Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationship:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Ottawa Centaurs Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Zane Boodram, Wyatt Hayes, Evan Dykstra, Harris Drover, Troy Barrett, Luca Haas, Young (Game Changers), LaPointe (Game Changers), Holmberg (Game Changers)

Additional Tags:

Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander Loves Ilya Rozanov, Social Media, Supportive Ottawa Centaurs (Game Changers), Post-Book 6: The Long Game (Game Changers), Ottawa Centaurs Player Ilya Rozanov, Ottawa Centaurs Player Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov is a Menace, Twitter, Canon Compliant, team dads hollanov, Hollanov Adopting Centaurs Rookies Agenda, Mixed Media, Ottawa centaurs found family, Shane Hollander Is a Menace, Shane Hollander Calls Ilya Rozanov "Baby", Ottawa Centaurs as Family (Game Changers)

Language:

English

Series:

Part 1 of home is wherever i'm with you

Stats:

Published: 2026-02-20 Completed: 2026-03-27 Words: 22,829 Chapters: 6/6

can i ask you a question (centaurs on centaurs)

Summary

Tweet by @OttawaCentaursOfficial
March 1, 2022

You asked, we…did something slightly different. Tune into our Instagram starting next week for Centaurs on Centaurs, a brand new series of short episodes where you’ll get to see your favorite hockey players interview each other!

Or, the Ottawa Centaurs' version of Actors on Actors.

Notes

HELLO !! so i've been thinking about doing something like this for a while but also i got a few commenters on oh my god you should see your faces asking about actors on actors and this is my take on it !! i like the concept of harris doing this with all the centaurs though and thus Centaurs on Centaurs was born !!

also sorry guys the social media part of this is not as extensive as the other one mostly because i didn't want to do a workskin for this one LOL so we're going back to what i did for my first fic instead 😭 HOWEVER you might see some familiar names 😌

general disclaimer that no part of this was made with ai, all em dashes exist because i love them thank you

i hope you guys enjoy <3

Chapter 1: ilya rozanov &amp; zane boodram

Chapter Notes

Tweet by @OttawaCentaursOfficial ☑️
March 1, 2022

You asked, we…did something slightly different. Tune into our Instagram starting next week for Centaurs on Centaurs, a brand new series of short episodes where you’ll get to see your favorite hockey players interview each other!

@zanebood ☑️: y’all are in for a real treat with this one ‼️

@hollanitsover: EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU HARRIS OMFG

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: wonder who i will interview 🤔

@evan_dykstra ☑️: @ilyarozanov81 out here acting like you didn’t already record it you’re such a diva

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: @shanehollanderofficial shane dykstra is bullying your husband

@shanehollanderofficial ☑️: @ilyarozanov81 good.

@stillattheblackdog: oh i’m already sat for this

@rozanovian: this is gonna be SO good and also utter chaos i can’t wait

@young_hockey ☑️: THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN 🤭

Tweet by @OttawaCentaursOfficial ☑️
March 7, 2022

The first episode of Centaurs on Centaurs is finally here! Skate on over to our Instagram to watch our beloved captains tackle the first interview: Ilya Rozanov & Zane Boodram!!

Centaurs on Centaurs
Episode 1: Ilya Rozanov & Zane Boodram
Posted: March 7, 2022

[INTRO MUSIC PLAYING]

[A cute animation opens the video: on a dark red background, two cartoon centaurs holding hockey sticks come galloping in from opposite sides of the screen and meet in the middle. They hold their hockey sticks up, forming an X in the middle of the screen where the sticks cross. Large text appears on the screen above them: Centaurs on Centaurs, followed by smaller text underneath them: Ilya Rozanov & Zane Boodram.]

[The video cuts to a series of clips, featuring either or both Ilya and Zane. Most are on the ice, various clips of them with the puck, shooting, or celebrating after a goal. Some are videos of them on the bench: yelling at teammates or the other team, Ilya pointing his hockey stick to someone on the ice, Zane standing up with a roar after someone on the team scored.]

[There’s another cut, this time to a room with Ilya and Zane. They are sitting across from each other in comfortable chairs, a small table between them. They’re both in casual clothing, and both wearing backwards caps. Zane has a noticeable smirk on his face.]

ZANE

So.

ILYA

Yes?

ZANE

You thought it would be Holzy, didn’t you?

ILYA

[crosses his arms, pouts slightly as he sinks down into his chair a little]

No.

ZANE

[laughs loudly]

HARRIS (OFF-CAMERA)

[slightly exasperated]

Boys.

[Ilya and Zane both straighten up in their seats, turning to where Harris is presumably, off-camera.]

ZANE

Sorry, Harris. So [in an exaggerated tone] Captain Ilya Rozanov, you’ve been on the Cens for three full seasons now, this is your fourth. A lot of people—including me, by the way—were pretty shocked when you announced you were signing with the Cens.

ILYA

[snorts quietly]

ZANE

But I assume you’re more settled in now, so, how’s it all feel? [smirks slightly] This season, especially?

ILYA

Reporters ask about me moving teams, even after everything. People on internet are smarter, yes?

HARRIS (OFF-CAMERA)

Ilya!

ILYA

[laughs]

Okay, okay. I will say this once so everyone can stop asking: I moved to Cens for Shane Hollander, obviously. Is his hometown, yes? [voice more serious] Was what we could think of, to be closer to each other when we were still a secret. It took time, to…adjust, I think. Moving to new team is never easy. But this team is—not like others.

ZANE

[whoops softly]

ILYA

[smiles] In best way. We are family, even off-ice, I think. And being captain has always been fun, but is a lot of fun here. Especially, [smirks widely] now that I am captain of Shane Hollander.

ZANE

I think he’s coming for that C, Roz.

ILYA

Too bad, very sad.

ZANE

[snorts] You know that’s not the saying.

ILYA

[shrugs] About this season, is very fun, obviously, to play on this team but this time with my husband. We played together at All-Star in 2017, and was the best time I have had playing hockey. And now I get to do it all the time. I love it.

ZANE

Even when Holzy keeps picking at your backhand during practice?

ILYA

[laughs] Even then. Especially then, I think. Okay. [mocks Zane’s earlier exaggerated tone] Alternate Captain Zane Boodram, you’ve been in Ottawa for entire career. But now is time for truth. [leans in with a serious expression on his face] You actually like Ottawa?

ZANE

[chuckles] Oh man, you know, Ottawa gets such a bad rep. Some people call it boring.

ILYA

Yes.

ZANE

But honestly, I really like it. Maybe it’s Stockholm Syndrome from being here too long. [eyes flicker to where Harris is] Kidding! No, my family is here, my friends are here, and the fans. I mean, the one thing I can say about Ottawa fans is that they’re fucking loyal. And I really do love getting to play here, for them. Sure, now that we’ve got you and Holzy, it’s different. But even when, you know, we weren’t doing so hot a few years ago, the fans were still showing up to home games and shit.

ILYA

I love our fans, yes. And their posters.

ZANE

You’re only saying that because you saw one last week that said you’re a better hockey player than Holzy.

ILYA

And they were not wrong, no?

ZANE

[rolls eyes] Anyway, for someone who thinks Ottawa is boring, you sure do call it home a lot.

ILYA

Okay, will let everyone in on secret. [leans closer to Zane again, voice dropping to a stage whisper] I like boring.

ZANE

Wow.

ILYA

I know, I know. Does not fit my sparkling personality.

ZANE

We gotta stop Bergy and Pointy from teaching you new phrases.

ILYA

Never. But yes, I like boring. I like sitting on couch and watching fire at night. And doing puzzles with David on weekends. And going to farmer’s markets with Yuna. And waving to neighbors and going grocery shopping. And going home. To Shane.

ZANE

Fuck, man, that’s cute.

ILYA

[lips tilt up into softer smile] Is little funny and very sad, how long me and Shane spent running around each other. But now, I get to play on same team as him. I get to go to your barbeque parties with him and not have to hide. I get to go home every day and know he will be there. So yes, Ottawa is home.

ZANE

[also smiles, relaxing into his chair as Ilya talks]

ILYA

Shane is home, I think.

ZANE

Well, fuck.

ILYA

[confused] What? Is there problem?

ZANE

You! You’re the problem! [shakes his head, but there is still a grin on his face] Why are you so romantic, man?

ILYA

[relaxes, and beams] I am most romantic person on team, obviously. No one is better than me at romance.

ZANE

Hey, I take offense to that. I’d say I’m pretty damn romantic, just ask Cassie.

ILYA

Cassie says you need to fix fence in backyard.

ZANE

How do you even—never mind. [sighs] I hate that you and Holzy are part of the WAGs, by the way. You know what, no, not Holzy. I hate that you’re part of the WAGs.

ILYA

Sad for you. We are good at hosting WAG parties. We throw best parties. Ragers. Wine nights. All kinds of nights. We are their favorite players.

HARRIS (OFF-CAMERA)

He’s not wrong.

ZANE

[mock glares at Harris off-camera] I blame you for this, Harris. How could you betray us like this and add them?

HARRIS (OFF-CAMERA)

Hey, take it up with your wife. She’s the one that kept asking me to.

ILYA

[laughs gleefully] See? Favorite players.

ZANE

I take it back, actually. I hate Ottawa.

ILYA

No, you do not.

ZANE

[sighs louder] No, I don’t. Okay, moving on.

ILYA

Yes, moving on. Is time for most important question.

ZANE

Oh no.

ILYA

Who is your favorite rookie on team?

ZANE

[laughs in surprise] You can’t ask me that!

ILYA

Why not?

ZANE

I’m not choosing a rookie.

ILYA

You have to. Is life and death question.

ZANE

Life or death.

ILYA

[waves dismissively] Yes, yes, okay. Now, favorite rookie.

ZANE

Are you even gonna answer this one?

ILYA

No.

ZANE

[throws arms in air in mock outrage] Dude.

ILYA

I cannot pick a child, obviously. Is bad parenting. You are parent, you should know that, Bood.

ZANE

I have one kid. Milo is my favorite. And you do know they’re not actually your children, right?

ILYA

Gave me and Shane #1 team dads card. So, cannot pick favorite child. You still have not answered.

ZANE

[sighs again] Can’t believe all our rooks are Hollanov fanboys.

ILYA

I can.

ZANE

You can’t steal the rooks and WAGs. That’s just unfair.

ILYA

Not stealing if they like us better.

ZANE

I hate you.

ILYA

Yes. And you still did not answer.

ZANE

Ugh, fine. Bergy.

ILYA

[sits up straight, surprise painting his face] I did not think you were actually going to answer. Why Bergy?

ZANE

[covers his face with his hands and groans] I actually hate you.

ILYA

Why Bergy?

ZANE

We have…shared interests. Okay wait, that sounds weird. I just meant that we share a hobby.

ILYA

[a short laugh bursts out] I remember! You were teaching him to barbecue last time!

ZANE

Like I said. Shared interests.

ILYA

So cute, Bood. [leans over and pokes Zane’s cheek, who smacks his hand away] Captain abuse!

ZANE

Shut up, Holzy smacks you harder than that all the time.

ILYA

Ah, yes, but he is allowed to. Because he—

ZANE

Okay, yep cutting that off right there. Don’t need to know.

ILYA

[smirks]

ZANE

Okay, next one. Now that you and Holzy aren’t rivals anymore, who do you think is your biggest rival on the ice?

ILYA

I do not have any other rival. No one else is as good as me but Shane. Is why the rivalry worked.

ZANE

Wow, okay.

ILYA

Is true! Me and Shane always pushed each other to be better players. Yes, we were rivals, but we never really hated each other. Was all…foreplay.

HARRIS (OFF-CAMERA)

Ilya!

ILYA

Is why I do not have any other rival. Will always only be Shane. If you ask me if there are players I do not like playing, then yes.

ZANE

I’m almost scared to ask.

HARRIS (OFF-CAMERA)

Don—

ILYA

Scott Hunter, because he is dinosaur. Bones creak so loud you can hear on ice even in full arena. He should not be playing. I think he will break his hip every time he steps onto ice.

ZANE

[cracking up]

ILYA

And also Hayden Pike. He is best player in Montreal now. But only because rest of team is—

[CUT]

ILYA

I guess I do like playing him, but only because I can see Jackie and kids. They are better Pikes, I think.

ZANE

So, that’s probably getting cut. [looks over to where Harris is] Yeah, that’s definitely getting cut.

ILYA

[shrugs] They know what I think, is okay.

ZANE

Next!

ILYA

Okay. Me or Shane?

ZANE

Shane.

ILYA

[offended] What? I am captain! I was on team for three more years than him!

ZANE

Sure, but he doesn’t smack your ass with his hockey stick multiple times during practice, then pretend to be sorry and say he can kiss it to make it feel better. In front of all of us. Very loudly.

ILYA

[smug] He has best ass in world. In universe. It would be crime not to do that.

ZANE

We’re adding that to the list of PDA for the jar by the way.

ILYA

What? No! Boo! Cruel and unusual punishment! Boo!

ZANE

[rolls eyes] Stay away from Bergy and Pointy.

ILYA

Actually, Marly taught me this one.

ZANE

Either way, that is now a punishable offense for the jar.

ILYA

This is homophobic, I think.

HARRIS (OFF-CAMERA)

Ilya, you can’t say that!

ZANE

We all know that’s not true, Roz. Anyway, I choose Shane. Moving on, me or Dykstra for DJing a party?

ILYA

You are joking, yes?

ZANE

[grins, shrugging happily]

ILYA

I would not let Dykstra touch aux even if it was zombie apocalypse and we would all get brains eaten by zombies unless Dykstra saves world by playing one song.

ZANE

[stares at Ilya] Wow. That’s—that’s definitely a scenario.

ILYA

Is true. [shrugs]

ZANE

[drags out word] Okay. So, me!

ILYA

Yes, you are better than Dykstra. Is very low bar, but yes.

ZANE

Hey, I’m still counting that as a win.

ILYA

Okay, this one is for both of us to answer, I think. But you go first. If you could go back to day you got drafted and tell yourself anything, what would it be?

ZANE

Oh, wow, that got deep. Hmm. I think…I’d probably tell little Zane to keep on dreaming. That even if things might not be the best all the time, he still achieved one of his biggest dreams of making it to the MLH. And eventually he’s gonna meet the most beautiful woman in the world and they’ll get married and have the cutest kid ever. And to keep believing in his other dreams, because one day, they might happen. [smirks, tone shifting to a lighter one] One day, one of the best hockey players of this generation might just fall in love with the other best hockey player and then both of them might move to his team.

ILYA

[snickers] Very good advice, Bood.

ZANE

Okay, your turn.

ILYA

[contemplative expression on face] There is lot, probably, I would tell little Ilya. Do not waste time. The boy with freckles is love of your life, so don’t let him get away. Hockey is fun, yes, but Shane Hollander is your forever. You will find family, even if it is not by blood. You—

[CUT]

ZANE

[eyes slightly shiny] Ilya—

ILYA

[swallows thickly once, before blinking and smiling again] Little Ilya would be very confused, probably.

ZANE

[chuckles] Yeah, he really would. For what it’s worth, we are family.

ILYA

Yes, I know. [soft smile shifts into a more mischievous grin] Only family is invited to game nights, no?

ZANE

[groans in despair] I thought you and Holzy were gonna kill everyone and then each other, man. You guys are way too fucking competitive about Uno.

ILYA

Is part of our charm.

ZANE

I fear for my life every time you and Shane compete at literally anything.

ILYA

[props his chin on his hand] Like I said before. Is foreplay.

ZANE

Okay, shutting this down! Harris, is that it or is there more?

HARRIS (OFF-CAMERA)

One more thing. I’m thinking of doing a small MVP thing after the series ends so I need both of you to vote on who you think is the team MVP!

ZANE

Oh, easy. Holzy.

ILYA

[mock insulted] What? I am captain, Bood! I got winning goal last game!

ZANE

Hockey stick. Ass. Kiss.

ILYA

Boo, you are boring.

ZANE

If I remember correctly, you like boring.

ILYA

Is lie.

ZANE

Okay, fine, who’re you voting as MVP then?

ILYA

[beams, smile taking over his entire face] My husband, Shane Hollander.

ZANE

[in deadpan tone] Wow, what a big surprise. I never could’ve guessed.

ILYA

Yes, I would say me, but I know he will say me, so is okay. I will choose him.

ZANE

[laughs] Imagine he doesn’t.

ILYA

He will. [nods confidently]

ZANE

Well, I think that’s it? [turns to Harris]

HARRIS (OFF-CAMERA)

Yep! Great work, boys!

