old man named Anderson.

Anderson was probably a really good therapist for some people, but not for Shane. He spent every minute of those four sessions trying to tell Shane that his way of breaking things down was harmful. That wasn't a secret to Shane. He blew up his whole goddamn life because his brain was harming him. Shane didn't need to be told he was wrong. He needed help…managing.

He kept going back because Yuna cried and Shane knew he needed to scrape his life back together into something real because as attractive as some people would find Rose's offer of marriage to be, Shane knew they could both do better.

Anderson was horrible, but Shane went back four weeks in a row until he ended up crying in the car to Yuna - something he so rarely did, Shane could count on one hand the number of times he did that - and that was the end of Anderson.

Rose found Laurie.

Shane only saw her because Rose cried and it's good she did because within the first session, Laurie assured him that if he needed to break things down into before and event and after an event in order to deal with moving forward, that was okay. There was nothing wrong with that way of thinking - even if it can come off a little rigid.

It did help him deal and Laurie helped him deal with the rest and Shane went on dividing his life into before and afters.

Some of those before and afters are bigger than others.

Before the video. After the video.

Before Laurie. After Laurie.

Before university. After university.

Before going back to hockey. After going back to hockey.

Shane struggles with transitions sometimes and it helps him view the entire situation and pivot. Laurie gave him an affirmation once: It has happened. I will be different from now on. How I react to this situation is what I can control.

Shane thinks probably Laurie would be disappointed in how he's reacting to the biggest, most complicated, most unexpected before and after he's experienced in years.

Ilya Rozanov is standing in his office, looking at him with kindness and curiosty, joking with him about Shane forcing him to eat horrible food on roadies this year. Because that's Shane's job. And Ilya Rozanov is now part of Shane's job. Definitely an unexpected before and after for him. He has an affirmation for this. Laurie would be so disappointed because Shane Hollander is kind reacting to this situation by being a bitch.

Chapter 2: and I resent you just a little if I'm honest

Chapter Summary

Shane Hollander thinks about what Rozanov is to him

Chapter Notes

Chapter title from I'm Trying (not friends) by Maisie Peters which is not really applicable to this fic, but the line is too good to ignore Shane's feelings in this.

Okay, so I feel like I do have to warn everyone this is not a straight walk through of the first part of the series. Shane's POV is going to include a good chunk of stuff that happens in the first part, but really my goal here is to give you an insight into what is happening inside of Shane before during and even after the first fic wraps.

This chapter is technically alllll lead up to the prologue. It's a long winding introspection that takes place over about a year and the last scene is the morning of Shane and Ilya meeting.

I said it in an end note in one chapter or another in the Ilya POV fic, but I love both these characters deeply. They are very important to me. Sometimes things are unflattering or harsh, but that's because they're unreliable narrators and both neurotic as fuck in different ways.
Anyway, I also feel like probably I should shout out NOW that I am very attached to the Ilya & Svetlana and the Shane & Rose friendships and I will write those to be full, loving, supportive friendships. I got some...less than stellar feedback on part one about people being very uncomfortable with Svetlana & Ilya's friendship and the way that they express that, which is like fine. But if you think you're going to have a problem with that, this is probably not the story for you and that's okay. This fandom is full of amazing talented writers who are putting out hella cool fic literally everyday.

Okay, sorry for the rant. Enjoy Shane being Shane and I promise in the next chapter he will be forced to grapple with his feelings about Ilya Rozanov.

The first boy Shane kisses ends up being like, a problem for him. In the kind of way that he hopes will probably be funny one day when he's in some sort of long term monogamous relationship and he's sprawled out in a booth at a club with Rose and this imaginary boyfriend and they're telling him about why they're such good friends.

Rose will be kind of tipsy and she'll giggle and say something about how Shane got this big stupid crush on the embodiment of hockey and had to test it out on more literal hockey and even though they had been friends before that, after that they became inseperable so really everyone here owes everything to that dickbag Shane kissed who turned out to not even be a good hockey player.

She would convientely leave out the beginning of that story - the embodiment of hockey. Because unfortunately, it's kind of a touchy subject. Ilya Rozanov.

