Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Jean-Jacques Boiziau | J. J. Dagenais/Carter Vaughn

Characters:

Shane Hollander, J.J. Boiziau, Carter Vaughn, Zane Boodram, Ilya Rozanov, Svetlana Vetrova, Rose Landry, Marcus Lewis, Anong Okafor

Additional Tags:

Not Canon Compliant, Texting Fic, POV Shane Hollander, Married Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, POC Solidarity, Fluff and Crack, Humor, I think Shane would love this, Zane is a detective, Ottawa Centaurs (Game Changers), Book 2: Heated Rivalry (Game Changers), Post-Episode: s01e06 The Cottage (Heated Rivalry), J.J is funny, everyone is funny, We are dissing Scott Hunter, idk TAGS, author is medicated but still a little insane, this group loves Beyoncé, Good Friend Svetlana Vetrova, Svetlana loves those fools, Crossover Pairings, Original Character(s), Welcome Marcus Lewis, Boston Bears | Boston Raiders (Game Changers), Welcome Anong Okafor, author is no longer medicated but still a little insane, Completed

Language:

English

Series:

Part 1 of Shane and Dem Boyz

Stats:

Published: 2026-02-07 Completed: 2026-10-02 Words: 43,001 Chapters: 25/25

We are African Americans...... and Mark (Shane)

Summary

We Dem Boyz
Vaughny added J.J, and unknown number.

Vaughny: Fellas, I just spoke with the rookie in Ottawa, Boodram, and we realized there is no safe space in the league for minorities for us. I would make a big group chat, but I think the four of us is good enough.
J.J: Ahhh, shit. Sounds good to me. Welcome to hell – I mean welcome to MHL Boodram!
Vaughny: No, you were right J.J. Welcome to hell.
Boodram: 😂😂. Thanks guys. I appreciate it.
Shane: Yes welcome!
Shane: Also, what does the name of the chat mean?
J.J: Ahhh Captaine….

Or Carter Vaughn creates a group chat with Shane, J.J and Zane and they become each other's support system.

Notes

- First HR Fic and I had to choose a very insane, very silly idea.
- Idea is from this great tweet from @blackmagnetØ. If you are on the tweets, please share with them. I am only on the tweets to lurk. https://x.com/blackmagnet0/status/2011471772441321836?s=46
- NOT CANON. Shane is still the best, and still himself, but he and J.J are closer and he tells the boys his business (sorta).
- I chose Carter and Zane because I feel their character personalities fit this well and it helps with following the timeline of the series/books.
- J.J speaks French and Haitian Creole. I don’t know any Haitian that doesn’t throw any Creole in their daily lives. Translations that are not in the main text will be in the end notes.
- Zane will be typing in Trini dialect. Imagine having an entire sleeve dedicated to your country but not typing allyuh
- I’m neither Haitian nor Trinidadian, however, I am West Indian (born and raised) so…. I think I know what’s happening.
- Also, have fun. I laughed so much writing this (mostly at work because…… yeah).
- Yes, I know only Carter is African American, however you should know the meme by now.

Chapter 1: We Dem Boyz

Chapter Notes

2014

We Dem Boyz

Vaughny added J.J, and unknown number.

Vaughny: Fellas, I just spoke with the rookie in Ottawa, Boodram, and we realized there is no safe space in the league for minorities like us. I would make a big group chat, but I think the four of us is good enough.

J.J: Ahhh, shit. Sounds good to me. Welcome to hell – I mean welcome to MHL Boodram!

Vaughny: No, you were right J.J. Welcome to hell.

Boodram: 😂😂. Thanks guys. I appreciate it.

Shane: Yes welcome!

Shane: Also, what does the name of the chat mean?

J.J: Ahhh Capitaine….

“Rozanov, what does We Dem Boyz mean?” Shane asked as he looked up from his phone. They were currently sitting down on the couch of Ilya’s Boston penthouse, taking a breather from their extensive extracurricular activities.

“As in, the Wiz Khalifa song?” Ilya asked with an amused look on his face.

“The who song?” Ilya let out a loud laugh that sent shivers down Shane’s spine. He knew he knew nothing about music, but he just wanted to understand the chat name.

“Why are you wondering about this Hollander?” Ilya picked up his phone and typed the song title into the YouTube search engine. Shane sighed as he looked back at the chat, now filled with greetings and preliminaries.

“Vaughny made a chat with me, J.J and that rookie from Ottawa, Boodram. Something about safe space for minorities, but it’s just the four of us. That’s the name of the chat.” Ilya let out another laugh, before pressing play on the music video.

“Let me introduce you to the Wiz Khalifa, yes?”

2015

We Dem Boyz

Boodram: I know Crowell did not say that…

J.J: Sigh! That’s what I was thinking. What do you mean the findings of the report were incorrect. We are treated like shit in this fucking league.

Shane: “Oh we have Shane Hollander”

Shane: ???????

Shane: I am so tired of being the face of “we fixed our racism issue. I’ve been here since 2009 and nothing has been done.

Boodram: I always forget you guys are so much older than me. 2009? Well mudaskunt…

Vaughny: Not now Bood! 😭😒

Boodram: my bad my bad!

Boodram: But no, that has to suck so much Hollander. Yes, we just want to play hockey, but I also don’t want into a locker room and worried about being hate crimed.

J.J: The number of times I got accused of doing voodoo….

Vaughny: No way! You’re better than me, I would’ve told them my mom got something cooking for them.

J.J: 😂 I did once! And then I got a warning from Crowell.

Shane: Crowell is so…

Vaughny: A bitch! You can say it Hollzy. He is a bitch.

Boodram: The biggest one. That’s why I hope he stub his pinky toe every day for the rest of his life.

Shane: That’s a threat I can get behind! :)

2016

We Dem Boyz

JJ: Zanmi! Amis! Friends! Capitaine got a girl losing her mind!

Shane: JJ….

Shane: can we not.

JJ: Non! I have to tell them. This is important.

Boodram: 👀 👀 I am all ears.

Vaughny: Thee Shane Hollander driving a girl crazy? I wish I was surprised.

Shane: Wait, what does that mean?

Boodram: Hollander, you’re hot. Like???

Shane: Oh.

JJ: He truly gets on my nerves.

JJ: Anyways. He has this girl, name Lily. Boston Lily to be exact. That’s why we always beat their ass. He gets laid and play like a maniac!

Vaughny: Wait!..... That makes so much sense.

Boodram: We were literally having that conversation in the locker room. Now we know why. Big up Lily two times!

Shane: Dear God…

Vaughny: You’re not denying anything Hollzy 👀

Boodram: right?? Lily giving my boy that ever-blessed pums.

JJ: 🤣 YES. I LOVE YOU BOSTON LILY. AND FUCK BOSTON.

Shane: She is giving me the what?

Vaughny: Yeah. Fuck Boston!

Boodram: Yuppp! Fuck Boston!

Shane: Fuck Boston!

2016

We Dem Boyz

Boodram: Hollander!!!!

Shane: That’s my name…

Boodram: ROSE LANDRY????????

Boodram: What happened to Boston Lily?

Vaughny: wait, what do you mean Rose Landry? Hollzy! You’re dating Rose Landry???

Boodram: My GUY. YES

Boodram: [link to tabloid article of the pair dating and being seen in Montreal]

Vaughny: OH MY GOSH. Shane Hollander the man you are.

Boodram: I am saying! I’m trying to be like him when I grow up.

Shane: Guys… yes I am with Rose.

Vaughny: ROSE LANDRY!

Shane: No need for the caps, or the full name. Just Rose is fine.

Boodram: JUST ROSE?????

Boodram: That’s like saying you’re just Shane. Please abeg…

JJ: What y’all don’t know is how they were immediately up under each other the night they met… 

Vaughny: JJ! You’re hiding information from us??? Come on man.

Boodram: Wow imagine witnessing the power of love bringing Shane Hollander and Rose Landry together. The internet is losing their shit! I am losing my shit!

Vaughny: Same!

Shane: Oh boy.

JJ: You’re hot. She is hot. IT couple if you ask me.

Shane: Please stop calling me hot.

Boodram: No.

Vaughny: Nah.

JJ: Okay capitaine, I would stop calling you hot. I’ll call you sexy instead.

Shane: Ugh.

January 2017

We Dem Boyz

Vaughny: Imagine being stuck in the cold, instead of being in nice warm, sunny, Tampa.

Boodram: 🖕🏾

Vaughny: No need for the hostility Bood! I’ll send you sunshine from your cold, boring, Ottawa misery.

Boodram: 🖕🏾🖕🏾

Boodram: Go move ya muddaskunt.

JJ: Second.

Vaughny: You barely understand what that means JJ!

JJ: ale souse yon dick

Vaughny: 😮

Shane: yeah, you deserved that one Vaughny.

Shane: Tampa is nice though.

Vaughny: Whatever.

Vaughny: Can’t believe they have you and Rozanov on the same team. This is history.

Boodram:  No, like if you told me back in 2009 that I would be able to see them on the same team, I would tell you to put down the cocaine.

JJ: I think I am going to throw up thinking about it.

Shane: It’s not that big of a deal. Just an All-Star Game.

JJ: Capitaine… you take everything seriously. Of course it’s a big deal.

Boodram: Isn’t he supposed to be your arch nemesis? Like don’t you hate the dude?

Vaughny: can’t be much hate. I saw them chatting it up at the hotel bar earlier.

Shane: Eh… rival sure, I do love beating him, but I don’t hate the guy.

Shane: and what’s up with this chat always reporting on me? Isn’t this supposed to be a support group?

Boodram: Can’t support you if we don’t know what’s going on. : )

Shane: Oh fuck off lool.

February 2017

We Dem Boyz

Vaughny: We are on a heater. I love this for me.

JJ: When you got a Capitaine like mine? Who can beat us?

Shane: We’ve lost more games than I would like to J.J.

JJ: Not the point Capitaine! We are still the best!

Vaughny: Now… I wouldn’t say the best…..

J.J: Vaughny… we will beat you guys so bad. Like Tu n’en sais rien.

Vaughny: I am going to be so fluent in French if I keep taunting you.

Boodram: At least you guys win games…..

Shane: Well. Have the Centaurs ever tried to win a game?

J.J: Capitaine! 🤣

Vaughny: Oh Hollander 😂😂

Boodram: you know what….. fuck all ah allyuh 🖕🏾

[Vaughny changes chat name to “4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only.”]

“Okay, quick question.” Shane said as he squinted at the name change of the group chat.

“Tell me Hollander.” Ilya’s voice echoed through the phone’s speaker.

“Vaughny just changed the of the group chat to the number four, your colored in brackets, spelled the American way, like, why?, eyes spelled with z only. What does that even mean?” Shane rolled his eyes as Ilya’s deep laugh filled through the room.

“Rozanov please.”

“Have you ever heard of J.Cole?” He laughed.

“Who?”

“Oh Hollander.”

March 2017

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Shane: So, I have a question. It’s a little personal.

Vaughny: I am all ears. This is a safe space!

J.J.: Yes, capitaine. You’re good here.

Boodram: Yes, it’s a safe space until you’re on the Ottawa Centaurs. But all ears.

J.J.: Oh hush Bood! 😂

Shane: Good thing I am a Voyageur.

Shane: But yes, how do you know if you’re in love with someone?

Vaughny: Oh. That’s deeper than I expected. Honestly, I am still trying to figure that out with my girl.

J.J: I am honestly the last person to answer that question.

Shane: No yeah. I should’ve said this was a question for the others.

Boodram: 😂

Boodram: In all honesty. I believe it manifests in your actions. For me, once Cassie became a part of every plan, goal or idea that I had, I realized that I cannot live this life with her being a part of my life. I also just started swooning about everything. I started noticing her breathing patterns for all her emotions. I definitely knew I was in love when I got drafted. She was one of the few people that was real with me about the team but also reassured me that I was going to be alright. From that day, I also made a stronger effort to support her in her endeavors. It’s a lot of work, but yes. I am in love with that woman.

J.J: Why am I crying?

Vaughny: RT. That was beautiful.

Shane: Oh wow.

Shane: I think I feel the same.

Shane: Not about your wife, no.
Shane: alright, I just made that awkward.

Boodram: LOOOL. It’s fine Hollander. I understood you.

Boodram: Who got you in love? Boston Lily back?

J.J: wait… she is back.

Vaughny: Oh my, Boston Lily got you in love??? Maybe Boodram was right and she got that ever-blessed pum.

Shane: what does that even mean?

April 2017

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: Holy Shit! That does not look good.

Vaughny: Sheeesh. Omg

Boodram: Is he moving? Oh man. Hollander please be up?

Vaughny: I hate this. I hate this so much.

Boodram: And they keep playing the hit. We don’t care if it was clean. Insensitive fuckers.

Vaughny: !!!!!! Always hated it.

Boodram: It makes my stomach hurt man. J.J, let us know when you get any updates on Shane. Please !

Vaughny: Yes, please.

[next morning]

J.J: Hey guys. Thanks for checking in. Capitaine will be alright. Out for the rest of the season though. He has a concussion and broken collar bone. :(

Boodram: Shit……

Vaughny: I hate that so much. No one wants to see the great Shane Hollander injured man.

J.J: Yeah, the team isn’t taking it lightly at all. And we were already a little bang up. Huge loss. I am glad he is okay though.

Boodram: Same. Shit, maybe we could send some flowers when he gets out? I think that would be okay.

Vaughny: I am down with that. Well, I hope he doesn’t find it weird, but I think it’s a nice gesture.

J.J: I believe he would like the flowers. Plus it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing that happened anyways…

Boodram: 👀 don’t be vague now…

Vaughny: right????

J.J: vous êtes vraiment curieux!

Boodram: my google translate really works overtime talking with you. Also, you mentioned it!

Vaughny: I don’t understand this guy LOOL.

J.J: fine, fine. Apparently Rozanov paid capitaine a visit.

Vaughny: ILYA ROZANOV?????!!!????!?!??!?

J.J: that’s the one…

Boodram: 😮

Vaughny: Okay, I mean they were buddy buddy during All-Star. So that’s good. I just didn’t expect it.

Boodram: 😮

Boodram: Hmmm…… I guess he is not that evil….

Boodram: Hmmmmmmm……..

J.J: what are you thinking Bood?

Boodram: Hmm….

Vaughny: I hate y’all pensive ass mfs.

May 2017

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Vaughny: ugh… this winning thing is so much work. But so much fun.

Boodram: Here he goes… 🙄

Vaughny: Like, the pressure of not just being the best team in the eastern conference, but in the entire league… it’s such a heavy burden to carry.

J.J: Sorry, is someone talking??

Shane: 😂😂

Boodram: I was also seeing empty messages. Thought I was going crazy.

Vaughny: Blah Blah. Y’all just mad that I am winner!

Boodram: Imagine being mad at a dude from North Dakota…

J.J: Bon?? Just making all this noise for what.

Vaughny: I should’ve known you all are my biggest haters.

Shane: there should be something to hate for us to be haters.

Vaughny: 😮

Boodram: LOOOOL. I love when Hollander gets spicy.

J.J: That’s my capitaine!!!

Shane: : )

Shane: Congrats on the win Vaughny! And fuck Boston!

Boodram: Yeah! Fuck Boston!

J.J: Fuck Boston!! Not Boston Lily though, that’s only for Shane.

Shane: Oh my God.

Vaughny: HAHAHA. Yeah! Fuck Boston!

June 2017

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: Damn, the Admirals really did it.

J.J: No foreal! Congrats to them, even though it should be me!

J.J: Vaughny!  Félicitations!

Boodram: Yeah Vaughny! Big up yourself two times bredda!

Shane: Yeah! Congrats Vaughny!

J.J: Wait… what’s Hunter doing?

Boodram: is he waiting on someone? Why are they taking so long to come down?

Boodram: No urgency smh

J.J: okay, but…. What is really happening?

J.J: Who is that man?

Boodram: Who is that man?

Boodram: OH MY GOSHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Boodram: WADIASSSS WADIASSSSSSSS

J.J: SA FOUT LA

J.J: HUNTER SKDJFKJDKJF

J.J: OH MY! SCOTT HUNTER IS KISSING A MAN.

J.J: I REPEAT. SCOTT HUNTER IS KISSING A MAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ICE.

J.J: HOLY SHIT.

Boodram: I-

Boodram: HELLO?????????????

Boodram: THIS IS…

Boodram:  WHAT IS HAPPENING

J.J: THEY ARE STILL KISSING?????????????

Shane: What the hell…

J.J: I am….

Boodram: WHAT ARE THE SOCIAL AND ECONOMIC IMPLICATIONS OF SCOTT HUNTER KISSING A HOT MAN ON THE ICE AFTER WINNING A STANLEY CUP AFTER 700 YEARS?

Shane: Bood 😂

Boodram: NO SHANE. THIS IS SERIOUS.

Boodram: THIS IS REVOLUTIONARY.

Boodram: IS THIS WHAT THEY MEANT WHEN THEY SAID THE REVOLUTION WILL BE TELEVISIED???

J.J: Now… Bood….. take a couple steps back.

Shane: Lol. Please. Breathe.

Shane: But yes, this is serious.

Boodram: SO SERIOUS.

Boodram: Congratulations to him though. They are hot.

J.J: !!!!!!!!!

Vaughny: Everyone wanted to know what I would do if I didn’t win……….. Guess we will never know!

Boodram: NOT NOW VAUGHNY. SCOTT HUNTER JUST KISSED A MAN.

July 2017

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Shane: Okay. Question for Bood.

Shane: Did you take major risks for Cassie? Since you said you’re in love with her?

Vaughny: lover boy Hollzy is back guys.

Shane: Shut up Vaughny. I am asking an expert.

J.J: 😂

Vaughny: Ouch!

Boodram: Honoured to be called an expert by thee Shane Hollander. Adding that to my CV.

J.J: Okay, hop off my capitaine’s dick. I’m the only one allowed.

Vaughny: ?????????????????

Shane: what?

Boodram: Anyways……

Boodram: To answer you Hollander. Yes, I did. A lot of our relationship and love has been met with compromise and making big decisions to support and love each other. Cassie moved to Ottawa for me. Who in the world wants to live here for spite?

Shane: wait… I’m from Ottawa.

J.J: and you live in the greatness of Montreal…

Vaughny: 😭

Boodram: I’ve also had to take a lot of risks when it comes to her. Learning her love language, making sure I am always present. Supporting her endeavors. Things that are difficult and a logistical nightmare with my career, but I make it work. And that’s just the bare minimum….

Shane: Thank you, Bood! I appreciate it.

Vaughny: All I am hearing is that Hollander is getting real serious Boston Lily 👀

Shane: 🤫

J.J: atta capitaine!

July 2018

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: *ahem*

Vaughny: Oh no…

Boodram: GUESS WHO GAH ILYA ROZANOV ON THEIR TEAM!!!!!!

Boodram: I DO! I DO! I DO! NOT YOU HAHHHHHHHHH

J.J: Who needs Rozanov when I have the best capitaine??? I have thee Shane Hollander.

Vaughny: I have Scott Hunter.

J.J: Now……..

Shane: 🦕

Boodram: right….

Vaughny: I’m telling him!

Shane: Oh no… the dinosaur is going to eat us.

Shane: 😔

J.J: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Boodram: As I was saying before Vaughny brought up the crustaceous period…

Boodram: ILYA ROZANOV ON MY TEAM. NO ILYA ROZANOV ON YOURSSSSSSSSS.

November 2018

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Vaughny: Congratulations on the foundation Hollander. I think I cried reading the press release. You and Rozanov are doing something great.

J.J: That’s my capitaine man! It’s really great. Congrats.

Boodram: It’s so beautiful. Roz was telling me about it. I also cried like a baby.

Shane: Thanks guys! I really appreciate it.

Boodram: You’re welcome!

Vaughny: My bad if I’m overstepping, but why with Rozy? You know, the whole rivalry thing.

J.J: right?

Shane: You know, post all-star we just got to know each other better, and I believe with him in Ottawa now, it’s a good idea, and a great mission.

J.J: that makes sense! It’s a good mission indeed.

Boodram: Hmm….

Vaughny: ugh, Bood doing his pensive shit again…

December 2018

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

J.J: I can see you typing Bood.

Vaughny: I just saw the news… ah boy.

Shane: 😂 it’s a good move. They need it.

Boodram: WYATT MUTHAFUKIN HAYES IN ALLYUH MUDDASKUNT.

Boodram: NO GOALS FOR YOU. NO GOALS FOR YOU. NO GOALS FOR YOU. AHHHHHHHHH

Boodram: LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Boodram: AM I GOD’S FAVORITE? AM I BEING BLESSED FOR ALL MY SACRIFICES.

Boodram: THIS IS HOW I KNOW GOD IS A TRINI!

Boodram: [sends link to Trini 2 De Bone by David Rudder]

Boodram: TRINI 2 DE BOONNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

J.J: Okay, but this song slaps.

Vaughny: and do…

Shane: it’s very nice. Patriotic.

November 2019

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: we still on for after the game right Vaughny?

Vaughny: Yes sir!  

Shane: Don’t have too much fun now

Kingfisher – New York City

“Okay, so it’s not just me finding everything being very convenient.” Carter said before taking a sip of his beer. He and Zane were in a booth, away from the rest of the crowd at the Kingfisher. After greeting the others in the bar, they quickly grabbed a drink and start their small gossip session.

“Vaughny, Boston Lily, became Ottawa Lily as soon as Rozy moved to Ottawa.” Zane whispered as he grabbed a napkin from the table, and a black pen from his pants pocket. Carter watched him with an amused look as the other man drew out a chart with various lines and dates.

“Okay. We knew pre–Rose Landry Hollander. According to J.J., he would go, get laid, and then play they crazy against Boston. But he would also play crazy when Boston played Montreal. This means, that Boston Lily would be affiliated with the team. Right...”

“Like, staff that travels. Maybe a trainer.” Carter said as he nodded his head.

“Exactly!” Zane yelled a tad bit too loud. “I thought, okay. Hollzy would be into a health person. A nutritionist or a trainer. However, we got the post Rose Laundry era.” He said as he circled around the words on the napkin.  

“He is cool with Roz. And then Roz visits him in the hospital. And then Roz signs with Ottawa, which I am thankful for, but it’s still what the fuck? And then the foundation and Boston Lily is now in Ottawa. I don’t know man. I don’t think Boston was also losing a nutritionist.” Zane said as he pushed the napkin towards Carter.

“You’re saying Lily is Roz.” Carter said as he looked up from the paper.

“Yes.”

“Holy shit.” Carter laughed. “This makes too much sense. But is Shane even? Roz literally has had sex with every woman on the eastern seaboard.”

“I’ve heard rumors about Shane, but it’s not my place to speculate. And Roz? I’m in the locker room with, and I know a man liker when I see one man.” Zane laughs.

“Well shit. What do we do?”

“Nothing. Just observe. When Shane is comfortable to tell us. He will. Until then, I’ll continue this conspiracy with Cassie.” He said as he shoved the napkin into his pocket.

“Of course, Cassie is involved. She probably figured this out and told you.”

“Yeah.” They both laughed.

January 2020

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Vaughny: All-star is looking qwhite white this year….

Vaughny: Hollander being our rep is… hmmm….

Vaughny: But nooooo, there isn’t a race issue in the league.

Boodram: Crowell could go suck he modda…. I hate him so much.

J.J: That makes me and you both, mon frère.

Vaughny: Oh no, our designated Black is having an off year but that’s okay we have half-Asian Shane Hollander. He will represent the colored people! It’s a miracle that he is even that great. Wow! Diversity.

Vaughny: Stupid Bitches.

J.J: That’s how they’ve been sounding since 2009. It’s been 11 years. They need to get a fucking grip.

Boodram: It makes me so uncomfortable.

Shane: same here.

Shane: Also, most of these white guys are boring as hell.

Shane: At least I got Rozanov to tell me dumb shit.

Boodram: 👀

Vaughny: 👀

J.J: Tell Rozanov not to be too friendly now!

April 2020

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: Oh, I see a lot of typing is happening.

Vaughny: Sigh… good game….

J.J: C’est nul de perdre.

J.J: Can’t relate HAAAAAAAAAAA

Shane: tell Hunter the dinosaurs are looking for their pack leader.

J.J: PAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAA

J.J: Hot man gotta comfort dinosaur tonight. Poor Hot man.

Boodram: LOOOL. Allyuh being real mean today.

Shane: I mean I too would be sad if I got eliminated and is a dinosaur.

Shane: :(

Shane: now I feel bad.

Shane: Actually no. I won.

J.J: HAHAHAA. I love you capitaine!

Vaughny: You know, you can be an asshole, Hollander.

Shane: :)

May 2020

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: I know the MTL guys are on a generational run, but can someone (preferably Hollander), explain to me why my captain is getting a tattoo of a loon?

Vaughny: He is so random 😂

J.J: ???? Like the birds that in the forest.

Vaughny: There are so many birds in the forest J.J.

Vaughny: [sends picture of loon]

Vaughny: okay, those eyes are scary, but also…feels like Rozy. I support.

Boodram: It’s giving “O, Canada” headass.

Shane: I’m sorry, he is doing what?

Boodram: Oh… you didn’t know? 👀

Shane: No….

Vaughny: 👀 oh.

Boodram: Hmmmm

J.J:  Here goes that Bood hmm again.

June 2020

Boodram: Congratulations Boys!!

Vaughny: The cup, once again stays in the best conference. Congratulations!

J.J: CONN SMYTHE FOR CAPTAINE. FINALLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Boodram: this mf drunk as hell.

J.J: CHAMPIONS CHAMPIONS  CHAMPIONS

Vaughny: and is. The French incoming..

J.J: ON A GANGÉ. ON A ENFIN GANGÉ CE TRUC. LA COUPE EST À LA MAISON. DANS SA PLACE LÉGITIME. (We won. We won this shit. The cup is home. In its rightful home.)

Vaughny: and there it is.

Boodram: at this rate, I might be more fluent in French than English.

J.J: NOUS AVONS CONSTRUIT CECI, BRIQUE PAR BRIQUE, PAR BRIQUE, PAR BRIQUE! (We built this, brick by brick by brick by brick, by brick.)

J.J: Mwen se yon gayan!

Shane: Thanks guys!

Shane: Also.. must suck being a loser. Cannot relate : )

J.J: THREE CUPS. THREE CUPS. SOME PEOPLE DON’T HAVE ONE.

Boodram: Okay… damn…

Vaughny: 😂😭 catch up Bood!

Boodram: I’m trying!

Shane: try harder!

July 2020

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Shane: And of course that’s all they say. Lol.

Boodram: This league is the worse man. It also sucks that so many guys in the locker rooms across the league agree with this shit.

Vaughny: Look. I told them straight up. You can’t have a problem with Black people and then want to buddy up with me. I know I’m from North Dakota, but I’m no coon!

Boodram: Yeah nah.. Rozy killed any type of those behaviors a long time ago.

Boodram: He said y’all want to meet Drake but don’t know why you can’t sing the N-word. And then proceeded to say Kendrick is better and that’s why he ended everyone on the control verse.

Vaughny: Rozanov is a character. 😂

Shane: Yes.

Boodram: Yes.

Boodram: But yeah. I feel like, idk civil unrest in America should be an important topic. Seeing why the unrest is happening.

J.J: Don’t get me started on the league. Those bourik.

J.J: Like what’s so difficult about making meaningful change?

J.J: Oh wait, it means they have to stop being racist. My bad.

Shane: I just got off the phone with my mom. League is not making any statement that would upset investors. I am putting out a statement though. This is unnecessary.

Boodram: and while you at it, tell dem jokey muddaskunts da you tired being their pawn! Strups.

Vaughny: I second that.

J.J: third!

Shane: Oh I will.

Statement from Shane Hollander, Captain of the Montreal Voyagers.

In light of the recent protests happening across North America, and globally, I am here standing in solidarity as people fight for their rights. While this experience does that pertains to me personally, I am both sympathetic to the issues that Black people face. I am also extremely disappointed in the MHL for the lack of support on this issue, ignoring the Black players across the league. I’ve included their call to action below I will continue to support and uplift our Black and minority communities through the work of the Irina Foundation as we make a better space for all, and ensure our mental health continues to improve. Lastly, I want to distance myself from any inclusion propaganda the league might push using my name, image or likeness, as I am tired of being the face of diversity when no work is being done behind closed doors.