ILYA

[turns to camera, tone is serious] Okay, internet. We are first episode, but we must be video with most views and likes. Make sure that happens. If we are, then I will release—

[The video cuts to an animated endscreen similar to the intro: a dark red screen with two centaurs, except they are waving their hockey sticks in the air as a goodbye.]

COMMENTS:

@shanehollandersfreckles: ilya pestering zane about his fav rookie and then being surprised when he actually answers LMFAOO

@seasonofthestyx: HOLLANOV WAGS ‼️ HOLLANOV WAGS ‼️

@censforlife: harris cutting out everything ilya said about montreal LET HIM SPEAK SIR

@harrisd_92: @censforlife i’d rather not thanks <3

@evan_dykstra ☑️: fuck you rozy i’m a fantastic dj

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: @evan_dykstra your daughter does not even like your music

@evan_dykstra ☑️: @ilyarozanov81 🖕

@closethebookbabe: ilya’s advice to his younger self 🥺🥺🥺

@heartlikeahotel: ilya confirming that shane and his rivalry was in fact foreplay the entire time lemme act surprised

@oursecretmoments: “shane is home, i think” FUCK ME lord please bring me a love like this

@boodnation: zane bringing up how loyal ottawa fans are YESSIR EXACTLY YALL ARE MY RIDE OR DIE 🫡

@hollanguard: the way zane was slightly emotional after the cut during ilya’s advice to his younger self, i want to know what ilya said but it’s probably so personal 🥺

@babysaliar: y’all heard the man!!! we gotta make this the most viewed episode so he releases something!!! do i know what it is? no. do i want it anyway? ABSOLUTELY 😌

@atthebeachwoodcafe: @babysaliar the way harris cut it, i just know it was something diabolical so seconding this!!!!

@shanehollanderofficial ☑️: @ilyarozanov81 я тебя люблюI love you. ❤️

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: @shanehollanderofficial я тебя люблюI love you. ❤️

Chapter End Notes

if you were curious about what the cut during ilya's advice to his younger self was, ilya says something to the effect of "you will find a better family than you were given, and a team that will also become family. and you—you will be loved." obviously, that was never going to make it into a video going out to the public though 😌 (also this is probably obvious but he is not talking about his mom in the first part, just his dad and brother)

yell at me in the comments !! i love hearing all of your thoughts !!!

Chapter 2: luca haas, cory young, connor holmberg, &amp; jacob lapointe

Chapter Notes

finally back with another chapter of this !! i had SO MUCH FUN doing this one.....it was so chaotic trying to balance all four of these guys in one chapter LOL ! hope you enjoy <3

Tweet by @OttawaCentaursOfficial
March 14, 2022

The second episode of Centaurs on Centaurs is out now! Head over to our Instagram to witness the chaos of the Cens kids that we all adore so much: Luca Haas, Cory Young, Connor Holmberg, & Jacob LaPointe!!

Centaurs on Centaurs
Episode 2: Luca Haas, Cory Young, Connor Holmberg, Jacob LaPointe
Posted: March 14, 2022

[INTRO MUSIC PLAYING]

[A cute animation opens the video: on a dark red background, two cartoon centaurs holding hockey sticks come galloping in from opposite sides of the screen and meet in the middle. They hold their hockey sticks up, forming an X in the middle of the screen where the sticks cross. Large text appears on the screen above them: Centaurs on Centaurs, followed by smaller text underneath them: Luca Haas, Cory Young, Connor Holmberg, & Jacob LaPointe.]

[The video cuts to a series of clips featuring the rookies, either one or a combination of them. A lot of them are on the ice, like Luca slapping in a goal top-shelf, or Cory making a pass to someone else that is not visible on screen. Some of them are them on the bench: Connor ruffling Jacob’s hair when they’re sitting next to each other, Jacob smacking his helmet into Cory’s lightly, Luca’s wide grin at something happening on the ice.]

[There’s another cut, this time to a room with the four rookies. Instead of only two chairs like in the last video, there are four; Luca sits next to Cory, and opposite of them are Connor and Jacob. The table between them is littered with phones all facing down. Cory and Connor are sprawled comfortably in the chairs, while Luca and Jacob are sitting up a little more professionally. They seem to be in the middle of a conversation.]

CORY

—just saying, I don’t think we should be held accountable for it! Bergy’s the one that actually did it. And, Pointy’s the one that went with him!

CONNOR

[voice raised and high-pitched] Because you guys told me it would be hot!

LUCA

I can’t believe you thought we were being serious about that. [shakes his head with a disbelieving look on his face, but there’s also a trace of amusement]

CONNOR

You know what, fuck you guys. Except Pointy, he’s my ride or die. [gives Jacob a fistbump, and they exchange grins; after Connor turns away, Jacob mouths ‘he’s crazy’ to the camera]

CORY

[snorts] And somehow we’re all getting punished for you being insane.

JACOB

Rozy said it was only—

HARRIS (OFF-CAMERA)

Okay, kids, maybe let’s start the actual interview.

ALL

[slightly mumbled] Sorry, Harris.

JACOB

[clears throat and looks over to Harris briefly before turning back to the other three] Okay, so. First question is for Luca. You’re an amazing player, the new generational talent of the league—

LUCA

Shut up.

JACOB

[smirking] But we all know of your, you know, not-so-secret crush on a certain Centaur captain. So, my question is: how did it feel when you first heard you were gonna be on a team with him?

CORY

Damn Pointy, going right for the kill on the first one.

LUCA

[glaring at Jacob] I hate you.

CONNOR

[singing the words a little] That’s not an answer!

LUCA

Fine. [inhales] Obviously, I’ve looked up to Ilya for most of my life. Learning that I was going to be on the same team as him was…insane. I don’t know if I can describe it any better than that.

CORY

I feel like if we’re going to talk about Luca Haas and Ilya Rozanov, we can’t not bring up the fact that you had—

[CUT]

LUCA

[glaring at Cory, who has a large smirk on his face] Fuck you, Young. Also, I would not be talking. I know a certain someone had a huge poster of Shane—

CORY

[eyes widening, while his smirk is wiped off] Nope! No one had any poster, actually. And nobody [narrows his gaze at Luca] has any pictures of any kind of poster from no one’s mom that no one’s mom definitely should not have sent to nobody.

LUCA

[lips tilted up in tiny smirk] Hm. Maybe no one should stop talking about things he shouldn’t then.

CONNOR

Maybe we should move on. [eyes flickering between Luca and Cory, though he is smiling]

HARRIS (O.C.)

[exasperated] Yes, please.

CONNOR

Me next! My question is for Jacob! [turns to Jacob with a somewhat impish grin] Can I have your sister’s num—

[CUT]

[Jacob has Connor is a loose headlock, clearly more for show than him actually being mad, as evident by the way they’re both laughing]

CONNOR

Okay, fuck, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Mercy! [Jacob lets go of Connor but not before smacking him in the back of his head, and they both settle back into their seats] My actual question is, [voice a little ragged, still trying to catch his breath] you’ve played D with a lot of people during games and practices, but who’s your favorite vet to be on a line with?

HARRIS (O.C.)

[mutters, barely audible] Finally, a hockey question.

JACOB

[clearly hears Harris, because he snorts quietly] God, that’s hard. [sees the flat looks from the other three] Really! I love the Cens, man, and all the vets on defense have been so helpful and are so good at what they do, and I’ve learned so much from them. I feel like, I don’t know, every person has their own thing that I lik—

CORY

They’re not here, Pointy. Stop being such a kissass.

CONNOR

Yeah, you made this question kinda boring, wow. Didn’t know you had that in you, I really thought it was gonna be Luca.

LUCA

[sighs] I hate all of you.

JACOB

[smacks Connor’s head again] I’m telling Holzy that you were the one that broke that lamp in their guest roo—

CONNOR

Shut up! [turns to where Harris is] Harris, please cut that. Please.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Maybe.

LUCA

Remember when Harris offered you cider at the last BBQ and you said no? [eyes sparkle a little with humor] He’s not cutting anything for you.

CONNOR

[throws his head back and groans while the other three laugh] Fuckkk. I’m so screwed. Shane’s gonna show up at our apartment in the middle of the night and murder me. And no one’s gonna know because it’s Shane and so no one will ever find my body. And Roz is probably gonna be there with him and he’s so down bad, he’d probably help hide my body too. Shit.

JACOB

Good luck with that, buddy.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Can we get back on track, please?

LUCA

Sorry, Harris, yes. Pointy, what’s your actual answer?

JACOB

[purses his lips as he tilts his head from side to side for a few seconds] Ugh. Fine. Chewy because he doesn’t sing terrible country songs the whole time like Dykstra does. [looks at the camera] Sorry, Dykstra, but if I hear one more song about beer and pickup trucks and whiskey or whatever the fuck else, I might lose my mind.

CORY

I still think that’s a cop-out, Dykstra’s music taste is low-hanging fruit at this point, bro.

JACOB

Fuck off.

CORY

No. [holds up a finger heart]

CONNOR

The fuck is that?

CORY

Isa taught it to me! It’s a little heart, see? [shows it to them again]

[The other three spend half a minute learning how to do finger hearts, until Harris clears his throat from off-screen.]

CORY

Ok, ok, my turn. Bergy, [drops his smile, expression and tone turning serious] we need the tea.

CONNOR

Oh, no.

CORY

Oh, yes. [pitches his voice into a reporter’s tone] A confidential source has revealed that you, Connor Holmberg, finally—finally—have a girlfriend. Would you like to comment on the rumors?

CONNOR

No.

CORY

Sorry, let me rephrase. Comment on the rumors. Period, not question mark. [grins]

LUCA

[chuckles quietly]

CONNOR

[glances at Jacob] Uh, well.

JACOB

Oh my god, dude, you’re fine. [rolls his eyes]

CONNOR

Okay. Yes, I have a girlfriend. [a small smile spreads on his face slowly] She’s amazing. So perfect. I don’t know why she agreed to go out with me, honestly.

JACOB

[mutters] Me either.

CONNOR

Hey!

JACOB

She’s always had questionable taste, I guess. [winces, looks at the camera] Wait, sorry, I don’t mean that. Sorry, Camille. Please don’t hit me.

CORY

[turns to look into the camera] To everyone watching, Connor’s girlfriend is Jacob’s sister. In case that wasn’t clear.

LUCA

You’re such an asshole, Cory. [shaking his head, but laughing a little]

HARRIS (O.C.)

Wow, that’s…

JACOB

It was a shock to me, too. Well, actually. Not really. [rubs the back of his neck and smirks] The first time I brought Camille to one of Bood’s barbeques, Connor didn’t talk for a good five minutes.

CONNOR

Fuck you! She’s the, like, prettiest person I’ve ever seen. It took me fifteen minutes of hyping myself up to go and talk to her.

LUCA

Cute.

CORY

No, not cute. Him [using air-quotes] “hyping himself up” was actually him rambling to me for twenty minutes.

JACOB

Yeah, sounds about right. [ruffles Connor’s hair when he turns to glare at him] S’okay, bro. You’re still my best friend.

CORY & LUCA

Rude.

HARRIS (O.C.)

I don’t know why I expected this to go like the first one did. What was I thinking?

CONNOR

Yeah, grouping the four of us together might’ve been a mistake. That’s on you, though.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Next question, please!

LUCA

Okay, this is for Cory. What’s the most important thing you’ve learned from being on a line with Shane?

HARRIS (O.C.)

Thank you, Luca.

LUCA

[smiles over at Harris]

CORY

Okay, I’ll be serious for once. You probably all know that Shane was pretty much my biggest idol growing up—

CONNOR & LUCA & JACOB

[snort loudly]

CORY

Shut up. Anyway, like Luca said, getting to be on the same team as him is just insane, obviously. But getting to share a line with him sometimes is just, like, beyond anything I could’ve probably imagined. He’s the best player in the league, and he just knows hockey so well, and getting to see the way he is out on the ice—he like knows exactly where to be or pass to five seconds before it even happens, and it’s just crazy honestly. He’s also a really good mentor, too. There’s so many things I probably learned from him since he joined the Cens, and I’ll probably keep learning something new every time.

LUCA

Wow.

JACOB

You know, we tease Luca a lot about his crush on Roz, but we don’t tease you as much as we should about your crush on Holzy.

CORY

He’s literally the best hockey player of this generation.

CONNOR

And your childhood crush.

CORY

[rolls eyes, crosses his arms as he sinks back into his seat] Whatever.

LUCA

You know, you never actually answered the question.

CORY

Oh my god, how do you want me to just pick one? What if I asked you to pick only one thing that you’ve learned from Ilya, huh?

LUCA

Hockey-wise, his edges. Life-wise, the balance between what you show the public and what you keep for yourself.

CONNOR

Huh. Roz doesn’t keep anything to himself, though.

LUCA

Yes, he does.

JACOB

[dragging out the word] Well…his tweets kinda say something different. And him during press, in general. He can never not talk about Holzy—

LUCA

And if Shane actually wanted Ilya to stop any of that, Ilya wouldn’t keep doing it.

CORY

Hm, yeah, that makes sense honestly. I mean, think about it. Shane’s been with Ilya for years. The only person that can handle all of Ilya is someone just as bad, right?

JACOB

[smirks] You mean, someone just as ho—

[CUT]

HARRIS (O.C.)

This really turned into the Shane and Ilya show. Ilya’s gonna be so insufferable, oh my god.

CONNOR

Okay, new question! Do any of you guys have a rival?

CORY

[giggles, eyes flicking over to Luca]

JACOB

I think the only person who can answer this is Luca.

LUCA

Fuck off. I don’t have a rival.

CORY

Well…

LUCA

[leans over to the side and flicks Cory’s cheek, grumbles but his cheeks are slightly flushed] He’s not my fucking rival.

CONNOR

Well, maybe not like, you know, Hollanov. But…

LUCA

We’re literally friends.

JACOB

Friends who everyone pits against each other.

LUCA

That’s on them.

CORY

I was thinking about this the other day, and it’s kinda funny that he’s on Boston. You know, because of R—

[CUT]

LUCA

Moving on, what’s your craziest pre-game superstition?

JACOB

Oh, I got one. I have to listen to the first 30 seconds of Style with only one Airpod in before I put my skates on.

CONNOR

[snorts] Completely true, by the way. One time his phone died before a game and he was panicking in the locker room that he had to listen to Taylor before he could suit up.

JACOB

It’s tradition! And it can’t be more or less than 30 seconds. I accidentally let it play longer once, and it was a nightmare. [shudders] Never doing that again.

CORY

If it works, it works. Mine is that I have to put my left skate on before my right, always.

LUCA

[presses his lips together, holding back a smirk] You know that’s one of Shane’s, right?

CORY

[ears tinged red] No.

CONNOR

Sure, Jan. Anyway, mine’s that I always text my mom right before I step into the locker room before a game.

JACOB

Aww, little mama’s boy.

CONNOR

Shut up. Luca, go.

LUCA

Before my first game with the Cens, my sister sent me this small wooden centaur sculpture as good luck or something. But now on game days, I have to tap it on the nightstand three times right after I wake up.

CORY

That’s…cute?

CONNOR

Is it painted in Cens colors?

LUCA

[exhales with a small smile] No.

JACOB

New art project!

LUCA

You are not fucking with my centaur.

CORY

It’s okay, I’ll ask Anna to send us some, guys, we’re good.

CONNOR

Wait, imagine all of us having tiny wooden centaurs painted in our jerseys! That’s so cute, oh my god, we’re totally doing that!

LUCA

[in a deadpan voice] You’re stealing my superstition.

CORY

You can steal ours!

LUCA

No thanks.

JACOB

Okay, last question of the day! [looks over at Harris, brows lift] Oh, wow, okay this is for everyone. If you could go back to the day you were drafted and tell yourself something, what would it be?

CORY

Shit.

JACOB

Yeah. Okay, I’ll go first. I would probably tell myself to ignore all the noise? Or at least to remember that all those people don’t actually know me. I feel like one of the hardest parts of that first year was just…everything going around me that wasn't hockey. The press, the media, the fans, I don’t know. It was a learning curve, I think.

CONNOR

Fuck, dude, yeah it was bad. That’s good advice though. I’d probably tell little Connor to hang in there. There was um, a lot going on in my life when I got drafted that wasn’t necessarily great, but at the same time, I fucking got to live out my childhood dream. It was a little crazy, but I mean, I’m here now, just getting to have the time of my life doing what I love for a living, you know?

LUCA

 It’s still a dream.