Shane doesn't let people see that, of course. When he's with hockey people, he talks about Rozanov with the respect he deserves. He's the best in the league even if he's messy outside the ice. Shane works in hockey and Harris knows all the good gossip and he shares it with Shane freely and even though there are…abundant rumors about Rozanov's sex life and there are all kinds of photos of him on top of cars and next to vodka bottles and tabloid photos of him in between a dozen models at some party, there are never rumors about abuse or paternity cases or racism on the ice.

Shane takes those things into account when he talks hockey. Dallas Kent is a better than average player, but there are far too many rumors about the kind of person he is and that simmers around in the back of Shane's head constantly.

And so, Shane respects Rozanov. He knows he's the best of the best. He tells anyone that asks that Rozanov is the generational talent.

But, sometimes. When it's just him. When he's a little bit heartbroken because he's single and the dream of laughing about this all a little bit seems like some kind of far away never going to happen thing. When Rose holds his hand across the couch while Rozanov wins the cup for the first time. When he wakes up to a headline about Ilya throwing his season away because he was driving one of his stupid sports cars too fast and wrecked it.

Sometimes…Shane gives himself a moment to really resent him. The life Rozanov has. The way he has a career to throw away. The way that he sent Shane down a spiral of undoing because Rozanov's hand in his felt electric in a way nothing ever had before and the quirk of his mouth made Shane think about tasting it for the first time in his whole life. The fact that Shane got kind of obsessed with someone who seems to sleep with a different woman every week and would throw away his career over nothing because all the money in the world couldn't make him actually care about hockey

Shane doesn't ever say it out loud, but Rose knows it and so she never says the beginning of that story. That Shane dreamt about Ilya Rozanov's lips for weeks before he kissed his stupid ass loser teammate. And she never says that Shane developed some kind of psychosexual fixation on him and the guys all kind of…well, Shane knows he has a type and most people do so he tries not to be embarrassed by it, but it does get exhausting. He knows it's all fucked up in his head and he knows his parents and friends worry about him.

He knows it's all a big nasty ball of interconnected fucked upness. He's talked enough about it in therapy and even though he has them sorted into kind of categories, it's still a tangled ball of nasty inside his chest.

But, Shane is doing better. Shane's last boyfriend maybe dumped him because Shane just wasn't interested in branching out. Shane knows who he is and Shane knows he won't like EDM festivals in Ibiza or gay clubs in Montreal or wine tasting in Sonoma with the LGBTQIA group from his university days that he still goes on trips with. Shane knows who he is and he knows they're not…compatible, but he also wasn't a hockey player in the closet and for that, Shane is grateful because he is doing better and he won't do that shit again.

Shane is better than that. He deserves someone who will meet his parents and walk down the street with him and meet Rose. He deserves someone who will come to his apartment building and go out with him and…Shane is doing better. He deserves better. He is all set on that.

The next guy that Shane gives his time to is going to deserve him. Shane is determined to leave all this…complication behind him. He's going to laugh about this one day with Rose in a club in LA and he means that. He's going to maybe let her set him up with that stunt double she thinks he'd like. Ben or something. He's from Toronto. He keeps up with hockey. He's ripped. Shane owes Rose a trip to LA that he's been putting off. Maybe that could work.

There are rumors that Rozanov will play again, but that Boston is going to drop him. He'll go someplace kind of awful for a couple of seasons and he'll make really good money to do it and Shane will say things like Rozanov is good, you all forgot he pulled Boston back from the brink, but I didn't forget and then someone will boo him and ask him don't you WORK for Ottawa, man? where is your loyalty and Shane will flip them off and then watch Rozanov do something crazy and impossible again and then he can not think about him until the next game he watches

Until, of course, Harris waltzes into his apartment looking like he is a dog with a mouthful of bees. "Oh my god, Shane. We got Rozanov."

And Shane realizes he will have to do a whole lot of thinking about Ilya Rozanov and all of…everything.