Take care of yourself and continue being the change.

In Solidarity.

Shane Hollander - #24 MTL Voyagers.

July 2020

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Shane: Please come for J.J.

Shane: [sends picture of J.J skating around with the students and the cup]

Vaughny: That is actually very adorable. I am jealous.

Boodram: Same.

Vaughny: How is camp going?

Shane: Great. Even though the players are stressing me out more than the children.

J.J: NOT ME. I am so great to you capitaine!

J.J: Now… Roz… y’all are an old married couple.

Shane: what, no we’re not.

J.J: I literally just heard you tell him to stop skating to make sure he is hydrated.

J.J: it’s either you’re his mother, or his wife. And with the smirk he gives you, mother would be weird.

Shane: whatever. Hydration is important. Are you hydrated?

J.J: yes capitaine!

Boodram: the way I just drank half a bottle of water in fear.

Vaughny: same. And I’m not even there.

Boordam: Hollzy terrifies me.

J.J: very strict. Lovable. But strict.

Boodram: that’s what Roz likes.

Shane: Huh?

J.J: Huh?

Vaughny: Huh? 👀

Boodram: Huh?

Shane: 🙄

October 2020

Vaughny

Zane: We just finished playing against MTL.

Zane: Ilya isn’t coming back to Ottawa with us.

Vaughny: The napkin is manifesting right in front of our eyes.

Vaughny: This is great. 😂

Zane: I am telling you. Roz needs it anyways. He has not been in the best mood.

November 2020

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: Barrett is a great player and not that much of an asshole. But he needs to get his shit together. I am so over it.

Shane: What’s the issue? Rozy has been a little stressed with him too.

Boodram: Man, I don’t know what the hell happened in Toronto besides the Kent situation, but coming to the game drunk as fuck is unacceptable and dangerous. I don’t get it man.

Vaughny: Yeah, that’s dangerous as fuck.

Vaughny: How has talking to him been going?

Boodram: He is closer with Roz, which makes sense, but sometimes he is just mumbling to the both of us. I’m going to calm down and go to his room and tell him to get his shit together. We are already a pity parade. We don’t need more.

Shane: agreed.

Shane: and make sure someone keeps an eye on him.

J.J: Yes. He is obviously going through a lot.

J.J: and I want to reiterate that Kent belongs under the jail cell. Sickening human being.

Vaughny: !!!!!

Shane: In total agreement there.

Shane: cut off his dick while we are at it.

Boodram: Yeah. He needs to be beaten the fuck up.

Boodram: But thanks guys. As always.

February 2021

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Vaughny: Maybe the demons Barrett was fighting in November was the closet he was locked in.

J.J: 🤣🤣

J.J: I love that for him thought. I gave my support on the socials.

Vaughny: Same! Scott needed some company though.

Boodram: I feel my team is just gay as hell and I love it. And we are winning? Who are we??

J.J: Crowell has to be losing his shit. It’s one thing for old Scott Hunter, but young and spunky Troy Barrett?

Boordam: He is throwing up, crying, sliding down the walls, asking God why the gays are is in his league.

Boodram: Hope he stub his toe every fucking day.

Vaughny: CORRECT. I love this. Now we have two out players. I wonder who is next.

Shane: a third one might be closer than you think.

Boodram: what does that supposed to mean Shane Hollander?

Vaughny: Yeah, I don’t like when you start speaking in proverbs.

J.J: 😂😂😂

Boodram: 👀 Shane. Hollander. What are you saying?

Vaughny: J.J is just laughing… he knows something.

J.J: 😂 🤷🏽‍♂️

Shane: Yes :)

Boodram: wait….

Vaughny: so number three is going to be……

Shane: Think about it.

Shane: Scott told me he saw y’all drawing a napkin a while back and my name was on it. .

Boodram: THE NAPKIN 😮

Vaughny: The napkinnnnnn… oh shit Bood. The napkin.

March 2021

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: Holy shit.

Boodram: Hollander, are you okay man? I am so sorry. This shit should’ve never happened to you.

Vaughny: Fuck…. Hollander, just check in with us when you can.

Vaughny: Please.

Vaughny: This is not good. Not good at all.

Boodram: I hope MTL got his back…. We obviously rallying around Roz.

Vaughny: That’s great. I hope they support him indeed.

J.J: Hey guys, just spoke to Shane. He is not doing the best, but he has Roz. So we’re going to be alright.

Boodram: Also…. Whoever is this Brad dude… I’m going to pay him a visit.

April 2021

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: Is everything okay? MTL locker room sounded like hell.

Vaughny: I have a bad feeling it’s because Hollzy tripped.

Boodram: That’s a dumb reason! If they are blaming him for the lost when they didn’t do shit all day, I will personally go over there and box in dem muddaskunt. One by one.

Vaughny: I would catch a flight and support you. Because that would be bullshit.

Shane: Hey guys. Sorry for the radio silence.
Shane: Yeah. Vaughny is right.

Shane: it’s dumb. But Hayden and J.J, had my back.

Shane: all of this sucks. I am tired.

J.J: none of this is your fault capitaine! They are all stupid. I hate them!

Vaughny: Did you say something J.J.?

J.J: Damn right I did! I told them

J.J: Yo pa gen dwa fache. Nou tout se yon bann moun initil. Twa tas. Li ban nou twa tas epi nou fache poutèt yon vwayaj. Nou pa fè anyen lòt ke salop ak salop. Nou pa bon nan antrennman. Nou pa bon pandan match. Men, toudenkou Shane Hollander ap gaspiye match yo. Bann sòt.

Boodram: Oh…

Boodram: Oh the google translation. 😂 you’re the best J.J

Boodram: [sent screenshot of the following: They have no business being upset. You are all useless fuckers. Three cups. He has given us three cups and you're upset over a trip. You do nothing but bitch and bitch. Suck at practice. Suck during games. But all of a sudden Shane Hollander is throwing away games. Dumb bitches.]

Shane: I knew it was bad but. 😂 I appreciate it a lot J.J. I really do.

Vaughny: I’m adding salop to my vocabulary.

Boodram: Same!

J.J: I will always have your back capitaine! Always.

May 2021

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Vaughny: Hollzy! Happy Birthday man! The big 3 0.

Boodram: Yessii. Birthday Blessings! Hope today is great.

J.J.: Joyuex anniversaire capitaine! 

Shane: Thank you guys!

Shane: 30 feels different. Back felt stiff this morning.

Boodram: Are you sure that’s old age, or Roz rocking your shit? Because..

Shane:  Bood!

Boodram: I’m just saying. Since y’all got outed, he kept talking about he can’t wait and see his very hot husband. So….

Vaughny: Sounds like a Rozanov thing to say.

J.J: No foreal.

Shane: It really does.

Vaughny: Okay, things have calmed down a little bit and I have an important question.

Shane: was it on the napkin?

Boodram: I still have it by the way.  

J.J: Frame it.

Vaughny: How the hell did you lock down Ilya Rozanov?

Vaughny: and yes, frame the napkin. That’s history.

Shane: I just got it like that.

Boodram: You know what?

Boodram: You do. Rose Landry, Ilya Rozanov.

J.J: Apparently Jackie wanted Shane first, but he ignored her.

Vauhgny: LMAAOOOOOOOOO

Vaughny: Hottest man in the league for a reason. I get it. Who doesn’t want Shane Hollander.

Shane: Here we go again.

Boodram: Right? He is hot. Got real estate. Hot. Polite. Hot. Three Cups. Hot.

J.J: I think you forgot to mention that he is hot.

Boodram: You’re right. HE IS HOT.

Shane: This is Rozanov. I know where you live Boodram. Stop flirting with my husband.

Vaughny: 🤣  Rozy will kill us.

Shane: yes. I will.

July 2021

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

J.J: In 3…2….1…

Boodram: I HAVE BEEN BLESSED TO NOT ONLY HAVE IYLA ROZANOV ON MY TEAM BUT THE GREAT, THE ILLUSTRIOUS, THE ONE AND ONLY SHANE HOLLANDER.

Boodram: I HAVE THE BEST LIFE IN THE WOLRD. I WILL NEVER LOSE. ONLY WIN.

Boodram: WHO JAH BLESS. NO MAN CAN CURSEEEEEEEE

Boodram:  I CAN SEE IT. I CAN SEE IT. CUPS, SO MANY CUPS.

Vaughny: 😂

Boodram: THERE IS NO GREATER. NO ONE GREATER THAN YOU.

Boodram: I love this life and my team of super gays.

J.J: 🙄 just take care of my capitaine.

Boodram: your jealously is homophobic!

J.J: You’re stealing my man!

Boodram: Am I stealing him, or did he left!!!

Vaughny: Ohhhhhhhhhhh

J.J: Whatever! Idc

J.J: (I care a lot. I cried when he told us. And I understand because Montreal sucks).

Vaughny: It’s okay buddy. You can leave soon.

Boodram: Imagine fumbling Shane Hollander.  Ilya Rozanov and I can’t relate.

Shane: 😂 please stop before Ilya threatens you again.

 Shane: But also… Fuck Montreal

Vaughny: Fuck Montreal!

Boodram: Fuck Montreal!

J.J: Fuck Montreal!

July 2021

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: I love them with all my heart, mind and soul. But why are there no chairs?

Vaughny: I’m saying.

J.J: I don’t know where to be annoyed and swooned by the fact there are no chairs. Like this is so on brand for them.

Boodram: Put on my good suit, to stand. Good thing they are beautiful.

Vaughny: They are so in love. I might be sick.

J.J: I think I’m crying. Okay I am crying. Love is beautiful.

Boodram: We are all crying J.J.

Vaughny: Out of all Rihanna songs???

Boodram: Harris man… these gays stress me out.

J.J: Diamond??? I bet you capitaine doesn’t even know that song.

Vaughny: He for sure doesn’t

J.J: SMH. This wedding. No chairs, now Diamond as the first dance.

Boodram: Should’ve played a Kompa song. Something like Bang Bang by Carimi.

J.J: Bood… that song is about American Imperialism in Ayiti. 😭

Boodram: Oh……… okay but we don’t know the words and it’s nice to dance to.

Vaughny: 😂

April 2024

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Shane: Ilya asked if you guys listened to Cowboy Carter as yet.

Vaughny: 🤠 ofc. The ALBUM IS ABOUT ME.

Boodram: Just because your name is Carter and you’re from behind God’s back of North Dakota does not mean Beyoncé made an album about you.

Boodram: It’s been on repeat in my house since it dropped. Yes.

J.J: Love love love the album. She is soo good.

Shane: I like her as an artist yes. But I haven’t gotten to listen as yet.

Shane: Ilya is obsessed though.

Vaughny: Does he have a favorite song yet? Mine is Ya Ya.

Boodram: I particularly love My Rose. Reminds me of my baby.

J.J: 16 Carriages.

Boodram: Is everything alright J.J? 👀

J.J: Oh, I can’t like emotional music????

Vaughny: 😂

Shane: Ilya said his favourite song is Tyrant because it reminds him of me.

Shane: But… a tyrant is a bad thing.. no?

Vaughny: LOOOOOOL Never Change Rozy.

J.J: You know what…. That sounds about right.

Boodram: I have tears in my eyes for how hard I am laughing right now. 🤣

Boodram: Hollzy. Look up the lyrics.

Shane: Okay.

J.J: Roz man 🤣

Boodram: He lives to stress Hollander out man.

Vaughny:  Freak4Freak  

Shane: the lyrics…

Shane: Oh.

Shane: I see.

Boodram: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

Boordram: Roz love the way you ride it 🤭

J.J: AND DO!

Vaughny: At least the beat drop is immaculate.

Shane: Shut up!!!

Chapter End Notes

Was not making J.J turn on Shane in the locker room. Nerp Solidarity Alwayssss.
- It’s cannon that Ilya is a Kendrick fan. Sorry, not sorry
- Zane and Carter figuring this out on a napkin had me wheezing. I love my brain sometimes.
- Originally wanted to stop at 2021, however the idea of Ilya singing Tyrant to Shane came to my brain while I was taking a shower and I said… I need to include this.
- Thanks for reading, and looking forward to writing more HR fics. In the meantime, you can read from my other fandom.

 

Translations:
Zanmi (Creole); Amis (French) - friends
ale souse yon dick - go suck a dick
Tu n’en said rein - you don’t know
Voues êtes vraiment curieux - y’all are nosey
Félicitations - congratulations
Mon frère - my brother
C’est nul de perdre - it sucks to lose
bourik - asses
Salop - bitch

Chapter 2: And the Queen Arrives

Chapter Summary

August 2021

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: Hollzy and I are going to add someone to the chat and Roz is currently throwing a fit.

Shane: 🙄

Shane: He will be fine.

Vaughny: 👀👀

Vaughny: who are we adding?? Why would Roz care?

 

or
a new member joins the group

Chapter Notes

Firstly……
What di actual fuck lmao? I did not expect this fic to blow up. Thank you thank you for your kind words in the comments, the kudos and everything in between. Big hug for everybody!!!!

- Part two because it was nagging me in my sleep.
- This does set the scene for the world building I want to do based on this fic. So pay attention.
- As stated in the first chapter, Boodram will be using Trinidadian dialect, and J.J. will switch between English, creole and French. Translations at the end.
- Finished writing this at work because my job is useless most of the time. Idk man.
- Have fun, laugh, cry, idk man.

August 2021

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: Hollzy and I are going to add someone to the chat and Roz is currently throwing a fit.

Shane: 🙄

Shane: He will be fine.

Vaughny: 👀👀

Vaughny: who are we adding?? Why would Roz care?

Shane: Svetlana.

Vaughny: VETROVA???? As in Sergei Vetrov’s daughter???????

Boodram: That’s the one 😂. She is Roz’s best friend. Cool people and she want to join the chat.

Vaughny: Well shit, I don’t see why not?? I believe she fits the criteria, POC and hot.

Shane: that’s been the criteria all along??

Vaughny: maybe, or maybe I just made that up. Who knows…

Boodram: Well, Roz is currently yelling  “first they call my husband hot, now my best friend? Why is no one calling me hot?”

Boodram: He is not taking this well.

Vaughny: 😂 It’s okay Roz, you’re hot too.

Boodram: He is now asking if that’s enough for him to join the chat.

Boodram: He is now arguing with Hollzy on how he doesn’t meet the criteria because he is white.

Boodram: Svetlana is also here by the way. She is now telling Roz that he is not just white, he is super white.

Boodram: “Okay but Shane doesn’t know any pop culture”

Boodram: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Boodram: Hollzy just said that doesn’t mean Roz isn’t whiter than Russian and Canadian winters combined. 

Vaughny: 🤣🤣 oh Hollzy. A true comedian.

Shane: Ilya is still ranting.

Shane: I’ll deal with him later.

Vaughny: I’m afraid to ask how….

[Shane adds Svetlana to the group chat]

J.J: Amis! I saw her name. Svetlana is FIONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…..

Svetlana: Well thank you Boiziau ☺️.

J.J: Oh.

Boodram: 😭😭😭

Vaughny: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

Shane: this is going to be great.

Shane: Welcome Svet! 

Svetlana: Thanks Shane!!! I’m excited.

October 2021

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: As this season opens tonight, I just want to remind everyone near and far that Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov, the First Husbands of Hockey, is on my team. Not yours. Wish everyone the okayest of luck this season 😘.

J.J: Here he goes again…..

J.J: you sure know how to kick a man that’s already down huh.

Vaughny: Bood will never bring down my spirit. We have a championship caliber squad. We just got a really good back up goalie, and ofc, the great Scott Hunter.

Shane: Is he the great Scott Hunter, like he how we talk about Alexander the Great?

Shane: was good but dead? Or?

Svetlana: HAAAAAAAAA. Good one Shane.

J.J.: 😭 capitaine, please…

Boodram: LOOOOOOL. 

Vaughny: ……. Hollander. Roz is rubbing off on you too much.

Shane: I would remove the word off.

Boodram: Here comes Freak4Freak Hollander. Lmaoo

J.J: Capitiane, it’s okay…we don’t need to know more.

Vaughny: please spare us.

Svetlana: Actually…. I want to know more. Shane tell us.

Vaughny: SVETLANA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Boodram: Abeg, Abeg. No. I don’t have enough dettol to wash out my eyes.

J.J.: Not the dettol???? Bood, s’il vous plait..

Shane: Dettol?

Boodram: [sends picture of the antiseptic liquid in the yellow-green bottle]

Shane: 😮

Vaughny: Oh my lmaooo  

Vaughny: what if your hotel room is right next to theirs on the road?

Svetlana: Better have noise cancelling headphones. They are loud.

Shane: no we’re not?

Svetlana: mhhhhhm. I stayed in the guest room the furthest away and still heard every moan and grunt. I know what you are Shane.

Shane: okay, I can explain myself…

J.J.: Actually… no need!

Boodram: [sends link to chlorine by twenty one pilots]

J.J.: Me after playing without Shane for the first time in my life….

Shane: Bood, what is this sad ass song?? This is not you.

Vaughny: RIGHT??

Bood: Young and Bergy put me on this the other day. Allyuh know the children be moody.

Shane: well then.

Shane: either way. I am very excited for this season.

Shane: Svet! I know you have a deep analysis you want to share.

Svetlana: Ugh. I love you.

Svetlana: You sure you want to be married to Ilya? 

  Shane: Svet! Yes and I am gay!!

Svetlana: men don’t deserve you 😔

Boodram: I agree…

J.J.: Seconded.

Shane: ?????

Shane: And if I tell Roz y’all said this..

Vaughny: Please don’t. I don’t want to get checked so early in the season.

Svetlana: My outlook for the season. I believe than the Centaurs have what it takes to win it all, however it wouldn’t be so easy from the start. I will not say what the lines will be since there is competition in the chat, however, learning how to play with both Rozanov and Hollander will be a huge gap to conquer for the rest of the team. I believe the season would start off slow for them but can be rectified through cohesion and figuring out the right lines. Will Hollander play Center in the second line? Will he be on the left wing? Guess we have to watch and see.

Svetlana:  MTL biggest issue is that they have to figure out the Shane Hollander size hole in their lineup. It would hit them the most on the offense. The games however wouldn’t be disastrous shut outs as the defense is pretty solid. If Boiziau can keep playing at the elite defensive level, the team would just have to focus on scoring, which would be difficult as many teams in the eastern conference has made a strong effort to ramp up their defense to solve the Hollander– Rozanov problem in Ottawa.

Svetlana: New York on the other hand, is solid on the offense. While I don’t expect smoothie boy to give Scott his 2017 powers, I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t continue to be an offensive juggernaut with Vaughn on his right. However, there are a lot of questions about its defense as they were not too successful in addressing the Hollander – Rozanov problem.

Svetlana: that’s just my brief insights. Feel free to ask more questions. ☺️

J.J.: Where have you been all of our life? This is great. 😭

Boodram: No honestly, truly appreciate this Svet!

Vaughny: Same here. I am also worried about our defense. But I believe in us and our captain.

Vaughny: Hollander.. don’t start.

Shane: I haven’t said anything!
Shane: Thanks Svet. Sucks to those that have the Hollander - Rozanov problem though.

Vaughny: 🙄

December 2021

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

J.J.: I might sound ungrateful because we are not terrible but…

J.J.: Mwen rayi I  isit la.

J.J.: This locker room sucks and Hayd could only do so much. I understand why you left capitaine, but man I miss you.

Boodram: aww man. I’m sorry J.J. Maybe you’ll be able to get out soon?

J.J.: only if they trade me, and I don’t really have any leeway to ask for a trade right now… sigh.

J.J.: Also, they might send me to the devil’s nest (Toronto).

Boodram: ohhh hell nah.

Vaughny: YUCK

Svetlana: I rebuke that!

Shane: 🤮

J.J.: Exactly.

J.J.: Like I am very grateful for Hayd and this chat. I feel I’ve been cussing people out every day since training camp.

Vaughny: oof, that sucks for team morale. I am sorry J.J. You know we will always have your back.

Boodram: for real. Like, let me know which muddaskunt to check extra hard. Let’s shake some things up!

Shane: if they aren’t too busy trying to kill me or Roz.

Shane: I am so sorry J.J. All of this sucks. I wish they weren’t such

Boodram: Bitches. Dutty stinking bitches that should go and suck out dem modda.

Shane: well, thanks Bood. I wasn’t going to say it that colourful. 😭

Boodram: You’re welcome Hollzy ☺️

Vaughny: Bood 😂

J.J.: I needed that laugh. Bood you’re the best. 😂

Svetlana: You need me to make a call J.J.? I know some people.

Shane: Svet, you can’t tap into the scary Russian mobster stereotype.

Svetlana: and why not?? J.J has a problem. I’ll get someone to fix it. :)

Boodram: Oh…

Shane: Vetrova.

Svetlana: Hollander.

Svetlana: What are they even saying in the locker room?  

Vaughny: Svetlana scares me sometimes…  

J.J.: Same…

J.J.: They are just being more racist than they ever been and extremely homophobic.

J.J.: I had to box off Comeu twice for saying that I was sucking capitaine dick.

J.J.: Like even if I wanted to… Rozanov would’ve killed me. So???

Shane: ????????

Vaughny: true

Boodram: very very true.

Shane: ??????

Svetlana: is that enough information for me to make a call Hollander?

Shane: fine.

Shane: just, no blood.

Svetlana: No promises.

Shane: sigh.

January 2022

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

J.J.: Great game Vaughny! Loved the post-game interview.

Shane: I’ve known you for over a decade. Since when you willingly watch a post-game interview?

J.J.: uhh…. Since always? I need to be informed capitaine!

Shane: you never watched mine??

Boodram: Well Hollzy, you’re post-game is pretty predictable.

Shane: Not it’s not!

Svetlana: “Well, we just went out there and do what we do best, which is play hockey. I am thankful for Ily – Rozanov for being a great captain. The rookies are also getting better.”

Shane: Okay! And that’s what needs to be said.

Boodram: exactly my point. 😂

Shane: whatever.

Shane: still does not negate the fact that J.J. is watching post-game!

J.J.: wow, can I not support my friends?

J.J.: foule difficile

Boodram: We never said that!

Boodram: this is just new behavior to us. That’s all.

Svetlana: Just listened to the post-game… it was regular?

Svetlana: Am I missing something?

J.J.: Don’t be a hater Svet!

J.J.: it was great. He was nervous and did a great job.

Svetlana: Hmmm….

Shane: okay then.

Boodram: Hmm….

Vaughny: Hey guys!

Vaughny: also, thanks J.J. I appreciate it a lot 😁🫶🏼

Svetlana: Heart emoji…. Lightskin heart emoji….

Boodram: 👀👀

J.J.: I also really like your suit tonight. The navy compliments your skin well.

Shane: ???????

Boodram: 👀👀

Vaughny: Thank you 🥹. I bet this color would look good on you too.

Shane: ????

Boodram: Hmmmm

Svetlana: lightskin heart emoji… colour complimenting skin… this is…. Something…

February 2022

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: ABOUT A MONTH AGO

Boodram: I SENT YOU A DM

Shane: umm? I always answer your messages, Bood.

Boodram: ABOUT A MONTH AGO

Boodram: I SHOOT MY SHOT

Shane: what? Cassie knows what’s happening here?

Vaughny: 😂😂

J.J.: LOOL Capitaine.

Boodram: AND YOU IGNORED ME

Shane: Y’all ignoring Bood? I don’t ignore Bood.

Svetlana: Shane Hollander, I love you. Lmaoo.

Boodram: VALENTINE IS COMING

Boodram: WHERE IS YOUR BOYFRIEND

Shane: Well, it’s my husband and he is right next to me.

Boodram: YOU ARE SITTING AT HOME

Boodram: LONELYYYY

Shane: well. No.

Vaughny: The way I am cracking up right now.

Boodram: It’s a song Hollzy

Shane: of course it is.

Shane: Ilya doesn’t know it.

Svetlana: Well.. it was a meme first, and if he knew it, I would be slightly concerned.

Svetlana: Also, ouch…. Bood, I thought we were cool?

Boodram: All love Svet! I know you have a line of partners waiting to give you gifts and flowers.

Svetlana: and money

Vaughny: As they should!

J.J.: Well, this valentine’s day for me going to be cold for me. 😔

Vaughny: It’s okay… I can call you and keep you warm.

Shane: ???????

Svetlana: light skin heart emoji, complimentary colors to skin, keeping warm…

Boodram: hmmmmmmmmmm.

March 2022

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Svetlana: The deadline is today. Are you guys okay?

Shane: No.

Vaughny: No

J.J.: Non

Boodram: my butthole has been clenched all day.

Shane: do you need tips on how to relax it or?

J.J.: 😭😭

Vaughny: LOOOOL

Boodram: No?????

Boodram: I hate gays bro. Why would I?

Boodram: Anyways, I always hate this day. Everything changes.

Vaughny: Scott told me a big change was happening for us, and I really hope so. Our offense can only do so much.

Svetlana: told you.

Svetlana: My sources tell me that Montreal is making moves. I hope you’re ready J.J.

J.J.: I am not.

Shane: If they trade you, it would not be Toronto. Trust me.

Shane: Ilya hired an esty witch to make sure that wouldn’t happen.

Boodram: Strange things happen in the Hollander-Rozanov household.

J.J.: Thanks?????

Svetlana:  A NOTIFICATION!

Boodram: WHAT?????

J.J.: ??????????????

Shane: oh fuck.

J.J.: THEY ARE TRADING HAYD TO SAN JOSE???? THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE.

Shane: we are on the phone with him and Jackie right now. It’s a lot of mixed emotions.

Svetlana: San Jose is good, but Montreal are some fools. You trade your captain for a washed second line man and second round picks? Have some shame.

Vaughny: thats…. Wow.

J.J.: Shame left this organization as soon as they let Shane walked Svet.

Boodram: damn right it did. Foolishness.

J.J.: There is no way I’m staying if they shipped Hayd. No damn way.

Svetlana: yeah you’re next for sure.

Svetlana: ANOTHER NOTIFICATION

Svetlana: черт возьми

Boodram: OH MY GOSHHHH. LETS GOOOOOO

J.J.: 😮

J.J,: My agent is talking to me right now and I am stuck on the words New York.

Vaughny: LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Vaughny: THIS IS SOOOO GREAT. I LOVE THIS. THANK YOU MONTREAL FOR BEING INCOMPETENT.

Svetlana: A three way trade, and they don’t even get the player. Montreal, you are losers.

Svetlana: you would think with being 5^th in the conference they would make choices to be better….

Svetlana: They just letting anyone be GMs.

Shane: told y’all the esty witch wouldn’t send him Toronto.

Vaughny: HOLLZY. I COULD KISS YOU ON YOUR MOUTH.

Shane: This is Rozanov. No you could not kiss him on his mouth.

Svetlana: Go away Ilyusha! Let Carter kiss men on mouths!

Shane: He could kiss any other man! Not mine!

Boodram: I mean… J.J. would be there for that.

Vaughny: Huh???

Shane: I’m back.

Shane: huh??

Svetlana: the wind that makes men to kiss each other is strong today.

April 2022

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Vaughny: It feels like the cup will be in New York this year.

Shane: in your wildest dreams Vaughny.

Shane: the cup will be in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. Its rightful home.

J.J.: I don’t know about that one capitaine! It’s giving New York City!

Boodram: in your wildest dreams.

J.J.: My dreams do get pretty wild 😉

Vaughny: Do share…

Shane: ?????????

Boodram: Oh? Okay.

Svetlana: hmm…

Svetlana: ну тогда, y’all aren’t winning shit if y’all don’t get your shit together.

Svetlana: There was absolutely no reason for both teams’ final games to be that close. I don’t care that you won. Those lapses will translate during the playoffs and if you want to get out of the slaughter fest of an eastern conference, I advise you boys to tighten up!

Svetlana: unless it would be Pike and San Jose winning it all.

Shane: Absolutely not.

Vaughny: over my dead body.

J.J.: degoutan

Boodram: buh you hate us??? Awadiass.

Svetlana: exactly, so buck up losers.

