Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Heated Rivalry (TV)

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Boston Bears | Boston Raiders Team Ensemble & Ilya Rozanov, Boston Bears | Boston Raiders Team Ensemble & Shane Hollander

Characters:

Brad Hammersmith, Connors (Heated Rivalry), Victor St. Simon, Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander, Rose Landry, Ryan Carmichael, Boston Bears | Boston Raiders Team Ensemble (Game Changers)

Additional Tags:

Episode: s01e04 Rose (Heated Rivalry), Boston Bears | Boston Raiders (Game Changers), Texting Fic, Texting, the club scene, POV Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Good Friend Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau Finds Out About Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau & Ilya Rozanov Friendship, Crack Treated Seriously, Crack, Angst, some vague implications of suicidal ideation (very brief and very barely implied, but tagging just in case), brief discussion of postmodernism

Language:

English

Series:

Part 4 of fixer upper (the boston remix)

Stats:

Published: 2026-03-17 Words: 2,759 Chapters: 1/1

drunk and totally in love (and fuck this is our circus and therefore it's our problem)

Summary

Carmicheal: Link: The End of the Hollandry Era - A Power Couple's Unexpected Breakup Shocks Fans

what is this

Carmichael: click it

why

Carmichael: do it

are you trying to hack me???

Carmicheal: no definitely not

you're not convincing

Carmicheal: promise just click

fine

if i get some weird fucking porn virus im blaming you and taking it out on you too

oh

OH SHIT

in which: the bears go to a club, the bears regret going to said club,rose landry comes through in their hour of need, and connors's girlfriend kicks him out of bed.

Notes

yay pt4.
whoooooooo lets go.
also, fun fact: that is exactly how i make my tea. down to the timers. i have a very specific flavor that i search for and i know how to achieve it.

okay all those in favor of going out to a club

cap looks like hes gonna kill himself over hollander

NO KILLING: hell yes

Carl: yes

St-Simon: Works for me. The question is where to?

Hammersmith: i heard abt this club named ultraviolet its supposed to be fun

Hammersmith: we could take the team there

sure

all in favor?

Hammersmith: yeah

Carl: aye

St-Simon: Yes.

NO KILLING: if i can get drunk it works for me

alright. destination determined

now who's going to convince roz to come with?

not it

Carl: not it

St-Simon: not it

Hammersmith: nope

NO KILLING: fuck me

sorry you're not really my type connors

NO KILLING: double fuck you

NO KILLING: fine ill do it

NO KILLING: if i die bc he bites my head off tell rachel i love her

will do comrade

now into the trenches you go

chop chop

NO KILLING:🖕

NO KILLING: oh my god guys hes so sad

we knew this

NO KILLING: no but like when i went up he was rewatching the post game interview with hollander

NO KILLING: I SWEAR TO GOD i heard a sniffle

oh no.

did he agree to go?

NO KILLING: yes. prepare yourselves

Carl: dear god hes gonna be insufferable tonight isn't he

St-Simon: Yeah. I think his coping mechanisms involve heavy acting as if he's fine. The issue is that he's not fine and he's overcompensating for his mood so he's even more hyper than usual.

Hammersmith: marly. any word from landry on the convo??

nothing yet

i dont think shes done anything about it yet

which i can't blame her for

awkward conversation to have to initiate

still

means we're stuck with roz and the post-shane depression

NO KILLING: hmm. do we just get him drunk and hope he gets laid

NO KILLING: with some blonde girl to avoid any similarities to shane??

Hammersmith: that might where we're at, honestly

worth a shot??

i guess?

St-Simon: Sure, just don't make me babysit him.

i'll do the babysitting

Carl: holy shit marls that was almost mature

please

it's only because i know you and connors are gonna get absolutely shitfaced

you'll be no help if he passes out

NO KILLING: true that

give me a couple mintues to finish packing up my shit and ill meet you at the club?

with rozy?

Hammersmith: see you then man

FUCK FUCK FUCK CODE RED CODE MOTHRFUCKING RED

VIC, BRAD, COME ON LOOK AT YOUR PHONES

CONNORS

CARMICHEAL
I'LL GIVE NAME PRIVILEDGES BACK IF YOU ANSWER

Carl: whats wrong is rozy dead?

NO

HE'S HERE

HIM

HOLLANDER

NO KILLING: wjts haponig

how shitfaced is connors right now?

Hammersmith: very he and i were doing shots

Hammersmith: i can just handle my alcohol better than this lightweight

Hammersmith: like way better

Hammersmith: cause i'm awesome

Hammersmith: OH SHIT HOLLZY'S HERE!