CONNOR

Yeah, it really is. [his wistful expression fades into something more wicked as he looks at Luca] Probably more for you, since you’re basically living out your Y/N—

[CUT]

CONNOR

[laughing] Okay, okay, I’m sorry! Please don’t tell them that, I might already get murdered for the lamp thing.

CORY

[talking to the camera] I feel like all of you think Haas is the baby of the team and is [drags out word satirically] so innocent, but. Out of all of us, he has the most blackmail on everyone. He has ears everywhere. He has eyes everywhere. He has a secret network of moms and sisters that all love him and tell him things. Honestly, he’s actually the devil. We’re all scared of him.

JACOB

Can confirm.

CONNOR

Luca, anything to say about that accusation?

LUCA

[leans forward slightly, as if bending towards a mic] No comment.

CORY

See! [gestures wildly towards Luca, who shrugs with a little tilt of his lips]

CONNOR

Okay, before Harris whacks us with his clipboard for derailing this again, Cory, go. Advice to your draft self.

CORY

God, I know it hasn’t been that long since draft, but it feels a little like a lifetime at the same time. I’d tell little Cory to get his shit together, probably. Like, you’re in the big leagues and you’re gonna be playing on the same team as Shane Hollander at some point, so, you know, lock in.

JACOB

Your big advice is “lock in.”

CORY

[voice somber, nods] Yup.

CONNOR

Well, I think we’ve all locked in since getting drafted, so that’s a win for us?

CORY

Exactly, we all made it! Haas, you’re up.

LUCA

Well it wasn’t that long ago for me, but I’d tell myself that things get better. That they might get worse first, but eventually, they’ll get better. Um, [looks to Harris, before sitting a little straighter in his seat] being drafted to the Cens is probably the best thing that could’ve happened to me, for a lot of reasons. Growing up, hockey has always been important to me, but, uh. [shakes his head, cuts himself off] The Cens are a welcoming team, and just have a really good environment in general. And with Ilya and Shane—

CONNOR

I knew they were gonna make it into this. [shakes his head with a laugh]

JACOB

Well, I think out of all of us, they played the biggest role in Luca’s life—

LUCA

[raises his voice to talk over everyone] Anyway, with Ilya and Shane, they’re obviously the best players out there, but also everything they’ve done for the league outside of that, too.

CORY

[voice more serious] They’ve done a lot. For a lot of people.

LUCA

Yeah, they have. So, knowing everything I know now…I don’t know. [shrugs] I’d tell the version of me that got drafted that maybe it doesn’t have to be as terrible as he thought it would be.

JACOB

That’s a good one to end on, Luca, damn.

CONNOR

Luca outdoing us, again. [his fond smile and mock eye roll makes it clear that he’s joking]

LUCA

Shut up, no I didn’t. All of your advice was something I would’ve wanted to hear back then.

CORY

Honestly, yeah, he’s right. It would’ve been nice to hear everything we said back when we were barely adults and everything was, you know, insane.

JACOB

Yeah.

HARRIS (O.C.)

You boys did great!

CONNOR

[laughs] We know you’re lying, Harris.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Okay, maybe this is not gonna be super fun to edit. But, still! And I have one more question for you all: I’m doing a small MVP thing at the end of the series, so I need all of you to vote on who you think the team MVP is!

JACOB

Oh, easy. Shane.

CONNOR

Zane! He was teaching me how to barbecue the other day, and—[does a chef’s kiss] Perfection.

CORY

Shane!

JACOB

[drags out word] Wow, we’re so surprised! Who could’ve ever guessed that’s who you’d pick? Are you feeling okay, Young?

CORY

[flips Jacob off] Screw you.

LUCA

Ilya.

CONNOR

Another shocking choice! Is the world as we know it ending? What’s next, pigs flying? Meatballs raining down on us?

JACOB

Wait, I actually love that movie—

[The video cuts to an animated endscreen similar to the intro: a dark red screen with two centaurs, except they are waving their hockey sticks in the air as a goodbye.]

COMMENTS:

@censforlife: this was exactly as chaotic as i thought it was gonna be i’m glad to be proven right HARRIS WHY’D YOU PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER LMAOAOAO

@harrisd_92: @censforlife temporary lapse of judgement, i guess

@oursecretmoments: this whole thing literally being “cens rookies fanboying over hollanov for ten minutes”

@babysaliar: all of their advice to their draft selves 🥺 the best team in the whole league!!!!

@evan_dykstra ☑️: fuck you pointy

@jlapointe ☑️: @evan_dykstra IM SORRY I CANT DO IT ANYMORE

@hollanguard: bergy dating pointy’s sister LMFAO??? camille you legend

@camillelp: 😚

@hollanguard: yea ok she is the prettiest person i’ve ever seen connor i understand you

@isa.belle: @young_hockey 🫰🫰

@young_hockey ☑️: 🫰🫰

@shanehollandersfreckles: hold on can we talk about luca hoarding blackmail on all of them?? the whole poster thing at the beginning?? luca haas i love you and your secret network of moms and sisters who love you 🤭

@atthebeachwoodcafe: “if shane actually wanted ilya to stop any of that, ilya wouldn’t keep doing it” YESSIR LUCA HAAS SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE BITCHES IN THE BACK WHO KEEP PRETENDING SHANE ISNT A GROWNASS FUCKING MAN

@boodnation: bergy bringing up zane teaching him to bbq stop the unintentional callback to last week 😭

@shanehollanderofficial ☑️: This was interesting to watch. @young_hockey @jlapointe and @lucahaas That means a lot, thank you ❤️ @connorbergy I need to talk to you after practice.

@young_hockey ☑️: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA the full periods oh you’re dead bergy

@connorbergy ☑️: fuck. @ilyarozanov81 pls save me 🙏

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: @connorbergy you did not vote me for mvp. so no ❤️

@seasonofthestyx: wait wait wait why is no one talking about luca and his rival (??) ON BOSTON???? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN????

@heartlikeahotel: they’re talking about @leo.zicari boston’s star rookie, him and luca are friends but also rivals ig

@leo.zicari ☑️: 😎

@closethebookbabe: jacob with his 30 seconds of style in one airpod only, i am so endeared to you sir get that tayvoodoo on your side

@rozanovian: can i ask what the convo at the beginning was about?? what did bergy do? what are you all getting punished for?? how are you being punished???

@connorbergy ☑️: unfortunately that’s confidential information

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: 🤣

@rozbyanyothername: “you’re gonna be playing on the same team as shane hollander at some point so lock in” honestly the best advice i’ve ever heard ngl who wouldn’t need to lock in while playing with shane

@wyatthayeshockey ☑️: the hollanov fanboys strike again wow

@zanebood ☑️: ilya was in fact insufferable after this thanks a lot rooks

@stillatheblackdog: cory and his crush on shane needs to be talked about more i agree bc why are we always only talking about ilya and luca

Chapter End Notes

if there's one thing i love, it's the multiverse of luca haas boyfriends in hr fanfic, i'm collecting them all like infinity stones !!! and the concept of leo.....hmm.....rival on boston....hollanov reborn but also not....

if you guys read my 'birds of a feather, we should stick together' series i'm sure the convo at the beginning is pretty obvious, i had so much fun including that 😌 also cory and his crush on shane and his giant poster is canon to me now, i've written it enough that it's part of my canon idc if it's not real it's real TO. ME.

also i didn't make it super clear on purpose because i don't know if luca would do that for an instagram video, but he's definitely talking about shane and ilya's relationship and being queer in the league in general in his advice. also i know scott is technically the first to come out publicly, but idk to me i feel like shane and ilya were who the rookies (especially luca) looked up to more growing up based on their age. also i think there’s something to be said about how scott is kind of an all-american white man while both shane and ilya are not and how that also plays a role in everything

as always yell at me in the comments about your favorite parts !!

Chapter 3: wyatt hayes &amp; evan dykstra

Chapter Notes

i always have so much fun seeing your guys' guesses about the pairings but with this one, i'm sure it's pretty obvious who the last one will be LOL !! anyway i had sooo much fun with this one, hope you enjoy <3

Tweet by @OttawaCentaursOfficial
March 21, 2022

The third episode of Centaurs on Centaurs is out now! Skate over to our Instagram to see our goalie and d-man interview each other: Wyatt Hayes & Evan Dykstra!!

Centaurs on Centaurs
Episode 3: Wyatt Hayes & Evan Dykstra
Posted: March 21, 2022

[INTRO MUSIC PLAYING]

[A cute animation opens the video: on a dark red background, two cartoon centaurs holding hockey sticks come galloping in from opposite sides of the screen and meet in the middle. They hold their hockey sticks up, forming an X in the middle of the screen where the sticks cross. Large text appears on the screen above them: Centaurs on Centaurs, followed by smaller text underneath them: Wyatt Hayes & Evan Dykstra.]

[The video cuts to a series of clips, of Wyatt and Evan. Wyatt is in goal for most of them, saving shots, dropping to his knees to block a puck, or maneuvering the puck to one of the Cens defensemen. Evan is also on ice in most of the clips, slamming opponents into the boards, slapping the puck forward on the ice, or moving around behind the goal in a race for the puck.]

[There’s another cut to the same room as the other two videos, with Wyatt and Evan sitting across from each other in chairs. The table between them has a few snacks scattered across it. Wyatt is in the middle of talking, while Evan is staring at him as he listens.]

WYATT

—and two years ago it was Lisa’s choice, so this year I was thinking maybe Peter and Gwen, but that’s kinda basic, you know? But also me and Lisa haven’t done that since like, early college? So I think it could be fun doing it again now. Or maybe Nightwing and Starfire, I don’t see that one a lot. But, hm, you know what, I could see Shane as Nightwing actually! Well, so Ilya would probably need to get a wi—

EVAN

Dude, you know it’s March, right?

WYATT

[pulls his gaze away from the wall he’d been looking at while talking, turning to Evan with a slight headtilt] Yeah?

EVAN

Halloween is like seven months away.

WYATT

We usually pick ours by the summer, it takes time to put the costumes together. [shrugs]

EVAN

[brows rise, a slight look of disbelief on his face] You’re serious?

WYATT

What, why would I lie?

EVAN

Huh. You know what, props to your commitment, I gue—

HARRIS (OFF-CAMERA)

Guys?

WYATT

[startles a little, then turns to where Harris is off-screen] Oh, sorry Harris. Should we get started?

HARRIS (O.C.)

[a little tired] Yes, please. I think filming all of these on the same day was a mistake.

EVAN

The rooks must’ve been bad.

HARRIS (O.C.)

You have no idea, Evan. No idea. [clears his throat] Anyway, go on!

WYATT

Okay, cool. Well, D, first question. You moved to Ottawa pretty early in your career, and have been here ever since. Obviously, [chuckles a little] there have been some ups and downs over the years, but with the end of the regular season coming up, how does it feel knowing we’re going to the playoffs again?

EVAN

[shakes his head] Man, it’s wild, honestly. I love this team, I love the city and its fans, and they’ve stuck with us through a lot. I’m just—I don’t know, so honored and happy to be a part of this team and what it's become, I guess? And ecstatic about playoffs, obviously.

WYATT

Hell yeah!

EVAN

My first question for you is kinda similar, actually. How do you feel about [waves hand around] you know, all of it? As someone who hasn’t been here the whole time, coming from a different team and everything?

WYATT

[taps his fingers on the arm of the chair in a pattern as he talks] I mean, kinda the same as you? But also not, I guess. Coming from To— [cuts himself off with a quiet snort, Evan smirks a little] the other team, I wasn’t really part of it, which was. Hard. Coming to Ottawa and the Cens, wasn’t all easy, especially since Lisa had to move her whole life too. And I’ll always be so grateful that we were able to do that move together. But this team, it really is just—different. The coaching, the culture, the city, all of it. I feel like, well personally, being part of this team really just gave me the chance to grow into who I am as a goalie, too. Hell of a lot more than I was able to, before.

EVAN

And now you’re the best damn goalie in the whole league.

WYATT

[with a small smile on his face] I wouldn’t go that far.

EVAN

I would, Brick Wall Hazy. [laughs]

WYATT

[laughs along] Oh my god, I really didn’t think that was gonna become a whole thing. [turns to the camera] All of you out there on the internet, just know that we see everything. [drags out word dramatically] Everything.

EVAN

Even if we don’t particularly want to see it. I’d like to request that you guys stop tagging Rozy in any and all tweets. Please.

WYATT

That might be a losing battle.

EVAN

[mutters] Unfortunately.

WYATT

Okay, next! [lets a crooked smirk spread on his face] So. Multiple sources, potentially on the team, potentially not, have brought in many complaints about a certain someone’s music taste. Anything to say on that?

EVAN

[tilts his head back onto the chair and groans] I hate all of you. My music taste is completely normal. And nothing to complain about. You assholes.

WYATT

I believe one of the accusations is, and I quote, “can’t listen to another song about beer and pickup trucks and whiskey…or I might lose my mind.”

EVAN

[rolls his eyes] That’s definitely one of the rooks. I’m gonna tell Roz to make them do bag skates till they throw up tomorrow.

WYATT

I can neither confirm nor deny that. Also—

EVAN

Yeah, yeah, I know Roz hates my music too. Last time I tried reaching for the aux, he honest to god tackled me. Almost broke a vase, actually. [grins widely] Holzy was not happy.

WYATT

Oh, wait! Actually, there’s a story behind that, Holzy was telling us while you and Rozy were wrestling. Apparently, that’s the first home decor they bought together after he moved in. Rozy didn’t have a lot of decor before, so once Holzy moved in, they did an Ikea trip—which honestly, I wish I could’ve seen, that sounds like it would’ve been a fun video. Wait, Harris [turns to Harris off-camera] we should do an Ikea trip video!

HARRIS (O.C.)

Wyatt, that sounds like an actual nightmare.

WYATT

No, it would be so fun! Shane and Ilya might be, you know, Shane and Ilya about it, but imagine! We have to pick out furniture and then build it. Maybe we could do a competition to see who could build it the fastes—

EVAN

Hazy. Think about the fact that you just said the word “competition.” And then think about who we have on our team. Really think about that for a second.

WYATT

[pauses] Okay yeah, fair. But. It’s content!

HARRIS (O.C.)

Wrangling the two most competitive people I’ve ever met plus all the rookies might be the thing to give me gray hair, if I’m being honest. I don’t think there’s any way to survive that.

WYATT

So, you’ll think about it?

HARRIS (O.C.)

Sure.

EVAN

[snorts] Okay, my turn. You’re pretty open about your second, not really secret, nerd account. How did that, you know, start?

WYATT

I’m gonna ignore that you called it a nerd account. And yeah, it’s not really something I keep secret, because I’ve always liked this since I was a kid, I guess. But, anyway, I started HazyHeroes when I was in college. Me and Lisa, we met at freshmen orientation, actually, and we instantly clicked, and you know, I fell head over heels and all that. But a few months after that, we were talking about one of the SpiderMan movies, and she said “I feel like you could make a secret account ranting about what you think about all this” or something like that. It was a joke, [shrugs] until it wasn’t. I’d already been collecting comic books for years at that point, and done a few cosplays. And it’s a hobby I like investing time in, so that I wasn’t always just hockey, hockey, hockey. So, I thought, why not?

EVAN

Your cosplays on there are pretty fucking cool, man.

WYATT

[beams] Thanks! I didn’t expect it to take off, honestly. But then Harris featured it on the Cens account that one time, and [shakes his head] people seem to like it as much as I do.

EVAN

Or maybe they just like you. [laughs when Wyatt flips him off] More hockey players should have hobbies, if you ask me. It might help some of the league’s problems, at least.

WYATT

I really think it would. I’ve had a few players reach out to me about doing something on the account, as a guest star or something, which is pretty cool. Me and Boiziau did a video a couple months ago. Zicari asked about doing one on the new Batman movie that just came out. I’m not like, the hobby guru or anything, but hearing that more players are starting to show their personalities off the ice more has been really nice. We’re more than just hockey players at the end of the day, and that’s why I kept up the account even after getting drafted and everything.

EVAN

Damn, I didn’t know people have been reaching out to you, Hazy, that’s cool as fuck. [brief pause] Zicari, huh? [there’s a small smirk on his face, but he flattens out his expression a moment later]

WYATT

[brightens] Yeah! He’s a fellow comic book collector, apparently. Which, you know, immediate approval from me.

EVAN

Approval?

WYATT

Yep. [says nothing else, though the corner of his mouth twitches, as does Evan’s]

HARRIS (O.C.)

Next question!