"His social media is trash, but god, our engagement is going to skyrocket." Harris kind of huffs this half laugh and holds up his hands as he flops across Shane's couch. "And also maybe some Ottawa glory, don't kill me, I didn't forget about the hockey."

Shane loves Harris. He loves Harris for many reasons, but one of those reasons is that sometimes Shane doesn't even have to participate in the conversation.

"I'm just job first about this, like I know you're thinking about some kind of celebrity hot boy shit he's got on his travel requests." Harris is waving a hand around and staring at Shane's ceiling while Shane moves the stuff around on the coffee table to make room for the inevitable lunch Harris orders. "Like, I bet he travels with some imported Russian tea that is going to cost us half the travel food budget, but we are going to do it because he's worth it."

It crackles through Shane's blood like ice. Harris has no idea what he's saying. He does. He knows about all of it, but he doesn't know about Rozanov because that's something only he and Rose and his therapist know. That is was Rozanov that made him wonder.

Shane will do his job. He'll get Ilya his crazy Russian tea or whatever it is that he needs and he'll make sure he feels…welcome in Ottawa because he can maybe imagine a little bit what it's like to have your whole life upended, but Ilya Rozanov is just another asshole hockey player that parties too much and sleeps around and spends him money on stupid shit and Shane has to remember that.

Shane knows that the Ottawa Centaurs are an unusual team.

The thing about the NHL is that it's a small bunch even though it's got massive numbers. All the travel coorinators know each other. All the physiotherapists go to the same conference. All of the social media people have a Whatsapp chat for emergencies and also one for trends they all want to try.

He knows that the support team employees don't normally go to the team BBQ's and he knows that not all the travel coordinators pack special boxes of stuff for roadies the way he does and he knows that most of the queer staff aren't out and if teams have more than one queer person, they aren't both out and accepted and loved on the way Shane and Harris are.

Shane knows it's unusual, but it's also probably why he stayed with the team. He had an offer from the Blue Jay's last year, but he hadn't even entertained it. The baseball season doesn't really align with his life anyway even if he doesn't consider the fact that he would be miserable to leave the life he's built in Ottawa. It's strange, but it's his.

This team is unusal, but they open the season with his silly little cruise speech and they come hang out with him at beer league and he loves them.

And that's why it's so nice to hear them all be a little bit worried about Rozanov.

Well, everyone except for Wyatt. He's been really zen about the whole thing, but Shane knows that's just how Wyatt is about everything.

"I heard he's in player's assist this summer," Bood says, low and soft.

"He's training somewhere in New England," Wyatt says without looking up from his phone. There's been some kind of comic book movie announcement and he's deep in a Reddit thread. "Pictures all over Twitter of him coming and going from some barn that's about to fall down."

Shane picks at the label on the bottle of beer he's holding in his hand. He's tired of talking about Ilya Rozanov. He's tired of thinking about him. "Hey, Chou," he calls across the porch to where Chou is lighting…something small in the palm of his hand on fire. Probably good to cut that off before it goes anywhere anyway. "Come tell these lazy fucks about your summer plans."

It successfully gets everyone to move on from Shane having to consider what Ilya Rozanov is going to do to the team dynamics and start bullying Chou lovingly about his hiking plans.

Shane sinks into not worrying about it. He lets the night pass him by. Cassie gives him a ginger ale when his beer goes completely warm. He gets pulled into a discussion about the trade news. Harris makes them film some video for his own personal social media. He leaves when the weed comes out.

He drives Wyatt home because Lisa had to leave halfway through for some emergency and Wyatt really isn't that far away from Shane's place and Wyatt tells him in very specific detail about the comic book news from tonight until he's pulling up to Wyatt's place and he says casually, "I think everyone is being too hard on him."

Shane knows who he means, but he asks, "who?" anyway as some kind of cover for the fact that tonight his brain has been 75% consumed by thoughts of Ilya Rozanov on the Ottawa Centaurs.

"You know he got ejected from that game two seasons ago when he beat the fuck out of Dallas Kent," Wyatt shrugs. Shane knows it. He remembers how brutal the media had been about Rozanov beating up on some kid, even though Kent was not a kid. "Kent was saying shit about Vaughny and Rozanov just went after him, man."