Hammersmith: FUCK FUCK

Carl: SON OF A BITCH WHERES THE RUSSIAN

IDFK I LOST HIM
HE SAID HE NEEDED THE BATHROOM

FUCK

FUCK WE NEED TO FIND HIM

St-Simon: He's not in the bathroom.

St-Simon: Or near the bar.

Hammersmith: Vic help me check the dancefloor

Hammersmith: carm find hollander update on where he is

Hammersmith: Marly check the entry

Hammersmith: and find his car make sure he isn't driving

will do

Carl: yessir

Carl: got eyes on hollander

Carl: cant tell if there's a date or anything

Carl: I think he's drinking?

Hammersmith: hollander's drinking?

Hammersmith: has had several interviews on his macrobiotic super special diet hollander

Carl: yeah that's a beer

Hammersmith: huh

cap's not in entry or back alleys

car hasn't moved

coats still in the coat check

fuck where is he

Carl: found roz he's dancing with a blonde chick

do we really want to keep them apart

i mean wasn't the entire point of this to get them together

St-Simon: Yes, but also Rose hasn't talked to Shane yet meaning they're still together and none of us want Rozanov seeing that

Carl: I've lost hollander

Carl: Landry's with him

shit

shit shit shit fuck

Carl: FUCCKKKKKKKKK

Carl: theyve seen each other

NO KILLING:where we takin abt?

connors you're drunk

NO KILLING: proly

where are you?

NO KILLING: bar? I think

alright carm imma deal with connors

can you run damage control vic

St-Simon: I can try. He's dancing with Landry.

Ilya?

St-Simon: No, Hollander.

St-Simon: He and Rozanov have locked eyes. There's a weird staring contest going on.

St-Simon: I'm trying to get next to Roz.

St-Simon: He's kissing this girl's neck and stuff but just staring at Hollander and Hollander is just standing there.

Carl: i'm over near shane

Carl: fuck I think he's crying

Carl: Marly come back we need u

Hammersmith: found you vic

Hammersmith: we gotta get them away

I'm back

Hammersmith: thank fuck

connors throwing up in the bathroom

where we at

imma grab ilya

Carl: Landry's leaving with shane

thank fuck

St-Simon: Rozanov saw them leave.

St-Simon: He's ditched the girl pretty rudely.

doesn't matter she'll get over it

Carl: shane and Landry are definitely gone

Carl: cap's headed back to the bar

grab him before he can give himself alcohol poisoning

Hammersmith: intervening now

Hammersmith: got him

found you guys

fuck man last night was brutal

Hammersmith: yeah

Hammersmith: hows Roz doing?

not good

not answering any of my texts

i even tried calling him

didn't pick up

but he didn't turn location off and i can see he's still at the hotel

St-Simon: I have to ask.

St-Simon: Is he.

he's alive

he's moving around the pool of the hotel

St-Simon: Thank God.

Carl: btw marly you promised name privileges

i did didn't i

NO KILLING: yes

Cliff Marlow has changed NO KILLING's name to Connors.

Cliff Marlow has changed Carl's name to Carmichael.

Carmichael: thanks man

Connors: yay

be normal

or i take them away again

Hammersmith: so

Hammersmith: what now? i mean roz is even more heartbroken now

Carmichael: and shit man hollander looked five seconds away from sobbing

St-Simon: maybe we need to accept that this is a lost cause?

i dont want to

Connors: i don't think itll work

Connors: any of it

Connors: they're not chatting

Connors: they're not fucking

Connors: they're both heartbroken and neither of us know enough about them to fix it

damn it

this feels so shitty

knowing that they're hurt but we can't fix it

Hammersmith: what are we gonna do about all stars?

St-Simon: What do you mean?

Hammersmith: i mean that they're gonna be stuck together, probably on the same team to max out media attention

hammmersmith: what do we do about that

I don't know, man

i really don't know.

Carmicheal: GUYS

Carmicheal: GUYS

Carmicheal: CHECK YOUR PHONES PEOPLE

Carmichael: ALL IS NOT LOST

dude shut the fuck up its 2 in the morning

you've given me 4 notifications and we have mandatory practice tmrw

go away

Carmichael: no

Carmicheal: Link: The End of the Hollandry Era - A Power Couple's Unexpected Breakup Shocks Fans

what is this

Carmichael: click it

why

Carmichael: do it

are you trying to hack me???