“Why do you look like you just saw a ghost?” Iyla’s voice echoed through the now empty locker room, minus the presence of the A’s, Shane and Zane Boodram. The Centaurs just wrapped up their final practice before the playoffs, a grueling practice with their captain focusing on all their flaws from the season. As exhausting the practice was, Shane was happy with the direction Iyla took as Svetlana text replays in his head.

“Man, Svetlana just threatened us by saying Pike would win the cup of we don’t get our shit together. Allyuh Russians are insane.” Zane spoke up shaking his head. Shane chuckled as he watched Iyla’s face contorted into one of disgust.

“Да. She hates us. Why would she say that.” He complains as he sat next to Shane, leaning his head on his husband’s shoulders.

“It was a good point. I really like when Svet gets analytical on us.” Shane shrugged.

“Because you are both nerds. That’s why.” Iyla retorted, as he played with the ring on Shane’s chain. “But I love both of you, so I have to deal with it. Even if you are in a secret group chat, I can’t be in because I am white.”

“Still salty huh?” Zane laughed.

“Yes, imagine having my husband, and I can’t? This is injustice.” He dramatically said as he threw his hands up in the air. Shane rolled his eyes, with an amused look plastered across his face. Picking up his phone again, he reread the last set of messages, remembering he had to ask Zane a question.

“Okay. Bood, what’s really happening between Vaughny and J.J.” He asked with a big smile across his face.

“So it’s not just me. Don’t worry, Cassie and I are also drawing out a chart.” Zane said shaking his head. Ilya looked between the two men with a raised brow before letting out a small laugh.

“No need to waste anymore napkins Bood. They are fucking.” He said with a shrug.

“What?” Both Shane and Zane yelled at the same time.

“Is it not obvious to you guys? Ugh, I’m really the gay fairy godfather of this league huh.”

“Roz, what are you even talking about?” Zane said as he shook his head. “Wasn’t Vaughny with the actor chick?”

“They broke up a long time ago.” Ilya shrugged again. Shane watched his husband with a raised brow, trying to understand how he knew all this information.

“I know what you’re thinking моя любовь, how in the world do I know all of this. Well, the walls of the kingfisher do talk.”

“Scott is such a gossip.” Shane laughed.

June 2022

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: [sends link to Champion by DJ Bravo]

Boodram: CHAMPION CHAMPION

Boodram: CHAMPION CHAMPION

Boodram: CHAMPION CHAMPION

Boodram: EVERYBODY KNOW SAY BOODRAM A CHAMPION

Boodram: [sends video of him, Lucas Haas, Wyatt Hayes, and Ilya doing the dance]

Svetlana: there is so much happening in this video…

Svetlana: Congratulations on the cup! I am proud of you guys!!!!

Vaughny: yeah congratulations guys!! I am glad it’s with y’all and no one else (wish it was me).

J.J.: AH YES. FELICIATIONS Congrats my brothers!!

Boodram: WEY DE FUCKING RUM?????????

Boodram: WA KES SAY AGAIN?

Boodram: CAUSEEEE I FEEEEEEEEEEL LIKEEEEEEEEE

Boodram: I JUST WIN A MILLION DOLLAHSSSSS

Boodram: this feels great. I feel great. BRB going swallow more champagne.

Vaughny: Swallowing is fun.

Svetlana: ???????????/???/

Svetlana: I mean yes, but ??????????

J.J.: 🤭

Shane: No one look for me until parade day.

Shane: I am going to fuck my husband from sunrise to sunset to sunrise to sunset.

Shane: I will not stop.

Shane: I will have no voice.

Shane: I will be sucking my husband’s dick forever.

Svetlana: well, then.

Svetlana: umm…

Svetlana: wow, I am speechless.

Shane: me when Ilya Grigoryevich Rozanov is finished with me.

Vaughny: oh.

J.J.: oke

June 2022

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Vaughny: sometimes I forget Hollzy and Rose Landry are best friends, because that recent picture had me panicking a little bit.

Boodram: 😂😭

Boodram: Nooo… I get it. But they are so fun together.

Shane: again, why do we insist on saying her full name?

J.J.: Because she is Rose Landry, duh….

Svetlana: I have a confession to make guys…

Boodram: 👀

Vaughny: 👀

J.J.: 👀

Svetlana: I am too like Shane Hollander…. I am a white (wo)man’s whore…. 😔

Shane: wait…

Shane: what??

Boodram: LMAOOOOOOOO YOOOOOW.

J.J.: I am crying right now. Svet! Pleaseeeeeee

Vaughny: This is too funny.

Shane: I am not a white man’s whore?!!

J.J.: Isn’t Iyla a white man?

Shane: yes.

Boodram: exactly Hollzy. Exactly.

Shane: whatever.

Shane: what was the point of saying that?

Shane: Oh, Ilya said you want Rose Landry.

Shane: I can fix that.

Svetlana: wait. Wait wait.

Svetlana: SHANE HOLLANDER. WAIT.

Svetlana: OMG OMG WHAT’S HAPPENING.

Boodram: I think he is tapping into Ilya’s gay fairy dust.

J.J: that can mean so many different things.

Vaughny: 😭

Unknown number to Svetlana

Unknown number: Hey!  This is Rose Landry. Shane gave me your number.

Svetlana: Holy shit.

Svetlana: I mean heyyyy ☺️

Rose 🌹: It’s so finally nice to get to speak to you. I’ve been asking since the wedding.

Svetlana: Oh? Really?

Svetlana: those boys suck, because I too been asking about you since.

Rose 🌹: 😔 they are the worse.

Rose 🌹: but how are you gorgeous?

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Svetlana: SHANE HOLLANDER!

Shane: that’s my name.

Svetlana: slskdksdks. She has been asking about me since the wedding?? And only now I have her number?

Svetlana: there will be a dead Canadian and Russian in Ottawa today.

Shane: firstly, you know I’m oblivious. I just realized that today and worked on it immediately

Shane: Also, Ilya knew. Kill him, not me.

Shane: actually, no don’t kill him. I don’t know how to live without him.

Boodram: awwwwwwww

J.J.: I hate how cute that was.

Svetlana: UGH. Whatever.

Svetlana: Anyways, she called me gorgeous 😆

Svetlana: now I have to lick her pussy.

Vaughny: OH??? I mean….. you know what.

Vaughny: I support you Svet!

July 2022

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Shane: everyone ready to report for camp in a couple days?

Boodram: Yes sir. Spending some time at the lake with the wifey and my child.

Boodram: look how cute we are?

Boodram: [sends family picture on the beach]

Svetlana: 🥹 everyone is so adorable. I love this Bood.

Shane: So beautiful!

Shane: this is the current situation at the cottage.

Shane: [sends selfie on him laying on Ilya’s chest and Anya on his lap]

Svetlana: Awwww. My familyyyyy

Svetlana: [sends picture of Rose sitting across from her at a café]

Svetlana: 🤭

Svetlana: #singlenomore

Boodram: YESSSII.

Boodram: Look at yuh!

Shane: Oh that’s why Rose had an emergency meeting Boston. Hmmmm

Shane: I know what you are Rose Landry!

Svetlana: 😉

Svetlana: She said you can’t call her gay as the captain gay.

Boodram: 😂

Shane: whatever.

J.J.: Amis! Excited for camp. Everyone is cute.

Vaughny: [sends picture of him laying on J.J.’s chest, with his head cut off but showing an identifiable tattoo].

Shane:  I know that tattoo from a mile away.

Shane: Cela appartient à un Québécois d’origine haïtienne.

Svetlana: 😮

Boodram: SHIT FINALLYYYYYYYY

Boodram: Gosh, I was tired of you guys playing with our emotions.

Svetlana: 😮

Shane: same. I thought I was going crazy.

J.J.: I have no clue what you guys are talking about?

Shane: I have your location J.J.

Vaughny: sa se plezi

Boodram: sdkjsfdnskdjsjdd impossible.

Svetlana: damn, this chat gay as hell.

J.J.: 🤷🏽‍♂️

Chapter End Notes

- I am roselena down! Okay!
- I am also a greedy bisexual like Iyla Rozanov, I will make men kiss men and women kiss women and idc! Argue with ya modda, not me.
- Using Boodram as a catalyst of my adhd and having a song for every situation.
- I was introduced to Chlorine by Twenty One Pilots by my freshman year roommate back in 2018…. Idk man, the emotional white people music be hitting.
- Stay tune to the other fics I will eventually post.
- Thanks for reading. Love you guysssssss *huddy’s voice*

Translations:
S’il vous plaít - please
Mwen rayi I ısıt la. - I hate it here.
Foule difficile - tough crowd
черт возьми - holy shit
ну тогда - well then
Degoutan - disgusting
Sa se plezi- this is fun
Cela appartient à un Québécois d'origine haïtienne. - that belongs to a Haitian Quebecois man

Chapter 3: The Chat is BeyHive

Chapter Summary

May 2016

We Dem Boyz

Vaughny: Fellas, please tell me that you guys are Hive?

Shane: Like, the things bees live in?

Boodram: Ahh Hollzy lmao.

Boodram: As in Beyhive… being a stan of Beyoncé

J.J.: Capitaine doesn’t really listen to music. He listens to sounds, if he is listening to something, but I doubt he is.

Or the chat is BeyHive

Chapter Notes

Haiii *bites nail*. I’m back. 
Once again, thank you so much for your support and your comments. I am glad you are enjoying this adventure.
- Wrote this at work (again) because they pissed me off yesterday, so their work isn’t getting done. Ha.
- This is all about the chat being Hive. This starts in 2016 with lemonade, two years into the creation of the chat. If you remembered the ending from the first chapter, just forget it for a bit to read this. Plus Svetlana was added to be in alignment with the previous chapter.
- I love Beyoncé bad bad bad, so this might projecting lmao.
- As always, translations at the end, and I added the list of songs.
- Updated the tags
- Also slight cw/tw around the food conversation in the Beychella section.
- Enjoy my loves

May 2016

We Dem Boyz

Vaughny: Fellas, please tell me that you guys are Hive?

Shane: Like, the things bees live in?

Boodram: Ahh Hollzy lmao.

Boodram: As in Beyhive… being a stan of Beyoncé

J.J.: Capitaine doesn’t really listen to music. He listens to sounds, if he is listening to something, but I doubt he is.

J.J.: However, I am Hive down! I got tidal specifically to listen to Lemonade.

Vaughny: Same!

Boodram: Oh…. I got it from a website where you can download music for free, but it’s been on repeat.

Shane: Isn’t that illegal Bood?

Boodram: yuh thinking too hard about it Hollzy.

Shane: Also, I don’t know if I am a stan, but I enjoy her music from time to time.

Shane: I stumbled on the album. I enjoyed some songs.

Vaughny: Wait… this is a big deal, seeing that you are the Beyoncé of the league!

Shane: I am??

Shane: How??

J.J.: Think about it capitaine! You’re the best, you’re dedicated to your craft, focused

Boodram: and hot!

Shane: Oh...

Shane: I guess.

Shane: I’ve read about her work ethic, and how her father had her former band running on treadmills in heels.

Shane: that’s not safe, but I get it.

Vaughny: you see…. Our Beyoncé

Vaughny: So since we are all on board, what’s everyone favorite song and why?

Boodram: Don’t Hurt Yourself! Omg, the rock elements give me life. I also really like formation.

Boodram: OKAY LADIES NOW LET’S GET IN FORMATION 🗣️

J.J.: 🕺🏽

J.J.: I really love Sorry and Sandcastles.

Boodram: SANDCASTLES?????

Boodram: J.J. yuh good bredda?

Vaughny: J.J…… that’s the saddest song on the album. Like I know the entire album is her processing Jay Z cheating on her (like??? What??) but……

Shane: yeah, that song made me cry.

Shane: do I need to visit you J.J.?

Shane: need a wellness check?

J.J.: Guys, I am fine 😂

J.J.: Just reminded me of my high school girlfriend.

Boodram: Da fuck you was doing in high school??????

Boodram: You a horner man J.J.???

Vaughny: I have so many questions.

Shane: Same….

J.J.: Oh no, I got cheated on.

J.J.: How to say it, I wasn’t

J.J.: intéressant enough.

Vaughny: You’re a whole hockey player with a crazy personality.

Shane: That’s her lost!

Boodram: that’s her problem!

J.J.: 😂 thanks guys.

Vaughny: but yes, my favs are Daddy Lessons. I relate. My father taught me how to shoot 😉 and then Freedom because ✊🏽.

Boodram: BECAUSE I NEED FREEDOM TOOOO.

Shane: Amen.

Shane: I really like Hold Up.

Boodram: 👀

Boodram: where she sings “what a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you”?

Boodram: where she yells…. What’s worse looking jealous or crazy?????  

J.J.: And I need the intervention????

Shane: It’s relatable.

Vaughny: Hollzy…

May 2019

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

J.J.: Capitaine and I just finished watching Beychella.

Boodram: FINALLY

Boodram: I’ve been itching to talk about it.

Vaughny: As someone who did not go to a HBCU school, the theme still touched me. I don’t know, I love being Black.

J.J.: Same

Boodram: Same

J.J.: Capitaine is here researching the histories of HBCUs now. He is engrossed.

J.J.: CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE RENDITION OF I CARE???

J.J: CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE DRUM BAND???? I used to be a drummer at my church growing up.

Vaughny: you, in a church? And it didn’t burn down???

J.J.: Pati!

Vaughny: 😂😂

Boodram: I just want to know why J.J. loves all these emotional ass songs.

Boodram: But she killed I Care though. I cried.

Boodram: don’t tell Cassie that though. I was denying that.

Vaughny: correct.

Vaughny: literally the best documentary I’ve ever watched. It was so powerful and her work ethic. Whew!

Shane: J.J. told me I need to pay attention. I am here.

Shane: I truly loved it.

Shane: And the piece about her diet was extremely relatable.

Boodram: Hollzy, she was basically eating air.

Boodram: Please tell me you eat more than that.

Shane: 😀

Shane: moving on.

Vaughny: Shane Hollander.
Vaughny: Next time I am seeing you, I’m shoving a burger down your throat.

J.J.: Kinky

Shane: ????????

Boodram: freaks in here

Boodram: personally, loved when DC3 came out.

Boodram: I can live between Kelly, Michelle and Beyoncé for the rest of my lives.

Boodram: I can be the soldier they need!

Vaughny: so you carry big things?

Boodram: 😉

Shane: Cassie knows you’re trying to give big things to these women?

J.J.: LMAOOOOOOO

Boodram: if you don’t think Cassie would kill me to be with them, you’re mistaken.

Vaughny: And she is right!

Shane: 😂

Shane: Also, is it bad this documentary is the first time I heard a Destiny’s Child song?

Vaughny: what the fuck… yes???

Boodram: Hollzy, doh piss me off.

J.J.: I am in disbelief.

J.J.: you don’t have to know the deep cuts, but you’re telling me, you don’t know say my name?

J.J.: SAY MY NAME, SAY MY NAMEEE??

Boodram: this is stressing me out.

Boodram: did you know that this irteration of them isn’t the first?  This is just the most iconic.

Boodram: THAT MEANS YOU DON’T KNOW THE GREATNESS THAT’S JUMPIN’ JUMPIN’

Shane: I do not.

Shane: Also, J.J. is singing say name completely off key.

Boodram: You don’t know

Boodram: LADIES LEAVE YOUR MAN ALONE THE CLUB IS FULL OF BALLERS AND THEIR POCKETS ARE FULL GROWN????

Boodram: I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS.

Vaughny: I think Hollzy broke Bood.

Boodram: AGAIN THE HITS

Boodram: YOU DON’T KNOW I’M A SURVIOR, I’LL NEVER GIVE UP??

Boodram: CAN YOU PAY MY TELEPHONE BILLS

Vaughny: CAN YOU PAY MY AUTOMO BILLS ???

Booddram: IF YOU DID, THEN MAYBE WE COULD CHILL???

Vaughny: I DON’T THINK YOU DO – SO, YOU AND ME ARE THROUGH.

Boodram: DON’T KNOW THAT DESTINY’S CHILD?????

Shane: okay okay, you don’t need to yell

Shane: J.J. said I should listen to No, No, No Part 2 first.

Shane: why not Part 1 first.

Shane: should it not be in order.

Boodram: No, he is right! Do it!

Boodram: I think you’ll like Pt1 better, but you gotta listen to what had the young people turnt.

Vaughny: Agreed ^^^

Shane: Okay.

Shane: Any other songs to be introduced to?

Boodram: Independent Woman Pt 1 (this was for Charlie’s Angels), Cater 2 U,  Lose My Breath, Girl, Bootylicious, Independent Woman Pt 2, Confessions.

Vaughny: Survivor, Say My Name. Any song that comes up tbh.

Shane: wow, they sure do like a part 2.

J.J.: this is going to be fun.

August 2022

4 Your Colored) Eyez Only

Svetlana: Beyoncé made this album for us personally.

Shane: Are you talking about Renaissance?

Shane: And how?

Svetlana: It’s gay as fuck.

Svetlana: the only straight person in here is Bood, and even then I question it.

Shane: honestly… same.

Boodram: HEY! I am just a great ally, and secure in my masculinity ☺️

Boodram: ALSO I LOVE THIS ALBUM IT’S SOOOOOO GOOD.

Vaughny: y’all know the drill, favorite song, why and we going to critique why.  Let’s go!

J.J.: Church Girl – relate to the whole being raised in the church situation, but I still want to be outside.

Vaughny: Also, y’all should him drop it like a thotty 🤭 it’s hot.

Svetlana: that’s what y’all be doing???

Svetlana: Дай посмотреть 👀

Vaughny: No! lmao

Boodram: at least you tried Svet.

Shane: Svet always trying to see men being intimate.

Shane: sounds like a kink to me.

Svetlana: whatever Shane 🙄

J.J: Plastic Off the Sofa because well… @Vaughny ☺️

Boodram: wait awwwwwwwwwww

Svetlana: please, don’t make cry

Shane: I think I shed a tear.

Vaughny: 🥺 aww cheri.

J.J.: anyways y’all getting too sappy lool.

J.J.: And cozy, because I’m truly becoming more comfortable in who I am.

Shane: why is this being sweeter than I imagined.

Shane: Ilya is currently watching me very concerned.

Svetlana: tell him to mind his business!

Boodram: yeah my heart is filled with love. Beautiful

Vaughny: J.J. is here blushing hard lmaoo

J.J.: Je ne rougis pas!

J.J.: 😠

Vaughny: mhhm, whatever you say cheri,

Vaughny: my songs are America Has A Problem because, if you can look around and see, America indeed has a problem. Many of them actually, and also it’s such a good dance song. It inspires me to do a line and dance like I’m on the soul train line.

Shane: wait..

Boodram: No, I get it. I feel to buss a move.

Shane: hello?

Svetlana: I mean if you need, I got plugs.

Shane: Svetlana????!!

Svetlana: Shane??????

Vaughny: I don’t need a plug. But thanks 😂 If I ever need one, I’ll hit you up.

Shane: No?????? No cocaine.

Svetlana: everyone Boo Shane.

J.J.: Boooooooooo

J.J.: (please note, I do not want to participate in that)

Boodram: Booooooooooooo

Boodram: (same)

Svetlana: Y’all are useless

Shane: I think my blood pressure just went up.

Vaughny: well moving on, my second fav is Heated.

Vaughny: especially the ending, and when she says “Monday I’m overrated, Tuesda.  on my dick.” Speaks to me.

Shane: Ilya keeps yelling that.

Shane: and I get it, but he yelled it at the supermarket once.

Shane: sigh. That’s my husband.

J.J.: and you gotta stick beside him

Boodram: 😂

Svetlana: You insisted on marrying him. We can’t save you.

Shane: I don’t want to be saved.

Vaughny: Amen Hollzy

Svetlana: MY TURN

Svetlana: I’m That Girl, because…… I am that girl… no questions asked.

 Boodram: and you’re correct.

J.J.: Period.

Vaughny: exactly!

Shane: the baddest out there

Shane: Ilya told me to say that.

Svetlana: 😂 oh Ilyusha

Svetlana: Alien Superstar, because I am one of one, the only one.

Svetlana: I’m category bad bitch. I am the bar.

Shane: I agree.

Shane: the baddest

Shane: Ilya didn’t have to tell me to say that this time.

Boodram: Hollzy 😭

Vaughny: He cracks me up every time.

J.J.: and when the people realize he is a comédien, then what?

Svetlana: lmaooo I love you Shane Hollander.

Shane: I love you too Svetlana Vetrova!

Svetlana: and then, Move, idk, I just feel it in my spirit.

Svetlana: Maybe my ancestors talking to me through it.

Vaughny: that explains it sooooo muchhhhhh

Boodram: I agree.

Shane: Move out the way!

Shane: ima sing that when I skate by a defender this season.

Boodram: 🤣

Svetlana: LMAOOOOOOOO

J.J.: you’re killing me capitaine. LMAOO

Vaughny: Omg… please 😂

Vaughny: your turn Hollzy

Shane: Virgo’s Groove

Boodram: why?

Shane: Guess :)

Svetlana: Freak4Freak Hollander strikes again.

J.J.: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Boodram: Oh….

Boodram: 😮

Boodram: just finished relistening to Virgo’s Groove.

Boodram: allyuh real nasty in that house.

Shane: :)

Shane: it’s a good song. Calm too

Shane: relaxing

Vaughny: there is nothing relaxing about what she is singing!

Vaughny: 😂

J.J.: capitaine, a freak

Shane: Ne me laisse pas t'exposer, J.J.

J.J.: 🤐

Boodram: well, it’s my turn

Boodram: Break My Soul, because that’s a praise and worship. Idc idc

Vaughny: Saw a praise team singing it on church yes.

Shane: that’s a choice…

Svetlana: correct lmaooo

Boodram: and ofc Cuff It. Check this out.

Boodram: [sends video of him, Ilya, Young, Bergy, LePointe, and Haas doing the viral dance, where you can hear Shane giggling in the background.]

Svetlana: Is it always like a summer camp in the centaurs locker room?

Shane: yes.

J.J.: yes.

Vaughny: yes.

Boodram: yes.

Svetlana: 😂 noted. The video is very fun. None of those boys have any riddim.

Boodram: not one lick of it. It was embarrassing!

J.J.: 😂

Vaughny: that’s actually hilarious. They will learn shortly 😂

Vaughny: but can we talk about how thique was made personally for Hollzy.

Shane: here we go.

Boodram: AAAAASSSSS GETTING BIGGER

J.J.: RACKS GETTING BIGGER

Svetlana: CASH GETTING LARGER

Shane: He thought he was loving me good, I told him go harder.

Vaughny: Lady and gentlemen of the jury, your evidence….

Svetlana: sksdjskdjsjdsssss

Boodram: LMAOOOOOOO

J.J.: oh my lmaoo

Shane: fuck off  😭

January 2024

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: Rapid questions, no long talk.

Boodram: Favourite Beyoncé album. Go!

Shane: 4

J.J.: Renny

Svetlana: Self-titled.

Vaughny: Lemonade

Boodram: B-day.

Boodram: damn none of us have the same album lmao. But I feel it fits.

Svetlana: Shane was not choosing B-day. She was hollering on that.

Shane: yeah.. it was loud.

Boodram: and that’s why I love it! I love when she is yelling at me.

Vaughny: that means you love My House.

Shane: it’s not like he has a choice 😒

Svetlana: this has Ilya written all over this.

J.J.: ^^^^^^

Boodram: Roz has played that song every day since it dropped.

Boodram: and on home game days, if we won, he would yell Get the fuck up out of my house!

Vaughny: LMAOOOOO. I wish I was surprised.

Shane: He keeps singing “who they came to see? Me”

Shane: Like I’m not the Ottawa hometown star??

Shane: They came to see my too!

J.J.: very Roz. Very Roz.

Svetlana: that’s your man. You married him.

Shane: I know, and I’m going to stick beside him 😒

Boodram: LMAOOOOOO

Shane: while we are here talking about music.

Shane: Do you guys know King Von? Ilya said the other day that people speak about him like he is King Von, and I thought he was talking about Vaughny.

Shane: I was immediately corrected.

Vaughny: 😭😭😭

Vaughny: I am screaming….

J.J.: did he play some of his music for you? 👀

Boodram: this is actually terrifying lmaoo

Shane: He did. Umm… King Von is a good story teller.

Shane: Just not my style.

Shane: I did do some research into him and gang violence in Chicago and the implications it has had on Black neighborhoods within the city. It’s very heartbreaking.
Shane: It also had me thinking about how unfair we are when we talk about organized crime. Italians, Irish, Russians, shit even the Japanese can do it and it looks so cool and idolized. But as soon as it becomes Black, it’s now a problem.

Shane: everything is racist.

Shane: sorry for the rant.

Shane: I hope King Von is resting peacefully wherever he is.

Vaughny: Oh, if heaven and hell is real, he definitely in hell.

Boodram: LMAAOOOOOOOOO correct.

Boodram: and no, your rant was very insightful and important Hollzy.

Svetlana: ^^^^^ I have a lot of feelings and thoughts.

Svetlana: that man is in hell.

J.J.: Didn’t know they buried him at Toronto’s practice facility.

Shane:😂

Boodram: AHHHHHHHH SDKDJKSJDJDS

Vaughny: omgggg lmaooooooooo. Cheri, please.

Svetlana: I am currently laughing so hard that I started to choke.

Shane: if we are being honest, he probably would see the Toronto team and then say Hell is nicer than this and leave.

Svetlana: OH. MY. GOSH. I AM ALREADY STRUGGLING

Svetlana: SHANEEEE DO NOT KILL MEEEE 🤣

Shane: I’m not! I’m just saying lmao.

J.J.: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Vaughny: this is too good. Tears are running down my eyes.

Boodram: OH MY lmaoo.

Boodram: Allyuh stop talk about the dead before Jumbie come knock on our door.

Shane: Jumbie?

Boodram: what we call our spirits/ghosts. The last thing you want pulling your toe.

J.J.: theeeeeee last thing!

Vaughny: yeah, okay staying away from that.

Shane: noted.

Svetlana: do you know anyone who speaks to them Bood?

Boodram: 😂 no.

Boodram: Cassie has a friend that says she is friends with Jumbies

Boodram: But that friend is crazy.

Boodram: Also really smart. Did her thesis on, I don’t remember, all I know it put me on to this song.

Boodram: [sends like to Shake Your Pampalam by Asa Banton]

Shane: I should’ve never played this out loud.

Shane: Ilya is trying to shake his ass.

Shane: actually, this is entertaining brb.

Svetlana: 😭😭

J.J.: is this song about shaking ass for money??

Boodram: yes, apparently some important politician from Dominica said that and idk.

Boodram: it’s a good ass song.

Vaughny: No, I am having fun with this. I think I heard this during labor day.

Boodram: wouldn’t be surprised.

Svetlana: Shane, is Ilya still shaking his ass?

Shane: yes.

Svetlana: 😭😭

J.J.: So much happens in that household. How did we get here?

Vaughny: well, Hollzy asked about King Von

Boodram: everyone in here is neurodivergent. So, don’t think about it too hard.

Svetlana: trueeee

J.J.: wait….

Shane: at least we are not from 63^rd.

J.J.: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AYEE

Svetlana: 😭😭 I love you omg.

Boodram: LAMSOSODOMSKF HOLLZY

Vaughny: Hollander is right.

April 2024

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Shane: Ilya asked if you guys listened to Cowboy Carter as yet.

Vaughny: 🤠 ofc. The ALBUM IS ABOUT ME.

Boodram: Just because your name is Carter and you’re from behind God’s back of North Dakota does not mean Beyoncé made an album about you.

Boodram: It’s been on repeat in my house since it dropped. Yes.

Svetlana: Beyoncé is my wife. I will be at every tour stop. She will fall in love with me. I will become the stepmother of her children.

Shane: Svet… this is serious for you huh?

Svetlana: it’s Beyoncé. Of course it’s serious Hollander!

J.J: Love love love the album. She is soo good.

Shane: I haven’t gotten to listen as yet.

Shane: Ilya is obsessed though.

Vaughny: Does he have a favorite song yet? Mine is Ya Ya.

Boodram: I particularly love My Rose. Reminds me of my baby.