"Carter Vaughn?" Shane has no idea why he keeps asking questions to things he knows the answer to.

"He had just played on All-Stars with Rozanov, remember? Vaughn told me that Roz was good that weekend about some stuff that happened, I don't know what. I just know that Rozanov was kind of crashing out there for awhile, but he never started shit on ice with someone who didn't deserve it and I just think maybe he needs friends and not people who are thinking he's going to come in and be a problem or lose it again." Wyatt claps Shane on the shoulder. "Just something to consider. Thanks, Hollzy. See ya in a few weeks." And then he slides out of the car and disappears into the night.

Shane really wants to stop thinking about Ilya Rozanov.

Rose comes to visit while everyone is at the cottage and she doesn't bring it up because she loves him and Yuna Hollander has preternatural hearing when it comes to anything tangentially related to Shane's love life. He thought perhaps being gay would save him from the grandmother guilt. It has not.

Rose quiets his brain. It has from the first night they met. Rose pulls him outside and lays a towel on the dock and they lay next to each other in the sun, their shoulders squashed together, and she tells him about this script she read on the plane and how much she loved it and then they have margaritas with Yuna when she comes down to ask Rose about her next premiere.

They don't talk about the next season, but Rose does not offer to give him the number of the stuntman. She does ask to see his calendar so they can find time to see each other. She does sneak into his room on the last night and makes them get under the covers and giggle over photos of the guy Rose is maybe flirting with.

It's exactly what Shane needs and he cries a little when she gets in her car to go back to the airport. He just misses her.

It has nothing at all to do with the fact that he doesn't have anyone else in his life he can talk to like he talks to Rose. Or that no one loves him and sees him the way Rose does. And that is something he can't think about too much because isn't that a little embarrassing that the closest relationship he has ever had with another person is the girl he tried very hard to be straight for.

He's back in his apartment for all of three hours when Simmons calls with a pickup at a rink across town. Shane calls Wyatt and Wyatt picks him up because Wyatt drives this overly large SUV thing because goalie gear and it fits his and Shane's bags and Shane realizes he's not been on the ice in weeks and that's what's been buzzing underneath his skin with wrongness.

It always come slamming back into him - that really no matter what - the only place he really belongs is here.

The ice. The rink. A game with friends and sometimes people he doesn't know but know of him. Shane puts his head down and plays until his whole body aches and afterwards, Wyatt offers to take him to get a smoothie, but that plan gets overridden by an invite to Clyde's - which is the local beer league hangout.

Lisa is off so she is quick to join them and Shane wishes he could leave when it becomes clear this is a chance for all the couples to catch up and Shane is…

Shane has to be at the rink tomorrow. There's rookie stuff and he needs to start working on the catering for the sponsor dinners over the season now that they have dates for theme nights, but he does his best to fold himself into his friends and he let's Christina put his hand on her pregnant belly and he even manages to pretend to not be wildly uncomfortable about it.

It's good to see everyone and it's even better when Lisa tells everyone that she has an early shift and they take their exit and Shane sits in the backseat of their SUV and listens to them talk about a new cereal Wyatt wants to try for his pre-game bowl of cereal and how Lisa is already putting in for time off for that roadie along the West Coast so she can visit Wyatt's sister and spend some time at the beach and Shane says he'll talk to Rose about her schedule.

"It's going to be a good season," Wyatt says, mostly to himself. Shane hopes he's right.

David doesn't get enough credit, Shane thinks when he opens his door the morning he knows Rozanov is coming to the rink and finds his dad standing there with a pastry box and two green juices in a little tray.

Balance, he'll say as he pulls two sugary pastries out of the box and gives one to Shane. Balance is important in life.

"Want to give me a ride to work?" David smiles at him and kind of shakes around the pastry box.

Shane thinks probably David knows on some level that the thing that tipped Shane over into actively seeking was the prospect cup. The thing is that Shane is very much Yuna's son and David has spent most of his life incredibly dedicated to Yuna and a byproduct of that is he sees more of Shane than Shane would maybe like.

