Rating:

General Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid

Relationships:

Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, Jean-Jacques Boiziau | J. J. Dagenais & Shane Hollander & Hayden Pike, Shane Hollander & Scott Hunter

Characters:

Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Scott Hunter (Game Changers), Jean-Jacques Boiziau | J. J. Dagenais, Hayden Pike, Farah Jalali, Theriault (Game Changers), Brandon Wiebe

Additional Tags:

Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, POV Shane Hollander, Sick Ilya Rozanov, this was supposed to be a sick fic and then escalated into a coming out fic instead whoops, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Crack, Coming Out, Coming out on their own terms

Language:

English

Stats:

Published: 2026-08-17 Words: 10,654 Chapters: 8/8

You Are The Best Thing That's Ever Been Mine

Summary

Ilya being sick accidentally leads to a domino effect which causes Shane, and Hollanov, to come out a year earlier than canon, but on their own terms this time.

Notes

Happy Birthday Cera!!! I wanted to write a little something to celebrate but I could not top last year's so I decided to put lots of you in the fic instead :)

The timeline is a bit wobbly, just pretend Coach Wiebe started with the Centaurs a year earlier than in canon and I think it should work out. We're supposed to be in the early spring/summer of 2020 or at least that's the idea.

Chapter 1

Shane honestly hadn't meant to cause a media scandal. He had awoken in the middle of the night to find the bed empty next to him. He and Ilya had been able to steal an unexpected night together between Shane's last road trip and Ilya's upcoming one and neither of them liked to waste a moment of rare nights like these when they could luxuriate even in just sleeping side by side.

Shane blinked and allowed his eyes to adjust to the dim light around him and spotted a warm glow spilling out of the bathroom door that had been left slightly ajar. Satisfied he repositioned himself in bed, taking the opportunity to reclaim his half of the sheet which had been pulled closer to Ilya in the night, and waited for Ilya to come back to bed.

When the other man didn't return after a few minutes of waiting Shane got up to investigate. He found Ilya curled up on the bathroom floor hunched over the toilet.

"Hey." He said gently, coming up behind Ilya slowly so as not to startle him.

Ilya looked up at him and Shane could see that his face was ashen. "Did I wake you?" He rasped.

"No! No, I woke up and you weren't there, I got worried." Shane sat down beside Ilya and pushed back the hair that was plastered to his forehead with sweat.

"I'll get you sick." Ilya grumbled even as he curled into Shane's open arms.

"Do you want to go back to bed?" Shane asked as he pressed a kiss to the top of Ilya's head.

Ilya opened his mouth to answer but abruptly leaned forward to throw up into the toilet. He shook his head as his whole body shivered.

"I'm going to get you a glass of water and a blanket okay?" He squeezed Ilya's hand. "I'll be back in a minute."

Ilya nodded miserably.

 They spent the rest of the night half dozing on the bathroom floor, Shane leaned against the tub, and Ilya in his lap where he was in easy reach of the toilet bowl. At some point Shane must have fallen asleep enough to be aware of waking up when he heard the alarm blaring in the other room.

It was a game day for both of them so there was no practice, but Shane liked to set himself plenty of time to get home and get into the right mindset for hockey after spending the night in Ottawa.

 He disentangled himself from Ilya, who was still dead to the world and looking no better than he had last night, and went to turn off his alarm. A quick glance at his phone told him that it was almost 8:15am and his alarm must have been going off for about ten minutes before he'd heard it.

Shane took one look back into the bathroom to check on Ilya and then went downstairs to make himself some breakfast. He rescued Ilya's phone from where it had been abandoned on the couch, half falling into the cushions, and thumbed through the contacts until he found the one he wanted.

Shane rifled through Ilya's freezer, pleased to see he wasn't out of the frozen fruit mix Shane liked for his smoothies, while the phone rang.

"Hello?" A man's voice asked after the third or fourth ring.

"Coach Wiebe?" Shane asked him, confirming he had got the right person.

"You're not Rozanov. Who is this?" The coach demanded.

Shane took a breath and mentally psyched himself up. "Not important. Listen I'm with Ilya right now and he's really sick."

"Okay. Tell him to take it easy and call me when he's feeling better."

"He was throwing up most of the night and he has a fever and he really shouldn't be playing." Shane continued before he'd even really processed what the coach had said.

"Hey, hey I said okay. He's sick. He doesn't have to come in. It's simple as that." Coach Wiebe repeated.

"Really?" Shane was shocked. There was no way his own Coach would be so relaxed about Shane skipping a game, which was a conversation Shane was not looking forward to having.

"Of course. I don't want my entire team coming down with something because I forced Rozanov to power through a stomach bug."

"Oh. Okay well good. That's good."

"Thanks for calling…" he paused as if waiting for Shane to offer his name. When Shane didn't he continued. "Tell Ilya get well soon from me alright. Thanks again, goodbye."

Shane took several breaths to slow down his racing heart. He hated talking on the phone and although that conversation had gone better than expected, the next one he needed to have would not. He made himself his breakfast smoothie and opened his own phone to call Coach Theriault.

"Hollander is something wrong?" Was the greeting Shane got. Fair enough he supposed, Shane never called, let alone before 9am on a game day.

"I don't know if I'll be able to make it to the game tonight." Shane winced hoping if he ripped the bandaid off and didn't sugarcoat it Theriault might be more likely to listen, he was a no-nonsense kind of man.

"Of course you will." The Coach scoffed.

"Coach I-" Shane tried to explain, but Theriault cut him off.

"Are you dead?"

"No."

"In hospital?"