Svetlana: I am stuck between every song from American Requiem and Amen.

J.J: 16 Carriages.

Boodram: Is everything alright J.J? & Carter 👀

J.J: Oh, I can’t like emotional music????

Svetlana: that song just deep. But I forgot you’re a baddie entuned with your emotions. My bad big doh.

Vaughny: 😂

Shane: Ilya said his favourite song is Tyrant because it reminds him of me.

Shane: But… a tyrant is a bad thing.. no?

Vaughny: LOOOOOOL Never Change Rozy.

Svetlana: He actually disgusts me lmaooo.

J.J: You know what…. That sounds about right.

Boodram: I have tears in my eyes for how hard I am laughing right now. 🤣

Boodram: Hollzy. Look up the lyrics.

Shane: Okay.

J.J: Roz man 🤣

Boodram: He lives to stress Hollander out man.

Vaughny:  Freak4Freak 

Shane: the lyrics…

Shane: Oh.

Shane: I see.

Boodram: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

Boordram: Roz love the way you ride it 🤭

Svetlana: Shane do be sitting on it!

J.J: AND DO!

Vaughny: At least the beat drop is immaculate.

Shane: Shut up!!!

Chapter End Notes

Yessi. You’ve made it.
- This is the last chapter (for now, my brain will come up with some foolishness soon lool).
- Please subscribe to series “Shane and dem Boyz”. Expect different stories that will align with this new cannon. Maybe even a J.J. x Carter fic folks have been asking me about.
- That King Von piece came to me while showering this morning. So, please blame my brain if you’re confused on how we got here. I also don’t know how we got here.
- Also Cassie friend is me. I used to say I was cool with the jumbies. Don’t ask questions. That was also the topic of my masters’ thesis. Do check out Shake Your Pampalam from Asa Banton. It is so fun.
- As always, leave your comments. I love love reading them.
- Love you guysssssssssss. *sends millions of kisses*

Translations:
Pati - fuck off
Дай посмотреть - Let me see
Cheri - my love
Ne me laisse pas t'exposer, J.J. - Don’t let me expose you, J.J.

Songs mentioned:
From Lemonade By Beyonce:
- Don’t Hurt Yourself
- Formation
- Sorry
- Sandcastles
- Daddy Lessons
- Freedom
- Hold Up
From Beychella & DC
- I Care
- Soldier
- Say My Name
- Jumpin’ Jumpin’
- Survivor
- No, No, No Pt 2
- No, No, No Pt 1
- Independent Woman Pt 1
- Cater 2 U
- Lose My Breath
- Bootylicious
- Independent Woman Pt 2
- Confessions
From Renaissance
- Church Girl
- Plastic off the Sofa
- Cozy
- America Has A Problem
- Heated
- I’m That Girl
- Alien Superstar
- Move
- Virgo’s Groove
- Break My Soul
- Cuff It
- Thique
From Cowboy Carter
- Ya Ya
- My Rose
- American Requiem
- Amen
- 16 Carriages
- Tyrant

Chapter 4: The Gaydar

Chapter Notes

Another update for ya head top
I wrote this at work again.
Have fun lool.

August 2022

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Shane: do you guys believe you have a Gaydar?

Svetlana: this question has Ilya Rozanov smeared all over it.

Boodram: ^^^^

Boodram: But to answer your question, as the sole straight person in here…. Nah

Svetlana: are you sure about the straight part?

Shane: I still feel that’s debatable.

Boodram: allyuh just want me to be gay so bad. Don’t think there is enough gays on Centaurs right now?

J.J.: aye, you don’t have to be gay Bood. You can be a great bisexual and be in love with Cassie

J.J.: Also, idk the gayness in Ottawa is like a superpower at this rate

Shane: want to join the team?

Vaughny: Stop being greedy Shane Hollander.

Vaughny: you can’t have my man as well!

Shane: 🙄

Shane: He was mine first!

Svetlana: ouuu the girlies are fighting!

Boodram: 😭 every day allyuh find a way to crack me up

Vaughny: just because you were the first, don’t mean you were the best Hollander!

J.J.: 🤣

J.J.: Li Nan, OK. There is enough Jean-Jacques for everyone 😉

Vaughny: There will be no Jean-Jacques for anyone if you keep this up.

J.J.: Ooops, sorry sik mwen an.

Boodram: Oh, it’s strict over there ain’t it 😂

J.J.: it is.

Vaughny: and he likes it like that!

Svetlana: OOPS LMAOOOOO

J.J.: Yes, I do 😒

Vaughny: wrong emoji.

J.J.: ☺️

Boodram: AKSJDSNDFKJFDNSKDNSD

Boodram: Doh kill me please.

Shane: Ilya wants me to clarify that I meant he was my teammate first, and the only man I’ve ever had was Ilya Rozanov, the sexiest man alive and the best player in the MHL.  😁

Boodram: Blink twice if you’re being held captive by a Russian Hollzy

J.J.: yeah, capitaine would never say that 😭

Vaughny: that’s a Roz emoji for sure.

Boodram: Roz, give Hollzy back his phone.

Shane: Fine!

Shane: Shane wants me to say that he is the best player in the MHL and not me and he does not have a weak back hand 🥺

Boodram: I feel like we are being a part of some strange foreplay.

Sventlana: seeing greedy bisexuals being walked like a dog is my favorite past time.

Svetlana: thank you Shane Hollander and thank you Carter Vaughn.

J.J.: Hey!!!

Vaughny: you’re welcome ☺️

Shane: finally got my phone back. Ugh

Shane: You’re welcome Svet. It’s a lot of work.

Shane: Also, only Bood has answered my question.

Vaughny: eh, I don’t have one no.

J.J.:  It’s only been activated recently 🤭

Boodram: I doh like how da sound….

Svetlana: Of course. I have the best gaydar in the entire eastern seaboard, Jane.

Shane: Oh nooo…..

Boodram: you clocked the Jane/Shane tea huh.

Svetlana: and did!

Shane: since when you’ve started to say things like clocked the tea???

Boodram: I’m on the gayest team in sports history.

Boodram: gayer than a WNBA locker room.

Boodram: HOW HAVE WE ACHIEVED THIS????

Boodram: Also, Bergy, LaPointe and Young will always say some shit like that to Haas and I just want to keep up with the young people dem.

J.J.: gayer than a WNBA locker room is an achievement.

Shane: Honestly. I’m actually proud about that.

Svetlana: this is starting to feel lesbianphobic. Y’all hate lesbians? Y’all hate Rose Landry and I?

Shane: you just wanted to mention that you’re fucking Rose.

Svetlana: yeah 😔

J.J.: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Vaughny: aye, at least we are all having gay sex. Don’t need a gaydar for that.

Boodram: who is we? Damn you’ve really been picking up French huh?

J.J.: 😭😭

October 2022

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Shane: An earworm or brainworm, also described as sticky music or stuck song syndrome is a catchy or memorable piece of music or saying that continuously occupies a person's mind even after it is no longer being played or spoken about.

Shane: Source: Wikipedia.

Vaughny: 👀

Vaughny: thanks for the education I guess?

Svetlana: lmao who is having an earworm?

Boodram: Ahhh thank you Hollzy. Now I can tell everyone why I keep singing “I feel like fucking something” randomly.

J.J.: Pardon? LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

J.J.: that’s the Doja Cat song, right??

Boodram: yes, and I’m not proud about it

Boodram: but the song was always on the radio it was going to stick regardless

Vaughny: lmaoooo fair enough.

Vaughny: for a while I used to sing fergie’s version of the national anthem from that one nba all-star weekend.

Shane: Oof 😭

Boodram: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Boodram: Let’s play some basketball!

J.J.: 😭😭😭

Svetlana: I’m still embarrassed 😣

J.J.: same.

J.J.: After one road trip where we were in America a lot, I had the Stanley Steamers commercial stuck in my head.

Shane: don’t remind me.

Boodram: LMAO how bad was it.

Shane: Lifting weights? J.J. is singing “call 1-800- Steamers. Call Stanley Steamers, your carpet cleaners.”

Shane: Having team lunch, J.J. is singing it.

Shane: On a boat, with a goat.

Shane: In the rain, on a train

Shane: In the dark, in a tree, in a car, he would not let me be.

Shane: in a box, with a fox.

Shane: in a house with a mouse.

Shane: Here or there.

Shane: Anywhere!

Boodram: I DO NOT LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM. I DO NOT LIKE THEM SAM I AM.

Boodram: A classic.

Vaughny: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO I have water running down my face. Please.

J.J.: this took a turn I was not expecting 😂🤣

Svetlana: wow, you can tell who are around children lmaoo

Shane: Yeah, this is Arthur’s favorite right now.

Shane: my bad 😂

Shane: Also, a really bad earworm I had was in like 2019 because Ilya would keep saying “I’m with the gang, I’m with the mob, what was you thinking.”

Svetlana: I just imagined you saying this and I am currently on the floor laughing.

November 2022

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: This is a safe space right?

J.J.: shit, I would hope so.

Svetlana: 👀 you got some deep shit to say?

Boodram: Nah but Cassie wanted me to ask allyuh this question because she believes we’re not true freaks

Boodram: whatever da means. I feel like I’m very freaky

Boodram: [sends link to freaks by Doug E Fresh ft Vicious]

Vaughny: eeeeehhhh

Boodram: Anyways! She asked what’s the freakiest thing you’ve done during sex?

Shane: Oh.

Shane: I don’t think we do anything particularly freaky.

Svetlana: Oh this is going to be good 😂

J.J.: I don’t believe that one bit capitaine

Boodram: Yeah, we’ve heard you and Roz. I think y’all steer the freak4freak ship.

Vaughny: LMAOOOOO

Vaughny: oh, I guess… cum swapping?

Boodram: huh? Wym cum swapping? Explain da to me real quick.

Vaughny: 😂 😂  basically after cumming in someone’s mouth, they hold it and spit it into the other person’s mouth.

Boodram: oh.

Shane: oh, but that’s normal.

J.J.: Hmmmm…. Not really capitaine.

Shane: y’all don’t do that all the time?

Svetlana: told y’all this shit going be good 🤣

Boodram: No??????????

Vaughny: Definitely not all the time lmaoo. Have to be in the mood.

Boodram: ?? I don’t think that mood would ever find me.

Boodram: and here I’m thinking the occasional consensual! Let me emphasize consensual! Slaps were extreme.

Shane: oh, that’s just normal things, especially during a blow job.

Boodram: ??????????

Svetlana: 😭😭😭 have I ever told you that I love you, Shane Hollander?

Shane: yes, and I love you too Svetlana Vetrova.

Shane: I’m just confused on how these things have been labeled freaky.

J.J.: Oh capitaine 😭

J.J.: uhhh,,, Oh!!! Getting tied up and a cock ring on me for like three hours.

Boodram: 😮

J.J.: And I couldn’t cum until I was instructed to do such.

Boodram: 😮

Svetlana: is that my good friend Carter Vaughn walking you like a dog again?

J.J.: yes

Vaughny: 🤭

Shane: Oh, we that this past weekend.

Shane: or was it the weekend before that?

Shane: I don’t know, I was tired after.

Boodram: 😮

Vaughny: I think we’ve broken Bood.

Svetlana: skdhbfdjh

Svetlana: I’m like holding my stomach, laughing.

J.J.: okay, I think we need to rephrase the question for capitaine. What was the last thing you did that you guys wouldn’t do all the time?

Vaughny: ah yes, good question good question.

J.J.: thank you, cheri.

Shane: Ahhh… hmm.

Shane: Probably the remote-controlled vibrating butt plug while we were at a bar the other day.

Boodram: 😮

Boodram: OH MY GOSH

Boodram: AS IN TWO DAYS AGOOO???

Shane: yes

Boodram: WHEN ROZ SAID ALLYUH HAD TO LEAVE UHLY BECAUSE YUH HAD START FEEL SICK??

Boodram: YUH WASN’T SICK, YUH HAD A PLUG UP YA ASS???

Boodram: SKUNTY

Shane: well, yes.

Shane: is not normal?

Vaughny: No 😭

J.J.: Nope… but I’m taking notes.

Svetlana: skskksdkksd no Shane.

Boodram: NOOOOOOOOOOOO??????

Shane: Oh well.

Shane: what’s your answer Svet?

Svetlana: oh I have y’all beat by a mile.
Svetlana: snorted cocaine out of this guy’s ass in a club bathroom.

Boodram: 😮

J.J.: 😮

Vaughny: I hope Hollzy doesn’t say this is normal lmaoo

Shane: Oh definitely not.

Boodram: oh thank God!

Shane: But I’ve had vodka been drank out of mine.

Boodram: I’ve should’ve never asked this question.

Boodram: Mommy I’m scared.

Vaughny: 😭 wait that sounds fun.

Shane: it was

J.J.: I got a cold bottle of rum in the freezer soo…

Shane: share your review!

Boodram: NO!!

Svetlana: YES!!!

Svetlana: Don’t let the vanilla bean shut you down. Do freak shit all the time

Svetlana: consensually of course.

Boodram: man, I hate allyuh bad.

Chapter End Notes

- Dem stressing my good friend Zane Boodram out (she says as she writes them stressing Boodram out).
- Shane is our fav freak
- Shane and Carter will walk those boys like dogs, but don’t save them, they do not want to be saved.
- On the topic of J.J. and Carter.. if you haven’t noticed yet, there is a second story in this series called Mec, j'ai besoin and it’s their love story to go with my very insane cannon, you should check it out and let me know what you think.
- Ohhh, I’ve been getting comments asking if I’m Trini and the answer is no! However, without giving you my live location, and I am from the Northeastern Caribbean and I am very very very immersed in Caribbean culture and music in general.
- Kay, stay beautiful, stay safe, sending everyone love and kisses.
- Also happy belated birthday to Connie Baby-Butt Baby, you would love reading freaky Shane Hollander.

 

Translations:
Li Nan, OK - it’s okay
Sik mwen an - my sugar

Chapter 5: Boodram's Soca Lessons

Chapter Notes

- Posting this at work again because I can.. duh
- Y’all keep the ao3 staff in your prayers, and well wishes because this outage shit ain’t normal fr. But I have patience and want to make sure it goes smooth.
- Umm… I’m setting a lot of agendas in this piece.
- Translations at the end as per usual.

December 2022

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Vaughny: Fellas and Fellete. What’s the Christmas plans this year? 

Svetlana: Christmas falling on a Sunday is so rude, in my opinion. I don’t think Jesus would agree with not having a day off.

Shane: Svet, you make your own schedule??

Svetlana: I mean yes, I took the whole week off, to spend time in boring ass Ottawa with you guys, but think about the people?

Svetlana: Breaking news!!  Shane Hollander does not care about the common man.

Shane: 🙄

Shane: I forgot all the Russians in my life gets on my nerves.

Svetlana: *gasp* Shane Hollander, take that back.

Svetlana: I am your favourite Russian, and you love me dearly.

Shane: Yes, I love you dearly Svet.

J.J.: noticed how he didn’t’ say Svet was his favourite Russian? #dickmatized.

Shane: LOOK WHO IS SPEAKING

Shane: Cannot be “sorry capitaine, I got to go, Carter wants me to cuddle while we watch Diners, Drive-ins and Dives.”

Shane: Not that Jean-Jacques Boiziau.

Boodram: LMAOOOOO. How yuh put the man business on blast so.

J.J.: Peu importe. The show is great 😒

Vaughny: It is!  

Svetlana: when you show up to a “I love my man” competition but Shane and J.J. are already there.

Boodram: you will never win. I do feel Hollzy has the upper hand. The whole 8-year situationship type shit surely builds character.

J.J.: I still can’t believe that lmaooo.

Svetlana: I can. Two hockey players unable to express their emotions so they just fuck?

Svetlana: if I had a nickel for every time that happened, I would only have two nickels, but it’s crazy that it happened twice.

Boodram: ksdjnfjdfjs. Svet.

Shane: twice??

Shane: my pain was replicated?

J.J.: I don’t like your tone Svet 😭😭

Vaughny: at least it didn’t take us 8 years.

Shane: ????????????????

Shane: You set the precedent to fuck a fellow hockey player when you’re both in the league and this is how they treat your legacy.

J.J.: 😭😭

Boodram: AYE LMAOOOOO.

Boodram: allyuh don’t respect allyuh elders for true.

Vaughny: aren’t we older than them??

Boodram: Okay gramps. I hear you.

Svetlana: 👴🏽

Svetlana: also, y’all being older, makes the entire thing even more ridiculous. Like omg stand up.

Shane: exactly!!!

Boodram: okay, let me defend them real quick. It’s hard turning a hoe into a househusband.

Shane: well.

Svetlana: true.

J.J.: WHO IS THE HOE HERE?

Shane: You.

Svetlana: you

Boodram: very much you my guy

Vaughny: toi.

Shane: 😭😭 oh my.

Boodram: LMAOOOOOOOOO

Svetlana: sdkjksdjskdjsdjss. Carter Vaughn, I love you.

J.J.: 😒 I don’t know what y’all are talking about.

Shane: You had a Sandra in New York, a Sandra in Detroit and a Sander in LA.

Shane: It was stressful keeping up.

Shane: I liked Detroit Sandra the best though. She was very nice and had some stylish fur coats.

Shane: Hope she is doing alright.

Boodram: Hollzy having a soft spot for J.J.’s former fuck buddy, Detroit Sandra, was not on my bingo card.

Boodram: then again, nothing in this chat ever is.

Svetlana: Actually, J.J., send me Detroit Sandra’s contact. I can use it.

J.J.: I don’t have her number anymore, and also don’t you have Rose Landry to fuck??

Svetlana: see how your first thought was I wanted to fuck her? Конец

J.J.: 🖕🏾

J.J.: Also, no one has answered my boyfriend’s question. Le pire.

Vaughny: 😂, merci, cheri.

Boodram: yuh start riding a francophone man, and all dis man been saying is oui oui oui. Like we get it, das your man.

Svetlana: just a group of my manaholics in here.

Shane: right?

Boodram: now Hollander…….. doh start.

Vaughny: LMAOOOOOOO.

Shane: anyways! To answer Vaughny’s question. Christmas dinner at the cottage. You know my Mom got everything set and ready to go.

Shane: Hopefully Christmas sex too, but Svet is staying over.

Boodram: and has that ever stopped you before?????

Shane: 🤭

Svetlana: Jesus would not be pleased!

J.J.: you keep saying this like you’re not basically an atheist.

Svetlana: Doesn’t matter. I just know he would be quiet upset.

Svetlana: Imagine it’s my birthday and the only thing you are thinking about is fucking.

Boodram: 😭😭

Vaughny: that’s an interesting perspective…. Lmaoooo

J.J.: ^^^^

J.J.: La maison Vaughn-Boiziau is having lunch, then Christmas drag at the Kingfisher.

Svetlana: I would say, maybe I should come to New York, but y’all be fucking as well.

Shane: Also, Ilya will hunt you down.

Svetlana: I’m not scared of that white boy!

Boodram: 😂

Boodram: wait, let me not laugh too hard, before I have to do a ridiculous amount of bag skates.

J.J.: LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

Vaughny: I don’t know if the Cens is a summer camp or a military camp.

Shane: Both.

Boodram: Both

Svetlana: Both.

J.J.: 😭

J.J.: Bood, what are you doing for Christmas???

Boodram: Oh, the usual. Letting the people know that Santa is looking for a wife.

Shane: ? Mrs. Clause literally exits.

Vaughny: They might be divorced.

Svetlana: I would’ve divorced Santa too. Imagine coming home full of sooth. Just smelling burnt.

J.J.: It’s an important sacrifice lmaooo

Svetlana: absolutely not.

Shane: #FreeMrsClause

Boodram: LMAOOOO????

Boodram: [sends link to Santa Looking for A Wife by Bindley Benjamin]

Boodram: enjoy some good ole parang.

February 2023

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: I’ve just realized something

Vaughny: I don’t know if I am to be afraid or…..

Svetlana: No, I like when Bood have observations. This is how we got the napkin in the first place.

Shane: it’s framed by the way.

J.J.: of course it is lmaoooo

Boodram: how many soca songs do you guys know? Except J.J., he knows a good bit.

Shane: umm, maybe two?

Vaughny: I’ve been in NYC for over a decade. I know enough.

Svetlana: None 😔 I’ve disappointed Bood.

Boodram: NO!!! This is a time to learn.

Boodram: I’m feeling the carnival spirit, I will share some of my favourites right now!

Shane: I’m glad I save my music time for whatever links Bood send to this chat.

Vaughny: music time???

J.J.: Remember, it’s us and Roz is the reason why capitaine knows how music sounds 😂

Svetlana: 😂

Shane: Fuck off J.J. 😭

Shane: I knew that one song, that said that boom boom pow

Svetlana: LMAOOOOOOOO SDKDJNDFKSDJ

J.J.: lmaoooooo I am weak.

Vaughny: At least you knew that.

Vaughny: still not over the Destiny’s Child thing.

Shane: 😔

Shane: I was listening to Ms. Independent Pt 1 two nights ago. And told Ilya that I got my own money, so I don’t need him.

Svetlana: And how did that go?

J.J.: He is about to say some freak shit.

Shane: umm, let’s just say, I learnt that I really really need him.

J.J.: what did I say 😭😭

Boodram:….

Boodram: I leave for two seconds to collect links, and Hollzy talking about riding off Roz again.

Boodram: we will never be free.

Vaughny: LMAOOOOOOOO

Shane: they asked!!!

Boodram: Okay Hollzy. I believe you.

Boodram: First song, it’s a tearjerker.

J.J.: I’ve been jerked to tears before.

Boodram: WHY ARE THE CANADIANS SO FREAKY?????

Svetlana: dfkjdnskjdnskdjnsjdsdnsmdn

Vaughny: I like it.

Shane: again, this is just normal to me.

Boodram: NOT THE POINT HOLLANDER.

Boodram: Oh my gosh. Here is the link.

Boodram: [sends link to Savannah Grass by Kes]

Shane: Ilya is currently swaying his hips very dramatically. I’m amused.

Shane: thank you Bood. I also really like how this sounds. It’s going to my playlist.

Vaughny: THIS IS MY SONG.

Vaughny: DE SAVANNAH GRASSS 🗣️

J.J.: 🕺🏽🕺🏽

J.J.: Kes doesn’t miss.

Boodram: HE DOES NOT MISS!

Svetlana: wait, this song is very sweet. I really like this.

Svetlana: also googled Kes. He is fine.

Boodram: join the line Svet. He is everyone’s husband.

Shane: wait…. He is cute.

Svetlana: SIT DOWN GAY BOY.

Shane: 😮

J.J.: ksjdnsdkjhfbskdjnbefkjhesfbnds

Boodram: PLEASEEEE. 😭

Vaughny: Oh my.

Boodram: okay, we doing a major throwback with this one. And switching the vibes a little bit.

Boodram: [sends link to Carnival by Destra and Machel Montano]

Boodram: CARNIVALLLLL IN T&T IS SOO SPECIAL TO ALL AH WEEEEE

Svetlana: wait, this got my waist moving. Hold up.

Vaughny: Ugh, another classic.

Shane: Ilya is now jumping

Shane: but chaotically.

Shane: I don’t think I love this song as much.

J.J.: these live reports are killing me lmaoooo

Svetlana: I really hope you are recording these Shane.

Shane: Oh. I am loool

Boodram: GOOD.

Boodram: Now, I am going to send you a song that Cassie’s friend put her on. It’s from the early 2000s but very very fun.

Boodram: [sends link to Searching (Hot Wuk) by Ultra Sonic Band]

Boodram: this band is from Nevis.

Vaughny: wait, is that a Mr. Vegas sample in that??????????????

Vaughny: this goes hard. Wtf.

J.J.: I now have a song for every time Carter asks me to look for something.

Svetlana: the my manaholics at it again.

Shane: you think I can invest in a nice property in Nevis?

Svetlana: ?????????? The song talking about how nice the girls looking nice and this man talking about property like a colonialist.

Boodram: man shut up and listen to the song lmaoooo

Svetlana: this is what fucking a white man does to your brain.

Shane: I’m listening to the song!!!

Shane: you keep acting like you don’t be inside Rose!

Svetlana: yeah, but I can still appreciate a good song about “bumpa shaking”

Svetlana: I know what you are Shane Hollander.

Shane: 😒

Shane: this song is fun.

J.J.: YESSS

Vaughny: I’M SEARCHING I’M SEARCHING IN THE BAND.

Boodram: exactly.

Boodram: Big up St Kitts and Nevis two times.

Boodram: Alright, last song for the night. I know Vaughny and J.J. know it. It has taken the world by storm.

Boodram: [sends link to The A-list by Pumpa]

Vaugnhy: IF YOUR NAME END WITH AN A, BEND RIGHT OVAH 🗣️

Boodram: good thing my wife’s name is Cassandra 😉

Svetlana: HELLO….. my name ends with an A??

Svetlana: I am currently bending right over in front of Rose.

Svetlana: She is mad her name does not end with an A.

J.J.: je suis Jeana.

Boodram: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Shane: “Hollander, your name does not end with an A. This is not good. I need you to bend over.”

Shane: I told him no.

Shane: but my new name is Shana.

Vaughny: you know what lmao.

Vaughny: Hi, I am Cartera.

Boodram: sounds like an overpriced café with shitty sandwiches.

Shane: that’s so specific Bood lmao

Svetlana: If J.J.’s name end with an A, and Carter’s name end with an A, who is doing the bending?

Shane: this is some great investigative journalism.

J.J.: double sided dildos

Boodram: 😮

Boodram: EXCUSE?????

Shane: I think y’all just broke Bood.

April 2023

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Svetlana: Shane, just say the word. I’ll deal with them.

Shane: LOOL

Shane: Thank you Svet, but it’s fine.

Vaughny: wait, what is happening?

Shane: Nothing really worth my time, if we are being quite honest.

Svetlana: you haven’t seen the article yet? Someone is trying to talk on Shane’s name.

Svetlana: imagine trying to call thee Shane Hollander washed.

J.J.: I just sent him the article. The audacity of that man.

J.J.: Who is he anyways?

Boodram: Bitchass Tyler John?????

Boodram: he always running his fucking mouth. I want to box him off

Vaughny: “is the Shane Hollander hype overrated, even at 31, a decline is near.”

Vaughny: WHO IS THIS LOSER?????

Vaughny: there are no stats, no analysis, just “I am a loser and hate myself so I’m going to hate.”

Boodram: I’ve never liked him. He used to be in the league and got cut because he sucks

Shane: was drafted 25^th in our draft.

Svetlana: so even more reasons to make a call is what you’re saying

J.J.: wouldn’t need to make any calls after I beat his ass

Boodram: As my grandmother would say, “who vex, dead” and he could dead

Vaughny: RTTTTT

Shane: He honestly is harbouring a lot of unresolved feelings. He believes he deserve more than the “model minority.”

Shane: I also heard through the grape vines that he had a crush on me, and that every partner that he has had also had a crush on me.

Shane: So.

Vaughny: Oh so he is really a loser?

J.J.: He is upset because he is bitchless

J.J.: Not everyone is Shane Hollander

Shane: My mother has three statements prepared.

Svetlana: This is why we love Yuna Hollander

Shane: It’s funny because I thought we were cool for a couple of years. And then I signed with the Cens and here we are.

Shane: I think Megan Thee Stallion says it the best though.

J.J.: 👀

Svetlana: Oh???

Shane: Whole lot of fake-ass, snake-ass, backstabbin', hatin'-ass No-money-gettin'-ass bitches.  Y'all actin' really ungrateful, I'm sparin' you hoes. I been coulda fucked y'all…

Shane: yeah :)

Boodram: Shane Hollander a Hottie, confirmed.

Chapter End Notes

- I think it’s the chat’s sole purpose to stress Bood out. My poor Trini bredrin
- Yes, Shane is a Hottie. Argue with ya aunty if you disagree.
- I love writing these because not only it allows me to let all my insane to be put out into the world, but it’s a great coping mechanism for this shitty life I dealing with right now.
- Check me out on the tweets @yamhead_ash. And check out the next story in this series which is the J.J. x Carter fic.
- And if I say I have so much for up my sleeve for this series would you believe me?
- Looking forward to your comments. Have a beautiful day. Love you plenty plenty.

