Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Heated Rivalry (TV)

Relationships:

Boston Bears | Boston Raiders Team Ensemble & Ilya Rozanov, Boston Bears | Boston Raiders Team Ensemble & Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Brad Hammersmith, Ryan Carmichael, Connors (Heated Rivalry), Victor St. Simon, Ilya Rozanov, Rose Landry, Shane Hollander, Hayden Pike

Additional Tags:

Texting, Texting Fic, Relationship Reveal, Episode: s01e04 Rose (Heated Rivalry), Good Friend Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, POV Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau Finds Out About Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Language:

English

Series:

Part 2 of fixer upper (the boston remix)

Stats:

Published: 2026-03-02 Words: 2,257 Chapters: 1/1

how much do you know (literally everything i think)

Summary

Hammersmith: ALL STARS!!!!!!!!!

they fucking kissed.

rozy fucking kissed hollander on the fucking helmet and the entire world went

hah :) yeah :) they're just rivals:)

Carmicheal: the bestest of rivals :)

Carmicheal: absolutely no hanky panky going on here folks just hatred :)

in which the Bears figure out who Jane really is. and attempt to think of a game plan.

Notes

you have asked and i have answered
pt 2
yaive got three written and im working on four haha thyeve taken over my brain
i hope you like it

Armadillo: look

Armadillo: i was up late last night

Armadillo: bc it's an optional skate today, and i'm not going, so i could sleep in

Armadillo: and i fell down a rabbithole on youtube

Armadillo: i'm just gonna say it.

Hammersmith: say what?

what are you talking about man?

Connors: i have a cup of coffee

that's nice man

Connors: it's got creamer and sugar in it

Connors: i hate it so much

Connors: but rachel got it for me and so i'm drinking it

oof.

the things we do for love

nicole made me spend last weekend vaccuming the baseboards bc her parents were coming over

admittedly her mother did notice,

and compliment it

so i was kinda happy afterwards

but my knees were killing me during it

St-Simon: And Rozanov bought Jane that case of ginger ale.

Connors: i mean

Connors: we all love our girlfriends

Hammersmith: *partners

Connors: right

Connors: forgot jane's a dude

Connors: *we all love our partners

Hammersmith: :)

Armadillo: cute as hell, but i was talking

then just talk we're not really stopping you man

Armadillo: Hollander.

Armadillo: Shane Hollander

Armadillo: look

Armadillo: link: Every Hollanov Moment in Chronological Order (And I'm NOT Crazy)

wtf

dude

?????

St-Simon: Seconded. Why are you sending this to us? And what is Hollanov?

Armadillo: look if you watch the video it makes sense

St-Simon: What were you searching to find this Carmacchiato?

Armadillo: fuck you

Armadillo: I don't even drink coffee

St-Simon: I was inspired by Connors's struggles.

Connors: yay i'm a muse

Connors shut up

drink your too sweet coffee

leave us alone

Connors: ordinarily i'd've given that more pushback, but rachel just called me back to the bedroom so :)

ewwww

St-Simon: Gross.

Hammersmith: yay but i don't wanna hear about it dude

Armadillo: hell yeah man, get it

carmicheal you're so weird

for no reason

why

just why

and also i'm watching the video and

hmm

Armadillo: RIGHRIGHTRIGHT??????!!?!?!

Hammersmith: marly think

Hammersmith: any identiying characteristics you picked up from the texts?

umm

roz calls him boring a lot

it seems like its an inside joke???

bc jane just says fuck you and moves along with it.

St-Simon: Not really all that helpful. Roz thinks eighty percent of the population is boring.

i know

but that eighty percent doesn't generally include hockey players

St-Simon: Oh. I suppose not.

also he's pale.

which

Armadillo: does it make you racist to say that

i'm describing a characteristic, not saying anything else. my point is just that it's probably not their defenceman, boiziau

Hammersmith: moving on

Hammersmith: then what we're looking for is:

Hammersmith: a "boring" metros player, who is pale, and good enough that Roz thinks it's worth it to keep the relationship going. but also trouble.

i don't think we ever said anything about how good he is on ice

Hammersmith: we didn't

Hammersmith: but do you really think that roz would fall for some one who couldn't

Hammersmith: beat

Hammersmith: him

Hammersmith: …

Hammersmith: NO!

OH MYF UCKING GOD

St-Simon: HOLY FUCKING SHIT THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY

NO, NO THERE'S NO WAY HE WOULD NEVER

actually he would

Hammersmith: no you're right. he said he liked trouble

Armadillo: WHAT ARE WE FREAKING OUT ABOUT??????

CARMICHEAL YOU MOTHERFUCKING GENIUS '

Armadillo: thank you i think?

YOU CNA HAVE YOUR NAME BACK

Cliff Marlow has changed Armadillo's name to Carmicheal.