"No I-"

"Stranded across the border without your passport?"

"No… I- has that happened?" Knowing some of his teammates Shane could imagine that it probably had, but it was still an odd thing to ask.

"More often than you'd think. But anyway sounds to me like you're able to make it to the game."

"Coach my partner is really sick. I spent most of the night on the bathroom floor with him while he threw up." Shane explained, debating the use of pronouns even as he spoke them. The team and the Metros' management knew he was gay but it wasn't something any of them ever talked about.

"Are you sick?" His Coach interrogated as if he hadn't heard or was ignoring the 'boyfriend' of it all.

"Not right now, but I barely slept and I don't know if it's contagious." Shane argued, knowing it was futile.

"For goodness sake Hollander its the flu not the black death get over it and if you don't make it to the game tonight you'll be benched for the next three."

It was an empty threat, Shane was sure that it was. There was know way Theriault would be willing to bench him for three whole games, but Shane was tired and he wasn't willing to push his luck no matter how badly he wanted to stay here and take care of Ilya.

Shane sighed. "Yes coach."

Shane grabbed a glass of water and a banana and hoped that Ilya was awake and hungry. When he made it back to their bedroom Shane discovered that Ilya had managed to drag himself out of the bathroom and back to bed.

"Ты оставил меня, любимый." Ilya whined when he saw Shane.

Shane was too tired to translate or respond in what little broken Russian his brain could conjure, but he guessed at the meaning. "I know I'm sorry but I had to get some food and make some phone calls." He climbed back into bed and was rewarded with Ilya wrapping himself around Shane like a koala.

"оставаться." He mumbled.

Shane knew that one, stay. "I can't. I have to go to my game, I did try and get out of it, but I called your coach and you are staying right here. I'll have my mom come and check on you in a bit okay?"

"Mmm мама." Ilya agreed.

Shane was only slightly panicking. Ilya had been sick but mostly present last night, this morning it didn't seem like he was fully conscious of where he was. He texted his parents and anxiously watched the clock tick by while he allowed a sleepy Ilya to keep him captive.

It took almost everything in Shane to get out of bed and let his parents in when he heard the doorbell. It took even more to leave and drive back to Montreal.

His mom had promised to keep him updated but he couldn't check his phone while playing and the fear and anxiety he felt building up was enough to make him feel like he would throw up. He almost wished he would just to spite Theriault but the game went smoothly and Shane somehow managed to score a Hat-trick even though afterwards he wasn't sure he could have even said who was on the ice with him or even what team they were playing.

Chapter 2

As soon as the game was over Shane made to bolt for the locker room but unfortunately scoring a Hat-trick and the game winning goal had meant Theriault wanted him for press duty. Shane wasn't about to argue with the head coach twice in one day, especially not after the phone call fiasco, but he did offer a rather scathing glare to the back of Theriault's head which earned him a raised eyebrow from J. J. as the two of them headed for the press room.

Shane was glad he was doing press with J. J. he was charming and charismatic and could easily hold his own in a room full of reporters while Shane zoned out relying on his regular script of vague non-answers that usually ended up sounding thoughtful or profound if any questions were directed specifically towards him.

He heard Lexi, the Metros' head of PR announce that the next question would be the last and he sighed with relief as the reporters all clamoured to be heard.

"Shane, you had an incredible game tonight, and the Metros have been having a great season, any thoughts on how things might go as you start heading into the playoffs?"

Shane wanted to slam his head against the wall. Shane didn't remember how the game had gone, and they were hardly heading into the playoffs it was February for god's sake. It didn't matter though, the Metros were favoured to win, a third cup for the team during Shane's career and once the question had been asked it opened the floodgates to more playoff related questions that Shane really didn't have the energy to answer.

All of a sudden, as if his tolerance had hit a tangible breaking point and shattered under the weight of the new onslaught of questions Shane opened his mouth and let the words he had been dying to say all evening spill out. "My partner is sick can we wrap this up so I can get home?"

He had phrased it as a question, but he didn't give them time to answer, fleeing the media circus as they hurled questions at him about his ‘mysterious partner'.

J. J. followed him out and jogged to catch up to him as Shane hurried for the locker room. "I didn't know you had a boyfriend?" J. J. called. "How come I haven't met him? Is it new? Is that why you won't let me set you up on dates?"

Shane cursed his earlier self for being glad about doing press with J. J. Not a single one of his other teammates would have pressed him for details after that revelation. J. J. was one of Shane's best friends and Shane felt guilty for lying, but he loved to gossip, and Shane needed to keep the inner circle small so things like this didn't happen.

"J. J. I… I really do need to get home." Home. Ottawa. The place where his parents and Ilya were.

"Of course, but we do need to talk about this."

"Tomorrow." Shane promised. Tomorrow, when he had slept and had enough time to figure out a good lie, or a version of the truth that didn't out Ilya and make this all ten times worse.

Shane skipped showering, just grabbed his bag and left as quickly as possible so he didn't get stopped any more times before he made it to his car where he finally checked his phone. He had three missed calls from his mom and he frantically called her back, anxiously tapping the steering wheel while he waited for the call to connect.

"Is Ilya-?" He asked, heart racing.

"He's okay. He's napping." His mom reassured him, cutting off his question before he could spiral.

"Okay okay that's good." Shane let himself breathe.

"That's not why I called. Did you mean to tell the world you were in a relationship sweetheart?"

Right, of course his mom had watched the post-game interview. Ilya probably had too, it was probably his idea. Fuck.

"No, it just slipped out. I just… I just wanted to go home and be there for him."