 

 

Translations:
Peu imports - whatever
Toi - you
Конец - slut
Le pire - The worst
La maison Vaughn-Boiziau - the Vaughn-Boiziau household.

Songs:
Santa Looking for A Wife - Bindley Benjamin
Savannah Grass - Kes
Carnival - Destra and Machel Montano
Searching (Hot Wuk) - Ultra Sonic Band
The A-list - Pumpa
Ungrateful - Megan Thee Stallion ft Key Glock

Chapter 6: Club Night

Chapter Notes

- Guess where I wrote this? You guessed right? At work. Shit hella awkward anyways. My coworkers had a screaming match yesterday while I was listening to Gucci this, Gucci that by OMG Girlz
- This is 100000% self indulgent. Like no plot, no timeline, just something I needed to write lmaoo
- Enjoy, translations at the end per usual.

March 2025

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: I have the best friends in the world.

Boodram: [sends picture of a flyer advertising the club night fundraiser hosted by the Irina Foundation]

Boodram: MONALEO??? MEGAN THEEEE STALLION??????

Boodram: you know what this means? This means my wife will be shaking her ass. It is always a great day when my wife shaking her ass ☺️.

Svetlana: EXCUSE ME WHO??????????

Svetlana: Booking my ticket right now.

Vaughny: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Vaughny: we’re going to be stuck on a west coast road trip.

Vaughny: Idk how to explain this, but this is homophobic. This is Crowell’s fault.

J.J.: very very homophobic.

J.J.: Imagine, we got Meg, and Monaleo in bumbass Ottawa, and I’m going to miss it.

J.J.: Brb, throwing a tantrum.

Boodram: GUESS WHO AINT MISSING IT???? MEEEEEEEE

J.J.: 🖕🏾

Boodram: sit on it, das wa you like anyways tehehehe

Svetlana: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Vaughny: 😭😭 now…

J.J.: you know what……

J.J.: de tout fason …

J.J.: where is capitaine? How did y’all get this do?

Shane: Oh hi.  Let me catch up.

Shane: Oh my, not J.J. like a finger in his ass.

Shane: Relatable.

Boodram: 😮

Svetlana: skdjngkvjsfdnvkjsdnjkfncksjfd

J.J.: capitaine, souple 😭

Vaughny: what a chaotic man lmao

Shane: I’m just saying.

Shane: I actually like multiple

Boodram: Shane Hollander.

Boodram: please answer J.J.’s question.

J.J.: PLEASEEEEE

Svetlana: he is so horny right now, and this is hilarious lmaooo.

Shane: Oh! My mom heard that I enjoy both artist and decided they would be good for the club night fundraiser.

Shane: How did she convince them perform in Ottawa? I don’t question Yuna Hollander.

J.J.: Same… she scares me.

Svetlana: I love her. Ugh, this is going to be a good night.

Svetlana: I am showing up in my shortest shorts.

Svetlana: I will be twerking.

Shane: I’m not…but I will enjoy myself.

Boodram: btw, I just want allyuh to know, that Hollzy has dropped two powerpoints in the team’s group chat.

Boodram: One titled ‘Big Leo 101’ and the other one titled ‘How to be a Hottie: The Guide to knowing Megan Thee Stallion.’

Boodram: and I am a 100% positive he made the slides.

Vaughny: 🤣 OH FOR SURE

Shane: What??? Dykstra said he didn’t know any Megan songs, so I needed to educate them.

Boodram: well, it’s Dykstra.

Vaughny: ^^^^^^^

Svetlana: please send the powerpoints.

Shane: [sends Big Leo 101- SH.pptx]

Shane: [sends How to be a Hottie – SH.pptx]

Svetlana: and this is why you’re the people’s princess Shane Hollander.

J.J.: I’m upset at how good these are.

Boodram: SAMEEEEEE

[a week later]

Boodram: live texting club night for the two losers stuck on the west coast.

J.J.: 🙄

Vaughny: I appreciate it 😔

Boodram: DJ is currently running some serious tunes.

Boodram: Hollzy and Roz has been in the corner of VIP whispering to each other. If they don’t get a room.

Boodram: Yuna is running this like a military. The number of checks to get in here. I love it.

Svetlana: tell them what Svetlana is doing!!!

J.J.: what is Svet doing? Lmao

Boodram: sigh, getting my rookies drunk with vodka.

Boodram: Haasy is red as a tomato but is afraid to tell this Russian woman no.

Vaughny: 🤣🤣

J.J.: that poor kid!

Svetlana: y’all acting like you’re telling me no.

Vaughny: ……. Fair

Boodram: DJ is throwing it way back. We’re back in 2016.

Boodram: WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK.

Boodram: Brb, dancing with my wife.

J.J.: the FOMO is so real right now.

Shane: I am drunk

Shane: I want my husband.
Shane: why am I here

Vaughny: oh no lmaooo

J.J.: sigh 😭 at least this going to be entertaining

Shane: SVET WHY ARE YOU DANCING ON LAPOINTE??? HE IS A CHILD.

Vaughny: that’s a grown ass man lmaooo

Shane:  A CHILD

Svetlana: 🙄 even drunk Shane is strict. Go kiss your boyfriend and leave me alone

Shane: I don’t want to kiss him. I want to suck his dick.

Boodram: Okay! I am back.

Boodram: And….i regret being back.

J.J.: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Vaughny: Hollzy, please spare us.

Shane: No. this is my safe space.

Vaughny: and we worked hard on it being so lmaoooo

J.J.: you better hold out until after the performances at least.

J.J.: imagine missing your favs because you’re too horny.

Vaughny: didn’t that happened to us a while back???

J.J.: Not now cheri, not now.

Boodram: 😭 what is wrong with allyuh lmaooo

Boodram: Also Svet is now doing shots off the rookies bellies.

Boodram: WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

Vaughny: Ugh, I miss partying with Svet.

Svetlana: I miss you toooo Carter. Bood is here being a loser

Boodram: I literally poured the shots for you….

Svetlana: LOOOOOSERRRRRR

Boodram: and that’s why I’m going to tell the chat how Rose told you to where a butt plug for her tonight.

Svetlana: 😮 YOU TRAITOR

Boodram: You called me a loser.

Shane: omg twins

J.J.: so much is happening.

Vaughny: I wish I was surprised.

J.J.: and no one performed yet.

Boodram: MONALEO IS COMING ON NOWWWWW

Svetlana: She is soooo pretty. I wanna kiss her cheeks.

J.J.: which ones?

Svetlana: yes.

Vaughny: LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

Boodram: [sends video of Monaleo performing Wam Bam]

Svetlana: BOW BOW WHOOP DA HOE

J.J.: sdjfndkjfsjdskjfjsd did captaine sang the “that’s what you get for whistling at me as a white man” to Roz?????

Vaughny: I AM HOLLERING.

Vaughny: He is so funny 🤣

Shane: Reparations are important : )

Vaughny: AHAHAHAHHAHAH

Vaughny: exactly my brother ✊🏽

Boodram: [sends video of Monaleo and Ilya on stage performing Don Who Leo]

J.J.: He is enjoying this too much LMAOOO.

Vaughny: Yes.

Vaughny: But I am entertained.

Boodram: “You know I am here to represent to bad bitches, the bitches that get shit done, the bitches that set the standard, the bitches that inspire others. I am reppin’ Hollander and Rozanov tonight, because they are those bitches.” -  Monaleo 2025

Vaughny: I am inspired.

Svetlana: that made me cry. Those my babies. They are the standard.

J.J.: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Boodram: FLUSH EM FLUSH EM.

Svetlana: Guys, this is Zane’s song.

Svetlana: [sends video of Zane and Cassie singing and dancing to Monaleo performing Flush Em]

Boodram: WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT. SHE PERFORMING AN UNRELEASED SONG WAIT WAIT.

J.J.: NO WAYYYYYYYY

Vaughny: Aight, I’m officially jealous.

Svetlana: this goes hard.

Boodram: me, and Hollzy are currently swaying side to side.

Svetlana: [sends video and Shane and Zane moving their shoulders side to side as Monaleo performs an unreleased Putting Ya Dine]

Boodram: she just ended. I feel new.

J.J.: again, we are on the west coast because????? Hate crowell

Vaughny: RT. That song sounds good. Also y’all are amusing as hell.

Svetlana: ah boy, DJ said he in the mood to play some whining music. Do not expect any texts from Zane for a while.

Shane: guys. I love Monaleo

Shane: she is so nice.

Shane: she said she is proud of us.

Shane: I might cry.

Svetlana: please don’t cry lmao

J.J.: cry when you’re taking dick later.

Svetlana: HELLO????

Boodram: I always look at this chat at the wrong time.

Vaughny: there is never a right time

Boodram: you’re right lol

Svetlana: [sends video of Zane and Cassie dancing to Coco Tea by Kes]

Vaughny: they are hot!!

Svetlana: I about to tell them make room.

J.J.: Lmaooooo???????

Svetlana: what, I thought this was a safe place.

Shane: IT IS.
Shane: and that’s why I’m going to let Ilya fuck me in the walkway of our home.

Boodram: maybe this space is too safe.

J.J.: sounds homophobic to me Bood.

Vaughny: very homophobic.

J.J.: breaking news, despite being friends with all the queer dudes in the league, Zane Boodram found, homophobic.

Svetlana: Boodram just yelled loudly in my ear how can he homophobic, his bitch is gay.

Svetlana: his bitch in this scenario? Us.

Vaughny: 😭😭😭

Boodram: EVERYONE SHUT UP MEG IS ON. I REPEAT MEG IS ON.

Boodram: Idk how many live messages you’ll get from me but yeah.

Svetlana: Same. We will send videos later

J.J.: 🙄 I’ll just continue to cuddle with my man and watch SVU I guess.

Vaughny: at least this is a good episode.

Boodram: we are 20 minutes into her set and sdkjsnfkjsd

Boodram: “This next song, my good friend Ilya told me, I must dedicate this to his husband, Shane Hollander. Everyone say hiiiii Shane.”  

Vaugnhy: 👀👀

Boodram: then she performs Big Ole Freak.  😭 What is wrong with Rozanov ????????

Svetlana: [sends video of Megan performing Big Ole Freak, and Shane is blushing while Ilya is rapping at the corner of the stage]

J.J.: now he is blushing??? Bêtises.

Vaughny: He was just in here telling us how he going fuck Roz, but now we blushing at Big Ole Freak.

Boodram: OMG GUYS THIS JUST GOT BETTER.

Boodram: [sends video of Shane rapping Hiss alongside Megan]

J.J.: 😮

Vaughny: he is going to have the nastiest hangover in the morning. I can’t wait to see that the internet says lmaoo.

[following day]

Svetlana: I’m never drinking vodka again.

Shane: I’m never drinking again.

J.J.: LOOOL. I’m glad you’re up and miserable.

Svetlana: why was I doing shots on those young men?

Boodram: same question we were all asking Svet.

Vaughny: well now that y’all are up……. Hollzy, your husband is threatening fans on the internet again.

Shane: Dear God.

shane hollander’s left thigh  @Igocrazyforholly

Can we talk about how Yuna convinced two Houston baddies to perform in Ottawa? And how HOTTT Shane looked? Like Ilya Rozanov you greedy Russian, share with us!

Ilya Rozanov ✔ @ilyarozanov81

Yuna is great. She gets things done. No, I am not sharing my husband.

Stream MEGAN NOW @stallion789

I don’t know anything about those hockey boys. But that Shane Hollander guy is sexy as hell. He should call me.

Ilya Rozanov ✔ @ilyarozanov81

He is not calling you. He only calls me.

Boodram’s Left Nipple @centaursluver

Can Ilya Rozanov fight?

Ilya Rozanov✔  @ilyarozanov81

Yes.  youtube.com/rozanovfightscompilation

Shane Hollander Updates @shanehollanderupdates

Houston rappers Monaleo and Megan Thee Stallion both performed at the Irina’s Foundation Fundraising Club Night, hosted by Shane Hollander and his husband Ilya Rozanov.

[first picture of the flyer for the club night; second picture of Monaleo on stage; third picture of Megan on stage; fourth picture of a selfie with Megan, Monaleo, Shane and Ilya]

Haasy I love you @hollanov89

Two Houston baddies, A Canadian Baddie, and a Russian baddie all walked into a room.

[selfie of Megan, Monaleo, Shane and Ilya]

Ilya Rozanov ✔ @ilyarozanov81

Wow, we are hot.

 

MONALEO✔  @themonaleo

Thank you thank you @irinafoundation and Ottawa. I can’t believe this, you guys were great. Also I love you first husbands of hockey!

Shane Hollander ✔ @shanehollanderhockeyplayer

No Thank you! We love you too Monaleo.

Ilya Rozanov✔  @ilyarozanov81

You were great! Love you!

 

TINA SNOW ✔ @theestallion

Thank you so much to @irinafoundation for having me last night. Shane Hollander, you’re a true Hottie. MUAH

[video of Megan and Shane rapping Hiss]

Ilya Rozanov ✔ @ilyarozanov81

Stop mentioning Megan and stop mentioning my man. Period.

TINA SNOW ✔ @theestallion

TELL THEM AGAIN ILYA!!!!!!!!

Ilya’s bicep @rozylover81

I did not know I needed to see Shane rap to Hiss. I am now madly in love with him.

Ilya Rozanov ✔  @ilyarozanov81

Join the line. Actually, there is no line. Only me can be in love with him.

 

sarah @sarahloveshockey

Y’all need to stop talking about Shane. Ilya is threatening to fight all of us.

Ilya Rozanov✔  @ilyarozanov81

Yes. youtube.com/rozanovfightscompilation2

Hollzy I love you @terrimash

Okay, I know we are all frekaing out about how hot Shane is doing literally anything. But have we seen that new selfie Vaughny posted on his Instagram??? J.J. Bioziau can you fight???????

J.J. Boiziau✔  @jjboiziau

Yes. Youtube.com/jjboiiziaufights.

 

J.J. Boiziau ✔ @jjboiziau

In conversation with my good friend, and fèré @ilyarozanov81, we want to remind the public that we are hockey players with years of experience. Yes, we can fight. No, you cannot have our men. Beaucoup d’amour.

Ilya Rozanov ✔ @ilyarozanov81

Da. We can.

reply @ilyarozanov81

Shane Hollander ✔ @shanehollanderhockeyplayer.

Ilya.

reply @shanehollanderhockeyplayer

Ilya Rozanov ✔ @ilyarozanov81

Sorry, my love.

 

Carter Vaughn ✔ @vaughny

Jean – Jacques.

reply @vaughny

J.J. Boiziau✔ @jjboiziau

Dèsolé, cheri

Svetlana @lana

Walk them like a dog! @shanehollanderhockeyplayer @vaughny

Zane Boodram ✔ @trini2debone

Those boys are whipped!

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Shane: sigh, my man my man my man….

Chapter End Notes

- Carter and Shane are stricccc okay???
- I had too much writing this. And yes we know the rookies aren’t rookies anymore but they are the centaurs children so Svet getting wassy with them was too much for Shane and Zane lmao.
- Did this really had a plot? Idk man. Just know they had fun.
- If you haven’t read the J.J. x Carter fic yet… what are you waiting on????
- Follow me on the tweets @yam_headash
- Kay byeeee

Chapter 7: Speedy Da Bur

Chapter Notes

- Well, you’ve guessed it again… wrote this at work :)
- This chapter has no date, because this exists in an ambiguous period in my AU where J.J. and Carter and Svetlana and Rose are together (check out the other fic in this series). This also came to me as a prophecy (I was showering and went, ha, this should be funny).
- I removed a chapter count, because if we are being honest, I’m just going to post every time I get an idea. So subscribe to the fic if you haven’t as yet lool.
- I’ve been enjoying your comments, so leave more at the end!
- Translations and song list at the end. Enjoy

Kingfisher – New York City

4 (Your) Colored Eyez Only

Svetlana: is that person trying to flirt with Shane?

Vaughny: emphasis on trying 😭

Svetlana: this looks so painful from this angle, but I’m trying to distract Ilya so he doesn’t go over and make a scene

Boodram: Please do 😂  because this shit is soo funny right now.

Boodram: Hollzy is so oblivious, if he was a single man I would be cringing right now.

J.J.: what is even happening over there Bood?

Boodram: 😭😭😭

Boodram: Random man: I really like your sweater it fits you nice. I bet it’s very comfortable. Hollzy: Oh thanks, I guess. I got this when I went shopping with Rose the other day.

Boodram: and then he shrugs 😭😭

Svetlana: in Shane’s defense, that’s some horrible flirting.

Boodram: OH I AGREE.

Boodram: Makes this even more hilarious.

Boodram: WAIT LMAOOOOOOOO

J.J.: I literally heard you trying to hold in your laugh just now. What happened?

Vaughny: ^^^^^^

Boodram: I’m trying to catch myself, give me a second. Slfjlkdjmldfjgnfsdfldf

Svetlana: OMG my woman is here. Not she is hugging Shane,

Svetlana: wait, is this is why you’re laughing?? What happened Zane? I can only distract Ilya for so long.

Vaughny: they are currently arguing about best Russian dessert. What dessert? Idk man. Idk Russian.

Boodram: Okay, so random man, was like Oh? Rose, is that your girlfriend? And as soon Shane was about to say no, Rose walked up to him saying “Shane, my baby” kissed on the cheek and gave him a big hug.

Boodram: sdkjfdbnkjdngdjfkjdkfjd. Random man looked like he was going to puke.

Boodram: then Rose said, okay going to my girlfriend now, and then random man found his breath.

J.J.: Well, Rose is now on Svet’s lap, and Rozanov is no longer distracted. This is about to get good.

Vaughny: He just spotted Shane, and went “who is that little man talking to my very handsome, beautiful husband?”

Vaughny: Random man better run. Russian terminator is on his way.

J.J.: y’all why Carter answered Roz and said, “oh, that’s random man.” Like he knows what we’re talking about ksdjsdjksksdjd.

Boodram: Random man just asked him about his favorite spots in the city, and Shane started to talk about tourist places 😭😭

Boodram: “oh and yelp has good reviews on which restaurants you should go to.”

Boodram: please I am creasing…

J.J.: “why is Bood laughing so hard while close to my husband? What is going on there?”

Vaughny: Roz just got up, he is on his way to you guys Bood. Please save the random man from his wrath.

Boodram: Nah.

Boodram: He should’ve caught on a long time ago lmaooooooo

Svetlana: wait I got distracted.

Svetlana: Oh no Ilya

Vaughny: LMAOOOOOOOOOOO DID ROZ JUST WALK UP AND KISS HOLLZY???

J.J.: I am screaming. Like literally screaming. Rose is watching me concerned.

J.J.: okay, we’ve caught Rose up on what’s happening.

Boodram: LMAODSOLCJDKJF NSDJKFDJFKSJD S

Boodram: Random man: Oh?  Roz: yes? Random man: Oh, I was just having a conversation with him. Roz: oh, did he tell you about his hot, sexy, talented, sexy, big dicked husband. Hollzy: Ilya…….

Svetlana: now why he had to say big dick……

J.J.: HELLO LMAOOOOOOOOO????????

Boodram: I hate him so much. So so so much 🤣🤣

Boodram: Random man: Oh we were just talking about places in the city to visit.

Boodram: Hollzy: yeah, I was suggesting the Thai restaurant that’s close to MSG and the hotel.

Boodram: Roz: the one that you hate????????

Vaughny: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Svetlana: Shane Hollander, you little shit lmaoooo

Boodram: Random man: Oh? I’ll leave y’all two now.

Boodram: Roz: good, my beautiful husband doesn’t need to speak to you.

Boodram: he is so???????

J.J.: what is wrong with him? Lmaoooo

Svetlana: how much time you have?

Vaughny: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Boodram: alright, they are gone back to the hotel. Roz talking about he needs to show his husband how sexy he is. I refused to ask any further questions.

Svetlana: smart

J.J.: maybe, it is time to go back home.

Boodram: LALALALLALALA I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT Y’ALL SEXING.

Vaughny: breaking news, Zane Boodram, despite being in a group chat full of queer people, found Homophobic, again.

Boodram: boy, fuck you 🖕🏾

J.J.: woah woah, that’s my job.

Svetlana: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

Vaughny: 🤭

Boodram: 🙄

[next morning]

Shane: Good Morning 🙂

Shane: So, I am very oblivious huh?

J.J.: bonjour capitaine!

J.J.: Oui!

Vaughny: Yes

Svetlana: Da

Boodram: Yurrrp

Boodram: he is on this bus asking  our teammates, and they are all telling him yes lmaoo.

J.J.: LMAOOOOO

Shane: Hmmm…

Shane: So, what you’re saying to me is… this man was flirting with me last night?

Shane: also, I didn’t want to suggest a restaurant I liked because it would get crowded :/

Svetlana: lmaooooooo

Boodram: oh my gosh lmaoooooo

Boodram: but yes, that is indeed what was happening last night

Shane: hmmm

J.J.: to be fair capitaine, you’ve always been oblivious to flirting lmaooo

Shane: wait… what do you mean?

J.J.: before I knew you were jouer à la maison with Rozanov, I was hoping we could get you a nice man in Montreal.

Svetlana: Nice, man, in Montreal??? What an oxymoron.

Boodram: LMAOOOOOOOOO

J.J.: I know better now 😭

J.J.: but yeah, sent this nice gentleman to him. The guy said, he liked what he sees in the city, looked Shane up and down, and Capitaine started to talk to him about real estate.

Svetlana: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Shane: oh, that’s what he was talking about.

Boodram: Oh, Hollzy 😭😭

Vaughny: never change Hollander, never change.

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

J.J: Je m’ennuie.

Svetlana: and that’s our problem because?

J.J.: because Carter decided that he had to do on a business trip. So, I am home bored.

Svetlana: damn, play with your dick or something.

J.J.: I can only do that for so long.

Boodram: sometimes, I wish I didn’t have eyes.

Svetlana: 😭😭

Shane: wow

Shane: How can we help with your boredom in a non-touching your dick way?

Boodram: the formality of this question is sending me lmaoooo

Svetlana: same 😂

J.J.: Honestly, je ne sais pas.

Boodram: welp, guess I’ll just ask a question.

Boodram: what song allyuh have on repeat right now???

Svetlana: In a throwback mood this past week.

Svetlana: [sends link to Doo Wop (That Thing) by Lauryn Hill ]

J.J.: ouuuuuuuuu that’s such a good song!

Boodram: That THIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG

Svetlana: remember that fellas, they only want that thing 

Shane: what thing?

Svetlana: your penis

Shane: Oh.

J.J.: 😭 I can imagine the look of confusion on capitaine’s face right now. 😭

Boodram: like he is sooooo perplexed rn lmaoooooooooooo

Shane: I am 😭

Shane: but this is the song I’ve been listening to. Well more like Ilya has been listening to.

Shane: [sends link to DtMF by Bad Bunny]

Svetlana: sounds about right, Ilya is a slut for Bad Bunny

J.J.: I mean……. I don’t wrong him

Shane: same.

Svetlana: okay captain gay and his sidekick gay boy.

Boodram: LMAOOO ??????????

Boodram: but big up to baaah buhhhnaaayyyy

J.J.: sidekick gay boy is crazy. I couldn’t have a better name?

Shane: don’t encourage her???

Svetlana: garçon gai???

Shane: 💀

Shane: You see? Lool

Boodram: 😭😭

J.J.: yeah I walked into that.

Boodram: headfirst

J.J.: how I like it.

Boodram: MAN…... FUCK OFF lmaoooo

Boodram: what’s your song Boiziau???

J.J.: [sends link to My Princess Gone by Jah Mason]

J.J.: because my prince is gone 🥲

Svetlana: the dramatics?????? Isn’t Carter in New Jersey?

J.J.: AND THAT’S FAR FAR AWAY SVETLANA VETROVA

Shane: Okay, but did he left you note saying that he is going to stay in New Jersey?

Shane: (I just pressed play on the song)

J.J.: No….

Shane: so, you’re being dramatic for no reason?

J.J.: don’t act you don’t feel like the world is burning when Rozanov is away for a couple days Hollander.

Shane: It’s a trauma response for being in a long distance closeted situationship for 8 years. Leave me alone!

Svetlana: LMAOOOOOOO KSDJKDFJS

Boodram: when you put it in that perspective 😭….

Boodram: Also, I love this song.

J.J.: whatever guys. You asked a question and I answered!

J.J.: the song is also very good lmao.

Svetlana: smh I cannot 😂

Svetlana: what do you have for us Bood?

Boodram: 😁

Boodram: [sends link to Speedy Da Bur by Ridge]

Shane: Speedy Da Bur?

Shane: Speeed.. da  Bur??

Shane: Speeeeed da Butt?

Shane: SPIT IN DA BUTT?????

Boodram: OUUUUUU OUUU OUUU 🗣️

Svetlana: wow, the adlib is “Bottom”, this was made for Shane.

Shane: ??????????

Boodram: SKDJSKFDJFNsdkdfjjkdjfak

J.J.: 😮 Oh my.

Shane: the song is about spitting in her butt?

J.J.: Yes.

Shane: Oh… okay.

Shane: I mean, yes. But that cannot be the primary source of lubrication.

Shane: spit as lube is very much a time and place activity, but I do recommend purchasing a high-quality lube for any anal activities, especially if using a condom.

Shane: and also make sure to check the ingredients, in case of any possibilities of an allergic reaction.

Boodram: dis man just make turn a song about ass eating into a safe sex PSA.  

Boodram: I am so impressed.

Svetlana: No like, never change Shane Hollander. Never Change.

J.J.: ^^^^^

Shane: I don’t plan to 😄

Vaughny: on a break from these meetings and I am quickly catching up.

Vaughny: Babe, stop being dramatic. Svet, great song choice. We need to talk about Lauryn Hill more. Hollzy, ofc Bad Bunny, but I too would be a slut for the Bunny.  Babe 😂😭 I’ll be home tonight. It’s okay. Also, speedy da bur, did numbers in NYC. Thanks for the PSA Hollander.

Vaughny: my song

Vaughny: [sends link to On Sight by Coco Jones]

Vaughny: Aight, later guys. 😛

Boodram: AND AFTER THAT LET ME RIDE???????

Shane: 😂😂

J.J.: Yeahhhhh????

J.J.: let me start stretching from now.

Svetlana: Oh brother….

Chapter End Notes

- If these Caribbean artist knew that their songs would be referenced in gay hockey fan fiction, I think they would stone me, and then themselves LMAOOOOOOO
- I, once again, love Shane Hollander. I also love Ilya Rozanov, and will find a way to include that white man while he remain outside of the chat because its POC only… duhhhhhhh
- I was thinking, if they cast Troy to be biracial in the show, do I include him? Like I am not opposed to adding more gay people to this chat lmaooo.
- Anyways, leave your comments, I like reading them.
- If someone recommended this to you, let me know where/how/who?
- Follow me on the tweets at yam_headash. I be on thereeee.
-

Translations:
Jouer à la Maison - playing house
Je m’ennuie. - I’m bored
Je ne sais pas - i don’t know

 

Songs:
Doo Woo (That Thing) - Lauryn Hill
DtMF - Bad Bunny
My Princess Gone - Jah Mason
Speedy Da Bur - Ridge
On Sight - Coco Jones

Chapter 8: Playlist by J.J., Vaughny, Bood, Svet and I

Chapter Notes

I needed a fun way to share the playlist lmao. Quick sumn sumn I wrote at work while my head feels funny. Enjoy.

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Shane: So, I am finalizing something.

Shane: can you guys share what you’re listening to right now, at this exact moment.

Vaughny: Like… what’s in my ears right now?

Shane: Yes….

Svetlana: I love when Shane Hollander tells me what to do, it’s so hot.

Shane: Ilya is threatening to fight you right now.

Svetlana: I also love rage baiting that white boy 😂

Svetlana: [sends link to Can You Stand the Rain by New Edition]

Boodram: not you listening to bobby and dem

Svetlana: Mayor announced New Edition Day, so I’ve been in a mood. You know Boston love them some New Edition.

Shane: oh, I just learn something new. New rabbit hole unlooked.