Carmicheal: no definitely not

you're not convincing

Carmicheal: promise just click

fine

if i get some weird fucking porn virus im blaming you and taking it out on you too

oh

OH SHIT

THERE MAY BE HOPE

Carmicheal: YOU UNDERSTNAD!!!!!

WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET THEM TOGETHER AFTER ALL!!!

HOLY SHIT MAN

i was thinking rose wasn't gonna come through with the talk but i guess she did

that woman is amazing

AND THEY'RE STILL FRIENDS

DAMN

IMPRESSIVE

Carmicheal: we need to send her like a fruit basket

Carmicheal: in gratitude for her service

Hammersmith: this better be damn good wtf is happening in this chat

Carmicheal: read back

read back.

Hammersmith:…

Hammersmith: WHAT THE FUCK YES

RIGHT???

Hammersmith: THIS IS AMAZING YOU GUYS

right right right??

Hammersmith: has rozy seen it??

no

we don't know

probably not

he deleted like all his socials remember

Carmicheal: yeah at the beginnign of the demon-rozanov's reign of terror.

St-Simon: *begining

Carmicheal: fck you

St-Simon: *fuck

stop pissing off carmalade vic he's helpful sometimes

St-Simon: The keyword being sometimes.

Carmicheal: hah you already used carmalade loser

Carmicheal: unoriginal

its two in the morning bitch

if you wanted a work of art type nickname you should've texted when the moon wasnt up

Carmicheal: the moon is technically always up cause of it being night on the other side of the world

i dont really give a shit

Cliff Marlow has changed Carmicheal's name to FUCKING ANNOYING

FUCKING ANNOYING: HEY?

FUCKING ANNOYING: change it back?

no :)

fuck you :)

FUCKING ANNOYING: oh come on man, i literally gave you the article

don't care

name privileges revoked

stop being an asshole and we'll see about bringing them back

Connors: guys what the fuck

Connors: your texts woke up rachel

Connors: and now shes pissy at me for bringing my phone into the bedroom and it having notifications on

Connors: and now im on the couch in my fucking boxers and its cold

Connors: so unless shane and rose broke up or air conditioner died i dont want to hear it

FUCKING ANNOYING: AIR CONDITIONER ISN"T EVEN CLOSE TO CARMICHEAL

Connors: you knew i was talking about you though didn't you

FUCKING ANNOYING:…

FUCKING ANNOYING: irrelevant

Connors: also why have name priviledges been revoked

st-simo: Read back, Connors.

connors, i fucking love you

ac was a stroke of genius

and you've had so many concussions i'd thought you'd have an actual stroke first lol

Connors: HOLY HSIT

St-Simon: *SHIT

really, vic?

St-Simon: Proper grammar and spelling are important.

St-Simon: I minored in English Literature. This stuff matters.

fine. moving on.

cnnors: also, rude. but mostly HOLY SHIT.

Hammersmith: right!!

also dude, why did you have notifs on?

you always silence your phone before bed

Connors: i was tired from practice and forgot to do so

Connors: and it's cold in our fucking apartment because rachel keeps the temperature at like 60, because "cooler temperatures help people's bodies go to sleep faster" but then she pulls every blanket from the closet and couch and bundles up in them

Connors: and then when i get kicked out of bed for having cold feet and touching her with them by accident, or for waking her up by having notifications on because she's a really light sleeper

Connors: then there's no blankets on the couch and i end up freezing

Hammersmith: can't you just grab a sweatshirt and pants?

Connors: no the closet's attached to the bedroom and the love of my life does not want me in the bedroom

mm

does she go to sleep easy?

Connors: no, its why its such a big deal when she wakes up in the middle of the night cause then she can't fall back asleep.

Connors: why?

FUCKING ANNOYING: well, you could just

Connors: no

FUCKING ANNOYING:you didn't even know what i was going to say

Connors: you were going to tell me to tire her out

Connors: she is tired, that the issue

Connors: and she's already at a low level anger baseline because her period came early

Connors: and fuck off carmicheal she doesn't want that, any of that

Connors: if she does she'll tell me

ooh

that sucks

is she awake rn?

Connors: gimme a sec

Connors: yes

Connors: still awake

Connors: i feel kinda shitty,

Hammersmith: because you're cold?

Connors: no, because i woke her up because i could bother to literally just tap my phone a couple more times before bed

Connors: obviously

does she eat food in bed?

Connors: nothing that makes crumbs, but like soup and tea and stuff

Connors: why?

make her hot cocoa

or tea, i guess

rachel's lactose intolerant right?