"I know honey. It's nothing to worry about, your words have garnered a little traction online but we'll speak to Farah in the morning and come up with a game plan okay?"

"Okay." Shane nodded even though he knew she couldn't see him, relieved that someone else was already taking charge so he didn't have to.

"I love you. I'll see you soon. Stay offline."

"I love you too mom. Bye."

Shane closed his eyes and rested his head on the steering wheel while he waited for his breathing to slow down enough that he felt safe driving and then he drove to Ottawa as fast as he could without technically breaking any laws.

---

 

Chapter 3

Shane hadn't even made it back to Ottawa when his phone rang blaring through his car's hands-free system. Unknown number with a New York area code. He let it ring off. If it was important they could leave a voicemail. Immediately after ringing off the same number called again. Shane ignored it again, he was nearly home. Just as he was getting into the house his phone rang for a third time from the same number. Whoever it was was persistent he would give them credit for that.

"This is Shane Hollander. May I ask who's calling?" He answered

"Good evening Mr Hollander I am calling from Commissioner Crowell's office. I've been trying to get in touch with you for a while.

Shane winced. Nothing good could come from a late night phone call from the Commissioner.

"Yes. Sorry about that I was driving I've only just made it home."

"Your game ended several hours ago. I specifically waited to call until I thought you would be home." The woman told him and Shane felt like he was a schoolchild being scolded for being late.

"Mmmm well you know how traffic can be. To what do I owe this phone call?"

"I just wanted to call to inform you that the commissioner has scheduled a meeting with you at 3pm tomorrow at his office in New York City."

Great, just what Shane needed.

"Any idea what this meeting is about?"

"As I understand it he wants to discuss tonight's press statements with you."

"Mmmm I thought so." Shane massaged his head with his free hand. He could feel a headache forming. "I take it this meeting can't happen over the phone? New York is a long way and I'm due to leave on a road trip the day after tomorrow."

"I'm afraid he was quite insistent you come to the offices in person."

"I see. Thank you."

"Have a good night."

"You too." Shane smiled thinly as he hung up the phone.

He walked into the living room to find Ilya curled up on the couch wrapped in blankets and dozing while ESPN played quietly in the background. Shane didn't want to wake him, but Ilya had clearly sensed his arrival and opened his eyes.

"Shane!" he croaked. "You're back!"

"I am. Move over." Shane repositioned Ilya's legs so they could lay together on the couch and Ilya obligingly wrapped his arms around Shane and draped a blanket over him.

"What're we watching?" Shane asked, glancing at the TV.

"No idea. I stopped watching after they stopped showing you."

"You saw it then?"

"I did. You told the whole world about me." Ilya smiled, gazing at Shane adoringly.

"I didn't mean to." Shane confessed.

"No! It was good. You got all grumpy and snapped at reporters that you had to get home to your beautiful sexy partner who is sick and needs you to nurse him back to health."

Shane grinned. "I don't remember it going quite like that."

"Was implied. I knew what you meant." Ilya waved his arm dismissively.

"You don't mind then? That I told people I'm dating someone?"

"No. Is good for me. Now everyone knows Shane Hollander is taken and they will not think they have a chance with you and your beautiful freckles." Ilya leaned around to kiss Shane's face as if to illustrate his point.

"Crowell wants to meet with me tomorrow. In New York." Shane tried to say it casually but he could tell from the way Ilya tensed up beside him that he saw right through him.

"Why?"

"Presumably because I had the audacity to say 'partner' instead of girlfriend and now people online think I'm gay."

"Shane моя любовь you are gay? Did someone hit you in the head during the game?" Ilya made a show of checking him for head injuries.

Shane chuckled. "I know, but the commissioner would rather not know that and I think he would rather the world didn't either."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I mean I have to go to this meeting, his assistant made that very clear, but I don't think there's any point in deciding what to do until after I've heard him out."

"Sleep now, you need to rest before your big meeting."

"I'm just going to rest my eyes for a minute and then we can go to bed." Shane said, shutting his eyes as ESPN droned on quietly in the background.

At some point Shane must have drifted off because he woke to his mother shaking him gently and letting him know that she was going home for the night. He managed to corral Ilya upstairs to bed and was brushing his teeth when Ilya spoke up from the bedroom.

"Fiancé is also not gendered." Ilya said, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Yes it is. It's French it has masculine and feminine endings." Shane explained to him.

Ilya rolled his eyes. "Shane, my love, you are missing the point. If saying partner is a problem you could say fiancé."

Oh. oh. He spat toothpaste into the sink. "Are you proposing?"

"I think so. Yes. Marry me." Ilya got out of bed and came to hug Shane from behind.

"I- you're sick. You're on painkillers. I don't want you to make any rash decisions you might regret."

"No regrets. The only regret would be not marrying you." Ilya rested his head on Shane's shoulder.

"I mean yes. Of course yes. Obviously yes I'll marry you, just… ask me again when you're feeling better."

"Okay. Will give me time to buy you a ring while you are in New York."

Shane rolled his eyes affectionately. He loved this man so much.

Chapter 4

Chapter Notes

Lets just pretend Farah knew about Ilya and Shane in 2020 mkay?

Shane had reluctantly left Ilya to take care of himself and even more reluctantly driven the two hours back to Montreal because his mom had booked the flight from there. She had argued, reasonably although Shane was loathe to admit it, that if anyone recognise him they would ask fewer questions if he flew out of Montreal than Ottawa.

He had made it to the MLH building a full hour early and had spent at least 30 minutes pacing around the block rehearsing conversations in his head. It was no small miracle that he hadn't been recognised. As the time on his phone blinked 2:45pm at him Shane decided he was comfortably early instead of embarrassingly so and headed inside.