WYATT

[laughs quietly] Okay, I’m only asking this because I think it will boost our video’s viewers because I know the power of #Hollanov. Content creation and all that, you know? [salutes over to where Harris is, and there’s a faint oh no that’s barely audible] And also because I need something to taunt Ilya with cause on our last roadie, I was in the room next to—

[CUT]

WYATT

Anyway, I heard Ilya asked Zane this in their video anyway, so…Shane or Ilya?

EVAN

Wow. What kinda question is that? Shane.

WYATT

No hesitation, wow.

EVAN

Shane doesn’t smack his husband’s ass on the ice during practice. Shane doesn’t purposefully make out with his husband right in front of us if any of us mention Shane being attractive. Shane doesn’t slip his hand i—

[CUT]

EVAN

So, yes. Shane.

WYATT

[laughing] All fair points, I think.

EVAN

Okay. Moving on. Your favorite rookie?

WYATT

Hmm, that’s a hard one. I love them all, obviously. So these are all gonna be stupid reasons, because I can’t actually pick. I would maybe say Luca, because I met Zicari through him, and now I have another hockey player who's as obsessed with comics as me to talk with. But also Cory got me tickets to Comic Con for Secret Santa last year. And Connor and Jacob both did the group costume with me last year for Halloween when Lisa was on-call and couldn’t make it to the party.

EVAN

I love how all of those reasons have to do with you being nerdy as hell. But, I don’t think there was any choice being made in all that.

WYATT

[taps the arm of his chair] Cory. [scrunches up his face a little in remorse, but then smiles] I’m really psyched about Comic Con.

EVAN

I’m honestly really excited to see your cosplays for it.

WYATT

Me too, buddy. Okay, nex—

HARRIS (O.C.)

Can I just take a moment to say, you guys have been the best video so far. Thank you, oh my god.

WYATT

[chuckles]

EVAN

[snickers] Harris, you started with Ilya. And then all four of the rooks at the same time. What were you expecting?

HARRIS (O.C.)

Too much. Way too much.

WYATT

Well, at least the next one won’t be too bad.

HARRIS (O.C.)

[mutters darkly] I’m not too sure about that, actually.

EVAN

Oh no.

HARRIS (O.C.)

A problem for future me. [voice brighter] You guys can continue!

WYATT

I stole this question from the rookies, cause it’s fun. Do you think you have a rival in the league?

EVAN

[snorts] Hell fucking no. And I don’t want one, especially after seeing how it was for Roz and Holzy. [pauses, before smirking slightly] There’s players I don’t like. Ones I particularly enjoy beating out on the ice. If that counts.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Ilya said something vaguely similar, I think.

EVAN

[groans] Why would Zane even ask who his rival is? The only person he can compete with is Shane.

HARRIS (O.C.)

[laughing] That’s also what he said.

WYATT

So, no rival, huh D?

EVAN

No, thank you. I think we get enough entertainment ‘round here with Luca’s [using air quotes] “rival.”

WYATT

Well, now that the league’s biggest rivalry is fucking married and on the same team, I guess they had to do something, even if it’s kinda bullshit. Boston vs Ottawa might be just as good as Boston vs Montreal was, back then. Now that Montreal is—

[CUT]

EVAN

[mid-laugh] That’s so getting cut.

WYATT

I said what I said. [shrugs]

EVAN

Okay, I have a fun question. [lips tilt up into a devious smirk as he crosses his arms and leans back] Rank your top five players on the team to room with on roadies.

WYATT

[turns to the camera with a serious expression] Just putting this out there first, Shane and Ilya are not on this list. They’re not even in the vicinity of this list. They’re so far off this list they’re in a hotel room in a completely different hotel on the other side of town cause that’s where I’d like them to be on roadies.

EVAN

[chuckles, while nodding]

WYATT

Now that that’s out of the way. Luca. You. Nick. Zane. Jacob.

EVAN

Damn, Hazy. You’re not gonna explain?

WYATT

I have a feeling Harris would cut it all out anyway.

EVAN

[pouts] Aww, Wyatt.

WYATT

It’s actually fine. Some of my reasons are not something I want to say on camera.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Huh. Why do I kinda wanna hear them now?

EVAN

Yeah, just tell us. Harris can take it all out.

WYATT

Well—

[CUT]

EVAN & HARRIS

[choking on laughter]

WYATT

I told you.

EVAN

Holy fuck, I was not expecting that. We’re showing all of that to the rest of the team. I need them all to hear this.

WYATT

Sure, why not. Maybe then—

[CUT]

EVAN

[giggling] Harris, please save this footage.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Oh, 100 percent.

WYATT

[a serene, innocent expression on his face] Next question. From all the time you’ve been here, what’s been your favorite memory from Ottawa?

EVAN

Oh, easy, I know this one. Went to Rideau Canal with Cait and Susie last December. We even got Susie into these tiny skates. It’s…one of my favorite memories ever, actually.

WYATT

Oh, I remember the pictures from that day. So, so cute.

EVAN

With the team, I’d say when we did that escape room right before preseason.

WYATT

Oh, god. That was…interesting.

EVAN

[turns to look into the camera] Shane, Wyatt, and Luca did pretty much all of the work. It was a great team bonding event, for everyone but those three.

WYATT

If we ever do that again, we’re splitting into teams.

EVAN

I don’t think we’re ever gonna do that again, based on how it ended last time.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Yeah, no, that’s never happening again. I had to apologize so many times to all of the workers after you guys left. [in a low voice] Never happening again.

EVAN

[turning to Wyatt, in a deadpan voice] And you want to do an Ikea building competition.

WYATT

We send Roz and Holzy on an excursion somewhere else. [raises one of his shoulders in a small shrug] Problem solved.

EVAN

[considers it for a few seconds] That would fix most of it, I think.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Do an Ikea building competition on your own channel if you want, Wyatt. I will not be supervising.

WYATT

[brows raise as he thinks about it] That wouldn’t make sense for my account, though.

EVAN

Wait, wait, hear me out. Ikea building competition, but! [holds his hands out] But. Comic trivia at the same time.

WYATT

Huh. That’s actually…not a bad idea. I’d need to find pairs of people with matching comic knowledge so it’s evenly matched. But that actually sounds like a really fun series to do. Evan, I’m stealing that.

EVAN

Go right ahead, man. [smiles] As long as I can be there to watch when you’re inevitably forced to have Ilya and Shane on there.

WYATT

I have a feeling their comic knowledge does not match.

EVAN

[snorts] Probably an understatement. But, you know whose would?

WYATT

[tilts his head]

EVAN

L—

[CUT]

WYATT

That’s getting cut.

EVAN

Oh, definitely. I just wanted to say it. [smirks]

WYATT

Okay, last question. What would your advice to your draft self be, if you could go back in time?

EVAN

Wow, that’s a lot to think about. Hmm. Probably…to remember that being a part of this league and doing this for a living requires balance? When I first got drafted, in the earlier years, I feel like I wasn’t great at that. Led to things that I don’t necessarily love looking back on, honestly. So, I’d tell myself to have a balance between hockey and just life, in general.

WYATT

That’s a good one. A lot of people don’t realize how easy it is to get swept up in all of it, I think.

EVANS

[nods] Yep, exactly. Well, your turn. What’s your advice to little Wyatt?

WYATT

[sighs] Man, there’s probably a lot. I was so happy when I got drafted, but. It was a rough time, those years. I’d probably tell draft me to prepare himself for a bumpy road ahead. But that’s too depressing to end on, so I’d also tell him to make sure he always sticks to who he is and what he believes in, and that eventually, it’ll all work out. That if he does that, he’ll end up somewhere where he’s happy.

EVAN

[a softer expression on his face as he looks at Wyatt] That’s really great advice, man. I’m glad you’re somewhere that you can be happy.

WYATT

[looks at camera] Love you, Ottawa!

HARRIS (O.C.)

One last thing before we end, guys. I’m doing a little MVP thing for the end of the series, so who would you guys say is the MVP of the team?

EVAN

[presses his lips together] I’m gonna regret this. [takes a breath] Ilya.

WYATT

He is the captain.

EVAN

A damn good one too…which I’m now regretting saying because he’s gonna be so annoying about this. But, [lets out a deep sigh] him moving here did change things for the team. And if he never came here, Shane wouldn’t be here now.

WYATT

If you think about it, though, Ilya came here beca—

[CUT]

WYATT

Yeah, I’m going Shane!

HARRIS (O.C.)

Thank you, boys! You did great! Seriously.

EVAN & WYATT

[laughing]

[The video cuts to an animated endscreen similar to the intro: a dark red screen with two centaurs, except they are waving their hockey sticks in the air as a goodbye.]

COMMENTS

@babysaliar: wyatt hayes i am in platonic love with you pls do the ikea/comic trivia competition on your channel i need it so so so bad 🙏

@wyatthayeshockey ☑️: @babysaliar don’t worry it’s in the works!

@oursecretmoments: SHANE AS NIGHTWING SHANE AS NIGHTWING SHANE AS NIGHTWING 🥵

@boodnation: d being cut off when he was ranting about all the things ilya does to shane in front of the team, harris release the full footage if you’re not a coward

@harrisd_92: @boodnation legally, i cannot actually

@atthebeachwoodcafe: zicari being mentioned again…..hm #noticing

@censforlife: wyatt saying he wants hollanov in a hotel on the other side of town LMFAOAO i just know all the cens are traumatized

@young_hockey ☑️: happy you liked the comic con tickets hazy!!! - your fav rookie 🫰

@jlapointe ☑️: @young_hockey booo booo 🍅🍅

@connorbergy ☑️: @young_hockey booo booo 🍅🍅

@lucahaas ☑️: @young_hockey boo. 🍅🍅

@hollanguard: wyatt talking about toronto and how different ottawa is 🥺 being in a place he’s happy 🥺

@closethebookbabe: “more hockey players should have hobbies” HARD AGREE not enough players have second accounts dedicated to their hobbies and i think that’s a real problem in the league we need to have a conversation about (shane hollander you are the only exception to this i love you please never change)

@rozanovian: i need to know wyatt’s explanations for his roommate rankings SO FUCKING BAD PLS PLS

@zanebood ☑️: @rozanovian you really don’t actually 💀

@cliffmarlow_7 ☑️: hey no stealing our rook! if z’s gonna be on your competition series, i want in too 🤣

@wyatthayeshockey ☑️: @cliffmarlow_7 you’re on the list 🫡

@brickwallhazy: omgomg my username being featured 🤭

@seasonofthestyx: the idea of shane and ilya going on an ikea trip to pick out decor for their home together why am i crying 🥹

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: @evan_dykstra you were on thin ice but you voted me mvp and called me good captain so you are safe

@evan_dykstra ☑️: @ilyarozanov81 i take it all back

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: @evan_dykstra ok see you at practice 😙

@shanehollandersfreckles: evan asking people to stop tagging ilya in tweets HAHA sir i fear that will never happen

@stillatheblackdog: this video being the one with the most questions answered because harris didn’t have to reel them in every two seconds 💀

@shanehollanderofficial ☑️: i’m never doing an escape room with the team ever again.

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: @shanehollanderofficial not even with me moya lyubov 😕

@shanehollanderoffial ☑️: @ilyarozanov81 especially with you asshole

@leo.zicari ☑️: i volunteer to be the first contestant on the ikea/comic trivia competition 😎

@wyatthayeshockey ☑️: @leo.zicari adding you to the top of the list 😉

@lucahaas ☑️: @leo.zicari 🙄🙄

@leo.zicari ☑️: @lucahaas dw amo you’re still my best friend i promise

@young_hockey ☑️: @leo.zicari hey fuck off he’s MY best friend

@leo.zicari ☑️: @young_hockey sure

@heartlikeahotel: i just know wyatt hayes is on tumblr i can’t prove it but i know he is

@rozbyanyothername: leo and luca flirting/bickering in the comments LMAO luca really is hollanov’s child isn’t he

Chapter End Notes

me writing this chapter: i've only had leo zicari for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, i would kill everyone in this room and then myself

also "amo" is an italian pet name for "love" so you know....do with that what you will

i had SM fun writing wyatt and evan, mostly because i don't write them often, and their voices were very entertaining to write in. especially wyatt, because i love him so much ! anyway i'm very very excited for the next chapter....😌

as always yell at me in the comments about your favorite parts !!!

Chapter 4: shane hollander &amp; troy barrett

Chapter Notes

it's finally here !! this one took me a bit longer but it's also longer than the other ones so far (i feel like they've progressively been getting longer and longer LOL) !! but i had so much fun writing this one for many reasons, hope you enjoy <3

oh also you can tap/hover over the russian for translations !!

Tweet by @OttawaCentaursOfficial
March 28, 2022

The next episode of Centaurs on Centaurs is out now! Skate over to our Instagram to see our two forwards interview each other: Shane Hollander and Troy Barrett!!

Centaurs on Centaurs
Episode 4: Shane Hollander & Troy Barrett
Posted: March 28, 2022

[INTRO MUSIC PLAYING]

[A cute animation opens the video: on a dark red background, two cartoon centaurs holding hockey sticks come galloping in from opposite sides of the screen and meet in the middle. They hold their hockey sticks up, forming an X in the middle of the screen where the sticks cross. Large text appears on the screen above them: Centaurs on Centaurs, followed by smaller text underneath them: Shane Hollander & Troy Barrett.]

[The video cuts to a series of clips, this time of Shane and Troy, but only from their time on the Centaurs. Troy on the wing with the puck, after getting it from Ilya at face-off, slapping it into goal, and him on the bench, yelling at something on the ice. Shane bent over for a face-off, also taking shots on goal, and sitting on the bench with a focused expression, saying something to Luca.]

[There’s another cut to the same room again, with Shane and Troy in chairs across from each other. The table between them has their phones, and also some kind of green smoothie, in front of Shane. They’re both sitting comfortably in their seats, Shane in a black Centaurs hoodie and Troy in a red and black Centaurs T-shirt.]

TROY

—plus I got fifty dollars riding on this, Holzy.

SHANE

[rolls his eyes] Fuck off.

TROY

The whole team is in on this. C’mon.

SHANE

I told him not to.

TROY

[snorts] And you think he’ll listen?

SHANE

[grumbles] He better.

HARRIS (OFF-CAMERA)

Okay, let’s go guys. The faster we finish filming this, the better.

TROY

[with a small smirk on his face] We’re racing against the internal boredom clock of Ilya Rozanov. I think we’re fucked, either way.

SHANE

[glares slightly at Troy] First question. You’ve been with the Cens for a while now. [tone shifts slightly, a little gentler] A lot’s happened, during all that. But, how are you liking Ottawa?

TROY

[exhales a short laugh, shaking his head as he turns to where Harris is off-screen] You know, you really weren’t subtle, pairing us together.

SHANE

[snorts, hiding a brief smile as he looks at whatever Harris is doing silently off-camera]

TROY

Anyway. [looks back at Shane] I like Ottawa. I like the Centaurs and everyone on the team, hell of a lot more than— [cuts himself off, lips tilting up into a small smirk] Coming here, obviously it was not a great time in my life, but it…was one of the best things to happen to me, probably. For a lot of reasons. [eyes flicker to Harris off-camera, a small, shy smile spreading on his face]

SHANE

I’m glad you found that, with the Cens.

TROY

Yeah, me too. [settles back into his seat, looking at Shane] My first question for you is similar, obviously.

SHANE

Yeah, kinda saw that coming.

TROY

[quietly snorts, before a more serious expression crosses his face] What is it like for you, being in Ottawa after all this time?

SHANE

[inhales, his eyes darting away from Troy and to a wall behind him] Well, I mean. When it first happened, definitely bittersweet. I’m sure you can guess why. [scoffs slightly, shaking his head like he’s clearing away his thoughts] Leaving was fucking hard. [picks at the skin on his thumb as he keeps talking] It was also the easiest thing I’ve done, in some ways.

TROY

And now you’re here.

SHANE

And now I’m here. [nods once] This team is…nothing like what I’ve had before. And, also. [shrugs] I mean I get to play hockey with Ilya by my side. Which is something I only got a taste of during All Stars that one year. It’s the most fun I’ve had. I love hockey, don’t get me wrong, I always have, but it’s different with him. I don’t know how to explain it. But sometimes, I can’t believe I get that all the time now.

HARRIS (O.C.)

[voice low] Ilya said almost the exact same thing.

TROY

[squints at Shane] You know, you guys are actually codependent.

SHANE

[shrugs again, voice light and level] I think it’s more that he knows me better than anyone. And vice versa.

TROY

Yeah, yeah, we get it. You basically grew up together.

SHANE

[flips Troy off] Okay, next. I’m only asking this because Ilya’s forcing me to. [sighs] Who’s your favorite rookie?

TROY

[laughs] He vetted all your questions, didn’t he?