Vaughny: [sends link to into the thick of it by Backyardigans]

Vaughny: Don’t ask any questions….

Boodram: thank you for reminding me that I need to put Milo on to the Backyardigans

Boodram: Also… I am asking questions. Many questions. Such as: why? What emotions are you trying to convey? Why that song out of all Backyardigans songs? I personally like International Superspy. Do you know that in this chat, this song will trigger euphemisms such as…. What is the it? Why are you in the thick of said it?

Boodram: Does J.J. know that you’re in said it?

Vaughny: Man, fuck you lmaoo. You get on my nerves.

Shane: the it is J.J.’s ass, and he is in the thick of it.

Boodram: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL SDKFDJHNTKFDFKJDKJD

Vaughny: I hate it here…

Svetlana: 😭😭😭 It sure is thick.

J.J.: what is thick?

Boodram: your ass

J.J.: ??????????????

J.J.: I mean yes, but I am taken man Bood. I don’t think Cassie would be pleased with this.

Boodram: man, hush. LMAOO. Cassie got a “fattest ass in the league” chart.

Svetlana: and let me guess, Shane is number one.

Shane: wait…

Boodram: yes.

Vaughny: LMAOOOOOOOOOO DKFJDKJDFKJF

Shane: thanks? I guess

J.J.: what is happening???

Shane: just scroll up and read!

Svetlana: now, you know men don’t read.

Shane: that is true.

Vaughny: He really doesn’t lmao

Boodram: in defense of my good friend Jean-Jacques… he just saw thick and got confused.

Svetlana: you’re always defending someone. Defend yourself Zane!

Shane: that’s deep.

Boodram: like how Vaughny be in the thick of it.

Vaughny: MAN FUCK YOU.

Boodram: no no, not me…. J.J.

Svetlana: skldjsdjksjd

Shane: 😭😭

Vaughny: 

J.J.: Okay Amis! I’ve finished reading.

J.J.: [sends link to Bouwey by 1T1]

Boodram: Ohhh this is a good song!!

Boodram: [sends link to Get the Fuck Back by Ludacris ft Shawnna, I-20, and Fate Wilson]

Shane: thanks guys!

Vaughny: what a throwback Bood!

Shane: I was writing down everyone song suggestions from years ago and I finally decided to make a playlist lol.

Shane: Playlist by J.J., Vaughny, Bood, Svet and I 

Boodram: gah damn this shit is 5 hours long.

Svetlana: and random as hell lmaooo..

Chapter End Notes

Again, the playlist is random as hell. There is no cohesion, no order. Do feel free to listen to each song as it appears throughout this fic. If songs are mentioned in future chapters, they will be added to the playlist. Here is it one more time for your enjoyment.

Playlist by J.J., Vaughny, Bood, Svet and I 

Chapter 9: Scott Hunter Thinks He is the Best Gay Hockey Player*

Chapter Notes

- This came to me a prophecy (in the shower once again lmao)
- The time period for this is somewhere after J.J. is traded to New York (in my canon) and he and Carter are publicly together
- Spoilers (?) for HSM series I guess. Idk lmaoo
- Playlist has been updated with the songs mentioned in this chapter.
- Please please please read the end notes when you’re done.
- Translations at the end.
- Happy reading and happy easter to those who celebrate.

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

group facetime call: Vaughny, Sveta, Boodram, You

“Yoooow!” Carter yelled as Zane, Svetlana and Shane answered his call to the group chat. They could see that he was currently sitting in front of his locker, half dressed in whatever he wore to practice that day. Next to him was J.J. who was animatedly discussing something with someone across the locker room. Shane knew that whatever this call was about, that it’s going to be very entertaining.

“Bonjour, mon amis!” J.J. yelled as he peaked towards the camera.

“Bon jour to you too, Boiziau.” Zane answered as he dramatically plopped down on what looked like his living room couch.

“Privet.” Svetlana giggled, angling her phone on something at her work desk.

“Hello guys, can I ask why we are being subjected to the Admirals locker room?” Shane finally asked, snuggling into Ilya’s shoulder. After a loud series of shouting, Carter told the locker room to be quiet before turning back to his phone.

“Oh yes. We are having a debate in the locker room. Well, more of us yelling at Scott, because he said and I quote that when he retires, he would be known as the best gay hockey player, like Shane fucking Hollander doesn’t exist!” Carter said with an exasperated tone.  

“I did not say the best! I said one of the best!” Scott’s voice echoed through the receiver. While the arguing started back up in the locker room, Shane let out a loud squeal that got everyone’s attention.

“Sorry, I was making sure that my husband was a real being for a second.” Ilya said as he pushed his face into the camera. “I know Hunter is getting old, but there is no way he forgot that Shane is not only the best hockey player, but also gay.”

“Thank you, Roz!” J.J. yelled to the room. “Shane Hollander is gay!”

“I don’t think we need to scream it out though.” Shane chuckled at the theatrics that was happening. Looking at the other squares, he saw both Zane and Svetlana chuckled, and Zane looked like he was about to add fuel to the fire.

“If we are being honest here.” Zane started. “Barrett is also gay, and by the time Luca is our age, he is certainly will be in the record books. So, I don’t know.” Zane shrugged.  Shane giggled as Ilya yelled thank you to Zane, and the locker room erupted into arguments if Scott is even top 5.

“I’m not going to be insane and say Hunter is not top 5 gay players of all time. For sure.” J.J. argued. “But number one? Non! Jamais!”

“I agree, but you know there is an angle that we are forgetting here.” Svetlana finally spoke up with a smirk plastered across her face.

“I know that voice!” A random voice yelled from across the locker room. “Bro, is that Svetlana Vetrova? Front office of the Bears? Omg, Vaughny put me on!” Cater pushed his face up at his teammate advances before rolling his eyes.

“Wouldn’t that be tampering?” Another voice chimed in. The locker room then quickly erupted into a conversation on if it’s tampering or not to date Svetlana.

“Anyways! She is taken, and even if she wasn’t, she doesn’t want any of you losers.” Carter added, quitting the locker room. “And you were saying Svet.”

Svetlana laughed as Ilya muttered Russian words about tired of having to fend people off both his husband and best friend, before finishing her thought.

“As I was saying, we are only talking about gay hockey players. If we talk about queer hockey players, Scott might be top 10.”

“Good point Svet!” Zane pipped up. “Because obviously, Roz is number two.”

“What?” Ilya yelled, taking the phone from Shane’s hand. “I’m literally the best player in the league.” Everyone on the call and the locker room all hummed and shrug, before mumbling that it’s not true.

“Fine. Whatever. Say it’s Hollander. I’m way better than Hunter though.”

“And that is true.” Svetlana said. “We need to consider all the bisexuals that played hockey.”

“My super smart best friend. You are right.” Ilya said. “Look, Boiziau and Carter can be added to the list.”

“What about that guy out in San Jose? Isn’t he also bi?” Zane added.

“Yeah, and then we could always list Zane Boodram as well. Like he tells us he is gay, but we aren’t too sure.” J.J. added with a shrug.

“Hey!” Zane defended himself. “Fellas, is it gay to call your queer friends sexy?” A chorus of yeses and laughs from both the call and the locker filled the receiver as Zane rolled his eyes, mouthing whatever.

“Eric was a really, really good Hockey.” Shane added. Scott let out a loud groan as he threw his hands up in defeat.

“Fine, I was wrong. Shit.” Scott huffed.

“I mean, if we put Kip on skates and make him play for a year or two, he might beat you.” Ilya added the last fuel to the fire. Shane hit his chest lightly as the group erupted into more laughter.

“Whatever.” Scott rebutted. “Just remember I am your captain and in charge of our next practice.”

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: So, Cassie and I were doing our quarterly rewatch of the High School Musical trilogy with her sister, and it just dawn on me

Boodram: Shane Hollander is Gabriella Montez

Shane: Oh??

Shane: How?

Svetlana: Have you ever watched the high school musical movies Shane?

Svetlana: Also, yes Zane. I could see this.

Shane:  Yes, Svet! I have. I actually really like musicals. I watch Grease with my parents every year.

Vaughny: Shane Hollander, you never fail to impress me.

J.J.: Oh we used to watch so much of them. Hairspray nights were the best. Les Misérables got emotional every time.

Shane: ugh, do not get me started on that movie!!

Boodram: I love new Shane Hollander lore.

Boodram: But yes, he is Gabrielle Montez because even though he wanted Ilya bad and still liked him a lot, he was focused on his goals just like how Gabrielle was focused on hers.

Boodram: you think she was letting that little basketball boy stop her from Standford????? Nope he was begging and pleading and even changed schools to be close to her.

Boodram: and who moved to Ottawa to be close to Hollander?????

Boodram: exactly.

Shane: 😮

Shane: When you put it like that? I can see it.

Shane: I also like to hum you are the music in me to Ilya.

Svetlana: awwww 🥺

Vaughny: That is disgustingly sweet. But yes, I agree with you Bood. Hollzy is Gabrielle.

J.J.: So who is Sharpay then???

Svetlana: not me for sure!

Shane: Not you Svet.

Shane: and maybe Sharpay is just the expectations of performing comp het as a male athlete, especially as a Hockey Player.

Boodram: I-

Boodram: you know what…. LMAOOOOO. Sure.

J.J.: ?????? not the answer I was thinking about but ….

Vaughny: lmaaooooooooooooooooo

Svetlana: 😂😂 I need Shane to write a book

Shane: about what?

Svetlana: Hockey… duhhh. Your commentary would just be very hilarious.

Shane: Hmmm…. I might pitch this idea to my mother.

J.J.: while capitaine is figuring out being a New York times best-selling author….

J.J.: just want to let y’all know that I told him I don’t dance was about him and Rozanov

J.J.: Think about it.

Svetlana: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Svetlana: skjfskjdsjdds Is Ilya Ryan in this scenario?

J.J.: yes

Svetlana: I. AM. WHEEZING.

Shane: I STILL DON’T GET IT.

Boodram: It’s about gay sex. You’re like I only do hockey. Roz is like I do hockey and I do gay sex, do gay sex with me. And then you fake pretend you don’t want to do gay sex.

Boodram: simple bimple.

Shane: That song is not about gay sex.

Shane: It’s about dancing! While a full choreography is happening but that’s just musical logic!

Vaughny: well…… things can have multiple meanings Hollzy.

Vaughny: plus, Kenny Ortega did say those characters were supposed to be gay.

J.J.: They were fucking that summer, and Taylor was watching. I don’t care, that’s cannon to me!

Shane: this is taking a turn I was not anticipating.

Boodram: Wait, you think THEEE Taylor McKessie was just watching?????

Boodram: that is a strong woman, she was directing

Shane: what is happening???

Vaughny: I can actually see that. She was telling Chad how to take it.

Svetlana: Definitely came with all the supplies.

Shane: ?????????????

Shane: WHAT?

Boodram: Anyways, back to the main point. Hollzy is Gabriella Montez, and I Don’t Dance is a testimony of Hollanov.

Shane: …

Shane: I guess…

Shane: I will say, I do think the song I like to sing to Ilya is You’re the One That I Want from Grease.

Svetlana: OH MY GOSH YOU SAW YOURSELF AS SANDY AND ILYA AS DANNY ??????

Boodram: Roz with the cig… oh

Vaughny: Ha. Hollzy likes bad boys.

J.J.: Capitaine likes bad boys? Fork found in kitchen.

Shane: isn’t forks supposed to be in the kitchen? Where else would you keep a fork?

Shane: well, I guess you can have one at your desk at work.

J.J: Capitaine lmaooooooo

Shane: But sue me! I like them a little bad!  He is good for me though

Shane: [sends video of Shane and Ilya singing You’re the One that I want to each other in their living room]

Svetlana: this is soooooooo sweet 🥺

J.J.: Ugh, y’all are so in love it’s disgusting.

Vaughny: and it makes my heart feel full! Yes sing to your man.

Boodram: oh wow, for some reason my eyes are sweating. That’s crazy

Chapter End Notes

- Yeah this chapter was 100000% pure crack lmaoo
- I don’t know why I felt to torture Scott Hunter, but aye, here we are lmaoo
- Shane’s fav HSM movie is HSM 2 and Ilya’s is HSM 3. That’s how I view it in my head. Ilya liked how pretty HSM3 looked lmao.
- The timeline for the rest of this fic is going to continue to be abstract. Just any time after J.J. and Carter are out. I can’t think of dates any more. I know some folks who are reading Mec, j’ai besoin, which is the fic about J.J. and Carter were like wait they figured it out? Yes. In this text fic, it was established that they end up together, the fic is just the back story.
- With that being said, I have an entire outline for the rest of the series. Most of the fics in this series are like back stories or a deeper look into this friendship and other relationships. So Mec, j’ai besoin is about J.J and Carter, when that’s complete there will be one about Svetlana and Rose, then a Zane centric one, and one about different times the group hang out with each other. The last fic in this series will be a stand alone Hollanov AU. It’s a part of the series because the friendships is core to the story but the AU will be a little insane. Because of this long long ramble, I really implore you to subscribe to the series and be a pat of this longer journey. This fic really gets updated based on whatever fun/funny idea that comes to me tbh lmao. But it has established the canon for my universe.
- Hope you enjoyed and looking forward to your comments.

Translations
Bonjour - hello
Privet - hello
Non - no
Jamis - never

Songs
You Are the Music In Me - Vanessa Hudgens & Zac Efron (High School Musical 2)
I Don’t Dance - Corbin Bleu & Lucas Gabreel (High School Musical 2)
You’re The One I Want - Olivia Newton John & John Travolta (Grease)

Fic based Playlist: Playlist by J.J., Vaughny, Bood, Svet and I

Chapter 10: Asking All Them Questions

Chapter Notes

- You guessed it. Wrote this at work lmao
- Talking about work, I have a coworker and she in her 50s. That woman has zero emotional regulation and because she takes everything to heart and yells (and eventually cries) about it, we are currently beefing with the accounting department. I just… #freeashcooper
- This as always, came to me as a prophecy (in the shower). Please it is purely purely crack. Nothing serious was written.
- Translations at the end as always. Enjoy Ending

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Shane: Zane Jamel Boodram, do not.

Boodram: Shane Hollander.

Boodram: You can’t stop me from celebrating 😛

Svetlana: what are we celebrating?

Svetlana: Also, I find it so iconic that Shane doesn’t have a middle name.

Svetlana: Yuna and David said, my son will be so iconic, all you need to know is Shane Hollander.

Svetlana: And they were correct.

Boodram: AND WAS

Booderam: Also I am celebrating, because after knowing Shane Hollander for over a decade, he has finally agreed to try some Puncheon.

Boodram: I AM CELBRATING

Boodram: I AM SHOUTING

Shane: it’s not that big of a deal. I just want to taste it.

J.J.: oh but it is!

Vaughny: That shit will have you on your ass.

Boodram: I AM JUMPING UP TO THE CEILING

Boodram: BECAUSE I HAVE A WONDERFUL FEELING

Vaughny: just drunk and horny

Shane: Okay, but according to you guys, I am always horny. So what’s the issue.

J.J.: ugh, I love how you’ve acknowledged this.

Shane: 🙄

Shane: tas-toi

Boodram: 

Svetlana: I think you’re a little too excited lmaoo

Shane: thank you.
Shane: just one shot. I swear I’ll be fine

Vaughny: and when your legs are sore because Roz ends up putting you in positions you’ve never been in before… mhhm

Svetlana: this sounds like you’re talking from experience Vaughny lmaoo

Shane: ^^^^

J.J.: 😈

Svetlana: FREAKS 🫵🏾

Boodram: 

Shane: Not me

Vaughny: I KNOW CAPTAIN FREAKY BOY AIN’T TALKING.

Svetlana: sdlfjdfkjdfklfdjudjfdjf

Shane: Captain what???

J.J.: yeah, I know we’re bad, but you and Roz are worse.

Shane: Definity not!
Shane: the other day, you were talking about fucking on a Zamboni.
Shane: I have never fucked on a Zamboni.

Vaughny: yeah yeah yeah

Boodram: 

J.J.: Should I call Ryan Price to list all the places he has caught you 🫵🏾 fucking?

Shane: That’s a low blow J.J.

Shane: Ryan just unlucky

Svetlana: 🐇🐇

Svetlana: But, umm idk why this is a conversation when you are all indeed horny rabbits.

Shane: I am not!

J.J.: The other day, Capitaine and I was talking and he talking about how Roz cummed in him, ate it out, and cum swap with him.

J.J.: soooooooooo

Shane: can’t tell your friends nothing in confidential anymore!

Vaughny: woke

Svetlana: this is sending me.

Boodram: alright. I’m done, let me catch up.

Boodram: I have now regretted catching up.

Svetlana: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

J.J.: yeah, not sorry.

Shane: ^^^

Vaughny: ^^^

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: WHERE?

Shane: 👀

Vaughny: WHO?

Boodram: YOU’VE BEEN WHERE?

Vaughny: WITH WHO?

Shane: with Ilya??

J.J.: Oh this going to be good lmao

Boodram: HMMMMM FOREAL

Vaughny: OR REALLY?

Boodram: THAT’S HOW YOU FEEL?

Shane: feel what? What is happening?

Svetlana: Oh boy 😂

Boodram: (and then the guys be like)

Vaughny: ASKING ALL THEM QUESTIONS

Boodram: ASKING ALL THEM QUESTIONS

Vaughny: WHY YOU ASKING ALL THEM QUESTIONS

Shane: I think questions are important to understand what’s happening in life?
Shane: and what guys?

Boodram: MAKING STATEMENTS

Vaughny: ASSUMING?

Shane: Who is assuming? J.J.? Svet?

Shane: can someone tell me what is happening?

Svetlana: Oh Shane lmaoo. Just ignore them lmaoo

Boodram: ASKING ALL THEM QUESTIONS

Vaughny: ASKING ALL THEM QUESTIONS

Boodram: WHY YOU ASKING ALL THEM QUESTIONS

Vaughny: MAKING STATEMENTS

Boodram: ASSUMING?

Vaughny: HMMMMM WHERE YOU BEEN?

Shane: I feel this was asked before???

Shane: Why is this so repetitive?

J.J.: Capitaine, please lmaoooooooooo

J.J.: just don’t think about it. I know what they’re doing.

Boodram: HOW MUCH? HOW MUCH? HOW MUCH DID YOU SPEND?

Shane: well, I just invested in some new property on Ottawa Beach, I think it was around 2.3 million CAD.

Svetlana: sheeesh… call us broke again.

J.J.: L'argent, l'argent

Vaughny: YEAH I TRUST YOU, NOW UNLOCK YOUR PHONE

Boodram: UHUH UHUH? WHO IS THIS

Boodram: HOE?

Shane: Ilya?

Shane: I mean he is not a hoe anymore. More like reformed.

J.J.: I AM HOLLERING.

Svetlana: 😭😭😂 whack that white man again!

Vaughny: SEE WHY YOU PLAYINGN WITH ME

Vaughny: THAT’S THE SAME REASON WHY YOU AIN’T STAYING WITH ME

Boodram: YOU TRYING GET UP IN THESE DRAWERS YOU AIN’T LAYING WITH ME

Boodram: I AIN’T EVEN TRYNA HEAR WHAT YOU SAYING TO ME

Vaughny: JUST GRAB YOUR STUFF

Vaughny: HIT THE DOOR

Boodram: GO CHILL WITH THEM OTHER GIRLS

Vaughny: THAT IS WHY HER WEAVE STANK

Shane: wait… that’s not nice 🙁

Shane: what if she had a particularly hard week and didn’t have time to get her hair done.

Shane: Didn’t Svet taught us about the policing of Black hair?

Shane: Am I the only one that pays attention?

J.J.: 😭😭 you’re so enduring

Svetlana: THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO ME SHANE HOLLANDER.

Shane: Always Svetlana Vetrova 🩵

Boodram: TALKING BOUT SOME BEACH CURLS

Boodram: PLEASE

Boodram: SHE RATCHET

Shane: 😮

Svetlana: sd,kfjdnfkjdsfndfjkrkdfdkfjf

Vaughny: THAT’S WHY I’M PREGNANT AND YOU THE PAPI

Shane: Oh? Congratulations Vaughny and J.J.

J.J.: LMAOOOOOOOO Merci. I think lmao

Shane: Like, I don’t know if it’s biologically possible?

Shane: Like trust me, Ilya has been trying.

Svetlana: I could’ve lived without knowing that

Vaughny: AH HA

Vaughny: LOOKING STUPID THAT’S WHAT YOU GET

Boodram: WALKING ROUND HERE LYING THINKING THAT YOU SLICK

Boodram: BUT YOU DUMB

Vaughny: YOU STUPID

Shane: wait…. This can’t be about J.J. anymore right?

Boodram: UH DON’T TALK WHEN I’M TALKING YOU BETTER MUTE IT.

Vaughny: NOW UNLOCK YOUR PHONE LET ME SEE THEM PICTURRES

Boodram: I’MMA CHECK YOUR FACEBOOK AND I’MMA CHECK YOUR TWITTER.

Shane: I haven’t had a facebook account since 2011.

Shane: I remember when you could’ve poked people

Svetlana: Same! I used torment Ilyusha with that all the time

Shane: Good.
Shane: Also, I don’t know what just happened.

Shane: Is this what the twilight zone feels like?

Boodram: Yes.

Vaughny: 😂😂 that was fun.

J.J.: They conspired to confuse you Capitaine. They were singing a song lmao

Shane: that’s…

Shane: Okay.

Shane: I’m not adding this to the playlist.

Svetlana: LMAOOOOOOOOO

Boodram: Boooooo (doubt it’s on streaming though)

Boodram: Asking All Them Questions by Emmanuel Hudson and Spoken Reasons.

Shane: Not pressing play. You conspired to betray me.

Boodram: LMAOOOO?????? Not me being et tu brute?

Vaughny: At least you’re not Judas.

Chapter End Notes

- So for context, Puncheon is a Trinidad rum, and it’s 73% proof. It would knock you out.
- Asking All Them Questions was my shit in high school (idk if I’m aging myself here or infantilizing) and I just needed to get it out of my system.
- Differently, Mec , j’ai besoin (you should go read it) only has 3 more chapters and an epilogue left, which means the Roselana fic is closer than you think. I believe you should subscribe to series.
- Hope you’ve enjoyed this. Love reading your comments.
Translations:
L'argent, l'argent - money, money
Tas-toi - shut up

Chapter 11: Dr. Cassandra

Chapter Notes

Opening:
- Important announcement at the end
- Wrote this at work for sure.
- Translations at the end

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: ALLYUH

Boodram: ALLLYUHHHHHHHHHHHH

J.J.: Why are you yelling?

Shane: ^^^^

Svetlana: I bet you it’s some bs he wants to say.

Vaughny: The fact I can hear the text, says a lot

Boodram:  I was feeling ill 🤒

Shane: when? We just got home from practice and you look more than well.

Boodram: when I get the house call from Dr. Cassandra

J.J.: ???????? I thought Lisa was the doctor, not Cassie.

Shane: that’s what I’m saying?

Boodram: She give me pills, now my whole body feeling better than ever

Shane: I am happy for you. But maybe you should let us know if you’re sick.

Boodram: She give me one injection in my midsection – I didn’t have to pay.

Shane: We have good health care, but also injection?

Boodram: then she give me something and tell me swallow, fever gone right away

Svetlana: ahhhh lmaooo.

Vaughny: I have a feeling where this is going.

J.J.: Smh lmaoo, ce fou.

Boodram: one injection in my midsection

Boodram: I didn’t have to pay

Shane: Oh, not this again… sigh

Boodram: Then she give me something and tell me swallow, fever gone right away.

Boodram: when you coming back? Cassandra when you coming back to give me medicine?

Shane: Cassie should take away your phone. That’s what she supposed to do.

Svetlana: LMAOOOOOOO.

Vaughny: Bood is always raising Hollzy’s blood pressure lmaoo

Shane: every day.

J.J.: poor capitaine 😂

Boodram: Dr. Cassandra by The Mighty Gabby

Boodram: Now that I have everyone’s attention.

Boodram: Hollander!

Shane: That’s me.

Boodram: So a while ago, I was talking to Dykstra and my lesbian home girl Liz right.

J.J.: I have a feeling this is not going to be good lmao.

Shane: I am scared.

Boodram: Pshhh
Boodram: anyways, we were talking about having sex with women because Liz is like super gay. She is the gayest person I know, and that comes from me who play for the Centaurs. And she told us how she had sex with men and I was like why???

Boodram: then it went to complying to heteronormative behavior despite your body and brain telling you otherwise, and my mind went back to my good friend Shane Hollander. You had girlfriends right? You was riding dem?

Vaughny: you know, despite the last question, that sounds like an insightful conversation.

Svetlana: very surprising. I’ve met Liz, she is very dude bro.

Shane: riding as in having sex and not the cowboy position right?

Boodram: Sì

Shane: Yeah. It sucked.

J.J.: Yeah, I’m certain capitaine prefers to be fucked and not doing the fucking.

Svetlana: maybe the sight of a vagina was just too much for him. Dick only!

Boodram: did the women liked it?

Shane: no one really complained. I just know it was lackluster.

Shane: I’ve also learnt the standards for hetro sex is nonexistent so.

Shane: I will say, I would get good reviews for my head. I had to ensure someone orgasmed.

Svetlana: 😭😭

Boodram: you know what? Lmaooo fairs.

J.J.: capitaine into cunnilingus, I wish I was surprised.

Shane: ???????

J.J.: dicks are just evolved clits.

Vaughny: Baby, LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Svetlana: sdkjfdfndkjnfdkfjjfdjff.

Boodram: we have successfully made hetero sex into Shane’s love for sucking dick. We are a talented people.

Shane: firstly, I don’t love sucking dick.

Svetlana: Shane Hollander.

Boodram: I know he didn’t just…..

J.J.: I will send a folder worth of screenshots right now.

Shane: okay, fine fine fine.

Shane: I love sucking dick.

Vaughny: now you don’t have to yell it.

Shane: …..

Svetlana: skskskksksks

Vaughny: LMAOOO

Boodram: Okay, question for my bi and pan baddies… Shane, don’t answer. Which is harder, eating pussy or sucking dick.

J.J.: eating pussy

Vaughny: eating pussy

Svetlana: eating pussy.

Svetlana: not for me though, I’m an expert. Ask Rose 😏

Vaughny: OH BROTHER lmaoooooo

Svetlana: oh, y’all being lesbianphobic now?????

J.J.: everyone in this damn chat so dramatic.

Shane: Not me.

J.J.: ……. Capitaine.

Shane: Fine. Including me.

Boodram: I had a follow up question but now I lost track.

Svetlana: OH SHANE. Rose said your head was decent. Obviously not as good as mine but you weren’t the worst.

Shane: thanks?????

Chapter End Notes

Okay, this was inspired by eleven out of ten by gurlsrool and a real life conversation my group chat was having yesterday lol

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMNTS.
Mec, j’ai besoin is complete! You can now read the whole fic.
The Roselana story, titled Between I and She is now up, and is apart of this series. Check it out!
Make sure to subscribe to the series (or me) for new fics and chapter updates.

Have a wonderful day. Bye!

Chapter 12: New Boy in Town

Chapter Summary

Introducing Marcus Lewis....

Chapter Notes

- This came to me in a prophecy (I was getting ready for work)
- Wrote this at work (you know the drillll)
- Introducing a brand new character, please welcome my very own ooc character - Marcus Lewis from Dorchester, Boston (woohooo)
- Enjoy lool

January 2025

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Svetlana: Please, we’ve discussed this numerous times. Be normal. Be nice. Do not scare him.

Shane: aren’t we always normal?

Svetlana: absolutely not.

Vaughny: oh, are we adding Lewis today?

Svetlana: yes. I have debriefed Marcus on the insanity of this group chat. But he is a nice young man that need solid, veteran support.

J.J.: and this is the group of people you want him involved with? lmaoooooooooo

J.J.: Svet, I don’t think we are the good option as collective… maybe individually?

Svetlana: look, I am already having regrets, but this little Black boy from Boston needs to talk to other people of colour in this league. Plus, I’ve kinda adopted him and I need y’all to take some responsibility.