He still thinks about the night it happened - the photos and the yelling and - Shane had hid in the laundry room so Yuna didn't see him cry and David had walked in under the guise of needing the starch and had held Shane until the tears stopped. Yuna had been too irate to comfort Shane and Shane was convinced he didn't need comforting because he got himself into this mess and he was basically an adult, but…David knew differently.

Shane was probably 22 before he really understood that his family dynamic was different. He probably thought about it in passing, but hockey was the centerpoint in his family and they all revolved around it. It wasn't until he went with some university friend's to Vancouver for Canadian Thanksgiving one year and all the mom's were in the kitchen cooking and the dad's were sitting on couches with beers and talking about hockey and asking the kids about classes…Shane had to rearrange a lot of things all at once about his family.

If it was Yuna's night to do dinner, they had take out. Yuna booked the hotels for hockey, the flights. She ordered his gear. She made him study sheets for other teams. His dad packed him tea and to go breakfast sandwiches and insisted everyone take a break on holidays to eat and enjoy themselves.

David bandaged Shane's cut in timbits while Yuna stood and talked to the coach about safety procedures.

David was the heart of their family. He always showed up exactly when Shane needed him most.

They didn't talk about work for either of them while Shane carefully ate his flaky pastry with almonds and crusty sugar bits. David told him in vivid detail about the new spy novel he was reading and how he thought perhaps it would be a good candidate for an adaptation because it had compelling characters. Shane was lucky he had so many people that loved him so well. It probably made the sting of loneliness that occassionally cropped up hurt much less.

Because the truth was, it was maybe a little more than occassional these days. He wanted someone to see him, to not shy away from some of his larger…quirks. Shane is watching his dad walk towards his very reasonable government job, waving at Shane over his shoulder and thinking about his parents and Wyatt and Lisa and Bood and Cassie and the save the date he has on his fridge for Allen and Samir for next summer.

It's just that Shane has that dream about an ordinary life with someone who…loves him. Someone who loves his beer league and his mom's inability to turn off work at family dinner and his dad's softness and the cottage on the lake.

Shane is…not like Harris. Harris and Shane both grew up in Ottawa, but Harris knows everyone everywhere they go. Harris gets by on hook-ups and friendship and his large family loving on him.

Shane can't do casual and he can't open himself up to just anyone and he has trust issues he's meant to be working on and he wants someone to show up at his door with breakfast that isn't his dad.

And suddenly, his mood sours beyond saving.

What he wants this season - impossibly - is someone to love him. And the only thing waiting for him is Ilya Rozanov becoming a Centaur.

Chapter End Notes

Shane baby, look behind you, you're in danger, girl.

Chapter 3: but, I dug my heels in

Chapter Summary

Shane continues to be like, so so so normal about Ilya Rozanov in his city.

Chapter Notes

chapter title from "Love Him I Don't" by Maisie Peters. Yes, it's all going to be Maisie.

Anyway, sorry this has taken so long and it's so tiny. This fic is going to be much slower paced as I am working to make sure it's RIGHT but also I am working on other things.

There is some talk about Shane with an OMC, but it's not explicit and it's all in the past and it's just his feelings sorting through.

This chapter takes place on the same day as the handyman visit from Shane - Chapter 3.

Also, as in the first part: we are dealing with a huge unreliable narrator. None of this is real etc etc. Shane is trying hard, you know, and he's failing even harder.

Shane is 21 when he meets Noah. He's working part-time at the rink closest to the school so he can have some extra ice time and he's locking the door when Noah is in the parking lot asking who he can talk to about getting ice time and how much it costs.

Noah thinks he's better than he is, but Shane never tells him that. He likes Noah because he has bouncy blonde hair and big hands and he listens to Shane ramble on about the Cup chase of 1996 and he smiles at him like he enjoys it and not in that patronizing way that all the artsy boys Rose tried to set him up with did.