He was sent up to the commissioners office without fanfare and to her credit Crowell's assistant waved him in for his meeting at 3pm on the dot.

"Mr. Hollander, Shane, can I call you Shane?" Crowell asked.

Shane, who didn't think his answer to this question would make any difference, just nodded.

"Thank you for coming in on such short notice." The Commissioner's smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Of course sir. I wouldn't ignore a direct summons from the commissioner."

"Now now, no need to make it all sound so formal, have a seat." Crowell gestured to the chair in front of his desk.

Shane sat.

"Now listen, I'm sure we can both agree that your little comment last night was just tiredness and frustration slipping out after a hard won game, but some fans on the internet seem to have rather latched onto your phrasing. I called you in because I think it's best if we get ahead of this and clear up any misunderstanding before it spirals."

Shane nodded. He had called Farah on the drive back to Montreal and she had said broadly the same thing, she had also warned him that what he might want to say and what the commissioner might want him to say may well differ. Shane had decided not to speak unless absolutely necessary until he knew what Crowell and the league wanted from him.

"I took the liberty of having my PR team draft up a statement for you to issue. It can be on social media or during press after your next game, but I would advise you get the message out there as swiftly as possible before people get the wrong idea." Crowell pushed a sheet of paper across the desk towards him.

Shane took it and read the statement. It was short, to the point, and most importantly completely false.

Using the term partner is often seen as an indicator that someone may be in a same-sex relationship but it is simply a gender neutral term to refer to someone with whom you are in a romantic relationship. (had they googled the dictionary definition of partner for this statement?) I use the term to refer to my partner because calling a woman who is almost 30 my 'girl'friend sounds infantilizing. (that was a nice touch at least, make him seem like a forward thinking feminist instead of gay) I regret any confusion my wording may have caused about my sexuality but I am setting the record straight, just like myself. I am a proud straight man and prouder ally.

Yikes. Shane couldn't believe someone had been paid to write it. There's no way he could post it even if it was true, he'd been torn to shreds on social media within minutes.

"You should say this, exactly and only this, at your earliest convenience." Crowell told him when it was clear Shane had finished reading.

"And if I want to write something myself? Or have my own publicist draft something for me." He asked carefully, already imagining what Farah's response to this statement would be.

"I don't think that would be wise son, you wouldn't want to go off message."

"Of course not." Shane agreed. "If that's everything then I should be heading off. Need to get back to Montreal for practice tomorrow."

"One more thing Shane. Tell your partner, whoever he is, to stay on message too."

Shane didn't miss the pronoun, so Crowell was under no pretence that Shane was a 'proud straight man and prouder ally'.

"I will." Shane left the office.

He would make sure Ilya stayed on message, that didn't mean it had to be Crowell's message.

---

 

Chapter 5

Shane had never been to the Kingfisher before when he was in New York. He had always feared being perceived as gay if he went and it wasn't like any of the guys on the team had ever wanted to go. Hayden would probably have joined him if Shane suggested it first, and J. J. was usually up to go to any bar, but aside from the Gay Thing TM Shane didn't really like bars either. He was relieved, and then briefly disappointed in himself for being relieved, to see that the interior didn't look like a gay bar. Not that he had any to compare it to but he suspected gay bars generally didn't have hockey sticks and pictures of Scott Hunter displayed on the walls. The decor did unsettle him slightly as it seemed a little like a shrine to Hunter, but at least it was closer in theme to the sports bars he had visited with the team when Hayden and J. J. had persuaded him to go out.

Hunter waved him over to a table in the corner with line of sight to the bar where a man Shane vaguely recognised and assumed must be Hunter's boyfriend Kip was working.

"I see you were admiring the decor. Like what we've done with the place?" Scott joked as Shane sat down.

"It's… not what I was expecting…" He admitted.

"More sports bar than gay bar?"

Shane nodded.

"Mmm my fault entirely. Even before we were out Kip used to force them to play the Admirals' games here. And then when he started working here he started influencing the decor. ‘Scott Hunter's favourite bar' as a title sell drinks though so it's working."

"Mmmm" Shane made a noise that he hoped made it sound like he was interested and engaged in the conversation.

"Eric wants me to buy this place with him."

"Oh? I mean it would definitely be a good investment opportunity. And it seems like a pillar of the community." Shane was grateful they were on familiar ground, for now at least, if there was one thing besides hockey that Shane understood it was real estate.

"Oh sure it's definitely not because he's sleeping with the bartender or anything." Scott smiled conspiratorially.

Shane choked on his drink.

Scott laughed. "Eric and Kyle have been dating since the winter. He wants a retirement project and Kyle has all sorts of visions for the bar that the current owner just isn't listening to. Kip, Kyle, and Eric are all trying to convince me to buy in."

"Will you?"

"Probably…" Scott shrugged. "Anyway I'm guessing you reached out for a reason?"

Shane nodded. "The reporter who did your coming out interview, she was good right? Asked all the right things, presented the truth, the way you wanted?"

"Louise? Yeah, it's why I picked her over everyone else clamouring for the exclusive. She's worked with a couple of queer WMLH players before as well."

"That's what I thought."

"Why? What's this about?" Scott looked him over curiously

"Do you still have her number?" Shane asked him.

"I do… is this about the partner comment?"

Shane nodded.

"I take it the people theorising that you aren't just using progressive language to refer to your girlfriend are right then?" Scott guessed.

"Um yeah. No girlfriend… I'm gay."