Connors: yeah

Connors: doesn't stop her though

hah, yeah.

still, don't give her anything with dairy in it, cause then she'll be mad because she'll think that you didn't remember

Connors: oh, ok

Connors: but she makes her tea a certain way

Connors: how do you make tea?

don't look at me.

Carmicheal: idk, i don't drink it

St-Simon: I know how she makes her tea.

Connors: you do?

Connors: wait, why do you?

St-Simon: Because while Grace was pregnant with Olivia, she couldn't drink, and I stopped in solidarity, right?

St-Simon: As a result, at parties you hosted, I'd generally end up helping Rachel in the kitchen because I don't really enjoy being around a bunch of drunk hockey players unless I am also one of them, and she just, doesn't drink, so we made tea and talked about Neo-Postmodernist art.

St-Simon: She's generally pretty chatty, so she talked me throguh how to make her tea, because she was bored.

St-Simon: Also, did you know that the work The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living, a piece of art by Damien Hirst, made in 1991, is a 14-foot tiger shark in a tank. The shark eventually rotted and had to be replaced. Collectors still paid millions.

St-Simon: He stuck a lot of stuff in formaldehyde, actually. Like cows. 

oh eww

why do you know that vic

St-Simon: His girlfriend told me. Therefore, I know.

Connors: oh. ignoring that.

Connors: can you tell me how she makes it, then?

Connors: i don't want to mess it up.

St-Simon: Alright. You know the mug she always uses?

Connors: The one she got from college, yeah.

St-Simon: Grab it, and the measuring cup for liquids.

St-Simon: Fill the measuring cup to the 1 ½ line.

St-Simon: Put it in the microwave and put it at power level 7 for exactly 56 seconds.

Connors: why 56 exactly?

St-Simon: It hits exactly the sweetspot between too cool and too hot.

Connors: ok, done.

St-Simon: Go into your pantry. On the left side there's her boxes of tea.

St-Simon: It's late at night, so the one you're looking for is going to be labeled Raspberry Leaf. It's the herbal tea. Do not grab the black tea, that has a higher caffeine content and is good for mornings.

Connors: okay. one teabag only, right?

Hammersmith: who uses more than that?

St-Simon: Shut up, Brad. Yes, Connor.

St-Simon: Put it in the mug, and pull up a timer on your phone.

St-Simon: Put a teaspoon of the lavender honey in the jar on the counter in. Leave the teaspoon in, though, you want to get all the honey in to take the bitterness out. Now pour the water in and hit the timer.

Connors: okay, how long do i go for the timer.

St-Simon: At 11 minutes on the dot, you're going to pull the teabag out. Give the teaspoon a couple stirs to make sure the honey dissolves and pull it out too.

Connors: okay. while that's going.

Connors: i'm going to throw a heating pad in the microwave and grab her some chocolate. also, what doe this mean we do about roz and shane?

i mean, i was thinking that we do something over allstars week

FUCKING ANNOYING: what do you want to do?

steal roz's phone and send shane his hotel room nr?

FUCKING ANNOYING: he would know it wasn't him, though, and he would definitely know it was us.

would you rather he kill us and be happy or continue tortuing himself and us and die sad

it's not even about practices anymore for me

i can deal with running suicides and bag skates

what i cannot deal with is my best friend being sad

i just want him to be happy dammit

Hammersmith: yeah. i've gotten used to the practices.

Hammersmith: and we have been playing better

Hammersmith: i just want rozanov to feel better.

FUCKING ANNOYING: okay.

FUCKING ANNOYING: i'm in.

FUCKING ANNOYING: and worst case sceneario, we just figure out a way to forced proximity them into the same hotel room. or closet. like in a romance boo, yk

all in favor

Connors: yes

St-Simon: Yes.

Hammersmith: definitely.

okay.

operation: Hollanov is a go.

officially.

for the second time.

St-Simon: Hollanov?

it's the ship name the internet came up with for them.

St-Simon: Okay. Operation: Hollanov.

alright.

we'll have to text like right before roz goes to bed, so there isn't enough time for him to get out of the conversation.

do we know which of us is going to allstars?

FUCKING ANNOYING: you, man, proabably

okay. then i'll do it.

in the meantime

i'm going back to bed

i'll see you all at 6 oclock mandatory skate tomorrow!

:)

FUCKING ANNOYING: :(

Hammersmith: :(

Connors: :(

St-Simon: :(

:(