Noah is chasing a draft spot that will never come, but he's dedicated to it which means he trains with Shane at the gym sometimes and he listens to podcasts about optimization and he never asks to meet Shane's parents even though Shane inches closer to wanting them to meet him.

He is far removed from Shane's friends and his university hockey rec league and they only ever meet at Noah's apartment on the other side of town, but Shane doesn't mind because Noah smiles at him softly when Shane is picking at the seam of his sock and he is hockey all the way to his bones and maybe Shane will truly only ever love hockey, he doesn't know anymore now that he's not avoiding it entirely.

Harris knows he's seeing someone, but respects that he doesn't want to talk about i and Rose only does that little gentle tutting thing she does when she disapproves but knows he's too fragile for him to hear it. She's good like that.

It does break his heart. Even if Shane tries to convince himself all the way down to his bones that he doesn't love him - because he doesn't. That would be crazy. No one in Shane's life knows he exists afterall and Shane cannot love someone in the dark. That is not how love flourishes.

After - after, Harris sits with him on the couch and listens to him cry a bit and then they look at the Instagram of some guy Harris thinks he should go out with on the rugby team if he's so committed to dating athletes. And he reckons that it's Canada and no one cares about gay Rugby players the way they would about hockey players and then they spend 20 minutes looking up Canada's rugby system before Harris insists they should go drink about it with other people because if it's just the two of them drinking together it's sad, but if there's more of them, it's a celebration.

Shane doesn't really follow his logic, but he allows it and it does help. Shane had nursed his broken heart for a bit longer than maybe he let on to anyone else, but that first night - the initial shock of it - had been overshadowed by his friends and their love and one single text from Rose that read someday you will love in the sunshine.

Harris had been around for Noah and for Edward and for Tomas and for the ones he didn't know about and that is why Shane is allowing Harris to shove photos of Ilya Rozanov skating around on the ice in his face.

Shane doesn't need to look at the photos, Shane has been lingering. He can see for himself how beautiful Ilya is when it's just him out there moving and drilling and feeling.

It's not fair, but Shane is finding that he's having a hard time being fair about Rozanov.

He's beautiful and wonderful and he's a complete fucking asshole and Shane doesn't want anything to do with him ever but has no way of expressing that to Harris without going well, so the thing is and laying out the rot inside of him when it comes to Rozanov.

Because it is rot. Shane can't stop watching him and wondering and also wanting and he knows it wrong and he knows it's just him repeating the same fucking behaviors over and over again because his love map got all tangled or something. Rozanov is an asshole. Whatever spark Shane had felt was just his burgeoning sexuality and nothing more, but can Shane really be blamed for watching him and -

Harris doesn't need to show him the social media posts or the videos of Rozanov skating on his own because Shane watches him and remembers being 17 and having his whole life upended with one greeting and two handshakes and he is curious, of course, but that's his own sickness.

Rozanov is an asshole and he tossed away his career for a bender and a fast car and Shane -

Harris loves him and he was kind to Shane - remembered him even - and the guys are raving about him. Wyatt loves him and Wyatt is an A+ Dickwad Detector.

It's just that Shane knows that the path to healing is not a straight line if that's what Rozanov is looking for and he thinks that if he's healing, Rozanov will just take off and sweep off to some shiny spakly team when he proves he isn't going to crash out again - or maybe he crashes out again and drags Shane's beloved team down further.

It doesn't matter how gorgeous he is or how nice he is to Harris or how funny he is with the team…Shane knows this is setting them all up for heartbreak. After all, that's all hockey is.

Harris is a good friend - his most easy going friend, really. He is up for anything. Brunch with most of Shane's friends from his university program that Harris finds boring because no one gets drunk or shows up in glitter and there are no drag queen's in sight. He goes easily when Shane nudges him and they leave the table first to spend hours driving all over Ottawa to collect items for a silent auction Yuna has put together for her foundation.

It's tedious and if Shane was alone, he would be listening to hockey podcasts on his headphones, but Harris forces him to listen to playlists that he and Rose put together to torture Shane with. He sings - off-key - at the top of his lungs and Shane cannot help but laugh because Harris always makes him laugh and he steals a little bit of Harris' shamelessness from him everytime he gets to see him like this.