"I figured, or I dunno maybe I hoped? I knew I couldn't be the only gay player but it's been three years and I'm still the only active out player, Eric's one of my best friends and I totally get that he doesn't want to have a big public coming out right before he retires but it does suck a little. Price too. I have nothing but respect for the guy for wanting to focus on his mental health but he retires mid season and then he only really comes out because he got recognised at one of his boyfriend's shows. A year out of the MLH and I think he's more famous for being Fabian Salah's boyfriend than he ever was as a hockey player. As for Baldwin and Lundin some players don't even remember they existed let alone the general public. All this to say congrats man its about damn time someone joined me out here for real."

Shane had to admit he agreed with Hunter there, every out player apart from Scott retiring or leaving the league wasn't good odds for anyone else coming out.

"I think the commissioner is banking on that precedent for pressuring anyone else to stay in the closet. And if that doesn't work there's always good old fashioned intimidation." Shane said, rather daringly.

"I'll drink to that," Scott raised his glass. "I can't even begin to tell you the things he said to me after I came out. You know come to think of it I don't think he's ever even congratulated me on winning the cup that year…"

"I can imagine. You should see the statement he gave me to post. It said, and I kid you not, 'I am a proud straight man and prouder ally.'"

"Nooooo!" Scott cackled. "You can't post that."

"Obviously not. My publicist is writing me something else. I just have to decide… if it will be the truth."

"Okay."

"Okay what?"

"Okay, reasons to or not to tell the truth, hit me. Come on Hollander who else is going to be able to give you the perspective I can." Scott added when he saw the panicked look on Shane's face.

"I don't like lying. Not telling the truth is one thing but lying is another. I don't want to lie about having a girlfriend to save my career."

"Okay so there's one reason to tell the truth and one reason not to, do you really think it would jeopardise your career?"

"I don't know. Crowell wasn't stupid enough to verbalise any threats, and I don't think he could really push me out, but if he does… hockey is my life. I- I don't know if I can risk my career like that."

"My career was fine, improved even, don't look like that I know you've looked at the stats, you know I've been better since 2017."

Shane couldn't even argue with him about that, annoyingly Scott had been more better and more consistent across the season since his boyfriend started cheering him on in the stands.

"I guess so, but what about Baldwin and Lundin…" Shane argued halfheartedly.

Scott stared at him. "In what world are Dean Baldwin and Harald Lundin on the same level as Shane Hollander? The Metros built a franchise around you, you're a favourite to win a third Stanley Cup, most people don't even know their names…"

Scott had him there, Shane hadn't known either of their first names.

"There is another reason to go along with Crowell's statement…"

"What's that?"

"My partner… it's not safe for him to be out. If I come out and people figure out we're together… he could be in danger. I can't do that to him."

"You and Roz didn't have a contingency plan for if something like this happened?"

"No we- wait you know?"

Scott shrugged. "You two aren't as subtle as you think you know."

"That's the problem. If I'm out then its not too big of a leap to Ilya, but if I cover it up… there are too many people who know I'm gay I might just get outed by accident anyway." Shane groaned.

"It sounds to me like you already know what you want to do you just want someone else to tell you its the right decision."

"Will you?" Shane looked up hopefully.

"Hell no that's a conversation you need to have with your boyfriend no way I'm getting in the middle there."

Shane sighed. He needed to get back to Ottawa so he could talk things over with Ilya.

Chapter 6

The Scott Hunter Problem

By Anja Vernersen

It has been 2 and a half years since The New York Admirals' historic cup win and Scott Hunter's even more historic celebration. Embracing his now fiancé in a kiss that would be talked about and celebrated the world over.

In one unplanned, as he later confessed to Louise Morris on Sports Hour, moment he became the first MLH player to come out as gay in the league's history. It is worth noting that the AHL has never had an out player either. The WMLH, and women's hockey generally has always been a little more gay but for men's hockey the 2017 cup final was a huge moment.

Every queer hockey fan remembers where they were when that kiss aired and we have waited with bated breath ever since to see if anyone would follow Hunter out of the closet. Statistically around 5% of the population identify as LGBTQ+ if we apply that to a league of over 700 people then there ought to be at least 30 LGBTQ+ MLH players. Now I am not suggesting that the MLH, with it's long history of conservatism and homophobic locker room language, does have enough queer players to fill an entire roster, but there surely must be more than just one out there.

Those of us with our finger on the pulse and ear to the ground, or maybe just queer reporters like myself who write about this for a living, will know that others did come out in the wake of the summer of 2017, but none make quite the explosion that Hunter did.

Unless you are a Vancouver or LA fan, even the most dedicated hockey fans have probably never heard of Dean Baldwin or Harald Lundin both of whom came out during the 2017/18 season and left the league that same year. Baldwin took the chance to retire and settle down with his now husband when his contract came to an end, and Lundin returned to Sweden to captain the Malmö Redhawks.

Hockey fans may be more familiar with Ryan Price, the terrifying enforcer whose fans even invented a catchphrase ‘Pay the Price'. He retired unexpectedly from the Toronto Guardians mid season in 2019 citing the need to prioritise his mental and physical health after a brutal career. He was spotted later that year on tour with musician Fabian Salah who confirmed to Attitude that the pair were childhood friends who had reunited unexpectedly in Toronto and had begun dating. This author wonders whether Fabian was a deciding factor in Price's abrupt retirement, but neither have ever confirmed or denied.

One might think that four players coming out in three years is nothing short of miraculous, but the fact remains that Scott Hunter is still the only active queer player in the league. Perhaps that is why the hockey world has been working itself into a frenzy over Shane Hollander's comment to the press last night.