SHANE

He’s an asshole, so yes.

TROY

Well, to answer the question, I don’t have one. They’re all cool.

SHANE

[stares at Troy for a few seconds] No.

TROY

What? [splutters out a laugh] I feel like you really channel Roz without even trying sometimes.

SHANE

You still haven’t answered the question, Barrett.

TROY

Why don’t you answer then?

SHANE

Can’t. They’re all over at our place too much.

TROY

Ah, I see. Scared of choosing a favorite child?

SHANE

Answer the question, Troy.

TROY

Fine. [raises his hands in surrender mockingly] Young.

SHANE

What. [tilts his head and squints a little in Troy’s direction] Why?

TROY

[one side of his mouth lifts into a subtle smirk] You sound a little jealous, Holzy. Don’t worry, m’not stealing your rookie away from you.

SHANE

[voice flat, with a stoic look on his face] I’m going to leave.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Shane, nooo.

SHANE

Well, tell your fiancé to stop, then.

TROY

[raises his hands again] Hey, I’m not saying anything crazy.

SHANE

[crosses his arms and rolls his eyes]

TROY

Okay, my turn. I heard Zane asked Ilya this earlier, so I think you need to answer it too. Who is your biggest rival on ice, now that you and Ilya are on the same team?

SHANE

[lets out short huff] I don’t have any other rival. Just Ilya.

TROY

Hm. Why?

SHANE

Well, looking at the stats alone, it’s kind of obvious? In terms of career goals, Ilya’s first, and in terms of career points, I am. And we’re both second in the opposite category. I could see Haas maybe getting up there in points when he’s further into his career, same with Zicari, but not right now when they’re both still rookies. Then if you look at face-off percentages across the league, we’re also both at the top. Same with plus-minus. We might be on the same team but, [lifts one shoulder in a shrug] Ilya’s still my only rival on the ice.

TROY

[mouth slightly parted as he stares at Shane for a few moments] Huh. I…can’t tell if that’s you trying to be romantic or you just being kind of a cocky asshole.

SHANE

[pulls his face back a little, narrowing his eyes] Those are the stats.

TROY

Oh, I know. Believe me, I’m not betting against your hockey knowledge ever again after you lost me two hundred dollars.

SHANE

I did not lose you the money, you lost it yourself, Barrett.

TROY

Who the hell would even know LA’s power play percentage in fucking 2004?

SHANE

[with a small, smug smile] Me.

TROY

Fuck you.

SHANE

[completely deadpan] No, thanks. I have a husband.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Shane! [ends on a short laugh]

TROY

Y’know. [narrows his eyes at Shane and tilts his head to the side] I’m glad everyone’s gonna get to see that you’re just as bad of a menace as Roz sometimes.

SHANE

I’m just stating a fact.

TROY

[rolls his eyes] Yeah, yeah, sure.

SHANE

What’s your favorite thing about playing on the Cens? Hockey-wise.

TROY

Well—I guess this isn’t completely hockey-wise, but I feel like it translates to hockey a lot. Cause I saw what a team was like on the ice when it wasn’t like this, but. We all get along off the ice, which isn’t as common as I thought it would be, I guess. [snorts humorlessly] And that translates to when we are on the ice. Being on a line with Ilya and Zane, it really is fun. Obviously, there’s always pressure, being a professional athlete and everything, but something about the Cens makes it feel less like a job sometimes, y’know?

SHANE

[hums knowingly, a small frown on his face] Yeah. I get that.

TROY

Y—

[CUT]

TROY

Okay, okay, anyway. Next. What’s your favorite thing about playing on the Cens, hockey-wise?

SHANE

Ah. I…don’t know if I should say this.

TROY

Oh? [leans forward, eyes widening in an exaggerated way]

HARRIS (O.C.)

We can always cut it, Shane.

SHANE

Yeah. [shakes his head once] Yeah. The obvious answer is the power play.

TROY

[drags out word] Wow, shocker.

SHANE

Shut up. Since we’re not on the same line, getting to be on the ice with Ilya during the power play is always fun. The, uh, less obvious answer is that I… [eyes dart back and forth a couple of times, his gaze on the wall opposite of him] I like that we have a lot of different kinds of plays. Offense-wise.

TROY

[tilts his head] What?

SHANE

[presses his lips together] That every play isn’t about getting the puck to one person. It’s more…varied.

TROY

[eyes widen slightly, and then snorts out a laugh] Oh. Oh—

[CUT]

SHANE

Okay, another Ilya question. Sorry. [grimaces but his eyes show a glimmer of amusement, while Troy shakes his head with a small laugh] If you had to pick one of the Cens to throw you a bachelor party, who would it be and why?

TROY

Oh no.

SHANE

[lips tilt up slightly, but stays quiet]

TROY

Shane, buddy. [voice a little pleading] No.

SHANE

Hey, it’s just a question!

TROY

Actually, sure, fine. [clears throat] I’ll do you one better, I’ll give you my top three.

SHANE

[raises brows silently]

TROY

Zane, Wyatt, Nick.

SHANE

[smirk grows] You almost had me convinced, but we both know that’s a lie, Barrett.

TROY

[mutters under his breath] Fuck you.

SHANE

N—

TROY

Don’t even think about saying it again, Hollander.

SHANE

[coughs out a small laugh]

TROY

Fine. [sighs out] It’s Ilya. [glares at Shane] Which he fucking knows already.

SHANE

Yeah. [gives Troy a small grin] Have fun with that.

TROY

[groans, tilting his head back onto the chair]

HARRIS (O.C.)

I would just like to note on record that I want no part in Troy’s bachelor party.

SHANE

[smiles off-camera to where Harris is] Don’t worry Harris, you’re getting one with the WAGs.

TROY

[grumbles] Can I join that one?

HARRIS & SHANE

Nope!

TROY

Fuck me. Okay, next question before I can think about what Roz has planned. [voice sobers up a little] It’s brought up pretty frequently, that a lot of people say that your hobby is hockey and that it’s also the [using air quotes with his fingers] “love of your life.” Any comments on that?

SHANE

Yeah, actually. [stares at the camera, voice level and firm] Ilya Rozanov is the love of my life. I would think that’s pretty clear by now, after everything, but some people really don’t seem to get it.

TROY

[smirks] You might have to do something insane like get a tattoo for him or something for it to really sink in for those people.

SHANE

[cheeks immediately turn pink, his head tilts to the side as one of his eyes narrow into a squint] Well—

TROY

[eyes widen, completely bewildered] Oh my god!

HARRIS (O.C.)

Shane! [voice gets a little shrill] Are you serious?

SHANE

[clears throat once] Uh. Okay. [moves his head until he settles it into a quick nod] Okay. He doesn’t know yet, I got it done this morning.

TROY

Holy shit. You’re not kidding.

SHANE

[trying to stifle a smile, but it doesn’t work] No, I’m not.

TROY

[a little hesitant] Can I ask…

SHANE

Yeah, you can. [his cheeks flush again slightly]

TROY

So, Shane. [seems to reel in his surprise as he sinks back into his seat and points a sly grin in Shane’s direction] What’s the tattoo of?

SHANE

[looks down at the floor for a second, mouth pulling up into a slight smile and eyes crinkling at the corners as he seems to think about something, before bringing his gaze back up] 81.

TROY

[jaw drops open] Holzy.

SHANE

[with an innocent expression on his face] Yes?

TROY

Don’t say yes all innocent like that. [leans back in his seat with a huff] He’s gonna lose his mind. You know that, right?

SHANE

[bites the inside of his cheek, but his smirk peeks through anyway]

TROY

You… [points a finger at Shane] You’re insane.

SHANE

Maybe. [tilts his head to the side a little] Going back to the rest of your question, though—

TROY

Hold on, you’re just gonna brush past all this?

SHANE

[deadpan] What else do you want me to say?

TROY

[thinks for a second, before muffling a laugh into the back of his hand] Where is it?

SHANE

[blinks once, and then a second time after a few moments] So, going back to the rest of your quest—

TROY & HARRIS

[laugh loudly]

SHANE

Are you two just going to laugh for the rest of this, or should I actually answer?

TROY

Sorry, sorry. [chuckles again, but pulls together a straight face as Shane mock glares at him] Okay, go ahead.

SHANE

[sarcastically] Thank you. [voice turns more serious, grin dropping from his face] I see and hear that a lot, in press and on the internet. A lot more than I’d expect, given that Ilya is my fucking husband, you know? Do I love hockey? Yeah, obviously. Would I consider it my only hobby? Maybe, I guess, I know a lot of people joke about that. I also like doing other things, like yoga and the occasional video game or something. But yeah, sure, I do love hockey, and I spend a lot of time reading books about it, watching it, talking about it. And yeah, it means a lot to me.

TROY

I’m sensing a but.

SHANE

But, [emphasizes the word pointedly, which makes Troy smile] it does not mean more to me than Ilya. I know both me and Ilya have already talked about this before, but. [voice gets quieter, and his tone is a little heavier] It’s been over twelve years. I’ve known Ilya for every single game I’ve ever played as part of the MLH. I met him when we were just teenagers, and now he’s my husband. Nothing, [eyes flick to the camera for a split-second] nothing, means more to me than him. Not even hockey.

TROY

[exhales softly] Fuck, dude.

SHANE

[swallows, tugging at his ear gently] What?

TROY

That was romantic as hell.

SHANE

Yeah, well. Maybe all the questions and assumptions have been getting to me, a little.

TROY

Roz is gonna lose his fucking mind again—

[CUT]

TROY

Shane Hollander is a romantic, you heard it here first.

SHANE

Let’s move on.

HARRIS (O.C.)

As much as I’m loving this, yes, please.

SHANE

Okay, next question I have i—

[There’s a sound of a door opening, and a quiet oh no from somewhere off-camera.]

ILYA (O.C.)

Hi Harris! Barrett. [voice turns teasing] Hollander.

TROY

[laughs] Fuck yes, you just made me fifty dollars richer, Roz.

SHANE

Ilya.

ILYA

[walks on-camera, hovering near Shane’s chair] I got bored, and I thought: what is best way to not be bored? [runs one of his hands through the hair on the back of Shane’s head] Obviously, answer is to crash interview of my boring husband, yes?

SHANE

Fuck you. [reaches up and smacks Ilya’s stomach]

TROY

[under his breath] Wouldn’t say he’s that boring anymore.

ILYA

[perks up, looking over at Troy] What does that mean?

SHANE

[glares at Troy, and then up at Ilya] Уходи сейчасLeave now.

ILYA

Но мой помидор, я тебя люблю.But my tomato, I love you. [pouts a little]

SHANE

[stares for a couple seconds, but his eyes soften] я тоже тебя люблю.I love you too. [presses a small kiss to Ilya’s bicep] Now, please leave, baby.

ILYA

[slightly giddy expression on his face, but he tones it down as his lips tug up into a small smirk] I will leave interview, but I will stay in room. Troy’s fiancé is here, only fair that Shane’s husband is also here. Compromise, yes?

HARRIS (O.C.)

[voice a little exasperated] Troy’s fiancé is running this whole thing.

ILYA

Yes, and I will help. [beams off-camera to where Harris is]

TROY

[murmurs] Help is a strong word.

SHANE

Okay, but no interrupting.

TROY

[shakes his head with a snicker] You fold so easily, Holzy.

ILYA

[mischevious look in his eyes, and his voice is suggestive] Yes he d—

SHANE

Rozanov.

ILYA

Okay, going now. [raises his hands in surrender, though his smirk doesn’t leave his face as he walks off-camera]

TROY

[snorts, turning to Shane] This’ll be fun.

SHANE

Fuck off. [exhales] Okay, next question. Actually, last question, I think. If you could go back and tell yourself something the day you got drafted, what would it be?

TROY

[blows out air, leaning back in his seat] God, probably a lot. I mean, the biggest is probably tell him not to be a fucking asshole for all those years. I’ve done…things I’m not proud of, said things I wish I hadn’t, for a long time. If I could go back, I’d tell myself not to waste all that time hiding behind shit, and to stand up for what I actually believe in earlier.

SHANE

[quietly] That’s a good one.

TROY

I’m not proud of any of it and that is what I’d tell my draft self, but also on the other hand, all of that led me here, y’know? [shrugs] And I’m so glad I’m here.

ILYA (O.C.)

We are glad you are here too, Troy Bolton.

HARRIS (O.C.)

[a surprised laugh leaves his throat] Ha! When did you watch High School Musical?

SHANE

With the Pike kids. [running his hands over his face] I’ve had to listen to Start of Something New every single fucking day since.

ILYA (O.C.)

Is us, Shane! I will show you lyrics when we are home tonight. Then you will understand.

TROY

[smirks] You guys did meet at an age where you’d technically be in high school.

SHANE

Fuck off, Troy Bolton.

ILYA (O.C.)

[voice completely serious] Shane Hollander, I love you. I—

[CUT]

TROY

Okay, Shane, same question for you. What would you tell your draft self if you could go back?

SHANE

[straightens in his seat a little, eyes cutting down to the table as he thinks for a few seconds] Maybe to not waste so much time, pretending. About everything. I feel like if I could go back, there’s probably a lot of things I’d do differently, especially when it comes to… [looks off-camera, to where Ilya is, and his face visibly relaxes] Maybe I’d tell draft me that I already met the love of my life, and that he’s going to be my favorite person one day. And to hold onto him, even when it gets hard. Or scary. [blinks a couple times, his eyes a little shiny]

TROY

Your favorite person, huh?

SHANE

[still looking off-camera at Ilya, a small smile on his lips] Always.

TROY

Even when he’s being an annoying shit? [his tone is teasing, but there’s a fond smile on his face]

SHANE

[laughs quietly]

ILYA (O.C.)

He loves it. [voice a little shaky, but it’s subtle]

SHANE

Yeah, yeah. I do.

TROY

I hope this video finally makes everyone understand that you two [points from Shane to Ilya and back] are just as bad as each other.

ILYA (O.C.)

Yes, we are married, Bolton. Is not breaking news.

TROY

Anymore!

HARRIS (O.C.)

Okay! I want to wrap this up, so Ilya, I’m gonna ask you to leave for the last part.

ILYA (O.C.)

No! I need to hear Shane say me.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Ilya, go.

SHANE

We’re almost done, anyway.

ILYA (O.C.)

Ugh. Boring. Fine. But I am watching you, Hollander. It better be me.

SHANE

[squints his eyes in confusion, eyes following something off-screen as Ilya leaves the room]

HARRIS (O.C.)

Okay, last thing, guys! I’m doing a little MVP thing after the series, so I need both of you to vote on who you think the MVP of the team is.

TROY

Ah. I understand now. [chuckles when Shane rolls his eyes]

SHANE

MVP based on what? [a contemplative expression on his face] 

HARRIS (O.C.)

Whatever you want to base it on, Shane.

TROY

[presses his lips together for a moment, before sighing] Ilya.

HARRIS (O.C.)

[waits for a few seconds, no one says anything] Do you want to maybe explain why?

TROY

No.

SHANE

[snorts]

TROY

He’s a good captain. He’s… [hesitates for a split-second, but then continues] a good friend.

SHANE

[an affectionate look crosses his face]

TROY

[grumbles] I’m never gonna hear the end of this from him.

HARRIS (O.C.)

[with humor in his tone] No, probably not! Okay, Shane, your turn.

SHANE

Well. [leans his head back slightly and tilts it to the side] It’s probably Ilya or Wyatt. Ilya’s leading in goals this season, and his total points aren’t bad either. Also, he’s a good captain for a lot of reasons. But on the other hand, Wyatt has been crazy good this season. His save percentage and shutouts are both the highest of the league right now. Our last two games have been shutouts because of him.

TROY

So…you’re going Wyatt?

SHANE

Hm. [lowers his head slightly, but the small smile on his lips is still visible] No, I’m going Ilya.

TROY

Let me pretend to be surprised.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Okay, guys, I think that’s it!

SHANE

[turns to camera] Bye!

TROY

[grins widely] Finally, I can go collect my winnings from the team.

[The video cuts to an animated endscreen similar to the intro: a dark red screen with two centaurs, except they are waving their hockey sticks in the air as a goodbye.]

COMMENTS

@closethebookbabe: SHANE GETTING 81 PERMANENTLY TATTOOED ON HIS BODY IM SOBBING

@atthebeachwoodcafe: @closethebookbabe i just know ilya lost his shit completely

@stillatheblackdog: both troy and shane’s advice to themselves being about not wasting time, obv for different reasons but 🥺 my babiesssss

@rozbyanyothername: ilya crashing this interview i fucking knew it, should’ve bet on it like troy did

@troy_barrett ☑️: @rozbyanyothername 💸💸💸

@babysaliar: the tattoo. “nothing means more to me than him”. the bicep kiss. “baby”. the look on his face when he was looking at ilya at the draft advice part. “always”. the pretty much fluent russian. “ilya’s still my only rival on the ice”. “ilya rozanov is the love of my life”. 