Shane: Psh, it’s going to be fine Svet. Add Marcus!

Boodram: Do IT!!!

Svetlana: 🙄 y’all raise my blood pressure.

Svetlana adds unknown number

Svetlana: Marcus, here is the hell hole of a chat. Please introduce yourself!

Boodram: HELL HOLE??? Svet. This is THEEE safe space.

Boodram: Welcome Lewis! It’s fun in here 😏

Lewis: that emoji is scaring me

Lewis: Hi everyone, I’m Marcus Lewis. Born and raised in Boston, drafted to Carolina in like 2023 and then they hauled my ass over to the Bears 🐻

Lewis: Svetlana thought I was talented 🥹

Svetlana: and you’re also a baby

Lewis: Svetlana, I am a grown ass man 😡

Svetlana: you were born in the year 2005 

Shane: EXCUSE ME???

Shane: why are we letting toddlers in the league?

J.J.: shiiidddd…. I remember 2005. I was in high school.

Lewis: ???????????? High SCHOOL????

Vaughny: Ah boy, Lean With It dropped that year. Also, I Think They Like Me. Good times.

Shane: Do I know those songs?

Boodram: Probably not. Your high school locker room was white as hell. They were not leaning with it and rocking with it.

Svetlana: LMAOOOOO

Lewis: damn, y’all like a lot of old school songs.

Boodram: OLD SCHOOOOOOOOLLLL?????

Boodram: I just fell to my knees.

Boodram: this has been the toughest way I’ve been called old.

Vaughny: and here I was going to give a warm welcome because he fit the criteria tsk tsk

Shane: lmao not the criteria again.

Lewis: there was a criteria other than being poc?

J.J.: yeah, you had to be hot as well.

Lewis: Oh. Wait 😳

Lewis: I’ll take that lmao.

Lewis: I thought you would’ve said queer. Because I know Hollzy is with Rozanov, Boiziau and Vaughny are together, and Svetlana would not shut up about Rose.

Svetlana: WOAH WOAH WOAH. You’re being loud!

Lewis: uhhh huhhhh… you also be loud but ….. that’s tea for another time 👀

Svetlana: Marcus.

Lewis: Svetlana.

Shane: wait how you know this? (yes, she can be quite loud).

Svetlana: Shane, I know YOU not talking about being loud. Should we talk about how a neighbor called the fire department because they thought something wrong was happening at your house??????

Lewis: 😳

Lewis: HOLLANDER?

Shane: it was once 🙄 and they should mind their business. It’s not my fault I was having reunion sex after not seeing my husband for three days.

Lewis: three days warranted neighborhood concerning sex???

Shane: we were also out on the balcony in the back yard.

Lewis: wow, I’ve been here for five minutes and wow.

Lewis: I thought the younger Cens were overreacting when they said y’all were freaks.

Shane: OMG our sex is normal.

Boodram: It’s not.

J.J.: SO far from normal capitaine.

J.J.: but back to the original question, how do you know that Svet is loud?

Lewis: Ohh! I was crashing by her one night after we celebrated too hard and I guess Rose was in town? Idk, never knew lesbian sex was so vocal.

Svetlana: 😒 is it illegal to fuck my girlfriend now?

Vaughny: nah, but this is very funny because you give us a lot of shit lmaooo.

Svetlana: whatever. But yes this chat is gay as fuck.

Boodram: excluding me, I am the straightest man alive.

J.J.: YOU?? ZANE BOODRAM? I have to laugh

Lewis: 👀

Shane: Bood, yesterday you literally walked up to me in the lockeroom and unprompted went ‘you think J.J. and Carter would let us watch their sex tape? It would be hot.’

Shane: Soo…

Boodram: I SAID THAT IN CONFIDENTIALITY.

Vaughny: I AM HOLLERING SKDJSKDJSFKJDKJFXFDKFJJFJFJ

J.J.: Oh really now Bood????

Lewis: I feel like I am learning a lot right now.

Svetlana: I’m glad you brought that up Shane, because he asked me that same question two days ago. And said and I quote “and it gotta be J.J. bottoming.”

Vaughny: I too find it hot when J.J. is bottoming 🤭

J.J.: sdkjfdkfjdksdjd Bèl, please, don’t make me hard now.

Shane: aren’t y’all on a flight to LA right now

J.J.: exactly and as much as I would love to join the mile high club, we are too damn big for those bathrooms.

Lewis: yeah, those don’t look too comfortable.

Boodram: 

Shane: 😂

Vaughny: It’s okay Bood, we can be your gay dreams.

J.J.: NO????????/??

Svetlana: sdksjdndjf so yeah, maybe queer is a requirement

Lewis: well, good thing I believe hole is hole so.

Shane: pardon?

Boodram: hole is hole is a CRAZY statement.

Svetlana: no like?? Skdfjsdkjdfjffjdjfdffj

Svetlana: Marcus???????

Lewis: fine, yes, I am a member of the cocksucking brigade. I am also member of the pussy licking platoon and the ass eating infantry.

Shane: THE COCKSUCKING BRIGADE???????

Shane: and imagine Svet wanted us to behave normally.

J.J.: I’m giglging at ass eating infantry lmaooooooo

Boodram: every single word of that sentence is insane.

Vaughny: no like lmaooooooo kdfhjdjff

Vaughny: but good for you!!! You’re definitely in the right spot.

Svetlana: it’s gay as fuck (especially Bood)

Boodram: 😒

Boodram: ANYWAYS. Lewis – wait what’s your hockey nickname?

Lewis: Lewy

Boodram: Bet, so Lewy, tell us more about you besides hole is hole.

Shane: lmaooooooo

Lewis: well, like I said I’m from Boston – Dorchester to be specific, I am blackity black black black (as you can see), uhhh I play forward and I am haunted by the ghost of Ilya Rozanov in the bears locker room.

Shane: LMAOOOO. Please don’t tell him that.

Svetlana: no, like really do not. He will be even more insufferable.

Vaughny: ^^^^^^^^

Lewis: noted. Uhhh…. Idk, Svet thinks I’m weird because I still take the T

J.J.: that’s the subway right?

Svetlana: YES. And my multimillionaire rising star should not be relying on the Massachusetts Bay Transport Authority to get to work!!! You live in Revere Beach, drive!

Lewis: ughhhhh, I’ve lived here all my life. A little train delay don’t hurt nobody.

Svetlana: last game you were late because the blue line got stuck under the tunnel between Maverick and Aquarium…

Lewis: and I made it in time for the game and scored two goals????? Don’t see the issue.

Shane: Lewy, that’s not practical long term. At least on game days have a driver if you don’t want to drive into the city. Not only you risk missing games, but you can always get injured in a spot that’s difficult for medical teams to reach you in a timely manner. I think you should be allowed to explore your city, but you’ve made enough money now to hire a driver for those days.

Shane: I believe Jayson Tatum has one! I saw you met him a couple times, maybe he can hook you up.

Lewis: ughhhhh fine. Is he always this convincing and sensible?

J.J.:  yes

Boodram: yes.

Vaughny: yes.

Svetlana: eh, sometimes

Shane: whatever Svet lmaooo

Lewis: Plus, I mean, Tatum is fine soo….

Svetlana: with two children, and a girlfriend.

Lewis: what does that have to do with me?????

Svetlana: EVERYTHING??????

Shane: Oh? Who is his girlfriend?

J.J.: Ella Mai!

Shane: who?

Lewis: dkskdjskfkdjskfcdjsjfdcsj

Lewis: me when he mentions her while I flirt with him:

Boodram: Lewy, you are a sick fella LMAOOOO.

Boodram: Also, Hollzy…. We literally sang her song at Karaoke the other day!!!!

Shane: the Bada Boo’ed up song???

Boodram: YES!

Shane: Ah that’s a good song.

Shane: Ilya played a new one when she sang about cleaning watches. Was that about Jayson?

Boodram: so dem say yes lmao

Shane: hmmm, I think they have enough money to get that done professionally.

Svetlana: THANK YOUUUUUUU!

Svetlana: I should talk to her.

Lewis: NO! Then your lesbianism is going to rub off on her, and she going leave him for you and join you and Rose into a thropple and then he would never talk to me again because he would start beefing with the Bears and then request a trade from the Celtics. WE NEED HIM. I NEED HIM SVET.

J.J.: oh wow.

Svetlana: bye Marucs 🙄

Vaughny: you would be good at writing fan fiction, though I am unsure how unethical writing self-insert rpf would be.

Shane: this is so funny. Like I’m just on this couch chuckling.

Boodram: Okay, I’m invested, obviously Lewy type is light skin basketball players. Have you ever shoot your shot at like Jared McCain?

Vaughny: from the sixers??

Boodram: Yes!

Lewis: 🤭

Lewis: anyways

J.J.: LMAOOOOO ATTABOY.

Shane: and Svet was worried he wouldn’t fit in the chat.

Svetlana: I’m going to ask my doctor for heart medication at this rate….

Chapter End Notes

- So that shit with the blue line happened when I was still living in Boston and I was in the comfort of my home lmao
- Obviously describing how Marcus looks over text fic is not great writing prose but imagine him looking like Caleb Mclaughlin - with the goatee situation he got going on.(from stranger things), and have a voice that’s raspy like Miles Caton (from Sinners) and have the height and build of Tyrique Withers. Yeaaaah! So yeah he is a darkskin baddie.
- I made him significantly younger because I needed them to have a crisis. Remember Shane was born 1991, for my cannon I made Carter and J.J. to be born 1990, Svet is a little younger at 1993 and Bood was born 1994 (in my head!) so everyone is over 30 and this 19 going on 20 year old talking about he was born 2005 would throw them off a bit.
- Made Marcus from Boston because I feel black people from Boston don’t get enough shine. They are a fascinating bunch (snarky as hell omg lmaoo), so yes he wills tress Svetlana out a bit, but that’s her baby.
- Ummmm, I love that Ella EP but she was crazy for that line about the watches though. Also songs mentioned in this chapter are in the playlist
.
- Do not take the Jared McCain mention as facts. That young man has never spoken on his sexuality, but just know he and my OOC of Marcus would look good together.
- I think that’s all I have to say. Leave ya comments, I love reading them and until next time lmao.

Chapter 13: One Time For The Birthday Bitch

Chapter Summary

Happy Birthday to the Goat Shane Hollander!

Chapter Notes

- Happy Birthday ShaneyPooh. This is for you!
- Playlist has been updated to songs mentioned in this chapter.
- All links should be clickable.
- Even though today is Shane Hollander’s 35th, this takes place in 2025, so this is written about his 34th!
- Translations at the end.

May 10^th, 2025

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Svetlana: ONE TIME FOR THE BIRTHDAY BITCH

J.J.: TWO TIMES FOR THE BIRTHDAY BITCH

Boodram: THREE TIMES FOR THE BIRTHDAY BITCH

Vaughny: FOUR TIMES FOR THE BIRTHDAY BITCH

Lewis: AHHHHHHHHHHH SHIIIITTTTTTTTT! IT’S THE GOAT SHANE MF HOLLANDER’S BIRTHDAY RAAAAAHHHH

Lewis: 

Lewis: 

Boodram: 

Svetlana: Shane and Ilya right now

Svetlana: Birthday Sex by Jeremiah

J.J.: OH FOR SURE! Roz got capitaine twist up like a pretzel right now

Boodram: We give thanks to yoga.

Lewis: wait….. do y’all think Hollzy sang all he wanted for his birthday was a big booty hoe a couple years back and that’s how he got with Roz?

Lewis: or that he wanted that cake cake cake cake cake….

Vaughny: ksjdnkjshfnkjshdnskdjhxsesssss

Svetlana: your mind… it’s truly something Marcus.

Boodram: Lewy, please lmaooo

Lewis: Rozanov has a PHATTY. Shit, Hollzy probably digging it out all right now.

J.J.: Firstly, capitaine is the bottom of all time

Lewis: 😯

Vaughny: secondly, lmaooooo what is wrong with you?

Lewis: Things Wrong with Marcus Darnell Lewis.dox

Svetlana: ????????????????????????????

Boodram: I. AM. HOLLERING. WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS?

Lewis: A shawty asked me to do it a while back and I kept updating it 🙁

J.J.: you know what lmaoooo

Vaughny: 4. Always talking about Hollanov (Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov) and hot their sex might be.

Vaughny: I don’t think you’re the only one.

Svetlana: PERVS!

Boodram: I know, you’re not the one talking Vetrova……….

Shane: Hey guys!!!

Shane: I saw everyone’s birthday wishes from individual texts and on twitter.

Shane: thank you guys so much. I love you!

Boodram: HOLLZY! How has the birthday been so far?

Shane: well….

Shane: I’ve been fucked all morning and now I’m eating breakfast!

Vaughny: like fucked fucked or fucked fucked?

Shane: Vaughny… those are the same words

Shane: but umm, I had both my dildo and Ilya’s dick in me at the same time. That was great.

Boodram: I regret asking this question

Svetlana: it is 9 am??

Shane: Okay?

Shane: It’s my birthday

J.J.: the regular one or the replica?

Shane: the replica.

Vaughny: GAH LEEE

Lewis: 😯😯

Lewis: (drop the tape)

Shane: Nope. It’s for me my man and me and my man alone.

Lewis: welp, I tried.

J.J.: lmaooo you really didn’t but appreciate the effort.

J.J.: plans for the rest of the day capitaine? Besides getting fucked.

Shane: well, we are at the cottage, so we are going to spend time on the Lake and then Ilya said everything is a surprised because I deserved to be treated.

Shane: even though I hate surprises so this should be fun.

Shane: I think we are having a candlelight dinner on the dock. Just spending time. that’s all I want.

Svetlana: Ugh, I forgot how romantic y’all can get.

Boodram: make my stomach hurt.

Lewis: AWWWWWWWWWWWW

Lewis: wait guys! In honor of Hollzy’s birthday today, we should all do cum shots.

Boodram: EXCUSE ME????????????

J.J.: Lewy????????????

Svetlana: I swear to God, Marcus, what the fuck are you talking about

Shane: okay…

Shane: while… I do enjoy partaking in such activity I don’t think it needs to be a group one.

Vaughny: wait wait wait wait.

Vaughny: Hear him out.

Boodram: ????????????? NO????

Lewis: GUYS I MEANT THE DRINKKKKKKKK

Lewis: CumShot Drink by Occasional Cocktails

Boodram: Oh. Maybe lead with that next time

Svetlana: ^^^^^^^^^^^

J.J.: ^^^^^^^^^^^^

Vaughny: It’s an on-brand drink for Hollzy (even though I don’t know if he would like something that sweet)

Svetlana: why are you encouraging him?

Shane: Look…………

Shane: Vaughny isn’t wrong but….

Shane: Lewy, I think you should update that google doc.

Lewis: 😒 only because you’re the birthday boy.

Ottawa Centaurs ✔️ @ottawacentaurs

Happy Birthday to our home-town hero and our Assistant Captain Shane Hollander -Rozanov (@shanehollanderhockeyplayer). We love you, and we can’t wait to celebrate you with many more goals.

[video montage of Shane’s best goals as a Centaur].

Zane Boodram ✔ @trini2debone

Happy Birthday Hollzy! 34 never looked so good on you. Thank you for being my bredda, my confidant, and importantly the best fucking teammate in the world. Love you! @shanehollanderhockeyplayer

[picture of Zane and Shane posing off after win, half dressed in their gear, in the locker room.]

Carter Vaughn ✔ @vaughny

Hollzy Hollzy Hollzy! Happy Birthday. Thank you for everything. Wishing many many many many more (and to stop scoring on me, thanks bestie).  @shanehollanderhockeyplayer

[picture of Carter and Shane doing handstands at the lake by the cottage]

Svetlana @lana

To my beautiful Shane Hollander (@shanehollanderhockeyplayer). Thank you for blessing the world with your talent, knowledge, kindness and care. I am so happy to call you, my friend.  С любовью.

[two pictures: first picture of is a selfie of Svetlana and Shane at her Boston Apartment, both wearing face masks; second picture of Shane standing in front of a store, looking at a poster of his Calvin Klein campaign.]

Rose Landry ✔️ @rose_landry

Everyone! It’s my favorite gay boyfriend’s birthday!!! I love you Shaneypooh and I can’t wait to see you again soon! @shanehollanderhockeyplayer

[four pictures: first picture is Rose and Shane on the Red Carpet for the premier of one of her X-Squad Movies; second picture is Rose and Shane cuddling on a couch in the cottage; third picture is a screenshot of her and Shane on facetime; fourth picture is a screenshot of a video of Shane talking off his shirt, and Ilya in the background thirsting at him.]

Marcus Lewis ✔️ @lewis4marcus

Happy Birthday to THEE GOAT Shane Hollander! 🐐🐐🐐🐐 That’s my dawg FRFR.

Yuna Hollander @yunahollander

Thirty-four years ago, on this day, I had the honour to bring my loving son, Shane Hollander, into this world. Sometimes I am in awe that I gave birth to such caring, mindful, hilarious (argue with somebody else if you don’t believe so), talented young man. He continues to fascinate me as he navigates this world. I am grateful to be his mother. I love you, Shane.

[three pictures: first picture is Yuna holding Shane as a newborn in the hospital bed; second picture is Yuna and David with Shane on his draft night; third picture is a selfie with Yuna kissing Shane’s cheek].

Hayden Pike ✔️ @thepikester

Happy Happy Birthday to best uncle ever! We love you Uncle Shane!

[Picture of Shane being surrounded by the Pike children: Ruby, Jade, Arthur and Amber, with Jackie and Hayden next to them]

J.J. Boiziau✔ @jjboiziau

Mon frère, mon ami. Je suis tellement reconnaissante que tu aies fait partie de mon parcours. Merci pour la sagesse, le plaisir et le fait d'être un compagnon à travers le stress. Je t'aime, capitaine!

My brother, my friend. I am so thankful that you've been a part of my journey. Thank you for the wisdom, the fun and being a companion throughout the stress. I love you captain!

[two pictures: first one of J.J. and Shane in the Montreal locker room Shane’s rookie season, in a very animated discussion; second picture of Shane and J.J. at a restaurant, with drinks in front of them and they are leaning on each other.]

Ilya Rozanov ✔ @ilyarozanov81

Happy Birthday моя любовь. I can’t wait to spend and celebrate you for many more years to come. I’ve loved you since the beginning, and I will love you even after the end. Continue to shine and be the bright light you are, моя луна. Я люблю тебя.

[picture of Shane and Ilya standing in their living room, looking at each other with reverence and love at one their team hangouts.]

Chapter End Notes

- I do not apologize for the unhingedness that’s Marcus Lewis, Shane Hollander and Carter Vaughn.
- Hope everyone had a good laugh and enjoyed this.
- I wanted to make the list real, hope it made y’all laugh.
- While you’re here, check out the two stories for this series: Mec, j’ai besoin (J.J. x Carter) and Between I and She (Roselana).
- Leave comments, have fun and stay blessed.

Songs mentioned:
Birthday Bitch by Trap Beckham
Birthday Sex by Jeremiah
Birthday Song by 2 Chainz
Birthday Cake by Rihanna

Playlist by J.J., Vaughny, Bood, Svet and I

 

Translations
С любовью - much love
моя любовь - my love
моя луна - my moon
Я люблю тебя. - I love you.

Chapter 14: Reparatory Justice

Chapter Summary

Reparatory justice means ensuring accountability and redress for harms suffered - OHCHR

Chapter Notes

- Wrote this at work (duhh) because I need to ignore my reality lmao.
- The definition in the summary is important but not for the reason you think it might me.
- Apologies for this chapter, it’s lmaooo unhinged.
- Have fun and please read the end notes.
- Translations at the end.

Edit. 05/19 4:25EST
With the conversations (important ones) happening in the comments, I've added more stuff to the end notes. Please read!

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: Aye, bredrin!

Boodram: I (including Cassie) am being nosy right now. What’s the wildest thing that has happened in your bedroom recently?

Lewis: Damn, boundaries are a figment of imagination in here.

Lewis: I love it.

Svetlana: sigh

Svetlana: let’s let me think and see

Svetlana: oh we did some wax play a couple weeks ago.

Shane: Hmm, is that considered wild?

Lewis: ??????? Hollzy. Please.

Vaughny: ah yes Lewy, welcome to the world of Shane Hollander, where he thinks every kink is normal sex.

Boodram: freaky ass boy.

Lewis: this has become the best day of my life.

J.J.: I worry about you lmaoo

Svetlana: same

Vaughny: same

Shane: same

Lewis: same

Boodram: strrrpzzz loool

Boodram: if the rest of allyuh do not answer my question.

Lewis: nobody scared of you old man

J.J.: I want to laugh but Bood younger than us 😭

Shane: Is this how Scott Hunter feels?

Vaughny: YES

Boodram: ????????????

Boodram: November 27^th, Ottawa Tire Centre.

Svetlana: are you threatening my star player Zane???

Boodram: I merely just reminded him of our first game of the series 😇

Svetlana: Hmmmmmmm

Lewis: 

Svetlana: it’s your fault.

J.J.: okay okay. Mon amis.

J.J.: I guess I’ll answer for both me and my man (Ha 👅), ummm… I think we revisited the shot from the asshole thing again.

Lewis: the what from the what????

Vaughny: lmaoo so a while back Hollzy was telling us that you can do shot from your hole and we tried it.

Lewis: Hollzy said what?

Boodram: like we said, Shane is a freak lmaooo

Shane: it’s not that difficult. You should try it Lewy!

Lewis: Bro, I need a detailed diagram because idk what to imagine rn

Svetlana: you just want jerking off material

Lewis:  BROOOOOOOOOOO why you so loud

Shane: it’s okay.

Shane: you not going get it

Shane: But I understand.

Vaughny: LMAOO?? SDKJFDKFJJ that’s so caring I guess???

Boodram: Hollzy stressed me out man

Shane: you started the conversation. It’s like you wanted to be stressed.

Lewis: OUUUUUUUUUU

Lewis: PUT HIM ON THE JUMBOTRON AGAIN HOLLZY.

Shane: wait what?

Lewis: nevermind bro. I forget I speak to senior citizens on a daily.

J.J.: 🖕🏾

J.J.: tell us your story or shush.

Boodram: let me say mine before freakazoid one and two say anything chile

Shane: who is two?????

Vaughny: I’m glad you know you’re number one 😭😭

Svetlana: sdnkjfsdnksjfdnsfkjs

Boodram: Lewy.

Boodram: idk I feel he follows in ALL of your footsteps.

Shane: fuck off Bood lmao

Lewis: wait, that the nicest thing anyone has said to me all week 🥹

Svetlana: I literally called you a generational talent this morning at work?????????

Lewis: okay, and that just outdid it!

Svetlana: I think I have another point to add to your list Marcus.

Lewis: 😭😭

Boodram: lmaoo this is so ??????

Boodram: anyways. I really just asked that question to let y’all know that I got pegged last night 🤷🏽‍♂️

J.J.: YEEEAAAAHHHHH  MON AMI

Vaughny: 🥳

Shane: Aye! Niceeee

Svetlana: niceeeee

Lewis: omg, does this mean we are like the prostate ticklees?

Shane: THE WHAT??????

Boodram: 

Svetlana: askdjnsd fvgkjdhfgkdnfkjgdgnkdjfndxfkjjf d

J.J.: 😯

Lewis: No? Okay my bad.

Lewis: that’s hella cool though Bood. Enjoyed it??

Boodram: yeah, it’s like a once a quarter type of situation but always fun.

Lewis: Niceeeee

Lewis: uh nothing crazy has happened to me lately tbh

Lewis: I did make a joke and tell shawty to start bounce on it like it was a pogo stick and she shifted herself and did the hands as if she was on one. But yeah, that’s it.

J.J.: 😭 thankfully you have sexual partners as weird as you.

Lewis: AWWW THANK YOU

Vaughny: I don’t think that was a compliment.

Boodram: 😭😭

Lewis: maaaan, fuck you.

Shane: it should be a compliment!

Shane: I don’t know if anything wild has happened lately, but we’ve been tapping into role play a lot these days.
Shane: the other night, I told Ilya that he was a serial killer, and I was the next victim he wanted to attacked, but I was a big fan of his work and set it up for myself to be the next victim, so when he breaks into my house to kill me, I was already there naked and told him to fuck me instead while pressing the knife against my neck.

Shane: it was fun!

Boodram: [screenshot to the number of the Ottawa Crisis line]

J.J.: jezikri, kaptenn. Souple.

Vaughny: 😳

Svetlana: none of this surprises me. Was it hot?

Shane: yes

Lewis: 📝📝

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Lewis: Alright, I have a question, especially for the people in this chat who date white people.

J.J.: @Svetlana @Shane

Shane: should I mention that Florida Steve was white??

J.J.: ??????????  capitaine please!

Boodram: don’t mind him. He just cranky because Roz didn’t kiss him as soon as they got off the ice at practice today. He should be fine in a bit.

Shane: 😒

Shane: I deserve my kisses.

Vaughny: the world does love bratty Shane.

Vaughny: also, who Florida Steve??? @J.J.

J.J.: 😒 thanks Hollander, I’m in trouble now.

Shane: GOOD

Svetlana: alright, while Shane throws his tantrum, ask your question Marcus.

Lewis: Okay, so back story right? I have this home boy from like middle school and we hang out from time to time. So we had lunch earlier at a Jamaican spot in Roxbury which was delicious btw.

Lewis: So at this lunch, we catching up and seeing how we are doing in life, and he was telling me how he with this new girl from South Boston. So I’m like cool, tell me more. So he describes her and then said she is Irish. So I’m like, bro is she Irish or she Irish Irish. This fool tells me that she is Irish Irish.   

Lewis: this was me [shocked gif]

Boodram: not that I’m not invested, but does this story ties into the question?

Lewis: Yes!

Shane: what’s the difference between Irish and Irish Irish?

Lewis: I’m going to get there BUT

Lewis: I’m like alright bro, you know you do like them a little tense. Even if your girl probably got mob ties, I support you right? Then this fucking man is going to shrug and be like but yeah, he is cheating on his girl.

Boodram: 

J.J.: oh, non!

Svetlana: ewwwwww

Shane: cheating is bad!

Lewis: PSA MARCUS DARNELL LEWIS DO NOT SUPPORT ADULTERY. SURE I MIGHT FUCK YOUR WIFE BUT I AM NOT THE ADULTER

Vaughny: 😂😭 that did not have to be in all caps lmaoo

Shane: yeah loool. But glad we now know your stance??

Boodram: I’m continued to be mind blown by this fella.

Lewis: 😏

Boodram: STOP IT.

Lewis: ksdjsdkjsjdd

Lewis: anyways, y’all this mf is going to say he cheating on his Irish Irish shawty from South Boston, with an Italian Italian shawty from Charlestown.

Lewis: if a fight between the Irish Mob and Italian mafia becomes mainstream again it’s my friend fault because he keeps dipping his dick in milk!

Shane: okay, you’ve lost me just now. What does milk have to do with this?

Svetlana: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Boodram: oh shane

J.J.: Hollzy, what colour is milk ?

Shane: white

Vaughny: and what color are the young ladies in this story?

Shane: white

Shane: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Shane: okay, carry on. So are they really like tied to the mob and mafia or that’s your assumption?

Lewis: He said the Italian shawty people own a restaurant in area and when I looked up, I said this is a front house. Please. So yeah he fucked.

Lewis: RIP to my homie.

Svetlana: yeah, that sucks. Don’t hang out with him in public anymore. Thanks!

Lewis: oh trust me. That’s done for lmaoooooo

Lewis: BUT THERE IS MORE. When we left, Irish Irish shawty was outside waiting for him and I just introduced myself, called her sweetheart and dip 😭

J.J.: oh boy. She knows

Boodram: 100%

Vaughny: yikesss

Shane: He should’ve never cheated on her smh

Lewis: I agree! Just hoe ethically, like me

Svetlana: hmmmmmm

Svetlana: by the way, you still haven’t asked us that question.

Shane: ^^^^

Lewis: ah yes, all of this has me thinking. Is cheating on your white partner considered reparatory justice?

Shane: …..

Vaughny: 

Boodman: wadiass 😭

J.J.: I’m embarrassed at how loud I laughed just now.