In a press conference after the Metros vs Nomads home game last night a frustrated Hollander snapped at the reporters present that he wanted to get home to his sick partner. Fans have latched onto the specifically gender neutral choice of ‘partner' Hollander used, speculating about whether this may mean Hollander is trying to conceal his partner's gender because that partner is a man. Hollander has yet to issue a statement about it and the Metros have declined to comment.

If it is true that Hollander's partner is not a woman then we may finally be getting another active queer player. Certainly Hollander is not likely to be leaving the league any time soon, especially with the Metros predicted to take the cup this summer. He is considered one of the best players in the world and is on the top of his game right now, having scored a hat-trick in last nights game securing the Metros a 5-4 win.

Right now the rumours about Hollander's sexuality are just rumours, but it is perhaps interesting that Price and Hunter, along with Leah Campbell and her husband Max Riley (formerly of the Toronto Sceptres and the Canada National Women's Team) all coach at the Game Changers Hockey Camp, which is co-run by Hollander and his long-time rival Ilya Rozanov. I do not wish to make a sweeping generalisation but from my own experiences queer people tend to flock together when it comes to friendships, and the coaches do seem to be good friends.

For now though all we can do is wait patiently, and perhaps a little eagerly, for any statement from Hollander about his words, and for any other players to come out of the closet.

---

Ilya was sat up on the couch reading something on his phone when Shane got home.

"Have you seen this, they're writing articles about how good it would be if you were gay because Scott Hunter is sad and boring."

"I'm pretty sure it doesn't say that, and didn't mom tell you not to read what they're saying online?" Shane asked, stealing Ilya's phone to skim the article anyway.

"No, she told you not to read what they're saying online. I can do whatever I want." Ilya told him, stealing his phone back. "How was your meeting."

"Crowell wants me to walk back into the closet, lock myself in, and throw away the key." Shane declared dramatically.

"He said that?" Ilya raised an eyebrow.

"He didn't have to. This is the statement he wanted me to post." Shane tossed the piece of paper at Ilya.

As he read it Ilya's smile grew wider than the time Shane had told him he had hired a stylist, which Shane hadn't thought possible.

"He can't think that this is a good statement."

"He must, he wants me to post it verbatim as soon as possible." He said, flopping on top of Ilya, crumpling the statement in his hands.

"You're not going to though…"

"No. I can't. Farah is drafting something better… Which is what I wanted to talk to you about."

Ilya cocked his head.

"I don't think I can go back into the closet. I mean a part of me, kind of a big part wants to. I think it would be easier in the short term but it's bound to cause problems down the line and Scott convinced me that my game wouldn't suffer because of it, there's no way the league could kick me out but it's still risky. Especially for you." Shane blurted, not looking at Ilya to avoid seeing his reaction.

"Woah Shane, breathe."

Shane did.

"I think you're right." Ilya told him gently.

"You do?"

"I do. You're right it might be easier not to but it would be dishonest, and you hate dishonesty more than anything."

"But what about you?" Shane sneaked a glance at Ilya's face, but if he was feeling anything complicated about Shane's decision he wasn't letting it show.

"I'll be fine, we'll get married yes? And I'll apply for citizenship, that was always the plan we're just moving up the timeline."

"But what if you get kicked out of the league before then and sent back to Russia? You could be incarcerated, or killed?" Shane said, spiralling.

"Hey, shush shush." Ilya stroked his hair. "I know I'm no Shane Hollander, and I may not have won a cup in a little while, but I'm still a pretty big deal in the league you know." He teased. "And I've had certain assurances."

"What kind of assurances?"

"I had a very interesting conversation with Coach Wiebe after you left this morning." He said cryptically.

"Really? What did he say?"

"He knows about us."

"What? How?" Shane asked panicking.

"Apparently your voice is pretty recognisable and when he saw you on the press he realised it was you who called him this morning."

"Oh. So what happens now?" Shane was trying to decide who to call first, his mom or Farah, both needed to know if he and Ilya were going to be outed imminently.

"Nothing."

Shane raised an eyebrow

"He won't tell anyone." Ilya assured him.

"How do you know?"

"He gave me his word."

"You trust that?"

From Shane's limited experience with the man Coach Wiebe did seem like a decent upstanding guy, but that didn't mean he wouldn't say something, even by accident, that could make things very difficult for him and Ilya.

"I do." Ilya nodded.

Shane sighed. "Then I trust you."

"He also said that he would help us if he can if we need it."

"Why?"

Ilya shrugged

"I guess I'm really doing this huh?"

"I guess so."

"I'll let Farah know we're going with the truth statement, and to arrange an appearance on Sports Hour. If I'm going to do this I'm doing it my way."

"Bravery is a sexy look on you Hollander." Ilya grinned mischievously.

Chapter 7

---

Shane's palms sweated as he sat under the bright lights of the Sports Hour set, he resisted the urge to wipe them on his trousers. He knew there were a lot of very good reasons that he had insisted upon this interview, but right now he couldn't remember a single one. He ought to be used to film sets and camera crews from all the commercials he had filmed over the years, but they were scripted and he only ever had one or two lines if any. Shane showed up, did what they told him too, and then left, he didn't have to think for himself or formulate answers to questions. He settled for placing his hands on the desk in front of him and hoped it didn't look like he was gripping it for dear life.

It wasn't that he wasn't prepared, Louise had sent him a list of questions and topics ahead of time, and he and Ilya had watched her interview with Scott at least three times so Shane would be familiar with the format, but this wasn't like game press, generic answers about hockey would not be enough here. He wished Ilya was with him but they had decided it was too risky if someone started asking questions or connecting the dots. His mom had come but if anything her supportive smile and slight bickering with the crew was making him more nervous.