@babysaliar: @babysaliar shane is just as obsessed with his husband as ilya is y’all HOW ARE YOU NOT SEEING THIS IT’S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES

@leo.zicari ☑️: can’t wait to beat your career points one day @ilyarozanov81 😎

@lucahaas ☑️: @leo.zicari LEO.

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: @leo.zicari i will allow it this time because you are haasy’s best friend. next time, you will not be so lucky 🙃

@young_hockey ☑️: @ilyarozanov81 excuse you he is not luca’s best friend i am 😐

@leo.zicari ☑️: @young_hockey 🤭🤭

@hollanguard: troy continuously pretending that ilya’s not his best friend on the team is so fucking funny like sir do you think we don’t know

@boodnation: ILYA MAKING SHANE LISTEN TO START OF SOMETHING NEW DAILY AKSFSD i didn’t know how bad i needed to know that until today 😭

@connorbergy ☑️: @boodnation dw we did a team hsm binge watch to educate the uneducated

@oursecretmoments: shane “no thanks i have a husband” hollander i am so endeared to you and you deserve to be a menace like your husband amen

@rozanovian: i am PRAYING that troy bolton is troy’s new nickname please please please

@harrisd_92: @rozanovian well it’s not NOT troy’s new nickname

@troy_barrett ☑️: @harrisd_92 ☹️

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: yes my husband got sexy tattoo for me and is second most romantic person and second best hockey player and voted me for mvp i am luckiest man on earth 🥵💗

@shanehollanderofficial ☑️: @ilyarozanov81 ❤️

@shanehollanderofficial ☑️: @ilyarozanov81 *first best hockey player

@seasonofthestyx: troy saying that coming to the cens was the best thing that could’ve happened to him IM SCREAMING CRYING ON THE FLOOR ottawa really is where hockey players go to make their dreams come true 😚

@shanehollandersfreckles: ilya throwing troy’s bachelor party sdsjdfa i can’t WAIT to see both of their latent fuckboy club rat personalities come out of retirement for one night

@heartlikeahotel: i wanna know roz’s reaction to the tattoo SO FUCKING BAD

@wyatthayeshockey ☑️: @heartlikeahotel 💀💀💀

@cliffmarlow_7 ☑️: @heartlikeahotel wasn’t even there but 💀💀💀

@censforlife: shane listing stats in his answers for the rival and mvp questions i’ve actually never seen something more shane hollander

@young_hockey ☑️: we love being at your place too much @shanehollanderofficial 🫰

@jlapointe ☑️: @young_hockey retweet retweet

@lucahaas ☑️: @young_hockey yes!!!

@connorbergy ☑️: @young_hockey team dads coming through as always 🙂‍↕️

@brickwallhazy: shane saying “i love you too” in russian to ilya after he said it even when he was annoyed HEY UNIVERSE i want what they have pls

Chapter End Notes

THIS IS NOT THE END !!! there is more coming for this fic because i am not ready to let this one go. i am also not ready to let luca and leo go just yet, who i got a lot of comments about last chapter....do not fear luca and leo will most likely be back soon i am too invested in them, zicahaas shippers rise up 😌

to the person who guessed that ilya would crash this interview, congratulations LOL i've been so excited for this chapter because i knew ilya was gonna make it on for at least a bit 😭

anyway yell at me in the comments as always i LOVE hearing your favorite parts !!!

Chapter 5: bonus #1: the outtakes

Chapter Notes

surprise but not really because a looot of you asked for this one LOL i had fun putting together all the deleted scenes from all of the interviews, hope you enjoy !!

Episode 1: Ilya Rozanov & Zane Boodram
[UNRELEASED]

#1

ILYA

And also Hayden Pike. He is best player in Montreal now. But only because rest of team is all homophobic little boys. Their coach is biggest asshole, is probably why he made team of dickbags—

ZANE

[laughs in surprise] Dickbags?

ILYA

[nods] Yes, learned it from Twitter. Is good word for Montreal’s team. They all have stickhandling so bad Amber Pike is probably better. And she is not even five. [pauses, then frowns] Is been a while since me and Shane have babysat for Pike and Jackie. I guess I do like playing him, but only because I can see Jackie and kids. They are better Pikes, I think.

#2

ILYA

[contemplative expression on face] There is lot, probably, I would tell little Ilya. Do not waste time. The boy with freckles is love of your life, so don’t let him get away. Hockey is fun, yes, but Shane Hollander is your forever. You will find family, even if it is not by blood. You will find a better family than you were given. And a team that will also become family.

ZANE

[voice a little shaky] Fuck.

ILYA

[stares out at the wall, eyes a little unfocused] I’d tell him that he’ll—he’ll be loved. Like how— [cuts himself off, shakes his head]

ZANE

You need a minute? [voice low and soft]

ILYA

[clears his throat] No, no, I am good. [bites the inside of his cheek] Last thing I’d tell him is that it will take some time, but he will be happy. So happy he might not believe it.

ZANE

[eyes slightly shiny] Ilya—

ILYA

[swallows thickly once, before blinking and smiling again] Little Ilya would be very confused, probably.

#3

ILYA

[turns to camera, tone is serious] Okay, internet. We are first episode, but we must be video with most views and likes. Make sure that happens. If we are, then I will release the very hot sex tape. Promise. [smirks]

ZANE

[eyes widen]

HARRIS (O.C.)

Ilya Rozanov!

ILYA

[innocent expression on his face, ruined by the mischievous glint in his eyes] What?

Episode 2: Luca Haas, Cory Young, Connor Holmberg, Jacob LaPointe
[UNRELEASED]

#1

CORY

I feel like if we’re going to talk about Luca Haas and Ilya Rozanov, we can’t not bring up the fact that you had an entire Tumblr account dedicated to him and Hollanov. Where you’d post your art of him and also of him and Shane. Like a full RPF blog—

LUCA

[glaring at Cory, who has a large smirk on his face] Fuck you, Young. Also, I would not be talking. I know a certain someone had a huge poster of Shane—

#2

CONNOR

Me next! My question is for Jacob! [turns to Jacob with a somewhat impish grin] Can I have your sister’s number?

JACOB

You little shit! [leans out of his seat and wraps his arm around Connor’s neck, who’s giggling; his other hand ruffles Connor’s hair at the same time]

CORY & LUCA

[laughing, slumped back in their own chairs]

JACOB

Gonna tell Camille…[Connor starts wriggling around to escape, and Jacob tightens his hold] how messy you actually are, asshole. And that you enjoy eating ketchup straight from the bottle.

LUCA

[visibly aghast, horror in his voice] Straight from the bottle…

CONNOR

Okay, fuck, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Mercy!

#3

CORY

Hm, yeah, that makes sense honestly. I mean, think about it. Shane’s been with Ilya for years. The only person that can handle all of Ilya is someone just as bad, right?

JACOB

[smirks] You mean, someone just as horny.

LUCA

Oh my god. [buries his face in his hands]

CONNOR

Also fucking true. [shudders] I never want to be in the hotel room next to them ever again. Ever.

CORY

[voice low and somber] I’ve seen things. I’ve heard things. I know things I never wanted to know.

HARRIS (O.C.)

This really turned into the Shane and Ilya show. Ilya’s gonna be so insufferable, oh my god.

#4

LUCA

We’re literally friends.

JACOB

Friends who everyone pits against each other.

LUCA

That’s on them.

CORY

I was thinking about this the other day, and it’s kinda funny that he’s on Boston. You know, because of Roz starting off in Boston. [smirks, eyes glistening with amusement as he looks at Luca] Star rookie from Europe drafted to Boston, has a rival rookie on a Canadian team, kind of an asshole sometimes, hmm. [taps his chin, while both Jacob and Connor try to muffle their snickers] Sounds a little familiar, doesn’t it Haasy?

LUCA

[voice level, his jaw ticks slightly] I have no idea what you’re talking about.

CONNOR

Totally unrelated question, by the way. [with a toothy grin on his face] You haven’t responded in the group chat about going out after the game against the Bears this Saturday.

LUCA

[sighs]

CONNOR

Any particular reason for that, Luca? Perhaps a 6 foot, Italian, asshole-shaped reason?

JACOB

Man, Leo is gonna kill you guys. [looks over at Luca, whose ears are red as he narrows his eyes at Connor] Yeah, you guys are both dead.

CORY

It’s just a question! [raises his hands in mock surrender]

LUCA

[finally looks away from Connor, and leans back into his chair] Harris, all this is getting cut anyway, right?

HARRIS (O.C.)

I can cut whatever you don’t want, Luca.

CONNOR

Hey!

LUCA

[briefly smirks, before he sends a pointed look to the other three] I will tell you exactly one thing, and nobody is allowed to ask any follow-up questions. Got it? [raises a brow in question, until the other three nod slowly] Okay. Good. [exhales a sharp breath] Leo’s coming to Zane’s on Sunday.

[The other three explode in startled yells, their eyes widening in sync]

CORY

[loudly shouting] Holy shit! Luca, what!

CONNOR

Oh my god.

JACOB

You motherfuckers have been keeping secrets, what the fuck?

LUCA

We’re friends. But he’s obviously in town, so…

CORY

Nah, friends don’t come to Bood’s barbecues.

LUCA

Marlow is also coming. As far as I know, he’s not dating anyone on the team, is he? [lifts one brow with a tiny, smug smile on his lips]

CONNOR

Luca…

LUCA

No follow-up questions. Next question.

JACOB

Wait, wait—

LUCA

Nope. Moving on, what’s your craziest pre-game superstition?

#5

LUCA

 It’s still a dream.

CONNOR

Yeah, it really is. [his wistful expression fades into something more wicked as he looks at Luca] Probably more for you, since you’re basically living out your Y/N Wattpad fanfiction with a mini-Ilya Rozanov.

JACOB

Connor, bro, you really got a death wish. [laughing]

LUCA

[looks directly at Connor, in a quiet, flat voice] Two weeks ago, at Shane and Ilya’s, you and Camille snuck out into their office room while we were all watching the movie and somehow scratched off paint on their wall. [the room falls completely silent, Connor’s eyes widen comically large as his jaw drops] They both think it was Anya.

CORY

[quietly chuckles] Holy shit.

JACOB

[murmurs with a grimace on his face] I did not need to know that.

CONNOR

Luca, I’m begging you—

LUCA

I have more, if you want to hear them. I can keep going, Bergy. [finally lets a lazy smirk lift the corner of his lips]

CONNOR

Man, white flag raised. I surrender. [raises both of his hands] You have too much ammo, I’m never gonna win.

HARRIS (O.C.)

[with an impressed tone in his voice] Damn, Luca.

CONNOR

[turns to where Harris is off-camera] Isn’t he a little insane—

LUCA

[starts to reach for his phone on the table] Hm, I think Shane and Ilya are in their car—

CONNOR

[laughing] Okay, okay, I’m sorry! Please don’t tell them that, I might already get murdered for the lamp thing.

CORY

[talking to the camera] I feel like all of you think Haas is the baby of the team and is [drags out word satirically] so innocent, but. Out of all of us, he has the most blackmail on everyone. He has ears everywhere. He has eyes everywhere. He has a secret network of moms and sisters that all love him and tell him things. Honestly, he’s actually the devil. We’re all scared of him.

Episode 3: Wyatt Hayes & Evan Dykstra
[UNRELEASED]

#1

WYATT

[laughs quietly] Okay, I’m only asking this because I think it will boost our video’s viewers because I know the power of #Hollanov. Content creation and all that, you know? [salutes over to where Harris is, and there’s a faint oh no that’s barely audible] And also because I need something to taunt Ilya with cause on our last roadie, I was in the room next to them, and the things I heard… [shudders dramatically]

EVAN

C’mon man, this is what the noise-cancelling headphones are for.

WYATT

They died halfway through the night! They were still going! [pauses] Honestly, it’s a little impressive. How do they both have that much stamina after playing an entire game? And it’s not like they’re on the bench for most of it. They’re going, like, multiple rounds and they’re not exactly in their twenties anymore. How—

EVAN

Do we really want to know the answer to that question, Hazy?

WYATT

[snorts] I’m just saying.

EVAN

[deadpan] I think we all know a little too much about each other.

WYATT

Maybe, maybe not. [grins] Anyway, I heard Ilya asked Zane this in their video anyway, so…Shane or Ilya?

#2

EVAN

Shane doesn’t smack his husband’s ass on the ice during practice. Shane doesn’t purposefully make out with his husband right in front of us if any of us mention Shane being attractive. Shane doesn’t slip his hand into the back of his husband’s shirt at barbecues and blame it on being cold. Shane doesn’t randomly get hyper for no reason whatsoever and attack his husband’s face with kisses. Shane doesn’t tell us he’s gonna kiss his husband’s ass better in the locker room. [takes a small pause]

WYATT

Wow.

EVAN

[holds a finger up] I’m not done. Shane doesn’t pin his husband to a wall in a club two feet away from us. Shane doesn’t loudly whisper innuendos in his husband’s ear where we can all hear him. Shane doesn’t—

WYATT

You know, arguably—just to play devil’s advocate. Shane doesn’t put a stop to any of it. I honestly feel like he enjoys it more than he pretends he does. He’s an enabler.

EVAN

[sighs deeply, in a defeated tone] He is. But. He is still not the one doing them. So, yes. Shane.

#3

WYATT

Well, now that the league’s biggest rivalry is fucking married and on the same team, I guess they had to do something, even if it’s kinda bullshit. Boston vs Ottawa might be just as good as Boston vs Montreal was, back then. Now that Montreal is just a shitty fucking team who’s only good for being a breeding ground for homophobic shitheads. [tilts his head a little] Except Hayden and J.J. Otherwise, though, they’re close to the bottom of the league, now that they pushed out their best player and only shot at the cup. Fuck them. They only won two of their last five games, and both those wins were by a small margin. Drapeau in goal is basically an empty net, because their whole defense is a mess. [shakes his head with disbelief] I don’t know what magic Shane had as captain back then to pull them all together, cause they’re a shitshow now. Boston and Ottawa, on the other hand [lets a smile pull his lips up] is fun.

EVAN

[mid-laugh] That’s so getting cut.

WYATT

I said what I said. [shrugs]

#4

EVAN

Yeah, just tell us. Harris can take it all out.

WYATT

Well, I’ve only roomed with Luca a few times before all the babies started pairing off. But he’s kinda the perfect roommate, all things considered. Love him. [grins widely] Also, the last time we roomed together, he was Facetiming Zicari, and I got to rant with him about Morbius, which was fun.

EVAN

I see why this is gonna need to be cut.

WYATT

Oh, no, he’s not why.

EVAN

[lifts a brow, a little warily]

WYATT

Anyway, you next, cause you always wear headphones when you listen to music, and also after games, you’re kinda just chill. Which I feel like I need sometimes. [shrugs] Sometimes, I just need to, like, decompress, I guess. That’s easy with you.

EVAN

Thanks, man. [with a small smile on his face] That means a lot.

WYATT

Nick’s next, also kinda for the same reason. He’s lower than you cause, well—actually, I’ll save that for the end.

EVAN

What—

WYATT

Zane’s always a fun roommate. His energy is just so contagious and, well, he’s AC for a reason. He always knows what to say, especially after games that don’t go well. Also, he listens to all my rambling, so. [his lips tilt up at the corners] I know I get a little…crazy sometimes, with it. People don’t always l— [cuts himself off, then lifts one shoulder in a shrug] Never felt that way with him.

EVAN

[voice a little more serious] He’s good at that.

WYATT

He is. Anyway, then it’s Jacob. Also only roomed with him a couple times, but. We stayed up till, like, three talking about random conspiracy theories one time. [laughs a little] It was fun, getting him out of his shell a little, back when he was still kinda new to the team. I still remember his Area 51 theory to this day.

EVAN

Dude. All those reasons were all kinda sweet. Why would you not wanna say any of that on camera?

WYATT

[presses his lips together as he seems to think about something for a second, before letting a slow, small smirk spread on his face] Those are all some of my reasons for my ranking, that’s true. But, [covers his mouth for a moment, muffling a short laugh] I’ve never had any problems with Luca. Starting with you, though, I’ve caught you while you were Facetiming Cait twice. And not exactly with all your clothes on.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Oh my god—

EVAN

Wait—

WYATT

Nick, it was three times. Also once when it was just him. Zane was five total. Jacob was only once and he wasn’t calling anyone, but him trying to bullshit his way out of it was…wild. So. Yeah.