It's like this:

Rozanov is undeniably gorgeous. He is quite literally the blueprint of Shane's sexual desires and Shane can acknowledge that he's gorgeous and Shane can look at him and wonder if he would be…just as good as the rumors.

Rozanov is strangely gentle somehow. He is funny and weird. He giggles at Shane like he understands his sense of humor. He looks at Shane like he does understand him. He is on the ice next to him and he is not letting up, he is relentless.

Somehow this entire day got turned on it's head and Shane is watching Rozanov very seriously flirt with Harris and Harris is completely oblivious to it and Shane can't tell if Rozanov is being a dick or if he's just…like that. Shane thinks - ridiculously - that he's not being a dick which he recognizes as a complete 180 to what he was doing this morning, but…

Shane cannot be alone with Ilya Rozanov because Shane can already feel his traitorous heart softening to his antics and his chirps and the gentle way he is nudging Harris in a very undickish manner and Shane fucking knows better than that. He knows better and he won't let himself get swept up in it.

Tanner asks him if he wants a ride home and Shane decides that being pressed into the backseat with Rozanov is too close to being alone. Shane says yes to the ride.

He's like, totally fine.

Until he's defending Rozanov to Yuna and she's looking at him funny and Shane is willing his mouth shut because he does not need defending so he quickly changes the subject and blatantly ignores the look his parents exchange that he reads as our poor gay son and his complete inability to fall for someone appropriate because Shane is transparent.

Off limits. No good. Stay away. Shane erects a fence in his mind between Rozanov and this family dinner.

It stands tall and proud until David shows Shane a photo that Wyatt sent him of Rozanov sitting on a curb looking at a smoothie in confusion. He looks cute. Biteable. The fence falls down and Shane decides he'll like, cement the posts or whatever. Read some of those reddit threads about Ilya and Moscow clubs.

Rozanov. His name is Rozanov.

Chapter End Notes

This fic will be much more introspective in the moments where we have already gotten things from Ilya's POV. There will be some fresh moments that will feel fuller, and I AM still planning on some stuff from Harris :) but that will be a third fic probably.

Chapter 4: your life, I dreamed about it

Chapter Summary

Shane has an encounter, a revelation, and a dream.

Chapter Notes

This chapter covers ch. 5&6 of Ilya's POV

The title is from Vampire Time by Maisie Peters which will be seen again :)

I did start another WIP that is an AU of The Ultimatum which is a batshit Netflix dating show and maybe if I get my shit together, a little Halloween one shot. If you believe in me hard enough, maybe I can do it.

Shane has two boxes of Russian cookies in the trunk of his car and Rozanov's phone number in his phone and he can't really believe himself.

Rozanov is just so…disarming. Shane gets too close to him and his whole body just gives up? Betrays him? He stops thinking, he just acts and it makes him feel so out of control and confused. He has no idea who he is and he has no idea how to stop it.

They're going to run together. At Shane's favorite trail. Or, well. His second favorite. His favorite is at his parents cottage, weaving between trees and feeling like he can breathe, but he has no space in his head to insert Rozanov into that trail because that is reserved for his future - some faceless guy to come in and fold himself into Shane's routines and eating habits and family.

Shane will take him on this trail tomorrow because as Rozanov keeps reminding him he is a polite Canadian and this is the polite Canadian thing to do. Shane is invested in the Centaurs doing well and he can admit that Rozanov feeling welcome and settled will make the Centaurs better probably and so really, he's being selfish.

Now, the cookies are a more pressing matter.

It's not like it's unusual for players to have a special snack - in fact, it's almost expected - but he knows that what he does is a little different. Hayes was interviewed last year on some podcast about becoming a Centaur and he mentioned that part of the team spirit definitely comes from Hollzy Snack Boxes on the plane and suddently Shane was being harrassed by every travel coordinator in the league.

What is unusual is that Rozanov didn't ask for anything, but Shane's heart was squeezing in his chest watching Rozanov stare at the shelves, hold the package in his hand so gently, look at Shane like he was precious as Shane was stumbling over an explanation about his mom and tea.