"Hi Shane," came a voice from his left. Shane blinked and focused on the woman who had sat down beside him. "I'm Louise. I'm sure the producers have been through all this with you but just as a reminder we're not going to be live so anything you don't want to answer or don't want included in the final cut doesn't have to be." She smiled warmly at him and Shane tried to smile back.

There was a little more bustling around behind the cameras and then Shane must have missed the signal that they were starting because suddenly Louise was reading off of a teleprompter and looking directly into one of the cameras.

"Good evening and welcome to Sports Hour with Louise Morris, I'm joined tonight by hockey sensation, the Montreal Metros' Shane Hollander." This episode wasn't being filmed in front of an audience, but she paused as if she was expecting some kind of reaction.

Shane wondered if they were going to edit one in. He hoped so or else it would sound very awkward.

"Hollander made waves earlier this week when he came out as gay after a remark in the Metros' press room that left fans shocked both because of its contents and the lack of cool shown by a man who is usually adept at handling the media."

Shane winced at that one and then immediately hoped the cameras hadn't caught that reaction.

"Shane, welcome to the show."

"Thank you for having me Louise."

"Much like Scott Hunter, who started the streak of NHL players coming out as gay back in 2017, you came out completely by accident didn't you?"

"I don't know if I would call four people, three of whom have left the league, a streak, but yes I did come out accidentally. Well no that's not entirely true. I made the 'partner' comment accidentally because I was frustrated that press was overrunning and I was worried about him, but the choice to tell the world he was a 'him' was deliberate."

"Yes, in the statement you posted on your social media you implied that you had been told not to come out. Can you talk more about that? If you are allowed to."

Shane didn't want to bite the hand that fed him, and he'd been pushing his luck with the comment in his statement, he had thought it very bold of Farah to include it, but the whole point of this interview was to say what he wanted. If he went too far he could always ask Louise not to use the footage.

"I'm sure you know that despite Hunter's best efforts the league has been slow to adapt, locker rooms are still rife with homophobic language, and being openly gay in hockey does not have the best track record what with Baldwin and Price retiring and Lundin moving to the SHL. There were those who thought that it would be better if I went quietly back into the closet and not risk my career by coming out, we hockey players are a superstitious bunch you know." He smiled trying to tack on a lighthearted joke to an otherwise loaded statement and soften the blow.

"Yes, Anja Vernersen said something similar in her article, I don't know if you read it?"

"I did. I thought it was interesting, but I'm surprised she didn't talk more about why there aren't more out players, or why the ones who do come out don't stay. I know Ryan Price a little from working with him for the Game Changers camps and he absolutely made the right choice retiring for his mental health, and Scott Hunter was practically untouchable after winning the cup and coming out in such a public way. But for Baldwin and Lundin? I heard that they were not offered renewed contracts after they came out."

"You're not suggesting they were pushed out of the league because we were gay, Canada and California both have pretty strong anti-discrimination laws."

Shane shrugged. "I'm not saying that they were, I didn't know them, I think I may have met Baldwin once at an All-Stars tournament. What I'm saying is that the rumours, true or not, that their contracts weren't extended because they came out act as a pretty good deterrent against other people coming out."

"So if, as you say, jeopardising your career was a tangible fear then why did you decide to come out. It seems you had good reason not to."

"I couldn't face telling the world I had a girlfriend when I knew, and my closest family and friends knew it wasn't true. And it didn't seem fair to my fiancé to have to answer questions about a fictitious girlfriend, and before you ask yes there would have been questions, I've been in the top three of rankings of Hockey's Most Eligible Bachelors for the last decade."

"Well I'd love to talk more about those lists but I believe you just said 'fiancé'. I don't think you mentioned before that you were engaged, would saying fiancé not have saved you a lot of problems earlier in the week, no-one would have needed to know if you were talking about a man or a woman."

Shane laughed. "You know he said the exact same thing. Which is exactly why he proposed. Could have done with being a few hours earlier though. No we didn't get engaged until later that night, after I had already inadvertently outed myself on live television."

"Really, so you've only been engaged what, 5 days?" Louise smiled brightly like she was genuinely excited for him. "How did he propose?"

"I don't know if I want to say, but it was terribly romantic." A little inside joke for him and Ilya to share later.

"That's sweet. I notice you haven't said that much about him, I wonder if there's anything you would be willing to share?"

"I don't want to share too much because he isn't out, and because I don't want to expose him to the media circus that is my life, but he's so kind and one of the funniest people I know. He's been trying to teach my mom to cook old family recipes from memory, sometimes they go well and sometimes they are unmitigated disasters but they both take meticulous notes and try again. He does puzzles with my dad and is and incredibly thoughtful gift giver."

"What about hockey? Is he a fan"

"Oh uh yes. Although regrettably he was a Boston fan when we met. I've since converted him to the much superior Centaurs." It was too far. Shane knew it was too far, but a part of him wanted someone to know. Even if it was only sleuths on social media peddling conspiracy theories that were much closer to the truth than he would ever be able to admit.

"Not a Metros fan?" Louise seemed surprised.

"He's a fan of me, but his favourite Metros player is Hayden Pike." Jackie would get a kick out of that one later even if Hayden and Ilya didn't. "But otherwise no he prefers the Centaurs, I grew up in Ottawa and the Centaurs were my team growing up, I still never miss a game even if I have to record them. My whole family is hockey mad, but we'll always be Centaurs fans first and foremost."