Carmicheal: yay :)

Carmicheal: what did we figure out :)

ITS HOLLANDER
ITS SHANE MOTHERFUCKING HOLLANDER
FUCK ME
FUCK FUCK FUCK
AHHAHAHAHAHAH

HOW DID WE NOT SEE IT

St-Simon: Hold on. Shane. Jane. Meeting up in Montreal games only.

oh my god do you think rozy's got a codename too?
HES GOT TO, RIGHT?

Hammersmith: ALL STARS!!!!!!!!!

they fucking kissed.

rozy fucking kissed hollander on the fucking helmet and the entire world went

hah :) yeah :) they're just rivals:)

Carmicheal: the bestest of rivals :)

Carmicheal: absolutely no hanky panky going on here folks just hatred :)

it was right in front of our faces

the whole fucking time

St-Simon: Oh. OH.

what

what other revelation are you gonna drop on us

St-Simon: The scratches on Rozanov's back.

jesus christ hollander

Hammersmith: respect

Hammersmith: and holy shit

how do we confirm

we need to be sure

the evidence is overwhelming but we need to be sure before we call up the literal captain of the montreal metros and ask him if he's broken up with his five-year boyfriend who also happens to be his legendary hockey rival.

Carmicheal: holander's dating landry

Carmicheal: rose landry

Carmisheal: the movie star

Carmicheal: I KNEW IT WAS CONNOR's Fault!

St-Simon: How is Hollander's relationship with Landry Connors's fault?

Carmicheal: not that but he showed roz the article announcing it

oh fuck it is his fault we're doing endurance skates

it's his fault roz's all sad and hiding behind anger and taking it out on us

Hammersmith: we deal with Connors and his weird interest in celebrity gossip later

Hammersmith: call up a friend of shane's? pike maybe

St-Simon: So he's Shane now?

Hammersmith: he's been fucking our cap for at least half a decade

Hammersmith: which, jesus christ, i thought roz was allergic to commitment, let alone long-distance

Hammersmith: but still by year two the WAGs get first name, so

works for me.

i can get pike's phone number

gimme a few minutes

St-Simon: What do you mean you can get his number?

Carmicheal: i also wanna know

we're a part of the nhl, a thing that trades players like pokemon

i have the number of a guy who got traded to san fran

who has the number of a guy who got traded to florida

who has the number of a guy who was traded to ottawa

who did a sponsorship photoshoot with pike

and got his number

and voila

i have the contact info for hayden pike

Carmicheal: they all responded that quickly?

i'm not an asshole to everyone i meet carmitchell

Carmicheal: neither am i!

Hammersmith: you come off as kind of a douche sometimes man

what should i text him

St-Simon: Ask him. But make sure you don't give away that we know Hollander's gay or bi or whatever. Us figuring that out is enough of a betrayal, and we don't need to out him to his best friend.

okay

gonna stop responding for a sec to do that then

Hammersmith: good luck

Connors: i'm back why are there so many messages who died

Carmicheal: read back.

Connors: oh hey marly gave you full name privileges

Carmicheal: yes!

Connors: wait

Connors: what

Connors: HOLY FUCKING SHIT

St-Simon: And there it is.

Connors: HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A BITCH WHAT EVEN

lol

Carmicheal: did pike answer?

nah, not yet still waiting

shit

i gtg i forgot the dishes and nicole'll be pissed at me if they're still there when she comes back with groceries.

Hammersmith: update us as soon as you get anything from pike

will do

hayden pike?

Pike: yeah who is this?

cliff marlow

boston bears

assistant cap

Pike: oh hey man what's up?

has hollander been. off

in the past month or so?

Pike: why?

umm. we have a girl.

we know a girl

who broke up and she says its hollander

Pike: holy shit you know lily?

yes.

we do.

know lily.

definitely.

Pike: yeah man, they were texting all the time

Pike: knew she was a boston fan didn't know she actually knew you though

Pike: they stopped texting like last month tho, idk what happened

yeah so.

has practice for you been super rough?

Pike: yes.

Pike: you?

yes.

Pike: how much do you know?

depends on how much you do.

Pike: lily's a fake name.

jane's not real

Pike: jane doesn't like change

ilya doesn't either

Pike: shane was definitely in love but has shit emotional processing

ilya was too

Pike: did you see the dick pics

maybe

yes

not on purpose

Pike: i only snooped once

Pike: and i didn't get names

Pike: but the dropped articles and hockey talk and xrated texts paint a picture

Ilya and shane were together

Pike: i think so

and they broke up

and now we're suffering the consequences

Pike: yeah

i thought that if hollander got with landry he'd be nicer

Pike: no

Pike: if anything he got worse

fuck

what do we do

Pike: idk. he's gay definitely

Pike: he just hasn't figured that important little fact out yet

can you get me rose landry's number?

