Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Heated Rivalry (TV)

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander & Hayden Pike

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Hayden Pike

Additional Tags:

5 Times, Crack, Dialogue Heavy, Drabble Collection, Marriage of Convenience, Relationship Reveal

Language:

English

Series:

Part 4 of a 'convenient' solution

Collections:

2026-02: Olympic Heroics, xianvar’s prompt fills

Stats:

Published: 2026-02-08 Completed: 2026-02-12 Words: 500 Chapters: 5/5

5 Ways Hayden Did Not Learn of Ilya and Shane’s Amazing Plan

Summary

Shane and Ilya need to get married for immigration reasons. Here are five ways Hayden, thankfully, did not learn of that plan.

Notes

This is utter crack. I am so sorry to everyone who was hoping for a “real” update to this series 🙈

There is a big chance a Ilya!PoV will be coming, considering I am about ~1k words in, but alas, my life has been taken over by Febuwhump…

Chapter 1

“Hollander,” Rozanov is saying, loud enough to be heard over his footsteps clattering down the wooden staircase, “I think I have to marry you.”

After what feels like an eternity, he reaches the bottom of the staircase, stops, and takes in the scene: Hayden, his mouth as round as his eyes, opposite of Shane who wishes the floor would swallow him whole. Quiet stretches between them. “Oh. I am interrupting?”

Shane drops his head forward and exhales into the table.

“For the record,” he tells the wood, “this is not how I wanted to break the news to you, Hayd.”

Chapter 2

“Rozanov,” Hayden says, surprised. “That’s unexpected.”

“Well I have situation,” Rozanov says, “at home.”

“Aha.”

It says absolutely nothing.

“So you’re… hiding here?” Hayden ventures when the silence stretches.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because Hollander suggested we marry.”

“He did what?” Hayden’s voice breaks embarrassingly.

“I didn’t –”

“It was not your idea now?”

Shane drops his gaze, which is admission enough.

“To get married?” Hayden echoes. It’s a little impossible to wrap his head around it.

“Well, alternative is marry girl. Which. No.”

“But – you – what.” None of this is making sense. “Is this a prank?”

“Maybe we should explain.”

No shit.

Chapter 3

“Hollander!” Rozanov yells, from the top of the stairs, not yet visible but unmistakable still. “Hollander! I have news for you!”

After what feels like an eternity but can’t have been more than two seconds, Shane meets Hayden’s gaze.

“Shane,” Hayden says surprisingly pleasantly, though there’s something wild around his eyes. “Why is Ilya Rozanov yelling for you from your bedroom?”

Rozanov clatters down the stairs, not waiting until he is in view to add, “We will be getting married, dearest rival mine!”

Shane looks at the stairs, back at Hayden, and down at the table. “I can absolutely explain.”

Chapter 4

Tell me I shouldn’t marry Ilya Rozanov. Shane doesn’t mean to hit send. His hand slips, is the thing, and he can only watch in horror as the double check marks appear and then turn blue.

?????, writes Hayden, followed by, ???????????

A moment later, Shane’s phone rings. “Whoever you are,” Hayden says menacingly, “give this phone back right now.”

“Uh,” Shane says intelligently. “It’s me?”

“Shane?”

“Uh,” Shane says again, “So, uh. Can we both pretend I did not just actually hit send on that.”

Hayden stays worryingly silent.

“Because this is definitely not how I wanted you to find out.”

Chapter 5

So hypothetically – if you’d been sleeping with your archival for years, and now he needs to marry someone to avoid the KHL & stay in the MLH, how stupid would it be to volunteer?

It takes maybe ten seconds for Shane’s phone to ring. “What the fuck, Shane?” Hayden gasps, like he’d sprinted for his phone. “Did – god, did you get a concussion in Switzerland? Are you alone, should I –”

“He is not alone!” Ilya yells from behind Shane because he’s the worst.

“That – please tell me it’s a hypothetical. Or a prank.”

“I… probably should have picked a different approach.”