Louise smiled. "Well thank you Shane. I think that's all we have time for today. Thank you for coming in."

"Thank you for having me." He smiled, and managed to make brief eye contact with the central camera.

"Stay tuned for analyst Viktor Rowland kicking off a discussion about playoff predictions next on Sports Hour."

Chapter 8

Shane was buzzing with nerves as he waited for the puck to drop in Game Seven of the Stanley Cup final. LA had given them a hell of a fight, it had looked like they were going to take the series after winning the first three games back to back but their starting goalie had been injured in Game Three and their backup just wasn't as good. Montreal had taken the next three games and now the cup, and very possibly Shane's future, was resting on this game.

Shane didn't dare look up to the stands where he knew Ilya was watching with Shane's parents, just as nervous as Shane was for the outcome of this game. It had started as a joke, a dumb remark as the playoff race got underway.

"You know, it's not too late for me to transfer to a western conference team and meet you in the finals for an epic cup kiss. That would show Hunter." Ilya had said.

"Yes it is. The transfer window closed months ago." Shane told him after a beat, trying to ignore how much he had liked the sound of that idea.

They had talked about it a lot more in the weeks that had followed, the joke becoming more and more tangible as the Metros progressed further and further through the tournament. They weren't really being serious though until the night after Montreal had won the conference final. They had ESPN on in the background and they were showing some sort of Stanley Cup retrospective of highlights from previous finals.

"I've always wanted to kiss you at centre ice." Shane had confessed absentmindedly.

"We could." Ilya suggested.

"Yeah right." Shane scoffed.

"No I'm serious. Play Scott Hunter's game, kiss at centre ice after you win."

"We couldn't. That would out you."

"I know, is rather the point."

"But what about Russia?"

"Fuck Russia. There is nothing there for me anymore. My job is here, my fiancé is here, my family is here. Hunter was right about having a backup plan, I have been speaking to a lawyer, I will be safe. I don't want to marry you in secret. I want to do this."

It had been impossible to say no to that and the truth was that Shane wanted it too. He had returned to the Kingfisher once since coming out, when the Metros played the Admirals, and his heart had ached with jealousy to see Scott and Kip, and Eric and Kyle being so casually affectionate in public. He wanted that too.

So here they were, Game Seven, Ilya ready and waiting to carve out their own bit of history. The puck dropped. The game had begun.

---

Chris Powell: Well Arlo, here we are, Game Seven, the series could go either way and the atmosphere in the Bell Centre is electric.

Arlo White: It certainly is Chris. Obviously the home fans are hoping Montreal will raise the cup once again, but the LA fans are just as enthusiastic.

CP: They certainly are, and it's not just the fans look at both teams' families all of them decked out to the nines.

AW: It's always nice to see the families come onto the ice at the end of the game and- hold on, is that Ilya Rozanov wearing a Shane Hollander jersey?

CP: It does seem to be. Well the two of them are friends now aren't they, why shouldn't he come and show his support.

AW: It could always be an intimidation tactic to throw his rival off his game.

CP: I don't think so, he's sat with Hollander's parents look.

AW: Well folks, that's not something you see every day.

CP: No it is not Arlo, no it is not.

---

---

The buzzer sounded for the end of the game and it took all of Shane's energy to stay standing as his teammates crowded around him celebrating yet another Stanley Cup victory. He risked a glance to the stands finally, but Ilya had disappeared, presumably to get ready to join them on the ice. He was aware of Hayden's hand around his shoulders and he was pretty sure it was the only thing keeping him on his feet.

They made their way over to the podium where Shane was presented with the Cup, hoisting it in the air in a way that felt almost natural now. He directed it to his parents, who had declined joining him and Ilya on the ice, wanting them to have their moment, and he saw them cheering and waving back. He then handed the cup off to one of his teammates, he didn't even register who, who also hoisted the cup and started kissing it.

"Are you ready Capitaine?" J. J. asked skating over to give him a reassuring pat on the back.

Shane had told J. J. everything as promised after he had cleared it with Ilya, and he wasn't sure what he would have done without his and Hayden's support these last few months. Both of them had been told about the plan if they had won and it was their job to have his back if their teammates tried to start anything.

"Here they come." Whispered Hayden nodding over to where Ilya was coming onto the ice with Jackie and the kids. Jackie had designated herself Ilya's babysitter and neither Shane nor Ilya dared turn her down.

Shane couldn't help but laugh as Ilya made his way over to centre ice. Ilya on skates was a force to be reckoned with, Ilya not wearing skates was like a baby deer, unsure of its own legs. Shane skated over slowly and offered Ilya an arm.

"Need a hand?" He asked.

"This is annoyingly difficult in shoes you know."

Jackie laughed beside him. "You get used to it."

Ilya batted Shane's arm away and shuffled towards centre ice. Shane skated after him, slowly, very slowly. Shane was sure that there was a camera focused on them, and probably the commentators were talking about it but he didn't care, in fact that was the point.

"We don't have to kiss actually at centre ice you know?"

"Yes we do. It's your fantasy I'm just trying to indulge it."

"I hate you."

"No you don't." Ilya grinned.

Shane rolled his eyes and kissed Ilya, enjoying the height difference the skates offered.

"God I love you so much."

"I love you too Shane, so much." Ilya's eyes were wet with tears.

"We really did it huh?"

Ilya risked a glance away from Shane up to the screens above them, Shane didn't dare let his focus leave Ilya. "Yeah I'd say we did it моя любовь."

---

Arlo White: I take it all back Chris that is something you don't see every day.