Pike: why

Pike: you gonna make a move?

on her?

nah

i just want to have options in a course of action

Pike: fine

Pike: just a second.

Pike: *********

Pike: there

Pike: don't involve me any further,please

Pike: it feels like too much of a betrayal already

Pike: to be talking about it with someone

yeah, man i know what you mean

Pike: you're all okay with it, right?

Pike: this won't get out?

god no, we're all fine with it.

Pike: good luck.

you too man

i'm back motherfuckers

Carmicheal: MARLY

St-Simon: Well? Tell us. What'd Pike say?

Its hollander

definitely hollander

hes being super rough with the metros

and he got worse when he and landry started dating

Hammersmith: so hes definitely torn up about the breakup too

also i was right about the codenames being mutual

ilya-lily

Connors: wow.

Connors: when we get them back together, this will be peak teasing material

i'm using it in my best man speech

Carmicheal: why do you get best man

Carmicheal: i wanna be best man

Hammersmith: there's two guys, there can be two.

St-Simon: No, there can't. Shane will have Pike as his best man.

St-Simon: I say fight to the death whoeer wins gets to be the best man.

Connors: to the death seems a bit extreme

St-Simon: I crave violence. Why do you think I'm a hockey player with the highest penalty numbers in our division besides Rozanov?

St-Simon: It's not because I'm a pacifist.

St-Simon: Fight.

its okay cardstock you can be the flower girl

Carmicheal: fuck off dude

Connors: yeah man leave Cardstock alone

Carmicheal: you're dead connors

Carmicheal: count your days

Connors: ahh i'm so scared

alright funny as this is

I am going to be the best man for Ilya and you can pry that position from my cold dead hands

and also focus

Connors: im locked in man

Carmicheal: so focused

Hammersmith: the only thing distracting me is a BLT

St-Simon: Can you recap, Marlow, just so we have all the facts in a row?

sure Vic.

so from where im sitting now:

both are sad about the breakup

hollander is gay and trying to convince himself otherwise by dating a movie star

both teams are suffering

St-Simon: So, we need to break up Hollander and Rose Landry.

St-Simon: Except none of us live in Montreal, have any means of contact with either one, and we have no game plan.

Carmicheal: we could get her to cheat?

no that would just make hollander even sadder

besides how would we even do that?

Connors: one of us seduces her

lol

funny that you think a movie star who pulled shane motherfucking hollander for a boyfriend would fall for your charms connors

Connors: fuck you

also i have her number, and i memorized shane's from ilya's phone.

so

you know

we can actually contact them both

Hammersmith: jesus christ my dude you know everyone

fuck you

Carmicheal: then what do we do?

no idea

come back in a few hours?

see if we've got any ideas?

Connors: okay.

Connors: i have an idea

listening

Connors: we might have to kill rose landry

Connors: just 🔪🔪🔪

WHAT THE FUCK CONNORS

St-Simon: That seems like an unneccessary escalation!

Connors: look, you know that movie, frozen?? ice powers and stuff?

YES

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH MURDER????!?

Connors: Link: Spotify - Fixer Upper by Cast of Frozen and Maia Wilson ❄️

Connors: get the fiancee out of the way and the whole thing will be fixed

Hammersmith: no!

St-Simon: We should not take advice from a children's movie.

St-Simon: And we can't murder anyone.

St-Simon: It's too impractical. Too hard to reliably accomplish.

Carmicheal: i mean. it would fix this

Carmicheal: hollander would be a little traumatized, but rozanov would catch him

Carmicheal: bam no more morning practices

Carmicheal: 🔪🔪🔪🔪🪦

NO! NO!

PRETEND TO BE BATMAN 🦇

WE ARE DETECTIVES

WE DO NOT KILL

NO KILLING

KILLING BAD

Hammersmith: exactly!! we can't kill rose landry. eve if her movies are shit

Connors: okay, fine. what, then.

Connors: also they're not shit i resent that

Hammersmith: they're literally all the same plot

Hammersmith: chick gets captured blah blah blah shes no longer captured 

Hammersmith: and if they're not shit why are you advocating for killing her

Connors: fuck you some things are more important than good cinema and one of them is not dying because we skate our legs off

Connors: we will be returning to this btw but for now we got bigger fish to fry 

Connors:  marls. you wanna just call rose landry and say

Connors: hey we need you to dump the boyfriend you look legitimately happy with because our captian is sad??

Hammersmith: maybe just a quick: by the way your boyfriend's gay???

fuck.

maybe?

and we are not killing rose landry.

Cliff Marlow has changed Connors's name to NO KILLING

NO KILLING: hey

NO KILLING: change it back

Carmicheal: lol you lost name privileges

Cliff Marlow has changed Carmicheal's name to Carl.

Carl: aww fuck

Carl: my name privileges didn't even last a day

Carl: boo.