That was probably why he cracked with the phone thing. Rozanov was another immigrant two times over with…much less support than his mother had and if the rumors about Rozanov's parents are true…

They're going running. Shane will fucking survive it. Just like he's survived everything.

Besides, it's just a matter of time until Rozanov does something or says something and Shane won't feel so guilty. He knows it.

It's probably a little voyueristic - the way Shane has been watching Ilya from the shadows during practice. It's not unusal for Shane to be here, but it's unusual that he's not making himself known.

But, it's not technically practice and Shane should probably not be watching Ilya skate long long loops around the ice while Dykstra skates with him. Shane can't hear what they're saying, but he can see the way Dkystra is shifting slightly on his skates - correcting ankles and stride and Ilya is overexagerrating the movement before it happens and Shane…

Shane shouldn't be watching this, probably, but Dykstra is laughing and clapping Rozanov on the shoulder and Shane is still thinking about it when he sits down later to pack the box for their roadie.

One sticky note pressed to Rozanov's cookies at the last second.

There are too many people in Harris' apartment, but Harris thrives on it and everyone knows to leave Shane alone while the game is on and it is actually good to see everyone. The tradition of watching the first away game at someone's house is going strong and he really loves the support staff.

He got lucky, really. Shane was probably underqualified for this job. He definitely fucked a couple of things up in the early days and had to own up to some embarrassing mishaps to management, but he loves it here. They love him. They love that he knows hockey. They love that the players love him. They love that he goes the extra mile for everyone. Like with the snack boxes and the silly cruise line bit and probably most of all they love tthat Shane Hollander is Shane Hollander. He's still someone in Ottawa even all these years later.

Rozanov plays beautifully even though no one can keep up with him. They need to invest in a couple of really fast skaters, someone who can read the ice even half as good as Rozanov. They need a fast defenseman too. Just one that can get in someone's face, but be smart about it. Shane wonders how he can piecemeal this out to Weibe without having to have the analyst conversation again. Maybe he can plant a seed with Bood or even Wyatt.

He can do that. If he's careful and gentle about it.

A nasty voice in his head says he could text Rozanov about it. He could do that. Rozanov probably knows and has no problem telling Weibe and taking credit.

Shane has the weirdest dream.

He's walking along the path at his parents cottage. It's one of those perfect summer days that he's always chasing. The sun is directly overhead, but it's not too hot. There are big, fluffy clouds floating around. It rained yesterday with enough time to dry out in the sun, so there's no humidity, but there is an occassional puddle in the shade that Shane dips the toe of his hiking boot in - just to feel the earth give way under his foot.

And Ilya Rozanov is talking.

Except he's invisible somehow because he's not next to Shane. He's not ahead of him on the trail. He's not lagging behind to look at rocks and bugs. He is nowhere, but Shane can hear him.

His voice is rough and soft. The way it had been in that international grocery store. Shane had realized later that it had been from disuse. Rozanov hadn't spoken to anyone else and -

That's the way his voice is now. His voice is wrapping around Shane's body and cradling him in warmth just as much as the sunlight is.

He's talking about Harris' birthday and going swimming later and some conditioning he needs to get on if he wants to not die at the beginning of the season and about David making them chicken parm later.

It's so strange because Shane knows it's a dream and there's supposed to be something about how if you know it's a dream, you wake up, but Shane is not waking up. He's walking along, dipping his toe into the edge of a puddle and listening to Rozanov talk about Shane's dad like it's normal for them to all be together.

Shane knows he's dreaming and he thinks probably that's the worst part. He can't even pretend for a second that it's real. And that's probably part of the dream too. Rozanov doesn't belong at this place - the most sacred place he has.

Chapter End Notes

Chapter 6 from Ilya POV ends with a dream sequence of his past and it was really important for Shane to have a dream of Ilya in his future to close out this chapter.

To come: Shane has to really confront that Ilya is nothing like he's been telling himself he is and goes to a Halloween party to maybe avoid Ilya.