HARRIS (O.C.)

None of this footage is ever seeing the light of day, but oh my god. [giggling]

EVAN

Your ranking is based on how often [voice a little shrill, flabbergasted] we had phone sex?

WYATT

Not just phone sex, D, keep up. Also, not how often you guys did. More like how often I walked into it.

EVAN & HARRIS

[choking on laughter]

#5

EVAN

Holy fuck, I was not expecting that. We’re showing all of that to the rest of the team. I need them all to hear this.

WYATT

Sure, why not. Maybe then, [turns to look into the camera] you all will learn how to fucking deadbolt a hotel room door. Or maybe learn to not sext your partners when your teammate is five feet away from you. You know, just throwing it out there.

EVAN

I still [pauses to laugh again] can’t believe how many times you’re walking in on people. Think you’re just unlucky, man.

WYATT

I know we share a locker room, so it’s not like I haven’t exactly seen it all before, but. There are some things I’d like to not see.

EVAN

[giggling] Harris, please save this footage.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Oh, 100 percent.

#6

WYATT

I have a feeling their comic knowledge does not match.

EVAN

[snorts] Probably an understatement. But, you know whose would?

WYATT

[tilts his head in question]

EVAN

[with a devilish grin on his lips] Luca and Leo’s.

WYATT

[snickers] You know that’s not true.

EVAN

I don’t know…with how much they’ve been texting and calling, I feel like Luca’s probably gained some solid knowledge through, like, osmosis. Cause [with an overly innocent expression on his face] what else could they possibly be talking about for so long? Y’know, cause they’re just friends.

WYATT

[laughs, hiding his grin behind the back of his hand] Evan.

EVAN

[raises his hands in surrender with a wide smile] I’m not speculating. M’just saying.

WYATT

[schools his grin into something more subtle] That’s getting cut.

EVAN

Oh, definitely. I just wanted to say it. [smirks]

#7

EVAN

A damn good one too…which I’m now regretting saying because he’s gonna be so annoying about this. But, [lets out a deep sigh] him moving here did change things for the team. And if he never came here, Shane wouldn’t be here now.

WYATT

If you think about it, though, Ilya came here because of Shane? Plus it’s Shane’s hometown. So if you follow that logic, yeah, maybe Shane wouldn’t be here if Ilya never came here. But Ilya might never have come here if it wasn’t for Shane. Hm. I feel like it’s all kind of interconnected, honestly. Don’t think any of it would’ve happened the way it did if Ilya and Shane’s whole story didn’t play out exactly how it did.

EVAN

Huh. Didn’t think about it like that, but you’re kinda right. They’re both just…completely codependent, honestly. Which makes sense for everything they went through, I guess. [shrugs] Think I’m still going Ilya for MVP, though.

WYATT

[hums contemplatively for a second, tilting his head from side to side as he considers] Yeah, I’m going Shane!

Episode 4: Shane Hollander & Troy Barrett
[UNRELEASED]

#1

TROY

You would know more than anyone, I guess, huh?

SHANE

[mutters under his breath] That’s an understatement.

TROY

We can cut this out, and you can tell me to fuck off if you want, but… [voice lowers a little] Are you still in contact with any of them?

SHANE

[startles a little, eyes lowering to the table] Ha. Um, yeah no. Besides Hayd and J.J. They— [gaze flicker from side to side as he seems to be thinking] None of them reached out to apologize, really. [voice gets a little firmer] And I’m done catering to them and playing the version of me they thought I was.

TROY

Yeah. [nods] Fuck them.

SHANE

[exhales, a tiny smile on his lips that he tries to stop] Fuck them.

TROY

I don’t either. [gaze wanders to the wall behind Shane as he talks] With Toronto, I mean. But maybe that’s more cause I was the shitty person on that team.

SHANE

You’re not that person anymore. [doesn’t fully meet Troy’s eyes, but his tone is unwavering] You did the right thing when it mattered, and that means something.

TROY

Yeah, guess I did.

SHANE

You wouldn’t be here if you were still that guy, Troy.

TROY

I know, I know. [pauses for a moment, lips pressing together] Sorry.

SHANE

You have nothing to apologize for.

TROY

[gives Shane a small, grateful smile, then snickers quietly] Force of habit.

SHANE

[huffs out a laugh] Yeah. Ilya loves complaining about that with me too.

TROY

[in an absolutely terrible Russian accent] Boring Canadians, always saying sorry, sorry, sorry.

SHANE

[laughs] Word for word.

TROY

Okay, okay, anyway. Next. What’s your favorite thing about playing on the Cens, hockey-wise?

#2

SHANE

[presses his lips together] That every play isn’t about getting the puck to one person. It’s more…varied.

TROY

[eyes widen slightly, and then snorts] Oh. Oh. [laughs] Holzy, are you trying to say you like that the entire team isn’t dependent on just you getting goals?

SHANE

[ears turn a little red] Well—

TROY

No, no, I get it. That was Montreal’s whole strategy for most games. I saw it. I think everyone saw it.

SHANE

I like playing center, I like, y’know, all of it. I’m not complaining. Just that, I don’t know. It’s nice that it’s not just me. It’s also Ilya, and you, and Zane. The rookies. The whole team.

TROY

It’s about the team having your back. And you having theirs.

SHANE

Yeah. Yeah, that, I think.

TROY

I get it, man. The Cens are good at that, aren’t they?

SHANE

Yeah, [a small smile tilts up his lips] they are.

#3

TROY

Roz is gonna lose his fucking mind again. I’m almost scared for practice tomorrow.

SHANE

[furrows his brows] Why?

TROY

[bites his lip to hide his smirk] Between your new tattoo and you being romantic as fuck in this video, I have a strong feeling the locker room is gonna be an interesting place to be tomorrow.

SHANE

[the insinuation finally seems to hit him after a second, and he scowls at Troy] Fuck off.

TROY

No, no, I mean. [snickers] I should make a bet with the guys on what’s gonna be worse: Ilya’s back or your neck.

SHANE

It’s gonna be your neck when I strangle you.

TROY

[one of his brows lifts] Kinky.

SHANE

[sighs] I hate you.

TROY

No you don’t, Holzy.

SHANE

[flips Troy off]

#4

SHANE

Fuck off, Troy Bolton.

ILYA (O.C.)

[voice completely serious] Shane Hollander, I love you. I want to have kids with you. I want to get you preg—

SHANE

Ilya, I swear to god. [face red]

TROY

You do know that’s not biologically possible, right? [squints over to where Ilya is off-screen]

ILYA (O.C.)

Yes, yes. But I have learned something from AO3 yesterday. [can hear the smile in his voice] Do you know what mpreg is? Is popular on there, apparently. Shane, I have very interesting story to show you later.

HARRIS (O.C.)

[with horror in his voice] Oh my god.

TROY

What the fuck?

SHANE

[eyes squeezed shut, a resigned expression on his face] I am going to actually kill Wyatt for ever showing you that website.

TROY

To be fair, I don’t think Hazy expected this.

SHANE

To be fair, Hazy should’ve expected this.

TROY

[nods once] Yeah, okay, fair point.

ILYA (O.C.)

Hello? What are you doing, not interviewing each other? [claps hands twice] Stop being distracted. I was not this distracted in my interview.

HARRIS (O.C.)

[snorts]

TROY

I hate everything. [sighs] Okay, Shane, same question for you. What would you tell your draft self if you could go back?

Chapter End Notes

the bechdel test except instead of a man it's hollanov and every single centaur would absolutely fail it !!! whether it's to complain about their pda and (insanely loud and frequent) sex life or bringing them up inadvertently as their childhood crush/idol or just talking about their story in general, i truly believe the cens can't keep hollanov's names out their mouths honestly (as they should !!!)

as always yell at me about your favorite parts i love hearing it !!!

Chapter 6: bonus #2: shane hollander &amp; ilya rozanov

Chapter Notes

you didn't think i would do this whole thing WITHOUT a shane and ilya chapter did you 😌 had a lot of fun with this one, hope you enjoy <3

and for any of the russian text in here, you can tap/hover for the translation !

Tweet by @OttawaCentaursOfficial
April 4, 2022

You didn’t think we’d leave you hanging, did you? The final episode of Centaurs on Centaurs is out now! Head to our Instagram to see who got voted the team’s MVP: Ilya Rozanov or Shane Hollander!!

Centaurs on Centaurs
Episode 5: Ilya Rozanov & Shane Hollander
Posted: April 4, 2022

[INTRO MUSIC PLAYING]

[A cute animation opens the video: on a dark red background, two cartoon centaurs holding hockey sticks come galloping in from opposite sides of the screen and meet in the middle. They hold their hockey sticks up, forming an X in the middle of the screen where the sticks cross. Large text appears on the screen above them: Centaurs on Centaurs, followed by smaller text underneath them: Ilya Rozanov & Shane Hollander.]

[The video cuts to a series of clips, this time of Shane and Ilya, but only from their time on the Centaurs. There’s shots of them individually, on the ice and off of it, and some from during practices as well. It then shifts to videos of the two of them together: Ilya kissing Shane’s helmet after a goal, Shane flipping Ilya off at practice, both of them racing on the ice as the other Cens watch.]

[There’s another cut to the same room again, with Shane and Ilya in chairs across from each other. The table between the chairs that’s been in the other videos is gone, instead replaced by a slightly higher barstool, placed further back so it doesn’t block their views of each other. On top of it there is a gold plastic crown, with fake colorful gems. Both Ilya and Shane are looking at it.]

ILYA

We get to keep it, yes?

HARRIS (OFF-CAMERA)

[slightly exasperated, though he sounds amused] Yes, Ilya, for the last time. Not that it matters, since you live together, but whoever wins gets to keep it.

ILYA

Good. [nods once] It needs to go in our trophy room. Best award I will ever win.

SHANE

[rolls eyes] Sure.

ILYA

Harris, we need to start. I need to beat Shane and tell Yuna and David about it.

SHANE

Fuck off, Rozanov.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Okay, guys, if you could limit the amount of stuff I’ll need to cut out, that would be great. [sighs] The last two days have been miserable.

SHANE

Maybe we shouldn’t have filmed them all in one day.

ILYA

Yes, Harris, that is on you. [shrugs]

HARRIS (O.C.)

[mutters] You both will be the end of me. [voice louder] Okay, go ahead and start!

SHANE

Wait, you’re not announcing MVP first?

HARRIS (O.C.)

No, that’s at the end.

ILYA

Yes, Harris knows if it was at beginning, [smirks at Shane] you would be sore loser for rest of video.

SHANE

[snorts] After yesterday, you still think more of the team voted for you?

ILYA

[grins] Yes.

SHANE

Yeah, okay, I’m going to go ahead and start. [a small smirk tugs up on his lips] Who is the fastest Centaur?

ILYA

Me.

SHANE

[raises a brow, but doesn't say anything]

ILYA

[stares back at Shane, but is the one to break first] Okay, fine, fine! Is you, Hollander, fuck.

SHANE

Thank you. [the smug smile on his face fades into a contemplative expression] Although, I think Luca’s going to beat me soon.

ILYA

[nodding] Yes, our son is very fast like us. Good genetics.

SHANE

[sighs]

ILYA

Okay, my turn! [turns to look directly at Shane] Who is your favorite Centaur?

SHANE

[schools his expression into a blank one, though his eyes hold a glimmer of amusement] Well, maybe Bood, he was so welcoming when I first got here, and he’s an amazing AC, y’know. But, hm, Wyatt is a lot of fun, too. Also the best fucking goalie. And—

ILYA

Hollander. [grits his teeth slightly]

SHANE

[with an innocent expression] What?

ILYA

You are a [mumbles something after, but it is unclear].

SHANE

[apparently hears what Ilya says, based on his small smile, but doesn’t acknowledge it, though the tips of his ears turn pink] Well, Rozanov, [voice is light, but slightly deadpan] I’d say that maybe my favorite Centaur is probably the one whose jersey number is permanently inked on my skin.

ILYA

[immediately straightens up in his seat, and a wide smirk spreads on his face] Mm, yes agreed, Hollander. What number is that again?

SHANE

[flips Ilya off]

ILYA

Come on, the world needs to know, yes?

SHANE

[mutters] The world already knows, asshole.

ILYA

Shaaane.

SHANE

Oh my god, my favorite Centaur is you.

ILYA

[nods once] Yes. Good. My favorite Centaur is Luca Ha—

SHANE

Oh, fuck off!

HARRIS (O.C.)

You know, your guys’ dynamic is so confusing even after all this time.

ILYA

Is part of our charm.

SHANE

Next question. [clears throat quietly] What’s your favorite team to play against?

ILYA

Oh. [thinks for a second, before his eyes light up] Boston. Is fun when we’re away, I get to hear all the fans scream, obviously because they miss me very much. [lips twitch at Shane’s loud snort] But also, is fun playing against my friends and seeing them again.

SHANE

Yeah, I always loved playing Boston, back when…y’know, but it’s pretty fun now, too. [opens his mouth slightly like he’s about to say something else, but decides against it]

ILYA

[catches Shane’s hesitation, and smirks] Yes, is true. Especially now that there is new rivalry everyone is talking about.

SHANE

Ilya.

ILYA

Not as good as ours, obviously. [waves hand haphazardly] But still fun, no?

SHANE

[in a flat voice] Yeah, fun. [tone shifts, more musing] It’s pretty interesting though, their stats this season are like, scarily close to each other. I think Zicari is up by one point, but Haas has two more goals. Pretty close in ice time, too.

ILYA

[trying to hide a smile, but the look in his eyes as he gazes at Shane defeats the purpose] Mr. Hockey Nerd is back.

SHANE

Fuck you. You won two hundred dollars from Troy cause of me.

ILYA

Yes, was stupid of him to bet against you and your hockey brain. [fond smile on his face] My win.

SHANE

[grumbles] My win.

ILYA

[in a level tone] No, my win, because I get to have you as my husband. For rest of our lives.

SHANE

[pauses, eyes flitting up to meet Ilya’s for a split-second, as his face softens slightly] For the rest of our lives. [the room is quiet for a second as they smile at each other]

ILYA

Okay, next. What do you like most about being a Centaur?

SHANE

A lot, honestly. I know my mom already shared the pictures when the news of my trade came out, so I’m sure everyone knows I was a pretty big Cens fan growing up, even though they weren’t the best team in the league or anything. [with a small, reminiscent smile on his face] I went to as many games as I could with my parents, loved cheering them on so much. Obviously, then I was drafted somewhere else, and couldn’t really be a fan of the Cens anymore, but now, I mean. [shrugs casually] It was always going to mean a lot to me, to play for my hometown team that I grew up cheering for. The fact that I get to do it alongside my husband just makes it all that much better, y’know?

ILYA

Little Shane in Cens jersey was very cute.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Oh, agreed!

ILYA

You know what I think, Hollander?

SHANE

What do you think, Rozanov? [eyes narrowed]

ILYA

This is plan you made as teenager. You saw me and my hockey, knew I would be number one draft pick, and then made long plan to make sure your hometown team will finally get cup one day.

SHANE

[jaw slightly dropped, visibly aghast] You think our entire relationship was a long con to eventually get both of us on the Cens roster.

ILYA

[nods, though his lips tremble slightly with amusement] Yes.

SHANE

Wow. [is quiet for a second, before a smirk tilts his lips up] Does this mean you’ll finally admit I made the first move?

ILYA

[head reels back a little bit, before he crosses his arms, stubborn expression on his face] Nevermind, I take it back. I made first move, and you know that is truth.

SHANE

Ehh, I was the one who walked up to you and introduced mys—

ILYA

And I was one who got us ad together before rookie season and in sh—

SHANE

[cuts Ilya off a little hastily] That was still after, so I made the first move.

ILYA

Hm. [smirks at being cut off] We will do vote with team after this. Then we will see.

SHANE

[rolls his eyes] We’re not doing that.

ILYA

Harris, remind me to do that.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Yeah, sure, why not.

SHANE

 [turns to Harris’ direction, in a betrayed tone] Harris!

HARRIS (O.C.)

Sorry, Shane. [giggles a little] That sounds like it’ll be fun, if nothing else.

ILYA

Yes, and team will prove I am right.

SHANE

[seems to stop himself from rolling his eyes again] Next question. [smirks briefly] Who’s your favorite rookie, Rozanov?

ILYA

[mock offended look on his face as he looks at Shane] My own husband, betraying me! [shakes his head once] I will not answer.