Svetlana: Marcus Darnell Lewis

Lewis: serious question!!!!!

Svetlana: sigh

Svetlana: No 😭

Shane: I’m not saying it’s right, but an argument can be made.

J.J.: skdjfndkjfgngkesrujfnfnjdksajsdn f

Boodram: you don’t need to understand Lewy’s perspective all the time Hollzy. It’s fine. 😭😭

J.J.: I am in shambles. Carter is literally frozen right now lmaoo

Shane: look, Lewy. Don’t ask anyone else that question lmao

Shane: secondly, sometimes you just gotta remind them that they were a colonizer and move on.

Boodram: alright, I know history is not my strong suit, but how are you reminding Ilya he is a colonizer, Shane? Lmaoo

Shane: Cold War and Soviet’s occupation in West Asia 🙂

Shane: we watched a documentary recently.

Lewis: Oh! I should look that up. I like to be well read 😌

J.J.: for self-enrichment reasons or??

Lewis: it gets me laid bro. the girlies, boys and they/thems love a smart dude with good dick.

J.J.: figured lmaoooo

Vaughny: Lewy, make that question number 21 on your list.

Boodram: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Svetlana: 😭

Lewis: ugh fine.

Shane: it’s okay Lewy. We still love you.

Shane: I think

Lewis: you think???????????

Chapter End Notes

- In the battle for who is the most unhinged, Marcus and Shane just walks in hand in hand man. Lmaooooo
- Again, sorry lsdknfkdjdkdd. This was in my brain for weeks and I just had to get it out.
- For context on how that would exist in my brain, I am a political scientist with expertise in International Relations and Comparative politics and imperialism and colonialism are topics I deal and think about OFTEN. Also, as a Black person from the Caribbean, the conversation about reparations is a continuous one. I am also very unserious (as this entire fic clearly presents) and now we have Marcus asking the most insane question ever. This was really in jest and fun.
- Also, again, lived in Boston for a hot minute, and I definitely lived next to a restaurant that was a front for the mafia idc idc lmaoo.
- Anyways, there is Marcus’ updated list: Things Wrong With Marcus Darnell Lewis

Also Reading Material because #academic lol
- Reparatory justice for Africans and people of African Decent
- Caricom Ten Point Reparation Plan . I have my own concerns with this but this gives you an understanding of what people have been advocating for.
- Soviet Invasion of Afghanistan. Obviously, this is just a beginning source material, take your time and go through the difference references and do your own deep dive.

Hoped you enjoyed this chapter and looking forward to your comments!

Edit: 05/19 4:25 EST
Okay, so a lot of people in the comments are making very important and valid points about Shane's Japanese heritage and the role Japan played during their imperial empire in colonizing and basically destorying East Asia. I want to preface by saying that I did not forget about that (I have lots of thoughts about the current sanitation of Japan via anime etc , and even us on these sites using their terms such as yuri and yaoi) but the narrative in my bed would've gotten way too long for the chapter. But, you guys have triggered the academic in me so here are some starting - emphasis on starting - material regarding Imperial Japan. I've also decided to include some starting material surrounding other European countries roles in colonialism of the Caribbean and of course Canada being a settler state :)

The Emergence of Imperial Japan
The Irish in the Caribbean 1641-1837
Dutch West India Company
The Danish West India Company
French West India Company
Colonialism in the West Indies
Colonialism in Canada

Who would've thought your HR crackfic became a place to learn more about imperialism and colonialism lmao
Aight bye.

Translations
Jezikri, kaptenn Souple. - Jesus Christ, captain. Please.

Chapter 15: My Momma Told Me

Chapter Notes

- Brought to you by My Momma Told Me Podcast, my love for Sesame Street and remembering the New Edition Story on BET
- Also Gborie is pronounced without the G sound.
- LMAOOO. Brace yourself? I think.

[Transcript for My Momma Told Me S5E42 – The Gayer You Are, the Better Hockey Player You Will Be w/ Marcus Lewis]

David Gborie: Welcome little mama’s and gentiles alike, welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Momma Told Me

Langston Kerman: podcast, where we dive deep, deep into Black conspiracy theories. And we do all of this to prove nothing.

Gborie: Absolutely nothing. There is nothing to prove.

Kerman: We actually end up leaving here, learning less about the topic at hand. This isn’t an educational feat. Who do you think we are? Sesame Street?

Gborie: I bet you, Sesame Street got some good conspiracy theories though.

Marcus Lewis: Oh, for sure! If you don’t think Elmo doesn’t have twenty conspiracies lined up about Rocko? Then I don’t know what to think about you.

Kerman: these are hard hitting questions. Why did no one believe Big Bird about Mr. Snuffleupagus all these years? Huh? They profiled Big Bird because he was Big.

Lewis: that’s a crazy sentence [laughs]

Kerman: it’s the truth Marcus, it’s the truth.

Gborie: what about Bernie and Ernie. It’s all fun and games because we sing about my rubber duckie, but are they just roommates?

Lewis: In 84’ definitely not just roommates. But in 2025, 100%

Gborie: you think Sesame Street doesn’t have rent control?

[15-minute tangent about Sesame Street]

Kerman: Okay but we need to introduce our guest on the pod today. Our first athlete?

Lewis: Oh word? That’s nice that’s nice.

Gborie: Yes, and we do not feel bad about ourselves at all.

Lewis: [laughs]

Kerman: Welcome to the pod, forward for the Boston Bears, the other Black Bostonian we know besides the members of New Edition, Marcus Lewis. Welcome Marcus.

Gborie: before we get started, are you a believer in New Edition with Bobby Brown, or without Bobby Brown.

Lewis: Without. You ask someone they fav New Edition song, they going start doing the choreography for If It Isn’t Love. I don’t know, call it a young head opinion but that’s just how I see it.

Kerman: You are a very wise young man.

Lewis: Also, this just reminded me that my dad’s cousin, cousin. So, the cousin of his cousin, who I refer to as aunt btw, always talk about how they used to grow up with them and Bobby and Ralph used to fight over her and that popcorn love was a bout her.

Gbroie: Hmmmmmm. I don’t know about that. [laughs]

Kerman: I say this with respect, and love. Your auntie is a damn liar. They didn’t write shit about her.

Lewis: [laughs]

Kerman: Welcome to the podcast, Marcus.

Lewis: thank you thank you. I enjoy this podcast, so I am glad to be here. Agent said you’re in LA you need to do a pod and I begged to come here.

Gborie: While this makes me feel better, I don’t know if I needed to know you begged. [laughs]

Kerman: Oh no. this is great for my ego. He begged, pleaded, and now he is here.

Gbiore: [laughs]

Lewis: [laughs]

Kerman: And guess what, he came with a conspiracy theory.

Lewis: Mhhhm

Gborie: Nice!

Kerman: and you said, my momma told me…

Narrator: My Momma Told Me, that to be good in hockey, you must be queer.

Gborie: you know what, I don’t need any explanation. I agree. Look, I’m straight and I suck at hockey.

Kerman: [laughs]. Gborie, leave the man explain. We have an hour of podcast to fill.

Lewis: [laughs]

Lewis: I’m not just saying that because, I myself, is queer. But the facts are the facts. Scott Hunter, Eric Bennet, J.J. Boiziau, Carter Vaughn, Luca Haas, Ilya Rozanov, and my goat Shane Hollander. All elite hockey players. All stars, champions. It just makes sense to me.

Gborie: Okay, pardon me for my lack of hockey knowledge, but you just listed a lot of hall of famers right?

Lewis: Correct.

Kerman: Wasn’t Scott Hunter the first player to come out as gay? I remember seeing him kissing his dude on the ice and shit.

Lewis: Literally change the landscape of the league. We would not have Hollanov if it wasn’t for him.

Gborie: Hollanov?

Lewis: Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov. They are husbands! Scott came out, they confessed their love, Roz signed with Ottawa, Hollzy went there and bam a dynasty.

Kerman: So Scott Hunter threw the first brick, that’s the theory.

Lewis: [laughs] yeah, that sounds about right.

Gborie: I just looked up how Scott Hunter looks. No offense Scott, but he doesn’t look cool enough to be the Marsha P. Johnson of the MHL.

Lewis: [laughs]

Kerman: yeah he not risky enough for me. But then again, it’s only buttoned up white men in the league soo.

Gborie: He needed a mullet or something.

Lewis: [laughs] yeah it’s like 10 poc in the league and five of us are in a chat together. So we gotta do with the button up white man.

Kerman: wait, I did my degree in English but math not my strong suit. You telling me, out of the 10 Poc in the league, four of y’all queer?

Lewis: Yessir

Gborie: I love this [laughs] Make Hockey Gayer

Lewis: I agree, that’s something I stand by.

Kerman: okay, so I ended up doing research on the Hockey Husbands, Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander, and mostly what we got was reddit posts talking about Ilya’s dick.

Gborie: [laughs] why?

Kerman: according to the many women, because he is bisexual, he is walking around with 9inches of penis.

Gborie: WHAT!?

Lewis: [laughs]

Gborie: NINE WHAT!? Is this true!???

Lewis: [laughs]

Gborie: Not to put heteronormative standards on the guys, but who bottoms?

Kerman: funny you said, Ilya has said this on record that Shane does.

Gborie: yeah, I don’t need any more convincing. Shane Hollander takes nine inches up the ass and still plays elite hockey? That is an athlete! End of discussion.

Lewis: [laughs]

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Vaughny: J.J. and I just finished listening to Lewy’s interview on My Momma Told Me and lmaoooooooooo.

Svetlana: the fact Marcus wasn’t the most unhinged person in the studio is truly a miracle. Wow.

Shane: I just want to know why we are so shock that my husband’s dick is so big. Nine inches is easy work.

Lewis: I love that Hollzy is a size queen 😭

J.J.: LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

Boodram: wym, why they are in shock.

Boodram: THAT’S A LOT OF DICK HOLLANDER.

Lewis: isn’t it fat too?

Shane: why do y’all know so much information about Ilya’s dick?

J.J.: you tell us about it all the time??????

Svetlana: like skdjsdkjjdjdss

Boodram: Literally the other day you were giving me the pros and cons of cock warming and said and I quote ‘the stretch is so good.’

Vaughny: 😭😭😭😭

Lewis: dead serious, Hollzy told me to get a 10-inch dildo to practice, just in case I stumble on someone as big as Roz.

Lewis: Like, I love a big dick as much as the next person, but sir?????

Shane: Hmmm.

Shane: fair, I guess.

Vaughny: sdkjsdnksjfndkjgnkdjgdjfsjd

Boodram: yeah, y’all don’t give me the gist that you like average size things.

J.J.: what that supposed to mean????

Boodram: Literally the conversation right now? SIZE QUEENS.

J.J.: Oh well, I mean… he do carry big things if you know what I mean 😏

Svetlana: this is why y’all need to drop the sex tape.

Lewis: !!!!!!!!!! YES SVET

Boodram: I agree.

Vaughny: ZANE BOODRAM????/ SKDJFSKJHNDKJ

Boodram: What?? I’m a visual learner. I need to see to understand.

Shane: it’s okay to find gay porn hot Bood.

Svetlana: I don’t think it’s gay porn Shane.

Svetlana: Zane just got the hots for those two.

Boodram: MIND YOU… YOU TOOO.

J.J.: I mean we are hot sooooo 🤷🏽‍♂️

Lewis: so y’all not going to drop the tape?

Vaughny: Nah lmaoooo

Boodram: STRUPPZZZZ

Shane: the way we haven’t spoken about the podcast yet.

Shane: I think your conspiracy theory is right btw.

Shane: And I also agree with your New Edition take and your aunt is crazy.

Lewis: HOLLZY YOU LISTEN TO NEW EDITION????

J.J.: Yes he does 😭 I made him watch the New Edition Story on BET back in 2016

Lewis: sklfjksjdfn skd wow, this lore is crazy.

J.J.: He should’ve known he was gay then though. He kept drooling at the actor who played Johnny Gill

Shane: Fuck off.

Shane: Also, the real Johnny Gill was fine too.

Shane: My, My My…

Boodram: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Vaughny: this is the best day I had in a long time.

Lewis: snkfhb kdjshbdosuajsnaoinsss

Svetlana: I think we broke Marcus

Boodram: He will be alright.

Shane: Lewy will be okay, but only if he can do one thing

Shane: Can You Stand the Rain

J.J.: 🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭

Chapter End Notes

- If you thought Marcus was going to be the unhinged one in the podcast, well… I’m just giving you a taste on how that podcast actually go. Those are men are insane lmaoo.
- I wonder what would Langston and David’s reaction would be if they realized their podcast has been used as a plot device for a gay hockey fan fic. I can only imagine their reaction to be nothing short of comedy.
- Shane: this is my safe space I can say whatever I want; Also Shane: damn, how they know all this information? Lsdklkdks
- Zane being a J.J. x Carter sex tape truther is so real to me.
- We have about 5 more chapters of this until I decide to wrap this up (If you’re reading this and it’s more than five more chapters…look lmaooooo)
But on another note, I dropped TWO, yes TWO (2) new fics in this series. The first one is: Bitch Better Have My Money
The second one is: (Lean) On Me .
I would love for you guys to check those out, along side the others that are written. The series is almost over and I am so happy that you guys have indulged in the insanity that’s my mind.

 
Songs mentioned in this fic
- If It Isn’t Love - New Edition
- Popcorn Love - New Edition
- My My My - Johnny Gill
- Can You Stand The Rain

Fic Playlist : Playlist by J.J., Vaughny, Bood, Svet and I

Chapter 16: Cream Yuh Skin

Chapter Notes

- Written, once again, at my place of employment.
- Happy Pride you filthy animals, sending you much love and strength, and solidarity this pride.
- Context: pickney means child.
- Translations at the end.

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Boodram: Aye, allyuh does cream yuh skin right?

Shane: Do we do what?

Boodram: cream yuh skin

Vaughny: do what???

Svetlana: what do you mean cream?

Boodram: Cream ya skin nuh???????

J.J.: 😂😂 yes we do

Boodram: You see! J.J. got it.

Shane: no like… what cream are we referring too?

Shane: Like heavy cream, whip cream, face cream???

Svetlana: ^^^^^^^

Svetlana: be pacific right now, you’re being very Atlantic.

Lewis: Cream from like a creampie? because if so…

Boodram: OH MY GOSH. No, cream, like Jergens and shit.

Vaughny: YOU MEANT LOTION??????????

Vaughny: man…. 🙄

Shane: 🧍🏻‍♂️

Shane: Zane Boodram…

Boodram: Oh, so I can’t talk in dialect anymore?????

J.J.: skjkdsfnsdks you know they wouldn’t understand what you were saying

Svetlana: He is so facetious

Svetlana: and Marcus is still typing… give us strength

J.J.: Seyè, se avèk nou 😭

Lewis: you know a couple times I used to take the creampie and rub it on a shawty’s pussy, was interesting

Svetlana: …….

Boodram: 

Vaughny: well… he did answer the question

Lewis: oh…. You meant lotion

Lewis: yeah ofc I lotion my skin. I can’t be ashy!

Shane: Marcus Lewis, are you having raw sex??? Especially with people who can get pregnant???????

J.J.: Right 😭😭 like?????????

Lewis: Guys, that was in the past (two months ago), I’ve stopped.

Svetlana: TWO MONTHS AGO?????????

Lewis: 😭😭😭 no need to yell at me.

Lewis: it wasn’t a regular occurrence, we just had a connection ✨

Boodram: that would’ve left you with pickney …. Okayyyy

Boodram: Because I for sure, know how a child is made…. Lewy.

Vaughny: Nah, this is sending me lmaooo. Lewy you need to be stopped

Lewis: Look, I always use condoms (except with shawty that was different) and the clinic can sense me from down the block. Don’t worry y’all pretty little heads about me.

J.J.: Firstly…. My head is big 😏

Svetlana: OH BROTHERRRRRRRRR

J.J.: Secondly, all you do is make us worry lmaoo

Boodram: ^^^^^^^

Shane: okay, why was ‘shawty’ different?

Lewis: Because raw is law.

J.J.: trueee

Boodram: truee

Svetlana: trueee

Vaughny: real

Shane: GUYS?? NOT HELPING THE MESSAGE WE ARE TRYING TO CONVEY HERE.

Vaughny: my bad Hollzy lmaooo.

Shane: was this person a long-time partner or?

Lewis: Nah, they just had a breeding kink.

Boodram: I-

Shane: Oh, they just like me.

Svetlana: ???????????????

J.J.: 😭😭

Vaughny: Remember two seconds ago when he yelled at us for agreeing? Oh. Okay.

Lewis: And this is why you’re a real one, Shane Hollander.

Lewis: Look, the more I explain… the crazier this shit sounds 😭.

Lewis: But, they cut me off anyways. Talking about needing to focus on school and shit. Man, went on their Instagram, up under some other man… it’s whatever.

Svetlana: aww 🥹

Svetlana: you really liked them huh?

Lewis: yeah :/ I wasn’t nutting in nobody for funsies.

Lewis: I wouldn’t think I would be so mad if dude wasn’t ugly as hell. Because what does that say about me?

Shane: He can’t be that bad.

Boodram: lmaoo right??

J.J.: Idk, people can surprise us.

Lewis: [sends screenshot of one of new guys Instagram posts]

Shane: Oh.

Shane: That’s truly a face.

Svetlana: ??????? I’M SORRY DID HE SNUCK ONTO EARTH OR SOMETHING???

Vaughny: hmmm…. That picture made me uncomfortable.

J.J.: That is the ugliest man that I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Boodram: I don’t remembered when last I prayed, but I’m praying tonight.

Lewis: 😭😭😭

Lewis: somehow, this is the support I needed.

J.J.: I’m glad mon ami!

Svetlana: 

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Vaughny: BE WHO YOU WHO AREEEEEEE…. FOR YOUR PRIDEEEEEEEEE

Shane: ????? is this a song or?

Svetlana: 😮 SHANE?? YOU DON’T KNOW THE MEME?

Shane: I’m surprised that you’re surprised.

Svetlana: It’s soooo iconic like..

Svetlana: https://youtube.com/shorts/CznSSMBPsAE?si=FS3Iu39BmKGztgQf

J.J.: such an iconic video lmaoo

Boodram: Yes!

Shane: okay, but that was sweet

Shane: and funny lmao

Shane: Happy Pride!!

Shane: I have a fun fact.

Lewis: YUUURRR IT’S PRIDE LFGGGGG 🌈🏳️‍🌈🦄🩷🧡🤍🤎💙🩵💚💛💦🍑🍑💦🍆🍆🍆✂️

Vaughny: That’s truly a collection of emojis lmaoooooo.

Vaughny: what’s your fun fact Hollzy!

Shane: Did you know, 4x MVP, 2x Finals MVP, 3x Champion 3x DPOY, A’ja Wilson of the Las Vegas Aces, gets her queer teammates a pride cake every year?

Shane: It had me wondering, why doesn’t my straight teammate get my very gay team a pride them cake??

J.J.: lsjfkdnskdjnd Not Bood catching strays

Boodram: mind you, this man doesn’t even like cake.

Shane: It’s the thought that counts!

Lewis: I bet you he like eating Roz’s cake though 😛

Shane: hehehehe

Svetlana: you’re such an enabler, Marcus Lewis lmaooo

Lewis: 

J.J.: y’all are so lmaoooo

Boodram: Now I need to get a pride theme cake. Mind you in June we’re either home or dying in the finals… now this man want cake 

Boodram: like go eat Roz’s ass and leave me alone!

Shane: actually, I will eat his ass, and I will NOT leave you alone.

Shane: How about that.

Vaughny: wow, Bood being homophobic during Pride month?? Crazzyyy

Lewis: like you would think you know a guy? Smh

Svetlana: RIGHT???

Boodram: sigh…. What cake flavour you like hollzy?  

Shane: Ilya’s ass.

Boodram: Shane Hollander

Shane: my bad my bad lmaoo

Shane: vanilla 🤷🏻‍♂️

J.J.: ironically…. That’s the only vanilla thing about him

Shane: AYE!

Svetlana: skdfjnsdkjsdfnfjjsdjsdfs

Lewis: LMAOOOOOOO 😭😭 I love you guys. Happy Pride 😭

Boodram: buh wadiass, last minute cake orders really expensive

Vaughny: that means you will be prepared for next year lmao.

Chapter End Notes

- Death, taxes, and the chat tormenting Bood.
- Yes, Shane Hollander has a breeding kink, yes Shane Hollander is a muncher. Idc idc, argue with your great aunty if you want to argue.
- Noticed how I kept Marcus’ former partner very gender neutral ehehehe (idk how to identify them sjdkjsfdks).
- Me: do trini’s say cream? Trini Friend: but ofc, ‘go cream yuh skin.’ Me: great… I need this for a fic idea. Trini Friend: Not you out here doing research.
- Also, please search A’ja Wilson Pride Cakes. Every year they get funnier and funnier. That’s my GOAT.
- There are four more chapters left, and this baby is done. The last chapter of this will accompany the last fic in this series and I really really hope y’all would like it.
- In the meantime, check out my two new fics, Bitch Better Have My Money and (Lean) On Me .
- I think that’s all I have to say lmao. Idk. Looking forward to everyone’s comments and HAPPY PRIDE. Love ya, byeee.

Translation:
Seyè, se avèk nou - Lord, be with us.

Chapter 17: Bear Sighting in Ottawa

Chapter Notes

- Introducing a new OC: Anong ’Star’ Okafor (more about him in the end notes)
- You know the vibe, wrote this at work.
- Translation at the end

4 Your (Colored) Eyez Only

Shane: hmmmm

Lewis: Hollzy, please.

Shane: please? Hmmm.

Lewis: sigh 😔

Svetlana: 👀

Vaughny: Lewy in trouble or??

Boodram: 👀👀👀

J.J.: qu’est-ce qui se passe?

Shane: Bood! You’ve been living in Ottawa since 2014 right?

Boodram: yeah……

Shane: right.

Shane: have you seen a bear in the city? Not like the surroundings but like in the city itself?

Boodram: personally? Noo??? But I’ve seen some reports here or there. Usually black bears. Why?

Shane: crazy, swore I saw one this morning.

J.J: A BEAR??? And you’re calm about it?

Vaughny: idk Hollzy gives me cool nature guy.

Svetlana: how, where did you see the bear?

Shane: so y’all know how we got a new player earlier in the season? Star?

Svetlana: yeah, from Carolina. Decent player, he needs to work on his edges.

Shane: correct. We are working on it.
Shane: anyways, we’ve gotten pretty close I would say.

Shane: this morning around 6, he calls me, ask if I could bring some Gatorade and stuff and his voice sounded horrible.
Shane: So I’m like damn, he is probably sick, let me get some extra stuff, and do the lime and honey thing Bood makes all of us do and head over.

Boodram: good call on the lime and honey.

J.J.: correct.

Vaughny: really waiting for the bear part ngl

Svetlana: ^^^^^

Lewis: I should try that lime and honey thing

Shane: I bet

Shane: so yeah, I go over. I knock on his door… no answer.

Shane: I’m like okay??? You told me to come over.

Shane: knock again…. No answer…..

Shane: So, now I’m concered, He is sick, not answering.

Shane: I use the spare key he keeps in a plan in front of his apartment, open the door. Call his name, nothing???

Shane: I’m now afraid.

Shane: I walk into his bedroom – door wide open btw – and bam there is a bear in his bed.

Vaughny: ?????

J.J.: huhhh?

Svetlana: wait…

J.J.: OHHHHHHH

Boodram: MARCUS DARNELL LEWIS

Lewis: Hi, that’s me.

Lewis: 

Vaughny: you’re the bear 🫵🏼

Svetlana: the fucking Boston bear

Svetlana: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN TORONTO RIGHT NOW???

Shane: That’s what I thought 🤷🏻‍♂️

Boodram: “oh, I can’t hang out too late, the team is going to Toronto early in the morning to spend our off day there.”

Boodram: THE MAN HAD US FOR FOOLS.

Boodram: YOU DITCHED US FOR DICK MARCUS????????? ON OUR OWN TEAM????

Lewis: Look… I can explain myself

Shane: Butt naked, sprawled out on the bed by the way.

Vaughny: oh that’s crazy 🤣

J.J.: Fuck it, Marcus, I support you!!!

Boodram: how the hell you end up with Star????

Lewis: We played in Carolina together.

Svetlana: wait

Svetlana: is this the person that you were telling me is the one that got away? 🥹

Lewis: yeaaah

Lewis: 

Vaughny: awwwwwwwwwww

Shane: so y’all reconnected? Please do.

Shane: I really need less and less people take as long as Ilya and I.

Lewis: yeah, so shit. Idk how to say this.

Lewis: We honestly were only supposed to talk 😭 but like bro, he is so fine and yeah 😔

Boodram: Did you at least talk??

Lewis: yeaah, I think we are on the same page? Like Carolina was a shit place to be queer bro. And as you and Hollzy know, he not really that outgoing and don’t give a fucky like me. But I think being in gay ass Ottawa helped a bit.

Lewis: finding himself and shit.

Shane: well, I’m glad. I’ll speak with him later and let him know I got him.
Shane: also we saw him making out with some dude a couple weeks ago and he came out so yeah lol.

Boodram: less coming out and more of a shrug.

Boodram: OH MY GOSH SKDJFKDFNKDJFKDJC

Boodram: HOLLZY REMEMBERED THE JOKE I MADE??? 😭😭😭😭

Shane: oh shit lmao

Shane: yes.

Shane: oh shit, that aged terribly lmao.

Vaughny: it can’t be that bad lmao.

Shane: Bood said ‘damn, you a hole is hole dude like Lewy too?’

Vaughny: I take that back 😭😭

Lewis: HELLOO???? SKDJFNKDJGKJJFLSDK

Svetlana: poor Star 😭😭

J.J.: Nah that shit funny as hell lmaoooo

J.J.: sex was good though??

Shane: why are you so horny today?????

Boodram: right, like Vaughny go suck your man’s dick or something.

Vaughny: Don’t have to tell me twice.

Svetlana: sigh.

Lewis: oh it was MAGICAL. 🤩

Lewis: I be seeing stars (no pun intended) and shit.

Lewis: my sight is clearer, my hearing is better. I feel connected to the world. Idk

Shane: oh.

Shane: so you’re in love?

Lewis: WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH

Lewis: the L word is crazyyyyyyyyyy

Svetlana: No, I agree with Shane. This sounds like love.

Boodram: ^^^^^

J.J.: yeaaah

Lewis: damn, I can’t just be dickmatized??????

Vaugnhy: oh, so he doing the bending?

Boodram: you can be dickmatized and in love. Look at Shane

Shane: exactly

Shane: wait… hey!

Boodram: I’m just saying… this sounds serious

Svetlana: especially if you’re missing team bonding on your off day in Toronto

Lewis: getting good dick >>>>>>>>> having to hear teammates yell ‘running through the 6 with my woes’ like it’s 2016

Lewis: idk

J.J.: valid point

Vaughny: what do you even know about 2016????

Lewis: my bad gramps. Forgot that was the best year of your life or something 🙄

Boodram: the last time Rihanna dropped an album 😔

Svetlana: fuckkk why did you remind me of that.

J.J.: ^^^^^^^^^

Shane: okay, that’s fair.

Shane: but there gotta be more than you’re just being dickmatized if you’re staying overnight willingly

Svetlana: you used to sneak in hotel rooms because of dick, Hollander.

Shane: and I was in love???? That’s the point I’m trying to bring across.

Lewis: can we stop saying the L word!

Lewis: also, I don’t know. Besides Anong being hot as fuck. He is so kind, compassionate, funny as well. Has the biggest heart known to man, know when you need words of support, or just a hug. I’ve seen him carry the world on his shoulders but he deserves love and care too. He is soo soo sweet, a great chef… ugh. I really like when he does a little pout when he is thinking, and how his eyes glisten when he wants to say something but is a little shy. His big smile when he is comfortable, his small smile when he is being polite.

Vaughny: awwww

Boodram: I didn’t know you can be this nice.

Shane: that is really nice.

Lewis: and his ass is fat, and his dick is big. Idk what y’all want from me.

Boodram: nvm.

Svetlana: lmaoo yeah you just had to wait for it.