SHANE

We all know the answer.

ILYA

No.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Yeah, we do.

ILYA

[looks over in Harris’ direction with betrayed expression] Harris, you are supposed to be on my side!

HARRIS (O.C.)

I am on neither of your sides. I am on the side that gets this video wrapped up the fastest.

SHANE

[laughs]

ILYA

Boo, boo, tomato, tomato.

HARRIS (O.C.)

[sighs] I need to take away your access to the internet.

SHANE

Agreed.

ILYA

[looks at camera] See? I am always silenced. My own husband is against me. [fake pouts]

SHANE

[snorts] I don’t think the person who talks the most out of everyone on the team can say they’re always silenced.

ILYA

Yes, is true. I talk during press, Harris threatens me. I post beautiful post on Instagram of us, Harris threatens me. I reply to Pike’s Tweet, you threaten me.

HARRIS (O.C.)

I want it on record that I have attempted to media-train Ilya for years, and it hasn’t worked. It’s a losing battle.

SHANE

[lips tug up slightly]

ILYA

You love me, Harris. [grins widely]

HARRIS (O.C.)

[flatly] Mhm.

SHANE

Ilya, c’mon, ask your next question.

ILYA

Yes, yes, okay. [clears his throat dramatically, then smirks] Everyone knows you have amazing brand new tattoo. Where is it?

SHANE

[rolls his lips together, dropping his head down for a second before lifting it again] Ilya.

ILYA

What? Is real question! [the smirk on his lips grows a little]

SHANE

I’m not answering that.

ILYA

No? [raises his brows, voice slightly whiny] But everyone wants to know where your wonderful husband’s jersey number is.

SHANE

[glaring at Ilya, a flush on his cheeks] I hate you.

ILYA

No, I do not think you do, мой помидор.my tomato. [pitches his voice lower, dragging out the words a little] You love me. You got tattoo for me.

SHANE

[flips Ilya off] Fuck you.

ILYA

Yes, is what I did when you showed me tattoo for first time. [nods, completely unabashed]

SHANE

Ilya!

HARRIS (O.C.)

[sighs] Let’s move on, guys. [mutters under his breath, barely audible] I don’t get paid enough for this.

SHANE

Yes. Next. What’s your favorite thing about being captain for the Cens?

ILYA

[humor from before slightly fades, voice more pensive] Hm. I always loved it, even in Boston, obviously. Is fun in general. With Cens, I like… [shrugs] I do not know, everything? Taking rookies under wing, helping put plays together, speeches before games. All of it, I enjoy. Is nice feeling, [voice slightly quieter] knowing people on team look up to me as captain.

SHANE

[small, fond smile on his lips, voice low] We all do, you know. [waits for Ilya to glance at him] You’re a good captain, Ilya.

ILYA

[face twitches slightly, an emotion crossing his eyes as his eyes flicker between Shane’s eyes for a few moments before he pulls his expression together, his lips tilting up] Yes, you should look up to me. I am best player in league and best captain, obviously.

SHANE

Second best player.

ILYA

Who has more goals, Hollander? You are hockey nerd, you know stats.

SHANE

And who has more points, asshole?

ILYA

And who has higher faceoff percentage?

SHANE

[smirks, leaning back in his seat] Me.

ILYA

[gasps] No, is lie. You are liar.

SHANE

[shrugs with one shoulder, slightly cocky expression on his face]

ILYA

I am still number one son. [nods, and smirks as he straightens up] And number one team dad.

SHANE

[straightens in his seat too] No, you’re not.

ILYA

Yes, I can text Yuna right now. And the babies. They will agree.

SHANE

[snorts] Okay, text the rooks right now. Go ahead.

ILYA

[with a smug look] Not Yuna?

SHANE

[a little exasperated] Shut up. Just text the rooks, Rozanov.

ILYA

Ok—

HARRIS (O.C.)

Is this relevant to the video in any way?

ILYA

[looks over at Harris, serious expression on his face] Yes, is very important for people to know that I am number one dad. Not Shane.

HARRIS (O.C.)

[snorts a small laugh] Okay.

ILYA

[looks up at Harris from his phone, eyes narrowed] What?

SHANE

[presses his lips together, suppressing a smile]

HARRIS (O.C.)

Nothing!

ILYA

You are lying, Harris. [eyes narrow even further] Tell me now.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Why don’t we skip the texting and move on to the rest of the video? We still have the MVP to announce at the end!

ILYA

[slowly puts his phone down, but his gaze is still suspicious] You are hiding something. I will find out. [does the ‘I’m watching you’ gesture, and there is a small laugh from off-screen]

SHANE

Ilya, stop threatening Harris.

ILYA

Okay, okay. Fine. [tone becomes a little more somber and serious] We did this for our little draft self, but is little different, maybe. If you could go back to first time we met and tell yourself only one thing [pauses, looks directly at Shane, voice slightly softer] what would you tell?

SHANE

[startled look crosses his face, before his brows furrow, eyes darting up to meet Ilya’s before they move away to the stool to the side] Oh. Um. [eyes move back and forth as he thinks, head tilting to the side] I think my answer’s probably kinda similar to the draft one. [looks at Ilya] That…that I just met the love of my life, and that no matter what happens, in spite of everything—everything that makes it feel impossible, that he’ll always be the most important part of my life. And to remember that, when things get hard.

ILYA

[eyes a little shiny, turns head away from camera slightly before clearing throat] Is good advice.

SHANE

I might also tell him that the double handshake thing was a little weird.

ILYA

[blinks twice, before a smile breaks out on his lips] No, no, is what made me realize you had crush on me. I liked double handshake.

SHANE

I did not have a crush on you. [crosses his arms]

ILYA

We are married. Is okay to admit little baby Shane had crush.

SHANE

Fuck you. [exhales and softens his voice] Okay, same question for you.

ILYA

[inhales, gaze moving to somewhere behind Shane] I saw you and your freckles and knew, I think, maybe. Probably little part of me knew you would be important to me, even if I did not let myself think it. I would go back and tell myself that everything he has ever wanted, he could have. But only if he… [moves his eyes back to Shane, his lips twist a little] Only if he holds onto that boy with freckles. Tightly. Don't let him go. For the rest of his life.

SHANE

[nods, eyes glossy] That’s—that’s good advice, too.

ILYA

Yes. [turns head away from camera again]

[CUT]

HARRIS (O.C.)

Well, guys. [lowers voice to dramatic tone] I think it’s time.

ILYA

[beams, sitting up in his chair] MVP time?

HARRIS (O.C.)

MVP time!

ILYA

Yay! [turns to Shane] Shane, cheer!

SHANE

[in a flat voice] Yay.

HARRIS (O.C.)

Okay, I just wanna say before I announce the winner: it was very close. Like win by one vote, close.

SHANE

[raises a brow] Oh?

ILYA

Hm. I will need to have chat with team about this.

HARRIS (O.C.)

[giggles softly] Okay, anyway. [in a louder, announcer-like voice] Without further ado, the team’s MVP is…Shane Hollander!

[The door to the room opens loudly, and all of a sudden, the rest of the team filters in, making their way on-camera. Wyatt, Zane, Cory, and Evan are all holding confetti poppers, and release them as everyone else in the room cheers. Confetti fills the screen, falling over Shane and Ilya in their chairs.

SHANE

Oh. [astonished look on his face, gaze darting from person to person as he brushes away a piece of confetti on his head] Wow, guys. This is…

ILYA

[in mock angry tone, although his eyes betray his amusement] This is disgrace! This is outrage! I am captain, not Shane! I am betrayed!

ZANE

Well… [shrugs with a smile]

HARRIS (O.C.)

Do you guys want to know who voted for who?

ILYA

[face brightens, a slightly evil smirk on his face] Yes! Thank you, Harris. Tell me who has betrayed their captain.

SHANE

Okay, let’s maybe not do that.

ILYA

[narrows his eyes at Shane] Is because you did not vote for me? You did not pick your husband?

TROY

Man, he got a tattoo for you.

EVAN

[grimaces] Let’s not bring that up, maybe.

ILYA

[lips pull into wide smirk] Yes, Barrett. Let’s talk about Shane’s tat—

SHANE

Harris, can I leave now?

HARRIS (O.C.)

No! You didn’t get your crown yet!

SHANE

[sighs, looking over at the plastic crown]

CORY

So. Who gets to coronate Shane?

WYATT

[snorts] Are you asking because you want it to be you, Young?

CORY

Fuck off, Hazy. [flips him off]

CONNOR

[singsongy] That’s not a no.

ILYA

[stands up and walks over to the stool with the crown] No, I get to give Shane crown. Is my right as his husband, obviously.

SHANE

[rolls his eyes, but a small smirk appears on his lips as he looks at Ilya] “Best award I will ever win,” huh? Crown’s gonna look real nice in the trophy room, won’t it, Rozanov?

[Snickers and snorts echo through the room from the team.]

ILYA

Your wins are my wins, Hollander. Is how it works when you get married, no?

SHANE

[with delight in his eyes as he watches Ilya walk over to him with the crown in his hands] No, that’s not how it works. This is my win.

JACOB

Are you guys fighting or flirting right now?

LUCA & ZANE & WYATT

Both.

TROY

It’s always both, rook. [murmurs] Unfortunately.

ILYA

Hm. [stops behind Shane, holding the crown above his head] Ready for your crown?

SHANE

[tilts his head back a little so he can see Ilya behind him, a small, affectionate smile on his face] Ready.

ILYA

[dramatically, in a loud voice] Congratulations, Shane Holllander. You are now team MVP! [lowers the crown onto Shane’s head as the team cheers, adjusting it into place before moving a strand of hair out of Shane’s face]

[Ilya’s hands drop to rest on Shane’s shoulders for a second, before he starts dragging them up and off. Shane reaches up and across his body with one hand and interlaces his fingers with one of Ilya’s hands, keeping them on Shane’s collarbone. There are small smiles on both of their faces, even as they interact with the team around them. Ilya moves closer to the back of Shane’s chair, and Shane eventually lets his head rest back, on Ilya’s stomach.]

ZANE

[in a teasing voice] How are you two this disgustingly sweet right now?

ILYA

Because I love my husband, Bood. [leans down and kisses the top of Shane’s head, ignoring the groans from around the room]

SHANE

[quietly, barely above a murmur, as he presses his head back against Ilya once] Love you, baby. [voice rises in volume as he looks at his teammates] Thanks for voting me MVP though, that means a lot to me, guys. Seriously.

LUCA

Of cou—

HARRIS (O.C.)

[with a laugh] Luca, you didn’t even vote for him!

ILYA

[barks out a laugh] Aww, Haasy, did you vote me?

LUCA

[crosses his arms, tips of his ears are pink] No.

CONNOR & JACOB & CORY

Yes.

LUCA

[whips his head around to face the other three rookies, eyes narrowed] Remember what I sa—

CONNOR

Oh, please. We got something on you too, now, remember? [smirks at Luca, eyes flicking over to the team] Remind me again, Luca, was there maybe someone you said was coming to Bood’s barbec—

LUCA

[elbows Connor in the ribs roughly, who folds over in pain]

ILYA

[eyes slightly wide as he looks at Luca] Haas—

SHANE

[seems to be hiding a small smile] Ilya, leave him alone.

ZANE

[eyes flicker between Luca, Connor, and Harris off-screen, before he speaks in his no-nonsense, assistant-captain voice] Holzy’s MVP and wearing a crown, so think that means we gotta listen to him, guys.

ILYA

Crown does not make him boss of me, Bood.

SHANE

[bends his neck back to look at Ilya, who automatically places a hand on the crown to keep it from falling off Shane's head] No?

ILYA

No.

EVAN

[in a whisper to the rest of the team] What a lie.

ILYA

[flips Evan off without looking, his eyes still on Shane, before bending down and kissing him upside-down; Shane kisses back immediately]

WYATT

[in a low voice] That’s almost the Spider-Man kiss, what the fuck? I hate them. Why are they so cute? Fuck you guys.

[The video cuts to an animated endscreen similar to the intro: a dark red screen with two centaurs, except they are waving their hockey sticks in the air as a goodbye.]

COMMENTS

@babysaliar: shane quoting ilya about winning the crown from the beginning with a cocky smirk PLS shane hollander i was not familiar with your game sir i love you

@rozbyanyothername: ykw @ilyarozanov81 i believe you i think shane DID play the long game to eventually get both of you on the cens so his hometown team can win a cup that sounds like something shane hollander would do

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: @rozbyanyothername yes thank you you are best 😎

@stillatheblackdog: both of their advice to themselves on the day they met FUCKK im out here sobbing my eyes out over two men i’ve never met and the love they have for each other 😭

@hollanguard: THE TEAM COMING IN WITH CONFETTI WHEN SHANE GOT MVP ADFSDF I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM ALL

@boodnation: ilya being so certain the rooks would pick him as number one dad when only one of them actually voted him for mvp is the funniest shit, harris you should’ve let him text them so he could be humbled 💀💀

@zanebood ☑️: @boodnation he really should’ve 🤣

@young_hockey ☑️: glad i got to be a part of this once in a lifetime coronation 😙🙌

@connorbergy ☑️: @young_hockey bet you’re still sad you didn’t get to do it huh

@young_hockey ☑️: @connorbergy fuck you

@shanehollandersfreckles: the way shane and ilya switch back and forth from tender moments to being competitive little shits with each other in like half a second needs to be studied in a lab like genuinely

@atthebeachwoodcafe: @shanehollandersfreckles hey that’s their foreplay we don’t kinkshame in this household!!!!!!!

@shanehollandersfreckles: @atthebeachwoodcafe oh im not judging i want what they have so bad 😭

@oursecretmoments: shane’s quiet little “love you baby” IM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND

@seasonofthestyx: shane cutting ilya off abruptly during their argument about who made the first move…. #noticing

@leo.zicari ☑️: 🍗🥩😏

@lucahaas ☑️: @leo.zicari god i hate you

@leo.zicari ☑️: @lucahaas mhm im sure you do amo

@lucahaas ☑️: @leo.zicari 😐

@leo.zicari ☑️: @lucahaas 😚

@closethebookbabe: shane STILL not saying where the 81 tattoo is @ilyarozanov81 counting on your un-media trained self to leak this at some point 👀

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: @closethebookbabe 🤷‍♂️😉

@rozanovian: THE SPIDERMAN KISS THE SPIDERMAN KISS THE SPIDERMAN KISS

@wyatthayeshockey ☑️: @rozanovian me and @lisa.hayes did it better 🤷‍♂️

@lisa.hayes: @wyatthayeshockey we sure did babe 🙂‍↕️

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: is still a betrayal but if mvp was not me i am glad it is shane i guess 🙃

@shanehollanderofficial ☑️: @ilyarozanov81 it’s okay i’m still admiring my new crown in the trophy room 🙂

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: @shanehollanderofficial my own husband 😟

@brickwallhazy: the whole fastest centaur bit had me DYING shane just staring until ilya cracked 😭😭😭

@cliffmarlow_7 ☑️: can’t wait for the next time yall are in boston shit’s bout to be wild afff 😎

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: @cliffmarlow_7 yes will be very fun to go celebrate after we beat you

@leo.zicari ☑️: @ilyarozanov81 💀💀 sure old man

@lucahaas ☑️: @leo.zicari leo. zicari.

@ilyarozanov81 ☑️: @cliffmarlow_7 teach your rook some respect

@cliffmarlow_7 ☑️: @ilyarozanov81 reminds you of someone doesn’t he 🤔

@censforlife: okay but what was the team’s consensus on who made the first move????

@troy_barrett ☑️: unfortunately it was probably roz

@censforlife: @troy_barrett sir you know that we know that he’s your best friend right 💀

@heartlikeahotel: leo and luca out here flirting it up in the comments @leo.zicari @lucahaas we caught you in 4k 📸 you can give it up now

Chapter End Notes

tentatively marking this as complete for now, but there is always the potential for more if i get struck with inspo !! and i won't say much but i can say that this won't be the last you'll see of leo zicari....😌

you'll probably notice that there aren't as many cuts in this one as compared to the others (literally only one LOL) and that's because shane and ilya really did try after harris asked them to 😭 harris was going through it editing the rest of the videos LOL

also i think the concept of shane running a long con to eventually get ilya rozanov on the centaurs so that his hometown team can get a cup is the funniest thing ever. i don't remember the exact fic that i read that in but it's been stuck in my head ever since

that's all for now, please yell at me in the comments about your favorite parts !!!

EDIT: if you're interested in the zicahaas story and the location of shane's tattoo, there is now a second part to this series 😌